CRAZY ROOMMATES YOU FIND ON CRAIGSLIST  4:05 pm February 23, 2012

Congressman Realizes He Can Just Shoot People Who Get In His Way

by Jim Newell

How will the Republicans ever pass that nice young boy scout Paul Ryan’s budget and finish ruining the country? Unless Republicans can put together a simultaneous presidency, House majority, and 60-vote Senate majority, it’s unlikely that our government will ever be able to double seniors’ out-of-pocket medical costs and put this busted experiment to rest. But it’s not impossible! Rep. John Sullivan of Oklahoma has a pretty simple plan; you’ve just gotta go and kill a few Senators who are blocking it. Umm duh? Just not so many that you wouldn’t be able to put together a quorum, of course.

Here’s Sullivan on the radio, describing his frustrations with Senators who don’t like Paul Ryan’s terrible bill and his plan to take the fuckers out. He will just go door to door in his legislative flophouse (on Cum Street?) and murder his roommates, who disagree with him about politics. Via TPM:

Like I said, after this last election, the first order of business is pass a budget. Now, I believe that. I supported the Paul Ryan budget and sent it over to the Senate. Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him and I’d love to get them to vote for it — boy I’d love that. You know but other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat.

He has since issued an apology, which is lame. He was having a genuine breakthrough here! Shoot first, have a reason later.

[via TPM]

 
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{ 151 comments }

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Dick Cheney school of political theory.

bumfug February 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Wow, I'm glad he can't fit a gun rack in his Volt.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I sure would like to fit a few THOUSAND volts up his gun rack, if you know what I mean.

EatsBabyDingos February 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Probably has the "Easy Rider Rifle Rack" or the Gorgonzola version "Cheesy Rider Rifle Rack."

Not_So_Much February 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

A Volt is probably the hood ornament on the Hummer he drives to, you know, 'compensate'.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 4:09 pm

In all fairness, he did say that shooting them was the alternative to, you know, just *beating* them. Which I'm sure we can all agree with.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 6:05 am

But shouldn't there be waterboarding, at least, in between?

First you try to convince them with talk, then you beat them, then you waterboard them, and if they still don't agree with you, you shoot them. Nice, perfectly sensible progression — and when you have stones in your skull like this fuckwit, it's much easier than changing your mind about anything.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Yaknow, Biely, I'm beginning to see the manifold advantages of a nice, slow progression of beatery. At least for this putz. I envision those meat-tenderizing hammers, with their many little teeth, slowly pounding him to the approximate thickness of a chicken-breast, for stuffing. That'll give him plenty of time to change what passes for a mind.

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Your move, Preston Brooks.

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I was thinking it was about time for another PB reference.

UnholyMoses February 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Now … imagine if a Democrat had said this during the Bush years …

Chichikovovich February 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Everyone in the country who hadn't gotten the secret "Republican" chip implanted would be in Gitmo right now. They'd have to put a lease down on Devil's Island and the old Gulag camps just for the overflow.

memzilla February 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Ah, he's in favor of the Giffords Solution to Murrcan Gummint.

There has to be a word that describes someone who apologizes for the turd-brained remark he makes only after there's an outcry about it, and then issues the kind of "I apologize if you were offended" apology that Rethuglicans have long specialized in.

There has to be a word for this kind of person. I mean a word other than Rethuglican, or Troglodyte, or Quarter-Wit, or Defendant.

Trannysurprise February 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I think I'll just go with Vomit Clown.

emmelemm February 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

How about "asshole".

LetUsBray February 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Actually, I believe Defendant wouldn't be a bad start at all in this case.

Dudleydidwrong February 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I'd go with Egotistical Fuckwit

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:56 am

"I'm sorry I got called on my shit"?
I'd call that a sociopath.

Joshua Norton February 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

He has since issued an apology, which is lame. He was having a genuine breakthrough here! Shoot first, have a reason later.

