Mitt Romney is “reintroducing himself” to the conservative base after running for president for six to seven years. He comes bearing the most creative of new economic plans: A big sloppy tax cut to throw in everyone’s fat faces.

His previous 59-point plan of modest technocratic tweaks, anchored by a large cut to investment income taxation rates for those earning under $200,000 per year — precisely what the proletariat needs right now! — wasn’t nearly bold and Reagan-y enough for the blowhards. So now he’s got this new thing where he’ll just slash every tax bracket by 20 percent — not to be confused with “20 percentage points,” which Romney certainly hopes people will confuse it with.

Here’s the simple plan as devised by economist Glenn Hubbard, the same jerk who designed the Bush tax cuts during his time at the White House. Since those cuts have done such a marvelous job of destroying the country, Romney will provide a second obnoxiously large version of it:

Romney’s top economic adviser, Glenn Hubbard, said the plan would cut all six current tax brackets — 10, 15, 25, 28, 33, and 35 percent, depending on a taxpayer’s income — by the same proportion of 20 percent. That would produce this new set of tax brackets: 8, 12, 20, 22.4, 26.4, and 28 percent. “It’s a marginal rate cut for every American,” Hubbard said.

But — and this is a deeply unRepublican thing — he apparently plans to offset this megabuttload of trillions of dollars in additional tax cuts by stripping some high-end deductions:

But he added that Romney is committed to making his plan both “revenue neutral” – meaning it won’t add to the budget deficit — and “distributionally neutral” – meaning that it won’t shift the tax burden from upper-income Americans to middle and working class Americans. Since the largest benefits from rate reduction would go to upper income taxpayers, so will the burdens of “base broadening” reductions in existing deductions needed to keep the government from hemorrhaging revenue, he explained.

The math here would seem to require reducing or eliminating some of the bigger lower- and middle-class deductions and credits to neutralize this hilariously large tax cut, though. Common sense suggests that this is how things would play out, too, with the lower- and middle-classes subsidizing tax cuts for the rich as the final product of a legislative process assembled specifically to ensure that doesn’t happen.


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  • nounverb911

    Tax cuts for the 1%, everyone else, not so much.

    • everyone else gets the option to provide death benefits for their family by getting killed in Iran

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Tax cuts for the 1%, miniature American flags for others!

  • nounverb911

    Do you get a discount for keeping your money in Switzerland?

    • Or the Caymans.

    • Callyson

      Offshore tax havens are people too, my friend.

  • Barb

    And what does Mitt-Wit think the Government will run on? Coupons for a super duper hug and a half priced Subway sammie?

    • I recommend Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupons. We have trillions of them.

      • Packs of pink plastic donation bags for AmVets, which I keep forgetting to fill w/ donated items & take out to the curb (despite their helpful calendar imprint of pickup dates)?

        Meh.. at least yours is recyclable. Mine only holds recyclables.

    • You have to remember: deficits are only a problem when a Democrat is president. The day before Obama was elected, the Republicans had no problem with huge deficits and running up the national debt – it was really the only thing they were good at. Cheney even said "Reagan proved that deficits don't matter."

      Then Obama was elected and the national debt became an existential crisis that took precedent over everything else. It was a sword of Damocles, and if we didn't deal with it immediately we were all going to die.

      So, the day Mitt Romney becomes president the crisis will be resolved, because on that day deficits will cease to matter and the Republicans will be free to do what they do best, and our national debt will continue on the trajectory established by Republicans since Reagan and we will soon see $20 trillion in national debt, $80 trillion, $100 trillion, to infinity and beyond, and it won't be of any concern at all.

      That's why only Republicans can promise deep and wild tax cuts. Because deficits are only a problem when Democrats are in charge.

      Why do I always have to explain this stuff? Pay attention, people.

      • iburl

        Obama is black, also.

        • chicken_thief

          And uppity.

  • SorosBot

    How quaint, he thinks the middle class has investment income.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, he doesn't know anybody who doesn't.

