GOOD NEWS  10:31 pm February 23, 2012

Gay Marriage Passes in Maryland; Twitter Awaits Santorum’s Reaction

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Rick Santorum must now gay marry his microphone.

The Maryland Senate passed a bill allowing same-sex marriage that the House also passed last week, which the governor will now sign shortly, hooray! This makes Maryland the first state with a direct reference to Catholicism in its name to legalize gay marriage and the eighth state to do so overall, which immediately forced Virginia to also advance an anti-gay adoption bill today as a bulwark against common sense spreading any further south of the Mason-Dixon line. Twitter, meanwhile, is growing agitated that Rick Santorum has not yet issued a reaction that is gravely offensive to the basic principles of decency for it to mock. Come on, he did it for the Ninth Circuit ruling against California’s Proposition 8! Did someone forget to put another quarter in the squawking toy clown’s butt?

Comedy demands your imbecile response, Rick!

Let us also briefly note that some people are going to argue that gay rights activists “owe” zombie virus Dick Cheney a “thank you,” because he reportedly privately lobbied a Maryland GOP legislator or two to vote for the bill. He has a gay daughter, remember? So those possessed of a short-term memory might think, “eh, he at least did one thing right” instead of doing the only possible moral thing whenever his name comes up, picturing an Iraqi toddler with her limbs blown off. The thank-you notes go to the legions of activists who work on these issues every day to support and advance gay marriage without engineering the murder of thousands of civilians or promoting torture and war crimes. [WaPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 322 comments }

gullywompr February 23, 2012 at 10:35 pm

You mean "Satanland", doncha?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am

Poor Ricky. He campaigned in Seattle the day the Washington gay marriage bill was signed into law, and now this — right next door! It's hard being a bigot.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:09 am

Hmm. I wonder … you know, ntDewey pointed out that every time I assume some Republican pol's av/id, he crashes shortly after.

I wonder if Santorum's actually responsible for all this pro-gay legislation being passed.

Anybody know where he's headed next? And if they have any rights bills up for vote?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:16 am

Like, everyone (save that permanent 20% of wingnuts) thinks he's such an asshole, that they figure, "Ya know, since I can't literally poke him in the eye with a stick, I'll support gay and abortion rights to figuratively do it." even though they could usually care less about anything that's not PlayStation or football if it weren't for Santorum's nasty face agitating the populace lately.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:30 am

No, more like either some wonderful quantum mechanical explanation that indicates that some of his component atoms interacted at various phases with the component atoms of other beings all over the nation (ew), and those atoms continue to interact, despite their now great separation, and they are so repulsed by him, as it were, that they bring about this tide of events that sort of creates an *anti*-santorum, if you will.

Either that, or magic. But SOMEthing, yaknow?

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:17 am

I think he's on the Highway to Hell.

That would be State Highway 666. We used to have one of those here in the Square State until the religitards got the DOT to change the designation from 666 to 491. True fact.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:25 am

Ugh. Because three numbers written by some guy with obviously delusion-inducing levels of blood-lead, forty-plus years after Christ's death, matters.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:32 am

Oh geebus, like, WTF are these morons even on about, half the time? I believe that wearing white boots on my ears will cause women everywhere to fall in love with me. How is that any less moronic than the shit these people believe? Honestly, I want to believe in god so I can run for the position and just wipe these fuckers out for being stupid.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

I remember reading that. Are you in Wyoming? I don't know if that or CO is called the Square State. For me I call any state that doesn't have several Bruce Springsteen concerts a year a Square State.

I remember driving west to Cheyenne and being amazed that as level as it looked I was going up this hill that was close to a hundred miles long. In such a situation I totally underestimated my gas supply, 1947 MG-TC, no gas gauge.

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:40 am

The Virginians have thought that Maryland was full of Satanists since colonial times as the Maryland is the Papist State and not founded by supposed cavaliers. It's interesting to note that those prestigious cavaliers who landed at Jamestown didn't have enough sense to make friends with the Native people rather than pissing them off. This resulted in the Jamestown settlement starving inside their stockade wall while the Native people took pot shots over the top with arrows.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

The Cuyahoga natives always visited the Cavaliers at Jamestown to see his spectacular dunks.

BerkeleyBear February 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

But they turned on him once he decided to move the fort south, am I right?

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

One of the first US Supreme Court tests of the supremacy of the Interstate Commerce Clause was whether Virginia could continue to enforce a toll at their southern border which had been legislated before the constitution was adopted to regulate the traffic of the heathen Papists from NC. Unfortunately, if I remember correctly, Marshall said they could (mumbling profanities under his breath as he reads his monthly EZ-Pass bill).

I wonder if Little Ricky and the Georgia Salamander realize that if they get everything back to their precious original origins of this country they will likely get thrown in jail in several statesfor being Catholic.

Terry February 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Little Ricky and the Georgia Salamander would have to move to Maryland, Rhode Island, or Pennsylvania, basically. Maryland doesn't pick on the Gheys and brown people enough. Rhode Island is ethnic, crooked, and run by political machines on which neither Ricky nor Newty would have much influence. Pennsylvania ran Little Ricky out on an 18 point rail, so neither his nor Newty's message may resonate well.

Basically, they'd be screwed and I wouldn't have a bit of sympathy for them.

actor212 February 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

Leave the Republicans out of this!

Numbat_Dundee February 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Future Iraqi toddlers will have their limbs blown off by soldiers who may be openly gay and married. No doubt they will be greatful for this consolation and will praise Cheney, as should we all.

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Wait, we're going back to Iraq? Fwcuk!!!

imissopus February 23, 2012 at 11:56 pm

He meant Iranian toddlers.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

Condi just said "We don't want the smoking gun to be a gay marriage cloud." Sorry Iranian toddlers.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm

No iCloud for you!

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

But said legislation passed without the crucial man-on-dog provision, so it is a hollow victory.

memzilla February 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Sooo… what, we can still bomb teh brown people, just not the gay ones?

This is going to require a very special targeting algorithm, and maybe a nice Shiraz.

Designer_Rants February 23, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Yeah, how does a Raptor Death Drone know if it's just a regular brown person, or a brown person who went to a liberal arts college?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

The regular brown person has a job.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

That doesn't involve saying, "would you like goat horn shavings with that?"

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Skinny jeans; the proof is in the pudding with skinny jeans.

Limeylizzie February 23, 2012 at 11:34 pm

OK, as the full saying is "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" that makes it even gayer.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:11 am

Thank you. I was just about to have one of my patented hissyfits over that.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 3:00 am

Wait, there's a Raptor Death Drone that targets people wearing skinny jeans?

mayor_quimby February 24, 2012 at 4:48 am

Don't tell gothamist, or the awl

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Starbucks is a "job," thanks very much.

Designer_Rants February 23, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Don't quit your gay job.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Wooo-hooo!

