THINK LESS PRAY MORE  2:00 pm February 24, 2012

Santorum: Colleges Are ‘Indoctrination Mills’ That Evilly Enlighten The Young

by Liz Colville

today is the first day of the rest of our lives IN BLASPHEMOUS HELLLLLLLL MUAHHAHAHHA

Santorum continued his Knowledge Is Evil Tour this week with a visit to husband Glenn Beck’s radio program, where he went the farthest he’s gone yet — no guarantees that by summer’s end he won’t be recommending locking children in a dungeon with a Bible, some water and breadsticks i.e. the body of Christ for 18 years — in condemning higher education as an expensive and frightening thing that sucks Christianity right out of us, even those of us who are not Christian but had the potential to be until big heavy textbooks whalloped us over the head. Santorum, in this hour-long verbal makeout session, basically compared college to a factory, and cited some probably invented statistic that “62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it,” which really is great news, if true. As the National Journal politely put it, Santorum “declined to cite a source for the figure.”

Anyway anyway, the worst thing about this is calling colleges “indoctrination mills.” INDOCTRINATION OF WHAT, PRAY TELL? A worldview? Ideas? Creativity? Awareness? Respect? Ambition? Keg stands? Sports? Dance parties?

I understand why Barack Obama wants to send every kid to college, because of their indoctrination mills, absolutely … The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.

AAGFJKADGFSKFHALFADSFGGGG.

In this interview, which apparently was some weird kind of circus magic performance attended by other media members, Santorum also “expanded on his vision of dramatically reduced involvement in public education by both the states and the federal government,” in other words, the only persons who should have any say over a kid’s education is their sheltered, culturally deaf and blind parents, who know nothing of this world beyond the fact that they and all their wha neighbors have an average of 38 kids each and they are all beautiful gifts from this one particular lord.

Who, by the way, this lord is the reason Santorum is running for president, not sure if he knows that! But FYI Christ. [National Journal]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 265 comments }

Come here a minute February 24, 2012 at 2:05 pm

College is just crazy. That's where I learned that just about every religious person thinks other people's different religious beliefs are bullshit.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Also, I learned in college that things cost a lot of money and I need to make careful decisions when I start to buy stuff.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Beer is an important food group.

Generation[redacted] February 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And such purchasing decisions should be made on a case by case basis.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Oh, I was all about case studies. And keg studies. And large stein studies.

SideshowSlob February 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yes but hardly nutritionally balanced. Make sure to include veggies (pizza).

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Wow, y'all went to some weird schoolz. I thought college was where kids went to learn about sex and drugs.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:11 pm

When I was your age, we had to walk five miles in the snow to get stoned and have sex.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:53 pm

No wonder y'all were in such great shape back then!

IonaTrailer February 27, 2012 at 11:18 am

Well we had to walk ten miles uphill both ways in the snow just to get one punk rock CD.

tihond February 24, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Is anyone else starting to think Santorum doesn't want to win this?

Callyson February 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

What terrifies me is that, one, I think he *does* want to win the Veep, and two, I think he has a good chance of succeeding…

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Santorum on the Veep ticket is pretty much a guarantee that the ticket's gonna lose the general. Don't kid yourself. The wimmin voters are turning away from the Puglies. They're not leaving Romney to go to Santorum.

JustPixelz February 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I have the same suspicion.

In the days before lawyers could advertise, the story goes about a lawyer who ran for office as way to publicize himself. Until he almost won!

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I think he is running for High Priest.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Needz to get WAY MOAR High.

Madfall February 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Santorum looks like someone who thinks Idiocracy is a desirable aim for social advancement.

He looks a badly worked hand-puppet.

Beowoof February 24, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Oh oh does this mean Brawndo will replace the communion wine.

Swampgas_Man February 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm

He's more interested in Theocracy than Idiocracy.

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

There goes the Notre Dame endowment. Here come the angry letters from Zygote U.!

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Alienate the alumni organizations of Notre Dame, Liberty U., Oral Roberts U., etc.

e_z February 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Ignorance is Strength.

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 2:16 pm

And the force is strong in this one.

Maman February 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Ha! Methinks Ricky has figured out how NOT to pay for college for his brood. He is just saving them from Satan!

Barb February 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

In that sweater vest Santorum looks like he's running for President of the Student Council instead of POTUS.

