THERE'S ABOUT TO BE A RUSH ON BABY CARROTS  5:20 pm February 23, 2012

Wingnuts Protest in D.C. For Right To Feed Healthy Food To Kids, What?

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

A government furry eats a delicious small child.

First the lunch Nazis came in their moon buggies to force healthier school meals on children with a tyrannical attempt to redefine pizza sauce as “not a vegetable.” They lost! So now the lunch Nazis are back again to wage a devious new battle that is confusingly the total opposite of the previous one: They are stealing healthy homemade lunches from children and forcing them to eat the poisonous sawdust shavings the agricultural industry repackages to dump in school cafeterias! According to recent shrieking noises from the right-wing blog section of the Internet, a government agent stormed into a North Carolina school cafeteria, stole a preschooler’s turkey sandwich and her apple and then forced the preschooler to go stand in the Soviet cafeteria line and cry high-sodium tears while she was given a new tray piled with deep-fried chicken toenails. Thus a group of confused wingnuts gathered for a “lunch-in” today in D.C.’s Freedom Plaza to eat low-calorie sandwiches and fruit, to protest the government. Has Michelle Obama’s campaign to fight childhood obesity been going about it the wrong way this whole time?

Apparently so:

“We just sat down and had a nice lunch,” protest organizer David Almasi says of today’s protest. “It was our way of thumbing our nose at the federal regulators.”

THAT’LL SHOW EM. So what really happened on that dreary day in North Carolina when freedom was murdered? As usual, it is another idiotic tale of a disgruntled American suffering from the oppression of a government social program in which she voluntarily chose to enroll her child.

From blogger Mark Thompson:

The original story further obscures that in no circumstance was this child – or any child, for that matter – being forced to eat the school-provided lunch, nor was this child -or any other child – deprived of her boxed lunch. Instead, as the second linked story acknowledges, the child was just provided with additional food and given the option to consume that in addition to her boxed lunch. In other words, the claim that the school “replaced” this girl’s turkey sandwich, banana, apple, potato chips, and juice with chicken nuggets is totally bogus.

By and large, what this story boils down to is that a low-income child whose tuition is fully subsidized by the state under a program her mother opted into was offered some additional food to supplement the boxed lunch she brought from home. This option was provided not because of some overarching, generally applicable law or regulation, but because the program in which her mother and school voluntarily participate requires such an option be available. The mother apparently objects to this option being provided to her daughter, not because of any health concerns or the like, but because she incorrectly believes that she will be charged additional money for her child being provided this option. Since she won’t in fact be charged for this and there is no evidence she was ever going to be charged for it, there is absolutely no harm actually being done to her or her child.

Since this is also an opt-in program, there is no chance of this becoming some sort of generally applicable concern even to the extent there is some sort of nanny state concern here. If the mother has some sort of ethical problem with her child being provided with the option of drinking milk or eating vegetables at school, then she is surely free to send her child to an unsubsidized day care program.

Oh well. If the net result was still a group of panicky teabaggers sharing a reasonably healthy mid-day meal with their children in a fit of sheer outrage, there are worse things. [Weekly Standard/ Mark Thompson]

 

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{ 125 comments }

nounverb911 February 23, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Pizzas are vegetables too, my friends.

nounverb911 February 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Did Michelle Obama cater the luncheon?

Barb February 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Meh, let the kids eat hot dogs made of chicken lips and pig peckers. It was good enough for me when I was growing up.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Jezus Christ, Theresa, is that YOU?

Fuck, she's following me EVERYWHERE. And no, I don't wanna hear that story about how your grandad boiled the liquid from his hot dogs and told you it was soup and made you drink it with all the shiny gleamy fat particles melting into kaleidoscope patterns on top.

Gross.

Nothingisamiss February 23, 2012 at 8:21 pm

You told me you loved my stories.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm

I'm'a tell Carl. Shouldn't you be at home dealing with your two hellion-slut daughters anyway?

Chillwillard February 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Since "you are what you eat," we know exactly what GOPers have been eating for the longest time.

Barb February 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Big steaming piles of horse shit?

Chillwillard February 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

That's the first course. I wonder what the other four are…

fartknocker February 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

The appetizer is salted and steamed horse cock with a demiglaze of santorum.

