party of near-death old white men

GOP Suddenly Concerned About Being Insane Racist Misogynist Fanatics

The actual subject of ALL Republican debates is how to further embarrass the memory of Jesus.After last night’s delightful Republican debate focusing on the three important issues facing all Americans — making birth control illegal, cutting taxes for the richest 1%, and savagely persecuting the impoverished Mexican laborers who have mostly stopped seeking work in the U.S. since the economy collapsed — a few “moderate” GOP leaders are suggesting maybe 2012 is going to be a comical repeat of Election Day 2008, when Republicans were stomped out of the White House, Congress and many state offices. “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,” Eric Cantor says. Uhh, was Eric Cantor replaced by a human?

Ha ha, of course not. He’s just terrified because the Republicans are so full-tilt wacko this year that they’ll be lucky to keep “safe seats,” let alone a House majority.

The Politico has apparently noticed that the past half year of GOP presidential campaigning has been insane:

GOP leaders are watching with rising dismay as the 2012 presidential campaign has featured excursions into social issues like contraception and a sprint by the candidates to strike the toughest stance against illegal immigration, issues they say are far removed from the workaday concerns of the independent voters Republicans need to evict Barack Obama from the White House.

Why, that’s almost common sense. What is that doing in the conventional wisdom trade magazine cliche we have all come to know and despise? Don’t worry, it’s followed by this:

As recently as 2010, when Republicans elected historic numbers of women and minorities to high office, a permanent expansion of the conservative coalition looked within the realm of possibility to party strategists.

Let’s see, almost every election cycle with big wins for one party sees big ones for the other party in midterm elections. Why does this continue to baffle people who spend their entire lives following politics and writing about elections? And why does this common reactionary cycle — one party consolidates power, other party motivates base because the Enemy has consolidated power — repeatedly get described by political pundits as evidence that “Americans like divided government”?

The answer is, as always, “because people who work in politics are amoral idiots.” [Politico]

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  • Barb

    Santorum already is being fitted for an inaugural sweater vest. He's ready to prove that he's the most anti-gay guy in America and won't even eat a Hershey bar if it has nuts.

    • James Michael Curley

      I won't either after the cost of my last bridge.

      • MoeDeLawn

        bridge-to-nowhere libel!

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Not eating Hershey chocolate — made in Hershey Pennsylvania — is how he lost his Senate seat. Or maybe it was his taking $1,000,000,000 in taxpayer money to "home school" his children. Or maybe he's just a nut the keystone state didn't find funny anymore.

      Communities of religious fundamentalists often try to "out pious" each other to show how devoted they are. Sometimes that leads to suicide bombers and whatnot. The Go-Pee'ers for POTUS seem to caught in the same game of oneupmanship. Except, they are committing political suicide. (Hey Rick/Mitt/Ron/Newt: If you're reading this, political suicide is not a sin, so go right ahead.)

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Shit…I'd hand them the pistol if it would help.

        • 40 or 50 % McShineys

          You mean Surveyor's Astrolabe, I am sure.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Rick eating a nut is cannabulismz

      • chicken_thief

        Same logic he uses in avoiding munching tacos, much to Karen's frustration.

    • Guppy

      Did you honestly just use "Santorum" and "Hershey" in the same paragraph without making an ass-fucking pun?

      • Sue4466

        Admirable restraint if you ask me.

      • GOPCrusher

        I miss the good old days of Wonkete.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      He may not eat a Hershey bar with nuts but he loves taking it up the Hershey Highway.

    • http://godlessfeminist.wordpress.com/ Jacqueline S. Homan

      Santorum ought to be getting fitted for a straight jacket and a rubber room!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    This seems to be the standard GOP process… Dance ever closer to the edge of the abyss, then when they suddenly realize that not every person in the party is as fucked-up nuts as the most vocal members of their party, back up a few millimeters. It's like the Overton Window for lemmings.

    • BerkeleyBear

      But 20-30 years ago, it was always a calculated two step – promise, half assed execution/sudden willingness to compromise, repeat, with alternating cycles of fiscal conservative language and religious fundie language. This time they seem to be stuck trying to go full fundie and full fiscal psycho simultaneously, with both bases refusing half measures. That suggests a fundamental fuck up on the part of leadership desperate to try and retain the trappings of power despite their atrophying base.