You know, he could just as easily have said, "I'm a Fox News educated moron" using far fewer words.

memzilla February 23, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Mann Coulter either coined or stole an acronym I hadn't heard before: NFM, for Non-Fox Media.

I think we can pretty much divide America into FM and NFM sections. Unlike the graduated Red-Blue-Purple mixture we're familiar with, I really don't know anyone who only gets some of his news, or only believes some of what he hears, on Faux News. It's really a binary, yes-no, either/or measurement method.

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

He is only sorry that he said it on the radio.

FlownOver February 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm

"Cum Street" has always been my fave Doors track.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I wonder if we should make a video talking about shooting this stupid fuck, you know, just to see his reaction.

Anyone willing to bet good money that he cries like a little bitch about threats on his life and Secret Service protection and vicious libs lowering the tone of political discourse?

DemmeFatale February 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Right back at ya, Johnny!

Barb February 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Good thing he didn't suggest they'd be aborted instead or we would have a real problem.

OneDollarJuana February 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

You know, if you kill a couple of Senators, you lose your potential votes.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:45 am

You know, that was my first thought until I read a bit more closely and realized he was talking about killing the opposition to the plan, you know, the Dem senators.

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I have to admit, gunplay on the House floor would certainly make C-Span much more watchable. "435 men enter, 434 men leave."

memzilla February 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Title: Extreme Congress!

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Guppy February 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Senate, please. The House camera wouldn't be allowed to pan to follow the action.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:46 am

"435 men enter, 434 men leave."

Damn, dude. They must be some sucky-ass shots if only one dies.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:59 am

it certainly would have improved that crappy star wars movie.

OkieDokieDog February 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Be thankful he wasn't drunk when he was saying this. <– Changing this to mean that he can't use the "I was drunk when I said that, oops, burrrrp."

He spent some time drying out at some alcohol rehab place, then whined about how his insurance didn't cover the $26 thousand or so that it cost. Fucker didn't even consider that lots of OKIEs would love to make $26 thousand a year.

I despise him. He reps my district.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

You poor, poor pup.

No chance of sneaking a rabies-infected bite in?

OkieDokieDog February 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I've had my rabies shot.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Oh, no, we wouldn't want to do that to *you.* Surely there's *someone* who's just driven crazy listening to this guy?

Me? I'd LOVE to help, but at my age, my teeth won't do him any damage.

OkieDokieDog February 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I should have said that my dogs have all had their rabies shots or they could bite him. I wouldn't let them get close to the likes of him though, because I'm sure he's carrying some tick-sucking-like teabagger disease.

He's an uber conservative.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Sullivan_%28Okl

CogitoErgoBibo February 23, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Guns don't kill legislators; legislators kill legislators. Second Amendment! Second Amendment! It's 'Merica, bitches!

Plus, I'll be hiding under my bed until they pry the gun from that wingnut's living/warm or cold/dead hand. And also.

larryfinexx February 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

This shoot 'em down policy is already in effect in Afghanistani politics.

Gratuitous World February 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

During these "meetings," I picture him dancing casually while listening to "Stuck in the middle with you"

PubOption February 23, 2012 at 5:18 pm

"Clowns to the left of me, socialists, that's right"

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:00 am

Wouldn't the socialists be to the left of him?

PubOption February 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

I had some trouble getting the line to scan, with the result that it became ambiguous. I intended the socialists to be the clowns. I'm not sure how many jokers would be to the right of this guy. I suppose '…not much to the right' would both have scanned and been clear.

Dr_Zoidberg February 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Huh! What a delightfully enlightened and progressive chain of thought. Boy, I bet that would get me great service the next time I'm at Chili's!

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 4:25 pm

You'd get head of the line privileges at the doctor/dentist office too.

nounverb911 February 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

“Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.”
–Will Rogers

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Needs way less Dan White and his Twinkies.