FlownOver February 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

So "Eat the rich" is an investment strategy, eh? Hmmm… What flavors do they come in?

Callyson February 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Vanilla, of course. Flavors are for ethnic people.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Pig anus?

MosesInvests February 24, 2012 at 1:04 am

You laugh-I've seen that for sale in an Asian supermarket here in Austin.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:34 am

ZOMG. I thought pig pizzles at the local Chinese butcher was the worst.

Who THE FUCK would eat a pig's anus?

I must go lie down now.

CessnaDriver February 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Look at your avatar.

mausgeo February 23, 2012 at 8:43 pm

You are what you eat? That….that makes me a pu**y.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:34 am

Oh, now you're just bragging.

justkillmenow February 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

I didn't know you could eat 'stupid'.

neiltheblaze February 23, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Wow – and the Teabaggers' logic was so sound too.

DemmeFatale February 23, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Shhh…mustn't confuse them with logic, (OR THE FACTS!!).

OneDollarJuana February 23, 2012 at 5:27 pm

The kidz will lose weight because, as everyone knows, healthy food is inedible.

bumfug February 23, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Now they're gonna be pissed that they ate all that healthy shit for nothing.

DemmeFatale February 23, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Nah.
They won't let the TRUTH get in the way.

fartknocker February 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

My score is that Oklahoma still has outdone North Carolina with its gun-shooting Cap a Senator representative and making zygote killing a crime. Nice try North Carolina, you'll need work harder on stupid, oppressive, biased legislation and enforcement.

Joshua Norton February 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

As a tribute to bad food and big guts, Chris Christie will be changing New Jersey's motto to "the Olive Garden State".

Barb February 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That's too freaking funny.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

That's nothing–the school my child goes to has (I hope you're sitting down as you read this) BOOKS OTHER THAN THE BIBLE in the school library!!!!!!!!!

Why is the Government trying to replace the knowledge in the Bible with other ideas?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 7:42 am

I'm sure Oklahoma can solve that problem.

DahBoner February 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

Sharia law in Oklahoma prohibits any books, other than the Koran, in lieberries…

littlebigdaddy February 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I hope that kid has to clean some toilets to pay for the lunch. There's no such thing as a free lunch amirite?

BigDumbRedDog February 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I grew up eating deep fried chicken toenails and I turned out great! I am 4'3" tall and an equal distance across. Also, I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 7:08 pm

You mean all this time I've been fapping to a 5'2" Ellen deGeneres lookalike, and I was TOTALLY WRONG?

AnAmericanInTO February 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Git Momma's pryin' bar.

starfanglednut February 23, 2012 at 10:12 pm

You're four feet tall, lying down? Are you an opera singer?

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Future Bart Simpson libel!

BigDumbRedDog February 23, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Why in the hell are ALL of the McDonald's gang so fucking creepy? Hamburgler is a career criminal, Grimace is just fat and weird and I'm pretty sure Ronald isn't allowed to be within 300 ft of a minor.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

It's because Officer Big Mac and Mayor McCheese are as soft as a bun on crime.

CapnFatback February 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm
SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Whatever happened to them, anyway? These days it seems Ronald, Grimace and the Hamburglar are the only characters left in the ads; Mayor McCheese has been missing for decades.

BigDumbRedDog February 23, 2012 at 6:48 pm

They had him locked in Grimace's basement for years, using him as a sex slave in his s&m dungeon. Ronald got over-excited one day and killed him with the testicular electrodes. Then they "did things" with the body before consuming the remains.

DemmeFatale February 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Hey Red!
You are one sick puppy!
(And I love it!)

Indiepalin February 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

You haven't lived until you've been probed vaginally by the Burger King.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:05 am

Ugh, like that mask wasn't creepy enough to begin with.

CapnFatback February 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Grimace used to be weirder.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Do not bash on Evil Grimace or his Uncle O'Grimacey won't bring the Shamrock Shakes this St Patty's Day.

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 7:50 am

I watched the first one and thought "Dang, that's Jodi Foster as a little kid." I fired up the googles and sure enough, it is.

