IT'S TRUE!  5:35 pm February 21, 2012

Rick Santorum Used To Love Abortion

by Jim Newell

PoopDid you know that Rick Santorum used to be all “Oh man abortion is so great” (paraphrase) (??) for most of his life? Yes, Rick Santorum! Ladies could hit up all the big sales at the Abortionplex every weekend and he’d be just fine with that. What happened? He “read the literature” when he decided to become a politician, and the literature told him no, ladies should not have this right.

The Huffo’s Sam Stein and Jason Cherkis themselves “read the literature” of Weird Rick’s interviews and candidate issue forms from the early ’90s, when he was an early foot soldier in the Gingrich Revolution but couldn’t go more than a few seconds without salivating approvingly over the very idea of abortion being legal and happening all the time:

In a December 1995 Philadelphia Magazine article — which the Huffington Post pulled from Temple University archives — Santorum conceded that he “was basically pro-choice all my life, until I ran for Congress… But it had never been something I thought about.” Asked why he changed his mind, he said that he “sat down and read the literature. Scientific literature,” only to correct himself and note that religion was a part of it too.

Don’t worry, hippies/women/American majorities. If you all just read the literature, then you’ll get to be pro-life one day, too.

[HuffPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 183 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya February 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Yes!

Awesome use of alt-text, Jim.
~

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Flip flop flip flop.

LettucePrey February 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Blew out my flip flop,
stepped on a pop top.
Cut my heel,
had to cruise on back home…

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 5:47 pm

There's booze in the blender.
And soon it will render.
A frozen concoction that helps me hangon.

LettucePrey February 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

… EVERYBODY!

Wastin' away again in sad Santorum-ville,
Searching for Rick's lost hint of a soul.
His people claim that Obama's to blame
But we know it's all a big LOL

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

A "flip-flopper" is apparently a jail term for a convict who acts as both catamite and top.

It seems awfully apposite for the Rickster.

Fare la Volpe February 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Santorum sounds more like plip plop.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Poop plop poop plop.

Biff February 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Since there is froth involved, plop-plop fizz-fizz is in order.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

♪ ♫ Oh what a relief it is. ♪ ♫

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"and read the literature. Scientific literature,"
Isn't reading scientific literature a stoning offense in the Bible?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I'm sure quite a few of the Early Biblians were totally fucking stoned while reading it, yes.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm

What?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Totally. Just look at some of the shit in that book. Have you ever read Revelations while on acid? Man, that … (shudders) ugh!

Fare la Volpe February 22, 2012 at 9:17 am

Is that guy serious in his politicizing everything, or is he parodying what fundie Christians actually believe about Bill Clinton and global warming? I'm having the hardest time figuring it out.

Mumbly_Joe February 21, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I must have this book.

Mumbly_Joe February 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Be sure to read the "about the author" while you're at it. It's pretty great. The only real fear is, if you buy this for your theocratic loved one, they might not actually get the joke.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Hey, you're back to being Mumbly!

Callyson February 21, 2012 at 7:27 pm

"Circle the ways people and monkeys are different."
The people are the ones in awful clothes. Didn't they have What Not to Wear back then?
Seriously, yeah, I've got to get this gem…

ShaveTheWhales February 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Oh my goodness.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I think all of us should read the scientific literature about how what the Pope as an old white man says is best for the lady folks. It is very enlightening.

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Well, the Pope does wear a dress and red Prada shoes.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm
emmelemm February 21, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Man, I hate this guy. I really really really really rilly rilly hate him. And his banana-batshit wife too.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Here's something to make you feel better, dear. Note that Santorum has raised the *least* $$$ of *all* the Republican candidates.

Now, he might have a chance to raise more at some point, but Mittens' SuperPACs are bigger. And Mittens has all the big money doods locked in.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I know MB, but I am torn between which one of these clowns I want to run against Obama and lose.

weej_bain February 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Radio, I'd say that if Frothy gets the nomination it will be a seriously insane high colonic for the entire party that will violently send their electoral chances in many races right down the drain.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

No doubt, weej, but they loathe Mitts too. Although they are rather adept at handling hate issues.
I wonder which one will be more or less hurtful to the congressional races.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:38 pm

weej_bain's *excellent* point notwithstanding, my main concern is that Frothy's run will be horribly polarizing. He's already got the religious fired up against the ChristmasChurchers/nonreligious/nonChristian/other_religions, the gays, PP, the government, enivornmentalists … I mean the guy is a serious fount of loony hate. I went to Catholic school for years, and I remember people like him.