MrFizzy February 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Or the National Goober Club.

tihond February 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Santorum: I'm running on lower seg fees and a hot tub in the quad.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

He dresses like the President of my Student Council who was blind. (No joke.)

starfanglednut February 24, 2012 at 5:27 pm

but funny, nonetheless.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Someone is upset that Harvard or Yale rejected him.

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Ding!

chascates February 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I dropped out of four different 'indoctrination mills' but was a freethinker before I even left high school!

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Sarah, is that you?

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 24, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Santorum also “expanded on his vision of dramatically reduced involvement in public education by both the states and the federal government,” in other words, the only persons who should have any say over a kid’s education is their sheltered, culturally deaf and blind parents, who know nothing of this world beyond the fact that they and all their wha neighbors have an average of 38 kids each and they are all beautiful gifts from this one particular lord.

Which is all well and good, but where are the kids going to learn about pot, sex and rock?

Swampgas_Man February 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

From Mommy and Daddy Trailer Park, of course! Junior will learn how to punch his wife in the stomach before he demands oral sex, both will learn a preference for meth instead of pot, and "Classic" Rawk stations will enjoy a new renaissance!

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

So the Rethuglicans are against:

1. Federal nutrition guidelines
2. Liquor taxes
3. Higher Education

So, fat drunk and stupid is the way to go through life.

hagajim February 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Of course. It plays right into their hands. The rich get to go to school and learn something while the poor are left at their fucking mercy. I think Santorum might be playing the Romney card here.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I love this comment so much, I want to roll it in flour and fuck the spots that remain white.

MrFizzy February 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

And white.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Got to have some of the blahs go to college, otherwise it takes all the fun out of March Madness office pools.

Trinket February 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

It's been working pretty well for me so far.

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

"Wha neighbors"? Is that like "blah people"?

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Yes, but with less soul.

gurukalehuru February 25, 2012 at 2:37 am

Some people see the world in wha and blah, and fail to notice the shades of grah.

orygoon February 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I teach college kids how to look shit up so they can be exposed to stuff that people did real world studies on, so they can write their assigned papers.

I guess that makes me a spawn of Satan. Ouch.

Redhead February 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Well I'm a woman so I *AM* Satan, according to him. Hi son! Your father and I are proud!

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Not just a woman, but a redheaded woman? You truly ARE the devil.

/also redheaded woman

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Do you gals realize you're surrounded by lustful male Wonketteerz who seem to have a *thing* for redheaded women?

Redhead February 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Half my exboyfriends would agree with you!

40 or 50 % McShineys February 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Which half? Upper or lower?

Catabite February 25, 2012 at 3:25 am

People like you thought me to think for myself, and saved me from a misdirected life of intellectual stagnation. So, um, yay, Satan spawn?

Goonemeritus February 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

He has a point before I sent my kids to school they believed in Santa Claus and thought I was cool. These days Santa only gets a snarky mention and they both think I’m old and embarrassing.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Took them that long? It's a wonder they go into a college at all.

orygoon February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

My 26-year-old son says "you're not a very good mother, you know" at every opportunity. I cling to the belief that this is a term of endearment.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

If the kid's 26, you don't need to be.

DaRooster February 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I feel your pain… my kid still does the "It's everyone else's fault… "(teacher, coach, cops, judge) It sucks but at 26 (or 21) it ain't you… until my kid figures out that – if it is everyone else… it's probably me – I won't be the target anymore.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I think I'm beginning to understand why my parents so fervently wished all of us would have children … and why none of us ever did.

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

If the kid's 26 … ur doing it right.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

At least he's not screaming "You're a horrible bitch and I fucking HATE you!"

That's always good for a few weeks of "Why the fuck did I decide I needed to have this kid in my life?" The older stepson ended up living with us because he was wont to put his arm through windows while arguing with his mother, which led to an arterial injury. Nothing like that emergency call that says your Numba One Fruit of Loinz is in the emergency room and needs blood.

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Have you started deliberately embarrassing them more when they roll their eyes at you? I've found that using their slang — preferably incorrectly — is effective and immensely satisfying. Totally puts a smile on my face, dawg.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I love doing that. My own teenage daughter is *particularly* anal about the relative use of the terms "fanfic" and "fan fiction." I have to think carefully to make sure I get them wrong every time.

ThundercatHo February 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I purposely asked my son if he was playing Reddit on his ipad. Singing and dancing in front of their friends is also a favorite. My husband specializes in playing various air instruments in public.

