This was her email sig, in 2007.Way back in 2007, when Wonkette was literally the only national media actually covering Sarah Palin and her ridiculous role as John McCain’s vice-presidential candidate was still just a stain in Bill Kristol’s underroos, the Wasilla grifter was already planning her divorce from amiable extremist dolt Todd Palin. Emails finally released on Thursday show Sarah was scheming even then, and wondering if her divorce from Todd — a laborer on the North Slope oil fields — would somehow lead to charges of conflict of interest because of Governor Sarah’s “drill baby drill” policies. None of this makes any sense, because Sarah Palin is a lifelong idiot. But she is consistently phony and amoral, when it comes to “family values,” at least!

The Washington Post saves this only interesting part for the last paragraphs of its article:

The emails indicate her job had taken a toll on her marriage long before she even became McCain’s running mate.

In a Sept. 26, 2007, email to Kris Perry and her husband Todd, titled “Marital Problems,” Palin writes: “So speaking of… If we, er, when we get a divorce, does that quell “conflict of interest” accusations about BP?” Her husband was a former BP employee on the North Slope.

So wait, she copied Todd on this email? We hate to give Sarah Palin any credit at all, for anything, but this actually sounds like a cheap, sarcastic joke and not actual plans to get divorced. Why does the Lame Stream Media fail to get Sarah’s snarling, half-serious attempts at humor? [Washington Post]

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  • Barb

    "…. does that quell “conflict of interest” accusations about BP?”

    She didn't mean BP the oil company, she meant BP, "Bristol's pregnant." She probably forgot how to spell "Bristol"

  • littlebigdaddy

    She should have asked Newt's advice.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      How's that happ-ey, cheer-ey thing workin' out for ya?!

    • Tundra Grifter

      "Give her a million bucks and tell her to hit the road."

      ~ Pete Rose

    • tessiee

      I don't know if Tawd is really the Tiffany's type.

      also, T., and such.

  • DaveJ

    Let us not neglect Occam's Razor, which would posit that Sarah accidentally copied Todd on this email, because she is an idiot.

    • She thinks "C.C" stands for "Cunt Cunt," so she always copies herself and Tawd.

    • yrbmegr

      Or perhaps we might consider the possibility that Sarah planned to get a "fake" divorce from Todd, a "divorce", as it were, to quell conflict of interest allegations that might prevent her making money from her office.

      • Yes, that was my first thought.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I had a customer once that tried to sucker me into a pyramid scheme via email. I emailed one of my co-workers with the boast, "can I pick 'em or what?"

      I didn't hit forward…I hit reply.


      • tessiee

        Although, if you spin it a slightly different way, it's exactly the comeuppance that your con artist deserved.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Oh yeah. I only felt bad about it because it temporarily embarrassed my employer. And, I was appropriately apologetic. However, when she sent me a list of books I should read to get my own moral and ethical house in order I started to lose it. My boss took one look at the list and said, “fuck her”. I put her on my spam list and that was that.—

      • Imagine the joys of hitting "Reply All" after affixing a *particularly snarky* comment to an email sent out by the boss.

    • Not to mention that she's a cunt for not using bcc thanks for fowarding my email addy to all your cc's.

  • IncenseDebate

    She's had an ugly divorce from reality. Also. Too.

    • That couldn't be helped. It's just how she is.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Divorce? I didn't know she even had a relationship.

  • In Sarah's case, BP stands for "Bitch, Please."

  • memzilla

    So she was going to quit her marriage half-way through? I thought Gingrich had the trademark on that kind of family values.

    • tessiee

      Death match for the title of quitter!

  • Indiepalin

    This is where the idea for the reality show "Ice Road Hookers" germinated.

  • edgydrifter

    That photo gives me an innie.

    • Loaded_Pants


    • AutomaticPilot

      I'm laughing so hard at that, my co-workers apparently think it's best just to leave me alone.

  • IntenseDebate is trying to convince me to be the first to make an ass of myself. Like they needed to bother.

    Well? IS she getting divorced, and why the fuck should I care?

    • I.D. lies to U.

      • You can't imagine how heartbroken I was when that finally dawned on me.

    • gullywompr

      She started to get one, but quit half way through.

    • tessiee

      "IntenseDebate is trying to convince me to be the first to make an ass of myself"

      *highly indignant*
      Well, for YOUR information, I don't need their help!

      • That's *exactly* what I said. Hmph! HaRUMPH!

  • The emails indicate her job had taken a toll on her marriage long before she even became McCain’s running mate.

    Her job? The one she outsourced to a consultant?

