Indiana GOP Rep: Girl Scouts Are Bunch of Gay Communist Abortionists

  just another day in the indiana legislature

Girl Scouts honoring their gay communist abortionist leader.

Remember a few decades ago when conservative parents used to keep themselves awake at night worrying about the music of Judas Priest or Kiss shooting mind control rays full of Satanism into their children’s brains? Those would be today’s “center-left” voters. To be a true conservative American Jesus warrior these days, you must move past these obvious entrapments and master the skill of identifying the hidden agents of Lucifer that lurk among us. Take, for instance, that group of sixth-grade girls over there in the Girl Scout club. What are they doing over there, standing around with their vaginas attached to them and not yet pregnant? Well that should be obvious enough, but just in case, Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris will spell it out for you: they are communist lesbian witch-abortionists. Rep. Bob Morris is therefore unable to support his legislature’s resolution honoring the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts, so that he can still go to Heaven and stand next to Jesus and they can laugh together at all the little Girl Scouts burning in hell.

Here is part of his letter to the state legislature, today’s reminder that we should start imposing an IQ minimum for holding elected office:

Nonetheless, abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood instructional series and pamphlets are part of the core curriculum at GSA training seminars. Denver Auxiliary Bishop James D. Conley of Denver last year warned parents that “membership in the Girl Scouts could carry the danger of making their daughters more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda.”

A Girl Scouts of America training program last year used the Planned Parenthood sex education pamphlet “Happy, Healthy, and Hot.” The pamphlet instructs young girls not to think of sex as “just about vaginal or anal intercourse.” “There is no right or wrong way to have sex. Just have fun, explore and be yourself!” it states. Although individual Girl Scout troops are not forced to follow this curriculum, many do. Liberal progressive troop-leaders will indoctrinate the girls in their troop according to the principles of Planned Parenthood, making Bishop Conley’s warning true.

Many parents are abandoning the Girl Scouts because they promote homosexual lifestyles. In fact, the Girl Scouts education seminar girls are directed to study the example of role models. Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background – all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists. World Net Daily, in a May 2009 article, states that Girl Scout Troops are no longer allowed to pray or sing traditional Christmas Carols.

Boys who decide to claim a “transgender” or cross-dressing life-style are permitted to become a member of a Girl Scout troop, performing crafts with the girls and participate in overnight and camping activities – just like any real girl. The fact that the Honorary President of Girl Scouts of America is Michelle Obama, and the Obama’s [sic] are radically pro-abortion and vigorously support the agenda of Planned Parenthood, should give each of us reason to pause before our individual or collective endorsement of the organization.

We’re guessing with a reasonable degree of certainty that the “anal sex” part of that Planned Parenthood pamphlet (which is actually about promoting healthy sexual relationships for HIV-positive youth) is how the wingnuts stumbled onto it in a Google search in the first place. [Journal Gazette/AP]

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181 comments

  1. Antispandex

    I blame it on those damned delicious Thin Mints! In my day the Girl Scouts just placed them between their knees…

    (Amended)

    1. mrpuma2u

      Even worse, they are going to teach young girls to THINK FOR THEMSELVES! This is contrary to everthing gawd wants. Gawd didn't give them a brain so they could actually USE it. They might start reading BOOKS that aren't the bible.

  2. memzilla

    Imminently Breaking: Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris' Canadian rentboy tweets to Politico in 7… 6… 5…

    #unguardedborder

  3. Texan_Bulldog

    My 9-year old hadn't had enough abortions so I had to pull her out of Girl Scouts this year….oh, and because of all the bitchy/lazy moms & trying to keep up with all that damn cookie money. Also. Too.

  4. Callyson

    A Girl Scouts of America training program last year used the Planned Parenthood sex education pamphlet “Happy, Healthy, and Hot.”
    Dammit, first I find I missed out on all the sexual energy that the frothy mix has discovered in churches, now I hear that the Girl Scouts were doing much more interesting things than going on camping trips?
    Shit, I want my childhood back…

  5. mavenmaven

    If World Net Daily can now be considered a site for legitimate information, Wonkette should be mandated reading for all elected officials.

