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Congressman Realizes He Can Just Shoot People Who Get In His Way

How will the Republicans ever pass that nice young boy scout Paul Ryan’s budget and finish ruining the country? Unless Republicans can put together a simultaneous presidency, House majority, and 60-vote Senate majority, it’s unlikely that our government will ever be able to double seniors’ out-of-pocket medical costs and put this busted experiment to rest. But it’s not impossible! Rep. John Sullivan of Oklahoma has a pretty simple plan; you’ve just gotta go and kill a few Senators who are blocking it. Umm duh? Just not so many that you wouldn’t be able to put together a quorum, of course.

Here’s Sullivan on the radio, describing his frustrations with Senators who don’t like Paul Ryan’s terrible bill and his plan to take the fuckers out. He will just go door to door in his legislative flophouse (on Cum Street?) and murder his roommates, who disagree with him about politics. Via TPM:

Like I said, after this last election, the first order of business is pass a budget. Now, I believe that. I supported the Paul Ryan budget and sent it over to the Senate. Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him and I’d love to get them to vote for it — boy I’d love that. You know but other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat.

He has since issued an apology, which is lame. He was having a genuine breakthrough here! Shoot first, have a reason later.

[via TPM]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    In all fairness, he did say that shooting them was the alternative to, you know, just *beating* them. Which I'm sure we can all agree with.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      But shouldn't there be waterboarding, at least, in between?

      First you try to convince them with talk, then you beat them, then you waterboard them, and if they still don't agree with you, you shoot them. Nice, perfectly sensible progression — and when you have stones in your skull like this fuckwit, it's much easier than changing your mind about anything.

      1. FROTHY

        Yaknow, Biely, I'm beginning to see the manifold advantages of a nice, slow progression of beatery. At least for this putz. I envision those meat-tenderizing hammers, with their many little teeth, slowly pounding him to the approximate thickness of a chicken-breast, for stuffing. That'll give him plenty of time to change what passes for a mind.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Everyone in the country who hadn't gotten the secret "Republican" chip implanted would be in Gitmo right now. They'd have to put a lease down on Devil's Island and the old Gulag camps just for the overflow.

  2. memzilla

    Ah, he's in favor of the Giffords Solution to Murrcan Gummint.

    There has to be a word that describes someone who apologizes for the turd-brained remark he makes only after there's an outcry about it, and then issues the kind of "I apologize if you were offended" apology that Rethuglicans have long specialized in.

    There has to be a word for this kind of person. I mean a word other than Rethuglican, or Troglodyte, or Quarter-Wit, or Defendant.

  3. Joshua Norton

    He has since issued an apology, which is lame. He was having a genuine breakthrough here! Shoot first, have a reason later.

    You know, he could just as easily have said, "I'm a Fox News educated moron" using far fewer words.

    1. memzilla

      Mann Coulter either coined or stole an acronym I hadn't heard before: NFM, for Non-Fox Media.

      I think we can pretty much divide America into FM and NFM sections. Unlike the graduated Red-Blue-Purple mixture we're familiar with, I really don't know anyone who only gets some of his news, or only believes some of what he hears, on Faux News. It's really a binary, yes-no, either/or measurement method.


    I wonder if we should make a video talking about shooting this stupid fuck, you know, just to see his reaction.

    Anyone willing to bet good money that he cries like a little bitch about threats on his life and Secret Service protection and vicious libs lowering the tone of political discourse?

    1. Negropolis

      You know, that was my first thought until I read a bit more closely and realized he was talking about killing the opposition to the plan, you know, the Dem senators.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    I have to admit, gunplay on the House floor would certainly make C-Span much more watchable. "435 men enter, 434 men leave."

  6. OkieDokieDog

    Be thankful he wasn't drunk when he was saying this. <– Changing this to mean that he can't use the "I was drunk when I said that, oops, burrrrp."

    He spent some time drying out at some alcohol rehab place, then whined about how his insurance didn't cover the $26 thousand or so that it cost. Fucker didn't even consider that lots of OKIEs would love to make $26 thousand a year.