    • Betcha ten thou they do!

  • DaRooster

    "Glenn Hubbard, said the plan would cut all six current tax brackets… "

    That guy stole my fucking bicycle when I was 13… at least he is still in the same basic line of work with Romney… he should be good at it by now.

  • needz more 9s

  • YouBetcha

    Needs more culture war.

  • YouBetcha

    Do you feel the trickle yet? I feel the trickle. I definitely feel the trickle. It's running down my leg.

    • If only this Mor(m)on had run down his mother's.

    • Negropolis

      Well, then, you shouldn't have gotten all wee-wee'd up. Serves you right.

  • Joshua Norton

    He was ready to make a deal with Satan, but then Ann Coulter endorsed him, so that would have just been redundant.

  • mrpuma2u

    Ugh. It's no 9 9 9 plan but it still wants me to put Mittens on a plane to Uz- bekka bekka bekka stan, or on a bus to a rough part of Detroit or Chicago. Both would be places he never set foot in before.

  • PuckStopsHere

    It is ham-handed for this guy to use the term "twenty percent" as it tends to remind everyone of his remarkably consistent approval rating among the following demographic: "Likely Republican Voters".

  • edgydrifter

    Revenue and distributionally neutral? So Mitt's big plan to save America is a complicated tax reorganization that according to its architects results in nothing different from what we currently have?? Holy three-card Monte–the con is strong in this one.

    • Did some brave reporter stand up and ask, "Well then why in the fuck should we bother doing it?!" Of course not.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Actually, it's better than that – to make it revenue neutral, he claims there will be savings from elimination of the ACA. Which translates to lower funding of Medicaid, no more donut hole coverage for seniors, no efforts to bring down the cost of private insurance and basically a guarantee that only the very rich will keep anything lower tax rights might save them. Being revenue neutral doesn't make it anywhere close to impact neutral.

    • the con is strong in this one.

      You don't make a quarter-billion in "consulting" without having serious grifting skills.

  • Antispandex

    You guys just don't get it. If you cut taxes for the rich, they will create jobs…because they are the job creators…did a poor person ever give you a job?…see that's why we have the worlds greatest economy. Aw shit, I can't keep this up, it's just to stupid. How do they do it?

    • FNMA

      Take an ice-pick and poke it into your forehead and the rest is easy…

    • rickmaci

      Santorum for brains.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Everyone pays lower taxes and it's revenue neutral — mathematics may not allow for such miracles, but Mormonomics sure does!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, it worked for Bush.

      Oh, wait, it didn't…

    • nounverb911

      Do you get to double your deduction for tithes?

    • PubOption

      Since heaven gets bigger every time the Mormons fill it by retroactive baptism, government income will increase if we shuffle tax cuts around.
      Is that what you mean by Mormonomics?

  • Schmannnity

    Don't piss on my leg and try to tell me it's trickle down.

    • mrpuma2u

      The terms I have been trying to spread are"Tinkle down" economics, or the "Golden Shower" model.

    • These guys are aiming a lot higher, dood.

      • Schmannnity

        Thanks to BPH, they can't reach that high anymore.

        • Ow.

          • Schmannnity

            You changed your name? Can you guarantee that you have done in in Mitt like Palin and BTO?

          • No, unfortunately. But I'm willing to turn BACK into MittBorg as soon as this dipshit's done for.

  • rickmaci

    Hey, Wonkette. Your Mittens pic is a bit dated, you need to get one with the terrified retriever on the roof.

  • I don't have time to think about money. Someone's probably having an abortion RIGHT NOW.

  • Mahousu

    Plus, every dollar* you invest in a private equity firm like Bain Capital will be tax-exempt. Doesn't matter if you make $20,000 or $20 million, it's all tax-free!

    (* Please note, Bain does not accept individual "dollars." The minimum investment is $1 million, or, preferably, 900,000 Swiss Francs.)

