this has nothing to do with the election

Mitt Romney’s Son Kept Fish In Water Bottle During Cross Country Trip

Animal people listen up! Mitt Romney’s son Craig, of shirtless fame, kept a lil’ fish in his water bottle during his 2009 cross-country trip, just like they strapped that dog on the roof. But is it really “just like” that? No one cares about a fucking fish.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. MittBorg

      For all we know, it was a candiru, and Craig let it swim up for yux once in a while.

      Yeah, he's a needledick, he *could* get it into a water bottle.

  1. Mahousu

    What did they do with that furry daughter/son/? on the trip? Or is this one of those questions that shouldn't be asked?

  2. chascates

    The fish died quickly but was baptized a Mormon and now lives on a water planet where he has 72 female goldfish!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Are there predators on Mormon planets?

      Because fish being fish, it's going to get very crowded, very quickly.

      (Mormons being Mormons, they won't be far behind on their own planets, especially with that living forever thing — is there no mention from Moroni about how this little problem is supposed to get solved?)

  3. SayItWithWookies

    It wasn't just in a water bottle — it was in a water bottle hanging from his bumper. If this is what the Massachusetts moderates the Romneys do to their animals, Republicans, just imagine what they're going to do to your fetus!

          1. Barb

            I had to take Jeff to the Urgent Care today. He has strep throat and they are testing him for a staph infection. We are feeble little Webbles and taking care of each other by patting each other on the forehead every hour or so. It's the best we can do, LOL!

            How are you Flaming?

          2. Barb

            On the way home from the doctor we drove into the neighborhood and saw tons of "lost dog" posters. We found the dog as we went to the mailbox. We called the number on the poster and waited for the lady to come and she was the chattiest person I've ever met. She was trying to stuff a reward in Jeff's pants, lol.

          3. RadioSBJ

            Just another reason we all luv you here Barb. A cat as your avatar — so I'm guessing you're a cat person — and both you guys recuperating and yet you find and return a lost dog.
            Mrs. Radio and I saw The Artist last night — she liked it more than me, but I thought the dog in it was pretty cool.

          4. flamingpdog

            Been better. I've had problems off and on the last couple of years with a food allergy but I could never pin it down to what food. I think I finally figured out last night that it's carrots. Hopefully I'm right and I won't have this problem anymore. Gettin' old is not for the oldz!

  4. randcoolcatdaddy

    They also made this cross country trip without luggage and a change of clothes so Mitt could fit his loose change in the trunk.

  5. el_donaldo

    No one cares about a fucking fish, says Newell. Well, first they came for the fishes, and I was quiet because I wasn't a fish. And do you know how that ends? Huh, do ya?

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I had a gold fish once as a kid. Won it from in contest at my grade school's fall festival. I got tired of cleaning it's bowl so often, I decided to "set it free" by letting it loose in the creek near our house. I still feel quilty about that. So that's why I've never kept fish since.

      1. MittBorg

        My child, you have an overdeveloped conscience. I prescribe four weeks with some Young Republicans. That should cure you.

        By the end of that period, you'll be ready willing and able to napalm the little fuckers without a twinge.

  6. arihaya

    Cruelty toward animals is genetic?

    at this rate I will not be surprised if Mittens' grandson used hamster as golf training ball

  7. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    My pet fish, Darth Betta, plans on writing a strongly-worded letter to the ASPCA about this.

  8. MissTaken

    This pisses me the fuck off! I've been trying for weeks now to get a little betta fish, and you know what? Can't fucking find a little fish in the East Bay. What the hell? All I want is a little bowl with some rocks, a plastic tree, and a little fish swimming around. And this douchenozzle is walking around with one in his water bottle? For fuck's sake.

      1. MissTaken

        Sadly, not joking. We do have the above stores but nobody except high end pet shops carry live fish. Walmart has fish food, but no fish. So obnoxious!