    I despise him. He reps my district.

        1. FROTHY

          Oh, no, we wouldn't want to do that to *you.* Surely there's *someone* who's just driven crazy listening to this guy?

          Me? I'd LOVE to help, but at my age, my teeth won't do him any damage.

          1. FROTHY

            Oh, no, I totally got what you were saying. It's just that I would *never* think of subjecting a *dog* to close contact with this monster. Surely there's a human willing to volunteer?

  7. CogitoErgoBibo

    Guns don't kill legislators; legislators kill legislators. Second Amendment! Second Amendment! It's 'Merica, bitches!

    Plus, I'll be hiding under my bed until they pry the gun from that wingnut's living/warm or cold/dead hand. And also.

        1. PubOption

          I had some trouble getting the line to scan, with the result that it became ambiguous. I intended the socialists to be the clowns. I'm not sure how many jokers would be to the right of this guy. I suppose '…not much to the right' would both have scanned and been clear.

  8. Dr_Zoidberg

    Huh! What a delightfully enlightened and progressive chain of thought. Boy, I bet that would get me great service the next time I'm at Chili's!

  9. SayItWithWookies

    And if that fails, Rep. Sullivan'll slip 'em some roofies — one of those vote-garnering/dating tactics is bound to work.

  10. Eve8Apples

    Better yet, commandeer a commercial plane and fly it into the Capitol Building. Sullivan should finish what Osama Bin Laden started. Second Amendment remedies, Muthafuckers!

  11. elviouslyqueer

    Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him

    Hmm, I can pretty much predict how this is going to play out. The bully of the class also likes a large dick up his ass.

    1. chicken_thief

      "Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him "

      Is that like a fortune cookie where you add: in bed?

  12. hagajim

    Just gotta love that killing shit is these bungholes answer to fucking everything….fuckin' insane maniacs.

  13. Pragmatist2

    He's so dumb that the odds are pretty good he would shoot himself as well. So, in balance, yeah. Go ahead.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Now, son, before y'all start shootin' ya better take a look at that barrel and check that it's workin'. . .

  14. PuckStopsHere

    Dear Penthouse,

    I live with some Senators…I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him.

    It felt good. So then I kissed him right on the mouth. I never thought this would happen to me…

  15. Indiepalin

    If Rep. Sullivan is tired of congress, I hear there's an opening over at Kruger Industrial Smoothing.

  16. SorosBot

    Killing the Senators so that they can kill tomorrow's seniors – the important thing is that as many people as possible die.

  17. Generation[redacted]

    I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat.

    Just goes to show, Obama is the most divisive President since 1856

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I don't think they're going to listen unless they get beat off. And I'm just the man to do it.


  18. EatsBabyDingos

    I listened to the whole clip. Mental Ambien. I imagine John Wayne Gacy talked like that when put on the clown makeup. Must be a clown thing.

  19. MissTaken

    You know but other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat

    I said this exact line to my boss regarding some coworkers and now I'm in prison. Weird.

      1. MissTaken

        And you texting back "How do I know you?" and "Leave me alone" was really mean of you.

        Gotta run, Big Bertha is calling for me, again.

        1. SorosBot

          Just a few hours in the slammer, and you're already someone's bitch? Well here's hoping that she can protect you until you get out, and that she's good with her hands for your sake!

    1. FROTHY

      Some people have no sensayuma. It's these fuckin' PoliticallyCorrectLibs, fucking up the good things we have, yaknow? It used to be you could call a spade a spade and a broad a broad. Now ya got all these feminazis and knee growz just linin' up to whale on a white man …

  20. mavenmaven

    Not unexpected in our post-Weimar America. All they need is a Strong Leader and the jackboots will be marching.

    1. unclejeems

      Right. They'll have red and white armbands displaying "the cross of Christ" and each storm trooper will carry a copy of the Bible in a backpack. King James only, of course, but with all the stuff about peace, justice and feeding the poor marked out.

  21. SoBeach

    Sometimes they forget they're not completely surrounded by like minded folks who can't work a tape recorder.