FakaktaSouth February 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Aw, their song is so appropriate tonight! Go Terrapins, and good on ya Maryland!

Remember Howard's warlike thrust,-
And all they slumberers with the just, Maryland! My Maryland!

Guppy February 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Secessionist Civil War songs in support of gay marriage? I like it!

FakaktaSouth February 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I'm saying they're talking to Chris Christie (and about gettin' nekid) now!

"She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb-
Huzza! she spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes! she burns! she'll come! she'll come!
Maryland! My Maryland!"

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

Don't EVAH prophesize Christie gettin nekid. Millions of us from NJ live close enough to the shore to go all lemmings with that image.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Woo WOO!

They sing this with a straight face?

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:44 am

Relax, dooood, I lived inside the Beltway for 18.5 years and never once did I ever hear anyone sing that stupid song. I never even saw the words anywhere until sometime in the last couple of years on the internetz. You heard "Dixie" a lot more.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:24 am

This is supposed to make me *relax*? It's not like "Dixie" is, you know, significantly more endearing to those of my various persuasions, dood.

Fare la Volpe February 24, 2012 at 6:01 am

my various persuasions

You are just a Southern good ole boy's unholy terror dream, aren't you?

GunToting[Redacted] February 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

I went to UMD for grad school, and it took me several months to work out why the college chapel's bell tower played "O Tannenbaum" at the top of every hour.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

I just about spit my coffee out on that one.

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Yeah, but the turtles are going down to my Tarheels.

FakaktaSouth February 23, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I've had a weird thing for ol' Roy since his Kansas days. Just do my worn-down Alabama basketball loving soul a favor and beat Kentucky.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 12:10 am

True story: Roy was a student of my father, who was on the faculty of UNC. Sadly, I have not kept in touch.

superdave February 24, 2012 at 10:32 am

Woohoo! Go Tar Heels! (and yay Maryland!)

Went to Carolina and live in The Free State.

finallyhappy February 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I thought we were the Old Line State??? And I am represented by the only openly gay state senator in Md- go, Rich!

superdave February 24, 2012 at 1:42 pm

According to Wikipedia, Maryland has multiple nicknames: The Old Line State, The Free State, The Chesapeake Bay State, and The Frothy State. Or something like that.

ShaveTheWhales February 24, 2012 at 1:30 am

Is that Howard the Dolphin?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 7:44 am

Build the danged (turtle) fence!

- @petehoekstra

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:43 am

The sixth verse involves Marylanders coming to the rescue of Virginians. The BEST line in that song, one that's often omitted, involves scraping the Northern scum off the streets of Baltimore. Honestly, I don't think that northern scum is necessarily Baltimore's biggest problem.

finallyhappy February 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Lake Trout maybe?

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Yippee!

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:30 pm

(Grabs MissTaken, dances around) Isn't it TERRIFIC? Maybe before I die, I'll get to see it legal in all 50 states.

bagofmice February 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Seriously, this intense debate platform makes me want to go full on black hat. The fury is generated by the cookie bullshit. My session has expired? Fuck you, I'm making a goddamned joke, not a bank deposit.

I say this as an engineer of distributed REST systems for fortune 500 companies. Seriously, a temporal aspect on the friggin cookies for commenting? seriously.

DoktorThompson February 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I engineered a perpetual motion machine to keep my session from expiring.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I know. Brilliant idea. I can't imagine the purpose.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 23, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I've never had that problem. I can leave it weeks and still comment. This is Firefox 10 on OSX – it doesn't even forget between firefox version upgrades.

</nerd>

signed, a fellow distributed REST system developer

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 12:01 am

Try to hit the timeout barrier. Like leave a page open for four hours before hitting reply on a post. The friggin thing pops up its window and says “denied”. If it weren't too late already, I would debug it, as this falls into the category of debuggal things.So much fury at the timeout. So much.Thanks

Fare la Volpe February 24, 2012 at 5:57 am

It's pretty easy to fix. Just copy what you were going to type, refresh the page, then re-submit it. It's annoying, yeah, but I've dealt with far worse in the past (at least ID doesn't log you out of your account every time you close a window).

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:28 am

Of course, but re-expanding the comment thread is kind of annoying. I mean seriously, I have to copy, expand, paste and post to make a dick joke?
Heh, expand and paste.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

It doesn't kick you out of the system. It just tells you that your session has timed out when you try to comment.

I am SO fucking jealous, btw. I might have to purchase a new computer to soothe my wounded ego.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:24 am

I am SO fucking jealous, btw. I might have to purchase a new computer to soothe my wounded ego.

This computer is three years old mate – I'm not exactly bragging about the size of my pentium.

edit: ffs, my parents have a better computer than this and I'm allegedly a professional

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 2:32 am

Wow, that's sad, dood.

Of course, I'm running some Windoze PoS that still finds ways to freeze and hang every hour on the hour, but who's complaining?

Break down and get yourself a better computer, so you can ship that ancient wreck to me. I'll give it a loving home.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

THAT is why it is so, re, slo, silly? My session expired? It's fookin http, we're not sharing a key, what in the hell is a commenting session?

Guppy February 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I suspect it's just a generic error thrown by the system; after all, Ye Olde F5 Key makes the error go away.

My guess is that it's the displayed comments that are stale, and it's done to minimize the likelihood of responding to an already-deleted comment.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 12:08 am

The thing is that f5 in your browser just resends the last http get. if you took >5 minutes to type the snark, you could lose the entire message, browser be determinant.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

It's not a 500. I can debug this however. Just not right now, while filled with alcohol and rage. It's enough to drive one to drink.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:34 am

It appears to have driven you there already, dear. Let's hope you don't have to drive anywhere for the nonce.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Nah. Driving cars takes too much attention. Prefer the iPad on the bus.

FlownOver February 24, 2012 at 8:47 am

Mine doesn't give me a time out warning or notice. Occasionally, with no evident correlation with anything, I just find I have no comment window and have to log in. This, incidentally, requires me to enter username and password in order to get a "LOGIN FAILED" message, but that message includes a link to a page with a WordPress option that lets me re-type the unsername and password. This takes me to a page from which I can get back to the Wonket front page, where I can select the post in question and THEN get to a comment box.

All this, just so I can ask "Do you know who ELSE…" four or five times a day.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

That's how it works for me (also FF/OS-X). But instead of logging back in, you can just click on your user name, then return to the comment section and pick up where you left off. Makes no sense, if you think about it … so I don't.

WiscDad February 24, 2012 at 10:14 am

Only happened to me once…not a big deal since I'm usually on with my work laptop while connected to the proxy server which contains a dynamic blacklist and is locked down to every site that appears as a blog. I feel fortunate.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

There are a lot of goddamned problems with Intensedebate that the proprietors won't look into, and which I would pay you to fix. Seriously.