Before any Catholics here get upset, let me point out that the most truly Christian person I know is a Catholic. But y'all know as well as I do that that has *nothing* to do with the *church,* which is, in many ways, a blot on religion.

See, Mittens will say all the same things, but Mittens couldn't get a roomful of flaming queens fired up about *any*thing. Frothy up there is appealing to the LCD, and he *is* getting them into Father_Coughlin_mean_hateful mode.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Good points. Plus there is the chance that he could win, and then all hell breaks loose. But don't you think that the people who will make the difference — the dreaded independents — will see Brown Shorts as the polarizer? He is so egregiously a right wing nutjob. And every day he goes further and further into the desert of dumbass. His main political capital is "Anybody but Romney." Likewise, in the general it will be "Anybody but Obama — 24/7, 365, all the time Hate Obama." And how much is that worth?

weej_bain February 21, 2012 at 7:12 pm

MB, as someone who recovered from much of Sister Caligula's view of life, 'cept I still eat and write with the right hand to subconsciously reduce the pain in the knuckles of the left, I see your point. An Opus Dei wet dream like Santorum will be polarizing, but to such a degree as to marginalize not only a fall Presidential run by Frothy, but his well lubricated coattails will splatter santorum on a number of other Rethugs and result in DRat wins in races they might not otherwise have won.

If the GOP nomination is brokered, and they run an 'adult' candidate, Hopey might still win (unless Iran goes kablooey), but may face at least two more years of Mr. Speaker Boner. Sometimes polarization isn't so bad if the other side loses touch with reality.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

If you all just read the literature

Pandering congresscritterspeak for "When you see the fnords."
~

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Totally upfisted for Illuminatus! reference.

lulzmonger February 22, 2012 at 1:48 am

Santorum would look perfect handing out "the literature" in an airport lobby.

Wonder if he was among the clapping smiley Senate mob that basically cermonially coronated Sun Myung Moon as Messiah in DC back on March 23, 2004?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Obligatory link to the interview with the abortion doctor who was dating Ricky's wife. The one where the doc states:

"When she moved out to go be with Rick, she told me I'd like him, that he was pro-choice and a humanist," he said at the time. "But I don't think there's a humanist bone in that man's body."

fuflans February 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

i first read that as "i don't think there's a HUMAN bone in that man's body'.

i thought maybe he had an alien reptile implant too.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

No, hon, Ricky *is* the alien reptile. He has a humanoid implant.

LetUsBray February 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Yeah but, snark aside, I think that's very telling: I know people who are religious, and people who aren't. And the main thing that determines whether they're good to know is not what they believe about god(s) but whether they believe in humanity.

The Santora of the world believe human beings are basically sinful and depraved – because they project what they see in the mirror onto all of us – but especially those human beings with the gross icky lady parts.

MittBorg February 22, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Excellent point, Bray. Truly.

It's beginning to look as if Republicans are basically united by these issues in the 21st century: (1) Racism; (2) Misogyny; (3) Homophobia and (4) Class warfare. In other words, all they've got is hate. Having flung out all the blahs and browns, the wimminz, the Poorz, and the gays, lesbians, transgenders, transexuals, queers, and that one guy who really likes his wife to strap it on and do him in the butt, what have they got left, exactly?

Rich old straight (yeah, right) white men. A dwindling demographic that still controls a lot of the power but is destined to pretty much get submerged in a sea of brown within the next 100 years at most. Here's to the end of the Santora!

MittBorg February 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Your comment about Santora was so perfect I had to Tweet it. I attributed 2 u, but h/2 trim to fit in 140 chars!

LetUsBray February 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Sweet – I've never tweeted myself, but now I've made it into the twitterverse anyway. Thanks!

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Rick obviously was just trying to get some tail.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

When you see that long tongue hanging out in the video …

What *was* that looneytoon rambling about, incidentally? I never did see any tongue or teeth. Maybe I need to take more Rorshach tests.

edgydrifter February 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

It was right there on the back of his cereal box: "Part of a balanced breakfast. Not to be eaten with aborted fetuses." Science!