  22. Callyson

    other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen
    Nah, your rants don't make sense to dead people either…

  23. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But hasn't Rep. Sullivan been listening to Santorum? Satan is behind those who oppose all things Republicans. So, unless he has some silver bullets, what good will shooting do?

  24. teebob2000

    Aaaaaah, the non-apology apology. Just leave out the "TO ANYONE HE OFFENDED" next time, asshole, so it actually means something.

  25. chicken_thief

    Might want to hone those debating skills if you have to hold a gun to peoples head in order to be convincing, Mr. Congressman. Jes sayin…

  26. Antispandex

    This guy isn't thinking. Bullets aren't cheap. In the olden days you just took your cane to people on the floor.

  27. Barrelhse

    I'm glad, though, that these people are toning down the rhetoric a little so they don't seem so absurd.

  28. JackDempsey1

    Debating skills/argument strategy: 3/10
    Ventriloquism aptitude: 9/10
    [I never saw his lips move the entire clip.]

    1. MoeDeLawn

      Jack, Jack, Jack. I think maybe Firpo hit you harder than you thought. It said something about radio in there, which, incidentally, is how I watched most of your fights. BTW, I have a postcard with your autograph that my dad got at your restaurant in October of 1961.

  29. smashedinhat

    All these delusional old men look like they have wax injected under their skin. I would recommend a good enema, something hot. Lots and lots of hot.

      1. smashedinhat

        I was thinking of a series of hot meat injections administered from behind a sheet covered bunk-bed by a 300 lb. cell mate named Jose', but I suppose if you took the cap off the bottle this product would work just as well.

  30. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, someone is carrying through on Sharon Angle's philosophy of second amendment remedies.

  31. glamourdammerung

    I wonder if the apology was the standard GOP non-apology version.

    Yep, it sure was and even included petty jabs at the Democrats to boot. Though there was no crying about how the comments were the media's fault so I have to give it a 2/10.

  32. meatlofer

    Kill a couple of Senators here and Kill a couple of Senators there. Pretty soon we're talking about a lot of Senators,are we not?

    1. Negropolis

      You know what they say, sometimes you have to shoot a few senators to make legislation.


      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I didn't realize the analogy to sausage-making included slaughtering the animals. No wonder you don't want to see how it's done!

  33. SudsMcKenzie

    "I know what you're thinking Schumer. Do we need six votes or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself."

    1. tessiee

      Maybe we can bring Lyndsie Englund back from whatever bar she's pole dancing in to point at them, too.

  34. orygoon

    Whoa! Look at the "controversies" section of the guy's wikipedia page. He IS a walking menace. Arrests, the Betty Ford clinic, stiffing a campaign worker…

    Charming. I just don't get it.

  35. WiscDad

    Why does he look like Nathan Lane's character from The Bird Cage? Maybe because he's a drag queen trying to appear straight to appease the homophobic religious right. Like most other Republican pols. At least Dems fuck women

  36. labman57

    Obama was right — Republicans really do cling to God and their guns as the primary means to solving problems.

  37. Negropolis


    Oklahoma! Where the wind goes blowing through their heads.

    Yes, and we wonder why our nation is so violent. But, it's all the Blahs fault, so we don't even have to think about gun violence, right? That's their problem.

    God, I hate these people t.h.i.s. much.

  38. tessiee

    Why am I imagining Chris Christie kicking this guy in the ankle under the table and hissing, "Shuuuuuttt-uuuuupppp!"?

  39. comrad_darkness

    Guns don't kill people, wingtards with guns kill people they disagree with.

    Also that look different, natch.

  40. DahBoner

    ruining the country

    Yeah, we should give Republicans a chance to finish ruining the country they started ruining.

    Don't change ruiners in the middle of ruining…

  41. DustBowlBlues

    I work hard to avoid knowing anything going on in my asshate state. After actually working a couple of days, I take a break to read what I missed on the wonket. And what did the 19 *year old Ginger do?
    He pulled me BAAACK.

    * I know he looks 16 in the umbrella photo, but he has aged a few years since the last time he slummed-it-up on wonkette.

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