PRIVATE SECTOR EXPERIENCE  1:39 pm February 21, 2012

Great Moments In Romney Family Social Media Pix

by Jim Newell

Sketchy Mormon dad doing something sexy with a water hose.Mitt Romney and fam are all over the social media! So says Buzzfeed, which trawled through every comical Twitter or Blogspot photo any Romney or in-law has posted over the past several years. Here’s Mitt Romney at his mansion’s rodeo grounds(?) teaching his grandkids how to spray factory workers who are considering unionizing with an acid hose. What is that dirty look on his face? Oh well. After the jump: Craig Romney’s tits!

Has Craig Romney been Sheriff Paul Babeu’s illegal gay Mexican lover all this time?

For Halloween 2007, Craig Romney went “dressed as his dad,” his wife as a hippie/Pocahontas, and then what we have is a furry. Can the furry be president, please?

[Buzzfeed]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 228 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Is Craig modeling the new, improved Magic Underwear?

Ruhe February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Yes, he is. The new model features an actual poop-sack for all those lying poop-sacks out there.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Needs a BIGGER poop-sack.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

They don't have to wear it when they're swimming, but they have to get back in it lickety-split when they're done.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

They're *Mormonz,* dood. They don't *do* lickety.

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Is Rmoney getting ready to hose off Seamus again?

memzilla February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Q: What do Seamus and José Sheriffpacker have in common?

A: Roofies!

Biff February 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Wait–Boyd Packer was a sheriff? I thought he was just a prophet!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

He's profiting off being a fudge Packer? Damn, I'm in the wrong line of work.

FlownOver February 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm

That's the way he holds the hose, so that determines how tall the trees should be.

memzilla February 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm

My deepest sympathy, and a gallon of frothy eye-bleach, to the Buzzfeed crew.

What is seen, cannot be unseen.

donner_froh February 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Craig and his wife look like brainwashed zombies.

RedneckMuslin February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

OR Mormon. Same thing.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

That is one very, very white family.

Preferred Customer February 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm

But they look pretty happy! It should give us comfort that an insanely rich white family can still find happiness in this great nation of ours.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

No shit. Beyond whitebread.

Fare la Volpe February 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

And here I was marveling that every member looks like they were drowned in bronzer. What is it with super rich preps that makes them tan so obsessively?

johnnymeatworth February 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Can't spell "bronzer" without "boner…."

flamingpdog February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

His dad? He looks more like Huntsman in that picture. Hmmmmm.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I was thinking that, but didn't want to SAY it because I figured, with all the weed I've been smoking lately …

ThundercatHo February 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Eh, those mormans all look alike. Might have something to do with the shallower gene pool also, too.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Funny, I hadn't considered that. You're correct, though. They're pretty inbred, at this point, especially with all the plural-marriageing and the NO CULLUD PEEPLEZ EVAH shit.

north_of_moscow February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Does anyone else see the spooky apparition in the background of the top photo?

BornInATrailer February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

The little ghostly child in the middle right side? Yeah. Probably just looking for one of those special baptisms.

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Gabriel Santorum?

flamingpdog February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Looks like he's playing air guitar. Can anyone name all the great Mormon guitarists?

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Liberace?

coolhandnuke February 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Neil Brigham Young.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Mick Ronson!!!

ph7 February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Jimi Hendix, Duanne Allman, Stevie Ray Vaughan? (If they're dead, Mitt's Army retro-baptized them Mormon).

FlownOver February 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Relax. It's just Moroni, checking up.

EatsBabyDingos February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Oh, they are just white shadows. The tall one's name is Barnabus Collins.

FlownOver February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Ken Howard, but who's counting?

Ruhe February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Yes, gesturing toward the trees as if to say

"My mother killed her little son;
My father grieved when I was gone;
My sister loved me best of all;
She laid her kerchief over me,
And took my bones that they might lie
Underneath the juniper-tree
Kywitt, Kywitt, what a beautiful bird am I!"

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Geezus, that's Grimm.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's Mittens, dood. Must have fallen in the horseshit, because I don't believe RMONEYS can tan.

BlueStateLibel February 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You mean that ghost of a laid-off steel worker?

MrFizzy February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Probably safe to assume Willard was using the fire hose to teach his dog or the lawn boy some new tricks.

el_donaldo February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I miss Huntsman's daughters already.

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I hear Scott Brown's are still available.

weej_bain February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Title for the last one "The Lion, the Witch, and the Boardroom."

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I wonder if they strapped the Lion to the roof of the car jes' like dear ol' dad?