Chillwillard February 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Is it too late to abort Rick?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

It's never too late to start all over again.

LettucePrey February 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

If only Frothy's mom loved abortion, too…

Fare la Volpe February 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Koko the Gorilla was openly pro-life.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

That took me a minute.

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Oh snap!

Fare la Volpe February 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

So did he change his mind before or after he let his wife have a life-saving abortion? I need to know if he's a hypocrite or just an asshole.

TeaNuts February 21, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I'm going with hypocritical asshole.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm

All of them, Katie?

Schmannnity February 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

What's the diff?

rickmaci February 21, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I'm going with all of the above.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Now, now, it wasn't an abortion, it was a "life-saving operation." It's only an abortion when someone else has one.

mmeetoilenoir February 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Yes.

nonbeliever7 February 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Hmmm, now I wonder if Ricky was into birth control, marijuana, and basic human logic before he became a congresswhore.

SayItWithWookies February 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

He never thought about it — he just read the literature and changed his mind.

I'm not even sure where to begin.

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I agree!

anniegetyerfun February 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Well, he did correct himself to say that religion had something to do with it, so it's actually accurate, if you don't think about it.

Biff February 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Essentially.

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 6:39 pm

He read the scientific literature & religion also played a role in him changing his mind?
Something does not compute.

Blueb4sunrise February 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm

In the beginning was the poop.

grace_nearing February 22, 2012 at 10:07 am

Funny, that,s what Clarence Thomas said during his confirmation hearing, ie, he had just never before considered the legal arguments concerning Roe v Wade. At the time, I thought it was a clumsy dodge, but having seen how disengaged Thomas is on the Court, maybe he was being honest.

memzilla February 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

This is like a prequel to the current election story, with a character every bit as appealing as Fetus Jar Jar Binks.

Pragmatist2 February 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

He used to love men too, but that was also a "phase."

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

He never really thought about it though, so it's ok.

He probably inhaled, also, too.

TanzbodenKoenig February 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

It's like politician's will say or do anything they find expedient to keep or gain power… what is the world coming too?!?!?!?

WhatTheHeck February 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I failed English Literature. Oh wait. You were talking about Latin Literature where women were not allowed to conjugate… except for procreation.

Dudleydidwrong February 21, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Women are allowed only to go through a prepositional phase… After that, they can't move until they conjugate.

coolhandnuke February 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

This steaming pile of poop has no conscience…or belief in science…just cons.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm

No conscience!! He will shoot the ball if he's triple-covered, if it's a lousy shot, if there's another guy wide open under the basket…Wait, what?

coolhandnuke February 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Sounds like an episode from the "White Shadow" where the Catholic school hotshot transfer student joins the Carver team and alienates everyone with his selfish play, ignores the playbook and reads only from his playbook–the Bible, and finally, tired of this twits antics, the team ambushes him in the locker room and ties him to the shower nozzle with his jockstrap.

LesBontemps February 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"And then I read the polling data, which confirmed the political truism that Pennsylvania is Philadelphia on one end, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in the middle, only chock full of Catholics — so there was no way I was going to get elected to anything unless I started luvin me some fetus, loudly and constantly, everywhere, all the time."

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

By this reasoning, he should have stopped loving teh fetus when he lost by 18 fucking points.

Schmannnity February 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Hey Rick, if you used to like abortion so much, why didn't you just marry it?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

He did! He married him some twat who had gotten herself groomed by an ABORTIONIST to be a high-society dame fit for a career politician's wife. You know the money for her music lessons and art lessons came from ABORTIONS, right? And that she HAD one? At LEAST one that we know of, anyway.

I wouldn't be surprised if that hypocritical, scheming little cunt had been having abortions just to have something to stuff in the jalapeno poppers.

Schmannnity February 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Wait, who is the scheming little cunt in this equation, Rick or his wife (or both) or (I'll intervene here), all of them, Katie)?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Oh, hell, let's go with "all of them, Katie." I have never seen such repulsive people as the Santorums. Oh, wait, I forgot about the RMONEYz. Oh right, Newt, too.

Never mind. All of them, Katie. Straight to the MOOOOOOOON!

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am tiring a wee bit of this Republican nomination race.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Ya don't say!

Will wonders never cease!

