UHHH 11:29 am February 21, 2012

Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina

Local authorities in the exurban slush slum of Wasilla, Alaska, have taken direct action to stop a large, weird vagina from getting any additional media attention. The Mat-Su Frontiersman (?) reports:

For Wasilla High School Principal Amy Spargo, she said she doesn’t view her decision to cover the sculpture as censorship. After receiving complaints from students and parents, she decided to revisit the issue of whether the art is best suited for display at a high school. Also, she said she is worried that vandals might damage the artwork.
“The hubbub started since the piece got delivered,” she said. “There was quite an outcry from parents who were hearing what kids were saying (about the sculpture). My concern was the piece would be damaged. Clearly, we needed to do some education.”

Wasilla schools will now begin a rigorous education program to teach its residents what a vagina is, the end. [Mat-Su Frontiersman via everybody]

128 comments

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{ 128 comments }

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 11:30 am

"Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina"
They finally got Palin to shut up?

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

They threatened her with a sonogram

Oblios_Cap February 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Or maybe one of those trans-vaginal probes?

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm: Or gave her an aspirin for her knee problem

Barb February 21, 2012 at 11:30 am

Leave Bristol alone! Her giant walk-in vagina is off limits. At least until the chlamydia clears up.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:08 pm: Fuck! Now I have to get my spare suits out of there! Well, at least the rack rolls.

nounverb911 February 21, 2012 at 11:32 am

That eliminates Georgia O'Keefe.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm: As if they had any such art in the joint.

Beetagger February 21, 2012 at 11:33 am

I'm surprised they used the "V" word. Every time I hear about someone from Wasilla, they're always referred to as a cunt.

OkieDokieDog February 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

Yep, it looks like a giant vagina with a hand inside it. It also looks appropriate considering all the GOP/Teabaggie/Xtian Zealots with their hands rammed up all the vaginas in America.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It also looks like every tree trunk in Alaska that has a scar from a broken-off branch.
These dumbfucks have got a lot of wrapping to do.

bagofmice February 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I have two words for you: "Diamond Willow".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond_willow

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Once Santorum and his crowd take over, pictures of trees will be all of the porn we'll be able to get.

CthuNHu February 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm

got wood?

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm: That's what we'll need.—

emmelemm February 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

WHOA!!!

Nature is weird.

Barb February 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

They should display this piece in the senior class lounge, where it will be seen by no one.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

You give such good Palin snark!

Barb February 21, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Thanks, Captain, my Captain!

NorthStarSpanx February 23, 2012 at 12:22 pm: Seriously. Willow is graduating a year early (skipping Senior year) to. . .get this, go to hair school. At least Bristol inspires in ways that doesn't just deliver a baby.

ttommyunger February 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

Palin? Vagina? Giant? I don't know about all that, but I hear it's as big as a horse-collar and exudes about the same aroma.

donner_froh February 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

As if there is anything that doesn't make male high school students think of a vagina.

VaWyo February 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

If that vagina was in Virginia it would have to have a transvaginal ultra sound.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

Have any of the censorship-happy meth-heads ever seen a a real vagina? Because that really doesn't look all that much like one.

Barb February 21, 2012 at 11:38 am

I dunno, how bright is the lighting behind the Taco Bell dumpster? It's date night in Wasilla!

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 11:52 am

And they're high on meth and wine coolers at the time; no wonder the boys don't really know what they look like.

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm: I am sure it is offered up some readily that the boys don't even have to identify it.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

"Clearly, we needed to do some education."

Clearly.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

Lesson 1: how to find the clitoris. This should make Wasilla's teenage girls much happier.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Dude, that means dropping the gloves!

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I think that's what the hand is trying to find. Not surprisingly it's about 2 ft too low.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm: That's why they really need the lessons, and those poor girls get knocked up without ever getting truly fulfilled.

trampndirtdown February 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm

If Mullah Frothy gets his way no one will see a vagina again.

Blueb4sunrise February 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

already an open hand in there.

edit: as ODD said above.

OkieDokieDog February 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm: ha! ODD – I didn't think about that when I made up the name but noticed it about 2 days later and realized that yes, I am rather ODD.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

That ain't no vajaja – no taint or asshole in sight.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

Do not, I repeat, do not send a bouquet of orchids to the residents of Wasilla.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 11:55 am

Nor should they erect a version of this building.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Heh heh – you said "erect"!!!

