Here we were getting all excited about the consequences of Minnesota’s new congressional map on Michele Bachmann’s career, but alas, she’s running away from her competition! The state has thrown Bachmann and veteran Democratic Rep. Betty McCollum’s homes into the new 4th District. We would’ve had a delightful race on ours hands, especially — as angry commenters on all these Minnesota newspaper sites we’ve been reading keep howling — after Bachmann spent a full year calling herself a proud Iowan who loves Iowa more than ever her Dominionist Ultra-Jesus. But no, Bachmann will instead run in her old 6th District, even though she no longer lives there. What a wuss! Why does Michele Bachmann hate her house so much?
Bachmann, the Star-Tribune reports, has yet to decide whether she’ll schlep husband Funbags Bachmann and their small national militia of children a few miles over to the district that she plans to represent in the United States Congress:
“I’m announcing today that I will be running in the 6th Congressional district. I’ll continue my service to the people in the district where I essentially went to junior high, high school, college, had my babies born and we built our business and we have our church and our family,” Bachmann said.
Members of Congress don’t have to live in the district they represent, so Bachmann is free to run wherever she likes in Minnesota. She said she has not yet decided if she will move her home into the new district.
“That decision will be made. I’m not sure what we will be doing on that front,” she said.
Why couldn’t they have squeezed her in Muslim Rep. Keith Ellison’s district? That would have been what we in the biz call a “political race that we in the biz enjoy covering.”
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Maybe one of her foster children could take her in.
She would probably get passed around by her kids faster than the meth pipe.
Just curious, which is faster – kids passing a meth pipe or an illegal messicun with an AZ sheriff on his ass?
I don't know, but I suspect lubricants are involved.
On or in?
Yes.
There's an odd twist on the Orphan Train!
I am sure many of the Foster kids are pretty happy they forgot to send Michelle their new address.
Which is far out of state, in any event.
Im sure she can finagle a government subsidy to move her house on the tax payers dime.
Will Marcus bring his closet with him to the new district?
They're joined at the hip, so to speak.
Why, of course. In fact, he has several of them & they'll full of fabulous…especially the shoes!
Representative Bachmann (R – Narnia)
That's a whole district in itself. What? We have a Fashion District here in New York.
I can see her new house and there goes the neighborhood.
It's not where her house is, it's where her uterus lives.
If the sixth district exists in reality, then Bachmann hasn't inhabited it in her whole career.
Dood, Bachmann hasn't inhabited *reality* in her whole career.
Yeah, he already said that.
I'm just glad she lives about 1800 miles from my district.
Like a javelin throwing competition or a Gallagher concert, Michele Bachman is a spectacle best enjoyed from a safe distance.
Braille archery.
You can not stop Michele Bachman. You can only hope to contain her.
A straight jacket would be effective for that.
She said she has not yet decided if she will move her home into the new district.
In fairness to Mickey
MouseBachmann, those trailer hitches can be a bitch on nails.Can she see her district from her house?
She actually lives on a different planet than the rest of us so a few miles won't make much difference.
Just as long as she doesn't have to move near any
black peopleradical leftists.They stay in the urban areas, don'tyaknow. (That's where the drugs are. And those badly behaved Occupy hippies.)
Just as long as she doesn't have to move near any
black peopleradical leftists, FAGGITS, DYKES, NUNS, wimmenz, non-Christians, MooseLumps, furrnurrz, people of colour — you know, Americans.Especially those Lezzzzbeeeeean Nunnnz!
At least you didn't say "Black Lesbian Buddhist Nunz." That would've earned you a rap with the nunchuks.
I strive for historical accuracy.
You forgot Girl Scouts.
Well, see, I only just found out that they were a radical leftist feminist bunch of revolutionaries with a Homosexual Agenda. (Damn, I wish *some*body would give me a copy of that fuckin' Agenda, because I just *know* it's gonna be fun if it's got this many eejits' panties in a wad.)
Now that her failed Presidential run has embarrassed her district on the national stage, will they still be nuts enough to reelect her again?
Magic 8 Ball said "Ask Again Later". Hmm. Maybe it's waiting for God to tell it the answer?
And people who elected her in the first place would actually be embarrassed by her Prezdental nomination run?
The simple fact that she has not sponsored one bill on the floor of the Congress since she was elected tells me that, yes they would be nuts enough to re-elect her.
I b'leev she has sponsored, or maybe co-sponsored one — I think it had to do with energy-saving light bulbs. But she has never had one pass.
