Back in May of 2008, everything was awesome. George W. Bush was the president, for example, and we were only a few months into the nationwide housing collapse that is still lingering today. And that was the last time the DJIA stock index of major U.S. companies touched 13,000.

Today, the magic of history was repeated, and the Dow again hit 13,000. Not everything is exactly the same, of course. But enough things are the same — endless wars in Afghanistan and other various Islamic countries, historical levels of income inequality, a rotting abscess at the very heart of the world’s dominant theology of capitalist welfare — to make the most fortunate people in America believe things will “stay the course.”

And for that, Barack Obama will be re-elected in November, the end. [MSNBC]

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  • God Bless America and the drone strikes for which we stand.
    One Nation, incorporated, with liberty and justice for those who can afford it.

  • Blueb4sunrise


  • Respitetini

    Oh thank god. That means the economy's all better nao, right? 'Cause that's what the Dow is? The Economy?

    • It is to the people who matter, apparently.

      • gullywompr

        The Dow is people too, my friend.

    • proudgrampa

      "…that's what the Dow is? The Economy? "

      We all wish.

  • SorosBot

    And all those capital gains are all still taxed at only 15%; uggh.

  • MissTaken


    • Mrs. Gingrich, please come to the head of the line.

  • Callyson

    I can hear the wingnuts now: "Why does the Dow hate America?"

    • Limbaugh: I don't trust those numbers.

      Palin: I don't trust those numbers.

      Santorum: The stock market is a false theology based on political science not biblical principles.

      • widestanceromance

        Only numbers stored or found in aluminum canisters are reliable.

        • Or on golden sheets found in the woods.

    • rickmaci

      Dow sounds Chinese to me.

      • Respitetini

        The Index that can be valuated is not the eternal Index.

  • Lucidamente1

    It's mourning in America.

  • nounverb911

    Nevermind, it went down again.

    • nounverb911

      Nevermind, my nevermind, it went back up.

      • SoBeach

        Down again.

      • SorosBot

        It went down again, then got back up – are you talking about the Dow or a penis?

        • EatsBabyDingos

          Or are we in Virginia getting a transvaginal ultrasound with the possibility of triplets? Or are we reading the latest book from Sheriff Babeu, "Fingering Suspected Illegals for Fun and Profit?"

        • Dow goes up, dow goes down…

          et cetera, ad nauseam

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq


          • gullywompr

            The market tends to fluctuate.

          • DahBoner

            Ah, flux…

          • Nostrildamus

            Another Obama flip-flop.

  • edgydrifter

    But the markets would be in much better shape if a Republican were in office because of uncertainty or lack of inspration or whatever is this month's media-approved euphemism for I can't fucking believe we have to put up with a black guy touching our stuff in the White House.

  • SoBeach

    The Dow is up 62% since Obama took office. Imagine how high it would be if Obama weren't a Kenyan muslim socialist communist nazi deliberately trying to destroy America and capitalism.

    (In case anyone is wondering, when the last president left office the Dow was 25% lower than it was when he took office eight years earlier. Yet somehow the dipshits on CNBC keep talking about how bad democrats in general, and Obama in particular are for their precious stock market. )

    • MissTaken

      It's a sneaky little fact that the stock market likes Democratic Presidents. You don't hear that too often on CNBC, but it's true.

      • SoBeach

        It's not sneaky to people who occasionally check in with reality instead letting their ideology shape their reality.

      • SorosBot

        You mean trashing the economy with deregulation, lower government spending on domestic concerns and endless wars are bad for the economy? Who could have guessed?

        • SoBeach

          I just don't see how all those smart people who said we could cut taxes AND spend tons more on wars and stuff could have been wrong.

          • rickmaci

            They all had MBA's.

  • el_donaldo

    The last time they hit it, Wall Street looked out and saw that everyone else had too much money in their checking accounts and retirement plans, so they decided to hit reset. I think they're much happier with it the second time around.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Damn. If Obama had simply been an old-school Commie, the Dow would probably be over 15,000.

  • I knew those Bush tax cuts would eventually kick in, and save the economy! It only took ::checks watch:: ten years!

    On the bright side, it seems they're finally undoing the damage caused by Obama's time-travelling health care reform and wall street regulations, which caused the recession to happen 1 and 3 years before either of those things passed, respectively.

    Or maybe it was all Clinton's fault, because blowjobs. I forget.

    • SoBeach

      Nah. It's all thanks to the republicans winning the house in 2010 and putting this country back on the right track.

      • This is also true! Because House Republicans have successfully passed so much important legislation, and totally have not obstructed the routine business of the government, not to mention made multiple threats to shut down the government!

        • SoBeach

          Plus, is it a coincidence that the Dow breaks 13,000 the same day polls show Santorum has a 10 point lead over Romney? Heck no. The market is just pricing in the boom we're going to see when Rick gets elected.

  • MinAgain

    Democracy. Ain't it a kick in the pants?

  • RadioSBJ

    Now this is Obama's Watergate.

  • freakishlywrong


  • EatsBabyDingos

    This does not help me, since I went long with the Hoag Duster Company and shorted Acme American Flag Car Magnets, Inc. in 2000.

  • James Michael Curley

    I have a long position in K-Y Brands.

  • Sue4466

    The dow is up, so goes the batshittery on the right. Expect even more crazy as the economy "improves." By the time unemployment drops to 7%, the GOP candiates will be on CNN discussing Obama's war on snake handling and speaking in tongues.

  • LesBontemps

    Dow at 13,000, but stil no money for you.

    Where are we keeping the guillotines?

    • Sue4466

      Hey watch it, pointing out the inequity is class warfare. Someone* could get hurt.

      *someone important, i.e., not a poor.

  • mavenmaven

    No, Mitch Daniels already declared that this recovery is a Kenyan-Socialist un-American recovery because "history says the deeper the down, the sharper the up".

  • As long as Amalgamated Spats rides the wave, I'm golden.

  • Guppy

    This calls for some totally Christian bacchanalia at Wall Street's golden calf in celebration!

    • MadBrahms

      Christian bacchanalia? Ooh! Ooh! Root beer kegger!

  • tihond


  • Biff

    Just recently, my 401k finally regained all the losses it sustained back then. What an awesome investment tool, that mutual fund!
    Now if I could just recoup the losses from that other albatross, my house.

    • Why can't we maker all the Olds do that, instead of this "Socialist Security" thing?

  • rickmaci

    Huh? "Fist"? Some new interwebs secret code talk or something?

  • UW8316154

    Wonkette comment count exceeds 2,000 for the first time. Obama for the win!

  • elburritodeluxe

    The economy rebounds just when we start burning Korans. Coincidence?

  • ttommyunger

    Pesky facts.

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