SayItWithWookies February 23, 2012 at 4:18 pm

And if that fails, Rep. Sullivan'll slip 'em some roofies — one of those vote-garnering/dating tactics is bound to work.

Jukesgrrl February 23, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Don't tell me … his apology was, "Those damn libruls have no sense of humor. I was jus kiddin'."

jus_wonderin February 23, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"jus kiddin"

That's my redneck cousin.

Eve8Apples February 23, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Better yet, commandeer a commercial plane and fly it into the Capitol Building. Sullivan should finish what Osama Bin Laden started. Second Amendment remedies, Muthafuckers!

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

"He has since issued an apology,"

Do I even need to guess? "I'm sorry if anyone was offended"?

elviouslyqueer February 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him

Hmm, I can pretty much predict how this is going to play out. The bully of the class also likes a large dick up his ass.

chicken_thief February 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"Now I live with some Senators, I yell at them all the time, I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him "

Is that like a fortune cookie where you add: in bed?

not that Dewey February 24, 2012 at 12:04 am

Should have just challenged them to a tickle fight. No apology necessary.

hagajim February 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Just gotta love that killing shit is these bungholes answer to fucking everything….fuckin' insane maniacs.

Pragmatist2 February 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm

He's so dumb that the odds are pretty good he would shoot himself as well. So, in balance, yeah. Go ahead.

comrad_darkness February 24, 2012 at 3:54 am

Now, son, before y'all start shootin' ya better take a look at that barrel and check that it's workin'. . .

PuckStopsHere February 23, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Dear Penthouse,

I live with some Senators…I grabbed one of them the other day and shook him.

It felt good. So then I kissed him right on the mouth. I never thought this would happen to me…

Sparky McGruff February 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Then, on Thursday, it was my turn in the barrel.

chicken_thief February 23, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Eric Massa move to DC?

40 or 50 % McShineys February 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

TICKLE FIGHT!!!

Indiepalin February 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

If Rep. Sullivan is tired of congress, I hear there's an opening over at Kruger Industrial Smoothing.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Killing the Senators so that they can kill tomorrow's seniors – the important thing is that as many people as possible die.

edgydrifter February 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Shaken Senator Syndrome

CogitoErgoBibo February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

Generation[redacted] February 23, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat.

Just goes to show, Obama is the most divisive President since 1856

Dudleydidwrong February 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I don't think they're going to listen unless they get beat off. And I'm just the man to do it.

Fixed.

EatsBabyDingos February 23, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I listened to the whole clip. Mental Ambien. I imagine John Wayne Gacy talked like that when put on the clown makeup. Must be a clown thing.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm

You know but other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat

I said this exact line to my boss regarding some coworkers and now I'm in prison. Weird.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 4:59 pm

You know I was wondering about that text requesting bail money…

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And you texting back "How do I know you?" and "Leave me alone" was really mean of you.

Gotta run, Big Bertha is calling for me, again.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Just a few hours in the slammer, and you're already someone's bitch? Well here's hoping that she can protect you until you get out, and that she's good with her hands for your sake!

Barb February 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

How many cartons of cigarettes do you think this lovely would go for?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Some people have no sensayuma. It's these fuckin' PoliticallyCorrectLibs, fucking up the good things we have, yaknow? It used to be you could call a spade a spade and a broad a broad. Now ya got all these feminazis and knee growz just linin' up to whale on a white man …

Eve8Apples February 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The Syrian Army has nominated Sullivan for their "Political Jihadist of the Year" award.

DerrickWildcat February 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Fox News: "We Report, You Decide. Then We're Gonna Kill Ya."

mavenmaven February 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Not unexpected in our post-Weimar America. All they need is a Strong Leader and the jackboots will be marching.

spinozasgod February 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm

perhaps a Fearless Leader………..Boris/Natasha 2012!!