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

That's a bingo.

Nostrildamus February 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I was thinking "Twilight: The Pocahontas Years".

flamingpdog February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Newell, if you ever publish a picture of Rick Santorum holding a hose like that with fluid spraying out of the end, I'm never coming back to Wonkette again.

freakishlywrong February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Is that middle photo why none of his litter of boys never joined the military? Or, maybe, only poors fight the wars, right, Craig?

Texan_Bulldog February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Don't you know they serve the country by working on their father's campaign? (Frankly, my 4 years in the Army were probably a lot easier than trying to make Willard seem human-like.)

Callyson February 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Some missions just refuse to be accomplished.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm

And thanks for your service.

Texan_Bulldog February 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Awww….thanks. Frankly, I feel guilty taking any praise for it.

It was from 85-89, stateside the whole time. Times were less crazy and my MOS was journalist so I stayed in HQs buildings most of the time. I mostly just drank (there was a bar about 200 yards from the barracks) and bitched about PT (see part about the bar).

I swear to Allah, the most important things I learned were how to drive a stick (transmission–not man parts) & how to french braid my hair so I wouldn't have to cut it.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Service to the nation is praiseworthy in any capacity. Bet you can french braid under fire, now.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I learned to drive a manual transmission in the Korean DMZ. You might say I was a highly motivated student. Since I was rarely near a shower (combat arms MOS, you know) I kept the hair cut pretty short and got used to it.

edgydrifter February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

That bottom picture shows the Mormon Trinity: Aslan, Mitt and Sacajawea.

Ruhe February 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Plausible.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Needs WAY MOAR brownth.

ThundercatHo February 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Would that make the Winter Witch Queen Sarah Palin?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

What a lovely idea!

MrFizzy February 21, 2012 at 5:23 pm

That's a woman who's never, ever had a dick in her mouth.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I see Lizard People!
~

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Who's that neglected child way over on the right in the first photograph?

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I don't know who that child is but I guaran-fucking-tee it's going to give me nightmares tonight. Aah!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm

That child made less than 30% on his investments the year before, so he isn't allowed to join in the family fun of hosing down the hippies.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

You mean the image of those children doesn't make you want to get pregnant and have another screaming mouth to feed and take care of?

The other day I actually got some shit from two friends who are parents for telling them I don't want to have kids. There's something about being a parent that makes a lot of people unable to understand the fact that many of us don't want to join them in parenthood.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Want" kids! You don't know anything about a parenting. "Want" that's rich.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Well of course if Santorum gets his way kids would have to result from fucking and there would be nothing we could do to prevent that.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

*Those children* aren't the ones scaring me. They seem like normal enough kids for being multi-millionaires who will never work a day in their lives. On the other hand, I'm completely fucking frightened of the one on the far right standing in the middle of nowhere with nothing by magical underroos to keep it warm.

I saw Sleepaway Camp and that kid definitely has the hot curling iron in the vagina in it's future.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Looks like the tyke has a firm grip on her thing in the photo, Mitt posted kiddie-pron!

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Oh it is a very, very creepy child there; were I a Romney I'd be watching out to see if it starts torturing animals.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Don't listen to those dumb assholes. Trust me on this. The reason they're giving you shit about kids is, they want EVERYONE to be as miserable as them. You know that whole "this is why we can't have nice things" meme? It was INVENTED for breeders. Find yourself a partner who also wants to be childfree. Better yet, get yourself snipped early. That way, if the partner suddenly suffers a hormone-induced desire for sprog, you won't be trapped into paying for the rest of your life.

The ONLY people who should EVER have children are people who REALLY REALLY want them and are willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary.

There's a large and growing childfree community out there. Not all of us want to bring new lives into this dying world to share our misery.

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Note: Not everyone who has kids is miserable, and not every child-free person is a selfish asshole.

Though many seem to make the mistake of thinking those are both true.

ThundercatHo February 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Your "friends" are full of shit or possibly brain damaged cuz children can do that to you. I have several friends who are childless and I applaud their decision and tell them so. As much as I love mine they are a royal pain in the ass sometimes and often I have envied my kid-free friends.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Personally, I think it takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice to be a parent. You really *can't* have nice things, because your children have to be your first priority. That means all furniture has to be kid-safe FIRST and aesthetically appealing second.

I remember being pretty fucking obnoxious as a kid (yeah, I know, I haven't changed much). Dad used to take Sunday naps on the couch, and I would pull out his leg hairs, nose hairs, and chest hairs when I wanted to wake him up. Let's hope your kids don't torment you as much as I did my parents.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

That's the one that was going to get hosed if Mitt could have manned up enough to control the damned thing.