      • UnholyMoses

        Exactly.

        The GOP is so incredibly reliant on its base that it has to pander to it. And as that base has become increasingly clinically nucking futs — first over Civil Rights, then (and still) over taxes, slashing programs that help Those Other People, keeping women as sammich-and-baby makers — they've had to move along with it.

        Then a blah got elected to the Wha House and their tiny little brains imploded in a tiny little supernova of pent up rage and animosity to anyone Not Like Them.

        The problem?

        That base is, oh, maybe 23% of the populace. Which wouldn't be an issue if more than 25% of eligible Americans bothered to vote — the numbers would eventually crush them into oblivion.

        So until that happens — until enough people step up and take advantage of their Constitutionally guaranteed rights (even in the face of GOP vote suppression efforts) — we'll continue to see how far they can push the crazy.

        I personally think it's getting close to the edge, and the base has no clue that they're the ones ready to push themselves off of it.

        • GOPCrusher

          I point that out every time someone bitches about how these crazy bastards get elected. Get off your ass and vote.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Every 2 years. And for everything below "President" on the ballot. You may find this more effective than getting pepper-sprayed at 1 Citibank Plaza or wherever the fuck.

      • sewollef

        BB: This sounds too like the wash cycle instructions on Tide for my Kenmore washing machine.

        Which is an awful lot like the GOP…. you know, mustn't mix your whites with your coloreds, etc.

  • memzilla

    The actual question is: "How soon will the Rethuglicans cross the Schwarzschild Radius of Bat S**t Crazy and be sucked into the Giant Black Hole of Whig-Party-Like Irrelevance?"

    And the answer is: "Not soon enough!"

    • UnholyMoses

      The Wingularity is near!!!!

      • Puffperney

        Excellent!

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      There is still a Whig party! http://www.modernwhig.org/

      The 1850s Whig Party disintegrated over slavery. Then reformed with elements of the anti-immigrant Know Nothings into the Republican Party. Pretty sure today's Republicans still have a solid hold on the Know Nothings.

      • sati_demise

        One of my ancestors was the last Whig in Congress- Emerson Etheridge.

        and yea, Melissa is a cousin. We all from Memphis.

      • memzilla

        The website uses the term "Whiggery." Whiggery? Serioiusly? That sounds like something they prosecute you for crossing state lines to do: "Premeditated Whiggery and Aggravated Mopery in the Second Degree."

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          They got Vanilla Ice on Premeditated Wiggery, but not Eminem or the Beastie Boys. Double Standard!!

    • Guppy

      The Whigs broke up because they weren't ideologically pure enough (particularly over slavery). In contrast, the GOP's problem is that they're trying to be too pure.

      Ironically, a better metaphor would be Eugene Debs' Socialist Party.

    • Puffperney

      Rick's misogynist blurbs have already put him past the event horizon. He's as good as gone. The party itself? I don't think so (tears form).

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Reap what you sow, people!
    Reap. What. You. Sow.

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
    (Live by the sword, die by the sword, etc.)

    • mrpuma2u

      Live by being Wall street whores, die by being wall street whores.

      • chicken_thief

        Wall Street whores are people, too, my friend.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      True dat…the day the GOP courted the religious right, they started creating this monster. Now the monster wants results.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Alt-text WIN

    Question: I see Jesus or maybe Mary but no Broseph* as usual.

    * = the Gospel of Joseph Smith's immaculate conception'd Bride of Christ via Brigham Young, or some such…

  • subsum

    Rick Savonarola has gone rogue already. You can't pull him back. It's too late.

    • Mahousu

      Even though Savonarola was a theocrat, burned books, destroyed art, and cut taxes(!) for the rich, he still couldn't make it as a Republican nowadays – he cared too much about the poor, and objected too much to corruption. Savonarola – too liberal for today's GOP.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    In the immortal words of Kent "Flounder" Dorfmann, "This is gonna be GREAT!"

  • MissTaken

    Logic, it's a sonofabitch.

    • SorosBot

      Logic? Careful there, next you'll be promoting that heathen, anti-Christian science!

    • dyedwool

      The tide comes in, and it goes out. You can't explain it. Just ask Bill O.

