flotus files

Michelle Obama Takes Millionth Vacation For Fake Holiday

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion to explode with rage. But this wasn’t actually our FLOTUS’ most scandalous action over the weekend. Over at CNN, there is somebody with a grievance against the First Lady, and surprisingly, it is not because of her fancy vacations. It is because of the way she is taking those fancy vacations, on holidays that do not exist.

Last fall, Michelle Obama joined the mind-numbing world of Twitter. She still tweets occasionally, and uses “-MO” as her signature, to let everybody know that she wrote her own words, which should be obeyed.

Michelle Obama wished her famous husband a “Happy President’s Day” on twitter earlier Monday, declaring @BarackObama her “personal favorite.” The tweet was signed “-MO,” which the Obama campaign has said means it comes from the first lady directly.

The only problem? There is no such thing as Presidents Day. The official name of the holiday is “Washington’s Birthday,” according to the Office of Personnel Management, the agency in charge of federal employees.

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Surely, this must have been some sort of mistake. Our FLOTUS is an educated woman, not the sort of lady to get her information from the way a holiday’s name is printed in every single calendar on the planet.

“Washington’s Birthday” (his actual birthday is February 22) was declared a federal holiday in the late 1800’s and moved to the third Monday of February in the 1970’s. There have since been various failed congressional attempts to rename the holiday “President’s Day” to also honor Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday is February 12.

Few, including the first lady, refer to today as Washington’s Birthday thanks to the scores of car dealerships, mattress sellers, and other retailers who long ago determined “President’s Day sale” rolls off the tongue easier.

“Enjoy your cheap mattress sales, America!” is basically what CNN would like to say about this. But that is also probably what Michelle was thinking, while happily gliding down the slopes, so it seems as though the two parties can now put their differences aside until the next mail holiday. [CNN]

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About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

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120 comments

    1. MittBorg

      If only we had some kind of device, like in MIB, where we could wipe out our memory of the Bush yea … oh, right, that's automatic if you're a Republican.

  1. Callyson

    WWGWD?
    What would George Washington do?
    I'd like to think he would tell the wingnuts "FFS, chill out and focus on real issues. I did not bust my ass helping to create this nation only to see it torn down by a bunch of idiots and assholes."

  2. anniegetyerfun

    So, when I kept writing "Presidents' Day isn't a real thing, assholes!" all over Twitter, I was technically correct?

  3. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Never mind the Preznits Day kefuffle — there are blahs at Aspen! How uppity of them! How dare they lord it over the ordinary tea-bagging Real American™ proletariat?
    The Fucks Gnus outrage machine is definitely going to kick into gear over this. (If Rmoney owns a big fucking chalet right on the slopes, of course, it will not be mentioned.)

    1. Biff

      Famously white, never-elected former Preznit Ford lived in Aspen(Beaver Creek, actually), and fox never made a peep.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Did Faux even exist during Ford's political life? I doubt they reported on much more than his obituary.

        You'd be hard-pressed to find Faux making any mention of Aspen, except in connection with some liberal personality being rich and snooty.

        1. Biff

          No, of course fox didn't exist during Ford's political life, but neither did they exist during reagan's political life; that doesn't stop them.

    2. not that Dewey

      You sure know your constituents. From the CNN comments:

      LeeMulcahy

      Obama’s family is spending the night 4 blocks from house here in Aspen. I am an 8th generation Texan: My great great grandfather founded Baylor University with the Republic of Texas. As one of the leaders of the Tea Party in Aspen,I am currently banned for speaking out from the Aspen Art Museum’s City of Aspen property and National Forest leased by the billionaire Crown family from Chicago.

      Can u say carpetbaggers?

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Heh … fucker's from Texas, and busily fouling the political landscape in Aspen … but someone passigng through for a week is a "carpetbagger".

        Too bad cognitive dissonance requires a minimum level of brainpower.

        1. not that Dewey

          I do believe that "carpetbaggers" is his dog whistle — it shares the last 5 letters with the word that he really wanted to say.

  4. MissTaken

    Mattress buying on Washington's Birthday is all kinds of sad. They're always filled with wooden teeth and cherry pits. President's Day mattresses on the other hand come with extra blow jobs. Yay!

        1. MittBorg

          Awright, are you sockpuppeting here, SorosBot?

          (I almost said "sockpuppeting *her,* which would have been deliciously naughty, but not quite the same thing.)

  5. actor212

    Wow! The kids get FOUR VACATIONS YEAR?

    Don't they realize they're supposed to mop bathrooms or some such nonsense? Most Americans don't have four JOBS much less four vacations! Four jobs, that's uniquely American!

  6. anniegetyerfun

    Accounting for trips out of Washington for several days, the total number of vacations Washington Secrets tabulated is 16, 10 where the family was together, such as for Christmas and summer vacations, one by the president and five by the first lady.

    So, the family goes out of town 3.3 times per year together? Scandalous.

    1. MissTaken

      Seriously. I have Facebook friends who post pictures of their family vacations to Disneyland at least 3 times a month.

      1. MittBorg

        By the time I finally quit working, I had accumulated so much vacation time (you know, because we all had no fucking lives so we worked around the clock anyway) that we were *ordered* to take vacations every X months to reduce our outstanding vacation balance, because otherwise the company would be carrying it as a liability on the books.