GuanoFaucet February 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Queer the turtle! Yay!

Fukui-sanYesOta February 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Good on ya, Maryland.

Somewhere Rick Santorum has looked up from a laptop showing "Hot Twinks And Sugar Daddies" and said "wut?" as his daughter cries in a corner.

I'm sure we'll hear from Pope Rick in due course.

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 12:18 am

There's a picture.

mayor_quimby February 24, 2012 at 4:12 am

And he says, ' did you hear a Sploosh sound, sweetie?'

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm

"Sploosh" only reminds me of Pam from "Archer". I was catching up on old episodes the other day and she was getting worked up about Burt Reynolds and said "You could drown a toddler in my panties right now." I LOLed and pledged that I won't let so many episodes stack up in the DVR from now on.

Mahousu February 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Santorum's house in Leesburg is not far from the Maryland border. Soon the tide of gayness will be creeping into his town, surging down his street, lapping at his very doorstep, inching inexorably upward, aching to envelop him and his family in its warm, sticky embrace. Resist as they will, before too long, they will yield, and then – the experimentation will begin.

gullywompr February 23, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Thankfully, he no longer lives here (moved to nearby Great Falls). Although, on a windless day, you can still tell that he once did.

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I'd think you'd be able to tell on a particularly windy day. I tell you, I've smelled an abandoned cow pasture on both a wet day, and a windy, dry day when all of the shit is whipped up and spread over town.

e_z February 24, 2012 at 4:57 am

He had to leave Leesburg when they put in that Pedestrian Mall, too damn gay.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

I think that's the plot for "Paranormal Activity 4".

randoracer February 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Mahousu, that fancy writin' of yours has me all turgid!

Lucidamente1 February 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

What would Spiro Agnew say?

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Where's the nearest glory hole?

Guppy February 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm

"Nolo contendere."

imissopus February 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

"Hurry! This coffin only has a little bit of air left!"

gullywompr February 24, 2012 at 12:33 am

"Pusillanimous pussyfooters", of course.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

The Pope says pussyfooting is fine, so long as you "finish at the rim," as it were.

BarackMyWorld February 24, 2012 at 2:02 am

"Not guilty, your honor."

HogeyeGrex February 24, 2012 at 2:33 am

"NNNNNNGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!!"

paris biltong February 24, 2012 at 4:30 am

Spiro? He liked it the Greek way.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

"Nattering knob-gobblers of legalization!!"

Nostrildamus February 24, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"Dig me up! For the love of God, dig me up!!!"

Local_Mojo February 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"Maryland is For Lovers"

"Virginia is For Bullies"

Interesting niche tourism marketing.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:15 am

I just Tweeted that, LocalMojo, and attributed it to you. Because I think it is just so totally fucking brilliant, and stuff.

barto February 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I'd just like to extend my thanks to Mr. Cheney with a hearty "Fuck you, Mr. Cheney!"

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Blessed Mother* is definitely crying over this one.

* This term is a legacy of my Catholic childhood–my mom had a habit of describing almost any music that moved her as "sounding like a lost soul crying out for God" and the like. When she found out I'd left the Church, her exact words were "It would be better if you had died–at least then I'd know you were in Heaven." We sort of reconciled before she died, some 23 years ago…after many years of her being convinced that she'd failed as a parent, because she'd allowed me to go to college where I was tempted away from the Faith.

One more reason to detest religion–it adds poison like that to families.

yyyaz February 23, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Ramen.

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:35 pm

"It would be better if you had died–at least then I'd know you were in Heaven."

Could she have stabbed you any more deeply? Wow.

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 12:24 am

It's difficult for me to understand that kind of thinking, because I didn't grow up with it, and no one in my family is religious. When you don't believe, and you never believed, it's really hard to see how anyone can believe. Lake of fire? Really?

But good on you for moving towards what you understood to be right, and withstanding that blow from your mother.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:20 am

(Hugs the Dok) Well, that's utterly horrible.

Kurt Vonnegut was right. Biological ties (or adoptions, for that matter) do not a family make. You have to find your own karass.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

And not another Granfalloon.

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:47 am

I need to go hug my mother. When she figured out that I'd stopped going to Mass, she went to talk to the priest at her parish and they decided that God doesn't actually count the number of times you pass through the door and if I'm a good person that's what's important. Should light a candle for that priest, too. He's passed on now.

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 9:31 am

He sounds like the super cool Jesuit who handled mass at the Presbyterian college I attended. If there were more priests like your mom's and the one at my college, the Catholic church might actually start getting a better reputation.

Best thing about my old priest: Super Bowl Sunday half-time mass. Because it was a Presbyterian school, we had to share the church. Mass was Sunday night for us. On Super Bowl Sunday, mass started about 10 minutes after the first half ended, went through the bare minimum necessary to make it count for the week and let us loose in time for second half. Such a great guy. I'm no longer at all religious, but I still think about that guy a lot. He encouraged questions (good Jesuit that he was), tolerance and kindness. Pity the religion has to generally stand for the exact opposite, especially where women and gays are concerned.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

Ah, but don't you see the problem there? Clearly, these kinder and gentler approaches are nothing but loose doctrine, a feel-good approach that will ultimately get away from the One True Masochism Church.

Then again, according to the Fundies, all Catholics are damned anyway, what with the idolatry and belief in the sacraments, so…

What was it my sociology prof said? There are few things as firmly "ex-" as an ex-Catholic.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Your mother sounds like a fine, fine person, who clearly loves YOU more than imaginary-friends-in-the-sky. You know how lucky you are. Give her extra hugs for me.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

Your mother was Nucky Thompson's Mistress on "Boardwalk Empire?" You don't look that old!

Designer_Rants February 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm

picturing an Iraqi toddler with her limbs blown off.

Freedom ain't free! It costs baby limbs and poor people's kids.

Catabite February 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Maryland doesn't have a big Santorum problem because most of us here use pre-sex enemas. Nothing kills the mood like a big, nasty gush of Santorum.

Guppy February 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I expect the local Knights of Columbus to ritually disembowel themselves any moment now.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 3:06 am

Good; those assholes never let me swim in their pool.

chascates February 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I'll wait to hear what John Waters says on this.

And I'm sure Cheney's daughter appreciates whatever he did for this cause but he still has the blood of hundreds of thousands on his hands.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:17 am

Millions. The 2006 Lancet/Johns Hopkins study indicated over 600,000 had already lost their lives due solely to the war, and a further ~3 million were refugees, internal and external. Since then, many more have died. Add in the 4,000+ US military who lost their lives, the deaths in Pakistan, Afghanistan, and wherever else that foul vulture left his droppings, and it's easily over a million.

