FAP FAP FAP  8:00 pm February 22, 2012

Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things

by Jim Newell

He's been to Arizona like twiceIs it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker hellscape of Arizona and type some nonsense about it.

8:00 — It being a CNN debate we have to sit through a full 47 minutes of “Next Week on CSI”-type briefer montages that humiliate the country, then candidate introductions, then some shitty song called “The Star Spangled Banner” that Mitt Romney always pretends to sing. John King says welcome! We’ve got old white gun nuts inside, old white gun nuts outside, old white gun nuts on stage. It’s going to be a banner night for illegal immigrants! (All of this happens while CNN plays this hilarious loop of a fake rock song that goes like “ENNNNGGHH… badaboom… ENNNGHH…badaboom”… okay, let’s save our energy.
8:04 — Ron Paul: “I am the champion of liberty.” *drops mic* (Why is he here?)
8:06 — Mitt Romney: “I want to restore America’s promise.” Why did the crowd applaud like mad for this useless fraud line? We sense a great presence of bused-in Mormons out there.
8:08 — Newt Gingrich: I’m Newt Gingrich and I won’t buttfuck the Saudi Arabian King if I’m president. (Fortunately he won’t be president, so he’ll be able to.)
8:10 — First question from an audience lady: What will you do about the debt! SMOKE BREAK.
8:11 — Mitt Romney is talking about repealing the Davis-Bacon Act! How the hell did this get in his first response for the night? WATCH YOUR BACK, WAGNER ACT.
8:12 — Rick Santorum, who voted to raise the debt ceiling a full 900 times during his years as a nasty dumb crook in the Senate, criticizes Mitt Romney for saying he would’ve raised the debt ceiling over the summer. Why wouldn’t you let the global economy crash forever for purely arbitrary reasons, Mittens?
8:13 — Rick Santorum regrets his No Child Left Behind yes vote because it “led to education spending.”
8:15 — Mitt Romney angrily notes that Rick Santorum is giving misleading attack lines. Neat…o…. blech ugh. Let’s just share our favorite niche porn instead of watching this.
8:17 — Ron Paul just called Rick Santorum a “fake” and is now giving a brief rambling history of the last 70 years as seen through his eyes. Oh, foreign aid! Wow why did they let Ron Paul just talk for 7 days?
8:19 — Ron Paul is flapping his weird old limp wrists all up in Rick Santorum’s face without even knowing it, ha ha. He can’t move voluntarily.
8:21 — Mitt Romney, you called yourself a “severely conservative” governor at CPAC. Would you care to comment on this most comically pathetic thing anyone’s ever said? Mitt Romney is telling us that he has run a business. If you can’t balance a budget in the private sector, he tells us for the third time tonight already, then you go out of business. (If you’re in a real pickle you can just extract an extra few dozen million in fees from the American Pad & Paper Company though, without doing any actual work). Mitt Romney has worked in the private sector, he notes.
8:24 — Newt Gingrich was asked a simple question and responded that we need to completely redefine the way we think about civilization and governance and humanity. No shit, Newt.
8:26 — Rick Santorum is proudly defending the ludicrously expensive military aircraft he saved with his long history of constant earmarks.
8:27 — “You voted for the Bridge to Nowhere” says Mitt Romney to Rick Santorum. Potent! God, what a fucking fraud. (I forget which one I’m talking about, too, maybe Wolf Blitzer.)
8:28 — Oh my God.
8:29 — Oh my God all of you! The crowd is booing out of confusion, they’re all talking over each other, Mitt Romney is contrasting the Olympics with the Bridge to Nowhere, Newt Gingrich is whining about not getting speaking time. There’s no order! Chaos! Chaos, boos, fire, chemtrails, sex, murder, heat!
8:32 — Ron Paul and Rick Santorum have totally legitimate defenses of earmarks, by the way. The crowd boos, for earmarks, which have been adding a whole $0 to total federal spending for some years now.
8:35 — Mitt Romney, great hero business monster of American politics, is explaining how he got the auto bailout completely wrong. (He phrases this differently.)
8:37 — You can tell that the auto bailout did truly piss off Mitt Romney, not merely in his typical “pretend to have any emotion” way. He was morally offended that Chrysler’s secured creditors at big bank vulture funds were asked to take a loss instead of getting paid off in full during the bankruptcy process. This is the sort of thing, maybe the only thing, that genuinely disgusts Mitt Romney.
8:44 — Ooh the first commercial break… and… ***DING DING DING “DELIST MEK” AD*** Drink a bottle of lead paint.
8:46 — A birth control question! The crowd loudly boos. Mitt Romney says hey, look what you did, John King. Newt Gingrich asks why the “elite media” never asked Barack Obama ABOUT HIS SUPPORT FOR INFANTICIDE during the 2008 election. Ugh. Sadly — very sadly — your Wonkette does remember the “elite media” asking him about this completely made-up vomit smear during that campaign.
8:49 — Rick Santorum, why do you hate sex? Rick Santorum: Well I was just reading Charles Murray’s new book… He may have said something after that, but it’s already an understandable answer.
8:50 — “NO, everything’s NOT going to be fine!” — Rick Santorum
8:51 — Ron Paul is a doctor so he has heard of The Pill.
8:52 — Romney: We need to teach The Liberals that parents are a good thing. Get the kids out of their community-raised apricot dildo farms & Marxist schoolhouses already.
8:55 — A BRIEF SUMMARY OF THIS SECTION: Two-parent married households are the key to success. Why can’t poor people fucking realize this and just do it?
8:57 — Rick Santorum confesses: He has voted for a bill before. Ron Paul just shakes his head.
8:58 — Mitt Romney: Rick, I was just watching you on the YouTubes saying you hate contraception. Do you know any good cat/lego/robot YouTubes?
9:00 — Mitt Romney is poorly discussing the differences between MittensCare and ObamaCare. There are none. When is the debate over? Oh, now Mitt Romney is hitting Santorum for his endorsement of Arlen Specter in 2004. Is this really such a thing? We highly doubt that Mitt Romney in 2004 was terrified of Arlen Specter for being too liberal.
9:01 — Mittens just clapped in Rick Santorum’s face, out of awkwardness.
9:06 — Mexicans!
9:07 — Rick Perry’s in the crowd! What courage for him; we didn’t think he’d be able to watch another debate for the rest of his life. Rick stop putting tacks on your wife’s seat! Rick! (Onstage: Newt Gingrich is being a fat dick.)
9:09 — And there’s Sheriff Joe in the crowd, looking like a total creep. Mitt Romney: Would you allow the filthy Mexicans to “self-deport,” or would you capture them and make them slaves like Joe Arpaio does? Mitt Romney would have an “EZ-PASS system” so people can self-deport without sitting through toll lines. “E-VERIFY,” that’s it. Not saying anything but just saying… EZ-PASS would’ve been a much cooler immigration plan.
9:12 — Question: Why are you all racist against white Marco Rubio?
9:18 — Dumb Internet question! Define yourself in one word, NOT TWO, NOT THREE. Paul: Bwahhh, Santorum: Poopcum, Romney: Lasers, Newt: Cookies.
9:22 — Gingrich is asked whether he thinks women should be able to serve in the front lines of The Wars, responds with a warning that a major American city could be nuked at any moment.
9:24 — They all say they’d listen to the advice of military people before allowing vaginas to serve on the front lines. What if the military people are okay with it? Then… stone… female soldiers… to death? Sure.
9:25 — Oh fuck, here we go with the Iran War portion. “It’s a pressing question at the moment,” notes twatwaffle John King. Why do you say that, John?
9:27 — John King is the worst broadcaster on all of television. We never thought we’d see a television personality pushing to make the Republican presidential candidates more hawkish on Iran, but here he is, asking for their invasion blueprints.
9:30 — Rick Santorum says he has been “on the trail of Iran” for eight years and wrote a bill about it “in 2008,” just a year or two after his humiliating defeat to flat cyborg Bob Casey. Has Rick Santorum been playing pretend-Senator in his dollhouse since his loss? And if so, can we join?
9:32 — Ron Paul is doing his thing where he’s the most rational politician in the country on Iran and Middle East policy in general, and mostly getting booed. Maybe our constant talk of nuking Iran is making the Iranians defensive and hindering progress? Boo fuck off!
9:34 — Wow, these guys just have nothing to talk about. They’re criticizing Obama for not doing all the things that he’s been doing re: Iran and Syria.
9:42 — Mitt Romney brags about his record of bringing Massachusetts to #1 in national education rankings from its lowly nadir of #1.
9:44 — If any of these fine souls ever gets to be president, ever child in the country will be homeschooled. Social progress!
9:45 — Ron Paul: Uguguuguguhhh no education ever bwah BWAHHH hhehhhh.
9:50 — Ten more minutes. What does idiot John King want to ask about Iranian wars this time? “What is the biggest misconception about you” right now? THAT WE DON’T CARE, JOHN. That we don’t care.
9:51 — Ron Paul: Oh, I don’t know, probably how the entire media and political establishment and most of my party and the American people think I’m a radical fucking minarchist lunatic from Space. It’s not true, John.
9;52 — Newt Gingrich: That I’m not Jesus + Zeus combined. I am, John.
9:53 — Mitt Romney: [gives stump speech]; John King: Biggest misconception was the question, Mittens; Romney: Rot in Hell, John, [resumes stump speech].
9:54 — Rick Santorum: That I can’t win since I have no money and no one likes me because I’m a whiny, grating washed-up bore. My mommy thinks I’m cool, John.
9:56 — Hey ho whoa hey, it’s over baby! Rick Santorum just ripped Ron Paul’s arm out of its socket.

Anyway thanks for showing up, to this, the last debate liveblog (until they schedule another emergency debate about nothing). Who won? Barack Obama won! Ha ha ha, ha… man is that post-debate joke old and unfunny. Hitler won, goodnight.

 
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{ 1178 comments }

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm

THE LAST FUCKING DEBATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

RLY?

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

No, there's one in Portland, OR to come still.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Instead of having a debate with the GOP candidates, maybe they should have a debate between the billionaires who are running the show with their PAC donations.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

They could just compete by stacking up money, I mean speech. Not a bad idea!

Tundra Grifter February 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

Remember when Scrooge McDuck and Flintheart Goldgloom had a contest to see who was the world's richest duck?

They liquidated all their assets and made a huge pile of their cash and coin.

Uncle Scrooge won by a dime.

Dashboard Shmoo February 23, 2012 at 9:55 am

Too bad they couldn't use math.

Tundra Grifter February 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

DS:

Don'tcha think that would have made for a pretty boring comic?

Dashboard Shmoo February 23, 2012 at 11:43 am

Point taken

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Where are you Wonketteers? I will have to pleasure myself, with that picture of Walnuts in my head, while I wait.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Why don't you just play that video of Hopey singing last night instead.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Oh man, he is so sexy.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I figured that got you going.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Apart from the hideousness of the opposition, I will be sad if the beauty of that man is not around as much come November.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

We're here for ya, Lizzie!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Oooohh! CNN is taking viewer questions!

"Mr. Former Speaker, have you given up adultery for Lent?"

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

"Have you gotten head from your next wife yet?"

GeorgiaBurning February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

"I will – can get me a date with her?" Yeah, cheap line

arihaya February 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm

this give a new meaning for "No Meat for Friday"

MrFizzy February 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

More likely he will give up breathing

DrunkIrishman February 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Santorum will try to perform an exorcism on Romney, while Romney tries to baptize all of Santorum's dead relatives. Gingrich will just stand in the corner, back to everyone, pretending to make out with someone.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I'm so excited! They said it was the Final Four! But I never filled out my brackets…

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I'm here for you, LL.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Thanks baby.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

And we're waiting for video.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Just post your checking account and ABA numbers here, and we'll draft your account after sending you the DVD.

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

the crowd is ripe for some inappropriate applause lines

Loaded_Pants February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Haven't they all been? Remember that the earlier debates had psycho crowds applauding at the idea of people dying for no reason.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

They are treating this like the Rumble in the Jungle. The Moaner in Arizona?

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

The Horror in the Sonora?

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

The mess dirt in the desert? I need to be more drunk, I think.