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm: The best part? That building was originally the Smurfit-Stone building, but after a merger became the Stone Container building.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Ouch!!
(You know, I've driven by that building a thousand times and never saw an angular snatch up there.)

SayItWithWookies February 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

“People need to slow down,” Dault said about the brouhaha. “It’s a sculpture. It needs to be experienced up close, personally, because it is in three dimensions.”

That's right, people — don't just jump on the thing. It needs to be caressed, teased, tingled, explored, examined, lovingly fondled and played with. The sculpture too.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 11:47 am

Keep going, but slower this time.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And try something new with your tongue, too. That "do the alphabet" thing is too obvious. (Or at least try Arabic maybe.)

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm: Roy Orbison got laid regularly on the strength of his tongue roll in Pretty Woman: True fact!
LagunaB February 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm: Turkish.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Don't forget to buy it dinner first.

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

We're gonna need more batteries.

edgydrifter February 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

Which of the Palins posed for this sculpture?

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm: Well, the biggest pussy of the fam seems to be Tawd, so I'm going with that one.

JoeHoya February 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

And let's cover the Washington monument while we're at it, lest some people be offended by the sight of what could be interpreted as a giant penis.

widestanceromance February 21, 2012 at 11:54 am: Albeit, a sad one, all thick at the bottom and narrowing to a tiny tip.
HateMachine February 21, 2012 at 12:31 pm: "…lest some people be made to feel inadequate by the sight of what could be interpreted as a giant penis."

Fixed!
MadBrahms February 21, 2012 at 10:39 pm: The one in Baltimore is even better, as it looks like George is being ejaculated out if it's head.

donner_froh February 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

There is a comment from a person who is "Dumb Founded" by it all:

This is a WASTE of $100,000!!! Are you kidding me? What is worse is how much it looks like a "vagina". I am not some "teenager" either but it is what it is, and for those that think that is what kids will think LOOK AT WHERE IT IS GOING, IN FRONT OF HIGH SCHOOL WITH A 1000 KIDS IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you expect, I'm still Dumb Founded by the $100K Stupid!

freakishlywrong February 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

Has a low self of steam, obvs.

SayItWithWookies February 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Well, he's half right.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

Well I THINK that this "person" is a "moron" who NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO TYPE PROPERLY and use "quotation marks" in the Right Way when KIDS CAN READ THEIR DRIVEL!!!!!!!!!!

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm: Listen, at least he didn't spell it "WAIST"
Biff February 21, 2012 at 7:51 pm: Don't make me post a link to the picture that appeared when I googled snatchsquatch!

HateMachine February 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I like that he/she put "vagina" in scare quotes, as if it's some sort of cryptid.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm

With teeth

bagofmice February 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Nine Inch Nail'd!

HateMachine February 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

We've all heard the legends of the Vagina, wild tales told around the fire by grizzled old woodsmen. Wasillan mothers warn their young sons that if they don't behave, one night the Vagina will swallow them up.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm: Sasquatch Isreal? Sassnatch, aka BigBush, Isreal?

Dashboard Shmoo February 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Hmmm…the moran is strong in this one.

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

Based on the picture of that sculpture I think it was misnamed "Warrior Within". Perhaps "Genital Warts Within" would be more fitting.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm: Or possibly "Small Hand, or Giant Snatch?" ?
SoBeach February 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm: I thought it looked more like "Golf Ball Within".

SexySmurf February 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

All of them, Katie!

(Ha, ha. Beat you all to it.)

EatsBabyDingos February 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

That is art? I've had more interesting bowel movements after Cabbage Burrito night.

chascates February 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

The new school mascot: the Wasilla Twats.

chicken_thief February 21, 2012 at 12:16 pm: New school song?….

A queefing we will go
a queefing we will go,
hi ho the merry oh
a queefing we will go!!!

edgydrifter February 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

It's a visual metaphor for America. Ever since Bible Spice came on the scene, the whole damned country has been struggling to get into or out of her panty rift. The thing's like a portal to the plane of grifting.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 11:55 am

Speaking from a city where one can go downtown, stand under Marilyn Monroe's dress and see London and France, Wasilla should just roll with it and change their name to "Vasilla".
http://www.awesomeimages.net/marilyn-monroe-statu…

occams8ball February 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Isn't that Rudy Giulianni ?

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 5:00 pm: NO!! The idea is to attract tourists, not frighten them to death with a 50-ft. taint!!

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

"Clearly, we needed to do some education.”