Redhead February 24, 2012 at 8:03 am

I can't decide if it makes it better or worse that he did this largely for and because of his gay daughter. On the one hand – good on him for not disowning her, like a lot of his lot would have done, but actually supporting her. On the other – yeah, sure looks like he did this entirely for selfish reasons and not because of any sense of right or equality or common decency.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Just to help you readjust your feelings for that prick to the white-hot pitch of hate that he deserves: When his lesbian daughter had her Babby, the asshole announced it by sending out a picture of himself and his wife holding the spawn. They did not even permit the Evilesbian mother in the picture. Way to support your lezzie daughter, asshole! Still makes me furious, sorry 'bout that.

HempDogbane February 23, 2012 at 11:09 pm

A thankful Satan will gay-marry Cheney now, in Maryland !

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:07 am

ZOMG! We'll all be shot out of his arse in giant hellish farts, for celebration.

orygoon February 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm

MERRYLAND

BerkeleyBear February 23, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Good for Maryland. But the link to Virginia is just infuriating – so because the state wouldn't discriminate in adoption, they went ahead and made it okay for religious agencies who take state funding to do so. This is what infuriates me about these "religious conscience" clauses – they are only necessary because the agency is choosing to take taxpayer money. Don't take the money, you sanctimonious pricks, and you can be as hateful as you want! Gah!!!

Mondo_Cane February 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

Cheney is not much different than a significant portion of the Republic base who are unencumbered by conscience and motivated by money – pay the US Taliban lip service, garner their votes, take their money –

this year the inmates are running the asylum –

OzoneTom February 23, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I tried to put my quarter in there, but it kept being ejected in a font of frothy spume.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I've always been in love with you, KBJ, even though you don't always acknowledge commenters' tips. But you have totally entered into my heart with that image of Santorum as a coin-operated rectal-slot-wearing squawking toy clown. That is right up there with "amoral jewelry-debt piglet," my dear.

KBoydJohnson February 24, 2012 at 12:01 am

AND I HOPE IT HAUNTS YOUR DREAMS. xoxo.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:06 am

She kissed me! She kissed me in my dirty dog dreams!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 12:42 am

You are blessed indeed, FROTHY-sama.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:54 am

Arigato gozaimasu, Fukui-san. I feel blessed, if raffish.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Also for that *wonderful* comment about zombie virus Dick "DICK" Cheney and his lezbo daughter with the out-of-wedlock SATAN'S BASTARD BAYBEEEE!!

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Maryland, eh? Isn't that that place outside of DC? I know, I know: Balitmore libel!

Apparently, Maryland is for lovers, and Virginia is for haters and probing and macaca and the neo-confederacy.

gullywompr February 24, 2012 at 12:16 am

Best pit beef on a roll unywheres, hon.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:53 am

Excuse me, but that would be Balmer, Murlan libel!

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 3:23 am

As part of our senior trip in high school we got to spend the afternoon in the Inner Harbor on the way to New York, and the accent (even among the Blahs) was so strong, I had to ask a few times for people to repeat what they said. lol I didn't expect it to be so strong.

mayor_quimby February 24, 2012 at 4:58 am

How you wan curryit, shawty?

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:49 am

"Apparently, Maryland is for lovers, and Virginia is for haters and probing and macaca and the neo-confederacy."

We've been telling all the rest of you this since colonial times.

savethispatient February 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

OT: Bill Maher just donated $1 million to the Obama supporting SuperPAC, which probably means a lot fewer Republicans on Realtime for the next year…

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

I'm … crushed.

Well, not really. YAY!

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

Oh they'll still show up. Just like the idiots who think they're going to best Jon Stewart when they agree to be torn to ribbons by Daily Show reporters, they'll continue to show up, presuming it's their personal job to change our sad, liberal minds.

DemmeFatale February 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

I love it when some fundy asshole thinks they can best Jon Stewart or out-funny Stephen Colbert!
What color is the sky in their world?

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Santorum.

HAHAHA — sorry. I'll try to behave.

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 11:39 pm

So, they are changing the name of the state from merry-land to gay-land?

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 12:27 am

Fairyland?

(Said out of love.)

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Marryland, obvs.

fuflans February 23, 2012 at 11:41 pm

maybe maryland is named for the other mary.

Sharkey February 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

The one with the little lamb?

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Fine, but why would any couple, gay or straight want to live in fucking Maryland? Jeesh!

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

This state has a very high acceptance of people who walk their own path as a general rule.

John Waters once said that people in the northern states drove out their eccentrics and they headed south. People in the south drove out their eccentrics and they headed north. Everyone's U-Hauls broke down around mid-point and that's how Baltimore was formed.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Don't forget the islands of intellect around Bethesda.

ttommyunger February 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Trust me, as a life-long southerner I can testify that rather than drive out our eccentrics, rather, we elect them to high public office and lionize them.

AddHomonym February 23, 2012 at 11:49 pm

How dare you mention Dick Cheney's gay daughter you bigot!

Troubledog February 23, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I, for one, welcome our new gay-married overlords. I'd get gay-married in a minute if I was gay. If I loved the cock, for example, I'd go gay in a heartbeat. Because it's a great time to be gay.

johnnyzhivago February 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

You can probably sign up for gay lessons at the YMCA or possibly your local Wegmans.

TheMightyHaltor February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

Or possibly the Girl Scouts. They'll even throw in abortion lessons.

gullywompr February 24, 2012 at 12:50 am

Or just attend any public school, they're all promoting the gay agenda, I hear. Except in Tennessee, that is.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:56 am

Oh crap, and I just bought some Somoas from the Girl Scouts this weekend. I didn't even think to ask for the abortion lessons!

DemmeFatale February 24, 2012 at 1:14 am

Wait!
The cookies are out?
I need me some frozen Thin Mints, and I need 'em now!

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

Samoas are one of Nature's perfect foods.

finallyhappy February 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Around here, no gay guys would go to the YMCA.

gullywompr February 24, 2012 at 12:45 am

It's the new black.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:56 am

No, wait, I thought *black* was the new *gay.*

I R Confoozled.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:32 am

Mormon is the new gay.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 2:55 am

Or maybe black is the new Mormon.

Which would be, you know. Completely awe-inducing for coolth.

SayItWithWookies February 23, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Yeah way to go Dick Cheney you motherfucker. You get no credit for endorsing or lobbying for gay marriage — one, it was after it could do you any political harm; and two, you only even thought about it because it was expedient to a family member of yours. I anxiously anticipate your daughter Lynn's condemnation.

DemmeFatale February 24, 2012 at 1:26 am

Assholes!!
I don't have to have a gay daughter to understand…or need stem cells, etc.
How do these people sleep at night?

Sparky McGruff February 24, 2012 at 7:48 am

How do they sleep? On piles of cash stolen from little old ladies pension funds, with a blanket of statements from their Cayman Island bank accounts filled with the profits from selling faulty parts to the military. And they dream of soliders electrocuted in the shower by Halliburton's faulty wiring.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Halliburton was feeding our troops water contaminated with the remains of dead people, in Iraq, may they rot in hell forever.

johnnyzhivago February 23, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Santorum is having trouble finding the Twitter on his Google. He might have too many windows open or more likely, Conservapedia is hung again.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hung like a baby corn, I heard.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

ZZZZT!