  • "… keep the government from hemorrhaging revenue…"

    Romney hasn't been paying attention. The TP'ers only want the government to have enough money to install vagina-cams in half of all Americans. (Big Brother is wanking.)

    Hey! Romney wants to balance the Federal budget the same way I balance my budget. By bringing home less money.

    Ya know, the numbers just don't add up. Of course, arithmetic is not scientifically proven. And not in the bible.

    • What's wrong with you, dood? Didn't you hear Santorum say that it's LIBERALS who are anti-science? *

      (*Srsly. He said that.)

  • SheriffRoscoe

    You silly libtards aren't figuring in the pending war with Iran which will actually enrichen us.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No doubt it will pay for itself, also.

      • chicken_thief

        They'll welcome us as liberators!!!

      • Preferred Customer

        We can use all the money left over from the Iraq war paying for itself.

        Speaking of which, aren't imperialist wars of aggression supposed to result in a net gain of revenue for the imperial power? Isn't that why empires arose, in the first place?

        We are doing it so wrong.

  • hollywooddood

    "Reintroducing himself = blowing up his whoopee cushion again.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Let's do the math here:
    Billionaire gets 20% tax cut worth $10,000,000
    Working-class schlub gets 20% tax cut worth $600

    Nope, I don't see no change in distribution. Do you?

    • FLAT TAX! FLAT TAX! GUH DUH *puke*

      Every 4 years or so, as working-class conservative friends work themselves in to a lather over the latest version of Rich Guy's Scam, called "A Flat Tax," I have to ask them why on earth we would have a flat rate of wealth redistribution on a hockey-stick curve of wealth and income distribution?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        These lunks need 10 minutes of intense concentration to get the general drift of one line on a graph — you won't get far asking them to compare two superimposed lines having two separate Y-axes, in their heads, AND then draw a conclusion.

  • jus_wonderin

    Though, I am not a tax man, I am had it up to fuckin' here that cutting taxes will get the economy/debt problems fixed. It hasn't worked for the previous 8 years, bi-gosh.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This guy is so fucking smart! I can't wait for him to implement his plans!!! What could possibly go wrong?

    • Why? Why do you tempt me to spend the next six YEARS replying to this comment?

  • coolhandnuke

    The next flip in Williard's floppy shit bag of tricks will be a flat rate tithing tax system.

  • Lucidamente1

    As long as car roof dog crate expenses are deductible, it's all good.

  • SoBeach

    Is there nothing a tax cut can't cure?

    Meh. Reduce my rate by 20% and I'll STILL be sending twice as much of my income to the gubment as Mitt.

    My advice to Mitt is to avoid the subject of taxes at all costs, unless he's talking about fixing things so he pays as much of his sit-on-his-ass income in taxes as I pay on my work-my-ass-off income.

  • MissTaken

    Ugh. I'm at the point where we should just cut all the richie rich's tax rates to 0% for 5 years while also going to war with everyone who has a bit of melanin. Then when the entire economy goes to shit – which it will – we can point at them at say "See you fucktards! We told you you can't just reduce taxes on the rich and think it will solve all the problems! Now shut the fuck up and pay your damn share!"

    • SorosBot

      But by that point the US would be burning and it would be too late to fix it – either that or the guillotines will have been brought out.

      I;m thinking we might try the old Roman money-raising tactic of Proscriptions – name some of the richest people as enemies of the state, with rewards for information leading to their death, and all their wealth would become property of the state. Deficit solved!

      • HistoriCat

        I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  • CivicHoliday

    Glenn Hubbard's daddy L. Ron told him that once he could achieve widening the income gap to greater than 600%, he would get his own quasar in the afterlife. Also, he'd get to sleep with Tom Cruise. It's a win-win, really.

  • Lucidamente1

    What about earnings from $10,000 bets?

    • DoktorThompson

      The same as it's always been: 50% to hookers, 50% to blow.