Nostrildamus February 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm

An indentured servant playing lawn jockey. They're all over Mitt's estate.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 4:50 pm

WE HAVE A WIN!

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

No matter where I stand Craig's wife is staring right at me. Please make it stop.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm

It's the KrayZEyez.

Texan_Bulldog February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Hmmm….I bet even the Amish have more exciting times than these people.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

These people are people too my friend.

Biff February 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I want proof.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Mormons are allowed to have happy trails?

widestanceromance February 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Looks like the top half of it got pulled down as if by. . .magic.

bagofmice February 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Multiple.

widestanceromance February 21, 2012 at 1:51 pm

ZOMG, the teeth, the teeth!! I need to lie down in a dark place for a while.

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm

They will still find you there.

Lucidamente1 February 21, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Where's the picture of my dead Nana Sylvia's baptism?

prommie February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Romney's sons are complete ass-hats, there is something distinctly Duke-ish about them. I hope they run in to Adam Hock late some night.

edgydrifter February 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Not that I have anything against the royal family of Monaco or anything, but if life presents you with the chance to break an actual prince's jaw, you must seize the opportunity.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Hock is my new hero.

Negropolis February 22, 2012 at 1:19 am

I love how you turned Duck into an adjective. lol

Fuck Duke, and the UNC they rode in on.

James Michael Curley February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

He went to a party dressed as his father?

prommie February 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

You can't be too careful, when there is an inheritance at stake. Look what happened to that fat ugly talentless girl whose father, a gazillionaire producer put on a TV show, what was her name? See, this Romney kid knows, your nose can never bee too brown, when it means living large for life without ever having to earn a penny or work a day.

flamingpdog February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Kathryn Jean Lopez's father is a gazillionaire TV producer?

James Michael Curley February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Rosanne Barr's father is a gazillionaire?

Crank_Tango February 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

And the best part is, it's Jon Huntsman.

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

If he wanted to scare people, he should've dressed as his dad's economic policies.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Craig's wife has a serious case of Michele Buchmann stare.

freddymcmurray February 22, 2012 at 2:07 am

And Frau Gingrinch stare, and Laura "Pickles" Bush stare, and… well, you get the idea.

Local_Mojo February 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

For the love of God, don't look into their eyes!

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm

One of us, one of us, one of us.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Man, I watched that movie (I collect movies) recently and immediately issued a "DO NOT WATCH" warning to the family.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Gabba gabba hey,

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm

WUT MOVIE?

ETA: OK, I found it. Tod Browning's Freaks, correct?

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm

That's the one. Holy shit, that movie is disturbing. On many, many levels. Then, when you watch the special features where they talk about how it was made and what happened to the actors, even worse!

flamingpdog February 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Cute – the little furry has arrows on his shoes so he knows which end of the shoe to stick his feet in.

coolhandnuke February 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Mitt's watering his children of the cornfields, and one escaped.

freakishlywrong February 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Holy Moroni. All teeth and hair. It's like a whiter version of the Osmonds.

larryfinexx February 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Do you have any pictures of Newt Gingrich in a bathing suit?

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm

MY MIIIIIIIIINNNNNDS EYE!!!! IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

JEZUS! NO, you sicko! WTF is wrong with you?

Crank_Tango February 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"so THAT'S how it is in their family." Mormon sperm hose libel!

Also, Craig Romney's dad is Jon Huntsman…awkward!

Chillwillard February 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Caption for the first pic:"Look kids, Grandpa knows how to handle hoes."

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

"We don't love them hose."

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I went as my dad once for halloween. I didn't shave for a week, had a mustard stain on my t-shirt, plumbers crack, and got surly drunk all the while yelling "that you'll never amount to anything" and "You may be bigger than me but you'll NEVER be 'Badder' than me"

Good times.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Son?….

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Don't you even *think* about biting that poor child.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Yeah, same costume for my dad, but instead yell "the reason you're never gonna have any friends is because you're a fucking asshole."

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm

You too, huh? (Hugs the prommie)

Don't worry. Soon as I'm elected god of this planet we're putting a stop to all that shit.

Geez, why the FUCK do people HAVE kids if they're not gonna love them, the stupid bastids.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:06 pm

(Hugs the little piglet) Jeez, Baconzgood, I am SO sorry, man. Your Dad sounds like a complete asshole. There's another feckin' eejit who should've been snipped at the age of nine.