Take *that,* Richard John.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

Hanged, more likely.

imissopus February 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Don't get cocky, Cheney. Satan still has a special wing set aside to house all of your eternal torments.

gullywompr February 24, 2012 at 12:11 am

Gaymarryland?

NYNYNYjr February 24, 2012 at 1:34 am

Gaymaryland got gerrymandered man.

Blueb4sunrise February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

Cool.
Any sheriff job openings in Maryland?

Oooo, I see a TV series…..Western Sheriff goes East ……

dogscantlookup February 24, 2012 at 12:20 am

hey, torquemada(Santorum). whaddaya say? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ffoOZLqNmk
So, c'mon you Moslems and you Jews
We got big news for all of yous
You better change your point of views today
'Cause the Inquistion's here and it's here to stay

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:07 am

I love Mel Brooks! Helluva hoofer he was too, huh?

Thanks, dogs! That was fun.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:28 am

As a former resident of Murland (take note, ttommy), I can only hope and pray that passage of this legislation will finally allow the state to force Marvin Mandel to gay marry zombie Spiro Agnew.

DerrickWildcat February 24, 2012 at 12:37 am

Baltimore is a city in Maryland. It is awesome and horrible at the same time.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

You've got to keep the Devil Down In the Hole

"You know what the trouble is, Brucey? We used to make shit in this country, build shit. Now we just put our hand in the next guy's pocket." –Frank Sobotka

EDIT: Also, thank god for people with editing software and too much time on their hands.

paris biltong February 24, 2012 at 4:38 am

"This video contains content from WMG and EMI, one or more of whom have blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.
Sorry about that."
Fucking censors.

Mojopo February 24, 2012 at 12:57 am

Everything a John Waters movie ought to be.

SayItWithWookies February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am

Cue theme music.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:12 am

I just did. The Chalk Pie version.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:12 am

True.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 1:07 am

OT, but I'm wondering if the Hopey campaign is worrying a little bit more about contributions than they let on? I've been getting mailings from "Michelle Obama" for at least six months now, on a regular basis, many of which I have returned with no Ameros enclosed and a nice note saying I'll vote for her husband but I'm not giving him any money until the Wall Street thugs, including Timmeh, are doing the perp walk. But earlier this week, for the first time I got a letter from "Michelle" addressed to my mother! Now not only was my mother a life-long Republican, but she's been dead for six and a half years!

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 3:25 am

Have you seen Barry's fundraising versus Mitt Romney's? I know SuperPACs are believed to narrow the money race, but Obama is outraising Romney by a ridiculous amount, and most of the contributions coming from small donors…like in 2008. I'm feeling good.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 1:31 am

For the two peoplez still hanging around teh Wonkette, the Princess had a real sendup on Frothy last night.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Damn, I passed out before I could sear "Santorum jello" into my eyeballs forevah, pdog. I'm sure you're crushed. BRB. I have to go kill myself now.

RadioSBJ February 24, 2012 at 1:51 am

Wolf Blitzer just blogged:
The State of Maryland has just allowed that two people of the same sex can be legally married (the so-called same sex marriage act). I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: this is a contentious issue and some people might be a little upset. The war of words between homosexuals and their supporters versus the people who disagree with this law will be fierce.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:35 am

Matched only by Erin Burnett's tweet: "Seriously, homosexuals? How many states are enough?"

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

Nice!

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 3:20 am

Why, the crabs, of course. All of them, Katie.

Plus, Baltimore has more character in its harbor than Phoenix does in its entire metropolitan area. Also. Too.

ttommyunger February 24, 2012 at 7:30 am

Never caught the crabs in Maryland, although during my tours at Belvoir (60's) and Quantico (70's) I certainly tried my best. Baltimore has its charms, especially the Block. Phoenix? Well, that's in Arizona: Where the Fuckwad Politician is a protected species.

valthemus February 24, 2012 at 3:22 am

The inevitable referendum effort will be fun! Creepy, backwoods rednecks (with confederate flags on their trucks) from the Maryland pan handle and Eastern Shore joining hands with African American fire-n-brimstone Jesus junkies to try and stop "the homosexual menace" from getting registered at Macy's. Yeah, that'll work out well.

UW8316154 February 24, 2012 at 10:29 am

The referendum effort is already gearing up here in Washington. Christian Taliban appealing to people's basest prejudices and fear. It's nasty and ugly, no fun at all.

mayor_quimby February 24, 2012 at 4:54 am

I went to college in DC, and it took me a while to figure why the DuPont Circle CVS had a huge stash of enemas at the Rx counter. I was looking for condoms and had to walk past 10 feet of Fleet goodies. Makes perfect sense now.

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 7:42 am

Suck it, Chris Christie. You know you want to.

chicken_thief February 24, 2012 at 10:30 am

Chris will go for anything that has a little powdered sugar on it.

SolitaireRose February 24, 2012 at 7:54 am

People, people… Mr. Santorum has moved on from hating the gays and is now hating EVERYONE who has evil, evil sex and isn't making The Babies. Please adjust your expectations accordingly.

Barrelhse February 24, 2012 at 8:01 am
Oblios_Cap February 24, 2012 at 8:13 am

common sense spreading any further south of the Mason-Dixon line.

I don't think that there's any danger of that happening anytime soon.

C_R_Eature February 24, 2012 at 8:28 am

Go Maryland! Drive Gently, everyone!

RE: Cheney.
Dick has a luxury waterfront property in St. Michael's (just down the road from Don Rumsfeld's vacation home, the aptly-named Mt. Misery). Just a short (thundering, house-shaking) Marine 2 helo ride from the VP Den of Evil residence. No doubt why he was leaning on the R State legislators in Maryland; he's got double the skin in the game. He's probably given up on VA for the time being, as it looks like his party's doing their best to make Gay folks illegal, along with a whole lot of other stuff that makes them uncomfortable.
It makes a difference when they're family doesn't it Richard?

When Dick was VP, the FAA designated a 1 NM No-Fly Zone around the VP's vacation home. The locals that loved him (lots) said they appreciated not having light aircraft flying over all the time and locals that did not (a surprising number) said the exclusion zone was for the protection of the aircraft, not the VP. Especially during hunting season.

Byee for now!

Terry February 24, 2012 at 8:37 am

"which immediately forced Virginia to also advance an anti-gay adoption bill today as a bulwark against common sense spreading any further south of the Mason-Dixon line."