GeorgiaBurning February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

The Disgrace-uh in Mesa

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Good one.

gurukalehuru February 23, 2012 at 6:37 am

The Turing Test in the Great Southwest

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Pledge of Allegiance, National Anthem, Lord's Prayer…

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Horst Wessel Lied…

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Katy Lied.

Z Crudmonger February 23, 2012 at 2:11 am

You can see it in her eyes.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

What is this, a fucking baseball game?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

BATTER UP!

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

You don't have to pray at a baseball game unless your team is down.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Baseball games are all about the welfare state! "Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks…" Buy your own, buddy!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I hit the MUTE button almost instantly. There goes the "Desensitization" theory.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

ASU Sympho Chorale doing SSB! As they say on "Will & Grace," why do they have to call it the Gay Men's Chorus? Is it gayer than the Men's Chorus?

And if you don't have an ashen schmear on your forehead, your faith is NOT TRUE!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

SRSLY, V?

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just quoting W&G, whom I watch while on the treadmill.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 2:03 am

Of course. What else could it possibly be.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Like this? Or perhaps that zabiba is not a palm torch song?

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Had to look it up. Alihu akbar!

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

White people are singing like white people.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

No ashes on the Catholistas as far as I can tell.

Although Ron Paul is kinda looking like a pile of ashes.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

This is terrible so far.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Just wait till the lightening round.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

No, there's just no way I can fap to this.

littlebigdaddy February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Well, I am sure you can fap to this: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/22/us/volunteers-o

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

That's actually rather sweet.

Now, these spotted salamanders–they are properly married in one-male, one-female Christian unions, right?

littlebigdaddy February 22, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Well it IS Mississippi, so I assume so.

DerrickWildcat February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

But Ghost Hunters is on.

BarackMyWorld February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Tomorrow's headline:
Gingrich takes break from pandering to Hispanics to pander to AZ racists.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I hate sopranos.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Woke up this morning, got myself a gun….

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Phil Leotardo, is that you?

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Nice job by the choir. Next up: preaching to the choir.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I hope Newt is all fired up and nasty .

BarackMyWorld February 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm

He has 3 settings:
-fired up
-nasty
-fired up & nasty

Nostrildamus February 23, 2012 at 1:40 am

Option 1 s/b nastier.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Jezus, you bastard, what is it with you and horrifying old-man-face close-ups?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

They're singing but, of course,the MUTE button's on so I'm just going to assume it's Deutchland, Deutchland Uber Alles!

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I'm Limeylizzie and I wouldn't vote for any of these fucktards.

memzilla February 22, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Starting to rethink the whole US Citizenship concept, L? I know I am.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Winner prediction: A hate-filled saguaro sodomizing a messican while wearing a cowboy hat and a bolo tie.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Rick flubs his first moment, awesome.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

and God is my co-pilot.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Please, please , please let there be a slap fight.

starfanglednut February 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm

A slap and tickle fight.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I'm right in the middle of Jon Lee Anderson's biography of Che Guevara, which is pretty good, so I'm not sure how long I'm going to last with this shit.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Oh okay, yeah I'll turn on the TV and sit here with you guys, why not. It's been a very hellish week but at least it's almost over, right? What? It's only WEDNESDAY? And now there's a Repug "debate" on besides? Fucking fresh hell.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I hope your week gets better.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Hi Barb — how's the lady parts? Are you healing up nicely? Haven't been around lately, need to catch up some. The week'll get better when the weekend comes.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I had a crazy day here, Tilley. I popped my incision opened and had to go and get reglued together. I don't have the balls to look at it though. I made my husband look at it and report to me what he saw, lol.

I booked a trip to Vegas for March 12th. Sin City will make me whole again.

ThundercatHo February 22, 2012 at 11:35 pm

You popped your incision? Aren't you like 2 wks out? What were you doing, waxing the car? Good grief, woman, you need to rest and heal.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 2:05 am

How's your neck doin' babe?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:07 pm

"I'm GOP bachelor number 1. I love threesomes, open marriages and long walks on the beach."

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

NEWMAN!

Donner, Party of 1 February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

My name is Rick Santorum and I want to spend the night talking about people's poopers.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I will never bow to a king and promise free gas.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I may kiss and hold hands with a few Saudi Kings, but bow? NEVER!

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Hi, I'm Newt, I'm here to grift from some idiot codger, sell books, and keep my harpy in jewels.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I love you. Yes, I'm drunk, but still.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Newt promised gas @ $2.50/GA. Pander much?

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Should be a snap, once we get Iran under control and get the wells pumping again.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Well, the Iraq War paid for itself just like Wolfowitz said it would, so why not?

BarackMyWorld February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

The President sets gas prices. It's in the Constitution.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Our forefathers were REALLY forward-thinkers.

cheetojeebus February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Simple. A can of wolf brand chilli and a lone star. Gas. Done.

Lone star: $1.08 if purchased as a 12 pack.
Chili $1.00
total $2.08

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Gilbert Fiddler?

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Gilbert Fidler from Gilbert, AZ, is he kidding?

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

It's a joke name, like Sillius Soddus, or Biggus Dickus.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

or Mittens Romney?

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

It's your world, Liz, we just live in it…

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Gilbert and Mesa are the Mormon strongholds of Phoenix. You hear the same names over and over. It's like China in that respect.

102415 February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Mesa, there is no there there. My Mom cried tears of joy when she finally managed to move from Mesa.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

You know, they're getting a HUGE LDS temple in Mesa. They claim it's going to improve property values.

NYNYNYjr February 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I wouldn't want to live next to an "LSD Temple". How could that improve property values?

arihaya February 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

not necessarily

James Carville is from Carville, Louisiana

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

That's the Seinfeld reference the millenials love

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

How are you going to reduce the debt? I'm gonna fucking lower taxes on rich people, gosh darn it.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

We need the American Dream the Mittens way…. inherit it.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

God I hate this bastidge.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Defense is 17% of the budget?

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Hengngh, you can game the shit out of that number. VA? Pensions of DoD civilians? etc…

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

"Obamacare BAD. Defense spending GOOD. When I was born, now I'm gonna be the prezdent. Fuck off Frothy, you freak.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Where are the heat-exchanger podiums? Sitting down is no fun.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Mittens looks uneasy.

Barb February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Mitt is easy, easy like Sunday morning. (spent baptizing Anne Frank's corpse)

Nostrildamus February 23, 2012 at 1:43 am

He look that way when he's alive.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

We're going to make everyone prosperous by shooting all the poors.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Fergit it Mitt, it's Arizona. They just ain't that into you.

SoBeach February 22, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I dunno. Judging from the crowd reactions — booing Santorum, wild applause for every mangled sentence from Romney — it looks like Mittens has bought himself a friendly crowd.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

"I balanced budgets as my Olympic event. "

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Oh fuck you Mitt, your business was bailed out by the government just like your banker buddies.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

So, government employees don't pay taxes? I beg to differ, asshole.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Yer all on welfare, everybody knows that. It's a conservative article of faith.

finallyhappy February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Oh shit, I paid plenty of taxes as a govt employee-still pay them on my retirement – prrobably a lot more than those mofos – on less income!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Free markets!!1!
Except for Newt who will control the price of gasoline.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Block grants to states: the easy way to eliminate federal programs.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Love how these dickwads say "When I'M president" and "During MY presidency." Like little girls playin' dress-up in Mommy's high heels and lipstick.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:17 pm

See, I usually say, "When I'M elected God of this Multiverse," but everybody knows it's just a fantasy because if that coulda happened all these assholes would *already* be dead – wut? Quit bitching?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Mittens will cut employment by 10%? Oh, it's only Federal employees! HUGE CHEER!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Yeah, because, you know, who needs the EPA, or the OMB, or the CBO, or the Library of Congress, or the DoT or the …

oh, fuck it.

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

i almost miss walnuts.

wait! no! no! i don't at all…

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I don't want to see ANYTHING that goes at the end of Rick Santorum saying "look at my…"

littlebigdaddy February 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

pathetically small and shriveled member?

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 11:24 pm

…unsavory political history and voting record?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

"Rick, You Ignorant Slut!"

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Stealing from Fakakta: "I say, let'm die!"

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Lookit Ricky smirking when Mittens wales on him.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Fucking Ricky smirks in his fucking sleep in his fucking footies.

V572 Flambé February 23, 2012 at 1:12 am

His “authenticity” is as phony as Mitt in bluejeans. He's riding the Savanarola pony and hoping it'll take him to the nomination, but underneath the sweater vest he's just an opportunistic earmarker. It's a rich Pennsylvania tradition.

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 8:34 am

“Opportunistic Earmarker”? You are being too kind; I was thinking more along the lines of “Grifting Little Cunt”, but that's just me.

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm

new mental image: Romney Drum Circle

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Circle jerk.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Santorum tries but Mittens is on game.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Did they say you can't have a gun rack on a Prius yet?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

But you can! There are photos.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I just wanted to drink.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:19 pm

That was a Volt, dood.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Li'l Ricky's facial expression is an odd cross between smarmy-smug and scared shitless.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

If you cut everyone’s taxes by 20% Mitt would be paying -5%.
Profit!

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

i bet one of these tools will blame bamz for the reporters' deaths in syria.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Oh, jeezus, The Historian is back.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm

My God is bigger than your God and I would cut out more stuff!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

OOOH, it's Newt, the highest paid fake historian in America. Let's listen…

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Take me to the Moon, Newt!! Come on!!! Say it!!!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Newt is simply revolting with that squeaky hamster-being-assfucked voice. Bullshitting about gas prices.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

As usual, Richard Adams of the Guardian is being all awesopme and stuff:

A brief flub there. "I'm here to talk about positive solutions for this country that includes everybody from the bottom up," says Rick. Yes, he said "bottom up". Snigger all you like, sniggerers.

shouldn't that be "sneegroes"?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Sknickers!

Banelm February 23, 2012 at 3:30 am

Today We Are All Sneegroes

Crank_Tango February 23, 2012 at 3:37 am

Sniggerer, please.

not that Dewey February 23, 2012 at 8:57 am

"snah"

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

History!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Man, Newt is such a bore.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm

And a cunt, don't forget cunt.

Z Crudmonger February 23, 2012 at 2:20 am

I suspect cunts have turned the corner in public opinion whereas Newt sprints gladly towards the abyss.

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 8:36 am

I'd pay to see Newt “sprint” anywhere.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Repeal the Civil Service laws!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:16 pm

NPR had a piece tonight on how a lot of American-sourced oil is being sold overseas.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Go Ron! "Because he's a fake!'

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Hideous and uncomfortable chemistry between Dr.Paul and Frothy.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

The doc's gotta step up from Robert Hall and J C Penney as his haberdashers.

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I think Dr. Paul is gonna do an emergency tracheotomy on Rick Froth with that lovely Mont Blanc (walmart knockoff) pen

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm

At this rate, he might do it with his teeth.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

"BECAUSE HE"S A FAKE!"

Too bad the ad didn't say he was an Asshole.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Which he is.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Oh, so gas will go down to $2.50 per gallon sometime in the next generation? Does Newt think he's being elected Emperor for life?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yes, I think he does.

GuyClinch February 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

The tenor of CNN's GOP debate, so far, with it's thudding synths and urgent stagecraft, makes me fearful that there might be a swimsuit segment.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Yeah, the thought of Newt's flabby, wrinkled buttcrack makes me ill too.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Go to bed, OLD MAN!

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Fuck we're already on page 2 of the comments. I'm willing to pay my click-through tax, but this is ridiculous.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

These guys aren't even trying to use real numbers. Their assholes have had so many true facts pulled out of them they must look like the Holland tunnel.

Come here a minute February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Keep your government hands off my bacon!

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Oh good, it's the insane dwarf's turn. Comic relief time.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Never a dull moment in your house, I'm guessing.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Ron Paul sounds like someone is shaking him, even though he doesn't do that Katherine Hepburn thing in real life. It's kind of impressive. And THEY ARE ALL FAKE Ron, you are right. Punch Rick in the nose for me.

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Or don't.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Cheers for nonsense.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Foreign aid is less than 4% of the federal budget!!!!!!