    If she had half a brain, she'd have outsourced the marriage, too.


    • Oblios_Cap

      Remember the masseuse?

  • GorzoTheMighty

    BP- Hmm, BI-Polar?

  • MissTaken

    So speaking of… If we, er, when we get a divorce

    Who the fuck types 'er'? Just hit the backspace and change 'if' to 'when' you stupid piece of snowmachining shit.

    • Er … me?

      • Nah. You're way too confident in your command of written snark to populate your words with 'er's. *Thinking* them to yourself, maybe? but hell I'm picking a toenail while typing this so I can think of far worse offenses than 'er.' [cue: "ew", anytime now]

        • Flattery will get you everywhere, sweetie. (bats eyes) Where would you like to go?

          This being the Wonketz, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if the whole bloody lot of us were't doing *much* worse while typing. "Fap" comes to mind.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Er … you obviously didn't get the same photo that the rest of us got.

          • No, NO, NOT over HER, geez, Biely, SRSLY! Who the H, er, FUCK do you think I am?

    • SorosBot

      Maybe, er, she was, um, dictating?

      It would be likely, since to type an email herself she'd have to know how to read first.

      • And Todd is her spell-checker?

      • MissTaken

        OMIGOD! She probably is one of those people who uses Dragon! That explains SOOOO much.

        • Have you ever used it? I think about it every now and then, and then remember a great little SF story I once read, by Eric Frank Russell, I think, about the bumbling of a message because of accents.

          • I used to use it for a few months. I didn't really see it as a time saver, though. It was to save notes I'd jotted from client meetings to their files and send them a meeting summary letter. I went back to typing. If you're a person who can't type (not you, FROTHY, but those non-typing scumbags your mother warned you about), then I could see it being useful.

          • If you've ever spent up to 14 hours a day on a computer, you know what repetitive stress injuries and carpal tunnel can do to hands. Half the people I've worked with ended up on disability or having surgery to cope. One woman out of the lot used it, but her carpal tunnel was truly crippling. I'm not using a computer *as* much these days, but it's always good to be prepared. However, I have not heard good reports about *any* voice-interface software.

        • Steverino247

          I hate Dragon. They wanted me to use that at work so I told them I used to stutter and using Dragon would cause me to start again. It worked and I've been typing happily ever since with no carpal tunnel bullshit.

          • After I tore three out of the four muscles that comprise the rotator cuff, the PT told me to make sure I kept at least half the things I used at work just slightly out of reach so that I would be forced to stretch to reach them. Apparently, we get so used to narrowing our range of motion that we use the small muscles of the arms and wrists to do most of our work, which increases the risk of injuring them. We should be using the big muscles of the chest and back, like the delts, to carry at least half the weight.

    • Neoyorquino

      She had to start writing it out herself. Her voice recognition software caused her last computer to burst into flames. Or maybe it was some act of AI suicide.

      • HA!

      • tessiee

        Marge: The Dennis Miller voice? Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides?
        Homer: MURDER-suicides, Marge, MURDER-suicides.

    • prommie

      Umm, er, I'm not so sure of that, like, you know? Sniff.

    • GOPCrusher

      Maybe it's an Oxford "er"?

    • AutomaticPilot

      Or if she's really joking, she should use the strikethrough – much funnier that way.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    I always include "er, uhhm, hmmm" in emails to signify a thoughtful pause and convey the gravity of the situation. Today we are all $arahs.

    • DaveJ

      I include stage direction in mine.

      "God, you are so hot.
      I can't wait to see you next week, etc."

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Newt, is that you?

      • Shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP!!! (sobs into pillow)

      • tessiee

        I saw that!
        It's an insurance commercial!
        Turns out "Jason from State Farm" is a pudgy call center worker in khakis.

    • There's strength in numbers. DON'T LEAVE MEE! MissTaken will get me if you do!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    My foot has a conflict of interest with her vagina. In other words, I would like to kick her in the twat.

    • Go for it. And give her a couple of short, sharp ones for me.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Careful, you don't know what that thing might be capable of.

      • LetUsBray

        Yeah, are you trying to get your toes bitten off?

  • Silly Wonketteers!

    B.P. = Big Pussy

    • chicken_thief

      Sopranos libel!!!!!

  • smashedinhat

    I have placed that picture of Scary Palin by the snooze button on my bedside alarm. Works a treat, a little rough on the sheets though.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    If they got a divorce, would that mean their children would be annulled?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Only if they're Catholic.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      They would be annihilated…errr, devastated.

      • I see what you did there.