But then, we wouldn't have you, would we, and we all know Baconzgood.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I'm pretty sure the first photo is Mitt showing how to get rid of Santorum.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

He's only had experience with the dog, though, so I don't think the hose will help him much against Rick.

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

So…how does Craig's wife's costume fit in with Mormon theology again?

Biff February 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Lamanites are people too, my friend. At least after they die and get baptized and turn white.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

She's a Lamanite, just like in the Book of Mormonz.

MrFizzy February 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm

It's fake.

yellowerdog February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

This is NO WAY to refer to an important political figure. We all can recall, 4 years ago, how the Obamas were treated throughout the internet with universal respect, deference and kindness, and have been treated with reverence ever since.

MinAgain February 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm

He went as his father? I hope he didn't expect to get laid after the party.

Local_Mojo February 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Or maybe he did, hmm?

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm

If only these could be in 3D like those posters they used to at the mall.

meatlofer February 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I would pokeaHontas!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Not HER hontas. Those KrayZEyez, dood. They'd be looking at you!

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Crazy is fun. Until she boils your rabbit.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The bunny-boilers are the *worst,* I swear.

Callyson February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Now we know why Mittens has so many kids.

EatsBabyDingos February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Baptizing the dead dandelions

DerrickWildcat February 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I wish I had an actual Firetruck as a toy when I was a kid.

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm

What we're not seeing in the first picture with the hose…Romney hung his dog up by the collar in the tree…what? That's how they wash the dog in the Romney home.

Also…the picture of Craig. Doesn't he kinda look like Donny Osmand with a beard?

teebob2000 February 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm

C'mon, you're playing on that ugly stereotype that "they all look alike." Next you'll be using the M-word and claiming they can't swim. Shame on you.

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm

MORMON! There…I said it! MORMONS can't swim, neither (at least on Sunday)

Seriously…what the fuck is up with the religion?

Magic underwear?
Magical disappearing gold plates (a big wtf for this too. At least Moses remembered to put the tablets in a box. It's not his fault his kids lost the damn box.)
Can't swim (or recreate in general) on Sunday
You get your own planet

teebob2000 February 21, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The planet thing is the only appealing aspect of it for me! Well, that and you get to post-mortem baptize Holocaust victims of course.

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Only if the planet didn't have any other people and had good 'net service.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

You forgot "if you're gay you might as well be dead; if you're female, your sole purpose is to be a cum-dumpster (you can only go to heaven if you're married to a man who has a Temple Recommend, and once you get there, you're permapreggers, churning out "spirit babies" so your man and his other two hundred permapreggers wives can "repopulate the planet" that he is the God of); and if you're transgender, you're *well and truly* fucked."

Biff February 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Pocahontas is his beard?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Except REALLY REALLY gay. Like Sherrif Paul's hot Latino lover.

James Michael Curley February 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm

OT: The Dancing Bears just applied Citizens United to state laws.

Mayors and County legislators have got to be cheaper then Congressman and Presidential candidates. Give me two!

teebob2000 February 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Hot Mormon squaw heap hot.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Perky!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Of course RMONEY has a rodeo at his mansion. He's gotta have SOME place to exercise that stable full of dressage horses, yaknow.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Both RMONEY Jr. and his wifey have that KrayKrayEyez look first perfected by Michele "MyHusbandIsSoFuckingGAY" Bachmann. Not a good sign.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Craig's not wearing his magic undies, will they yank his Temple Recommend? Or are the children of the rich allowed a different standard? Mormons? Is y'all's Magic Underwear outa style with the church now, or what?

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Needs moar alt.text!

mavenmaven February 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Needs a quick analyzation for reptilian implants.

Antispandex February 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Craig's wife has that, Marie Osmond meets The Stepford Wives look, that most of the Mormon ladies adopt after having sex and learning that they hate it.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

You would too if you had to go through a ceremony where a bunch of old men got to grab your boobs.

DahBoner February 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

HUBBA HUBBA!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Too late, they changed the ceremony. Can you believe it? Apparently, the wimminz were complaining about having to be all nekky in a big plastic poncho and having these guys "anoint" them.

WiscDad February 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm

She dressed as the wrong kind of Indian

Guppy February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's "Lamanite" in those parts.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Wut, she needs to be dot, not feather? Or a brave young Redskin male?

anniegetyerfun February 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Woah. Craig Romney is displaying some serious gay face. Is that a part of the costume?

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I'm not the only one getting a srs alarm from the gaydar!

Slim_Pickins February 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

At least its harmless insanity.

