Animal people listen up! Mitt Romney’s son Craig, of shirtless fame, kept a lil’ fish in his water bottle during his 2009 cross-country trip, just like they strapped that dog on the roof. But is it really “just like” that? No one cares about a fucking fish.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ELECTION 5:54 pm February 21, 2012
Mitt Romney’s Son Kept Fish In Water Bottle During Cross Country Trip
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{ 137 comments }
Hopefully it was a piranha and bit the shit out of Craig.
For all we know, it was a candiru, and Craig let it swim up for yux once in a while.
Yeah, he's a needledick, he *could* get it into a water bottle.
I'm waiting for the Subaru dogs to strap Mitt to the roof of an Outback.
Wait, there are lesbian dogs?
Aqua Seamus Libel!
Is that the Mormon version of Aqua Buddha?
I heard he also kept a gerbil up his ass.
Well, Mitt certainly shares Richard Gere's love of hair product. Maybe that's the connection.
What did they do with that furry daughter/son/? on the trip? Or is this one of those questions that shouldn't be asked?
In quiet rooms, only.
And now our inland waterways are infested with snakeheads. Coincidence?
Are you suggesting that snakeheads resulted from … (barf)
Did Craig's brother Tagg keep a fetus in his water jug? If so, Mitten's staph needz to get that out there to top Frothy's Mason jar tale.
The fish died quickly but was baptized a Mormon and now lives on a water planet where he has 72 female goldfish!
OK, that really *did* make me LOL.
Are there predators on Mormon planets?
Because fish being fish, it's going to get very crowded, very quickly.
(Mormons being Mormons, they won't be far behind on their own planets, especially with that living forever thing — is there no mention from Moroni about how this little problem is supposed to get solved?)
It wasn't just in a water bottle — it was in a water bottle hanging from his bumper. If this is what the Massachusetts moderates the Romneys do to their animals, Republicans, just imagine what they're going to do to your fetus!
And just how is being swung from someone's bumper any different from sex, mmm?
How stuffed is your truck that you can't fit a fucking water bottle in it?
Crammed full of magical underwear, pink slips, and concentrated smarm, I imagine.
Hey, that fish had diarrhea. They had to put it on the outside of the truck.
It wasn't a fish!!! It was a baby porpoise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it wasn't an accident, either – he did it on porpoise!
Ohhhhhh nooooooooo, the punfestation in spreading.
Hawkeye?
?
It wasn't a chicken, IT WAS A BABY!!!
Maybe he was just being koi about his fetish.
Or bassful.
I love you!
Didn't see you much this weekend. Feeling better?
I had to take Jeff to the Urgent Care today. He has strep throat and they are testing him for a staph infection. We are feeble little Webbles and taking care of each other by patting each other on the forehead every hour or so. It's the best we can do, LOL!
How are you Flaming?
Well, either way, he's not one to carp about it constantly.
There otter be better puns here. (Sorry, I got no fish.)
But you decided to comment just for the halibut.
They also made this cross country trip without luggage and a change of clothes so Mitt could fit his loose change in the trunk.
So long Willard, and thanks for all the fishies!
Fish are animals, too, my friend.
I heard he is also a bed-wetter.
Let's all give Mitt's boy the old Fish Cheer!
Fish Libel!11!
~
No one cares about a fucking fish, says Newell. Well, first they came for the fishes, and I was quiet because I wasn't a fish. And do you know how that ends? Huh, do ya?
With tartar sauce, I believe.
And a lemon wedgie.
{quiet voice} *I* care about a little fish. {/quiet voice}
I had a gold fish once as a kid. Won it from in contest at my grade school's fall festival. I got tired of cleaning it's bowl so often, I decided to "set it free" by letting it loose in the creek near our house. I still feel quilty about that. So that's why I've never kept fish since.
My child, you have an overdeveloped conscience. I prescribe four weeks with some Young Republicans. That should cure you.
By the end of that period, you'll be ready willing and able to napalm the little fuckers without a twinge.
And the Asian carp invasion took off the following year.
Cruelty toward animals is genetic?
at this rate I will not be surprised if Mittens' grandson used hamster as golf training ball
Don't give them any ideas.