I remember that commercial.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Chicken nuggets in the school lunch? When I was little it was slimy prunes and mystery meat. And that's what I brought with me. God knows I wasn't about to eat what the cafeteria offered.

BigDumbRedDog February 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

What ever happened to Salisbury steak? That stuff was fucking disgusting.

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Ah yes, Salisbury steak.
"Pizza" was a rectangular piece of cardboard with tomato "sauce" & some white shit that was called cheese. All vegetables came out of huge white-labelled cans with "USDA" printed on them & had been marinated in the can's salt water. "Fruit" came from similar cans & it all tasted the same, mildly sweet but gag-inducing as you attempted to swallow.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

"mildly sweet but gag-inducing as you attempted to swallow"

Sounds like someone needs to eat more pineapple.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste—10-Simple

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Ha!
Speaking of pineapple, all those fruits-from-cans were awful, but I remember pineapple was particularly awful. That's probably why I don't touch the stuff now. Too many bad sense memories.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Is this supposed to be a hint?

Steverino247 February 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I think for many people, it's the "idea" that induces the gag.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:06 am

You had rectangular pizza?
Ours was ketchup on an english muffin, I swear to god.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I remember we had "pizza" that tasted like cardboard with melted rubber and ketchup on it, and on Fridays (this being a Catholic school) there was alleged macaroni and cheese where the cheese was congealed and burnt to the point where it was brown. Ugh. There was nothing good.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Sometimes we'd get Spaghetti-O's. That was awesome.

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 6:59 pm

That does sound much better than anything my grade school cafeteria ever had.

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 6:51 pm

My elementary school actually sold fuckin' ice cream to kids in kindergarten & 1st grade (things like ice cream sandwiches & such, 25 cents a pop as a I recall) in the afternoon. That's right, they got us little hellions all sugared up before they sent us back home to the 'rents.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:07 am

On Fridays, we had fish sticks, which the bad boys of course called "fishdicks".

ManchuCandidate February 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm

They'll have to pry the carrot sticks from my cold dead hand.

UW8316154 February 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Hands off my turkey sandwhich!!

finallyhappy February 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Really, Lay's chips, turkey and cheese, super sweet juice boxes-healthy lunch? Where is the water, plain tofu and raw kale?? That is what the gov't wants to force children to eat.

Jukesgrrl February 23, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Where are the cookies Sister Sarah sent?

SorosBot February 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Jesus fucking Christ; is there any molehill the wingnuts can't turn into a mountain, by pulling most of the facts right out of their asses?

BigDumbRedDog February 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

When you are that small (minded) everything looks like a mountain.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 24, 2012 at 7:43 am

What makes you think they need a molehill?

EatsBabyDingos February 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Freedumb Plaza-Home of the Occupados and the free toes crowd.

Come here a minute February 23, 2012 at 5:40 pm

First they came to give children healthy food, and I did not speak out because I thought that was okay.

stopthemovie February 23, 2012 at 5:40 pm

let em eat soylent green !!!!!!!

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:08 am

Soylent Green is people, my friend.

UW8316154 February 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Why does Mark Thompson hate freedom so much?

The original expose, written by Real American Sara Burrows (who, btw, is hottt)
http://www.carolinajournal.com/exclusives/display

Tundra Grifter February 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Is Sara Burrows the Original Wonkette's little sister?

Barrelhse February 23, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Speaking of hot, there's this interesting tidbit:
I'm not sure what to think of this…

Josh Romney @joshromney

Best line I've heard on the trail: "For a lady who raised 5 boys, battled MS & breast cancer your mom sure is smoking hot"
23 Feb 12

Reply
Retweet
Favorite

In fact I'd rather not think of it at all.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:08 am

So don't, but I guarantee you Newt is fapping to it.

SayItWithWookies February 23, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Those poor teabaggers — they endured the risks of proper nutrition and HFCS deprivation for nothing?

And on a side note, why is it that whenever there's a story of someone being forced to eat food or not lead a prayer in school or some other right-wing paranoia fantasy about big government overreach, it's in some red state like Oklahoma or Texas or NC?

Barrelhse February 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Hookworm?