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:05 am

Unfair to Local 12 — Villains, Thieves, and Scoundrels Union

unclejeems February 23, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Right. They'll have red and white armbands displaying "the cross of Christ" and each storm trooper will carry a copy of the Bible in a backpack. King James only, of course, but with all the stuff about peace, justice and feeding the poor marked out.

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Yo, Sully, we're not in Yugoslavia anymore.

Mahousu February 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Sullivan misspoke. He meant to propose subjecting his opponents to transvaginal ultrasounds.

SoBeach February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Sometimes they forget they're not completely surrounded by like minded folks who can't work a tape recorder.

spinozasgod February 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

tape recorder? all you need is a smart phone

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 7:18 am

I'm an Old.

Callyson February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

other than me going over there with a gun and holding it to their head and maybe killing a couple of them, I don’t think they’re going to listen
Nah, your rants don't make sense to dead people either…

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

But hasn't Rep. Sullivan been listening to Santorum? Satan is behind those who oppose all things Republicans. So, unless he has some silver bullets, what good will shooting do?

DahBoner February 24, 2012 at 8:04 am

And who created Satan?

God.

Obama is all part of God's Plan.

teebob2000 February 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Aaaaaah, the non-apology apology. Just leave out the "TO ANYONE HE OFFENDED" next time, asshole, so it actually means something.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 5:50 am

"I'm sorry if I offended any of the people I shot."

-Jared Loughner

chicken_thief February 23, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Might want to hone those debating skills if you have to hold a gun to peoples head in order to be convincing, Mr. Congressman. Jes sayin…

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:45 am

"Jes sayin"

Is that jus_wonderin's other redneck cousin?

Antispandex February 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm

This guy isn't thinking. Bullets aren't cheap. In the olden days you just took your cane to people on the floor.

spinozasgod February 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

followed with an asprin

ManchuCandidate February 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

You know who else thought it was a good idea to shoot people in his way?

Not_So_Much February 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Cheney?

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Sharon Angle?

neiltheblaze February 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Wild Bill Hickok?

SudsMcKenzie February 23, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Charles Bronson?

spinozasgod February 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

right now, me…this guy is pissing me off

Antispandex February 23, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Mongo?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am

Annie Oakley?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:46 am

Chuck Norris?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:46 am

Ted Nugent?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 5:49 am

Gen. George Custer?

bikerlaureate February 24, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Indiana Jones?

GeorgiaBurning February 23, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Let me guess- he's considered "pro-life"

ManchuCandidate February 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm

No need to guess. It's pretty much a given.

lochnessmonster February 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

He better watch out…he's showing his Christianity!

Pat_Pending February 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Eats, shoots, and leaves…

Barrelhse February 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I'm glad, though, that these people are toning down the rhetoric a little so they don't seem so absurd.

CogitoErgoBibo February 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Nothing says "spirit of cooperation" like a gun to the head.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 23, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Bipartisanship: Aiming Across The Aisle

neiltheblaze February 23, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Someone should pry that gun out of his cold, dead fingers.

JackDempsey1 February 23, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Debating skills/argument strategy: 3/10
Ventriloquism aptitude: 9/10
[I never saw his lips move the entire clip.]

MoeDeLawn February 24, 2012 at 8:29 am

Jack, Jack, Jack. I think maybe Firpo hit you harder than you thought. It said something about radio in there, which, incidentally, is how I watched most of your fights. BTW, I have a postcard with your autograph that my dad got at your restaurant in October of 1961.

smashedinhat February 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

All these delusional old men look like they have wax injected under their skin. I would recommend a good enema, something hot. Lots and lots of hot.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 6:10 am

Something like this might make a suitable impression on the colorcectal membranes.

smashedinhat February 24, 2012 at 9:07 am

I was thinking of a series of hot meat injections administered from behind a sheet covered bunk-bed by a 300 lb. cell mate named Jose', but I suppose if you took the cap off the bottle this product would work just as well.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Finally, someone is carrying through on Sharon Angle's philosophy of second amendment remedies.

glamourdammerung February 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I wonder if the apology was the standard GOP non-apology version.