What TexanBulldog said. It wouldn't surprise me in the least.
Well, you might not want to slice on Sparky. Hooking..
My pet fish, Darth Betta, plans on writing a strongly-worded letter to the ASPCA about this.
The return of Darth Betta! My favorite Wonkette fish.
This pisses me the fuck off! I've been trying for weeks now to get a little betta fish, and you know what? Can't fucking find a little fish in the East Bay. What the hell? All I want is a little bowl with some rocks, a plastic tree, and a little fish swimming around. And this douchenozzle is walking around with one in his water bottle? For fuck's sake.
You don't have a WalMart or PetSmart or Petco? You're joking, right?
Sadly, not joking. We do have the above stores but nobody except high end pet shops carry live fish. Walmart has fish food, but no fish. So obnoxious!
Walmart also sells toothpaste and none of their employees have teeth, go figure.
God, you're awful, and you never miss a beat either, do ya? (Hugs the Barb)
Since you're being serious, I will say that you don't want a "little bowl" for two reasons:
1.) It's much easier to maintain water quality with a larger tank, and
2.) Contrary to popular myth, bettas don't like small bowls. They can survive (for a time), but not thrive.
I would recommend at least a 10-gallon tank, with live plants. Plants are a little more work, but bettas like to rest and hide among the plants, and they'll help get rid of chemicals your fish doesn't like. Also, you want a relatively tight-fitting lid (some bettas like to jump). Finally, you should learn how to cycle your tank (to grow the bacteria that eliminates ammonia) BEFORE you get a fish, which takes a couple of months to complete. One thing fish-keeping has taught me is patience.
What they left out of the article is that the fish is a Betta (Betta splendens) also commonly known as a Siamese fighting fish.
The ugly truth is that Craig was working the Fishfighting circuit. These poor creatures are selectively bred and trained to kill and there's lots of money to be made.
The carnage is terrible, the Losers "dissapear" and Long John Silver's Tells No Tales.
This is great. Is it on ESPN5?
Yeah, but it's blacked out in major cities.
Sad, but (probably) true.
I thought that was Long DONG Silver. No?
Long John Silver's : What's for Dinner
Long Dong Silver: What's on Clarence Thomas' VCR
Easy mistake.
Do the fish cost, like $10,000? Because that would be, you know, appropriate.
Ten Grand for a proven champion killer. $500 minimum bets, PayPal accepted.
I see a shark in this guy's future ready to deliver karma.
OMNomnomnomnomnom.
I think what Craig needs is a few good Slaps.
You're the best.
Thanks! I love this bit.
Meanwhile, Ann Romney rolls her eyes and tells herself there's no way her kids will be stupid enough to facebook the picture of her duct-taping the cat to the station wagon's antenna for better reception — not that there was anything wrong with that.
She forces her horses to perform extremely tedious dressage routines over and over, that's her contribution to the family's animal-hating.
Like father, like son… Only even more boring. Meh.
You know what goes with chips, doncha, laddie?
Buttsechs?
Buffalo buffalo?
Erik Estrada?
Guess you kids don't remember the great scene in "A Fish Named Wanda" or my comments aren't that pop-culturally relevant. Or maybe I am just a sad, alcohol-sodden loner looking for afirmation from the Wonkettariot and not finding it, causing me to slip ever more deeply into my pool of vintage Bordeaux and absinthe…
Chads, just hanging out?
Sadly, the fish died at a fast food place, but it was quickly turned into a Long John Silverfish sandwich.
Uh … ew.
I was worried for a moment when you… you said the main course was… 'Fish and
Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga. But my fears were quickly allayed when I discovered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo Chips!'
Today, we are all fish in bottles.
Wait, I really am! Someone help! Before Craig comes back!
"Shit," said Romney's cat on TMZ. "I'da given anything to be on top of the car. They wrapped me in duct tape to the engine mount."
Listen to that baby purr.
You don't even want to know where they put the pet gerbils…
You think this is bad. Wait until the Cat Juggling video comes out.
I wonder if this guy in Bakersfield is a Romney cousin: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/…
That's awful. I kinda wish I didn't know that.
What is it with these people and animals!!??