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I like saying "Groovy" and "groovilicious" like I really mean it. I like being left alone.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

We told them if they didn't straighten up and fly right, we were gonna move in with them when we got old, and invite all our disreputable hippie friends over and smoke pot in their kitchen and wander around unshaven and in our funky clothes and not clean our rooms, either.

Give them a taste of their own medicine.

MissTaken February 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Just wait until they are in their thirties. I drive hours to go see mine voluntarily and ask for and actually take their advice on things.

Just please don't tell them about your sex life, we never grow out of not needing to know about that.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

My parents don't have a sex life, and if anyone suggests otherwise LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

ThundercatHo February 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

This summer my mom got remarried. While I was driving her to the church for the nuptials she started to tell me what she was wearing under her dress and how her husband-to-be would be so surprised. I hit the brakes so hard she nearly slammed her little white-haired head right into the dashboard.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Never will forget the look at my then teenage daughter's face when I said to her point blank, "There is nothing that you are thinking of doing that I haven't done already, so you won't get away with it."
She went on the graduate college with honors, got married, and still does not have children.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

There is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, grosser than the thought that your parents EVAH did the horizontal samba. And I don't care who reminds me that I wouldn't be here without it.

banana_bread February 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Shh, I'm still in denial about this. Mine hits kindergarten this fall and I know it's all downhill from there. D:

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Doesn't have to be that way. Keep yourself in the game, and they may surprise you.

I had the benefit of being mostly unemployed when my kids were that age, meaning I spent a ton of time with them, doing all the things they say you're supposed to do. So far they've paid me back with straight-A (mostly) report cards, beautiful (mostly) manners and burgeoning musical talent.

Don't pinch me; I don't want to wake up.

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yes, but do they believe in G-d? That's the important thing.

starfanglednut February 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

it's ok if they're miserable, as long as they have FAITH.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Yes, but do they believe in G-d? That's the important thing.

Actually, yeah, they do. Except I don't know how important it is. We touched on this subject in a different thread yesterday. They go to the same Catholic school from whence I graduated in the late 70s. It's the best school in town, so even though I no longer practice the faith, I'm more than OK with it. The fact that my wife teaches there kinda seals the deal.

I'm not anti-God or anything. Just a typical jaded grownup that notices organized religions spend too much time organizing for the wrong things.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Obviously, you worked really hard for that.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Pretty much. They're so cute when they're … four.

Swampgas_Man February 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

My parents got tired of the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy long before I did.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

When the younger stepson (he of the affectionate hugs and kisses and wanting to sit on laps) hit TEN, he started asking us to drop him off around the corner from school. Because he didn't want to be seen with us because we were so weird and embarrassing. Lemme tellya, that cuts you right to the heart.

Not enough to *stop* being weird and embarrassing, or anything, but still.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Santorum does have a strong point, as being educated would tend to make you realize that everything a Conservative says is bat-shit insane.

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Please let Santorum be the nominee. This country is ready for a national dialog on the evils of education and nookie.

Dudleydidwrong February 25, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Are you calling for One More ReThuglican Debate?

friendlyskies February 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Why can't the masses simply be kept illiterate, and read selected portions of the Bible by a small group of men pledged to interpret said passages in a specific way? Then we could avoid this whole "indoctrination" nonsense altogether.

Dumbedup February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Right! Plus, the rich kids will still go to Exeter and Harvard, lets not kid ourselves, it's just education for the masses that's become passe'

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Hey, it's not like I open my box of Soylent Green and check for diplomas.

mavenmaven February 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Well, of course that's what Santorum as an old school Catholic believes. Didn't he remove Protestants with their evil idea of universal access to scripture from the ranks of Christianity?

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

He wants to grow the GOP base, because stupid people are more likely to vote Republican.

MrFizzy February 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Hey it got W elected twice. All you have to do is be cynical enough, and you have a real chance, even if you wear a sweater vest.

Joshua Norton February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.

I so agree with this. Repugs should just play it safe and never send their kids to college. That way McDonalds will be guaranteed a steady supply of semi-literate, warm-body burger flippers. And the rest of us with decent jobs that require college degrees won't have to put up with the office teabagger, jack-ass ranting about how Nobama is a muslin.

GunToting[Redacted] February 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I would agree with this providing that we pass a constitutional amendment to require a college degree to vote.

BigDumbRedDog February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Facts have a satanic bias?

cheaphits February 24, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Depends a bit on which ghost-in-the-sky sect you choose, but pretty much, yeah.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 2:42 am

It may seem that way — but the correlation has more to do with my bias for facts.