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 6:09 pm

The debate drink-a-thon tomorrow might be fun. Well, not really, but we get to drink loads and snark the shit out of it on our wonkete, so there's that.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm

See, that's what I like about you, Fukui-chan. Realism.

Spurning Beer February 21, 2012 at 8:45 pm

During Lent??!?

ShaveTheWhales February 21, 2012 at 11:12 pm

So I'm giving up sobriety for Lent? Wassit to ya?

emmelemm February 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

"A smidge". I'm maybe a smidge tired of it. You know, give or take.

fuflans February 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

everytime i see a headshot of rick santorum i feel totally sorry for ryan reynolds who will have to play him in the movie.

then i remember ryan reynolds is a rich canadian who was married to scarlett johansson and i don't feel sorry anymore.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Ryan Gosling/Ryan Reynolds are the Bill Pullman/Bill Paxton of the 2010s.

Spurning Beer February 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Andy Kaufman would play the part if he were still with us. He had the spooked-horse eyes and giddy facial expression perfected.

Texan_Bulldog February 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Just watched some wing nut woman on Hardball explain why women in VA need to have an ultrasound before getting an abortion. I seriously hate all these people who think they know better than the woman what that woman needs.

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 6:55 pm

On "Talk of the Nation" today they had a segment about this bill. Somebody claiming to to have a MD father & OBGYN mother called in to actually defend this stupid bill. From what she was saying, it was obvious she hadn't read the damn thing & didn't know what the hell she was talking about. She seemed to think that, well, if a woman didn't want to have the ultrasound, they could simply find another OBGYN. Jeezus cheezus! No fucking clue whatsoever.

LetUsBray February 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Sure: another OBGYN, in another state.

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I can't remember who they had on who was criticizing the bill. I wanna say it was someone who wrote for slate.com but I can't be sure. Anyhoo, this poor woman had to try point out details of the bill to this caller. I kept thinking: "Just tell her maybe she should read the damned bill herself & come up with a better defense of it since she clearly doesn't know what it actually says."

rocktonsam February 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

"Do you hate pants?"

Maman February 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I read critically, I don't just look at the pictures.

Chillwillard February 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

“sat down and read the literature. Scientific literature,”

Abortion for Dummies?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Chillwillard February 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

That's a side project from The Onion guys, right?

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Oh no, Sir or Madam. I remember being afflicted with Jack T. Chick pamphlets way back in Sunday School in the '60s. It has been a hipster thing to ironically collect them in recent years, but now I find them insufferable.

Dudleydidwrong February 21, 2012 at 8:44 pm

We should spring for several hundred of Chick Tract # 16 and give them out at Santorum and Gingrich rallies:

"Over 1 billion Catholics worldwide hope their baptism, their religion, and their good works will get them into Heaven. These tracts show these deceived souls…that they're basically screwed because they don't believe what we believe…"

lulzmonger February 22, 2012 at 1:54 am
Swampgas_Man February 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Pollin' Results 4 Idiots

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Uh … the wimminz not so much, I'm thinkin', since they have to be the bottom, so to speak.

BigDumbRedDog February 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

This guy wouldn't know "scientific literature" if it kicked him in the nuts.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:38 pm

…Downey-as-Sherlock-Holmes style, in slow motion, explaining in clinical detail the damage to be done to his entire fundament region.

C_R_Eature February 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm

This theory of yours sounds interesting. Would you like to try to assemble some experimental evidence?

Flat_Earther February 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Zygotes are people too!

WhatTheHeck February 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm

The only exception to the “Scientific Literature” rule is when a republican male gets his girlfriend pregnant and doesn’t want his wife to find out.

VaWyo February 21, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Thankfully this doesn't happen so much since most of these guys appear to be stepping out with other guys.

Rotundo_ February 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm

He read the literature, or more properly, did a little research into what would froth the conservatards up the most and seized on it to start a career in politics. So all this pontificating is just to advance his career prospects, either as a politician or as yet another of the hundreds of winger welfare types that have gigs on radio or FOX and froth the bubbas for fun and profit. Dan Savage really called it on this one. He fits the definition and the spirit of the definition to a tee.

GeneralLerong February 21, 2012 at 7:08 pm

" froth the bubbas for fun and profit"

Hehheheheheheh! He said "froth."