This is why we need check stations and barbed wire on the bridges across the Potomac River. Give the folks in Old Town Alexandria, Arlington, and a few of the close in areas unlimited passes, but the rest need some scrutiny or they can just stay home.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 8:50 am

Maryland has a hot, respectful, guitar playing governor who did not veto the gay marriage bill.
New Jersey has a fat, arrogant, skin flute playing governor who did.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

And, Virginia has a diminutive, media-whoring, mean-spirited governor with a Justin Bieber haircut.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

Just Imbibe? Why thank you, I believe I will.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm

There is a clip with McDonald and O’Malley running on the Politico You Tube page (I think). O’Malley eats his lunch, gives him a wedgie and takes his mother to the prom. Rachael Maddow ran it last night.

Terry February 24, 2012 at 4:29 pm

There's a photo of O'Malley and Anthony Brown (Lt Gov) in the banner of their emails that gives me the vapors, I swear. Both of them are FINE looking men and in that photo they're all happy and hopeful. The photographer earned his or her pay for sure. I open those emails, swoon, and think I should donate to their campaign.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Then you had better get out the smelling salts before you click on this link OhMyO’Malley

KeepFnThatChicken February 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

All he has to do to win this argument, is produce this "Satan". Once. Just once.

elburritodeluxe February 24, 2012 at 9:32 am

If Cheney had a Muslim daughter we could have avoided a lot of bloodshed.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I can't believe I missed this. Yes, a win-and-a-half.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

It's the Virgin Mary, not the Virgin Marty!! Or whatever, you know what I mean!!

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

Alright, which of you fuckers are Troy Zuccaro, Jack Michael Angwin, Tyler Burgess, capitolization and Joe Barbicas?!

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

If my Twitter tag was "capitolization," I certainly wouldn't admit it in public but bear it only as my private shame.

smitallica February 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

So, does this mean Cheney is good for supporting gay marriage because he has a gay daughter? Or does this make him even more evil, for spending eight years as the de facto leader of a party that openly discriminated against his daughter? I'm so confused.

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

I remember at the Republican National Convention when Mary Cheney and her partner weren't allowed anywhere near the stage at the end – probably because he was so bursting with pride for her. Of course, Liz was there.

widestanceromance February 24, 2012 at 10:15 am

As a Marylander, I spent last night in a state of agitation, because while, yes, I am very pleased with the passage, I know the referendum will happen and I am not as confident as I'd like to be that marriage equality will survive it.

I little oversharing perhaps on my part, is that I was hopeful enough that it might pass last year, and had an elaborate birthday proposal ready for my partner (his birthday falls in early March):

I woke him like every man likes to be awakened–no need to give details on that. I made him a superb breakfast, and then walked him to a part of our garden where I had, the previous fall, secretly planted white hyacinths which were then in full bloom, spelling out the acronym 'ILY'. "SURPRISE, honey!" I essentially grew him a birthday card, and made my proposal, even as equality had failed in 2011. A TBD proposal, if you will. Obvs. he accepted.

So, here we are the following year, and the matter is still not really settled. It is very frustrating that even as I sang him another proposal last night, when and whether this will all happen is quite up in the air.

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

Do you give romance lessons? That's a great story.

That someone this creative could be denied bridal registry is unconscionable!

widestanceromance February 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Should I ever decide to give lessons, I guess my screen name will work well enough as the business name, eh? Thanks for the reply, and all fingers crossed.

neiltheblaze February 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

When the wedding day finally comes – not "if" – I think I speak for many in the Wonkeratti Community when I say, "We want PICTURES!!"

widestanceromance February 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Even with black tape over our eyes for anonymity? ;)

In the meantime, I'll try to find the photos of those white hyacinths, which need no black eye tape!

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

There are so many issues at work at this moment which need to be clarified that one should not be despondent.

A referendum would be a 'repeal' vote to overturn the legislation passed by the Assy., Sen. and signed by the Gov.
Can a 'repeal' referendum appear on the ballot automatically?
If not, would such a referendum require a vote by the Assy., Sen. and signed by the Gov.?
Then, if it ends up on the ballot, are referenda in Maryland binding?
If they are not binding does the Assy. Sen.and Gov. have the courage of their convictions to ignore it?

Contrast that with NJ. After failing by a few votes two years ago, the Assy. and Sen. passed the Equality of Marriage Act. Chris Chrisco vetoed it?
Even though it passed in the Sen., can the Democrats in the senate find three more votes to over ride the veto? They need 12 votes in the Assy. to over ride it.
If not, do they comply with Chrisco and pass a resolution to put a referendum on the ballot?

widestanceromance February 24, 2012 at 1:06 pm

More questions than answers, to be sure. I'm trying to be optimistic, but I alternate between weepy/happy and gimme-a-wall-to-punch-my-fist-through today.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Two dem Senators s and one repub switched their intentions in NJ and the NJ Senate now has enough votes to override Christie’s veto. The dems in the assembly need to find 12 votes where the margin was much narrower to begin with. We’ll see. I got some commitments that an effort will be made.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Worst Santorum reference ever!

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Yes, yes, Twitter awaits Santorum. It's 10:30 friggin am on a new day. I'm awaiting new Wonkette posts. Get out of bed, people.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

Never gonna win the morning starting this late, Newell.

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

You'd think that Wonkette "My Name Is Legion" Jr. would take the opportunity to have the run of the place.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

I remember when Thursday nights were the big party night, when I was an undergrad. Good times, just don't take any classes before noon on Friday, or at all on Friday, if possible.

Doktor Zoom February 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

More Santorum News: Mr. Frothy is claiming that Obama's goal of increasing access to college is simply a devious plot to indoctrinate young people and make them stop believing in God.

As we are known to say around here from time to time, "Oh, for fuck's sake…"

chascates February 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

As well as making young people believe in science, history, etc.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

Indoctrinate them, yes, absolutely, we do want to indoctrinate them, and I for one am constantly conspiring to bring about this indoctrination with the values of science, reason, knowledge, and logic.