Redhead February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

98% of college students remember 10% (or less) of their years in college. What exactly are they being indoctrinated with, because I don't think it's taking…

chascates February 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

This old college is filled with sin,
It'll swallow you in
If you've got some money to burn.
Take it home right away,
You've got three years to pay
But Satan is waiting his turn

SheriffRoscoe February 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Sources? Who, besides college professors, cares about sources?

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it."

I always figured I just accidentally left it in that beer-soaked couch I refused to drag home after graduation.

Catabite February 25, 2012 at 3:27 am

I left mine at home- I had too much baggage as it was.

meatlofer February 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Colleges? How do they work?

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Money goes in, burdensome debt comes out. Never a misindoctrination.

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

You beat me to it, fpd.

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Students go in, students come out. You can't explain it.

SmutBoffin February 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Jeez, have you seen the stuff they teach at these colleges? I mean, chemistry? God made matter in immutable forms, you can't just mix and match it to make other stuff! Heretical!

Don't get me started on "Women's Studies", either. Who wants to learn about something that is just a passive vessel for reproductive purposes and that doesn't have a life outside of marriage anyway?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Ultrasound technicians in Virginia?

edgydrifter February 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Faith-based engineering is sure to produce some interesting weapons systems.

Gunner Asch February 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

lumpenprole February 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

It gave us the suicide bomber and… bezerkers?

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Enlighten the young? Is that some sekrit code for "make hundreds of thousands of dollars that could be going to Foster Friess"?

archikvetch February 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Cathechism is not an indoctrination mill? I'd say Ricky knows indoctrination by golly jeepers!

OneDollarJuana February 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Clearly, Santorum still smarts after never having been invited to a frat party. Or any party.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Except the Republican party.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Keg stands

How last decade.

Liz, keg *planking* It's the new rage

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Keg Tebowing?

ChernobylSoup February 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I realize Catholics weren't too keen on the whole protestant reformation thing, but they do know it happened, right?

Loaded_Pants February 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Some of them like to pretend that it never happened.

RadioSBJ February 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm

More proof of Butt Juice's theory: I went to community college and have an associates degree. I am also a Unitarian.

Swampgas_Man February 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Bachelor's in English Lit here; by coincidence, I am also unemployed.

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Well, he's right about one thing: learning how to think for yourself is something that liberal secularists value, not religious conservatives.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You gotta admire the tenacity of the Catholic Right, still fighting The Enlightenment, 500 years later.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Enlightenment? They're still unhappy about the Renaissance.

starfanglednut February 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Da Vinci had teh gay.

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

As Tom Ferrick Jr. wrote in the NYT: "…Santorum has one of the finest minds of the 13th century."

lumpenprole February 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Everything horrible promises to Rise Again (in 3D!)

edgydrifter February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Dear Ricky,

The Jesuits would like a word with you about the value of higher education.

XOXO,

Il Papa

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Do the Jesuits think they're fooling Il Papa, or does Il Papa think he's fooling them?

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

That the fun thing about the Jezzies. Wheels within wheels within wheels. Sort of like the CIA/black ops of the Church. Even Opus Dei doesn't know what to do with them.

nounverb911 February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Does the Santorum's home schooling stop at grade 16 or does go onto Medical school too?

ChernobylSoup February 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm

You could write a whole sitcom by imagining the Santorum kids growing up and entering the real world.

Mahousu February 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Sounds more like a tragedy than a sitcom.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Dr. Nick Riviera's Correspondence Course.

CrunchyKnee February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

When I entered college I was an atheist dumb-ass skater punk with no ambition, 20 years later, I am still an atheist dumb-ass skater punk with no ambition and bad knees, and Jesus didn't have anything to do with it either. Well, I still have a faithful commitment to woman and booze. So, stick that in your god pipe, Santorum.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Admit it, you gave up pot for Lent.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Did you take an arrow to the knee.

SayItWithWookies February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

“62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it,”

Shit, Rick — 62% of the people who start learning the fucking alphabet with a faith commitment finish without it. Maybe it's just that clear that getting your moral precepts from an absolute authority with no accompanying explanation for those precepts makes no sense.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Blind faith = blind.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Anyway anyway, the worst thing about this is calling colleges “indoctrination mills.”

Soon to be sent to China, following the rest of our factory jobs.
~

DCBloom February 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Wheel is turning and you can't slow it down…….