Great phrase, tho.

VaWyo February 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

He became anti-choice after his wife had an abortion. Since he is confident his wife won't need another abortion it is ok to make it illegal. You see, it is all about him.

Beowoof February 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

He can read?

Flat_Earther February 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Karen lived with the abortion Doc for 6 years. When she moved out to hook up with Rick (I assume it was the sweater vest) she described Rick as pro-choice. Something must have changed. I doubt it was scientific literature.

YouBetcha February 21, 2012 at 6:05 pm

We can haz new prezdint Santorum nao? kthnxby.

meatlofer February 21, 2012 at 6:06 pm

He should abort his run for the nomination!

chascates February 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

He should have read more Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinam.

el_donaldo February 21, 2012 at 6:11 pm

He said that he “sat down and read the literature. Scientific literature,” only to correct himself and note that religion was a part of it too.

Translation: "I decided that the Bible was the only science I or anyone else needed."

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Too bad the internet wasn't there yet. He could have just googled it.

BTWBFDIMHO February 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

FETUS = Faith Enlightens The United States.

Generation[redacted] February 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

FEED US FETUS!

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Terrible candidate still terrible.

fuflans February 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

in related news of science, i have been watching this story all day and wondering what it means for the republican presidential contest.

Astronomers have confirmed the existence of a new class of planet: a waterworld with a thick, steamy atmosphere.

The exoplanet GJ 1214b is a so-called "Super Earth" – bigger than our planet, but smaller than gas giants such as Jupiter.

i'm sure it means something.

chascates February 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Surrounded by a thin, thin, thin 16 millimeter shell…and inside — it's delicious!!

Swampgas_Man February 21, 2012 at 6:53 pm

It means Kevin Costner's due for a career bump.

C_R_Eature February 21, 2012 at 7:12 pm

It means that is used to be a nice planet until the Mormons got there and now it's covered with houseboats full of wives and huge gaudy floating castles on barges.

MosesInvests February 21, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Tell me about the waters of your homeworld, Usul.

joobajooba February 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

He also said in the Philadelphia Magazine article that it was the ideas of Martin Luther King that inspired his political worldview:
"When I asked what he had done in his legislative career to try to realize King's hopes, Santorum grew testy.
"'Well,' he started, 'it's not… you don't necessarily,'
"'Welfare,' his press secretary said.
"'That's right,' Santorum said, not missing a beat. 'Welfare reform. Welfare reform that will get blacks working and eventually bring about racial equality.'"

C_R_Eature February 21, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Now Ricky, there's no need to get Testy!

Chichikovovich February 21, 2012 at 7:43 pm

If only Rick had known that Newt had to teach them to want a job first.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

So what they are essentially saying is that Slick Rick was clueless about something. Big surprise there.

sharethegrief February 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm

He changed his mind on beastiality, too.

ElPinche February 21, 2012 at 6:33 pm

wow.. Santorum went from pro-choice to bringing home pickled zygotes for the whole family. Top that mega-flipflop, Mittens!

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Pamphlets/Literature 2012

randcoolcatdaddy February 21, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I pity the poor slaves at HuffPoo that had to dig and read that crap. That's like reading Kim Kardashian's elementary school essays as you try to find a way to work her into today's HuffPoo headlines.

Sparky McGruff February 21, 2012 at 9:17 pm

That's why they built the content aggregation turbine.

bagofmice February 21, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Has anyone tied a blastocyst to the roof of their car yet?

OKthennext February 21, 2012 at 8:40 pm

No, but Mrs. Santorum keeps a blastocyst in a jar.

ShaveTheWhales February 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm

It's too hard to tie a trucker's hitch with the goddam dental floss.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Why don't the Wingnuts vilify them anymore? What are they, chopped liver?!

Deportably_Jose February 21, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Don’t worry, hippies/women/American majorities. If you all just read the literature, then you’ll get to be pro-life one day, too.

Well, Tom Cruise read all the literature, too, which is why he knows that psychiatry is a fraud and only L. Ron Hubbard can realign his body thetans. Literature!

weej_bain February 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

An unguided Cruise missal.

Do like yer new handle MJ.

mavenmaven February 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm

He was for it before he was against it.

Mumbly_Joe February 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Oh hey, and here's Ricky McFroth saying that "the whole abortion culture… It's about homosexuality."