  6. ph7

    Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background – all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists

    Something tells me that a guy who reviews a list of GS role models and sorts them as feminist! lesbian! communist! runs through that same filter with every woman he meets.

    I am glad he found three on the list he deemed fuckable, however.

  7. hollywooddood

    First, teachers, bus drivers and janitors bankrupted the economy and now this? God, kill me now.

  8. slithytoves

    “There is no right or wrong way to have sex. Just have fun, explore and be yourself!”

    Damn! I had to settle for getting a badge on "Setting a dinner table properly." Now I wish I could have gotten a badge on masturbation – with a little rabbit dildo on it.

    It's clear one is more useful than the other.

        1. chicken_thief

          Harley nearly ruined it by rubber mounting the engines to reduce vibration – you gotta go old school, ladies.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      If you have a lot of bleeding or recriminations, I'd guess that's probably the wrong way, but different strokes …

  9. BarackMyWorld

    A Girl Scouts of America training program last year used the Planned Parenthood sex education pamphlet “Happy, Healthy, and Hot.”

    I think that was actually a cook book.

  10. HarryButtle

    I don't care what anybody says, if I had to negotiate with Cthulu himself to get me some Thin Mints, I'd do it. If this fuckstick destroys the Girl Scouts and thereby deprives me of those cookies, there will be Hell to pay.

  11. mormos

    have these people always been this stupid and we just didn't know it because of no internet, or has there been a serious influx in the amount of stupid?

    Also: "I used to be a boyscout, and a brownie, until some bitch got scared!"
    -Angel in RENT

    1. philpjfry

      I asked myself the same question. I hope the flood of stupid is something new. But I am afraid it has always been here. God, how did we ever learn to make tools?

      1. OneDollarJuana

        I was one of two Episcopalians in a Mormon Boy Scout troop. As non-Mormons, we didn't have to participate in a fast day when it coincided with a campout. Sure was funny to watch the other boys suffer and eat toothpaste just to get something in their stomachs.

        It was a good troop, though, until the ward split and we got a new, lousy scoutmaster.

  12. CountryClubJihadi

    Now I know why they now have a "Global Action" Patch. All I got was a patch for helping Vietnamese Boat People and a bad case of strep throat after visiting Juliette Lowe's House.

  13. UnholyMoses

    I did some research, too, and discovered that Indiana state Rep. Morris is a fuckwad of epic proportions who has hot anal sex with Canadian rent boys.

    I read it on the Internet, so it has to be true!

    1. bureaucrap

      As a commenter on this story on the TPM website suggested, the sentence "I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing" should be a new meme for Wonketteers and other like-minded cynics, snarkers and fellow curmudgeons.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Yes. That falls in the category of "I was a journalism major in college so I have every reason to believe my research is accurate" and "I have been using Photoshop professionally since 1993."

  14. SorosBot

    Next thing you know, those radical feminists in the Girl Scouts will get those girls thinking that they're full human beings with equal rights to those of men instead of just a baby-making and housework-performing machine whose only purpose is to service their man.

  15. Baconzgood

    “There is no right or wrong way to have sex."

    FYI this is wrong

    P.S. don't ever stick your dick in a weed wacker.

    1. EatFrankRich

      Don't masturbate using Tiger Balm. It doesn't wash off and (I hear) it burns like a Girl Scout in hell.

  16. UnholyMoses

    The peanut butter sandwich cookies are where it's at, people.

    Well, unless you're allergic to peanuts. Then, yeah, thin mints are the better choice.

  17. WiscDad

    OMFG! "quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood"? Really???REALLY??? Trust me, there's a tactical arm in America that the pols really need to worry about….it's called the electorate.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Ever notice how they try to make organizations like ACORN or Planned Parenthood sound like a terrorist organization?

      1. widestanceromance

        The love child between E. Munster and that Romney kid with the Magic Speedos from a post or so ago.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    No Snark: The Girl Scouts really screwed up all four of my daughters. The oldest was a 14 year old goof; she's now the Editor in Chief of an ACC college newspaper. The second is an award-winning engineer at a certain ACC engineering school. The youngest were encouraged by the Brownies to be athletic and work hard, so they were Black Belts in Tae Kwon Do by middle school. All were indoctrinated to be strong, thoughtful, and articulate members of society. They kick ass and take names. No wonder the GOP is so worried.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Really no snark: Thanks also to your undoubtedly excellent parenting.