(Thanks for the laffs, everyone!)
According to Rick Santorum, the answer to that question is that it's just "the inevitable result of gay marriage"
At least this time it really WAS an airtight container.
Needz moar terror defecation.
I agree, no big deal now.
But when the next generation of Romneys runs for higher office and faces an electorate which is seeking to distance itself from (and perhaps overcompensate for) an ichthyophobic past, Gail Collins will be re-animated to cover it and give voice to our outrage. *That's* the story.
Meme of the Month:
___________ Romney transported a live _____________ in a _______________.
I'm going with "Seamus," "tranny hooker " and "bass drum."
Your turn.
Seamus
tapeworm
act of revenge
If Craig made a list of the douchebag things he and his father did, how long would it be?
I don't want to give away too much about what I do- in case any of you visit me at my place of volunteerism- but it involves live fish and I have a strong feeling about the fish and the invertebrates(sea urchins are really awesome up close- they have tiny suction cups on their tube feet). Not that I needed anything to dislike the Romneys- I was already a member of Mutts Against Mitt(I ride inside is the motto)
I don't know why everyone is so upset. The fish was filled with the politics of envy and needed to be shown the joys of capitalism. Or something.
It's cool, because later they baptized the dead fish as a Mormon and now he's ruling a space colony in Mormon Heaven. True story!
♫If I could put things in a bottle…
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is squeeze in a fish
With a pop and a swish
And maybe squeeze dad's dog in there too♫
Cripes. I don't wanna know where they kept the family gerbil.
One fish.
Two fish.
Dead fish.
Blue fish.
IDoes this mean Fish is back on tour???
Fascinating, Mitt, tell me more while I open a vein.
That whole family trip was an animal house of horrors, from Point A to Point B!
On the way home from the doctor we drove into the neighborhood and saw tons of "lost dog" posters. We found the dog as we went to the mailbox. We called the number on the poster and waited for the lady to come and she was the chattiest person I've ever met. She was trying to stuff a reward in Jeff's pants, lol.
Been better. I've had problems off and on the last couple of years with a food allergy but I could never pin it down to what food. I think I finally figured out last night that it's carrots. Hopefully I'm right and I won't have this problem anymore. Gettin' old is not for the oldz!
ZOMG! Sorry to hear that!
So, not a ruptured eardrum, I hope.
Um … did that reward have, you know, nude photos of her, or her phone number, or anything?
Have you seen this dog?
Because he is just AWESOME.
Just another reason we all luv you here Barb. A cat as your avatar — so I'm guessing you're a cat person — and both you guys recuperating and yet you find and return a lost dog.
Mrs. Radio and I saw The Artist last night — she liked it more than me, but I thought the dog in it was pretty cool.
Well, that sux. Carrots are the food of the gods, man.
Youth is wasted on the young, and old age on the old.
Wow, allergic to carrots. I'm allergic to shellfish. I hope you feel better soon.
Did you see Baldar T. Flagass in there? He's in that fuckin' video, man.
Kanye libel!!!!!!!!!
Can't really object to a song that includes the line "I'd take a salmon home and work that caudal fin for hours."
OK, maybe someone can, but I certainly can't.
Jeffery and I are madly in love. It would be useless of her to even try it.
Just remember to watch their hands. (Smack! usually fixes it)
He sure fucking IS, dood. What a beaut.
Salmon Chanted "Evening"….
*Some*body musta got laid recently. The wit is sharper than ever.
Huggles back and Jeff sends some for Cheezeburger Cat.
I'm allergic to idiots.
(You think a food allergy causes problems?)
Got boned, I'm sure you meant to say.
Aw, that is so sweet, I'm adopting Jeffer as my CheezburgerCatDood.
Me? I'm just getting paid scale.
Far be it from me to argue with someone whom I will probably meet again in less than ideal circumstances.
You're SO bass.
Yeah, everyone's cool with a bit of caudal action … just so long as there's no bass to mouth.
Always ends with a chumshot.
But he's very soleful. I hope he doesn't flounder.
Soleful? I always thought he was more … wolfish, if you know what I mean. More 'eel than sole, one might say.
I shore hope not. You can't skate through life that way, without making anemone or two.
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