Michelle Obama Takes Millionth Vacation For Fake Holiday

Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion to explode with rage. But this wasn’t actually our FLOTUS’ most scandalous action over the weekend. Over at CNN, there is somebody with a grievance against the First Lady, and surprisingly, it is not because of her fancy vacations. It is because of the way she is taking those fancy vacations, on holidays that do not exist.

Last fall, Michelle Obama joined the mind-numbing world of Twitter. She still tweets occasionally, and uses “-MO” as her signature, to let everybody know that she wrote her own words, which should be obeyed.

Michelle Obama wished her famous husband a “Happy President’s Day” on twitter earlier Monday, declaring @BarackObama her “personal favorite.” The tweet was signed “-MO,” which the Obama campaign has said means it comes from the first lady directly.

The only problem? There is no such thing as Presidents Day. The official name of the holiday is “Washington’s Birthday,” according to the Office of Personnel Management, the agency in charge of federal employees.

Surely, this must have been some sort of mistake. Our FLOTUS is an educated woman, not the sort of lady to get her information from the way a holiday’s name is printed in every single calendar on the planet.

“Washington’s Birthday” (his actual birthday is February 22) was declared a federal holiday in the late 1800’s and moved to the third Monday of February in the 1970’s. There have since been various failed congressional attempts to rename the holiday “President’s Day” to also honor Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday is February 12.

Few, including the first lady, refer to today as Washington’s Birthday thanks to the scores of car dealerships, mattress sellers, and other retailers who long ago determined “President’s Day sale” rolls off the tongue easier.

“Enjoy your cheap mattress sales, America!” is basically what CNN would like to say about this. But that is also probably what Michelle was thinking, while happily gliding down the slopes, so it seems as though the two parties can now put their differences aside until the next mail holiday. [CNN]