  • VinnyThePooh

    You won't see me stop them from diving into the rock-filled waters of stupidity.

    • Barrelhse

      Maybe we should drain the water first. You know, just in case they can't swim, bless their hearts.

      • VinnyThePooh

        Draining their gene pool would be more gratifying.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I expect their next crusade to be taking the vote away from women and colored folks. You know, to appeal to their base.

    • MissTaken

      19st be unkontitushunal1!1

    • Fare la Volpe

      Now now, they're not racist against colored folks. They just want to restore their rights to the principles laid out in the Constitution: negroes will still have 3/5ths of a vote!

      • memzilla

        And make them all ride in the back of the Moon Lander!

    • Terry

      Taking the vote away from colored folks is already occurring in the form of voter identification laws and the robo-call campaigns.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        And if this is news to anybody, resign your Intensedebate account now.

    • VaWyo

      Of course. Black people get 3/5ths and women get nothing, the way it should be. The way Jesus intended. We ladies can't be trusted with the vote for the same reason we should not be in combat, we'll get infections (says Dr. Newt) or be too emotional (says Dr.Rick).

      Any women who votes republican should be subject to intense therapy for their self-loathing problem and repeated transvaginal ultrasounds.

      • HateMachine

        What about black women? They get -3/5ths of a vote, I guess?

        • Fare la Volpe

          0 x 3/5 = 0.

  • CapnFatback

    issues they say are far removed from the workaday concerns of the independent voters Republicans need to evict Barack Obama from the White House.

    I'll take dog-whistle terms for $300, Alex.

    • HateMachine

      You have to laugh at the implication that a Nobel Prize winner and hojillionaire best-selling author could somehow not manage to pay the rent check, because get it? He's blah!

      Because otherwise we'd scream in frustration, I guess.

    • GOPCrusher

      DEMOCRATIC PLANTATION LIBEL !!1!11!

    • bagofmice

      Yeah, that was pretty loud and clear.

  • DaRooster

    “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,”
    "It is not important that we become inclusive… just that they see that we are."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, I guess "jobs" as a campaign issue has fallen right off the radar? I wonder why that is.

    • Terry

      Because it was a smokescreen topic they tossed out there in the midterm with no actual interest in the topic at all.

      • HateMachine

        And the funny part is, for once they picked out a smokescreen topic that independent voters actually gave a shit about. And now that they got a broad swathe of voters to start asking "but what about jobs/the economy?" they don't want to talk about it.

    • tlcolson

      That would be because a President or presidential candidate really has no control over jobs growth – unless its federal government employees. There's nothing to ACTUALLY talk about. (and well, the subject would require innovative thinking…. birth control is so much easier)

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      They're all actually running to be Dubya Bush's third term. Name one thing they want to do that he didn't do or try. Also, name one thing he did that was successful.

      • Carrabuda

        I hate to admit it, but: AIDS amelioration in African countries.

        El wikiP: "One of the most notable programs initiated by Bush is the PEPFAR (President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief) Program, which was a commitment of $15 billion over five years (2003–2008) from the United States to fight the global HIV/AIDS pandemic."

        • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

          I forgot about that. I'm glad he did it. And I hope it was/is successful.

  • Goonemeritus

    If it is true that seeds of every movements defeat are sown at the time of its greatest victory the modern Republican Party will need more than a Brush Hog to get out of this one.

  • HarryButtle

    Republitard Majority Leader say what, now?

    Do they not realize that the things they've said over the past several years have been recorded?

    • Wadisay

      These guys invented the 18.5 minute gap, remember?

    • GOPCrusher

      They'll just claim that they were taken out of context and blame it on the liberal media conspiracy.

  • Poindexter718

    After last night's debate, I look forward to seeing the new label the Santorum Administration requires on all birth control pill dispensers:
    "WARNING: The Archbishop General has determined that contraceptives increase the risk of pregnancy, especially among teenagers and the unwed."

    • comrad_darkness

      Most Holy Reverend Archbishop Friess recommends you use an aspirin instead.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Whats a "moderate" Republican?

    • memzilla

      The passenger pigeon of American politics: exterminated for sport, en masse, and not seen since the mid-1950s.

    • Terry

      A "moderate" Republican is a registered Independent.