SpiderCrab February 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mitt today accused Obama of having a "secular agenda" with a corresponding loss of religious freedom. This is Mormon-speak for being anti-polygamy.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Once the Mormons sieze power, we gentiles are gonna rue the day. They've been planning this for 150 years. Payback is a bitch.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I think that was Poop Santorum. Is anybody even listening to Mittens any more?

Srs question: has any candidate for the Presidency *ever* been so universally despised by his own constituents?

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Insanely OT, but MrLimeylizzie is in LA and I may need some assistance….I am expecting delivery of a blu-ray player today and have to hook it up to my 8 yr.old flatscreen tv, has component outlets as does the tv, if I get confused is there a Wonketteer who can assist?

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Blue, green, red to blue, green, red? You can put it in-line with the cable, or run it into the TV on a seperate input, I would so be your rescuer, but alas, I am 2 hours drive away, dearest. The 8 year old TV probably has RCA video, analog video, and s-video, whereas a new blue-ray probably only has RCA and hdmi and the other new one.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

OH MY GOD, are you asking for help with the chiffarobe? Maybe 2 hours isn't too far. . . .

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Ha! OK it has arrived and I am baffled already, it came with a/v cables which are red/white/yellow , I purchased a set of component cables which are red/blue/green/ and red and white which I think are the two for the audio, non? When I unplugged my ancient dvd player it had a regular looking male to female cord between it and the cable box, so what do I do, oh Prommie????

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Yes, OK, the yellow is a single video and the red and white are audio, you know how it goes, the "male" plug goes into the "female" receptacle. he he. Does this make me a grip, now, or a gaffer?

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

It makes you more attractive , is what it does! I have no clue how to do this, there seems to be no equivalent for the line out between the old dvd player and the cable box.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm

You don't need to connect from the cable box to the blueray, unless you are going to record, if you have a compatible input on the TV, just connect the blueray to the TV, you just switch inputs to watch it. Simplest way.

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

What does “Switch inputs” mean, and keep it clean!

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm

OK, the blue ray is welcoming me and telling me to wait, the tv is all snow though.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Damn, dood, you're gonna give *EVUHbody* boners.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I wish I could help, but I've never had any experience with a Blu-Ray. Get Google+ and videoconference with anyone who can help you. They don't need to see your face, if you keep the camera focused on your tits, I guarantee every single male Wonketteer and probably quite a few of the females as well will be happy to, erm, assist.

slowhansolo February 21, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If nothing else, Rmoney takes a hell of a tan.

Guppy February 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

For all of Romney's faults, I have to give him some credit: none of his kids exhibit the thousand-yard stare that Clan Santorum is (in)famous for.

BlueStateLibel February 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm

So I see all the Romney men are big fans of Just for Men – Touch of Gray.

ChrisM2011 February 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Seriously, Mitt. Stop showing off your the rich man hose. Have you seen the hoses middle class is stuck with?

prommie February 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Its true, we have to cope with the thin, brittle, stiff, nasty hoses, look at that fucking thing, thats a firehose.

ChrisM2011 February 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

He must shop at "1% Lowes".

DahBoner February 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

What?

No shots of Romney in the Mexican Air Force dumping carcinogenic Paraquat on poor Mexican peasants????

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

ALT text option:

It puts the dog on the roof, or else it gets the hose again

lilblacktombo February 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm
blogmomme February 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Craig went dressed as "Jon Huntsman" for Halloween, not his dad!

fuflans February 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm

good lord. golf handicaps? parenting feuds? electronics advice?

wonkette?

ttommyunger February 22, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Coke will do that to your eyes.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm

True story:

After having my second Baconz jr. While pushing the stroller downtown, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen since High school he said "You hated kids. I never thought you'd 'want' kids in my life" I said "Well Baconzfriendfromhighschool, I don't 'want' to stub my toe or get speeding tickets but I still get those."

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Snip early and often. You can get a vasectomy or a tubal ligation these days. Easy-peazy, relatively inexpensive, and well worth the frozen bag of peas you'll be sitting on for a couple days. Fuck these breeders. They want EVERYONE to have kids because that traps a would-be individual for life.

Once you HAVE a kid, you don't have a choice any more about being employed or paying taxes or staying out of jail or espousing wild and wacky viewpoints. Everything has to center around the kid — which is as it should be. If you're not willing to live that way, you have no business HAVING a kid. So snip. You won't regret it.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Didn't they *have* vasectomy back in your day?

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Oh believe me, once I get health insurance a snipping is one of the first things I plan on getting with it. And I guess I'm luckily that every woman I've been involved with feels the same way about not wanting kids as I do.