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

And most of it goes to countries like Israel, that give it right back to Lockheed Martin & Co.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 2:15 am

That's how *all* foreign aid is structured. Countries that receive "foreign aid" from the US are required to set aside the lion's share of funds for purchase of American corporations' products. It's the well-known secret of the foreign aid scam. I believe David Bull wrote an excellent book on how corporations like DuPont were enabled to spread their poisonous tentacles across the entire planet through the mechanism of US foreign "aid."

Z Crudmonger February 23, 2012 at 2:29 am

Not a bad idea, if it allowed for liberation vs continued colonization. Perhaps desalinization projects or other local economic liberation. Long term game etc. But, no, we/they get Xe/Boeing/Raytheon/ Jeebus.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Santorum is a conservative elitist.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

After we've eliminated foreign aid, the OTHER 99% of the budget will be a snap!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Santorum: I am the most conservative asshole in the Senate.

Yeah, I'm the youngest person in the retirement home.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Asshat, please.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Dood, what haz I done to u that u shd call me names?

Just kidding. I know you meant "conservative asshat," right? RIGHT?

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Who gave Rick a HERO award? Was that one of those Newt Gingrich 5000 dollar a trophy things? Like that strip joint got?

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Where are their ashy foreheads?

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

A bunch of fucking heathens I tell 'ya!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Oh. I think they thought the instructions said "skins."

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Up their trashy asses.

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

i am listening to a spokesman for the muslim brotherhood and he is far more adroit in his answers.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Teabaggers in a riled up base…ewwww.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Stolen from the Guardian, " It's Man on Dog versus Dog on Roof".

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

This is like listening to the Special Ed kids on the school bus.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Ricky: "I'm taking on tough issues, like Satan in Protestant churches, scary female pills and repression of Christians in America!"

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Yes. Those are the very things I've overheard from folks standing in line at the unemployment office and outside the free medical clinics.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Based on my survey of signs posted on utility poles, Ron Paul is only less popular in AZ. than whoever will tell them what airplanes are spraying .

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Ironically Ron Paul will do that too.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I haven't seen a single one in Tucson. I did see some Paulbots on the U of A campus once. They were protesting an appearance by Hillary Clinton.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I will admit that my survey involves going for beer once in a while. East Side.

GeorgiaBurning February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Considering that military spending puts about 5 to 10 billion dollars into Arizona every year, Paul might be the last guy they want in the White House.

DahBoner February 23, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Why do Ron Paul women NOT leave trails?

Because they have legs…

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Oh, yeah. When I want things done, I totally look to a riled up conservative base. They're just awesome at the movin' and the shakin'.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Just tuned in.. I see Santorum leaning back and bragging to his grandfather about his "hero award". Hero of what? Seriously… Hero of what?

DerrickWildcat February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen, please hold your applause for the most mean spirited answers. Thank you.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"Severe" is the new "Dickwad".

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

NONE OF THEM CAN BE TRUSTED!

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Yeah, let's hate the beaners now, Mitt.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Shorter debate: I'M CONSERVATIVE! I'M MORE CONSERVATIVE! I'M MORE CONSERVATIVE TIMES A MILLION! I'M MORE CONSERVATIVE TIMES INFINITY!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Embryo Farming Subsidies?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Mitt's throwing that red meat to the base, man! Let the feds come into my state and drag the illegals out!

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

So it's Frothy, eh? Before Mitt's even officially dead! OOOOOOH BURN! you beautifully vengeful name-changer.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Tee hee! Thank you, darlz! (Hugs the FakaktaSouth)

I'm having SO much fun dancing on their corpses.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Mitt Borg? Is that you?
No one ever tells me anything!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:09 pm

See, nobody reads my damn tag line. I wrote it in there. Plus I even *announced* it on the 2K-comment thread, but you were off gallivanting and missed it. Yup. It's me.

This is going to wreck Santorum. Then I'll be Mittens again.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm

State in what respect, charlie?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 2:18 am

Oh,like they care. They ain't got NO respect. Lame-ass motherfuckers shot a little kid in AZ not too long ago.

GuyClinch February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Since Santorum believes that non-procreative sex within marriage is a sin, and because his wife is pushing 52 (well past her reproductive years), we can assume his is a celibate marriage for some time now. I hope an audience member asks him for tips on how to keep a strong bond in marriage without sex, just to watch him squirm a bit.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I want someone to ask him who killed Jebus.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Juden.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

You know that’s what he believes.Not that he had much of the Jewish vote anyway…

finallyhappy February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Yes, we did it. Me personally

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Mitten Frei would be good.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I do not want to consider this cunt squirming in any way , shape or form.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Sex? We don' need no stinkin' sex! (smirks knowingly)

ifthethunderdontgetya February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Maman:

Sorry dude, Louis CK already has the term "Pig Newton" sewn up.

SAYS WHO???

I need a cite, err link, or something.
~

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

What's that on Willard's flag pin? A little picture of a dog on a car?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Sanitorium is like someone's older brother's weasely frat-house buddy. Always looks like he's up to something and you have no desire whatsoever to know what it is.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Win.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Mittens sounds very nervous.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Why is Mittens stammering and stuttering like that?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Wow. Limiting the number of homes available for orphans. Way to go, Mitt! A total win for you and especially for the childrenz.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

OK, so which one's got the Alien Reptile in his head?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

All of 'em, Katie?
(it's been a while.)

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Ding!

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I'd love it if John King sat at my table at breakfast or din-din! < 3

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

How could you eat?

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It'd be easy to if he doesn't bring up ex-wives first before we start eating. That'd be deplorable!!! :(

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Trying to lose weight?

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 3:10 am

Why?

I'd love him to sit at my table for breakfast or dinner, too…but it'd be so that I could stomp on his feet.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

How ya gonna keep 'em down on the embryo farm now that they've seen Paree?

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Excellent.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:11 pm

With pipettes and aspiration techniques?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Mittens is all over the map. The fuck? Catholic church-gay adoption-severely conservative-bankrupt business? wha?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Yah, he's kinda sounding off his game, isn't he?

BlueStateLibel February 22, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Damn, they're should be laws against putting up a blingie like that, I'm going to have nightmares all night now.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Hey Mitt. Buffet is richer than you and don't think he's a conservative.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Am I the only one trying to watch this at CNN and only getting the audio?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I have a pix.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

But you live there!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I watched it, and I'm nowhere near Jukesgrrl.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

John King asked a looooooong question. Answer something else.

Biff February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Class warfare! Disaster!

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I hope somebody has seized all of Newt's adverbs for the night.
I am stunningly tired of them, fundamentally.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Newt wants to overthrow the government?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Newt is for fundamental change….wait, what??

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Repeal the 135-year-old Civil Service laws and replace them with a "modern management system"! Tell us again, Newt! And then again!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Oops, he already forgot that idea and is on to "Jupiter Farms". What an Idea Man!

ifthethunderdontgetya February 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Reboot the Reptiloid, minions!
~

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Build the danged fence.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Fuck the danged sheriff!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Pig Newton starts off talking about the civil service sucking balls, then says "SECURE THE DANGED FENCE"

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

You don't see the connection?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

He's going to use volunteers. Give free ammo and they'd get a lot in AZ.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Oh, the racism! Work with AZ, help AZ to CONTROL the border! Less expensive!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The current government is a disaster, Newt, because you and your ideological pals have deliberately worked for oh, 30+ years to make it that way.
You Fuckstick.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Newt wants Six Sigma! Dilbert cartoons for everybody!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Newt is the Alpha and the Omega. Or some other sign of the apocalypse…

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Romney is conservatively severe

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Let me send a package to every illegal alien and then we'll know where they live!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

THE FENCE WILL BALANCE THE BUDGET BECAUSE OF MANAGEMENT!

was effectively Newton's answer.

GuyClinch February 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

As Sullivan notes, neither of the Catholics is wearing ash on their forehead today. They wear their religiosity on their sleeves, why not on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday? John King, ask! (Newt was prolly preoccupied looking forward to peanut-butter eggs)

finallyhappy February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Double coconut zitner eggs from Philly!

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

looks like Newt got his lapel pin at…wait for it…Tiffany's…

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Guns and butter! Lower taxes and less illegalz! Cheap gas!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Hmm. Have Republicans ever considered "tax cuts" as a cure for everything? #ShitDumbFucksOnCNNsay

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Let's get back to a balanced budget?

Oh, like the kind Bill Clinton had before you fuckers bulldozed the tax code?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Preach it Brother Hellbender!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Haha, EARMARK FIGHT. Mittens looks like he's holding in explosive diarrhea

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Van Gogh had a bad earmark.

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Newt says it's ridiculous that the government can't control the border. I assume by "border" he means "vagina".

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

"Your earmark is bad." "No yours is worse!" "Your earmark totally sucked!" "Well, your earmark kills babies. Yeah. Where's your comeback now, babykiller?"

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Santo is more of a hardass than Cheney, he implies.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Oh, the fucking V22 Osprey, the marine splatterer which was billions and years over budget.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:16 pm

How come every single commenter here *knows* this, but this almighty buncha fuckwits, the moderator, and the audience of morons appears NOT to? We couldn't *all* have dreamed it up. Are we being tested in a secret lab somewhere to see how much we *will* believe?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 23, 2012 at 12:18 am

Even fucking Cheney tried to kill the Osprey, and fuck knows he loves anything to do with death-dealing.

Frothmeister made it sound like the poxy Osprey won the war in Afghanistan single handedly, never mind that war is a draw at best.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 3:18 am

These people are about to drive me stark raving mad. I begin to doubt my grip on reality after listening to them blather away about completely made-up shit like this. Jesus, man, they are so fucking WRONG to the nth degree of wrongitude.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 23, 2012 at 3:29 am

Copying from bloody Yahoo of all places:

GINGRICH: "It is utterly stupid to say that the United States government can't control the border. It is a failure of will. It's a failure of enforcement."

THE FACTS: A failure of will or enforcement is difficult to see in the statistics. Starting under the Bush administration, the ranks of the Border Patrol have risen to more than 21,400 agents, a force augmented by National Guard troops, unmanned aerial vehicles and fencing. A record 396,609 illegal immigrants were deported last year.

In the budget year that ended in September, border agents arrested the fewest illegal border crossers — 327,577 — in nearly four decades. That's considered a sign that fewer people are trying to cross, whether because doing so is riskier or because economic opportunity in the U.S. is less than before.

The debate presses on about whether the border is becoming secure enough, but there has been a measure of success and substantial effort.

—-

Reality comes into it not at all. What drives me crazy is that people don't have the fucking capacity to work out this is blatant bullshit.

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Romney: bailout for auto industry = bad / bailout for games that judge who can shoot things while skiing = good

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Santorum: Poor little Osprey! I'll nurse you and make you better from that mean ol' Bush…

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:44 am

Urgh. When my friend's two daughters were still quite young and breast-feeding, the older one turned to her mother one day and said, "Mom, I'm glad Daddy can't breast-feed us." To which, Mom, who was probably tired of tandem feedings, replied "Why?" a little acidly. The kid looks over at my poor friend who's turning nine different shades of red, and says, "Ew, too hairy."

Thanks to you, I'm now entertaining that image. Except with Santorum.

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

These candidates are what happens when Satan punishes America.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

The V-22 Osprey? That's what you're got, Ricky? How over budget and fucked-up was that program? Jeeezes!

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Plus it kills more Marines than the Taliban.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

fuck yeah

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

You know? There are no words.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

FROTHY?!?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Wut?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Ooh, Santo just made a wonky speech and the puglies are booing. NO EAHMAHKS EVAH!!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Romney shoots, scores, the morons go wild.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

The Olympics are corrupt, easy money you fucking shill.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Osprey?
I don't think that worked out so well.

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

They work well when they aren't crashing, you just have to replace the eyes of everyone in the landing zone every 6 months due to the sandblasting.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Why don't *they* know this?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Bridge to the Olympics?

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm

That's all I can handle. This is like watching 4 late-night TV ad used car salesman whoring themselves for my attention.

♫ If you're looking for a better set of wheels
I will stand upon my head to beat all deals!
I will stand upon my head
Till my ears are turning red!!
Go see Cal! Go see Cal! Go see Cal! ♫

See y'all tomorrow.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Coward! Take it like White House page!

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Nah. Me and Che are gonna go kick Batista's ass, take over Cuba, and have a couple mojitos.

Nothingisamiss February 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I know all the verses to that lil' ditty.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

When will these people learn THERE IS NO EQUIVOCATION EVER for Rs. NONE. No reasonable degrees, no sometimes things happen, no nothing. BLACK AND WHITE, but really only white. I dig Rick gettin' booed. Eaarrrmmmaaarrkkkss…wolf calls, boos. Idiots.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Yay, earmark fight!

Whoa, frothy is feisty tonight!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:07 pm

You rang?

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

RICKY!!! you got some 'splainin to do!

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I wish they'd stop talking about this "Bridge to Nowhere." Yes, it did take awhile until it hooked up with other highways, but now it's one of the most important roads in Pittsburgh. It takes you over the Allegheny to go to Heinz Field, PNC Park, the Andy Warhol Museum, the Science Museum, etc., etc. That's not nowhere.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

You told people I lured children into my gingerbread house!

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

So much sexxy talk. Earmarks. Line-item veto. Ooooo. Talk dirrty, dirrty state windfalls to me.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Even an ear piercing artist is bored with this earmark crap.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"Now, when I was Speaker…" zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Putting the z's in crazy.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Imagine how many times Callista has to hear sentences that start that way.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

I'm not criticizin', I'm not criticizin'

and the Ronulans are totally losing it because the moderator WOULDN'T LET PAUL SPEAK!!! Jesus, what a bunch of turds.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Bill Clinton signed a line-item veto, you ninnies…and the Supremes struck it down. But yeah, we should TOTES pass it all over again.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

DO. NOT. want Newt imposing things on me. GAG.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

You got me.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Ricky Dicky falling from grace?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Newt explains earmarks in the form of small children fighting over who got the biggest pop tart.

Here's elderly racist Ronald Paulus, this should be fun.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I was under the impression that having Federal money appropriated to their respective states is one of the most important jobs of Congressional reps. If they don't do it, they are usually fired by The People.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I love listening to these assholes arguing about why earmarks aren't pork, when it is the one and only thing they are, and that they undermine rational programming and spending of Federal $.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

It's only pork if it's in somebody else's skillet.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I will vote for anyone who promises to prosecute Newt Gingrich for Crimes Against the English Language.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Paul looks like he's found a better eyebrow glue.

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

MEK, no doubt.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

OMG, they mentioned Bush!

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Yes, I noticed that … the presidency of which they dare not speak its name … for so many good reasons

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:16 pm

African or European?

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Real Arizonans are minding their Meth labs right now, thank you very much.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I oppose government coming in, except in lowering gas prices and subsidizing the Olympics.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

He'll lower gas prices through the Free Market, by making it be Freeer!!!!

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Rick says he opposed both bailouts. So what he'd say to an autoworker who kept is job is, "Fuck you, asshole. I've got mine."

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Ah, Rick Santorum alienates Michigan.

SAY WHY BUSH WAS WRONG, YOU FUCKWIT

Rick, Rick, Rick – do you have any idea what would have happened if the banks had collapsed? *Any* idea? Dipfuck.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"You auto workers do not deserve jobs. We shouldn't have bailed you guys out. It's a complete affront to justice, angels and Jesus himself that the bailout worked. Quit your jobs immediately."

finallyhappy February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Not watching tv- trying to use this borrowed iPad . I don't think I want to spend whatever these things cost. Maybe I'll just steal one next time I am on metro.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

But it is OK to bailout defense contractors!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I sure wish we'd had a proper Depression.

Just think what it would have done for folk music, for instance.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

This audience is packed with Ronulans. Neither RMONEY nor Santo are getting much applause.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I always thought that a "circle jerk" was an apocryphal term, or an urban legend, or a punk band from L.A. I never would have guessed they are a real phenomenon.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Ricky: Government bailouts work, they saved jobs and companies and whole regional economies and prevented a depression but they suck because I don't like them and they don't fit in my ideological box. So there.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Mitt sounds like the prison warden in Alien 3: "This is rumor control. Here are the facts!"

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Bain managed the bankruptcies of a shit-load of companies!

marinmaven February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

All of these guys are flailing except the crazy old guy. The GOP is winning but in a little tragi-comic Charlie Sheen-esque way.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Hello. I stopped by briefly because the old man pisses and moans when I watch this shit with him in the room. Have I missed anything good? Shit. Mittens fucking hates auto workers, doesn't he? Fuck them and their cushy pensions.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Has he drank the GOP Kool-aid?

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

The sound of one hand clapping for Frothy. Mittens pushing managed hari kari.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Ah crap Willard, you got called on this bullshit by fucking Bob Lutz just the other day.

That's right Willard. Blame the unions. It must have been the unions.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Uh-oh. Rmoney just compared himself to President Bush. There's a selling point!

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Romney just mentioned "President Bush". I think that's the first time he's been mentioned by any Repubican in 4-5 years.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm

For so many reasons.

Hey, just occurred to me — wonder who Shrubya, the Elder Statesman (guffaw guffaw snort) will endorse? Talk about yer kiss o' death.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I'm sure he's already been paid to keep his piehole shut.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Rmoney snaps Frothy!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Bankruptcy for the Auto Industry! Say goodnight to Michigan, Mittens!

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Why does he keep throwing good money after bad on this topic?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I think his program is stuck in a logic loop.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I fucking hope so. I'm so tempted to change BACK to Mittenz!

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Mitt says voting for the airline bailout after 9/11 was okay, because he (occasionally) flies on airlines. But his cars are made in Stuttgart and his money's safe in the Caymans.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Hey Romney guess what. The gov't loans SAVED GM and Chrysler you FUCKING IDIOT.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Hello. I stopped by briefly because the old man pisses and moans when I watch this shit with him in the room. Have I missed anything good? Shit. Mittens fucking hates auto workers

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Same old, same old. Only the air is dryer.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Definitely a few Mormons bused down to the U of A campus.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Debate isn't at U of A, which is in Tucson. The debate is at the Mesa Arts Center. Mesa is the epicenter of conservative politics in AZ.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Ah, you're right. I thought they were in Tucson.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

UNIONS — drink.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

These bastards are toast in the Great Lakes.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Gov. Snyder is closer to the fire than these fucks and he says the auto bail out worked. Who the fuck is advising these morons?

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

The Great Lakes, the little lakes that dot the countryside, ohhh, and the tree's.

Hopey is crushing them in MI and WI right now.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Huh, apparently the UAW owns General Motors now. Who knew?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

The fuck kind of pretzel logic is Sanitorium shoveling out there now? "On principle I oppose bailouts, so therefore because the one Obama supported with the auto industry and saved autoworkers jobs was successful I win and Mitt doesn't because he supported it"? Then he sits there making faces at Mittens' responses like he's Chevy Chase on SNL Weekend Update?? huh?

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Gave money to UAW?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratuitous World February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

The evil UAW with their wage cuts and pension concessions

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

That King guy is fucking useless. Follow up question, motherfucker.

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

B M Dubya.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

"Giving" companies to the UAW? Then why did the UAW cut their own wages and benefits so much? That doesn't make any sense, since they own the industry.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

It's the AMERICAN auto companies who fell on their asses.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I love how they blame the mess on the auto workers.

Deportably_Jose February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Newt Gingrich: the parts of the American Auto Industry that consists entirely of foreign automotive companies was doing fantastic! So clearly there was no problem.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Who just did that creepy laugh while Newt was talking?

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Mittens has nailed that creepy laugh. He does it while he's being compared to pig shit, to show what a cool, aloof patrician he truly is. Does it sound condescending to you? It sure does to me.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Newt: Pay off the Unions and now chrysler is now Fiat.

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Apparently the UAW is Satan.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Man, I wish the UAW was as powerful as they say it is. The UAW hasn't been a muscular organization in decades. Yes, poor "world's largest automaker" GM being bullied by the UAW.

Fucking clueless, the lot of them.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

This is not endearing them to organized labor, is it? I may not be able to stick this out any time at all. No wonder the old man hates it so much.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Yeah, I bailed after 1 minute. Watching American Idol reject no-talent losers now. Wait, did I change the channel?

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Good, guys. Keep slamming the UAW. Obama won't even have to bother campaigning in Michigan.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Barry is leading in polls against Mittens by l8 points as of tofuckingnite.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Hey, Mitt: How many times did your new buddy Donald Trump go bankrupt, heghng?

Biff February 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Good bailouts: good. Bad bailouts: bad. Got it, Ron Paul.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Mittster.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I thought so. Christ, he sounded like the bad guy in a Scooby-Doo cartoon. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling union auto workers!"

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Paul: "Extremism in the Defense of Liberty is no Vice!"

Wait, what?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Ron Paul sounds a little like Tim Leary.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Timothy Leary's Dead.

No, he's outside.

BaldarTFlagass February 23, 2012 at 9:31 am

Legend of a Mindless?

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Actually, he looks more than a little like him, too; especially since he's dead and all….

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Browns and Jeebus coming up!!!!

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Oh thank heavens. A break. Time to reload teh alkeehol.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Next up: some tough questions by Lucifer Himself.

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

What is that horrible bumper music going into the commercial break?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"It's the End of the World As We Know It and I Feel Fine"

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

OK, so I'm shouting "You fucking LIAR!!" at Mitt here, what with his COMPLETE FUCKING LIES ABOUT THE AUTO BAILOUT, and Kid Zoom says to me, "You know, Dad, what this debate is for you? It's anger porn."

And on that note, it seems to me that maybe I maybe should not stay for the whole thing…

Oh, shit, but the "war on religion" idiocy is up next…

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Nobody's a hero to their own kids. And man, can they ever call you on your shit.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

COAL = JERBS

sponsored by the people who sell you coal

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

CLEAN COAL = CLEAN JERBS

Sponsored by unicorns.

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

There was a fetus in there for some reason, is it going to die of mercury poisoning in it's West Virginia holler?

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I'm voting for the one that says "liberty" the most times.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I'm not drinking for this one. I very much regret that decision now.

The War on Religion will set me over the edge. I just know it.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I'm with you because I'm working. These debates are a *lot* less fun without booze.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm

At least we all have each other. Misery Loves Company.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I would go so far as to suggest that these debates are not safe for intelligent human consumption without booze.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Still waiting for the "So, are you guys in favor of vaginal probes for Jeezuz?" question.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I have a feeling that'd be the ONLY kind of vaginal probe this bunch would favor.

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

dingos ate my baby!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, ….

V572 Flambé February 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Adiós, mis amigos. The Italian princess went to Costco today and I must head over to her villa for dinner.

And I believe in birth control.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

BOOOOOO Birth Control

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Wait, they're booing the fucking *question*?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

They are indeed booing the question.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

And now, Round 2:

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Pfft – Ron Paul's not a contender…

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Birth control! BOOOOO!!

*Smashes head on desk*

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:53 am

CRE? CRE? Speak to me, baby!

(Slaps the CREature lightly)

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

The crowd is booing birth control or the discussion of it?

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Not big fans of sexytime.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Yes.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Why Boo? Fuck these guys. Yes, who believes in birth control?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

BOOOOOOO!

We ALL believe in birth control!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Seeing them saying let Detroit go bankrupt juxtaposed against their total moral bankruptcy is just an amazing sight.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

YAY MANGLED ABORTED FETUS CARE IS A-OK BUT OLDS CAN SUCK IT AND DIE

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Legalizing INFANTICIDE??????

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Yes. "Infanticide" is the wingnuts' latest Orwellian descriptor for "abortion." Because to them, any abortion = murdering a baby. Yeah whoa let's hear it for the Babykillers!

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Obama legalized infanticide? Fuck you Newt.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I think it was sometime around when he codified Sharia law and made Rev. Wright head of HHS.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Infanticide??? I'd like to commit Republicide.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Mittencide would be good too.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Newticide also.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Who wouldn't!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Mitt: we haven't seen an attack on religion like this since they took our polygamy away.

Biff February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

But I think they admitted the Coloreds to the priesthood willingly

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Yeah, amazingly their "prophet" got the word straight to his ear from gawd to let them join up just as the NCAA was about to kick their dumb asses out of big-time college sports for discrimination.

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

They're all for religious tolerance. Except when mosques are involved.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

"Leagalizing Infanticide?" It's just started!

How many lies will they be able to shoehorn into this segment?

Ooh, let's find out!

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Seriously, and fucking hell, why isn't the "moderator" calling these shitbags on their shit??

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Newt's fat marshmallow head decided not to charge John King's mound tonight? Pussy.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Look how they light up when they start talking about social issues.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

LIE LIE LIE. No morning after pill you cocksucking lying pos. What does that say about your position, IF YOU HAVE TO LIE?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:24 pm

That they're liars?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Mitt, Catholics were considered worse than anything in the early days of the Republic! And Jews too!

under_score February 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Oh, yey, I tuned in *just* in time for the crazy. Barack Obama is the extremist. Got it.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

And there are 6 fucking Catholics on the Supreme Court.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

King asks "Who is for birth control."
They all answer: Barack Obama kills babies and then eats them.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

And Mittens the right of freedom from religion.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Freedom Of Religion. To reach into your life and make you behave, you deviated preverts!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

You are not Charles Murray!

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Teen preggos have gone down asshole. ASSSHOLE LYING ASSHOLE lies. Rick you suck.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

So, I take it the purpose of this abortion/birth control discussion is because it's the ONLY example they could come up with to illustrate that Obama is against religious tolerance??

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

That and the fact that he is an atheist Muslim secularist.

bikerlaureate February 23, 2012 at 12:10 am

And a soshulistic fascist. Don't forget that.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Teens who are sexually active! Children being born out of wedlock! Cats and dogs living together! DRUGS!

Get fucking Bristle Palin on the phone, rickster.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Right Santorum. It's super sad when kids are born out of wedlock, so OBVIOUSLY birth control is a BAD IDEA!!!!

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Exactly. Perfect summation of why the Rethugs are simply WRONG about everything, everyTHING.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 11:40 pm

As an actual bastard, I don't really have a problem with out of wedlock births.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:58 am

How could ANYbody have a problem with the actual *births* themselves? Kids don't ask to be born.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Teens are having SEX? When did that start?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:59 am

Apparently, just since Obama became President. The fact that Newt was schtupping his HS math teacher all the way through HS doesn't count.

Z Crudmonger February 23, 2012 at 2:54 am

It starts today. Line starts here. (I'm watching the recast following ya'all 6hrs back, humour me.)

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Oh fucking hell a bunch of male shitbag conservatives sittin' 'round talkin' 'bout The Church and Birth Control. Just fucking die already.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Wait, so, Rick talking about some bullshit he can't control will fix everything?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Women's hoo-haas are the very backbone (so to speak) of our nation!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

They appeal to the base.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

chascates 2012 ??? That could be successful on the stump.

weej_bain February 22, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Frothy, the children raising children are part of the core of your power base. Fucking douche!!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

So, you want to combat teenage pregency by outlawing abortion and birth control?

Winning!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Brilliant sir, brilliant.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

That's where the magic undies come in. Add purity rings and … presto … morality!

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:00 am

Well, except for that part where your Dad is schtupping you on the side, and gives you in marriage to some buddy of his that's 100 years old, and stuff.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I want Ron Paul out of my vagina.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I never want Santorum in my bunghole.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Brain bleach! Brain bleach!

Nothingisamiss February 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm

There's a cream you can buy….

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

They don't want the government involved in anything but YOUR SEX LIFE!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Horseshit, Ricky. You want to wield both Religion and Government like a club to beat everyone and everything you don't like or makes you uneasy.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

What the fuck is Rick Santorum talking about? God I want to beat him with a two-by-four.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Get in line.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

On a positive note, Ron Paul's fake eyebrows look stunning tonight.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Guns don't kill People, Birth Control Pills Kill peop….What?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Pills don't kill people. Doctors kill people!

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:28 pm

And, pills.

DerrickWildcat February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Ok you kids, don't be fucking.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:02 am

Hey, it works like a charm, every time I tell 'em that.

DerrickWildcat February 23, 2012 at 1:17 am

Are you a Teacher?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Are you fucking kidding me? I have the patience of a piranha with its tail on fire. Any child who had to suffer me as a teacher would need a fucking lifetime of therapy.

Of course, I'd be in jail myself on multiple charges of assault, battery, and mayhem, but, you know, that's to be expected.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

No, liberals don't get upset when abstinence is taught. It's when *only* abstinence is taught that people get REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF BECAUSE IT'S STUPID

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Pissing off libruls = a universe of win.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Weird. I know a lot of women who had kids out of wedlock and both child and mother are doing just fine, thank you.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

They also never seem to talk about healthy two-parent household where the couple just simply never got formally married.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

And what about the two-parent households where the partners aren't ALLOWED to get married.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:03 am

Oh, but those are wrong and agin' gawd and stuff.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:03 am

Those things don't EXIST. Only those BLAH people do that stuff, and it is disgusting and just plain wrong. They need to do like Newt, and just keep divorcing the wives as they get sick and marrying new ones.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Mitt's attackin' the blahs for all those out-of-wedlock babbyz.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm
Tilley February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

oh how touching all of a sudden, this concern for teen pregnancies, i.e., women having any say-so about their icky vaginas. Just fucking die, and that includes you, Mr. Useless Moderator Man.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

John King really is a pointless, wishy-washy oxygen-thief.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Mittens totally skipped answering whether he supported the rights to contraception, did he? John King let him slide on that one.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

He's letting them get away with a lot of bullshit. I'd love to hear him say “answer the question please”.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Liberals go crazy when conservatives want to teach abstinence in school? No, we go crazy when you ONLY want to teach abstinence in school. Teach abstinence all you want, but teach about birth control and STIs, too.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Today we are all teenagers fucking like bunny rabbits.

under_score February 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Oh my ass, Massachusetts would not let Catholics put children in a home with a mom and a dad. NICE spin there, asshole

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Yes Newt, when the military is centralized you move towards tyranny.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:05 am

I can't wait for him to explain the terrible tyranny of the, you know, soshulist Swedes and Danes and Norwegians and Canadians and … so forth.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I love it when Dr. Paul looks at Gingrich like he's a complete loon, even as the words, "Paul is right" are coming out of his mouth.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

The abyss?????

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

"Coercion of the State" Newt? Sort of like getting an Involuntary Mandatory Intravaginal probe? Kind on like that?

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Gingrich says we're facing an abyss. I felt that every day after Dubya was appointed.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

"Morning After" pills should be given out freely in those "ethic" neighborhoods. Then these douches wouldn't have to worry about the negroes reproducing.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Oh, now it's about women's hormones!

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Don't you worry about Women's Hormones. That's a war we can WIN!

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

You rang?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I'm the guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

For anyone under any illusions that Ron Paul isn't fucking crazy, disabuse yourselves, now.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

And yet on the subject of legislating "morality" he still makes more sense than Frothy.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

They're getting all PP'd up.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

ha ha, you said pee-pee. Yes, my brain is melting.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

In proper Palinese, it's "wee-weed up".

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Ron Paul making frothy look like a mug is pleasing.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

When y'all have time to read it after this clusterfuck, check out Garry Wills' article in the NYRB:

The bishops’ opposition to contraception is not an argument for a “conscience exemption.” It is a way of imposing Catholic requirements on non-Catholics. This is religious dictatorship, not religious freedom.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Spot on.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

So if you had free birth control Planned Parenthood wouldn't get the money to abort babies?

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Some people are just never happy.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Yes, it's all basically the same. I have an abortion EVERY FUCKING DAY. You will get these pee-ulls when you pull em out of my cold dead twat, you nasty old white men no one wants to fuck anyway.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:34 pm

My dear girl, I think this is the best comment I have ever read anywhere.

EdFlintstone February 22, 2012 at 8:57 pm

John King is to moderating what your substitute teacher was to learning.

under_score February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

abstinence only does NOT work. But title 20 must be twice as good as title 10, so there is that

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

If funds are Fungible, Ronzo, then defund all the fucking churches businesses. I'm tired of my tax dollars going to nefarious indoctrinations and lobbying towards Prop 8

chascates February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Well, Title Thirty will remove children's genitalia at birth and that will end all of this!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Wait, abstinence only education works, Santorum?

"During President Bush's tenure as governor of Texas from 1995 to 2000, for instance, with abstinence-only programs in place, the state ranked last in the nation in the decline of teen birth rates among 15- to 17-year-old females. Overall, the teen pregnancy rate in Texas was exceeded by only four other states. "

under_score February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Word.

signed…someone from the STD capital of Texas, where we have (yep) abstinence-only sex ed in our schools

marinmaven February 22, 2012 at 11:42 pm

In 1997, only 10 million dollars were spent on abstinence only as part of the Welfare Reform Act. In 2007, the Republican-controlled congress allotted 176 million for abstinence only programs and the Bush Administration wanted 191 million for 2008.

Studies showed that that such programs have no effect on teenage abstinence or sexual behavior. An earlier study on abstinence only programs showed that participants delayed sexual behavior on average of 18 months and that when they do started sexual relations, they do not use any protection opening themselves and their partners to pregnancy and STDs.

It got so bad that states were coming out and refusing the abstinence only funding.
Santorum wrong? I am shocked!

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Well, you see, if people actually WERE abstinent, then of course it would work. So clearly, abstinence-only sex ed could, in theory, work.

Just like "don't get cancer, please" healthcare could work if only people's cells would behave a little bit, goddammit.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:09 am

I really really really wish someone would correlate the child abuse reports with the teenage pregnancy reports. Because it's well-known among people who work with young women that those "children having children" are peculiarly ill-equipped for the task of *parenting* those children, since they themselves are still developing the enormous funds of patience and attention that every parent needs.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

These abstinence programs that "actually work"–where are they, please?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

DATA? We the Republicans! WE don't need No ESTEENKING Data!

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Yes Rick, abstinence programs work much better than contraceptives with teens. You fuckin unbelievable dipshit.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Counter punch, Rick. Call him on his own flip flopping.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IF YOU WANT TO REDUCE ABORTIONS, THEN MAKE CONTRACEPTION READILY AVAILABLE!!!!!!

PEOPLE LIKE TO FUCK. THIS IS GOING TO REMAIN A FACT NO MATTER WHO IS PRESIDENT.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Case in point, I would like to fuck someone right now!

BaldarTFlagass February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Fuck YOU!!! AHAHAHA!!

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

And no matter how many (fucking) people inhabit the planet.

snoopyfan2010 February 22, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Wrong. Clinton had it right. You reduce abortions by improving social programs that assist with infant care and employment.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:13 am

When I was growing up, teenage pregnancies were a problem. Then the government started distributing birth control at very low cost, including making abortion available on demand. They included education programs to teach young people how to avoid STDs and use contraception. In this day and age, when women make enough money to support themselves and their children, it is nobody's business whether they choose to have those children before, after, during, or without the benefit of a, marriage. It only becomes a social issue when society must pay the cost of supporting such children.

snoopyfan2010 February 23, 2012 at 10:54 am

Frothy, you must be a male unit because you actually women are paid enough to be independent. Sorry but when I see a Wanda Buffet rolling in the dough, then I will buy that it isn't a social issue. But it is. And Clinton was right, also.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Snoopyfan, if you are a software engineer, a lawyer, a CEO, or even a woman with a head for figures, you can make an awful lot of money. Gina Rinehart (although she inherited a good bit of family wealth) is probably the richest person in the world right now, and although Carly Fiorina is a complete tit, as is Meg Witless, both of them were making easily a hundred times more than most men. While it's still true that the average man makes more money than the average woman, we're not living in the era of MY childhood, when women were not expected to show their faces outside their homes unless chaperoned by a father, brother, or a score of duennas. My sister is a businesswoman who makes WAY more than me and always has, and I don't begrudge her that. It might have been a social issue once, but times are changing, and I do not believe that the old gender lines are as powerfully suppressive as they have, historically, been.

JustPixelz February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Abstinence! More laws about lady parts.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

RICK SANTORUM COMPROMISED WITH THE OTHER 534 LEGISLATORS IN CONGRESS! BURN HIM!!!!

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I DEMAND proof.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

The GOP hates everything I like. Sen. Frothy is getting his ass kicked by the audience, isn't he? Did the LDS bus in the attendees?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

They didn't have to bus them in. The town of Mesa has a huge number of Mormons.

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Second only to Salt Lake City.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

It's a good thing we have all these rich white men up here onstage to hold forth on Women's reproductive biology.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

They ARE aware that women still have the right to vote, aren't they? Or is that something they plan on fixing in 2012?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I wouldn't put it past 'em. Biological Voting Tests for all!

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 11:23 pm

After all, we apparently can't control our hormones, and if we turned up at the voting booths, men would just want to rape us too much.

C_R_Eature February 23, 2012 at 5:35 am

It's probably time to institute the Burka Rule. Just for safety's sake.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Look, it's about Fraud Prevention. Women lie. Especially in the voting booth.

C_R_Eature February 23, 2012 at 5:41 am

If only Women could be trusted to do what Men tell them to do…

True story: I was waiting in line to vote – I think for Clinton's presidential election run – in a town in one of the redder counties of Maryland. Nice old retired white couple behind me, conservatively dressed. Husband, helpfully explaining to Wife: "All you need to do is look at the Republican side of the card and vote straight down the line." I caught her eye when he wasn't looking and her expression was like "yeah, right – no fucking way." And she grinned.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I'd worry, ladies.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Wow, Frothy's not so popular with the Arizona tards. Stumbling all around, gettin' all booed. haw haw haw!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

A study just came out from Beck University that said birth control pills make the Saints cry!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Santorum: "You did Romneycare!"

Willard: "Santorum is a dick. Also, no I didn't because my bill was shorter."

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE: You must provide auto health insurance.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

In their attempt to out-pander to the religious right, I would like to think that these fuckheads are guaranteeing Mr. Obama's reelection.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 10:42 pm

That's really the only reason we even consider tuning in to these laff-fest horror shows, isn't it? To reinforce to ourselves the deeply private joy we have in our understanding of the lock Barry's got on a second term?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I think so, yes.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

What do you call teens who practice abstinence?

ShaveTheWhales February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Parents?

(Too easy)

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Ha! Well played.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Say goodnight Gracie.

ShaveTheWhales February 22, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Goodnight, Gracie.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Screwed.

Barrelhse February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Liars.

102415 February 22, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Unhappy.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 11:56 pm

future idiot supporters of abstinence-only sex ed, because clearly they are INCAPABLE OF EVER LEARNING A SINGLE GODDAMN THING, LARGELY BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS!

bikerlaureate February 23, 2012 at 12:28 am

Imaginary.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Okay, here's how to look at this thing: Which one of these jagoffs do we most want to see win this nomination thing and then get his ass kicked real good by Obammy? I almost hope it's Pig Newton®, just because he deserves it the most richly.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

If it weren't too late to change my registration, I'd register as a Republithug just to fuck with their elections and say rude things to the nut jobs who called me because they thought I was one of them. It's not like being a D makes any diff in OK except on the General Election, if you can even say that makes a difference in this Bible Belt Community.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Republicans never let the truth get in the way of a bad story.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Oh, snap! Shit just got real.

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Man, this thing is worse than high school debates I used to have to sit through, in high school.

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Want a fish, Romney? Want a beach ball on your nose now? Arf! Arf!

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Orp!11! Orp!!!1

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Gorsh, we must spend as much money on Planned Parenthood as on "defense". #WhiteKnuckleWingnutRide

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm

OMG! Romney used government money to provide health insurance! He's a witch. Burrrrrrn him!

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Ooooo, good Dukakis reference by Pope Frothy.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:03 pm

So there, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback, Mr. Wheelchair General!

Barrelhse February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Where were YOU in 1776?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

They didn't worry about illegals in 1776! No.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:16 am

They just gave 'em aspirins to hold between their knees.

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Wow…Rick Santorum is acting like a Bond villain.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Santorum: I supported Arlen because politics.

What a great message.

under_score February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Arlen Spector's ears must be ringing.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:17 am

He's in chemo. They're burning.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Santorum:" How do you make a Hormone?"

Newt: "Tell her all you have is American Express!"

Tilley February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Hell-oooo! Moderator? Anyone? Has John King or whoever just wandered off, out of boredom, or irrelevancy, or out of sheer pussyhood in losing control of this mess?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

These nerds certainly get themselves tied up with minutia, don't they?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Now it's like the panic scene in Airplane.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Bwahahaha!!!

SHOUTY SHOUTY SHOUT I CAN'T HEAR YOU

Nice fucking tie, Gary Lott. Dick. "Who will protect me from Messicans?" he asks.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

What about Arizona's NORTHERN border? Huh, what about THAT?

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Those damned Mormons sneaking across from Utah with all those damned anchor babies and anchor wives.

Secure the danged canyon!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Southern Utah has all those crazy polygamist Mormons.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Time to ride in there at the head of a posse and clean out all those babyrapers. You know those fuckers have an incredible history of brutalizing their own children, right? They kick out the young boys as soon as they hit puberty, and leave them to fend for themselves because they don't want to share all the underage poon. Then they divvy up the little girls.

They need to be killed. There's no good to come from them except as fertilizer.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

What will you do to secure Arizona's Gay Sheriff's Southern Border?

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

OK, a brown question, now everybody (sans Paul) say the exact opposite of what you said in Florida.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Schools aren't going bankrupt because of immigration, even in Arizona. They're going broke because Republicans are cutting their funding.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Yes Ron Paul, deploy combat troops on the border with Messico! Shoot to kill!

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:06 pm

"Arizona has come under attack for being racist assholes, demanding 'Vere are your papers?'" from brown people. Why don't people luv us?"

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:18 am

Especially those bigoted fucking Hissss Panicks. WHY DON'T THEY LERVE US?? (breaks down sobbing)

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Sen. Frothy–why has he given up on the Catholic vote? I have a smudgy cross on my forehead, and I'm a Methodist. Where is the American Pope's smudgy forehead mark?

Biff February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I missed Tweety tonight, was he smudged?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:19 am

I told you, he thought it said foreSKIN.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:07 pm

By gum if an illegalz comes on my property I can shoot 'em!

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I hope Rick Perry and Callista are mutually masturbating each other.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Does Planned Parenthood subsidize that?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Hey, just be glad they aren't procreating.

Maman February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Funny about that. Callista was shtooping Newt for six years before they finally entered into wedded bliss. Does that mean the poor lass is barren?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:19 am

Must be, 'cos you know, those Catholics don't BLEEV in birth control.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Rick doesn't like girls.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I think he'd like Sheriff Babeu better.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

What a disgusting concept. Thank you!

RadioSBJ February 23, 2012 at 1:48 am

She's like all, "Gib me sum ub dat N***erhead!"

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Wait, we are back to the double-fence thing? Free triple ladders for all!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:08 pm

BOO for building around the Wetlands. PAVE THEM!!11!!1

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

What the fuck is in them anyway? Just a bunch of mud and mosquitoes. You don't want malaria, DO YOU?
…… fuck, how much longer is this thing, it's making my balls shrink

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:21 am

Then I hope your balls are so goddamn big you need a wheelbarrow to carry them around, because these motherfuckers are gonna be caterwauling JUST like this until November.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Thank you for that reality check. I was starting to hyperventilate.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Brain. Hurts. less. Now.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

The number one comment I have heard since the ridiculous Alabama Immigration law made all the Mexicans disappear is "Our soccer team sucks now." There's not a lot of fence lust here. I guess that's hot in AZ still?

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Only with the dickheads from Phoenix, Mesa, Gilbert et al, who control the Legislature.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

You'd think California didn't have a border with Mexico.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

They all learned from the Pete Wilson fiasco that Mexican hating doesn't win votes in that big old liberal state.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:21 am

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes. That's true.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Well, not in RWNutbagLand.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Oh lord. The whole GOP stance on immigration comes down to "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors." Robert Frost will make sure you all suffer in the afterlife. Seriously.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Ahahaha, moving half the DHS people in DC to the border? They're going to fucking love that, Newty!

mayor_quimby February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Sell my McMansion in Arlington to buy an adobe ranch in NM, I don't fucking think so. Plus, I'd have to send my kid to school with all the browns. (well, different browns from the DC kinds)

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Apricot dildo farms? I take it Newell is doing the live blog tonight. And that he hates these people as much as he did lastl time he did a live blog for "our" the wonket.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Yeah, wetlands are messy.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

FUCK YOU SHERIFF JOE!

How was that?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Newt sure loves those gubmint programs to handle problems.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Go Sheriff JOE!!!

BarackMyWorld February 22, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Go AWAY Sheriff JOE!!!

-fixed

bikerlaureate February 23, 2012 at 12:39 am

To prison.

Go directly to prison.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Ewww Sheriff Joe is in the house.

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Explains some of the stench.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Yeah, there's a lot of those below-minimum-wage, cash only jobs going begging.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Gingrich: "E-verify? Is that something Match.com does?"

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

More likely, he wondered if that's a new hooker site where they verify you are HIV negative.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Fewer illegals in Arizona? Who will pick all their cacti come harvest time?

NYNYNYjr February 22, 2012 at 10:57 pm

And who will sheer the rattlesnakes on the snakefarms to make the much needed snakeskin boots and hats?

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

YAY!! Rmoney says AZ. stopped illegal immigrants!!!

BarackMyWorld February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Then what's Brewer complaining about???

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:23 am

Barack pulled her finger, like she wanted him to?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Someone needs to kick John King in the 'nads. He's fucking useless.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

John King has 'nads?
Huh.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Are we seriously talking about construction of a Berlin Wall on our southern border? Again? Still? This makes me sad, for a whole number of reasons.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Frothy says Mexican servants are A-OK!

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Wasn't the trouble Sheriff Arpaio got into with the Federal Government NOT INVESTIGATING CHILD MOLESTATION?!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Yes, that'd be the fellow. They were brown victims, dontchaknow.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Hey, let's ask Georgia farmers how their anti-immigrant legislation's workin' out for them, shall we?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:15 pm

How many billions lost and rotting in the fields?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"No One Could Have Predicted…"

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Oh, harsh rhetoric about Latinos, but that would not be me, sez Newtie. Asshole. What about the language of the ghetto, newt?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Marco Rubio is a lib.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Marco Rubio was a lib until not too long ago.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

RAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

EVERYBODY DOWN IT!

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Drink.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Reagan also only mentioned Newt ONCE in his diary.

fuflans February 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

we're going to get to 1000.

time to drink more.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

OK, well, between yelling at the fuckers in the debate and yelling at the fucking laptop which can't seem to keep a wireless signal, I am kind of scaring Kid Zoom. (Really, the tech issue is far more irritating!)

But the boy is right–this is just anger porn, and it is not good for me. I'll read about these shitheads tomorrow and for now, it's on to pizza and West Wing on DVD for the Zoom household. Au revoir, you filthy fuckaducks!

Biff February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Aw, shucky ducky!

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:25 am

Well, fuck you TOO, Hellbender. Have a great time with the kiddo.

See you tomorrow, you fetal-rat-abortion!

not that Dewey February 23, 2012 at 9:12 am

Little Suzie wanted to watch youtube videos of Olympic gymnasts and high-divers, so we did that, and ate some marshmallow hearts, then played Go Fish. It was vastly more gratifying that anything involving Republicans.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

How true! Sneaky secret hugs to Li'lSuzieNotThatDewey.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Wait! What did Obama say in his demagogic speech in El Paso? Don't leave us hanging, Newt!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Define yourself using one word, says Moderator. I got your one word right here, assholes.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Hispanic friends of Newt's in the import/export business are just like George Costanza – they don't really exist either.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Hey, how about bringing up something about how NAFTA fucked up all the half-way decent jobs in Mexico, which lead to a dramatic rise in illegal migration from there?

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:15 pm

One word only.
Newt: INCREDIBLE
Paul: GOLD
Romney: WHATEVER
Santorum: RIGHTEOUS

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:15 pm

The not-so-secret word is "Obama."

SheriffRoscoe February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Was there a question about Marco Rubio that didn't get answered, just then?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Ah, one word self-descriptions, this should be fucking ace

Newt: LARD
Mittens: ROBOT
Santorum: POPE
Ron Paul: MAD AS A FUCKING BADGER

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:26 am

I *really* like MAD AS A FUCKING BADGER, which I shall now apply to well-meaning friends of mine liberally.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Remember that hippee who wanted to be paid to embarrass Mitt onstage? I wonder if it's too late to pay him to run up and pants Gingrich?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Is asshole one word or two?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Oh, look, it's a Koch Brothers commercial!

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I love the Employee Right's Act commercial. "Who voted for unions?" "Probably fucking useless old people!! HAW HAW!"

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

That was ace, wasn't it?

Vote to cripple your union so we can lay you the fuck off! (C) Koch Industries

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm

NEWT: Diamonds
PAUL: Gold
RMONEY: Cash
FROTHY: Bankrupt (morally)

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Jan Brewer advertisement. ACK!! My eyes!!!!!!!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I'm watching a PBS special on whales and dolphins with the sound off and THEY are making more sense than the 'Final Four' are!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Wait, now I'm voting for the one that says "AbstinenceOnly" the most times. #AbstinenceOnly

Janinthepan February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Most horrifying Blingee ever.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

AAAHHH it's a horrible shriveled toothy Gila Monster! RUN!!

Oh, it's Jan Brewer. nevermind.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Did anyone catch that anti-union commercial?

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

They've run those during several of the debates. That dialogue makes it sound as if labor unions were doing nothing to protect workers' rights in the workplace. Oh, wait.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Subtle as a sledgehammer. Welcome to Koch World!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Here are my one word descriptions, applies equally to all candidates: CUNT

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

One word: Fucked.

Biff February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Newt is cheerful?

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Dour and Sour come to mind. It's like a cocktail that no one wants to drink.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:16 pm

A Cheerful Imodium Fizz.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

One word? Lockbox.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Now THAT was a bizarre debate.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I don't know. It looks downright tame and cogent, now, compared with what we've been lambasted with these past months.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You're right; it was bizarre at that time.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Let's remember, the country had not gone completely insane yet.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

WAR-BABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

During this badly needed break, I have to share a brief conversation with someone. A friend from my grad school days called from Seattle. We were talking about the crazy Rs and I was painting the party with the crazy, crazy paint. She actually said, "That's just the fringe. That's not all conservatives. I said, "Ann, you have no idea what modern American conservatism is. That fringe you're talking about IS the GOP today. They courted the fundy Xians beginning 1980, then the Teabaggers and now the Frankenstein they created owns them."

I am so smart. Amirite?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

You Are So Smart. Sad, Isn't it?

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:33 am

Totes. Why don't THEY see it, tho? I have friends who call themselves Republicans. Admittedly, they're *very* moderate on social issues and somewhat more conservative on fiscal issues, and they make good points about feeling frustrated with the spendage on schools with no evidence of improvement, huge salaries for administrators and regular fee increases in institutions of higher learning, etc.

Yet when I say to these people, are you fucking kidding me, why would you even want to identify with these people, they hate you for the colour of your skin or your gender or your sexual preference or your religion, they actually defend these bozos. Most of these people will not go to the polls for any of these candidates.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Resolute!

#severe

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Dopey?

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Paul: Crackpot
Frothy: Constipated
Mittens: Mechanical
Newt: *Chortle*

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

D'aww! It's easy to be cheerful when you screw everything that moves, little puffball!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Li'l Puffball yay!

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Start booing you fuckers – women are gotcha questions all the way around.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

if women are involved in combat their uteri could get injured!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Unexpectedly, RMONEY actually gets applause for saying women are not subhuman.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Worried about losing women's lives in combat — but not about losing women's lives in childbirth.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:34 am

Well, no. If the filthy slutwhores are birthing children, it means they dropped those aspirins they were supposed to be holding between their knees.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Nancy Pelosi on Rachel Maddow right now.
I ♥ smart girl-on-girl action.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Wait till you see the pics of me and Barb.

ProgressiveInga February 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Brains or GTFO.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

In my day women in combat put an aspirin between their combat boots.

LOCK AND LOAD!!

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

That post makes about as much sense as anything they've said tonight.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Uh oh, the robot just voice-emulated the word "emotion". It's skin is going to start melting off in cottage cheese clumps again.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Re-re-rek-represents a major th-threat. Add ships to the Navy! Add more military!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Hezbollah in Mexico! Oh, my!

Really, they need to stop doing this.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Hugo Chavez puts them up in a B&B in Caracas according to the Cubans down here.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:36 am

Hopey told them that FOUR YEARS AGO. He said, "You need to tone down the inflammatory rhetoric, because you're painting yourselves into a corner. You're making it impossible for yourselves to work with me, because your constituents will not accept your doing so if you keep using this type of language."* They're so insane with hate for him that they cannot hear anything he has to say, even when it would benefit them to do so.

*Paraphrased

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Obama is shrinking everything! Innerspace secret black-ops project FTW!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

But what about the Infections, Newt?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Women in the military? We're debating that? Oh. They're actually supposed to stay home and birth them babiez, right? I don't speak fluent GOP Crazzzzzy.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I wonder if their is a Pimsleur tape for that? Republicanese?

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

We have Hezbollah in Mexico so we should grow the size of our Navy? Um…

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Cruising the Gulf of America.

under_score February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It is time to add "Hezbollah in Latin America" as a drink item

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Hezbollah is NOT in Mexico or Honduras.

And Syria is not 'in flux', it's in the Middle East you tit!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Just say it, Marshmallow. Just say fucking "Saul Alinsky," you hack.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

NUKES IN EVERY CITY!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Panic! Everyone and everything is trying to kill us all the time!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Right, I'm working on a nuclear bomb in the barn right now.

Maman February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

If Mittens respect others' religious beliefs why has he posthumously baptized people? Has he celestially married dead spinsters too?

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Newt–attacking the moderator, as usual. Didn't John King learn his lesson last time? Oops, now we have to get women out of the police, the firefighters and the Nat'l Guard.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

MexicanIranianTerror

GoldGunsTaxCuts

The Fnords, Have You Seen Them?
~

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Newt Strangelove

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Newtcleur Expert.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Newt, blah, blah, blah, Obama is dangerous,blah, blah, blah Obama is a tyrant, blah, blah, blah, the social engineers of Obama…..

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm

social engineer, saul alinsky, Newtz dog whistles are soooo dorky.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

The Ronulans cheer their leader to stop all aggressive wars! Christian war only!

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Offensive war: BOOOOO!

War on Drugs: BOOOOOO!

War on Illegal Immigrants: Boo…wait, kill illegal Messicans? Yay!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Pretty much. Geez, they're just the most horrible little people.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

The only intelligent statement tonight.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

All groups have rights but white people!

Wait, the draft coming back? Go back to sleep, Grandpa.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Is it over yet? Thin, sober and moderately bright is no way to go through this debate…

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Newt, tell us more about these infections the womenz get.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

9 pages of comments? fookin 'ell!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:31 pm

No way I'm staying to 2000.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

c'mon C_R, we're halfway there.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:18 pm

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonoooooooooooonoooooooooooooooooooooooo

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Bock.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 11:53 pm

whoooo ooooooooa livin on a prayer….

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:42 pm

12 by the time I got to it (11pm). Reading every comment, as usual. Much better than actually watching the real thing.

Crank_Tango February 22, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Sticking your dick in the toaster would be much better than watching the real thing, I imagine…Sent from my iPhone

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:50 pm

No Fucking Doubt About It!

EdFlintstone February 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I cant wait for this republican utopia of a 20% tax cut, increased military spending and a balanced budget. It's why I'm eating more and exercising less to lose weight.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:36 pm

And practicing abstinence one hopes.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Social Engineering: No Blahs in the Military.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Nice fucking 'tash, Kent Taylor! Dick.

Aw ffs, Iran time.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Civilian control of the military?? When did THAT happen?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Uh-oh. Iran. Bombs away.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

IRAN BEEEEEEOTCHES!!!!!!!!!!!

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Iran! Bomb, bomb, bomb.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

What's the difference between Iran having Nukes and Pakistan having Nukes?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

You mean there are people who don't like us in Pakistan?!?!?!

ShaveTheWhales February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Pakistan doesn't have much oil?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Ding, ding ding.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

He's a general and you're a 'historian'. I wouldn't question him.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Bush doctrine! Moral obligation! Pre-emptive strike! These fucking assholes go wild.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Like Arlo in Alice's Restaurant Newt would be jumping up and down yelling: KILL! KILL! KILL!

Come here a minute February 22, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Blood and gore and guts and veins in his teeth. I mean KILL.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Mitt just said that Iran borders the US.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Sarah can prolly see it from her porch.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:40 am

Also too.

I have given up any expectation of correlation to reality in their statements. I have give up hope.

ttommyunger February 23, 2012 at 8:35 am

Haven't you heard? They create their own reality. Actual comment from a former Dubya Operative.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

How can we kill Arabs for Israel yet have $2 a gallon gas? Like the Founders wanted?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Wait, what? Willard doesn't even know what a dirty bomb fucking is. Dipshit.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

"I'm an average citizen in AZ, so naturally what keeps me up at night is the threat of a nuclear Iran. Not whether the 90 year old driver next to me is going to stroke out and kill my entire family. Because it's Arizona. McCain. Need I say more?"

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He's closer to both Sheriff Joe and Sheriff Gay than Iran.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

The president did impose crippling sanctions against Iran that are working.

I hate these guys with the heat of a thousand Chris Christie farts.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

They tread in dangerous territory when they go after Obama's foreign policy records. Helloooo.

snoopyfan2010 February 22, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I like the new picture. Is Santorum the new blah?

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 3:09 am

Nah, not yet.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Again with the Free Markets, Free Markets, Free Markets, but they all will lower the price of gas.

FakaktaSouth February 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Should our leadership, like Eric Cantor and my own Spencer Bachus, et al, should they stop speculating on oil futures with the Koch Brothers – since demand is actually down right now, and therefore prices should be too? Or just bomb Iran?

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Obama = nukes.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Extremism in the defense of the oil companies (and defense contractors) is no vice!

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

We are all Haliburtons today.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

It's just so cute to hear Mittens holding forth on foreign policy, just like a big boy who knows what he's talking about

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 11:41 pm

It was almost unscripted when he said "…Dirty bomb, OR ANY OTHER KINDA BOMB!"

#Severe

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:31 pm

What are they doing now? I took a brief timeout to read about Marie Colvin. Now I'm a little sick. Last night she told CNN that Syria's was the worst war she ever covered. What a great journalist. She makes my love, C. Amanpour, look lame. Of course, the latter hasn't been blown up, has she? So there's that.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Obama has been giving centrifuges and spent fuel rods to Iran. He also is a muslim who has buttsechs with Akmidenjhad.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I can't wait until Hopey schools the fuck out of one of these idiots on foreign policy.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Exactly.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The President has never helped out the Muslim Brotherhood you idiot.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

He can't; he's too busy blocking everyone's religious freedom.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I was picking up the wife's pillz the other day and Obama came outta nowhere and just slapped 'em right outta my hand! Then he told me "Satan Rulez, Christians Droolz!"

It was, frankly, terrifying.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Well, he's *right* about that last part. I mean, have you met Biely?

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

But he's never NOT helped them out. Obama hates America!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Rick only likes his own brand of theocracy.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

That's what it boils down to. The only reason they hate "radical Islam" is because it's competition against their own radical theology.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:43 am

Dood, Rick thinks the feckin' *Protestants* are misguided and gone astray from Jeebus. Wait till the Protestants find out.

Negropolis February 23, 2012 at 3:19 am

Unfortunately, they already have, and they've calculated that a Catholic Santorum is better than a Mormon or a Blah, even if the Santorum hates them.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I thought the Catholic Church was the Great Whore of Babylon? Have things changed so much?

user-of-owls February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

This fucking death march to Iran has drained all the joy right out of me. I just can't take this vulgarity any more. Count me out.

Carrabuda February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

But wait! Ron Paul is smacking down the Iran hawks. Awesome.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Yeah, and being booed to death by the loonz in the audience.

Limeylizzie February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hi Owls, kisses his beak tenderly, ruffles feathers , soothes brow.

Maman February 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

O Hellz, I hate it when Ron Paul makes sense.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Then you must hate the fuck out of the Republican debates, because that old loon is the only one of them who makes *any* sense *at all.*

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Shit….are we going to war right now?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hey Rick, one man's Satan is another man's Lucifer, well if you're a theocratic simpleton.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Why does the world hate us? Maybe because these dipshits and their ilk attack Obama because he bailed on one of our Tyrant buddies in Egypt. Sure, it sucked for the actual Egyptians, but it was convenient for us when Mubarak was in charge.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Okay. Small, teeny bit of praise. At least these guys say "nuclear" instead of "nucular." Dubya used to drive me nuts with that.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Sad, that it's the best thing you can say about them. Kudos for seeing a drop of water left in the glass instead of saying there was nothing in the glass.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Media mimicked it out of fear for their phony baloney jobs, too.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ron Paul booed for raining on the Iran War parade.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Paul the Foreign Policy Heretic Gets Booed! THOUGHTCRIME DOUBLEPLUS BAD!

Declaration of War – WILD CHEERS!!

Who the fuck are these horrible people?

yyyaz February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Just a perfectly representative sampling of the 59.9 million fuckwits who voted for Walnuts/Tundra Twat 2008.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Once again fucking Ron Paul makes sense.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ron Paul: making fucking sense about war with Iran! Kill me now.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

BECAUSE WE LIKE GOING TO WAR CARELESSLY YOU AMERICA HATER!

SheriffRoscoe February 22, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ron Paul just cold stinking up the joint.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Syria is a Puppet State if Iran? I hope Assad isn't watching this, he'll get pissed.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Assad's Syria is a puppet state of Iran? You Loon!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Rick gets all sourpuss when RP states a fact: "We don't even know if they have a nuclear weapon." Then he grabs his weird notepad full of bikini-zones cutout from doctor's office waiting room magazines and jots down something quick and stupid. I enjoyed that.

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm

He probably wanted to slurp down a microphone out of frustration, but can't at that moment, so he just played with his pen some. There will be make up sex however!

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Three words: Osama Bin Laden.

Ask him how "weak" Obama is on "radical Islam," you shameless bastards.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

They're all sucking each other's cocks between muttering "Syria" and "Iran" and "WAR."

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Sure, just have the CIA have people killed! Always worked fine before.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Newt: Drill Everywhere! Replace the EPA (with what?), send other, foreign peoples kids into Syria to get killed (covertly!) Our Allies are in Terrible Danger!

Invade the Moon!

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

We can thank that billionaire casino asshole and Mrs. asshole for pumping 20 million into his campaign and for him still being around. They're just doing it for the lulz.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Thanks lots, Supreme Court!

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Send the Messicans to the moon, because they are so grateful.

EdFlintstone February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Paul-"going to war is risky and reckless.'' Yeah Ron, but republican voters at heart are a bunch of pretend tough guys, wearing american flag golf shirts, who wet their bed at the first mention of the new boogey man.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

ZOMG, I think Mittens has gone off script. He's totally dissing Assad.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Pelosi on Rachel concerning voter restrictions: Don't agonize, organize.

I'm going to remember that one. A regular Johnny Cochran, this one.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Mittens sounds like he's proud he learned some Middle East–wait–Is he saying we should be on the side of Assad? Are you shitting me?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Paul and the gold standard! DRINK!!!!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Once again, Ron Paul is the only one making any fucking sense. Wake up, you're trying to start another war.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Stop telling the truth, Paul!

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Newt, you lying sack of puss, the US has 21 billion barrels of oil in reserve. Saudi Arabia has 261. I want to stuff you in the trunk of a Volt.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm

We'll help.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

All liberals know… that Newt's too fat to stuff into a Volt.

RadioSBJ February 23, 2012 at 1:51 am

That's the one I want to explode.

Come here a minute February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Mitt: money
Newt: diamonds
Ron: gold
Rick: santorum

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Isn't it known as 'Snotsdale'?

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Hey, who let a WOMAN ask a question?

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

No Child Left Behind: Mandatory Pregnancy for all Peoplez Doing the Nasty.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

A testing regime, Santo? He senses that the crowd isn't happy about his support for NCLB, and quickly changes his position. Fuckwad.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Santorum is fucking stupid. He's admitted multiple times, tonight, that he voted for purely political reasons. You don't say that shit.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

You think Ronald Reagan would be a team player? Win one for the Gipper?

Oh, wait.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm

And you're billing your state for your 'homeschooling' as well, asshole.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Rick Santorum regrets support for No Child Left Behind, promises to leave all children behind if he's elected president.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I thought they were all being aborted anyway.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Well when he bans abortion it'll be cost prohibitive to educate all of them.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Only in the "urban" community.

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

They can be janitors at the white schools. Santorum/Gringrich team up!

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm

HOME SKOOLIN IZ GUD.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Santorum's kidz get plenty of Homo skoolin', especialy the one with a genetic anomaly.

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Can anyone tell what Mitt Romney is talking about?

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Damn, Mittens hates the fucking unions. The crowd slobbers all over itself.

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

The result of 50 years + of unrelenting, insidious warfare on the unions. You would think they were baby killers or something. ; )

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Ah, the evil unions again! In league with secularists and Hezbollah.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Newt: Shrink the Dep't of Ed down so we can drown it in a bathtub!

anonymousryan February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Just like the children we won't be allowed to abort!!

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Vouchers are a fucking scam.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:49 pm

And there are some pretty spectacular examples of that in Arizona.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I would imagine. Florida is full of charter schools and the corruption is not too easy to hide.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Unions worse than Iran.

rocktonsam February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I watched 2 minutes of the "debate," with John King,

I finally understand the term," tongue punch fart box.

good night

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:45 pm

NO EDUCATION! EVAH! Let the parents teach the little fuckers. Kill the teachers and unions.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:51 pm

One of the parents is supposed to stay home and school the children. Meanwhile if one of the parents isn't working, where will they get the money to feed the babbies?

ShaveTheWhales February 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Who cares? They're already born, aren't they?

RavenRant February 22, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Feed 'em to each other. It worked in "Lord of the Flies".

Jukesgrrl February 24, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Ya gotta point!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Not from ENTITLEMENTS and HANDOUTS the filthy Poorz! Can't those slackers work a few dozen MOAR jobs? And put those kids to janitorializing those schools and displaying those true American values that have our jobs in our hearts also too.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Your right Newt, teachers dont like kids. If this goes on much longer my TV is in danger.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Jesus Christ, Newt! You get paid for that babble? Who's stupid enough to do that?

DonnyKerabotsos February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

That's some college professor there.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Teachers don't need to know how students learn! Just beat the Ten Commandments into them and tell 'em to get to work.

Gainsbourg69 February 22, 2012 at 9:57 pm

And teach them abstinence so they don't have any unwanted pregnancies and mess up their futures.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ron Paul thinks Newt's not insane enough.

Maman February 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yeah, there is no need for educational standards. Let's teach the kiddies that the earth is flat

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

In Arizona, teaching the children that the Grand Canyon is 4,500 years old is common.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm

And in OK, a bill is being introduced to allow them to do just that.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:17 pm

We're living in the 21st century when you pretty much can't *get* a job without tertiary education, preferably in science/math. And these morons would like us back in caves, picking fleas off each other.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm

God, Ron Paul cackles like community TV late-night nutcase.

Oh. Got it.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm

And now . . . the lightening round.

CogitoErgoBibo February 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Oh, pleaze Jeezus, be right John King. Make this the final GOP debate. My liver demands it.

Biff February 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

GIANT FROTHY SIGN FTW!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:30 pm

AHEM!

Biff February 23, 2012 at 9:34 am

Your sign? Nice!

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 6:37 pm

*preen*

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Republics have been anti-education in OK for a good 50 years, and their opposition has rewarded them handsomely. The dumber they are, the easier for the rich capitalists to rob them.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I'm guessing the age of consent and the age to leave school are about the same there?

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Kids in AZ can drop out after 10th grade no matter how old they are. Age to marry is 16 with parental permission, 18 without. AZ has highest dropout rate in the nation.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 10:02 pm

On the plus side there must be plenty of young fast food workers.

Jukesgrrl February 24, 2012 at 10:42 pm

That's the only kind of food 99% of Arizonans can afford, so I guess it works.

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:49 pm

God, Jim Newell, are you flying solo tonight?

I'm guessing your next post will be about 3PM (EST) tomorrow?

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

He's being punished for once leaving us. Still, it doesn't seem fair that wonkette jr. (if that's even his/her real name) could've helped out.

Designer_Rants February 22, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Jim unceremoniously fired the intern!

Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.)

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Hey, Guys…Osama Bin Laden's dead, the Domestic automobile industry's alive and Barry can sing.

Go Fuck yourselves.

FROTHY February 23, 2012 at 1:53 am

I just want you to know I Tweeted that, too. With attribution.

C_R_Eature February 23, 2012 at 5:16 am

well, cool!

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Great tweet from Ezra Klein: "Gingrich on Obama: 'As long as your America's enemy your safe.' bin-Laden says what? Oh, he says nothing. Due to being dead."

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:51 pm

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

RadioSBJ February 22, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Of the right height.

NellCote71 February 22, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Overlooking the lakes, all of them, the little ones as well as the big ones.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 10:09 pm

You know, the ones in The Parts, Michigan, which I think is adjacent to The Pointes, but I'm not so sure.

Jukesgrrl February 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Rmoney: Just-the-right-height tree
Newt: Historic cherry tree (Happy B'day, George)
Paul: Tree of Liberty
Santorum: Tree of Life

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 10:49 pm

His tree, of course. I hope they're ALL history after November, and I never have to hear their voices or names ever again.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Santorum: Oozing Sugar Maple

Paul: Pigmy Pine

Newt: Baobab

Mitt: "Hey, it looks like a tree…but…it's a Cell Tower!

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

You couldn't win 1 election in 9 Primary/Caucus contests so STFU.

Blueb4sunrise February 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Mis -Contraception again?

Oh, never mind.

imissopus February 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Paul did the best in poll against Obama, but still lost by something like 12 points.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Raygun Raygun Raygun. God what an asshole Newt is.

Data Exactly February 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

"Yes, I can be a dumbass all I want!"

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Answer the question!!!

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Wow, Mitt just said, you can ask whatever question you want but I'm gonna give you the answers I want.

This guy is insane.

ShaveTheWhales February 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Ripped straight from the Alaskunt's playbook.

RavenRant February 22, 2012 at 10:06 pm

That was the Snowbilly Grifter's debate line. Kind of pathetic that Romney's plagiarizing from that source.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I'm glabberflasted.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Wow, Mittens just saying "fuck you, I'm saying whatever the fuck I want". Straight-up dick.

He's really winning over the electorate over with that shit.

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Yes, I do believe it is not escaping the notice of the hoi polloi that Mittens is absolutely an entitlement-addled ari$$tocrat.

RESPECT MAH AUTHORITEH!

chascates February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!

Maman February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Oh Mittens. My husband has an MBA from @UChicago. That didn't stop him from being unemployeed three time in the last five years due to the economy. So much for hard work and edumacation

Fukui_sanYesOta February 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm

If anything, that's the Big Lie about the American Dream.

There is no prize for hard work.

DustBowlBlues February 22, 2012 at 10:01 pm

And there is no longer "the American Dream."

C_R_Eature February 23, 2012 at 5:20 am

No one's "safe" these days. Oh, except for utter failures in the Wingnut-o-sphere, there's always jobs for those people.
And it really pisses me off.

C_R_Eature February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Paul: "I am Not a Crank!"

Newt: " I really do have a Penis in here, somewhere."

Mittens: "I am a carbon based life form just like yourself."

Frothy: "Google Lies"

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I know I'm tired, but — I just read that as

Mittens: "I am a cardboard based life form just like yourself."

He is, too.

C_R_Eature February 23, 2012 at 4:55 am

This just made me laugh ms ass off.

SudsMcKenzie February 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Off to the Top chef live blog, I hope Padmas outfit's cheers me up.

DoktorThompson February 22, 2012 at 11:41 pm

As the late, great Jim Newell once said, "FAP FAP FAP."