Not living with the people she represent. I smell winner all over this one. I mean she did some politicaly stupid shit in the last few years but this one is just….Well, fucking bonehead.
I also do not live within the 6th in Minnesota, maybe I should primary her. From the right. She'd never see it coming!
I was going to say or you could just run her over with your nifty car, but … that might damage the car.
“I’m announcing today that I will be running in the 6th Congressional district. I’ll continue my service to the people in the district where I essentially went to junior high, high school, college, had my babies born and we built our business and we have our church and our family,” Bachmann said.
She then noted that she did get her cherry popped up in the 8th District, but that was a story for another time.
Her Cherry rotted off.
Glen Rice strikes again!
Your move, Dorothy.
That explains the faraway stare. She was contemplating how many flying monkeys it would take to relocate her house.
Actually, I thought that was the shock of them flying out of her ass.
Butt oh what fun when they come home to roost.
Is the santorum contamination of your av new? Pardon me if it's just my lack of attention.
… the district where I essentially went to junior high, high school, college …
Yeah, we all know about "essentially" going to school, Michele.
GED – it's essentially a Master's.
Michele essentially won the nomination.
I'm sure much essence was exchanged in junior high, high school, college….
But does the new district include lovely lizard people among its constituents? I am still remembering them fondly, long after I'd hoped to forget Miz Biblethumpin' Bitchcakes.
Then there's this bit: … had my babies born … What does this mean? Did she hire Mexicans to have her babies for her?
Beard babies!
For some reason, all I can think of is those dreadful little Geddes moppets, with long curly beards.
Pudgy leprechauns from hell, all spewing verse.
*Biblical* verse. (groans)
I'm glad I wasn't the only one that thought the wording was strange.
First congresswoman from our Moon Colonies??
where I essentially went to junior high, high school, college
How does one essentially go to school? And how does that essentially qualify them for anything above dog catcher?
Hey, she's from the Jazz Age, bebopaBabeu…
Maybe she played a lot of hookey, just like she does in Congress.
Lipstick on a pitb–
Oh hoOkey! My bad….
Glenn Beck Ewe?
The problem is that the 4th is in represent, where the 6th is in some sort of legend of zelda fantasy land where only she can win.
she….."essentially went to junior high, high school, college, had my babies born and we built our business and we have our church and our family"
What does 'essentially' mean in that context…..
(looks up online dictionary) Ah, here it is.
Of, relating to, or being a dysfunctional condition or a disease whose cause is unknown: essential hypertension.
Brilliant!
Members of Congress don’t have to live in the district they represent, so Bachmann is free to run wherever she likes…
All Hail Bachmann, First Empress of the Moon!!
Great minds think alike.
Or, small minds seldom differ. You pick.
Gingrich will have something to say about that. The moon is Newt's turf, after all.
Given the fact that Congress members have no requirement to work in their own constituants best interests, it seems fair that they don't have to live near them either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rloidlFbi4w
For her new neighbors.
Members of Congress don’t have to live in the district they represent
Remember when the wingnuts were going on about Hillary's campaigning for the Senate seat of New York, calling her a carpetbagger? Can't wait for them to use consistent logic and do the same to Shelly…
…ah, there's the good laugh I needed.
I can’t blame her I wouldn’t want to live in a district that had that crazy a Congressional Representative either.
I think they're all foster/adopted kids. But what's weird is that she "had them born" like some kind of bespoke thing.
They have five apparently natural children as well as all the foster kids. But how they were conceived given Marcus' predilections is a mystery that I quite frankly don't want to think about.
Well, I guess when the lights are out a hole is a hole.
Er … not exactly. Take my word for it.
"Predilections" is such a delicious word!
What says Mr. Llama?
He made some kinda awful honkin' sound and then spat up a gob of phlegm. (shrugs)
In other words, your average sixth district voter.
Oh, you *know* these people?
Don't bother running in any district. Simple.
Remember when she said she wouldn't? Bitch lies about *everything.*
There must be some kind of cure for her problem.
Alas, only a Second Amendment remedy.
Voting her out of office would be a good way to put her our of your misery.
Well, she could go all Wizard of Oz on our ass and have her home relocated to the new district via tornado.
4th? 6th? Just hearing her name makes me want to open up another 5th.
"whether she’ll bring schleppy husband Funbags Bachmann" There, corrected.
Well, that's acceptable. Because in the immortal words of One L's homie Jan Brewer, the Bachmanns "have did everything they could" to have a babbie the popular trans-vaginal way.
Congressional boundaries change. You can't explain it!