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Um … having kids doesn't keep one from "espousing wild and wacky viewpoints" in any way, shape, or form. Just look at Lil' Ricky McFrothy.

And if a parent makes his/her ENTIRE existence about the kid, then they'll lose themselves in the process — which, believe it or not, isn't an actual requirement, nor even a good idea.

Yes, a majority of time is spent on the wee one, but one must be sure to have time for oneself and not just become "mommy" or "daddy."

Don't get me wrong — I agree that a large number of folks who have kids never should have, and would never encourage anyone to have one if they're not ready.

But people who don't have kids shouldn't be going off about what they require, either, as they have no clue about what it really takes/is like. (Not saying you have done any such thing; just sayin'.)

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

LIES!! I want millions and millions of little ginger babbys running around!

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You lucky dog! Back in my day, all the girls wanted babbiez as soon as they could have 'em. May you stay safely childfree throughout.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 3:40 pm

And didn't you say your natural hair color is a reddish brown? That could guarantee that we'd have an army of ginger babbys (well assuming they're not conceived by the pool boy).

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Ahahaha!!! My younger stepson was all, "I'm gonna have a dozen kidz!" back when he was, oh, ten or twelve, and, as my Dad might say, didn't have a single hair on his arse, let alone a girlfriend.

We signed him up to do volunteer duty at the local childcare center. He lasted two seasons, and then gracefully bowed out. To his credit, he was wonderful with the kids, and never gave them a minute's unhappiness (such a good kid, that boy). Also to his credit, he has since abandoned all thoughts of EVER having kids.

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I am going to take some pictures and post them so the mighty Wonketeriat can see what I am talking about!

prommie February 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm

It will work best if you hold the components right at chest level, for the photos.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm

During the Korean, uh, armed conflict, or what? Because that would make you my age or older.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:07 pm

So, MissTaken has a good-looking young non-ginger poolboy, is what you're saying, dood?

Ahem! Uh, MissTaken, darling? You doing anything this weekend? Howzabout a little party?

Wut? I could USE a pool boy! AND a pool!

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Oh I thought it would be better if I got naked, wrapped them around myself and smiled.

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm

OK, I found the input thing and i have picture but no sound.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

See what I mean, Lizzie?

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

1974-75. Was a guard at Panmunjom then MG gunner for an air cav unit when I got fed up with the bullshit (which a year later ended up in the tree-cutting incident) at the JSA.

I get that a lot, though, when I say I was in Korea. Lest we forget, we've got 28K stationed there right now.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I've had stepkids. The fact of the matter is, when you're childfree, if you have a headache or want to get puking drunk, nobody can stop you, as long as you're not actually doing anything criminal.

You try "having a headache" when your kid gets home from school hungry. I did my stint as a parent for a dozen years. It's not for me. And anybody who can worry about their headache more than their hungry kid has no fucking business having them. I'm much older than you, and I've seen all my friends and relatives and THEIR CHILDREN dealing with these issues.

A parent who cannot put their child's interests before their own has no fucking business having children. Yes, you have to have a life of your own and not lose it in the business of childrearing. But from the day your child is conceived until the day it, or you, are in a grave, you can never again "just let the phone ring" late at night without your heart constricting with worry. And don't tell me different.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Sorry, but I am a bit paranoid of the trolling crazies.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Ha ha, it doesn't mean "turn over." The TV usually has 2, 3, or 4 inputs, somewhere there is a menu that lets you choose which one. When you connect something like a blueray, you can connect to a different input, or you can run your cable into the blueray and back out again, so both cable and blueray go into the same input. When you do it the second way, usually, when the blueray is off, the cable signal will pass right through, but when you turn the blueray on, it will "pre-empt" the cable signal. I have put my email above, but not for long.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Not everyone who has kids is miserable ALL THE TIME, but there's plenty of research showing that children (havin' em and raisin' em) put a LOT of strain on a relationship, and DO make their parents VERY miserable, for at least a few years if not more. The early stage between birth and the first time they sleep through the night (especially if they're colicky, and crying) is always fun. Three days of sleep deprivation, and you're ready to kill the first person who looks at you wrong.

I didn't understand why sleep-deprivation was so effective as a torture technique until I had to deal with a colicky, crying infant. As a parent (even a step-parent or temporary guardian), you learn to sleep with one eye and one ear always on the alert. I didn't have a peaceful night's sleep until the kids were pretty much grown. (The fact that they were boys who were given to settling disputes with mighty nutkicks didn't help).