    • BaldarTFlagass
    • BTWBFDIMHO

      A….Democrat?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Says "I respect women" before saying they are too stupid to make painful, personal medical decisions.

      Only wants to cut taxes to zero instead of negative taxes for billionaires.

      Doesn't call Obama a n—-r on teevee.

    • Schmannnity

      Owns fewer than 5 slaves.

    • Guppy

      The moderates are the ones that want current Texas-style executions rather than a televised auto de fe.

    • SorosBot

      They think women who get abortions should only face life imprisonment, not execution, want to just go back to segregation, not slavery, and believe Muslims should only be forced into concentration camps instead of supporting genocide.

    • chicken_thief

      They look remarkably like that guy in the White House, only less blah.

    • gullywompr

      There's one right over there, behind the thousand points of light.

    • GOPCrusher

      Zombie Reagan.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I think it's those two old bitches in the Senate from New England who hem and haw over voting for something completely fucking insane every couple of years.

    • doloras

      Barack Obama.

  • ThundercatHo

    Not inclusive? Not so. Last I heard they were letting in white men and (submissive) white women.

    • Fare la Volpe

      They let in Catholics now! See? Inclusive!

    • Terry

      They also let in white women who are willing to serve as beards.

    • SorosBot

      And they also allow a lot of gay men, as long as they're self-loathing closet cases.

      • chicken_thief

        Or Messicun web designers?

    • GOPCrusher

      Indian women that Anglicize their first name and run for Governor of South Carolina.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Jews are OK because God said He'll fuck up the nations that aren't nice to them, and He won't come back until they all have nice apartments in Tel Aviv. They are still totally going to Hell, though.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Shorter Republican insiders: "You never go full retard."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I, for one, will once again welcome our new Democratic overlords, and will hope against hope that they don't fuck it up again.

    • Barrelhse

      It's like being a Cubs fan, I suppose.

    • VaWyo

      They will because they have no backbone. But I suppose they are better. Although if they back away from birth control and abortion rights, I will no longer support them.

    • Puffperney

      "…hope they don't fuck it up again." Me too, but, sadly…. "The triumph of hope over experience."

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Even the Governor of Vagina is re-thinking the "Anti-Sanity State Rape Act of 2012." Seventh sign of the Apocolypse, people.

    • Chichikovovich

      I like his explanation of backpedaling on his vow to sign the bill. "Well, we didn't realize how intrusive some of the procedures would be". Really? Because the intrusiveness of the procedure was a matter of loud debate for weeks.

      Sorry, Gov. Forced-Birth, we're on to you, and one can only hope that even Republican women (but for those as fanatical as you, who are hopeless) get it at this point. You knew damn well how intrusive it was, as did all of your henchmen in the legislature. The reason you and your Luca Brazzi's pressed ahead despite the fact that opponents of the bill were bringing up the rapey quality of this bill is that you were pushing forward precisely because of it. That was the point. Don't play dumb now that the backlash is setting in hard.

      • EatsBabyDingos

        When he was running, he said he had moved from Pat Robertson's mindset over the last 20 years because he had three daughters. Wonder how they feel about state rape.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The problem with your posts, Chich, is that they leave nothing more to be said.
        Not that there's anything wrong with that…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "For I am the Governor OF Vag-i-na!!" Someone should write new lyrics to the tune of my favorite Todd Rundgren song:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shPb7uIf3Tg

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Damn. I hadn't thought of that song for years.

      • EatsBabyDingos

        That song should be played before every RNC debate!

  • SorosBot

    Well it sucks to be you, Republicans! Meanwhile we'll just laugh at them.

    • GOPCrusher

      HA-HA

      -Nelson Muntz

  • x111e7thst

    Clearly what we need now is a war with Iran. That will bring out the national security voters from where they have been cowering under their beds and all will be well.

    • chicken_thief

      With some healthy tax cuts for corporations and the 1% to pay for said war, of course.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Oh goody, 120 days of saccharine, patronizing truthiness about compassion again, to be followed by 120 more days of venomous, accusatory hyperbole running up to election day.

    This is new and different.

    • Guppy

      When do we get to the frogs and locusts?

    • GOPCrusher

      NEEDZ MOAR LEE GREENWOOD!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It'll be more like only 120 minutes of that first bit.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Yeah, I suspect it's over already.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Repubs Realize Racist Rascal Rollover Attempt Reversal to Retard Repulsion.