StarsUponThars February 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Conversely, the indoctrination that is going on at the church level is a harm to our country.

veritass February 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

If someone mentions religion at a famous tech school that I'm currently being indoctrinated by attending, the response is usually "hahaha, what the fuck? So anyway…"

Which is exactly the way it should be. Religion is a joke unworthy of a rational response.

IncenseDebate February 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm

What about the snotty city slickers?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:32 pm

They think they're so high and mighty, just because they take public transportation.

Chillwillard February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And 62% of what Rick says is complete utter bullshit. The other 28% is borderline retarded.

Geminisunmars February 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And the remaining 10% is just evil.

rickmaci February 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

…and the other 10%?

Chillwillard February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Damn Librul Arts College indoctrination messed up my math beliefs!

rickmaci February 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Not to worry. In the Republitard altered universe, nothing adds up anyway.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

136 percent of fox viewers agree.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

If only you'd gone to Brother Billy Bob's Bible Kolledge and learned creation math.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:33 pm

"62% of what Rick says is complete utter bullshit. The other 28%"

Always nice to encounter another English major.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 2:52 am

Hey! Another Wonketeer gets greenlighted on the "r" word. Congratulations!

BigDumbRedDog February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

The only indoctrination I ever saw in four years of college were those campus crusade for Christ assholes. They wanted students to tithe 10% of their scholarships to them.

coolhandnuke February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Rick Santorum is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
But don't listen to me, I was indoctrinated at Manchurian Tech.

MissTaken February 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

He's right! In college I took a course on History of the New Testament and actually read the whole darn thing cover to cover for the very first time. I immediately realized that at least 97% of what I learned in Southern Baptist Sunday school was a crock of shit.

I also learned how to do a beer bong without spilling all over myself…yay higher education!

prommie February 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I learned how to do a bong-bong.

MissTaken February 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That was high school. Pot was much easier to get a hold of than alcohol when I was a teen.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I learned how to do a bing-bong.

I wore a helmet on the bus, too.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It's all about the tassels.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You too?

An_Outhouse February 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I learned how to grow killer weed. (The short version: get rid of the male plants).

LagunaB February 24, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Good seeds. Bat guano.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Reading the Bible is a very good way to turn someone to atheism.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Fer sure. What? You think you can bore me into being a good Christian? I say bring on the girls' choir with the guitars, and the folk songs, or I QUIT.

(Pretty much what happened, as I recall.)

Oblios_Cap February 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I learned how to acquire a lifetime of debt, but the experience was worth the student loans.

Guppy February 24, 2012 at 3:01 pm

But half the fun of spilling it all over yourself is the cleanup!

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I went to a lib-libby-liberal arts college, and I took a "Survey of Lit" type course, year long, that was required for all students. One of the "texts" that we studied was the Bible (selected excerpts).

There was, of course, a student who spent the whole class period arguing that you can't study the Bible as a work of literature because it's the actual word of God. True story.

I said, "Hey man, it's just ink on paper, like Pride and Prejudice or Catcher in the Rye. What's this God you speak of?"

JustPixelz February 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

In that context, why learn anything? God will provide winning lottery tickets to those who need them.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Why does God hate me?

Local_Mojo February 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Perhaps we rename ourselves "New Haiti": 90% Catholic and 100% Voodoo.

Mumbletypeg February 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Oh I've heard about the indogtrination mills of which he speaks. They're especially bad in Missouri, where the regulation of them is pretty lax. The inbreeding practices and sheer volume of output hasn't gone unnoticed by activists who feel indogtrinations deserve better living conditions and wholesome care before they're farmed out to shopping center retailers where they eke out a caged, paltry existence until someone shopping around for the perfect family indogtrination decides to take one home, usually at market-plus price. Thank dog someone is finally standing up to this inhumane practice!

slowhansolo February 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Indoctrination? You mean like the last two months of weekly sermons against Obamacare in every Catholic church nationwide?