        Michelle ain't got nothing on us old farts with long employment tenure, dood. Er, doodine, I mean.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I was certain that there must be some out there, so I started to Google
      "obamas ski vacation". Got as far as "ski" and my choices are "why is obamas skin yellow?" and "why is obamas skin orange?".

      Sigh.

      Oh, try Politico, if you want to start tearing your hair out after five seconds of reading or so.

  7. BlueStateLibel

    And for those of you who celebrate the Fourth of July, busted! It's actually Independence Day, suckers – and you're all under arrest!

    1. actor212

      Personally, I celebrate the *hic* Fifth of July, if you get my meaning, and I think that you do…STOP JUDGING ME! I'm not as think as you drunk I am!

          1. Biff

            Because that's the day that famous Messican ship "El Mayo", sank, therefore we celebrate "El Sink-o de Mayo".
            It has nothing at all to do with mayonnaise.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    Hold on to your vagina Michelle! Any more vacations and they are going to probe you. I mean have sex with you. Oh what's the diff? Fuck off cnn.

  9. SorosBot

    Next, Michelle will OUTRAGE people by referring to Independence Day as "The Fourth of July".

    Seriously they are really stretching to create a fake controversy here.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    CNN’s Larry Shaughnessy contributed to this report

    It took two people to dash off that little nugget of pedantry? Good golly, how many of 'em does it take to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

  11. DaRooster

    When my son was about 5 his mother, (being a Jehovah's Witness), my ex, didn't want me to celebrate Christmas with him. She said, "Jesus wasn't born on December 25th."
    I replied,"Well George Washington wasn't born on the third Monday of every February either…"

  12. Baconzgood

    You know the lil' lady mentioned about all the mattress sales on monday. We came to the conclusion that the executive branch is all about big mattress money.

    1. MittBorg

      It's different when you're white. You're *allowed* to do this stuff.

      Hell, didn't Nance spend over a million bucks on some fucking PLATES for the WH? I didn't hear none of these assholes sayin' nothin' about that.

    2. Negropolis

      I know, right? Hell, even when Laura was physically in the White House, her mind was clearly somewhere else. Xanax'll do that.

  13. tihond

    In my day, first ladies didn't vacation. It was too hard to vacation and still keep the aspirin between their knees, you see…

  14. chascates

    She deserves every vacation she takes and a whole lot more. Since the Obamas have been in the White House they have been subjected to the most intense hatred imaginable from the worst people that live in America. She is raising two fine daughters and trying to change people's eating habits, among the worst in the developed world.
    She has so much class to ignore these cretins and try to provide her family with as normal a life as she can.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      When you live so well that only the lowest of cretins disparage you, you know you're doing it right.

      Four more years of class, style, and dignity would be nice. I'd vote for Barry for that reason alone.

    2. Negropolis

      When they win a second term, I totally want her to show up at the inaugeration with an afro and decked out in red, yellow, green and red just to make the cretins' heads explode.

  15. flamingpdog

    Mabye Michelle wouldn't catch so much grief from the Teatard panty-wetters if she signed her tweets "MOFO" instead of "MO".

      1. flamingpdog

        She said that in 2004. You expect folks to remember that far back?

        And I thought the eruption came when someone on Fucks Snooze called Michelle Barry's "baby mama" in 2008 and the tards tried to justify it by saying she had called him her "babydaddy" four years earlier. Meh, time to go home and drink!

  16. tihond

    Remember when first ladies didn't vacation? Remember when first ladies didn't have opinions? Remember when women weren't allowed to vote? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

  17. littlebigdaddy

    Hey, OT, but are we going to get treated to that scary George Washington action video again this year? Sort of a Wonkette tradition.

  18. mavenmaven

    You can bet that had she said "Washington's Day" they would have accused her of attempting to denigrate known right wing Republican Abraham Lincoln.

  19. Mojopo

    If this spat were a fart, it's not very impressive. I may have lifted my left cheek but all that came out was a quick hiss.

  20. DaRooster

    I heard a car commercial-
    "Come on down and celebrate President's Day with a new (Ford, Chevy, Whatever)…"

    It made me wonder why I have never "Celebrated" President's Day… Woo Hoo!!

  21. Mojopo

    The only problem I have with MO's ski trip is that she didn't do it on frozen crystals of champagne that she bought with her own goddamned moneeeeee!

  22. imissopus

    Real Amurcans spend this holiday weekend shopping for new mattresses and throwing empty Budweiser cans at their kids, not taking fancy ski weekends using my tax dollars.

  23. finallyhappy

    As a former Federal employee who has a deep and abiding hatred of OPM for screwing up first my pension and then my healthcare, I suggest anything they say is wrong-so if they say it is Washington's birthday, it is probably actually Christmas

    1. flamingpdog

      Well, since Jesus was the Founder of our Country and the author of the Constitution, maybe you're on to something there.

  24. grace_nearing

    Everyone's wrong! The celebration has been expanded to Presidents Week. That's right, no stinkin' apostrophe needed. Sometimes the celebration miraculously lasts until long after Eastern Orthodox Easter.

  25. ttommyunger

    Why can't she cut some brush, fer Chrissakes? All these uppity white folk vacations just piss me off.

Comments are closed.