    • chicken_thief

      I don't see how the Palin's marriage, or divorce for that matter, would have any bearing on whether their kids took it up the pooper….

  • Clearly, this email was not written by Palin.
    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present Exhibit A: She used the word "quell" rather than the only Q words she knows– "quickie" and "queso".
    I rest my case.

    • edgydrifter

      No, the only Q-word she knows is "queen." "Kwikee" is the store down the block where she gets her jerky and boxed wine. That other word is Mexican, so she won't lower herself to learning what it means or how it's spelled.

      • tessiee

        "That other word is Mexican, so she won't lower herself to learning what it means or how it's spelled."

        Perhaps JBS was, understandably, confusing $arah with Peggy Hill.

    • NellCote71

      Good point on "quell." Correct use, punctuation and spelling. Cannot be the missing Kardashian.

    • MrFizzy

      What about queer?

    • Loaded_Pants

      Queef? As in "Bristol, did you just queef?

    • Remember: "squirmish." QED.

  • orygoon

    Mr. Goon and I want to know the actual answer to this question, please! (Because Mr. Goon woke up the other night and told me his dream, in which I'd gone out for errands and stopped by the divorce shop between the gym, the grocery run. and checking out our massive holdings in oil companies. He's still a little shaky about this.)

    • Poor guy! Tell him he could have had MY dream in which I was snorting lines of coke off my partner's behind. My partner's extremely HAIRY behind. EW.

      • tessiee

        Mine involved me arguing with my prissy former co-worker, who was such a vegan that she wouldn't even eat any vegetables that weren't organic and locally grown, about whether or not I was a bad person for eating dairy.

        I refuse to accept a dream that is more boring and annoying than my actual life.

        • I love how dream reality is so bizarrely tangential to our human experience. My partner, for example, does NOT have a tremendously hairy behind and, even if he did, would NEVER let me snort coke off it.

          I had an ex-girlfriend who used to insist on bringing her own organic home-grown kale to dinner invites. If she hadn't also had a *great* coke connection I think I woulda dumped her prissy ass.

    • prommie

      This would not eliminate the conflict of interest, as Tawd's financial situation would remain relevant to her child support and alimony situation. i.e., BP could buy her off by hiring Tawd so he wouldn't need alimony and could afford to pay child support.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That explains why they didn't bother. That, and the paperwork.

  • MrFizzy

    Hopefully Sarah never finds someone even stupider than Todd to breed with. God forbid she and Newton Leroy ever hook up – imagine the spawn.

    • tessiee

      How about that mouth breathing Neanderthal who was married to one of the Lardassians for about a week? $arah's real keen on basketball players, or so I've heard.

    • Sarah Palin is neither young enough or pretty enough to be a president's wife.

  • SorosBot

    But if she were to get divorced, that would make fucking her husband's business partner less illicit and exciting.

    • MissTaken

      Ugh, everyone knows the only good sex is illicit sex.

      • SorosBot

        And in a country where someone who wants to make pre-marital abstinence mandatory can be the front-runner for a major party Presidential nomination, all the sex I've had is illicit – and most of it has been fun indeed.

        • OK, now you're just bragging.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Only "most"?
          You're doing it wrong.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, GOP family values only encourages divorce if it will stop people from complaining about your conflicts of interest with big oil.

  • Lucidamente1

    So she quit before starting divorce proceedings?

  • I see it's "Frowny Faces on GOP Figures" Picture Day on Wonkette.

    • Be grateful it's not FARK.

  • DaRooster


    Dumb Ass…

  • coolhandnuke

    Tater twats go great with Alaskan King Crabs.

    • I bet she's had more than one case of those.

  • $10,000 says that's exactly how her face looks while she sleeps.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      How did Todd ever get it up?

      • chicken_thief

        Threats of: "it's either you tonight or mah man Glenn Rice. Your choice."?

      • He thinks of Shainey or Shailey or whatever his hot little Cajun lady's name is.

      • widestanceromance

        and WHY?

    • tessiee

      "$10,000 says that's exactly how her face looks while she sleeps."

      AND before, during, and after blow jobs.

  • Goonemeritus

    My wife feels her pain, she constantly wonders if divorcing her corporate goon husband will put an end to the hippie hazing she gets at her yoga class.

    • Hey, she hasn't done it yet, she must love ya.

    • Corporate goons do not appreciate Burning Spear. In this country, anyway.