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Here in Washington state, the last two months of Catholic sermons have all been about the evils of gay marriage.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

It should be called the "Knowledge and Sex are Both Evil" tour, considering his recent remarks about how this whole liberal agenda all stems from Woodstock, the "Great Orgy," and in the end, all us liberals are all about is "sexual freedom." I cannot stress enough, that his words make it plain that he considers "sexual freedom" to be a bad, wicked, evil thing. The wacky right Catholics truly, literally, want for their to be negative consequences for sex, they want people to get STDs, and they want women to have to endure unwanted pregnancies, they want young people to "have to" get married," they want all these things. I suppose if they make everyone all scared to death of sex, they will get more men willing to join their He Man Women-Hating Club, aka The Priesthood.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

It really is a vicious, anti-human "morality" that wants to condemn nearly everyone for perfectly good, normal and consensual acts out of jealousy and spite. Fuck him with a rusty crowbar.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 3:00 pm

the Church needs to be needed. They have to scare you with hell, to make you cling to the church for your salvation. "Original Sin" is the genius of christianity, they're telling people that the default is damnation, that our normal, natural desires are sinful, that way, EVERYONE needs the salvation they offer. If only murderers needed the church's help, they'd have few customers.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It's a tough sell, either way. I don't envy them. Apart from "there's a sucker born every minute" I have no idea how they keep those pews full.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"Give me a child for the first seven years, and I will give you the man." — (attributed to) St. Ignatius Loyola

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Sex is a secret sacred sancrement between a priest and his choir.

How dare you let Santorum into this!

Gainsbourg69 February 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm

The wacky right fundies aren't too far behind them.

rickmaci February 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If colleges can turn only 62% of the kids after four years, they are doing a piss poor job of indoctrination.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

50% of the kids are below average. Maybe its like engineering school classes, there is no fucking curve, you actually have to pass.

BornInATrailer February 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

So the GOP isn't just going excuse stupid, isn't going to just celebrate stupid, but is going to make stupid a sacrament?

hagajim February 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I went to college with the faith that Republicans were full of shit and really trying to fuck the rest of us over….six years and three degrees later I didn't believe any different. Except now, as the Santorum level rises, I don't think they're even trying to hide their shit from us anymore.

bureaucrap February 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

It's like the ad of the United Negro College Fund in reverse:

"Santorum: Because a Mind is a Terrific Thing to Waste!"

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Nicely done!

Not_So_Much February 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm

If we keep all our kids in jars, their minds won't get polluted by librul "facts".

GunToting[Redacted] February 24, 2012 at 3:42 pm

True, but if you don't sterilize the jars correctly, they'll get moldy.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Is that what happened to the Bush kid?

owhatever February 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm

All papers will henceforth begin with the words, This is Dedicated to my Dark Lord Satan and his Liberal Democrat legions.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I first read that as "Liberal Democrat lesbians", which would also be acceptable.

SudsMcKenzie February 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm

And 62% come out of college with a first hand knowledge of Santorum.

Heeeyyooo!

Soylent Green February 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Santorum is a walking Chick Tract.

SenileAgitation February 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Except he's Catlick, which Chick will not abide, orders from Rome and veneration of Mary and false idols and all. Almost as far from Real God as Mormons!

Urban_Achiever February 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Well considering what's currently happening at his alma mater Penn State, he may just have a point….

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

And remember that back before we people of Pennsylvania kicked him out of the Senate, he gave Sandusky an award for his work with children.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:42 pm

LOL, I never heard that. That's awfully funny, if true.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Totally true:
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/big_tent/13354

Then Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum thought enough of Jerry Sandusky nine years ago to sponsor the former Penn State defense coordinator for a “Congressional Angels in Adoption” award, citing his work with a non-profit group he founded to provide care for foster children.

“Its philosophy is simple: it is easier to develop a child than to rehabilitate an adult,” read the citation in the awards dinner program from Sept. 24, 2002.

Urban_Achiever February 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Nice–Santorum is also well-versed in the art of "looking the other way" when it comes to protecting the likes of John Ensign, so the parallels are there

ingloriousbytch February 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

And who would know better about indoctrination mills than a product of Catholic education?

Naked_Bunny February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Government shouldn't be so large that it won't fit inside a vagina.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

It's hard to top that!

HelmutNewton February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

“62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it”

Funny how that happens when people learn to think for themselves.

kissawookiee February 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

College would be so much better if it were structured around focused learning–say, for example, memorizing scripture front to back–and appropriate gender roles–say, for example, limiting said scripture memorization to males, with females compelled strongly encouraged to stay inside their homes, tending to the children they should start popping out round about age 14, give or take 4 years.

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Madrassa libel@!!!

Naked_Bunny February 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I had to take theology and theodicy classes in college. That killed whatever belief I had.

Oh, and the nasty critical thinking course.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

*Critical* Thinking?

See? There's your problem! Conform!

Here, have a Brawndo….

Doktor Zoom February 24, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Theodicy is a much better class than Theilliad. More monsters.