      • Men in congress want to have hookers classified as non-profits making money spent on them deductible. Blow jobs will be treated like the tote bags and coffee mugs you get from public television.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So the 15% tax rate on Mitt's $54,000/day personal money pipe goes to 12%, right?
    Then the fucker is going to be all "Hey, but I got fewer deductions!" Meaning, at best, he was forced to pay the whole 12%.
    Is the GOPtard base THAT stupid?

    (Rhetorical question, people. Rhetorical question.)

  • Clever! I wonder if any other Repub thought of tax cuts? So original!

  • mavenmaven

    Too late Mitt. Its all about condoms now. Cutting contraception benefits is the only cut that matters to the "base".

  • It's wild how much millionaires will spend to make sure their meat-puppet-in-chief will keep the government's filthy hands off their money.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Fireworks Rmoney will be really firing up the base with this one!

    • chicken_thief

      I can't wait to see the "Romney tops Santorum" headlines once he overtakes him in the polls!

  • Is there not a SINGLE new thing that these idiots can say or do? NOT ONE? NOT FUCKING ONE?

    Barack Obama keeps coming up with creative, brilliant solutions to many of our problems. The contraception move was just amazing. It gave women something they've wanted and needed since 1965 – guaranteed universal access to contraception — with minimal impact on anyone who doesn't approve of contraception for religious reasons.

    Can't these dumb motherfuckers come up with ONE SINGLE IDEA that is not recycled shit from forty years ago? Fuck you, Mint RMONEY. You have SO lost this already.

  • Preferred Customer

    I personally favor the following tax brackets: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, & 42.

    • not that Dewey


    • I'd go for something more like 4, 8, 15, 23, 42, and 65.

  • Preferred Customer

    Also, I "look forward" to hearing Mitt "introduce" this "plan" to us during tonight's "debate."

    I think I just broke my quote key.

  • Ducksworthy

    Can we vote for Mittens as President of Lichtenstein? Mmm. Lichtenstein.

  • chicken_thief

    In other Mitt news, he also doubled down on his "people are envious of the rich" today. I think that will play really well in MI…

  • IceCreamEmpress


    This is either a command to him or a call to action by the people of America to put him in a cage on our national roof rack before he shits on us any more.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Bobblehead Mitt is 20% more interesting than actual Mitt.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Don't fall for it. Romney just wants to get his fees out of the country and then Bankrupt it and sell the assets off to China and India. It's how he rolls.

  • owhatever

    I'm so conservative that I want to go to war over Quemoy and Matsu.
    I've been a conservative all my life, and in the previous one, too,.
    Everybody on my private Mormon planet is conservative.
    I'm so conservative that I don't even like the word "taxes," and favor "gummint-theft rates."
    I'm so conservative that I'm a proud card-carrying member of the KKK. I mean, the NRA.
    OK Now? Cleared that up? Pliz, pliz now vote for me, you unwashed, ignorant conservatives.

  • Take two tax cuts and call me in the morning.

    • Negropolis

      If one is able to wake up in the morning after OD'ing on tax cuts.

  • MinAgain

    A man who caused his dog to poop all over his car is promising a trickle down tax policy. The jokes just write themselves.

  • WE already knew all that, but dammit if I'm not going to just copy and paste the whole thing on a conservative friends' pertinent facebook thread.

    So when I do that I just attribute like this: ~commenter. Does it even matter, or is there some proper etiquette to crediting anonymous internet avatars?

  • ttommyunger

    Must not have posed for this shot in Michigan, his home "town"; those trees are definitely not the right height.

  • Then why do I have to keep EXPLAINING it? Do you think I type comments like this just to vent my frustration to an uncaring world as lame compensation for my political impotence and generally inconsequential role in the real world? Is that what you think? No, I'm here to educate you people. I may be the Messiah.

  • Negropolis

    You get a tax cut, and you get a tax cut; everybody gets a taxcut!

  • DahBoner

    Tax Cuts for Magic Underwears?

    America paying good money for Religious Cult accessories is Separation of Church and Stste, my friends…

  • So Glenn Hubbard doesn't give a shit about his old mother and her dog?

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