  • DaRooster

    Randy "The Macho Man" Savage is Jesus?

    "Brother!"

    • MissTaken

      TOO SOON!1!!

    • finallyhappy

      I met him at the White House Easter Egg roll during the Clinton administration. I grabbed his arm and he shook me off.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Fuck Cantor, and fuck all those people on the dais. After the teabagger revolution of 2010, these assholes got exactly what they wanted. Fuck 'em.

    • hunnybee

      my thought exactly

      • sewollef

        and mine…

        But more importantly, the teabaggers aren't going away anytime soon. At least until they've cowed every single republican into submission on their agenda of returning the United States back to 1880.

        • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

          Nah, 1880 was 17 years after the Emancipation Proclamation.

  • Fare la Volpe

    It's one of those mythical creatures you read about in fairy tales; like a unicorn, or a bisexual.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Sorry, GOP, your cry of 'green balloons' comes too late. Whiny bitches.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I hear Santorum is going to finish Kennedy's tunnel to the Vatican if he's elected.

    • Terry

      The Vatican is busy trying to refill the tunnel from their end. They have enough self-made problems without taking on Santorum.

      • Guppy

        Taking on Santorum isn't their problem.

    • LiveToServeYa

      If he succeeds, Santorum will explode into the Vatican. With comical results.

    • chicken_thief

      Santorum is surging in the bowels?!

  • Joshua Norton

    He’s just terrified because the Republicans are so full-tilt wacko this year that they’ll be lucky to keep “safe seats,” let alone a House majority.

    They’re only 45 years behind the curve. In wingnut terms, that might as well be last week.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Wingnuts measure their political evolution in geological timescales. This is ironic, because they recognize either.

    • GOPCrusher

      Completely flies in the face of the logic that led them to believe that the reason behind the defeats of 2006-2008 was that they weren't wingnutty enough.

  • Fare la Volpe

    The Republicans sure are Whigging out.

  • memzilla

    Especially the blah ones with Hispanic surnames.

  • paris biltong

    It seems to me that the Republican Party is fairly inclusive, seeing how it does not bar the mentally handicapped from membership or even higher office.

    • Chichikovovich

      Very true. Even people showing unmistakable signs of senile dementia are not only welcomed as presidents, but worshiped. Even taking the name in vain is proscribed.

  • DaSandman

    Every day I pray fervently for the Rapture so these assclowns become Jesus'e problem and the rest of us can be left to our recreational drugs, Downton Abby and in-the-street butt sex.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Man, what street do you live on?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Indiscreet Street.

  • James Michael Curley

    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through a Presidential campaign mister.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, it's worked for me to this juncture.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Newt's got two out of three.

  • Barrelhse

    Somebody lash down all those loose canons crashing around the decks and smashing everything they contact, OK?

    • Guppy

      I'm not sure if that's a typo or a delicious pun.

      • Barrelhse

        I'm VERY religious.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Me neither, but I'm gonna steal it. "Santorum's ship wrecked by loose canons."

    • hunnybee

      good one!

  • gullywompr

    Just a phase, they'll grow out of it.

    • widestanceromance

      By noon.

  • Schmannnity

    When rat face Cantor is worried after spending a year busting Boener's balls for compromise, this will be very entertaining.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I don't think those Bird's Nest Hats for Men are going to catch on.

    At least there's no bill so men can wear them backwards because they think it makes them look smarter.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,” Eric Cantor says.

    The other also-ran's are missed greatly, Eric, I too wish they were not excluded. The she-candidate, the boots-struttin' hairdo-enhanced one, the self-made-millionaire hairdo-challenged one, and the pizza-hawking one~

    Not displaced by exclusion, rather they've abandoned this cartoon collision-course to return to what they'd previously abandoned to participate in it. What you should worry about forever excluding, Cantankerous, is the simple math, which fundamentally consists of logic: how your party can have all the numbers in front of you, smudged by your inept fingers, and still prefer puzzling over them rather than going ahead and adding them up.

    • hunnybee

      Cantankerous Cantor. fabulous. am promptly stealing. good one.

  • not that Dewey

    Can we see what it looks like with Huntsman and Perry again?