Chichikovovich February 24, 2012 at 7:49 pm

That's the trouble with those stretches with 5 articles coming in rapid-fire succession. Inspired postification like this doesn't get nearly the notice or upfisting it deserves.

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I thank you, and apologize to Dok. Without your stopper comment, I would have zoomed right past this thinking that "Thei…." was just a misspelling of some other God-bothering subspecialization, instead of the wonderful bit of homerism I now realize it to be.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 2:55 am

You got Theodicy and Theilliad? All I got was Teilhard. Darned Jesuits…

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

Hey, I like Teilhard – much better than vegetable oil. As long as you don't overcook to the point where it's Chardin smoking.

Naked_Bunny February 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

This is from someone who's religion literally is a state.

Dumbedup February 24, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yeah, I learned critical thinking, creative cooking and how to smoke pot out of literally anything!

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I always sort of wondered why the college honor pledge we had to write on our exam blue books ended with "All hail the Dark Lord."

BlackRhino February 24, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Collage did not pry the 62% of my faith away, it was the “Learn to arch your evil eye brows and twist your evil mustache” class I took in grad school.

Barrelhse February 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I know we can do much better than 62%.

Rayn_And February 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Maybe I'm the exception to the rule, being an individual who was awakened spritually in college…Does Castenada count?

Gunner Asch February 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I found Castenada interesting until my wife and I went to a reading of his stuff by Burgess Meridith one night. Suddenly my silly-meter pegged.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I sounds much better when you're stoned, obv.

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 8:56 pm

You got that right.

GunToting[Redacted] February 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Was he wearing a monocle and holding an umbrella?

Rayn_And February 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Have to agree…He was a fraud…but a fun fraud…you have to give kudos to anyone who can score a doctorate in anthropology with a work of pure fiction.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:53 pm

"a reading of his stuff by Burgess Meridith"

The only way this could possibly be any better is if he read it in character as The Penguin.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm

But if we get rid of colleges, where will the dorm porn come from?

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I know just what he means – my Catholic grammar school engaged in non-stop indoctrination.

Guppy February 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

“expanded on his vision of dramatically reduced involvement in public education by both the states and the federal government,”

And now it falls into place. Public education has traditionally been a Protestant value. The whole reason we have Catholic schools is because Catholic immigrants (justifiably) found US public schools a bit too Protestant-y at the time, what with their English-language Bibles and such.

Ricky really is the Establishment Candidate!

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Except for minor sectarian tweaks, he is the Antidisestablishmentarian.

glamourdammerung February 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

One would almost think that the Republicans have an agenda in pushing folks being ignorant. But that certainly could not be the case, or else we would end up with nonsense like signs saying "keep the gubbermint outta mah medicare".

DerrickWildcat February 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Stay Stupid.
Stay Republican.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

“62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it”

38% of colleges are still failing to do their job? No wonder this country is circling the drain of history.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Maths are everywhere. Look around you. http://www.metacafe.com/watch/yt-drE5cHe6c3s/look

Slim_Pickins February 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

The 38% are the ones that go to Liberty University, Oral Roberts, and the like…

widestanceromance February 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

A ounce of knowledge is worth a pound of faith.

smitallica February 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

More accurately, an ounce of knowledge will help counteract and erase the damage of a pound of faith.

JustPixelz February 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

That's why his home-schooled children will not go to college. Yeah … indoctrination … that's the reason.

Oblios_Cap February 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

If God wanted you to gain knowledge he wouldn't have punished Eve for taking a bite of that apple.

KeepFnThatChicken February 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Meanwhile, the only "doctor" he will allow to "indoctrinate" him, is a doctor in Theology.

Or a person who most strongly believes in made-up shit, and has a seven-year degree to prove it.

smitallica February 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Ricky and I went to the same "indoctrinating" college. So how come I turned out a crazy liberal and he's a right-wing religious lunatic?

Oh, right. I got laid.

jus_wonderin February 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

So is he going to "Home College" his young ones?

Loaded_Pants February 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Probably just ship 'em off to Ave Maria University.

BZ1 February 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

There was no santorum at colleges? hardly unlikely…

Doktor Zoom February 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

It's true, you know. I went to college, read a lot of books, and ended up leaving the Church.

smitallica February 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

You and me both, Doktor.

VaWyo February 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

You put your right foot in, your put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about, you do the Hokey Pokey and you become a Socialist, that's what it's all about!"

It all makes sense now.