Methinks he might need to go re-read some of that scientific literature that talks about where babies come from. Pretty sure the homos aren't the ones having abortions, for the most part.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Woodstock is the great American orgy. This is who the Democratic Party has become. They have become the party of Woodstock. The prey upon our most basic primal lusts, and that’s sex. And the whole abortion culture, it’s not about life. It’s about sexual freedom. That’s what it’s about. Homosexuality. It’s about sexual freedom

And if there's one thing Americans hate, it's freedom.

Wait, what?

SheriffRoscoe February 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Lucky for me I gave up literature.

JustPixelz February 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Santorum reads some kind of religious literature that convinces him to become a patronizing asshole. That's a real "dog bites man" story.

C_R_Eature February 21, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing.

Barrelhse February 21, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Dogs, more than likely.

Tundra Grifter February 21, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I'm old enough to remember when frothy was, for the most part, at least, a good thing…

owhatever February 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Is it too late to bring back Herman Cain?

Barrelhse February 21, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I popped in because Rick irks the shit out of me and I feel like dumping on his pus-filled little ass. http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/02/21/gop-pollste

gout February 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

He read "the" scientific literature about abortion and then decided it was amoral? What does that even mean? What scientific literature provided him with this moral conclusion? How could that!? it what, Fuck, what a fuck, fukking Fucktard gaa! Ow my fucking brain. This must be what it feels like to be a teatard trying to comprehend a rational world.

weej_bain February 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm

There, there, gout. Follow along with me here and répétez svp…

dv/dt = 0
F = ma
Fa,b = -∑Fb,a

et encore until you purge the santorum from your brain.

JackObin February 21, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Rick Santorum is an idiot. I guess that's why he's running for president.

joobajooba February 21, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Did somebody ask for a portrait of Santorum composed entirely of gay porn.? Because, look, here is one of those: http://unicornbooty.com/blog/2012/02/21/omg-a-ric

Dudleydidwrong February 21, 2012 at 8:54 pm

That would look sooooo good on a Santorum campaign poster in PA.

FannyBurney February 21, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I keep expecting him to froth–ah, foam–at the mouth. Or at some aperture.

Chichikovovich February 21, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Rick says this a lot, and I've heard lots of other forced-birthers say the same. Clearly the carrier pigeons have gone out from talking-point central to the moronic but unquestionably message-discipled shock troops. Don't say "religious" – say it's the scientific literature! And they do. If people ask what, say something foggy about ultrasounds revealing that it's really a cuddly lil' baby in there, and about DNA and unique beings created at conception. (Unique? What about identical twins? Apparently they are unknown to science.) Keep blabbing – repeating yourself several times if necessary – until they have to cut to commercial.

So I thought I would tell a little story. My wife Chichikovna MD went to a very prestigious medical school, and I must tell you that the people she met there were exceptionally smart, well-read, thoughtful and intelligent people. During their OB/Gyn rotations, all of them, including Chichikovna, read as extensively in the literature on fetal development and related matters as you would expect of people who are going to be treating pregnant women. Not one of them went from being pro-choice to being forced-birth as a result. But apparently Santorum and those like him have a different reaction to that material. What explains this? The only differences I can see is that Chichikovna and her friends immersed themselves in the subject and these people just skimmed the distorted semi-facts in forced-birth propaganda. Also Chichikovna and her friends are really, really smart, while Santorum and those like him are idiots. So that must be it.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm

and about DNA and unique beings created at conception. (Unique? What about identical twins? Apparently they are unknown to science.)

Try them out on chimaeras and watch their pointly little heads assplode.

Also, I'm going with your "Chichikovna and her friends are really, really smart, while Santorum and those like him are idiots" hypothesis.

Dudleydidwrong February 21, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Your wife, Chichikovna, is obviously bright, reads, thinks, and arrives at conclusions based upon what she has studied and learned. I'd bet $10,000 that Santorum never read a scientific mongraph, let alone a book by an accredited medical author, on the subject. Bullshit just naturally flows through his veins and he has to make some excuse to explain the flip-flop that was done for political expediency. He's just a cow flop.