      Snark on: Obviously part of the liberal agenda.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I am so sorry. Do you think maybe you could adopt some from another country and make sure that they are pregnant and married by 17, as a part of the American dream?

  19. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    World Net Daily, in a May 2009 article, states that Girl Scout Troops are no longer allowed to pray or sing traditional Christmas Carols.

    With a source like that, how can he be wrong?

  20. Baconzgood

    You want to talk about indoctrination? *Baconz puts his arm around Bob Morris* Let us discuss home schooling.

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, let' s face it, can you show me a women who after eating a pack of Do-Si-Does doesn't want to go muff diving?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      What's with the TagaLONG. I always thought they were called Tagalog and they were the Ethnic/Communist cookies Rep. Morris was warning us about. I mean, seriously, aren't Samoas bad enough.

  22. poorgradstudent

    I knew they'd get the wrong idea when the Girl Scouts partnered with Planned Parenthood to release those special edition Embryo Cookies.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      The higher protein content makes them better for diabetics, though, who have to watch their carb intake.

  23. FakaktaSouth

    I was a proud Brownie – and it probably IS part of why I am happy, healthy and hot – this fucker can eat me.

  24. Antispandex

    Also. I know we like to focus on the secks stuff (because this is, after all, Wonkette), but there may be another reason the Girl Scouts are evil and Un-American. It appears that they let girls join who are not, well, let's be direct here, white. Can anything be more offensive to a Teapublican? Is ANYONE checking their immigration status before they are allowed in? Are Muslins allowed to join? I'm just saying there could be more here.

    1. EatFrankRich

      Don't forget that high-school age girl scouts get to serve as advisors on the United Nations commissions on the rights of women and girls. That enrages them, too.

  25. Eve8Apples

    What must a Girl Scout do to earn a "Happy, Healthy, and Hot" badge?

    I want to know so I can earn the badge and update my resume.

  26. freakishlywrong

    I was drummed out of the GSA for lighting matches unsupervised at camp. That must make me a conservative hero who was just exercising my freedums.

    1. fuflans

      no! i was too!! really! swear to god i was just going to post my story!

      (only thing is, i started a little fire..)

  27. philpjfry

    Next thing you know they will want to bomb neighborhoods that have planned parrent hood clinics. Just because they can't be too carefull

  28. JustPixelz

    It's almost time for Girl Scout cookies which means it is also time to get my Intolerance badge by checking the right-wing ravings about how those scouts are corrupting American girls.

    Let's start with "100 Questions For the Girl Scouts". All the questions are about Planned Parenthood, lesbians and sex. Except #111 (which incidentally reminds us that some people didn't get the Counting badge):

    In [their] quest to "transform" the Girl Scouts and make them "relevant," has it abandoned some of the very principles that made the Girl Scouts a great organization that parents can trust?

    The answer is "yes". Because the Sewing badge does not help on a job application the way it used to.

    Then there is "The Girl Scouts: Just One Big Lesbian Recruitment Camp" over on "The Stir" at CafeMom (We all know if the Girl Scouts were serious about lesbian recruitment, they'd come out with a Brownie cookie.) This features "10 Signs the Girl Scouts Are Pushing a Scary Feminist, Lesbian, Pro-Choice Agenda". There are actually ten bullet points, but #9 doesn't sound that pushy or scary or feminist or anything. "Girl Scout camp? Hmm. What exactly are they doing at those so-called "camps" anyway?" That sounds more like the beginning of a Jerry Seinfeld riff with Jerry continuing, perhaps: "I was a girl scout. I scouted for girls all the time. If I knew they had a camp, I'd have worked harder for that wilderness skills badge." [pause for laughter]

    One of those recruitment camps is probably Camp Juliette Low in Georgia. Juliette Low founded the Girl Scouts in 1912 because the Boy Scouts were too busy not being homosexuals or something. In one of her typical anti-American rants, Mrs Low said:

    We must accept the fact that transport and communications will bring the world in close relations and the youth of the world should have standards and ideals in common.