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:10 am

Those states are full of bible nuts, so they don't have lotteries, so their schools are underfunded and crappy, so their kids grow up dumb, so those states are full of bible nuts, so they don't have lotteries, so their schools are underfunded and crappy, so their kids grow up dumb, so those states are full of bible nuts, so they don't have lotteries, so their schools are underfunded and crappy, so their kids grow up dumb, so those states are full of bible nuts, so they don't have lotteries, so their…

stopthemovie February 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Or for the Tea Partyers soylent white !

edgydrifter February 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Her argument boils down to "how dare you charge me nothing for this state-subsidized program that forces my daughter to be allowed to get something that I signed her up to get."

WOW.

This is "get your government hands off my government money" cubed. It's a tesseract of pure American conservative reasoning.

CogitoErgoBibo February 23, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Protest Lunches: When I Don't Care Enough to Camp, Because…Hippies. You Know.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

It's a sad day when the Government won't trust parents to protect their children from Boogey Straw Men.

elfgoldsackring February 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm

"We'll show ya… we'll sit right down and quietly eat this healthy homemade lunch!"

You can tell Mrs O developed mad skillz in outwitting toddlers…

Barrelhse February 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Are.You.Shitting.Me.

arihaya February 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm

well, morbid obesity kills more Americans than terrorist, but Freepers never rail againts Big Corn or Big Pork

Callyson February 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Am tempted to comment "hey wingnuts, eat me."
But on second thoughts, scratch that…

Tundra Grifter February 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

This story has been rattling around the right wing nutzisphere for a couple of weeks.

Mark Simone droned on and on and on about how tramatic the entire experience was for this lttle girl. I thought he was being sarcastic, but that would require a brain. He was serious.

Off-the-Mark Levin and Sheer InSannity scraped it off The Sludge Retort and the story just grew into Michelle Obama's Food Police confiscating this poor little girl's homemade lunch.

None of the reactionaries bothered to undertand "More at Four" is a state sponsored program for at-risk low-income folks. Nobody is forced to go to school at four!

However, the State of North Carolina figured (correctly, in my opinion) it would make sense to establish some rules and regulations – teach qualifications, what is going to be taught, the opportunity for kids to eat a decent lunch, etc. Pretty basic stuff.

Leave it to the GNoPee to turn it into the FFP – Federal Food Police (it was a state agent, of course).

Pathetic that this is the best these befuddled fools can come up with. Even sadder that some people out there actually believe it!

valthemus February 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

People only read the reporting on the reporting of the original second-hand report of the actual incident. A thrice digested event that comes out the back-end as shit… I mean "news."

SoBeach February 24, 2012 at 8:29 am

Those radio hacks have to talk about something. Imagine every day having to find three hours worth of shit that will make stupid people angry. A bs story like this is a week's worth of shows. No way they're going to pass on it just because it's bs.

meatlofer February 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

If you clean the toilets, we will put a slice of Velveeta, on that tumor sandwich!

Loaded_Pants February 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Someone needs to explain to the mother, probably slowly, what "opt-in" means.

Redhead February 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Reading comprehension was never the teabaggers' strong suit.

CapnFatback February 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Well, that tears it: this one incident of a child's picky eating has convinced me that all government programs, at every level, in every nation, throughout history, are a failure.

¡Viva La Turkey Sandwich!

imissopus February 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Sigh.

starfanglednut February 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Indeed.

OneYieldRegular February 23, 2012 at 6:35 pm

What a coincidence. I too sat down today and had a nice lunch. To protest hunger.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 23, 2012 at 6:35 pm

You all seem to be missing the larger point. Turkey is a good, American bird, honored by the Tea Party, who have also bred themselves to be fat and have a tendency to drown themselves if left in the rain.

On the other hand, Chickens are well known Socialist, known to gather in chaotic flocks. And the dishes featuring chicken are often named in honor of Communist heros (e.g. Gen. Tso, Col. Sanders). For all we know, the first chicken probably was placed by God in Kenya as a sign of how forsaken that place is.

Even if there was no real scandal here, the fact that the government encouraged a poor little girl to eat chicken was probably just their way of forcing Socialism and probably contraception upon her.

I think we can all agree, this must be stopped! For the sake of family!

proudgrampa February 23, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Slim_Pickins February 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Getting it exactly wrong, so unlike teabaggers in general.