Numbat_Dundee February 24, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Decent Church going folk are opposed to doctrination. They would never do that in their churches.

randcoolcatdaddy February 24, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Zeus is not pleased with Rick Santorum's disregard for sex on the streets and book learnin'.

mavenmaven February 24, 2012 at 4:37 pm

78% of people with sources for their statistics get them from Satan.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Hope you guessed my name: "Father of All Statistics"

JPPennypacker February 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm

According to his Wikipedia, he went to Penn State. Wasn't there an issue with the football program there? Hmmm. Maybe he played the wrong kind of touch football …

lochnessmonster February 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Is he returning his diplomas?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Yes, but only because Penn State demanded it.

Wonderthing February 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I went to college and learned how to puke. Never into the wind and to the right.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Also, when you've been out drinking southern comfort with your friends, and you go to a diner for coffee after the bar closes, skip the banana cream pie.

Slim_Pickins February 24, 2012 at 5:53 pm

He didn't mean "home school" he meant a Jesuit boarding school.

Chichikovovich February 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm

“expanded on his vision of dramatically reduced involvement in public education by both the states and the federal government,”

Well, Rick, you'll be happy to know that unlike virtually every other vision you have, this one is already based in reality. Here in Michigan, if the state contribution to higher education becomes a smaller fraction of university operating budgets they'll be essentially private schools. (U. of Michigan the state contribution is between 10 and 18% of the total U annual budget, depending on how you count, and it's dropping fast. Similarly for Michigan State, though I don't know the precise numbers there. And some of the smaller state schools like Grand Valley State might as well be private already as far as the State contribution is concerned.)

So I'd say you should take heart, that your program is already under way, Rick, but sadly, even with state support replaced by tuition, corporate partnerships, wealthy alumni writing big checks and less wealthy alumni kicking in what they can, the universities are just as indoctrinatory as ever. I still remember with pride a couple of years ago, when a young, sweet and innocent young undergraduate from Grand Rapids told me that thanks to my lectures on the use of the ultraproduct construction for generating non-standard models of arithmetic, she had renounced Christ and had started having sex with men every night and had hollowed out her Bible to keep her abortifacient potions in. But she still had some standards, though. She would only have sex with men if they would let her call them "Satan" when she climaxed.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

It's worse than just the colleges, though; he wants the government to get mostly out of the business of public education, period, and it appears wants to move to most kids getting home schooled. Fuck that piece of shit.

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

You wouldn't happen to have those lecture notes available on the internetz, would you?

Chichikovovich February 24, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I haven't ever written up a version I'd feel comfortable circulating, but really it's far from my main research areas and there's nothing super-exciting in them. Like anyone else lecturing on a topic like this I have my own differences of emphasis and little simplifying tricks here and there but really nothing significantly different what you'd find in classic textbooks like Bell and Slomsen's Models and Ultraproducts or Chang & Keisler's Model Theory. If I ever teach a course beyond the graduate introduction level I'll push deeper and probably have to put more of an individual stamp on it, but I don't see myself teaching such a course in the future barring a radical (Saul Alinsky style!) shift in my research direction.

Which is a shame, because ever since Hrushovski started unveiling his thrilling results in geometric model theory in the mid 1990s there has been a feast of beautiful and profound work there. But the work is so challenging to master, and there's always the same curse/blessing we all face – too many beautiful things to learn and discover out there, only one lifetime to do it in.

Abernathy February 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Santorum's right: He has three degrees from public universities, and according to this here wonkette.com site, there's a video of him fucking Satan!

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 10:10 pm

"The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country."

"Because it's next to impossible to sell our special brand of horseshit to anyone but the totally ignorant."

Rasvar February 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

The only thing I indoctrinate my students into is thinking for themselves. Granted, that is dangerous to most politicians.

Schmegeg February 25, 2012 at 4:15 am

My hazy recollection was that Sunday was for hangovers. And WTF did Rick do at PSU on Sunday? Inquiring minds want to know how the Frat Boy fit in some Religious fun after a long football weekend.

ttommyunger February 25, 2012 at 7:44 am

…and this home-schooling religious fanatic knows a thing or two about indoctrination.

OyeBuelah February 25, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I'm a little confused as to how he has won any election — did he not speak during those campaigns?

IonaTrailer February 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

"I'm an American Taliban…" sung to American Idiot…..

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Let's all move our money to the Spawn Of Satan Credit Union!

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

As someone else said somewhere on this thread, "All Hail The Dark Lord" is embroidered on all our pillows, etc.

PS I have always loved your avatar. Foxy paws FTW!

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