Oh sweet jeebus, I would have paid plenty of good money to watch this dipshit run against Keith Ellison. Keith Ellison who is logical, reasonable, sensible, calm, pleasant, unruffled, mild-mannered, articulate, and lucid against THE QUEEN OF THE NUTBAGS!
Oh Elder Deities, why are you so fucking CRUEL?
but he's Blah,, you see, Blah !
This is true. But his district seems to like him for the colour of his brains.
BRAAAAAINZ!!
Those fucking zombies would starve to death with Bachmann around.
Maybe an anchor baby would have kept her house in the old district.
Well, *I* was secretly hoping to get her stuck in the cat door, pull off her underroos, stick a dandelion up her ass, and paint her blue, but hey. We all have our little quirks.
I live in Idaho, can I run my crazy-eyed dog against her?
Why not? Just don't let it get too *close* to her, the bitch looks rabid. Bachmann, not your dog.
Those activist judges moved Michele's cheese (so to speak) while she was busy in Iowa. What meanies!
I'm going the essentially start using the word essentially whenever i make a statement. Then no one will ever know if i am essentially full of bullshit or not. it is essentially genius.
As in: "Not essentially intended as an essentially factual statement"?
Yeah… I kinda like how that flows.
Megyn?
This is good news for Elwyn Tinklenberg.
But probably not good enough.
Tinklenberg running in the 6th?
With a name like that, and Michele's performance on Hardball accusing Congress of un-American activities, I still don't understand how he lost.
Don't you just want to pinch that name's little cheeks!!
Such language! Elwyn Tinklenberg? We're going to have to wash your mouth out with soap.
Carpetmuncher!
When you consider that Congress is Made of Millionaires, how could you possibly want them to *live* among the hoi polloi who elect them?
But will she ever come back to Earth?
Back? When was she ever here?
She apparently had an out of body experience while reading a Gore Vidal book back in the 70s.
http://www.startribune.com/politics/11593596.html…
BMW, you know quite well that she's been having an *out of brain* experience ever since she was born. That her body should *eventually* catch up is hardly surprising. (Picks up teacup, sticks out pinky)
You can't blame Bachmann from wanting to stay in the 6th after the Minnesota legislature carved out a majority lizard men district just for her.
"Members of Congress don’t have to live in the district they represent, so Bachmann is free to run wherever she likes in Minnesota."
And she will…she doesn't like to actually BE in the district she represents so she rarely ever appears there.
Also…"I’ll continue my service to the people in the district where I……had my babies born"
HAD MY BABIES BORN?(!) Were they born by her or not?
" Oh I think I'll have my babies born over HERE, instead of where all my pregnant foster children had THEIR babies born."
She's reliably anti-tax, including syntax.
So, her plan for the people in her district not to fill out census forms worked!
I'm sure she can move her home, even if it is a Double-wide.
“That decision will be made. I’m not sure what we will be doing on that front,” she said
I guess she'll have fire up the old titanium spine and make a decision.
Since she's not moving to the White House the way God told her.
Marcus defers to Michele on all front-related activities.
He gets to be in charge of rear-related activities.
It's things like this fair division of labor that make for a smooth marriage.
If she moves back into her district, they'll just redraw the lines again. Get the hint, already.
Don't care where she lives, long as it ain't in my neighborhood.
Yeah, well, I know exactly what "lick" means in Cat, and I ain't having any, buddy.
*Especially* not after you just got done cleaning your arse.
Oy. Michele should really consider using a teleprompter and learning some English.
I love how the conservatives use the word "essentially." lol
In a very superficial way, this reminds me of how the Republicans drew the maps here in Michigan. Of the three major candidates running for the newly redrawn 14th, only one actually lives in the district, and the other two are incumbents drawn out of their previous districts or into other incumbents districts. The one that actually lives in the newly drawn district isn't even given any press or recognition from the local unions.
Funbags, updated: Teh gheyz are essentially barbarians, and they essentially need to be educated.
Her head, however, is still firmly planted up her ass; so she has that going for her, which is nice…
I *so* did not need to ever envision that.
Bwa ha ha …
You know, Historicat, you have a *real cruel* strea … oh, wait, you're a cat.
Never mind.
(Goes back to licking self in loud and obnoxious manner.)
I swear to deity, I have never yet encountered a cat who did not feel *obliged* to clean its rear end when company was present. And yes, with full sound effects. You're trying to have a conversation with friends you haven't seen for a while, maybe, or neighbours, or the real estate/bank evaluators, and they walk right in the room, sit down in the middle of it, raise that leg to the heavens, and commence playing anal cello. WTF is it with you guys?
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