    1. usernameguy

      Since you're being serious, I will say that you don't want a "little bowl" for two reasons:
      1.) It's much easier to maintain water quality with a larger tank, and
      2.) Contrary to popular myth, bettas don't like small bowls. They can survive (for a time), but not thrive.

      I would recommend at least a 10-gallon tank, with live plants. Plants are a little more work, but bettas like to rest and hide among the plants, and they'll help get rid of chemicals your fish doesn't like. Also, you want a relatively tight-fitting lid (some bettas like to jump). Finally, you should learn how to cycle your tank (to grow the bacteria that eliminates ammonia) BEFORE you get a fish, which takes a couple of months to complete. One thing fish-keeping has taught me is patience.

  9. C_R_Eature

    What they left out of the article is that the fish is a Betta (Betta splendens) also commonly known as a Siamese fighting fish.

    The ugly truth is that Craig was working the Fishfighting circuit. These poor creatures are selectively bred and trained to kill and there's lots of money to be made.

    The carnage is terrible, the Losers "dissapear" and Long John Silver's Tells No Tales.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Long John Silver's : What's for Dinner

        Long Dong Silver: What's on Clarence Thomas' VCR

        Easy mistake.

  10. CthuNHu

    Meanwhile, Ann Romney rolls her eyes and tells herself there's no way her kids will be stupid enough to facebook the picture of her duct-taping the cat to the station wagon's antenna for better reception — not that there was anything wrong with that.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      She forces her horses to perform extremely tedious dressage routines over and over, that's her contribution to the family's animal-hating.

    1. MiniMencken

      Guess you kids don't remember the great scene in "A Fish Named Wanda" or my comments aren't that pop-culturally relevant. Or maybe I am just a sad, alcohol-sodden loner looking for afirmation from the Wonkettariot and not finding it, causing me to slip ever more deeply into my pool of vintage Bordeaux and absinthe…

  11. EatsBabyDingos

    Sadly, the fish died at a fast food place, but it was quickly turned into a Long John Silverfish sandwich.

    1. MittBorg

      Uh … ew.

      I was worried for a moment when you… you said the main course was… 'Fish and
      Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga. But my fears were quickly allayed when I discovered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo Chips!'

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    "Shit," said Romney's cat on TMZ. "I'da given anything to be on top of the car. They wrapped me in duct tape to the engine mount."

    1. MadBrahms

      According to Rick Santorum, the answer to that question is that it's just "the inevitable result of gay marriage"

  13. JackDempsey1

    I agree, no big deal now.

    But when the next generation of Romneys runs for higher office and faces an electorate which is seeking to distance itself from (and perhaps overcompensate for) an ichthyophobic past, Gail Collins will be re-animated to cover it and give voice to our outrage. *That's* the story.

  14. FlownOver

    Meme of the Month:

    ___________ Romney transported a live _____________ in a _______________.

    I'm going with "Seamus," "tranny hooker " and "bass drum."

    Your turn.

  15. finallyhappy

    I don't want to give away too much about what I do- in case any of you visit me at my place of volunteerism- but it involves live fish and I have a strong feeling about the fish and the invertebrates(sea urchins are really awesome up close- they have tiny suction cups on their tube feet). Not that I needed anything to dislike the Romneys- I was already a member of Mutts Against Mitt(I ride inside is the motto)

  16. SolitaireRose

    I don't know why everyone is so upset. The fish was filled with the politics of envy and needed to be shown the joys of capitalism. Or something.

  17. elburritodeluxe

    It's cool, because later they baptized the dead fish as a Mormon and now he's ruling a space colony in Mormon Heaven. True story!

  18. Dashboard Shmoo

    ♫If I could put things in a bottle…
    The first thing that I'd like to do
    Is squeeze in a fish
    With a pop and a swish
    And maybe squeeze dad's dog in there too♫

  19. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Can't really object to a song that includes the line "I'd take a salmon home and work that caudal fin for hours."

    OK, maybe someone can, but I certainly can't.

Comments are closed.