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

I'm adding "secular indoctrinator" to my C.V.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

And he's pulling the 62% number out of his ass; I wish that many college graduates became atheist / agnostics. Although in the case of hateful fundamentalist nutjobs like Rick, he probably considers anyone who ends up as a Christian of the non-bigoted, non-Biblical-literalist variety who accepts that the Earth is 4.5 billion years old, and that non-Christians are human beings with valid rights and opinions, along with women and gay people, aren't "real Christians" at all and might as well be us godless atheists.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 24, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Pree-cisely. See also PZ Myers' take on the story, which I shoulda linked to since that's where I saw it first anyway…

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Can you call a reverse brainwash/detox indoctrination? lol

Yeah, facts tend to have a liberal bias, Santorum.

chascates February 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Well, the Farmily Research Council isn't pleased and realizes what's ahead:
Why is it ending [marriage], and not just expanding marriage rights to confer the legal status of marriage on same-sex couples? Consider constitutional expert, GWU law professor Jonathan Turley. He spoke to an overflow crowd at the Newseum in 2008.
He said: “Opponents say that this will lead to polygamy. I’m for that.” Turley was wildly applauded by the audience, which included law students, congressional staffers, and, of course, enthusiastic journalists.
Turley is surely right. Recognizing same-sex couples as married will lead to polygamy and the end of marriage as a civil institution in America. That’s because when everyone can marry, there is no marriage left. That’s doubtless why Turley today is working to legalize polygamy.
Consider this thought experiment. Twin brothers announced on a TV talk show that they were gay. Under the laws proposed, can they marry? If not, why not? They’ve certainly had a “committed relationship” since before they were born. What constitutional principle could you invoke to say these twins cannot marry each other? And if these twin brothers may marry, why not a twin brother and sister?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

Man on dog will surely be next. And then Dog on Roof

Guppy February 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

Apparently it gets a lot more play in the town it was written in, N'awlins, as a jazz standard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qoE6Ag-MlY

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

All I can say is, no fucking Germans ever played Tannenbaum THAT good.

prommie February 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

What I want to know is why teh gheys want to sentence themselves to a lifetime of marital sex, anyway? Do you truly understand what you're getting into, here?

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, just because straight marrieds suffer Bed Death doesn't mean we don't, we just have creative ways of dealing with it.

Besides, we want all that GOOD stuff y'all get for free when you get married. Like having the hospital let you in when your partner's dying, you know, like that Lisa Pond woman. Or not forcing us to go through probate when our partner dies. Or that "undivided interest" in any mutually-owned real estate that spouses are afforded in community property states. Or the right to custody or visitation where children are concerned. Or the right to have our partners recognized as co-parents. Or … but why go on, I'm sure you know quite well the million-and-one advantages of marital bliss — other than not getting any on weekends.

WeHaveIssues February 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

It is hard to believe Virginia is only an I-95 ride away from Maryland with DC serving as a DMZ between the two.

Screw just "build that wall" in Arizona to keep out the Mexicans, we need to just "build that wall" along the Virginia border to keep the rednecks and their mental midgets mindset in their own country.

Nostrildamus February 24, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Any word on whether the haters will hold up enactment with an initiative (as in WA)?

Hera Sent Me February 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Just to be pedantic, I'll point out that Maryland is named for Queen Henrietta Maria, Protestant wife of Protestant British king Charles I.

I'll now return you to our regularly schedule sarcasm.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

The Matrix seems to have Jesuit parallels. Take the red pill, ask questions, and wear all black clothing.

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Yeah, cuz no one "fears" that stupid thing.

flamingpdog February 24, 2012 at 12:34 am

I think one of our Teatard-beloved Founding Fathers put it best:

"It is between fifty and sixty years since I read it [the Apocalypse], and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy nor capable of explanation than the incoherences of our own nightly dreams."
-Thomas Jefferson, letter to General Alexander Smyth, Jan. 17, 1825

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:38 am

I like your idea better, cuz atoms. I explained atoms and nuclear fusion to my 4yr old daughter recently when we watched a documentary, and now she explains everything to us in terms of atoms, how the atoms in her feet were affected when she jumped off her bed, how atoms fly out of her toenails, but if she paints her toenails, then it's like closing the door, and they don't like that…. So I'm very open to atom-based explanations right now.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 12:46 am

Goddamn. How cute is your daughter? You lucky man or woman.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:49 am

Wow, I clicked that link and my machine went crazy with beeps and virus warnings, dood.

mayor_quimby February 24, 2012 at 4:07 am

That is an awesome child atom theory. My 3.5 yr old godson explained to me that water guns are like hoses, so you can wash your car with them, but dvd's are circles, but not balls that you can play with
Makes sense to me, does it. To you?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:47 am

I love that. But still, we should prolly change history textbooks to erase slave ownership, cuz Founding Fathers!

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

HAHAHA, oh god they're going to leap off the nearest cliff en masse when they read that.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:54 am

Sorry, I need to figure it out. It's my blog, and about 2 wks ago on Chrome browser it gave me that warning. I don't know WTF it is, but I think it's some spam commenter who left a link that got indexed by Google. Ugh. I can't have anything nice.

Edit: Anyone else with a wordpress domain blog who knows about a virus scan plugin? Also, I installed "Intense Debate" and about a week later this virus thing happened… did that knock sumthin' loose?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 12:55 am

Thanks! she's amazing, and: man.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:23 am

I think it's just because FUKUI-SAN'S BRAND-NEW BIGGER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE'S AND BETTER computer is brand-new and bigger and better than mine, dood.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:12 am

Most likely the chrome phishing filter. Turn it off and see what happens.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:17 am

The entire point of a virus is to operate in an unexpected manner. Discovery of unexpected behavior is in fact the animus to explore/exploit that fact of the execution engine.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

From a battle I had early in last fall's election cycle with candidate websites, first using wordpress.org to create a blog and then scrapping that to go back to Mickysoft and installing "Intense Debate" resulted in some of the jumpy, poor display problems people complain about here. I had my host move the VisualStudio version to another server and everything cleared up. Also, there was talk about a wordpress blog virus a few months ago, check out your favorite virus scan data base.

Toomush_Infer February 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Yeah, it's the Intense Debate virus, known informally as…fuck…again?…

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:23 am

I just installed Skynet. Good things are sure to happen now.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 2:27 am

Oh, NOES! And it's been SO NICE knowing you, too!

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:39 am

You are now first in line.

With porn or without?

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 2:44 am

The last thing I want is for you thinking I'm some kind of boastful cunt. It wasn't meant that way.

Meh, too serious for our wonkete. Get well soon, frothy-san.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 2:52 am

Oh, geez, like I would. Man, I thought we were friends and stuff.

Wakarimasu!

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 2:53 am

Dood, what kind of Wonketteer would I be if I said "without"?

I mean, unless you're into, I dunno, three-ways with sheep, or sumpn.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:59 am

"I believe that wearing white boots on my ears will cause women everywhere to fall in love with me."

We're all in love with you already.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:22 am

"White boots on my ears" is totally a 1960's porno. Or it needs to be.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 24, 2012 at 3:03 am

We are indeed, I think! Cheers

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 3:30 am

Let me see if I remember…

Gay is the new black, Muslims are the new Mexicans, Mexicans are the new gays, and blacks are the same ole blahs.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Blacks don't need to be Mormons so long as we have Rastafarianism, the Nation Of Islam, African Hebrew Israelites, Jehovah's Witnesses and Five Percenters. Plenty of niche crazy to go around! (I have never seen a white J-Witness, what is that about?)

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 3:32 am

Meh. We corrupt all kinds of sayings and foreign words. You'd have fainted if you lived in Des Plaines, Illinois and heard how they say the name.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:25 am

Does it involve a boss?