I don't know about you, but that makes ME miserable, and miserable people are not nice to be around. It reinforced my decision to be childfree. You can always walk away from your stepkids. You can't walk away from your own.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Do you have anything in a leopard print?

prommie February 21, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Progress! Brilliant!

prommie February 21, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I am so sorry to leave you frustrated and unfulfilled, Lizzie, but it seems too complicated to accomplish from afar.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Thanks, Steverino! It's already on my Netflix list.

Can I come whine to you after I watch it? You can smack me in the head and say "I told you so" if it makes you feel any better.

I think I read a book about that film a few years ago. It was pretty fucking weird, as I recall. Published by RE/Search.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Most of my friends who were in Korea are in their 70s and older today.

I haven't read much about the US in Korea, which I should. Currently reading about VietNam and the US conflict there, and also trying to get caught up with a buttload of Southeast Asian history, military, cultural, and political. This is my year to read Indian history and maybe get caught up with some recommendations from some fine Wonketteers, but I can see Korea needs to be on the list.

Any recommendations?

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 4:42 pm

ADDED: I wrote this after some issues at work, and it comes off way, way more snotty than I wanted it to. I won't edit it, as I don't want anyone to think I'm tossing it down the memory hole. Just wanted to note that it wasn't intended as personal as it reads — just a shot at the argument, not the arguer.

So let me get this straight:

You don’t want people lecturing you and others about how they should have kids, yet here you are lecturing me about how miserable how I should be as a parent?

ORLY?

Well, okay then. If we’re going around telling people what they should or should not do:

I have a 20-year-old in college and a 7-year-old who is autistic, has Tourette's, and an IQ off the charts. So please stop trying to act as if you know more than me about what being a parent is like, as I’m quite familiar with some of the most challenging aspects of it (including those late-night phone calls you reference).

Please stop trying to tell parents how they should act and/or feel, as no one (not even you) has a foolproof manual on the subject. We’re all winging it out here.

And please don’t act as if having kids is a life-destroying sentence for everyone. It’s not. It just was for you. That must have sucked, to be sure, but not everyone is destined to be as miserable as you were.

You might also want to check ages of those you reply to, as I also have friends with grandkids and am well aware of what those people are experiencing.

I would, however, like to thank you for not having any kids of your own. You obviously would have resented them for making your life so horrific, and no kid needs to go through that.

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I first saw it on cassette years ago. Found a copy of it in the library of tiny town where I was living. I had read about it but hadn't seen it. Holy shit. I'm surprised no one checked it out, became outraged by it, & demanded the whole county library system be shut down because of it. But, then again, maybe I was the only one who did check it out.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

You're on a list now.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Ha! Either that or your small town was a lot freakier than you thought. I will smile quietly tonight at the thought of the librarian who ordered that enjoying watching it.

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Not everyone who has kids is miserable ALL THE TIME, but there's plenty of research showing that children (havin' em and raisin' em) put a LOT of strain on a relationship,

Agreed.

and DO make their parents VERY miserable, for at least a few years if not more. The early stage between birth and the first time they sleep through the night (especially if they're colicky, and crying) is always fun. Three days of sleep deprivation, and you're ready to kill the first person who looks at you wrong.

Our son had a heart ticking away at 300 bpm for the first month of life, until we found the problem and got him on meds. So I totally understand — perhaps more than most parents, as he barely slept those first few weeks and we didn't know why. (On the bright side, Propranalol makes for an AMAZING baby. Just totally, absurdly chilled and quiet.)

But at the same time, it's not like any of that is a surprise to most. Sadly, most do not, in all likelihood, really take that into consideration.

I didn't understand why sleep-deprivation was so effective as a torture technique until I had to deal with a colicky, crying infant. As a parent (even a step-parent or temporary guardian), you learn to sleep with one eye and one ear always on the alert. I didn't have a peaceful night's sleep until the kids were pretty much grown. (The fact that they were boys who were given to settling disputes with mighty nutkicks didn't help).

Which is why The Mrs and I took turns getting up, alternating days on who did the feedings, etc. Far, far too many couples don't have that — the mom is usually saddled with that chore, which can most certainly lead to more strain.

If more husbands pitched in more often (which includes things like laundry, dishes, etc.), the whole process would be much easier for everyone involved.

I don't know about you, but that makes ME miserable, and miserable people are not nice to be around. It reinforced my decision to be childfree. You can always walk away from your stepkids. You can't walk away from your own.

Which is why I agree with you that parenting isn't for everyone. And that's okay!!! It really is. And I respect the hell out of you for being one of the few who admit it — far too many don't, and don't realize their mistake until it's too late.