    She said that before Twitter made us think in 140 character tweets.

    She also said the more tweet-friendly:

    The work of today is the history of tomorrow, and we are its makers.

    So you can see why they hate her. "… we are its homemakers." is the correct, Xtian version.

    Fun fact about Juliette Low: She was deaf as an adult. Chronic ear infections as a child made one ear deaf. A grain of rice thrown at her wedding lodged in her other ear, which was punctured by the procedure to remove it. Perhaps that explains the lesbian recruitment.

    1. starfanglednut

      A grain of rice at her wedding?! Hahahaahhahahah, that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. If masturbation makes you go blind, does it follow that marriage makes you deaf?

  29. chicken_thief

    "I did a small amount of web-based research, and what I found is disturbing,” Morris wrote in his letter,…"

    Happens to me all the time, too. But disturbing, in a good way…

  30. Guppy

    "The pamphlet instructs young girls not to think of sex as “just about vaginal or anal intercourse.” “There is no right or wrong way to have sex. Just have fun, explore and be yourself!”"

    1.) Jesus hates foreplay.

    "Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background – all the rest are feminists(.)"

    2.) Jesus hates feminists.

    "Boys who decide to claim a “transgender”"

    3.) Jesus hates Genesis 1:27.

    Did I miss anything?

    1. north_of_moscow

      Yeah, Morris says his daughters are going to join the Little Flowers, where you can guarantee they won't learn about theirs.

  31. DaRooster

    "Denver Auxiliary Bishop James D. Conley of Denver…"

    But… where is he from?
    And does he live under the airport?

    1. Nothingisamiss

      A waste of thin mints. May I suggest the wrapping paper that my coworker's kids sell at 10 x the normal price?

  32. Jukesgrrl

    "A graduate of the Indiana University (Bloomington), Rep. Morris has spent the last twelve years founding four entrepreneurial ventures, including a chain of successful retail stores known as Healthkick Nutrition Centers."

    Whoa, I think I've found a date for Congressman Paul Ryan!

  33. jus_wonderin

    "…and they can laugh together at all the little Girl Scouts burning in hell."

    Wait, Girl Scouts or Brownies? Oh, I guess either, as they would be charred like when my Mom makes broiled pork chops.

  34. thefrontpage

    CPAC really screwed up by not having this doofus wingnut speak for an hour at their recent horrorshow freakfest gathering.

  35. C_R_Eature

    Kirsten:

    When may we expect delivery of our Sampler bags of Drugs, Alcohol and Chocolate-Covered Dildos?

    Sincerely yours,

    The Wonkette 2000 Comment Post Development Team.

  36. starfanglednut

    I intend to send money specifically to the troop in Michigan (I think), that allowed the trans child to join GS. I have a number of trans friends, who have been through fucking hell and back, for the simple right to be themselves. GSA rocks.

  37. LadyWisdom

    Okay, new rule. Let's not get ourselves in a vapor about what individual state legislators say or do. There are a number of crazy people in our state legislatures because they have drawn up districts filled with voters who are their kind of crazy.

    They are only worrisome when they act crazy collectively and that should still be reported extensively. Our state legislatures are "the laboratories of democracy." What they cook up will be at the federal level next if crazy catches on.

    This is a big election year. People are doing politics because it's the major leagues. But if we don't start paying attention to all those state and county elections in the off years, we're going to keep living with crazy at the state level and eventually, beyond.

  38. MiniMencken

    There is no "right way" or "wrong way" to exterminate class enemies, just as long as you do it. Uncle Joe taught me that and I'm passing it on to the Girl Scouts, the vanguard of the revolutionary vagina-American cadres! Plus, I really like the shortbread cookies!

  39. babynotfetus

    Rock on Bob Morris! Good for you for having morals! We shouldn't support any corporation that has anything to do with Planned Parenthood. I thought Girl Scouts was supposed to help build leaders not help murder them?! Sex is a wonderful thing between a man and a woman and should be enjoyed and I will talk to my children about it, not some liberal freaks with no conscience or morals!!!

Comments are closed.