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

"Day Plan"?! People stopped using those when they launched the Palm Pilot!

BerkeleyBear February 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

And they don't even want to know about Brazil or Peru, Indiana. I swear I lived in the state for years hearing the names of those towns on local news and I never would have guessed they were spelled like their South American counterparts.

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 8:34 am

Nice.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

Yes, and only the Little People of Illinois are allowed to say it's name.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

I don't think Jane Fonda developed that much flexibility until the '80s.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

OK. I'll tell you where the videotapes are if you promise not to tell.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 10:07 am

In the past I would sign up for emails from many political campaigns and his was one of the few which continued to send them after the election. Thus I received an email about O’Malley’s March appearing at an Asbury Park venue around St. Patrick’s Day 2010. I thought about going but found I had a conflict. Now I get an email from the band’s website about every three months.

UW8316154 February 24, 2012 at 10:22 am

Four hours for a dick joke?

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

We're just people who can be wrong, like everyone else.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

The guy who drives his big SUV around my area and drops off the elderly black ladies is white. Since he was dozing in front of my driveway one day I had to get out of my car to ask him to move so I could pull in.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Damn, I never have either. And we have tons of more splinters than that over here in the People'sRepublicofWhatEVAH, so why not the JWs, yaknow? Weird.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Weird. The only JWs I've ever met were white, though, I did know that a lot are black. Knowing that the Jackson family was raised in the faith always scared me extra about it.

BerkeleyBear February 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

Yeah, but I think the things that gets people confused is hearing the exact same ignorant arguments that supported anti-miscegenation laws used by African American ministers against gay marriage (social experiment, against the word of God, destructive of families, etc.) Sort of like how it jars me to hear Israeli leaders echoing the Nazis when they talk about Arabs and their rights as the "chosen people."

I know unwitting hypocrisy and self-centeredness are core human attributes, but I also can understand the disappointment.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

You have to construct your dick jokes carefully for this audience.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Awww! C'mere, you! (noogs tessiee; offers head to be nooged) My turn!

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

Chet, you bad boy. And you would know this HOW?

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

(Hugs Fukui-sanYesOta) I should *think* so, young man.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

(Leans in close to whisper into that shell-like little ear) You KNOW it, baby.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I wonder if he's their Token White Man.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:31 pm

In the worst way.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Black folks just never get a break in these games of Musical Chairs, do they?

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm
FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm

She really is her father's daughter, isn't she? I hadn't realized it before but around the eyes, she looks just like him.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:31 pm

You had me at Billy Ocean. I've been listening to much "Carribean Queen" lately, plus various dance remixes of.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 6:21 pm

She could pop the lid off a jar of gherkins with those thighs, also.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I shoulda known you'd be looking at her thighs, not her eyes. She's always had a fabulous body, but it doesn't do it for me. I like the Sophia Loren types more. Little more flesh and curve.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Just don't pop the gherkin.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I like 'em curvy too. Speaking of Sophia Loren types, this TV spot has me hittin' the DVR back button a lot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siWVgAzhFC8

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 7:25 pm

BBL, dood.

Do they track how often you watch something? YouTube, I mean? You know, just askin.

Chet Kincaid February 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Yes. If Sergey Brin sends you an email saying, "You broke it!!!", you're in trouble!

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Yes. The ad engine knows exactly how many times your ip and/or your login views it.

That's money.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

It works on so many levels.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Spies? Of that I'm sure. Evil? I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. For now…

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Unfortunately, I'm always just stupid enough to think I can fix computer/internet problems myself (not proven out by history). So I tried 2 different scanners last night, but they wanted me to pay for services after they found "activity". Something about an iframe. I switched back to Disqus for now. I'm just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, if that's not obvious.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I got that "red screen of death" from Chrome a couple wks ago, and it referred vaguely to an ip address. I looked at various recent comments and didn't see it. Then I ignored/proceeded and haven't got the warning since. I'm going to dig in deeper tomorrow and start looking up any warnings (also got one about some javascript from one of my "WordPress approved" plugins…) and Google them to find out my next move.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm

It stopped on its own accord for me, but it sure is freaking other people out.

bagofmice February 24, 2012 at 8:36 pm

That's known as a kernel panic. The responsible modules and offsets should be listed, and holy hell, how old is your OS?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I couldn't have said it better. BUT, I still really like ID for this particular site. Disqus wouldn't be half as fun as pee points.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I've got Win7x64, and Chrome is up to date. Did I write something that sounds like I'm typing this on an Apple IIe?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

You haven't heard anything until you've heard Saline (Suh-leen), Caro (Kay-roh), Bois Blanc (Bob-low), Delhi (Dehl-high), Orion (Oh-ree-uhn), etc…here in Michigan. The Midwest just absolutely butchers foreign names.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:47 pm

So, uh, can I come stay with you this weekend, dood? 'Cos I think I just broke YouTube.

Oh, no, wait, it's up again, he he. I'll just go see how that, um, gorgeous li'l lady is doing. BRB.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I know, dood. I worked on the first ever iteration of the InnerNetz. We spent a lot of time figuring out how to commercialize that big beautiful thing. Goddammit.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

Looking at your blog's code it calls a lot of Java Script. You mentioned Iframe in another reply which is used as part of a name in several different file naming processes and doesn't apply only to Apple. Check to see in your Java runtime is up to day (Version 6 Update 30 is close to the latest). Check to see, while on http://www.java.com if your version of Win7 will accept Java 64 bit (the Java site will check for you) Since you are using Chrome that will probably coexist with all versions of Java. Consider signing up for a Google email account (remember Chrome is Google) as Chrome will be updated automatically if you do. Chrome required updates have been extremely rare so it may be easier to just re install the latest version from Google. If you are running any Citrix clients or one of their products like "Go to my PC" There was a conflict I was getting which disappeared when I decided I've paid too many dues already to have to do in the office computer work at home, so I got rid of all my Citrix connections.

After all that, there are still wordpress issues which I haven't fully exorcised from my home computer and occasionally I open up Wonkette and it tries to call a wordpress.org function. I don't know if anyone else in Wonkette gets a similar problem. It seems to happen when Wonkette is loading slow. Briefly a wordpress blog comment client shows up before it disappears and the IntenseDebate comment shows up.

This happens both at home and at work. I never installed any wordpress at work so I am inclined to believe it is a Wonkette problem but our Overlords have been silent on this.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I'm in Colorado. The rise west of Cheyenne is steeper, but still so long and relatively gentle compated to the rise west of Denver that it's call the Gangplank.

James Michael Curley February 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I remember that. I also remember a trip leading up to the Eisenhower Tunnel when the traffic was stop and go and; by looking at the surroundings, I thought I would keep it in neutral and let off the brake and go forward and I rolled into the guy behind me. Fortunately one can not do much damage to a Kenworth with a Karmin Ghia.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: