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Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things

He's been to Arizona like twiceIs it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker hellscape of Arizona and type some nonsense about it.

8:00 — It being a CNN debate we have to sit through a full 47 minutes of “Next Week on CSI”-type briefer montages that humiliate the country, then candidate introductions, then some shitty song called “The Star Spangled Banner” that Mitt Romney always pretends to sing. John King says welcome! We’ve got old white gun nuts inside, old white gun nuts outside, old white gun nuts on stage. It’s going to be a banner night for illegal immigrants! (All of this happens while CNN plays this hilarious loop of a fake rock song that goes like “ENNNNGGHH… badaboom… ENNNGHH…badaboom”… okay, let’s save our energy.
8:04 — Ron Paul: “I am the champion of liberty.” *drops mic* (Why is he here?)
8:06 — Mitt Romney: “I want to restore America’s promise.” Why did the crowd applaud like mad for this useless fraud line? We sense a great presence of bused-in Mormons out there.
8:08 — Newt Gingrich: I’m Newt Gingrich and I won’t buttfuck the Saudi Arabian King if I’m president. (Fortunately he won’t be president, so he’ll be able to.)
8:10 — First question from an audience lady: What will you do about the debt! SMOKE BREAK.
8:11 — Mitt Romney is talking about repealing the Davis-Bacon Act! How the hell did this get in his first response for the night? WATCH YOUR BACK, WAGNER ACT.
8:12 — Rick Santorum, who voted to raise the debt ceiling a full 900 times during his years as a nasty dumb crook in the Senate, criticizes Mitt Romney for saying he would’ve raised the debt ceiling over the summer. Why wouldn’t you let the global economy crash forever for purely arbitrary reasons, Mittens?
8:13 — Rick Santorum regrets his No Child Left Behind yes vote because it “led to education spending.”
8:15 — Mitt Romney angrily notes that Rick Santorum is giving misleading attack lines. Neat…o…. blech ugh. Let’s just share our favorite niche porn instead of watching this.
8:17 — Ron Paul just called Rick Santorum a “fake” and is now giving a brief rambling history of the last 70 years as seen through his eyes. Oh, foreign aid! Wow why did they let Ron Paul just talk for 7 days?
8:19 — Ron Paul is flapping his weird old limp wrists all up in Rick Santorum’s face without even knowing it, ha ha. He can’t move voluntarily.
8:21 — Mitt Romney, you called yourself a “severely conservative” governor at CPAC. Would you care to comment on this most comically pathetic thing anyone’s ever said? Mitt Romney is telling us that he has run a business. If you can’t balance a budget in the private sector, he tells us for the third time tonight already, then you go out of business. (If you’re in a real pickle you can just extract an extra few dozen million in fees from the American Pad & Paper Company though, without doing any actual work). Mitt Romney has worked in the private sector, he notes.
8:24 — Newt Gingrich was asked a simple question and responded that we need to completely redefine the way we think about civilization and governance and humanity. No shit, Newt.
8:26 — Rick Santorum is proudly defending the ludicrously expensive military aircraft he saved with his long history of constant earmarks.
8:27 — “You voted for the Bridge to Nowhere” says Mitt Romney to Rick Santorum. Potent! God, what a fucking fraud. (I forget which one I’m talking about, too, maybe Wolf Blitzer.)
8:28 — Oh my God.
8:29 — Oh my God all of you! The crowd is booing out of confusion, they’re all talking over each other, Mitt Romney is contrasting the Olympics with the Bridge to Nowhere, Newt Gingrich is whining about not getting speaking time. There’s no order! Chaos! Chaos, boos, fire, chemtrails, sex, murder, heat!
8:32 — Ron Paul and Rick Santorum have totally legitimate defenses of earmarks, by the way. The crowd boos, for earmarks, which have been adding a whole $0 to total federal spending for some years now.
8:35 — Mitt Romney, great hero business monster of American politics, is explaining how he got the auto bailout completely wrong. (He phrases this differently.)
8:37 — You can tell that the auto bailout did truly piss off Mitt Romney, not merely in his typical “pretend to have any emotion” way. He was morally offended that Chrysler’s secured creditors at big bank vulture funds were asked to take a loss instead of getting paid off in full during the bankruptcy process. This is the sort of thing, maybe the only thing, that genuinely disgusts Mitt Romney.
8:44 — Ooh the first commercial break… and… ***DING DING DING “DELIST MEK” AD*** Drink a bottle of lead paint.
8:46 — A birth control question! The crowd loudly boos. Mitt Romney says hey, look what you did, John King. Newt Gingrich asks why the “elite media” never asked Barack Obama ABOUT HIS SUPPORT FOR INFANTICIDE during the 2008 election. Ugh. Sadly — very sadly — your Wonkette does remember the “elite media” asking him about this completely made-up vomit smear during that campaign.
8:49 — Rick Santorum, why do you hate sex? Rick Santorum: Well I was just reading Charles Murray’s new book… He may have said something after that, but it’s already an understandable answer.
8:50 — “NO, everything’s NOT going to be fine!” — Rick Santorum
8:51 — Ron Paul is a doctor so he has heard of The Pill.
8:52 — Romney: We need to teach The Liberals that parents are a good thing. Get the kids out of their community-raised apricot dildo farms & Marxist schoolhouses already.
8:55 — A BRIEF SUMMARY OF THIS SECTION: Two-parent married households are the key to success. Why can’t poor people fucking realize this and just do it?
8:57 — Rick Santorum confesses: He has voted for a bill before. Ron Paul just shakes his head.
8:58 — Mitt Romney: Rick, I was just watching you on the YouTubes saying you hate contraception. Do you know any good cat/lego/robot YouTubes?
9:00 — Mitt Romney is poorly discussing the differences between MittensCare and ObamaCare. There are none. When is the debate over? Oh, now Mitt Romney is hitting Santorum for his endorsement of Arlen Specter in 2004. Is this really such a thing? We highly doubt that Mitt Romney in 2004 was terrified of Arlen Specter for being too liberal.
9:01 — Mittens just clapped in Rick Santorum’s face, out of awkwardness.
9:06 — Mexicans!
9:07 — Rick Perry’s in the crowd! What courage for him; we didn’t think he’d be able to watch another debate for the rest of his life. Rick stop putting tacks on your wife’s seat! Rick! (Onstage: Newt Gingrich is being a fat dick.)
9:09 — And there’s Sheriff Joe in the crowd, looking like a total creep. Mitt Romney: Would you allow the filthy Mexicans to “self-deport,” or would you capture them and make them slaves like Joe Arpaio does? Mitt Romney would have an “EZ-PASS system” so people can self-deport without sitting through toll lines. “E-VERIFY,” that’s it. Not saying anything but just saying… EZ-PASS would’ve been a much cooler immigration plan.
9:12 — Question: Why are you all racist against white Marco Rubio?
9:18 — Dumb Internet question! Define yourself in one word, NOT TWO, NOT THREE. Paul: Bwahhh, Santorum: Poopcum, Romney: Lasers, Newt: Cookies.
9:22 — Gingrich is asked whether he thinks women should be able to serve in the front lines of The Wars, responds with a warning that a major American city could be nuked at any moment.
9:24 — They all say they’d listen to the advice of military people before allowing vaginas to serve on the front lines. What if the military people are okay with it? Then… stone… female soldiers… to death? Sure.
9:25 — Oh fuck, here we go with the Iran War portion. “It’s a pressing question at the moment,” notes twatwaffle John King. Why do you say that, John?
9:27 — John King is the worst broadcaster on all of television. We never thought we’d see a television personality pushing to make the Republican presidential candidates more hawkish on Iran, but here he is, asking for their invasion blueprints.
9:30 — Rick Santorum says he has been “on the trail of Iran” for eight years and wrote a bill about it “in 2008,” just a year or two after his humiliating defeat to flat cyborg Bob Casey. Has Rick Santorum been playing pretend-Senator in his dollhouse since his loss? And if so, can we join?
9:32 — Ron Paul is doing his thing where he’s the most rational politician in the country on Iran and Middle East policy in general, and mostly getting booed. Maybe our constant talk of nuking Iran is making the Iranians defensive and hindering progress? Boo fuck off!
9:34 — Wow, these guys just have nothing to talk about. They’re criticizing Obama for not doing all the things that he’s been doing re: Iran and Syria.
9:42 — Mitt Romney brags about his record of bringing Massachusetts to #1 in national education rankings from its lowly nadir of #1.
9:44 — If any of these fine souls ever gets to be president, ever child in the country will be homeschooled. Social progress!
9:45 — Ron Paul: Uguguuguguhhh no education ever bwah BWAHHH hhehhhh.
9:50 — Ten more minutes. What does idiot John King want to ask about Iranian wars this time? “What is the biggest misconception about you” right now? THAT WE DON’T CARE, JOHN. That we don’t care.
9:51 — Ron Paul: Oh, I don’t know, probably how the entire media and political establishment and most of my party and the American people think I’m a radical fucking minarchist lunatic from Space. It’s not true, John.
9;52 — Newt Gingrich: That I’m not Jesus + Zeus combined. I am, John.
9:53 — Mitt Romney: [gives stump speech]; John King: Biggest misconception was the question, Mittens; Romney: Rot in Hell, John, [resumes stump speech].
9:54 — Rick Santorum: That I can’t win since I have no money and no one likes me because I’m a whiny, grating washed-up bore. My mommy thinks I’m cool, John.
9:56 — Hey ho whoa hey, it’s over baby! Rick Santorum just ripped Ron Paul’s arm out of its socket.

Anyway thanks for showing up, to this, the last debate liveblog (until they schedule another emergency debate about nothing). Who won? Barack Obama won! Ha ha ha, ha… man is that post-debate joke old and unfunny. Hitler won, goodnight.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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1,178 comments

  1. Barb

    Instead of having a debate with the GOP candidates, maybe they should have a debate between the billionaires who are running the show with their PAC donations.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Remember when Scrooge McDuck and Flintheart Goldgloom had a contest to see who was the world's richest duck?

      They liquidated all their assets and made a huge pile of their cash and coin.

      Uncle Scrooge won by a dime.

  2. Limeylizzie

    Where are you Wonketteers? I will have to pleasure myself, with that picture of Walnuts in my head, while I wait.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Apart from the hideousness of the opposition, I will be sad if the beauty of that man is not around as much come November.

  3. DrunkIrishman

    Santorum will try to perform an exorcism on Romney, while Romney tries to baptize all of Santorum's dead relatives. Gingrich will just stand in the corner, back to everyone, pretending to make out with someone.

      1. V572 Flambé

        Just post your checking account and ABA numbers here, and we'll draft your account after sending you the DVD.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Haven't they all been? Remember that the earlier debates had psycho crowds applauding at the idea of people dying for no reason.

    1. Barb

      Baseball games are all about the welfare state! "Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks…" Buy your own, buddy!

  4. V572 Flambé

    ASU Sympho Chorale doing SSB! As they say on "Will & Grace," why do they have to call it the Gay Men's Chorus? Is it gayer than the Men's Chorus?

    And if you don't have an ashen schmear on your forehead, your faith is NOT TRUE!

      1. V572 Flambé

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just quoting W&G, whom I watch while on the treadmill.

  5. Blueb4sunrise

    No ashes on the Catholistas as far as I can tell.

    Although Ron Paul is kinda looking like a pile of ashes.

      1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        That's actually rather sweet.

        Now, these spotted salamanders–they are properly married in one-male, one-female Christian unions, right?

  6. C_R_Eature

    They're singing but, of course,the MUTE button's on so I'm just going to assume it's Deutchland, Deutchland Uber Alles!

  7. Crank_Tango

    Winner prediction: A hate-filled saguaro sodomizing a messican while wearing a cowboy hat and a bolo tie.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm right in the middle of Jon Lee Anderson's biography of Che Guevara, which is pretty good, so I'm not sure how long I'm going to last with this shit.

  9. Tilley

    Oh okay, yeah I'll turn on the TV and sit here with you guys, why not. It's been a very hellish week but at least it's almost over, right? What? It's only WEDNESDAY? And now there's a Repug "debate" on besides? Fucking fresh hell.

      1. Tilley

        Hi Barb — how's the lady parts? Are you healing up nicely? Haven't been around lately, need to catch up some. The week'll get better when the weekend comes.

        1. Barb

          I had a crazy day here, Tilley. I popped my incision opened and had to go and get reglued together. I don't have the balls to look at it though. I made my husband look at it and report to me what he saw, lol.

          I booked a trip to Vegas for March 12th. Sin City will make me whole again.

          1. ThundercatHo

            You popped your incision? Aren't you like 2 wks out? What were you doing, waxing the car? Good grief, woman, you need to rest and heal.

          2. FROTHY

            Please tell her this some more because I strongly suspect that Barb is not listening to advice and is being her usual determined cheerful superwoman self and Doing Stuff that Ladies Wiv Stitches In 'Em Shd Not B Doing.

          3. ThundercatHo

            Uh, huh. Sure. Other favorite excuses include, "It wasn't me" and "Maybe the dogs did it". Well, we'll be watching you now, Missy, so you'd better behave. ;)

          4. FROTHY

            You were trying to be SUPERWOMAN, Sweetie! We need you to be healthy and in ONE piece. Because knowing you, if there's TWO pieces, each will be writing some different snarky comment here, and it's tough enough keeping up with ONE of you!!

    1. cheetojeebus

      Simple. A can of wolf brand chilli and a lone star. Gas. Done.

      Lone star: $1.08 if purchased as a 12 pack.
      Chili $1.00
      total $2.08

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    How are you going to reduce the debt? I'm gonna fucking lower taxes on rich people, gosh darn it.

  11. Tilley

    "Obamacare BAD. Defense spending GOOD. When I was born, now I'm gonna be the prezdent. Fuck off Frothy, you freak.

    1. SoBeach

      I dunno. Judging from the crowd reactions — booing Santorum, wild applause for every mangled sentence from Romney — it looks like Mittens has bought himself a friendly crowd.

  12. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh fuck you Mitt, your business was bailed out by the government just like your banker buddies.

    1. finallyhappy

      Oh shit, I paid plenty of taxes as a govt employee-still pay them on my retirement – prrobably a lot more than those mofos – on less income!

  13. Tilley

    Love how these dickwads say "When I'M president" and "During MY presidency." Like little girls playin' dress-up in Mommy's high heels and lipstick.

    1. FROTHY

      See, I usually say, "When I'M elected God of this Multiverse," but everybody knows it's just a fantasy because if that coulda happened all these assholes would *already* be dead – wut? Quit bitching?

      1. V572 Flambé

        His “authenticity” is as phony as Mitt in bluejeans. He's riding the Savanarola pony and hoping it'll take him to the nomination, but underneath the sweater vest he's just an opportunistic earmarker. It's a rich Pennsylvania tradition.

        1. ttommyunger

          “Opportunistic Earmarker”? You are being too kind; I was thinking more along the lines of “Grifting Little Cunt”, but that's just me.

  14. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    As usual, Richard Adams of the Guardian is being all awesopme and stuff:

    A brief flub there. "I'm here to talk about positive solutions for this country that includes everybody from the bottom up," says Rick. Yes, he said "bottom up". Snigger all you like, sniggerers.

    shouldn't that be "sneegroes"?

      1. Z Crudmonger

        I suspect cunts have turned the corner in public opinion whereas Newt sprints gladly towards the abyss.

    1. mayor_quimby

      I think Dr. Paul is gonna do an emergency tracheotomy on Rick Froth with that lovely Mont Blanc (walmart knockoff) pen

  15. V572 Flambé

    Fuck we're already on page 2 of the comments. I'm willing to pay my click-through tax, but this is ridiculous.

  16. Monsieur_Grumpe

    These guys aren't even trying to use real numbers. Their assholes have had so many true facts pulled out of them they must look like the Holland tunnel.

  17. FakaktaSouth

    Ron Paul sounds like someone is shaking him, even though he doesn't do that Katherine Hepburn thing in real life. It's kind of impressive. And THEY ARE ALL FAKE Ron, you are right. Punch Rick in the nose for me.

      1. FROTHY

        That's how *all* foreign aid is structured. Countries that receive "foreign aid" from the US are required to set aside the lion's share of funds for purchase of American corporations' products. It's the well-known secret of the foreign aid scam. I believe David Bull wrote an excellent book on how corporations like DuPont were enabled to spread their poisonous tentacles across the entire planet through the mechanism of US foreign "aid."

        1. Z Crudmonger

          Not a bad idea, if it allowed for liberation vs continued colonization. Perhaps desalinization projects or other local economic liberation. Long term game etc. But, no, we/they get Xe/Boeing/Raytheon/ Jeebus.

  18. FakaktaSouth

    Who gave Rick a HERO award? Was that one of those Newt Gingrich 5000 dollar a trophy things? Like that strip joint got?

  19. C_R_Eature

    Ricky: "I'm taking on tough issues, like Satan in Protestant churches, scary female pills and repression of Christians in America!"

    1. Tilley

      Yes. Those are the very things I've overheard from folks standing in line at the unemployment office and outside the free medical clinics.

  20. Blueb4sunrise

    Based on my survey of signs posted on utility poles, Ron Paul is only less popular in AZ. than whoever will tell them what airplanes are spraying .

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Considering that military spending puts about 5 to 10 billion dollars into Arizona every year, Paul might be the last guy they want in the White House.

  21. CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh, yeah. When I want things done, I totally look to a riled up conservative base. They're just awesome at the movin' and the shakin'.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      So it's Frothy, eh? Before Mitt's even officially dead! OOOOOOH BURN! you beautifully vengeful name-changer.

          1. FROTHY

            See, nobody reads my damn tag line. I wrote it in there. Plus I even *announced* it on the 2K-comment thread, but you were off gallivanting and missed it. Yup. It's me.

            This is going to wreck Santorum. Then I'll be Mittens again.

  22. GuyClinch

    Since Santorum believes that non-procreative sex within marriage is a sin, and because his wife is pushing 52 (well past her reproductive years), we can assume his is a celibate marriage for some time now. I hope an audience member asks him for tips on how to keep a strong bond in marriage without sex, just to watch him squirm a bit.

  23. Tilley

    Sanitorium is like someone's older brother's weasely frat-house buddy. Always looks like he's up to something and you have no desire whatsoever to know what it is.

  24. CogitoErgoBibo

    Wow. Limiting the number of homes available for orphans. Way to go, Mitt! A total win for you and especially for the childrenz.

      1. Data Exactly

        It'd be easy to if he doesn't bring up ex-wives first before we start eating. That'd be deplorable!!! :(

    1. Negropolis

      Why?

      I'd love him to sit at my table for breakfast or dinner, too…but it'd be so that I could stomp on his feet.

  25. Tilley

    Mittens is all over the map. The fuck? Catholic church-gay adoption-severely conservative-bankrupt business? wha?

  26. BlueStateLibel

    Damn, they're should be laws against putting up a blingie like that, I'm going to have nightmares all night now.

  27. mayor_quimby

    I hope somebody has seized all of Newt's adverbs for the night.
    I am stunningly tired of them, fundamentally.

  28. V572 Flambé

    Repeal the 135-year-old Civil Service laws and replace them with a "modern management system"! Tell us again, Newt! And then again!

  29. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Pig Newton starts off talking about the civil service sucking balls, then says "SECURE THE DANGED FENCE"

  30. C_R_Eature

    The current government is a disaster, Newt, because you and your ideological pals have deliberately worked for oh, 30+ years to make it that way.
    You Fuckstick.

  31. GuyClinch

    As Sullivan notes, neither of the Catholics is wearing ash on their forehead today. They wear their religiosity on their sleeves, why not on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday? John King, ask! (Newt was prolly preoccupied looking forward to peanut-butter eggs)

  32. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Let's get back to a balanced budget?

    Oh, like the kind Bill Clinton had before you fuckers bulldozed the tax code?

  33. CogitoErgoBibo

    "Your earmark is bad." "No yours is worse!" "Your earmark totally sucked!" "Well, your earmark kills babies. Yeah. Where's your comeback now, babykiller?"

    1. FROTHY

      How come every single commenter here *knows* this, but this almighty buncha fuckwits, the moderator, and the audience of morons appears NOT to? We couldn't *all* have dreamed it up. Are we being tested in a secret lab somewhere to see how much we *will* believe?

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        Even fucking Cheney tried to kill the Osprey, and fuck knows he loves anything to do with death-dealing.

        Frothmeister made it sound like the poxy Osprey won the war in Afghanistan single handedly, never mind that war is a draw at best.

        1. FROTHY

          These people are about to drive me stark raving mad. I begin to doubt my grip on reality after listening to them blather away about completely made-up shit like this. Jesus, man, they are so fucking WRONG to the nth degree of wrongitude.

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            Copying from bloody Yahoo of all places:

            GINGRICH: "It is utterly stupid to say that the United States government can't control the border. It is a failure of will. It's a failure of enforcement."

            THE FACTS: A failure of will or enforcement is difficult to see in the statistics. Starting under the Bush administration, the ranks of the Border Patrol have risen to more than 21,400 agents, a force augmented by National Guard troops, unmanned aerial vehicles and fencing. A record 396,609 illegal immigrants were deported last year.

            In the budget year that ended in September, border agents arrested the fewest illegal border crossers — 327,577 — in nearly four decades. That's considered a sign that fewer people are trying to cross, whether because doing so is riskier or because economic opportunity in the U.S. is less than before.

            The debate presses on about whether the border is becoming secure enough, but there has been a measure of success and substantial effort.

            —-

            Reality comes into it not at all. What drives me crazy is that people don't have the fucking capacity to work out this is blatant bullshit.

    1. FROTHY

      Urgh. When my friend's two daughters were still quite young and breast-feeding, the older one turned to her mother one day and said, "Mom, I'm glad Daddy can't breast-feed us." To which, Mom, who was probably tired of tandem feedings, replied "Why?" a little acidly. The kid looks over at my poor friend who's turning nine different shades of red, and says, "Ew, too hairy."

      Thanks to you, I'm now entertaining that image. Except with Santorum.

  34. C_R_Eature

    The V-22 Osprey? That's what you're got, Ricky? How over budget and fucked-up was that program? Jeeezes!

    1. mayor_quimby

      They work well when they aren't crashing, you just have to replace the eyes of everyone in the landing zone every 6 months due to the sandblasting.

  35. BaldarTFlagass

    That's all I can handle. This is like watching 4 late-night TV ad used car salesman whoring themselves for my attention.

    ♫ If you're looking for a better set of wheels
    I will stand upon my head to beat all deals!
    I will stand upon my head
    Till my ears are turning red!!
    Go see Cal! Go see Cal! Go see Cal! ♫

    See y'all tomorrow.

  36. FakaktaSouth

    When will these people learn THERE IS NO EQUIVOCATION EVER for Rs. NONE. No reasonable degrees, no sometimes things happen, no nothing. BLACK AND WHITE, but really only white. I dig Rick gettin' booed. Eaarrrmmmaaarrkkkss…wolf calls, boos. Idiots.

  37. Jukesgrrl

    I wish they'd stop talking about this "Bridge to Nowhere." Yes, it did take awhile until it hooked up with other highways, but now it's one of the most important roads in Pittsburgh. It takes you over the Allegheny to go to Heinz Field, PNC Park, the Andy Warhol Museum, the Science Museum, etc., etc. That's not nowhere.

  38. CogitoErgoBibo

    So much sexxy talk. Earmarks. Line-item veto. Ooooo. Talk dirrty, dirrty state windfalls to me.

  39. FROTHY

    I'm not criticizin', I'm not criticizin'

    and the Ronulans are totally losing it because the moderator WOULDN'T LET PAUL SPEAK!!! Jesus, what a bunch of turds.

  40. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Bill Clinton signed a line-item veto, you ninnies…and the Supremes struck it down. But yeah, we should TOTES pass it all over again.

  41. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Newt explains earmarks in the form of small children fighting over who got the biggest pop tart.

    Here's elderly racist Ronald Paulus, this should be fun.

  42. Jukesgrrl

    I was under the impression that having Federal money appropriated to their respective states is one of the most important jobs of Congressional reps. If they don't do it, they are usually fired by The People.

  43. V572 Flambé

    I love listening to these assholes arguing about why earmarks aren't pork, when it is the one and only thing they are, and that they undermine rational programming and spending of Federal $.

  44. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I will vote for anyone who promises to prosecute Newt Gingrich for Crimes Against the English Language.

    1. Tilley

      Yes, I noticed that … the presidency of which they dare not speak its name … for so many good reasons

  45. V572 Flambé

    Rick says he opposed both bailouts. So what he'd say to an autoworker who kept is job is, "Fuck you, asshole. I've got mine."

  46. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah, Rick Santorum alienates Michigan.

    SAY WHY BUSH WAS WRONG, YOU FUCKWIT

    Rick, Rick, Rick – do you have any idea what would have happened if the banks had collapsed? *Any* idea? Dipfuck.

  47. CogitoErgoBibo

    "You auto workers do not deserve jobs. We shouldn't have bailed you guys out. It's a complete affront to justice, angels and Jesus himself that the bailout worked. Quit your jobs immediately."

  48. finallyhappy

    Not watching tv- trying to use this borrowed iPad . I don't think I want to spend whatever these things cost. Maybe I'll just steal one next time I am on metro.

  49. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    I sure wish we'd had a proper Depression.

    Just think what it would have done for folk music, for instance.

  50. BaldarTFlagass

    I always thought that a "circle jerk" was an apocryphal term, or an urban legend, or a punk band from L.A. I never would have guessed they are a real phenomenon.

  51. C_R_Eature

    Ricky: Government bailouts work, they saved jobs and companies and whole regional economies and prevented a depression but they suck because I don't like them and they don't fit in my ideological box. So there.

  52. DustBowlBlues

    Hello. I stopped by briefly because the old man pisses and moans when I watch this shit with him in the room. Have I missed anything good? Shit. Mittens fucking hates auto workers, doesn't he? Fuck them and their cushy pensions.

  53. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah crap Willard, you got called on this bullshit by fucking Bob Lutz just the other day.

    That's right Willard. Blame the unions. It must have been the unions.

    1. Tilley

      For so many reasons.

      Hey, just occurred to me — wonder who Shrubya, the Elder Statesman (guffaw guffaw snort) will endorse? Talk about yer kiss o' death.

  54. V572 Flambé

    Mitt says voting for the airline bailout after 9/11 was okay, because he (occasionally) flies on airlines. But his cars are made in Stuttgart and his money's safe in the Caymans.

  55. DustBowlBlues

    Hello. I stopped by briefly because the old man pisses and moans when I watch this shit with him in the room. Have I missed anything good? Shit. Mittens fucking hates auto workers

    1. Gainsbourg69

      Gov. Snyder is closer to the fire than these fucks and he says the auto bail out worked. Who the fuck is advising these morons?

    2. SudsMcKenzie

      The Great Lakes, the little lakes that dot the countryside, ohhh, and the tree's.

      Hopey is crushing them in MI and WI right now.

  56. Tilley

    The fuck kind of pretzel logic is Sanitorium shoveling out there now? "On principle I oppose bailouts, so therefore because the one Obama supported with the auto industry and saved autoworkers jobs was successful I win and Mitt doesn't because he supported it"? Then he sits there making faces at Mittens' responses like he's Chevy Chase on SNL Weekend Update?? huh?

  57. DustBowlBlues

    "Giving" companies to the UAW? Then why did the UAW cut their own wages and benefits so much? That doesn't make any sense, since they own the industry.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Mittens has nailed that creepy laugh. He does it while he's being compared to pig shit, to show what a cool, aloof patrician he truly is. Does it sound condescending to you? It sure does to me.

  58. Negropolis

    Man, I wish the UAW was as powerful as they say it is. The UAW hasn't been a muscular organization in decades. Yes, poor "world's largest automaker" GM being bullied by the UAW.

    Fucking clueless, the lot of them.

  59. DustBowlBlues

    This is not endearing them to organized labor, is it? I may not be able to stick this out any time at all. No wonder the old man hates it so much.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Yeah, I bailed after 1 minute. Watching American Idol reject no-talent losers now. Wait, did I change the channel?

    1. imissopus

      I thought so. Christ, he sounded like the bad guy in a Scooby-Doo cartoon. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling union auto workers!"

  60. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    OK, so I'm shouting "You fucking LIAR!!" at Mitt here, what with his COMPLETE FUCKING LIES ABOUT THE AUTO BAILOUT, and Kid Zoom says to me, "You know, Dad, what this debate is for you? It's anger porn."

    And on that note, it seems to me that maybe I maybe should not stay for the whole thing…

    Oh, shit, but the "war on religion" idiocy is up next…

    1. mayor_quimby

      There was a fetus in there for some reason, is it going to die of mercury poisoning in it's West Virginia holler?

  61. C_R_Eature

    I'm not drinking for this one. I very much regret that decision now.

    The War on Religion will set me over the edge. I just know it.

      1. Tilley

        I would go so far as to suggest that these debates are not safe for intelligent human consumption without booze.

  62. V572 Flambé

    Adiós, mis amigos. The Italian princess went to Costco today and I must head over to her villa for dinner.

    And I believe in birth control.

  63. Negropolis

    Seeing them saying let Detroit go bankrupt juxtaposed against their total moral bankruptcy is just an amazing sight.

    1. Tilley

      Yes. "Infanticide" is the wingnuts' latest Orwellian descriptor for "abortion." Because to them, any abortion = murdering a baby. Yeah whoa let's hear it for the Babykillers!

      1. yyyaz

        Yeah, amazingly their "prophet" got the word straight to his ear from gawd to let them join up just as the NCAA was about to kick their dumb asses out of big-time college sports for discrimination.

  64. C_R_Eature

    "Leagalizing Infanticide?" It's just started!

    How many lies will they be able to shoehorn into this segment?

    Ooh, let's find out!

  65. FakaktaSouth

    LIE LIE LIE. No morning after pill you cocksucking lying pos. What does that say about your position, IF YOU HAVE TO LIE?

  66. chascates

    Mitt, Catholics were considered worse than anything in the early days of the Republic! And Jews too!

  67. Jukesgrrl

    So, I take it the purpose of this abortion/birth control discussion is because it's the ONLY example they could come up with to illustrate that Obama is against religious tolerance??

  68. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Teens who are sexually active! Children being born out of wedlock! Cats and dogs living together! DRUGS!

    Get fucking Bristle Palin on the phone, rickster.

  69. CogitoErgoBibo

    Right Santorum. It's super sad when kids are born out of wedlock, so OBVIOUSLY birth control is a BAD IDEA!!!!

    1. FROTHY

      Apparently, just since Obama became President. The fact that Newt was schtupping his HS math teacher all the way through HS doesn't count.

    2. Z Crudmonger

      It starts today. Line starts here. (I'm watching the recast following ya'all 6hrs back, humour me.)

  70. Tilley

    Oh fucking hell a bunch of male shitbag conservatives sittin' 'round talkin' 'bout The Church and Birth Control. Just fucking die already.

      1. FROTHY

        Well, except for that part where your Dad is schtupping you on the side, and gives you in marriage to some buddy of his that's 100 years old, and stuff.

  71. C_R_Eature

    Horseshit, Ricky. You want to wield both Religion and Government like a club to beat everyone and everything you don't like or makes you uneasy.

        1. FROTHY

          Are you fucking kidding me? I have the patience of a piranha with its tail on fire. Any child who had to suffer me as a teacher would need a fucking lifetime of therapy.

          Of course, I'd be in jail myself on multiple charges of assault, battery, and mayhem, but, you know, that's to be expected.

  72. Fukui_sanYesOta

    No, liberals don't get upset when abstinence is taught. It's when *only* abstinence is taught that people get REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF BECAUSE IT'S STUPID

  73. chascates

    Weird. I know a lot of women who had kids out of wedlock and both child and mother are doing just fine, thank you.

    1. Negropolis

      They also never seem to talk about healthy two-parent household where the couple just simply never got formally married.

      1. FROTHY

        Those things don't EXIST. Only those BLAH people do that stuff, and it is disgusting and just plain wrong. They need to do like Newt, and just keep divorcing the wives as they get sick and marrying new ones.

  74. Tilley

    oh how touching all of a sudden, this concern for teen pregnancies, i.e., women having any say-so about their icky vaginas. Just fucking die, and that includes you, Mr. Useless Moderator Man.

  75. DustBowlBlues

    Mittens totally skipped answering whether he supported the rights to contraception, did he? John King let him slide on that one.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      He's letting them get away with a lot of bullshit. I'd love to hear him say “answer the question please”.

  76. anonymousryan

    Liberals go crazy when conservatives want to teach abstinence in school? No, we go crazy when you ONLY want to teach abstinence in school. Teach abstinence all you want, but teach about birth control and STIs, too.

  77. under_score

    Oh my ass, Massachusetts would not let Catholics put children in a home with a mom and a dad. NICE spin there, asshole

    1. FROTHY

      I can't wait for him to explain the terrible tyranny of the, you know, soshulist Swedes and Danes and Norwegians and Canadians and … so forth.

  78. CogitoErgoBibo

    I love it when Dr. Paul looks at Gingrich like he's a complete loon, even as the words, "Paul is right" are coming out of his mouth.

  79. C_R_Eature

    "Coercion of the State" Newt? Sort of like getting an Involuntary Mandatory Intravaginal probe? Kind on like that?

  80. DustBowlBlues

    "Morning After" pills should be given out freely in those "ethic" neighborhoods. Then these douches wouldn't have to worry about the negroes reproducing.

  81. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    When y'all have time to read it after this clusterfuck, check out Garry Wills' article in the NYRB:

    The bishops’ opposition to contraception is not an argument for a “conscience exemption.” It is a way of imposing Catholic requirements on non-Catholics. This is religious dictatorship, not religious freedom.

  82. FakaktaSouth

    Yes, it's all basically the same. I have an abortion EVERY FUCKING DAY. You will get these pee-ulls when you pull em out of my cold dead twat, you nasty old white men no one wants to fuck anyway.

  83. C_R_Eature

    If funds are Fungible, Ronzo, then defund all the fucking churches businesses. I'm tired of my tax dollars going to nefarious indoctrinations and lobbying towards Prop 8

  84. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Wait, abstinence only education works, Santorum?

    "During President Bush's tenure as governor of Texas from 1995 to 2000, for instance, with abstinence-only programs in place, the state ranked last in the nation in the decline of teen birth rates among 15- to 17-year-old females. Overall, the teen pregnancy rate in Texas was exceeded by only four other states. "

    1. under_score

      Word.

      signed…someone from the STD capital of Texas, where we have (yep) abstinence-only sex ed in our schools

    2. marinmaven

      In 1997, only 10 million dollars were spent on abstinence only as part of the Welfare Reform Act. In 2007, the Republican-controlled congress allotted 176 million for abstinence only programs and the Bush Administration wanted 191 million for 2008.

      Studies showed that that such programs have no effect on teenage abstinence or sexual behavior. An earlier study on abstinence only programs showed that participants delayed sexual behavior on average of 18 months and that when they do started sexual relations, they do not use any protection opening themselves and their partners to pregnancy and STDs.

      It got so bad that states were coming out and refusing the abstinence only funding.
      Santorum wrong? I am shocked!

    3. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Well, you see, if people actually WERE abstinent, then of course it would work. So clearly, abstinence-only sex ed could, in theory, work.

      Just like "don't get cancer, please" healthcare could work if only people's cells would behave a little bit, goddammit.

    4. FROTHY

      I really really really wish someone would correlate the child abuse reports with the teenage pregnancy reports. Because it's well-known among people who work with young women that those "children having children" are peculiarly ill-equipped for the task of *parenting* those children, since they themselves are still developing the enormous funds of patience and attention that every parent needs.

  85. SudsMcKenzie

    Yes Rick, abstinence programs work much better than contraceptives with teens. You fuckin unbelievable dipshit.

  86. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IF YOU WANT TO REDUCE ABORTIONS, THEN MAKE CONTRACEPTION READILY AVAILABLE!!!!!!

    PEOPLE LIKE TO FUCK. THIS IS GOING TO REMAIN A FACT NO MATTER WHO IS PRESIDENT.

    1. snoopyfan2010

      Wrong. Clinton had it right. You reduce abortions by improving social programs that assist with infant care and employment.

      1. FROTHY

        When I was growing up, teenage pregnancies were a problem. Then the government started distributing birth control at very low cost, including making abortion available on demand. They included education programs to teach young people how to avoid STDs and use contraception. In this day and age, when women make enough money to support themselves and their children, it is nobody's business whether they choose to have those children before, after, during, or without the benefit of a, marriage. It only becomes a social issue when society must pay the cost of supporting such children.

        1. snoopyfan2010

          Frothy, you must be a male unit because you actually women are paid enough to be independent. Sorry but when I see a Wanda Buffet rolling in the dough, then I will buy that it isn't a social issue. But it is. And Clinton was right, also.

          1. FROTHY

            Snoopyfan, if you are a software engineer, a lawyer, a CEO, or even a woman with a head for figures, you can make an awful lot of money. Gina Rinehart (although she inherited a good bit of family wealth) is probably the richest person in the world right now, and although Carly Fiorina is a complete tit, as is Meg Witless, both of them were making easily a hundred times more than most men. While it's still true that the average man makes more money than the average woman, we're not living in the era of MY childhood, when women were not expected to show their faces outside their homes unless chaperoned by a father, brother, or a score of duennas. My sister is a businesswoman who makes WAY more than me and always has, and I don't begrudge her that. It might have been a social issue once, but times are changing, and I do not believe that the old gender lines are as powerfully suppressive as they have, historically, been.

          2. snoopyfan2010

            I get your point but Christ, my post some typos in it. Thanks for reading between the lines. iPad is a pain sometimes.

  87. DustBowlBlues

    The GOP hates everything I like. Sen. Frothy is getting his ass kicked by the audience, isn't he? Did the LDS bus in the attendees?

  88. C_R_Eature

    It's a good thing we have all these rich white men up here onstage to hold forth on Women's reproductive biology.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      They ARE aware that women still have the right to vote, aren't they? Or is that something they plan on fixing in 2012?

        1. NellCote71

          After all, we apparently can't control our hormones, and if we turned up at the voting booths, men would just want to rape us too much.

          1. C_R_Eature

            If only Women could be trusted to do what Men tell them to do…

            True story: I was waiting in line to vote – I think for Clinton's presidential election run – in a town in one of the redder counties of Maryland. Nice old retired white couple behind me, conservatively dressed. Husband, helpfully explaining to Wife: "All you need to do is look at the Republican side of the card and vote straight down the line." I caught her eye when he wasn't looking and her expression was like "yeah, right – no fucking way." And she grinned.

  89. Tilley

    Wow, Frothy's not so popular with the Arizona tards. Stumbling all around, gettin' all booed. haw haw haw!

  90. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Santorum: "You did Romneycare!"

    Willard: "Santorum is a dick. Also, no I didn't because my bill was shorter."

  91. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    In their attempt to out-pander to the religious right, I would like to think that these fuckheads are guaranteeing Mr. Obama's reelection.

    1. Tilley

      That's really the only reason we even consider tuning in to these laff-fest horror shows, isn't it? To reinforce to ourselves the deeply private joy we have in our understanding of the lock Barry's got on a second term?

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      future idiot supporters of abstinence-only sex ed, because clearly they are INCAPABLE OF EVER LEARNING A SINGLE GODDAMN THING, LARGELY BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS!

  92. Tilley

    Okay, here's how to look at this thing: Which one of these jagoffs do we most want to see win this nomination thing and then get his ass kicked real good by Obammy? I almost hope it's Pig Newton®, just because he deserves it the most richly.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      If it weren't too late to change my registration, I'd register as a Republithug just to fuck with their elections and say rude things to the nut jobs who called me because they thought I was one of them. It's not like being a D makes any diff in OK except on the General Election, if you can even say that makes a difference in this Bible Belt Community.

  93. Tilley

    Hell-oooo! Moderator? Anyone? Has John King or whoever just wandered off, out of boredom, or irrelevancy, or out of sheer pussyhood in losing control of this mess?

  94. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Bwahahaha!!!

    SHOUTY SHOUTY SHOUT I CAN'T HEAR YOU

    Nice fucking tie, Gary Lott. Dick. "Who will protect me from Messicans?" he asks.

    1. Negropolis

      Those damned Mormons sneaking across from Utah with all those damned anchor babies and anchor wives.

      Secure the danged canyon!

        1. FROTHY

          Time to ride in there at the head of a posse and clean out all those babyrapers. You know those fuckers have an incredible history of brutalizing their own children, right? They kick out the young boys as soon as they hit puberty, and leave them to fend for themselves because they don't want to share all the underage poon. Then they divvy up the little girls.

          They need to be killed. There's no good to come from them except as fertilizer.

  95. SudsMcKenzie

    OK, a brown question, now everybody (sans Paul) say the exact opposite of what you said in Florida.

  96. CogitoErgoBibo

    "Arizona has come under attack for being racist assholes, demanding 'Vere are your papers?'" from brown people. Why don't people luv us?"

  97. DustBowlBlues

    Sen. Frothy–why has he given up on the Catholic vote? I have a smudgy cross on my forehead, and I'm a Methodist. Where is the American Pope's smudgy forehead mark?

      1. Maman

        Funny about that. Callista was shtooping Newt for six years before they finally entered into wedded bliss. Does that mean the poor lass is barren?

    1. mayor_quimby

      What the fuck is in them anyway? Just a bunch of mud and mosquitoes. You don't want malaria, DO YOU?
      …… fuck, how much longer is this thing, it's making my balls shrink

      1. FROTHY

        Then I hope your balls are so goddamn big you need a wheelbarrow to carry them around, because these motherfuckers are gonna be caterwauling JUST like this until November.

  98. FakaktaSouth

    The number one comment I have heard since the ridiculous Alabama Immigration law made all the Mexicans disappear is "Our soccer team sucks now." There's not a lot of fence lust here. I guess that's hot in AZ still?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      They all learned from the Pete Wilson fiasco that Mexican hating doesn't win votes in that big old liberal state.

  99. CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh lord. The whole GOP stance on immigration comes down to "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors." Robert Frost will make sure you all suffer in the afterlife. Seriously.

  100. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ahahaha, moving half the DHS people in DC to the border? They're going to fucking love that, Newty!

    1. mayor_quimby

      Sell my McMansion in Arlington to buy an adobe ranch in NM, I don't fucking think so. Plus, I'd have to send my kid to school with all the browns. (well, different browns from the DC kinds)

  101. DustBowlBlues

    Apricot dildo farms? I take it Newell is doing the live blog tonight. And that he hates these people as much as he did lastl time he did a live blog for "our" the wonket.

  102. C_R_Eature

    Are we seriously talking about construction of a Berlin Wall on our southern border? Again? Still? This makes me sad, for a whole number of reasons.

  103. anonymousryan

    Wasn't the trouble Sheriff Arpaio got into with the Federal Government NOT INVESTIGATING CHILD MOLESTATION?!

  104. C_R_Eature

    Hey, let's ask Georgia farmers how their anti-immigrant legislation's workin' out for them, shall we?

  105. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    OK, well, between yelling at the fuckers in the debate and yelling at the fucking laptop which can't seem to keep a wireless signal, I am kind of scaring Kid Zoom. (Really, the tech issue is far more irritating!)

    But the boy is right–this is just anger porn, and it is not good for me. I'll read about these shitheads tomorrow and for now, it's on to pizza and West Wing on DVD for the Zoom household. Au revoir, you filthy fuckaducks!

    1. not that Dewey

      Little Suzie wanted to watch youtube videos of Olympic gymnasts and high-divers, so we did that, and ate some marshmallow hearts, then played Go Fish. It was vastly more gratifying that anything involving Republicans.

  106. FakaktaSouth

    Hispanic friends of Newt's in the import/export business are just like George Costanza – they don't really exist either.

  107. chascates

    Hey, how about bringing up something about how NAFTA fucked up all the half-way decent jobs in Mexico, which lead to a dramatic rise in illegal migration from there?

  108. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah, one word self-descriptions, this should be fucking ace

    Newt: LARD
    Mittens: ROBOT
    Santorum: POPE
    Ron Paul: MAD AS A FUCKING BADGER

  109. C_R_Eature

    Remember that hippee who wanted to be paid to embarrass Mitt onstage? I wonder if it's too late to pay him to run up and pants Gingrich?

  110. anonymousryan

    I love the Employee Right's Act commercial. "Who voted for unions?" "Probably fucking useless old people!! HAW HAW!"

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      That was ace, wasn't it?

      Vote to cripple your union so we can lay you the fuck off! (C) Koch Industries

  111. chascates

    I'm watching a PBS special on whales and dolphins with the sound off and THEY are making more sense than the 'Final Four' are!

    1. Carrabuda

      They've run those during several of the debates. That dialogue makes it sound as if labor unions were doing nothing to protect workers' rights in the workplace. Oh, wait.

      1. Negropolis

        I don't know. It looks downright tame and cogent, now, compared with what we've been lambasted with these past months.

  112. DustBowlBlues

    During this badly needed break, I have to share a brief conversation with someone. A friend from my grad school days called from Seattle. We were talking about the crazy Rs and I was painting the party with the crazy, crazy paint. She actually said, "That's just the fringe. That's not all conservatives. I said, "Ann, you have no idea what modern American conservatism is. That fringe you're talking about IS the GOP today. They courted the fundy Xians beginning 1980, then the Teabaggers and now the Frankenstein they created owns them."

    I am so smart. Amirite?

    1. FROTHY

      Totes. Why don't THEY see it, tho? I have friends who call themselves Republicans. Admittedly, they're *very* moderate on social issues and somewhat more conservative on fiscal issues, and they make good points about feeling frustrated with the spendage on schools with no evidence of improvement, huge salaries for administrators and regular fee increases in institutions of higher learning, etc.

      Yet when I say to these people, are you fucking kidding me, why would you even want to identify with these people, they hate you for the colour of your skin or your gender or your sexual preference or your religion, they actually defend these bozos. Most of these people will not go to the polls for any of these candidates.

    1. FROTHY

      Well, no. If the filthy slutwhores are birthing children, it means they dropped those aspirins they were supposed to be holding between their knees.

    1. FROTHY

      Hopey told them that FOUR YEARS AGO. He said, "You need to tone down the inflammatory rhetoric, because you're painting yourselves into a corner. You're making it impossible for yourselves to work with me, because your constituents will not accept your doing so if you keep using this type of language."* They're so insane with hate for him that they cannot hear anything he has to say, even when it would benefit them to do so.

      *Paraphrased

  113. CogitoErgoBibo

    Women in the military? We're debating that? Oh. They're actually supposed to stay home and birth them babiez, right? I don't speak fluent GOP Crazzzzzy.

  114. chascates

    Hezbollah is NOT in Mexico or Honduras.

    And Syria is not 'in flux', it's in the Middle East you tit!

  115. Maman

    If Mittens respect others' religious beliefs why has he posthumously baptized people? Has he celestially married dead spinsters too?

  116. DustBowlBlues

    Newt–attacking the moderator, as usual. Didn't John King learn his lesson last time? Oops, now we have to get women out of the police, the firefighters and the Nat'l Guard.

  117. RadioSBJ

    Newt, blah, blah, blah, Obama is dangerous,blah, blah, blah Obama is a tyrant, blah, blah, blah, the social engineers of Obama…..

    1. ttommyunger

      12 by the time I got to it (11pm). Reading every comment, as usual. Much better than actually watching the real thing.

      1. Crank_Tango

        Sticking your dick in the toaster would be much better than watching the real thing, I imagine…Sent from my iPhone

  118. EdFlintstone

    I cant wait for this republican utopia of a 20% tax cut, increased military spending and a balanced budget. It's why I'm eating more and exercising less to lose weight.

  119. CogitoErgoBibo

    "I'm an average citizen in AZ, so naturally what keeps me up at night is the threat of a nuclear Iran. Not whether the 90 year old driver next to me is going to stroke out and kill my entire family. Because it's Arizona. McCain. Need I say more?"

  120. Negropolis

    The president did impose crippling sanctions against Iran that are working.

    I hate these guys with the heat of a thousand Chris Christie farts.

  121. FakaktaSouth

    Should our leadership, like Eric Cantor and my own Spencer Bachus, et al, should they stop speculating on oil futures with the Koch Brothers – since demand is actually down right now, and therefore prices should be too? Or just bomb Iran?

  122. C_R_Eature

    It's just so cute to hear Mittens holding forth on foreign policy, just like a big boy who knows what he's talking about

  123. DustBowlBlues

    What are they doing now? I took a brief timeout to read about Marie Colvin. Now I'm a little sick. Last night she told CNN that Syria's was the worst war she ever covered. What a great journalist. She makes my love, C. Amanpour, look lame. Of course, the latter hasn't been blown up, has she? So there's that.

  124. RadioSBJ

    Obama has been giving centrifuges and spent fuel rods to Iran. He also is a muslim who has buttsechs with Akmidenjhad.

      1. Designer_Rants

        I was picking up the wife's pillz the other day and Obama came outta nowhere and just slapped 'em right outta my hand! Then he told me "Satan Rulez, Christians Droolz!"

        It was, frankly, terrifying.

    1. Negropolis

      That's what it boils down to. The only reason they hate "radical Islam" is because it's competition against their own radical theology.

        1. Negropolis

          Unfortunately, they already have, and they've calculated that a Catholic Santorum is better than a Mormon or a Blah, even if the Santorum hates them.

          1. Negropolis

            It may be the great whore of Babylon, but sure as the day comes Obama is the anti-Christ.

            Plus, Protestants love a good whore no and again. Also. Too.

  125. user-of-owls

    This fucking death march to Iran has drained all the joy right out of me. I just can't take this vulgarity any more. Count me out.

  126. DustBowlBlues

    Why does the world hate us? Maybe because these dipshits and their ilk attack Obama because he bailed on one of our Tyrant buddies in Egypt. Sure, it sucked for the actual Egyptians, but it was convenient for us when Mubarak was in charge.

  127. CogitoErgoBibo

    Okay. Small, teeny bit of praise. At least these guys say "nuclear" instead of "nucular." Dubya used to drive me nuts with that.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Sad, that it's the best thing you can say about them. Kudos for seeing a drop of water left in the glass instead of saying there was nothing in the glass.

  128. C_R_Eature

    Paul the Foreign Policy Heretic Gets Booed! THOUGHTCRIME DOUBLEPLUS BAD!

    Declaration of War – WILD CHEERS!!

    Who the fuck are these horrible people?

    1. yyyaz

      Just a perfectly representative sampling of the 59.9 million fuckwits who voted for Walnuts/Tundra Twat 2008.

  129. Designer_Rants

    Rick gets all sourpuss when RP states a fact: "We don't even know if they have a nuclear weapon." Then he grabs his weird notepad full of bikini-zones cutout from doctor's office waiting room magazines and jots down something quick and stupid. I enjoyed that.

    1. Data Exactly

      He probably wanted to slurp down a microphone out of frustration, but can't at that moment, so he just played with his pen some. There will be make up sex however!

  130. Negropolis

    Three words: Osama Bin Laden.

    Ask him how "weak" Obama is on "radical Islam," you shameless bastards.

  131. C_R_Eature

    Newt: Drill Everywhere! Replace the EPA (with what?), send other, foreign peoples kids into Syria to get killed (covertly!) Our Allies are in Terrible Danger!

    Invade the Moon!

    1. Designer_Rants

      We can thank that billionaire casino asshole and Mrs. asshole for pumping 20 million into his campaign and for him still being around. They're just doing it for the lulz.

  132. EdFlintstone

    Paul-"going to war is risky and reckless.'' Yeah Ron, but republican voters at heart are a bunch of pretend tough guys, wearing american flag golf shirts, who wet their bed at the first mention of the new boogey man.

  133. Negropolis

    Pelosi on Rachel concerning voter restrictions: Don't agonize, organize.

    I'm going to remember that one. A regular Johnny Cochran, this one.

  134. DustBowlBlues

    Mittens sounds like he's proud he learned some Middle East–wait–Is he saying we should be on the side of Assad? Are you shitting me?

  135. SudsMcKenzie

    Newt, you lying sack of puss, the US has 21 billion barrels of oil in reserve. Saudi Arabia has 261. I want to stuff you in the trunk of a Volt.

  136. Negropolis

    Santorum is fucking stupid. He's admitted multiple times, tonight, that he voted for purely political reasons. You don't say that shit.

  137. anonymousryan

    Rick Santorum regrets support for No Child Left Behind, promises to leave all children behind if he's elected president.

    1. RadioSBJ

      The result of 50 years + of unrelenting, insidious warfare on the unions. You would think they were baby killers or something. ; )

  138. rocktonsam

    I watched 2 minutes of the "debate," with John King,

    I finally understand the term," tongue punch fart box.

    good night

    1. Jukesgrrl

      One of the parents is supposed to stay home and school the children. Meanwhile if one of the parents isn't working, where will they get the money to feed the babbies?

      1. FROTHY

        Not from ENTITLEMENTS and HANDOUTS the filthy Poorz! Can't those slackers work a few dozen MOAR jobs? And put those kids to janitorializing those schools and displaying those true American values that have our jobs in our hearts also too.

  139. chascates

    Teachers don't need to know how students learn! Just beat the Ten Commandments into them and tell 'em to get to work.

    1. FROTHY

      We're living in the 21st century when you pretty much can't *get* a job without tertiary education, preferably in science/math. And these morons would like us back in caves, picking fleas off each other.

  140. DustBowlBlues

    Republics have been anti-education in OK for a good 50 years, and their opposition has rewarded them handsomely. The dumber they are, the easier for the rich capitalists to rob them.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Kids in AZ can drop out after 10th grade no matter how old they are. Age to marry is 16 with parental permission, 18 without. AZ has highest dropout rate in the nation.