  • chascates

    The Spell of the Yukon

    I wanted the gold, and I sought it,
    I scrabbled and mucked like a slave.
    Was it famine or scurvy — I fought it;
    I hurled my youth into a grave.
    I wanted the gold, and I got it —
    Came out with a fortune last fall, —
    Yet somehow life's not what I thought it,
    And somehow the gold isn't all.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So if Sarah had been able to spell — or even pronounce — "irreconcilable," we never would've heard of her? Damndamndamndamndamndamndamn.

  • Is that a picture of her lying in a bed of fried cheese curds? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • tessiee

      Poutin' Palin on poutine?

  • meatlofer

    STILL! Need more Turkeys being slaughterd in the background.

  • Loaded_Pants


  • The state released a batch of the emails last June, a lag of nearly three years that was attributed to the sheer volume of the records

    Whoever had to slog through this quicksand for sorting and recording; I daresay it'd be a worse task than cleanup after a santorum-storm.

  • owhatever

    Brisket rolled over in bad and said, "Daddy, you got an e-mail from Mom. She wants to keep the meth lab."

    • Dashboard Buddha


  • Redhead

    But if she divorced Todd, who would give her downs babies so she could use them as props?


    • tessiee

      It's mathematically impossible for the combined genetic material of Levi and $arah to produce a down-level IQ.

  • Schmannnity

    Never tire of Sarah's "Who farted?" picture.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    First Dude libel!!!

  • Guppy

    Divorce = adultery = mortal sin = capital offense = we get to throw rocks at her!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, but only if we can find someone qualified to throw the first one.

      Old joke from grade school:

      "Let whoever is without sin throw the first stone."
      "Oh, come on, Mom!"

  • chicken_thief

    Whoever leaked that email is just trying to start a squirmish between Lou Sarah and Tawd, the happy couple.

  • mrsbitch

    True to form, Nanookie quit halfway through her email. The rest of it was wondering if, um, and also, too, maybe since BP was a now a personhood who Todd had a relationship with, could they maybe be forced to pay child support on a few of their brats?

  • James Michael Curley

    This is another reason to ostracize this Bimbo. Hundreds of trees gave their lives so her insipid emails could be printed.

    • widestanceromance

      As a treehugger in all seriousness, I say they died with honor, protecting us from hearing them spoken.

      • James Michael Curley

        Hear, Hear!

  • OOOoooohhhh gimme your money! Gimme it now! Check your sofa. Did you find a nickel? Gimme that nickel. GIMME GIMME GIMME THAT NICKEL. I MUST HAVE THAT NICKEL! AMERICA WILL FAIL UNLESS YOU GIMME THAT NICKEL.

    • I don't know why, but your comment made me go through all my pockets.

  • Yeah, her O_MFGTawdYou'reDeadNowYouAsshole face.

    • widestanceromance

      I'm shaking just thinking of what that would sound like coming out of her mouth.

  • tessiee

    "If we, er, when we get a divorce, does that quell"

    Please, the only time this dizzy bitch has ever used the word "quell" is when she's buying disinfectant for crab lice.

    • widestanceromance

      To quell the squirmish of varmints from her south slope?

    • Rotundo_

      Thank you for a good gut laugh, I needed one and you delivered magnificently, Take a bow!

  • Troglodeity

    Based on the photos Wonkette posted today, Sarah Palin and Jeb Bush are soulmates.

  • tessiee

    Caption: $arah discovers that gas station is out of wine.

  • BZ1

    aren't the 15 minutes up yet?

  • VespulaMaculata

    There's a great line toward the end of Joe McGinnis's "The Rogue," which I've just finished: "Obviously, being reduced to the role of snarling chihuahua in some rich lady's purse is beginning to wear on Todd…" Even the folks who've known them for years, and would talk to McGinnis, paint the picture of a loveless marriage. "I never even saw them hold hands, because Sarah always had a Blackberry in hers." One of the finest political books I've read in a while.

  • Vinnie Saltine


  • beezie687

    I remember that old Wonkette article! I was at work when the news broke about Walnuts! picking SP as his running mate, my coworkers were all wondering who she was and I said, "Oh, you mean the GILF?" Thanks Wonkette, for making me look like a political savant that day.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, Wonkette was the only media outlet covering SP in 07. And, as few will remember, the coverage was fairly positive at first. As Jack Lemon said, nobody's perfect!

  • Schmegeg

    SO when was Tregg, or whoever the kid's name is, conceived? And who is the dad? Probably some Kenyan senator that dropped in for a quicky.

  • ttommyunger

    That is one ugly cunt; but we all knew that anyway.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is great news, I've been on the lookout for a rich trophy wife for a while now.

  • swordfis

    Wonkette is one of the "National media?"Judging from the comments I thought it was a masturbation site.

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