Antispandex February 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Needs more monosodium glutimate.

Dudleydidwrong February 23, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Having fully researched the turkey food chain from eggs to sliced turkey parts in your local deli, I can certify that the turkey in that sandwich was from one of the birds being, uh, executed behind Sarah Palin in the ultra-famous turkey execution/salvation event at which she presided. So the whole thing is your fault–fuck you, Palin!

chascates February 23, 2012 at 8:04 pm

First they came to remove the soda and candy machines but I did not speak up because I didn't get a take of the money like the school district did.
Then they came for the right for kids to leave the campus at lunch hour and do whatever but I did not speak up because I don't own stock in fast food companies or sell drugs to school kids.
Then they came for old staff members who don't realize food can taste good or that kids would actually eat from a salad bar but I didn't speak up because I myself have horrible eating habits.
Then they came for me, because I developed Type 2 diabetes and was so overweight I couldn't get out my door.

And thank God they did!

owhatever February 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm

My taxes helped pay for that federal park you jelly-bellied snot crunchers stomped all over to protest whatever the hell it was you are bitching about today. Go into protest hyperdrive now and eat a five-pound heart attack burger and croak away your final rancid breaths… fat, dumb and happy.

LetUsBray February 23, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Happy? Surely you jest. Teabaggistanis only feel two emotions: Hysterical, histrionic butthurt or pants-crapping terror, depending on what the talk-show host or fox news yammerer is instructing them to feel.

starfanglednut February 23, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Don't fergit teh rage

CessnaDriver February 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Crapping your pants in terror is now called "a romney".

Go ahead and google it.

glamourdammerung February 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm

It must be swell to have such a careful life that one literally has to make up stuff to be upset about. Of course, doing that would also indicate the person resorting to such nonsense is a moron and probably miserable to be around.

HarryButtle February 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Seriously. I don't think I can do this anymore. The Right is currently without any coherent philosophy. I mean, they've always sucked, but at least one could argue against what they stood for. Now, I can't even figure out what the fuck they represent. They make no sense, they cannot be embarrassed or mocked…snarking this lot is like shooting fish in a barrel. I don't have any idea how to argue with these people.

And where the fuck do all the MSM outlets get off not calling them on it? It's 20 fucking 12, people! AAAARRGH!

Sorry. Lost it there for a minute.

LetUsBray February 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Does "defense of traditional privilege" constitute a philosophy (aggressive, snot-filled, brain-dead defense at that)?

At least, I'll offer the hypothesis that the wingnut political agenda can be summed up as such. Or are there too many counterexamples I'm missing for that to be tenable?

glamourdammerung February 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

The Right is currently without any coherent philosophy.

Spite.

That is about it.

starfanglednut February 23, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Give the little bastards a mop! USA! USA!

Catabite February 23, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I'm going to walk outside, and I am going to scream. I am not sure when I am going to stop screaming. Probably when my voice gives out.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

I Have No Chicken Nuggets And I Must Scream

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Fortunately, the human body is very forgiving up to age 40 or so; after that, payback is a bitch. If you don't believe it check out those Teabaggers in their Hoverounds.

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 11:53 pm

How awesome would it have been if Michelle showed up to protest with them, totally stealing their thunder?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am

File yet another post under "This is why we can't have nice things."

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:12 am

The school lunch was drastically deficient in cedar cheese and cakes we like.

tessiee February 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

Your move, South Carolina.

DahBoner February 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

A Nice Lunch, Wingnut:

Anything the kids can scavenge from the wastebaskets that they empty, while working as a janitor…

Barb February 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Oh my GOD! That's a demerit.
I have a uterus, I just don't know where it is.

imissopus February 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Did you check the couch cushions? That's where I always find the TV remote.

MissTaken February 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

no.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:39 am

Remember the "joke"?

DemmeFatale February 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm

The first time I had FRESH pineapple, (I was 18), I didn't know what it was.

And cherries! Don't forget the cherries in the "fruit cocktail."

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 1:38 am

ZOMG. Dad used to *grow* pineapple. There is nothing so spectacularly sweet and juicy as fresh pineapple. Of course, having been exposed to the canned shit, I don't blame you in the least. (barfs)

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