Yep, it sure was and even included petty jabs at the Democrats to boot. Though there was no crying about how the comments were the media's fault so I have to give it a 2/10.

meatlofer February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Kill a couple of Senators here and Kill a couple of Senators there. Pretty soon we're talking about a lot of Senators,are we not?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 1:00 am

You know what they say, sometimes you have to shoot a few senators to make legislation.

#notintendedasapersonalopinionDHS

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 6:13 am

I didn't realize the analogy to sausage-making included slaughtering the animals. No wonder you don't want to see how it's done!

LiveToServeYa February 23, 2012 at 5:18 pm

What a putsch.

Slim_Pickins February 23, 2012 at 5:19 pm

John Sullivan for dictator. He'll get things done in Washington!

owhatever February 23, 2012 at 5:19 pm

"Poor choice of words?" You threatened to kill a bunch United States Senators, you fucking moron.

SudsMcKenzie February 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"I know what you're thinking Schumer. Do we need six votes or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself."

rickmaci February 23, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Maybe he OD'd on Hateraide?

RadioSBJ February 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Maybe he should get an old surveyor to help him out.

not that Dewey February 23, 2012 at 11:57 pm

"That wasn't a threat; it was a surveyor's metaphor."

BTWBFDIMHO February 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Shot those damn Senators and then have pictures of Sen. Vitter peeing on their dead bodies.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 2:50 am

Maybe we can bring Lyndsie Englund back from whatever bar she's pole dancing in to point at them, too.

Veritas78 February 23, 2012 at 7:49 pm

This works on Supreme Court justices, too. But quicker.

orygoon February 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Whoa! Look at the "controversies" section of the guy's wikipedia page. He IS a walking menace. Arrests, the Betty Ford clinic, stiffing a campaign worker…

Charming. I just don't get it.

WiscDad February 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Why does he look like Nathan Lane's character from The Bird Cage? Maybe because he's a drag queen trying to appear straight to appease the homophobic religious right. Like most other Republican pols. At least Dems fuck women

Naked_Bunny February 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Representative Sullivan does know that the president can assassinate Americans now, doesn't he?

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Pussyfart Alert! Empty wagon always makes the most noise.

BTWBFDIMHO February 24, 2012 at 12:07 am

"Senator Lieberman? Leave the gun and take the rugelachs".

labman57 February 24, 2012 at 12:29 am

Obama was right — Republicans really do cling to God and their guns as the primary means to solving problems.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 6:16 am

And God is going, "Eeewww!"

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:37 am

Haha?

Oklahoma! Where the wind goes blowing through their heads.

Yes, and we wonder why our nation is so violent. But, it's all the Blahs fault, so we don't even have to think about gun violence, right? That's their problem.

God, I hate these people t.h.i.s. much.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:53 am

Why am I imagining Chris Christie kicking this guy in the ankle under the table and hissing, "Shuuuuuttt-uuuuupppp!"?

comrad_darkness February 24, 2012 at 3:48 am

Guns don't kill people, wingtards with guns kill people they disagree with.

Also that look different, natch.

DahBoner February 24, 2012 at 8:03 am

ruining the country

Yeah, we should give Republicans a chance to finish ruining the country they started ruining.

Don't change ruiners in the middle of ruining…

DustBowlBlues February 24, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I work hard to avoid knowing anything going on in my asshate state. After actually working a couple of days, I take a break to read what I missed on the wonket. And what did the 19 *year old Ginger do?
He pulled me BAAACK.

* I know he looks 16 in the umbrella photo, but he has aged a few years since the last time he slummed-it-up on wonkette.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Oh, no, I totally got what you were saying. It's just that I would *never* think of subjecting a *dog* to close contact with this monster. Surely there's a human willing to volunteer?

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Oh I'd say she's worth all of 'em, Katie.

starfanglednut February 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Awwww.

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