My point, though, is that some people find constructive ways to deal with these things, ways to handle the frustrations and stress and uncertainty and whatnot. Not everyone is destined to be miserable, and many of us have no desire to walk away, thus being able to do so doesn't enter the equation.

Different strokes etc. etc. etc.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Thank YOU for proving my point.

YOU chose to spout off about something I said, and now you're getting your knickers in a pretty little wad and accusing *me* of lecturing you? I'll admit that I was annoyed with you, and let that show. And for that, I apologize, not because I give a shit how you feel about it, but because it was the wrong thing to do.

I would tell you to read what you just wrote, but if you could write it, obviously you are not capable of seeing its logical flaws, internal contradictions, and plain old ironies. Which is actually sort of sad.

In the interest of comity, let us just agree that we must disagree on this issue, and pass on. Nothing in life is worth getting *this* annoyed about.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Dear me. I see I have stuck my foot right in my mouth again, and tried to cram the other one in as well.

I'm sorry. I hadn't read this before firing off my latest missive. I do understand, now, what you're trying to say. I'm very sorry about your baby. I do know what that's like.

I'm glad parenting is for you. People like you are the ones who SHOULD be having children, because, obviously, you are willing to love and care for them. What I cannot bear, and I know you will agree with me on this, is the number of children who are abused and thrown away.

This is all just a silly misunderstanding, dood. I apologize if I hit your buttons. I didn't mean to. We're both really saying the same thing: If people feel like YOU about having children, they should have them. If people feel like ME about having children, they shouldn't. Ultimately, the goal is that every child should be very much wanted and loved.

Sometimes words just get in the way. Hug?

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Dots or feathers on the Indian history?

Not really sure about a good book on Korea. I've read the Army Green Series things which are good, but a heavy slog for most "outsiders" I would think since the book discusses the conflict for proto-colonels and historians. Try here: http://www.history.army.mil/html/bookshelves/coll

Let me think about it. When I get an answer, I'll post it as an aside in a future comment. There's a great online book store I can recommend, but don't have the URL at the moment.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Dots. The Feathers are scheduled for next year. I went to AZ with my sweetie and we bought enough books at the bookstores on the Rez to fill up the trunk of the car. I'm'a try to read 'em all next year if I don't expire from frustration first.

This year, it's the Dots.

Thank you kindly, dude. I've actually been reading quite a bit of military history (mostly WW II so far) and you're right, it's not exactly light reading matter. I shall hie me to that link forthwith.

UnholyMoses February 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

(((hug)))

Guess whenever I see the phrase "Fuck these breeders" yeah, it kinda strikes a nerve at first. :-)

Just took some time to realize that I'm not one of those breeders. Hell, I firmly believe there should be a test before one has kids, as most who have them shouldn't have.

Granted, I probably would've failed the test given the temper I had—which, strangely, has gotten much less severe; usually works the other way around—and my love good weed. Or bad weed. Just weed, I guess. But still …

I guess our son* is sooooooo different and generally dripping in awesome sauce. (Proof? I haz it — from nearly two years ago!) Maybe if he was "normal" (whatever the fuck that means) it'd be different.

**shrugs**

Anyhoo, we both agree that some folks shouldn't have kids, but do because society says they're supposed to. I'm glad as fuck that GenX and on have a different view of that, and that more and more realize that it just ain't for them. That's a good thing.

So continue the fight against encouraged childhood — I just kindly and politely ask that you not lump all of us breeders into one bucket.

And I'll do the same. :-)

(*The girl was had with Ms. Not And Never Was The Mrs Who Is Fucking Psycho And Would NOT Have Passed That Test.)

Limeylizzie February 21, 2012 at 5:31 pm

You were more than helpful, it is my lack of knowledge and skill that is to blame.

MittBorg February 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Wow, the admin script wouldn't let me say all the nice things I wanted to, but lots of hugs, dood. We're essentially saying the same thing, and the words just got in the way, is all. (Hugs you)

Steverino247 February 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

OK. Here's the link: http://www.hookedonhistory.com/

Tell them Steve sent you. It won't get you a discount, though. Tell them you're looking for some good histories about the Korean War and you'll be amazed.

MittBorg February 22, 2012 at 2:49 pm

You're a real pal, Steverino. Don't care about discounts. This house is knee deep in books, in fact the most expensive things in this house are the books, since the inhabitants don't care for much beyond what life gives in abundance for free.

I visited the other link, and look forward to some very enjoyable and educational reading. Again, thanks. (Hugs the Steverino in a totally not-gay way)

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