    EDIT: further evidence that Politico was not having a moment of clarity:

    Gingrich back on his game
    By GINGER GIBSON | 2/23/12 8:53 AM EST
    Staying above the fray, avoiding attacks and focusing on the issues pay off for him.

    • James Michael Curley

      We are truly in trouble when The Onion reads like the New York Times.

  • iburl

    "Republicans elected historic numbers of women and minorities to high office"
    High office? You mean congress? hahahah! Historic numbers of minorities? You mean 2? hahaha!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You misread it. It's "hysterical numbers".

  • YasserArraFeck

    Looking at that pic above, what springs to mind is "WWJD……Who Would Jesus Demolish?", or the Sermon on the Mount couched as WWF trashtalking "Blessed are the Meek, 'cos they're gonna need some blessing after I bring the smackdown on their sorry meek asses!!!!"

  • chicken_thief

    “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,” Eric Cantor says.

    Causing Boehner, McConnell, Ryan and others within earshot to spew coffee everywhere in their inability to contain their laughter at Eric's latest witticism.

  • chascates

    Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Don't worry, there'll be a santorum of 'Barry Apologized to Musslinmens' in the near future.

    • hunnybee

      yep. what with the burning of the Korans in a military camp. not a good thing.

  • Schmannnity

    It's hard to depict the party of White trailer trash as exclusive.

  • Local_Mojo

    When they came for our Thin Mints, that's where they crossed the line.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    But, but, but … Fetuses! 911! Fetuses! 911! Aw fuck it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      and that equals Rethugs spewing fear and loathing 24/7

  • DaRooster

    Too little too late you dumb bastards…

  • Data Exactly

    " Uhh, was Eric Cantor replaced by a human? "

    That better be authentic Eric Cantor, or I'm drinking the wrong stuff!

  • BornInATrailer

    I'm assuming that pic is from some weird WWE promotion.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Can you smell what Santorum is cooking?"

  • prommie

    Its another Schiavo moment.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      And that leaves me really torqued.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      No need to repeat, she can't hear you.

      • Generation[redacted]

        It's okay. I can explain everything with these shiny balloons.

    • SorosBot

      So will Dr. Frist diagnose the GOP candidates as not brain dead over the video screen, even though they clearly are?

  • An_Outhouse

    "It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive". It even accepts Jews, (if they're white southern men).

    • Loaded_Pants

      And have the $$$$.

      • IceCreamEmpress

        It's called the Judah Benjamin Outreach Program, I think.

  • MissTaken

    I'm starting to feel sorry for the GOP. All they want to do is alienate a few (actually most) Americans and those same Americans don't appreciate it. It's sad really.

    Haha, who am I kidding? I LOVE it! Watching the GOP crash and burn is like watching a real life Ow My Balls. It's awesome!

    • SorosBot

      It's schadenfreuderiffic!

      • Chichikovovich

        Supercalifragilisticshadenfreudadocious!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          …Their whole wingnut clusterfuck
          Is really quite atrocious.
          People of their mental age
          Can never sound precocious!
          Supercalifragilisticshadenfreudadocious!

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Shpehdoinkle!

      (pre-Southpark Parker and Stone)

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Remember after 2008 there were couple GOP sites asking for input on how to recover from the shellacking. In our role as trolls on those sites, there were a lot of suggestions about inclusiveness, but also a lot of pushing them to double-down on the crazy. It seems that they took the latter advice.

  • James Michael Curley

    The wheel doesn't fall off the bus until all the loose wingnuts fall out.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "Uhh, was Eric Cantor replaced by a human? "

    If someone is driven to act like a human (note, I didn't say "become") by fears of political/financial catastrophe, they weren't human in the first place.

  • prommie

    Israel has the ability to decide who wins in November, by sparking something with Iran as an extra-special October Surprise. But those crazy corrupt warmongering Likudnicks would never do anything like that, thank goodness.

    • GOPCrusher

      You mean like South Ossetia?

  • Chichikovovich

    Ah, memories. It seems like only two years ago that the Republicans took the House by denouncing some picayune reduction in Medicare/Social Security (can't remember the precise details, too busy to look up) projected costs from improved efficiencies and howling it "Obama wants to Cut Social Security/Medicare seniors! Be afraid!!!!" plus they repeated "Jobs, jobs, jobs!" over and over again.