Spurning Beer February 21, 2012 at 9:25 pm

And what about Dr. Ronald Paul, OB-GYN, deliverer of a whole passel of young'uns? He's not only a medical scientist, but a fanatical believer in liberty, and he is still on the side of the cute little blastocysts' overriding right to life, with the possible exception of rape (by a black or immigrant perpetrator) or incest (by a liberal).

I just blew your mind, didn't I?

I didn't?

Chichikovovich February 21, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Well, I said that when intelligent pro-choice or undecided people have extensive, in-depth exposure to the scientific facts, it will not make them pro-forced-birth. I've never been under any illusions about the power of scientific information to make fools and cranks stop being fools and cranks, or committed pro-forced-birthers stop being forced-birthers.

Spurning Beer February 21, 2012 at 10:19 pm

The tree of liberty must from time to time be refreshed with the amniotic fluid of unwilling host organisms.

That's political science, baby!

Lynne February 21, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I'm already pro-life. I'm just not anti-choice. I don't have to read the literature.

LagunaB February 21, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Ok, now they got my Irish up but good.
It took those morons 40 years to realize it was not abortion that was allowing women to become doctors, lawyers, judges, senators, etc., but the pill.
40 fucking years!
And you know what they are afraid of?
Turning into Edma Turnblad. Yeah, that's right. You stay home and women will run things. And I want my chili rellanos cooked the tradition way. No quickly shit.
Women shouldn't just take over government but we should abort males zygotes. Their truly biggest fear. And sterilize all the Christian women who support them.
What comes first the chicken or the egg?
Female chickens you morons.

CheeseNPear February 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Santorum claims he only reads scientific journals for the articles.

Spurning Beer February 21, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Hey Rick, Gigantic Jugs is not an anatomy journal.

MadBrahms February 21, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Maybe not, but I'm guessing they have rigorous standards for peer review.

MadBrahms February 21, 2012 at 10:42 pm

It's really a shame he went to the "scientific literature". Most of the time when men get interested in vaginas, we go find porn.

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Wait, aren't you supposed to say that you read the Scripture? Truth has a way of wriggling itself out between your teeth every now and again.

WiscDad February 22, 2012 at 10:38 am

He's a sell out…just like the rest of them.

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Gosh, Rick, if I had a Uterus, I might have an opinion on this subject too….hint…..hint….

Deportably_Jose February 21, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I had to, for a throw-away joke about Bob Dole and Democrat Wars. Fortunately, the Internet gives me ADD, and I'm sure I'll change it again, once anything remotely exploitable is in the news.

But I'm being a little meta, at this point.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 9:46 pm

True. But look at the figures on those charts. I think this whole Santorum business (haha) is a media creation. He's raised less money than any of the other candidates, and Romney's already locked up all the big money donors. Santorum can't get them, because they're maxed out. So what are his choices? He can hope for munniez funneled through the SuperPACs, but that won't pay his day-to-day ground expenses, and he has NO ground team.

I don't think Santorum has a prayer, really. The battle is pretty much over. Sooner or later, Santorum will be forced out just because he hasn't the money to compete.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 9:49 pm

That's exactly what I'm hoping for, my friend. The GOP nomination won't be brokered. The GOP knows this is a losing race, that's why all the screaming about social issues and such nonsense. Romney is the sacrifical lamb here. They're letting him run because they don't want to waste their big guns on this race. I believe they'll try for control of the House and Senate, as Chet opined earlier, but I don't believe they'll have too much success with that, in part because the teabagger candidates have *really* overreached themselves and pissed off the electorate. But I suppose we'll see.

RadioSBJ February 21, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I don't think Santorum has a prayer
hehehe
While I think you are right MB, as usual, I do feel a bit dejected because it reflects on our political process in general: No money, no chance.

Gainsbourg69 February 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Independents don't loathe Mitt, though. With Mitt the republicans can win all those purple districts which the baggers won in 2010. With Santorum they can lose those districts and the democrats can make inroads into districts made up of moderate republicans.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm

True. But just this once, I can't mind too much.

MittBorg February 22, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I figure it's parody, hell, he's from the SF/Bay Area, so he's probably gay, a leftie, and weird as fuck-all. AFAICT, anyway. (Hugs the foxy one — sorry, it's a Free Hugs for Everyone day.)

FROTHY February 22, 2012 at 11:47 pm

You're welcome! It was spot-on, too.

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