    Then when they won, they immediately started prating on about Ryan's plan to "save Medicare" (in the sense that Rome "saved" Carthage after the last Punic war), started talking about cutting taxes on the top and (ahem) raising taxes on the poor and middle class. [Speaking Republican, that is, since letting a temporary tax cut expire has been, in Republicanese, a tax increase.] And, of course, doing nothing about jobs except attaching the word "jobs" to bills that have nothing to do with jobs. (Repeal the jobs-killing health care bill, end the jobs-killing failure to name the post office in East Buttsechs Arkansas after Reagan, officially rename the White House "the Jobs-Killing House, at 1600 Job-killing Avenue, Washington, District of Job-Killing" (Washington's name was spared the renaming, out of respect for his tireless fight against slavery)…).

    Is it possible that you can only pull the bait and switch so many times before people catch on? (Especially if each time it becomes more and more egregious, being used to elect more and more lunatic, anger-management-challenged wackos?) I was beginning to despair, but maybe this time it's happening.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      BTW, have you ever revealed your academic specialty? I hope not, it could one of the great Wonkette guessing games, like where on the sepia-toned Indiana Jones map FROTHY's people came from.

      • Chichikovovich

        Raven Rant cajoled it out of me one sultry, languid candlelit Wonkette evening. I'm essentially a mathematician or theoretical computer scientist or very technical philosopher – people who do what I do end up in all of those departments in the university depending on what their other specialties and interests are – I teach mathematical logic.

        [Edi: I'm glad I'm not the only one who has found FROTHY's Rubik's Cube background hard to solve.]

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          I thought I had read that, but you also sound like a historian at times — and by that, I don't mean you've been married 3 times and want to be President.

          FROTHY has already said he's not going to tell, and based on his rather vivid imagination, I don't know if I'd want the prize for guessing right!

  • Barrelhse

    Why are those guys in the picture dressed up like the Statue of Liberty?

  • thefrontpage

    THE WHITE HOUSE
    MEDIA OFFICE
    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

    Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2012–The White House announced today that Gloria Bella Steinzug, the national president of the Girl Scouts of America (GSA), has been nominated as the U.S. Surgeon General and the Main Women's Issues Adviser to the President at the White House. "I relish this opportunity to advance important health issues and the cause of the GSA, as well as a chance to work intimately with all of the lovely, beautiful women at the White House!!!" Steinzug said in a statement. "The president is allowing me to retain my GSA post, so I'll happily continue to work to advance the progressive, intelligent and forward-thinking agenda of the GSA."

    # # #

  • VinnyThePooh

    Well, GOTP, now that you finally got past the denial, what do you plan on doing to remedy the problem?

    • yyyaz

      Easy, Vinny. These are conservatards , after all. When it has taken 32 years to even begin to see a glimmer of the error of their ways, it should be well into the next century before any remedy has been so thoroughly debated, flogged, killed, resurrected, pissed on, buried and raised from the dead again that it becomes policy.

  • Ducksworthy

    Note to Eric Cantor: One of these days they're going to notice that you're a Joo. Although another war on behalf of Israel over weapons of mass destruction may help delay that realization.

    • Chichikovovich

      A Jewish friend of mine explained her loathing of Sarah Palin to a mutual friend by saying "The Jews have learned throughout history that whenever people go around saying there are some citizens of this country who are really our fellow countrymen (women) and there are others who are not, sooner or later the Jews end up among the "not"."

      • Generation[redacted]

        Sarah Palin doesn't understand the objection. I mean, it's almost like your friend never attended Sunday school.

      • Ducksworthy

        Hmm. Perhaps Eric Cantor really is the Clayton Bigsby of American Jewry.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        They might want to mention this to Pam Geller one day at synagogue.

      • GOPCrusher

        Heh, we're Americans. We have short memories. Republiklans can't understand why Muslims get twitchy when the leader of our country uses a term like "crusade", or why the blacks can't get over slavery since they've been freed since 1865.

        • MosesInvests

          Jews get twitchy over the word "crusade", too. The "Holy Knights of the Cross" of the 1st and 2nd Crusades massacred thousands of Jews, mostly in the Rhineland, on the way to "liberating" the Holy Land. There are laments in the traditional Jewish liturgy today that date back to the First Crusade. We tend to think of Crusaders as Nazis with different-shaped crosses.

  • Eve8Apples

    So they've done their polling and came to the stunning realization that American women really don't want a bunch of old white guys seizing control of their vaginas – – Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit!

  • proudgrampa

    The Republican insanity is getting so bizarre, I actually am getting a little more optimistic about President Obama's chances in November.

    • sati_demise

      He was born under a lucky star or somethin'

  • Beowoof

    I wonder if the voters in Cantor's district will remember his qualified offer of help after the Mineral, VA earthquake. Just another example of not bringing home the bacon. (Well in Can'tor's case maybe the beef fry.
    http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/eric-cantor-no-f

  • Redhead

    Did someone finally tell Cantor that just because teabaggers WEIGH as much as three people each doesn't mean they get to vote three times?

  • Nostrildamus

    Meh. By 2014, we'll look back fondly on how moderate the 2012 GOP was.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,” Eric Cantor says.

    NOT that the GOP should be inclusive … just that voters see it.
    Thanks, Eric. We get it.

  • banana_bread

    What sort of bizarro goatee/soul path abomination is Jesus wearing? Sheesh, no wonder there's a war on Christmas.

  • sati_demise

    I dont think it is 'concern' as much as 'we looked at the polls and WTF? happened?'

    People used to like us!
    and now they don't so shut the hell up,
    whatever we were talking about until after the election.

    Just say 'booooo'. that is all.

  • mavenmaven

    In other words, to be inclusive, they will nominate Michele Bachmann for the VP slot.

  • Soylent Green

    The crazy train's been gaining momentum for 4 years now and you want to try to stop it? No effin' chance. CHOOOO-CHOOOOOOhahahahahahah!

  • chascates

    Nothing sanctifies Christ's memory like chin butt facial hair.

  • BarackMyWorld

    And why does this common reactionary cycle — one party consolidates power, other party motivates base because the Enemy has consolidated power — repeatedly get described by political pundits as evidence that “Americans like divided government”?

    Oh, Junior, stop being so smart…

  • ttommyunger

    RepubliKlans and the WingTards: like fucking a girl for five years and then finding out she was born with a dick. What to do, what to do?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      As I get older, I find myself sounding more and more like you, ttommy. Thank you for this horrifying vision of my future.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    The only minority votes they half-assed care about are Latinos, because of the population numbers. Black voters are a lost cause, and they are of course actively trying to suppress the black vote.

    • HateMachine

      Yeah, due to demographics, Latinos and women are their main attraction there. So of course these two groups are the ones that the actual GOP platform is (arguably) the most actively hostile to.

      It honest to fuck does not occur to these morons that doing things that potential voters would like is more effective than saying that people should just fucking vote for them, for no reason.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        I think they're confused because the "base" have routinely voted against their own best economic and legal interests for thirty or fifty years now. Republican pols have trouble grasping the possibility that maybe not everyone is so stupid.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Just like we can corral the Christians.

    HAHAHAHA IT'S A JOKE WE CAN'T AND WE'RE DOOMED

  • Troglodeity

    I have to question the decision to cast Patton Oswalt with Jim Caviezel in "Passion of the Christ 2."

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "…Damascus Boogaloo."

  • JimmyPete

    When you have Rush pin the tail on the Dominican Child, as your leader what do you expect

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    If both of you disappeared from the face of the earth, nobody would care.

  • WeHaveIssues

    “It’s important that voters see a Republican Party that is inclusive and is not exclusive,” Eric Cantor says. <<< Gay's too? Eric, wink, wink…

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Since most voters have very short memories and there are voters who decide who they will vote for based on the headlines election day morning, sadly, conservatives actually have a chance of ditching their image as crackpot bible-thumping racist woman-haters. (Solely for the benefit of any right-wing supporters who think being a crackpot bible-thumping racist woman-hater is actually a bad thing. I'm assuming there are some.)

  • NamelessGenXer

    Sick Rantorum.

  • poncho_pilot

    i never really understood the appeal of professional Wrestling.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Uhh, was Eric Cantor replaced by a human?

    Oh, that's just usually the last thing people say before he snatches their bodies.