That discovery is what, twenty years too late?

James Michael Curley February 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

Alaska high school students think that looks like a vagina? It looks like a poorly done box stitch on a tight skirt that started to split.

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Okay, it has been awhile. Is that what they look like now-a-days????????

HistoriCat February 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Clearly, we needed to do some education.

Why start now, Wasilla High? It sounds like you've been putting off educating students for years.

Baconzgood February 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm

This is bad news for Maude Lebowski.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm

*cough* Coitus?

slowhansolo February 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

You're a good man. And thorough.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm: And I hate the fucking Eagles, too.

But, unlike our Arizona Sheriff, I don't know what happens when you fuck a man in the ass.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hey, I saw this episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond"!

Oblios_Cap February 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm: That was my second thought when I read this. My first was the same as the first commenter's.

And how do I get this page to stop scrolling up!??!

Guppy February 21, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Only a teenager would get turned on by a Venn diagram.

Actually, that explains a lot about the internet…

MissTaken February 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I already know what a Brazilian wax looks like but I really could've gone my whole life without knowing what a Wasillan wax looks like.

Bezoar February 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

It should be titled "Where golf balls come from".

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm

So, when the correct hand is placed on that, the portal opens?

jus_wonderin February 21, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Careful S247, it could snap shut as well.

Steverino247 February 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm: Reminds me of the young lady who went fishing with ten guys. Came back with a red snapper.

MinAgain February 21, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I would not have looked at that sculpture and thought "vagina", but I also would not have looked at that sculpture and thought "art".

el_donaldo February 21, 2012 at 12:18 pm

They should be grateful for the scandal. You pay $100,000 for a huge piece of crap, you expect to get something out of it.

Next time just get the money in cash and burn it out front in a fire-pit. Much easier.

prommie February 21, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Now Wassilla will be famous for being the home of two giant cunts!

Callyson February 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The oblong shields, one made of aluminum and another of bronze, are emblazoned with warrior symbolism, the artists say in a description of their project.
“Emerging from the powerful stone form are two warrior shields encircled by glowing feathers,” the description says, adding the art is a monument to the warrior spirit. “The bronze shield has a hand impression showing ‘good deeds.’ The aluminum shield has a flame symbol representing the ‘spark of inspiration.’ The stone form represents the strong material from which a warrior is made.”
Well, of course they thought it was a vagina–what else could it be?
Nice to start the day on Wonkette with a good laugh, as opposed to the fury, disgust, and depression that 2012's political news has made me feel so far…

DaRooster February 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"My concern was the piece would be damaged. "

You think that piece is gonna be damaged… elect more Repugnants and see what happens to all women's pieces.

tihond February 21, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Though the residents of Wasilla referred to it as "gigantic," when asked to comment, Glenn Rice said it was "just right."

Biff February 21, 2012 at 8:08 pm: Which explains who modelled for it.

SorosBot February 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Really, is there any shape that your average teenager is not going to think looks like a dick, a pussy or boobs?

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:58 pm: Who are you calling a teenager?!
HateMachine February 21, 2012 at 1:05 pm: Can we amend that to "teenage or older"?

BarackMyWorld February 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm

That resembles a vagina about as much as their most famous resident resembles a serious political thinker.

tihond February 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Don't miss this Vagina's performance in Wasilla Community Theater's "The Me Monologues."

Loaded_Pants February 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm: Written by Sarah Palin.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Once the kids discover how easy it is to get these godbothering prudes all panty-twisted, they're gonna have a lot of fun looking around for more stuff to point at, just to see if the idiots can be made to haul out the tarps again and again. Then they can start in on the pastry counter and the seafood shop.

bagofmice February 21, 2012 at 12:42 pm

It's educational. Now we know where the hand goes.

Biff February 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm: I'd have expected a fist.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

If Sarah would just keep an aspirin pressed tightly between her lips, we would be free of the national plague of her voice and illiteracy. Two aspirin bottles in her hands would keep her from twatting, also.

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

That needs to be the new art on the back of every dollar bill.

Oblios_Cap February 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Will nobody help that poor little man get outta that sinking boat?

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

This reminds me of that one indie band from the '90s, the Vulva Boatmen.

actor212 February 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm: VULGAR BOATMEN LIBEL!

Chet Kincaid February 21, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I hear they eat a lot of clams in Alaska, but they also catch a lot of crabs.

What?!
http://alaskaoutdoorjournal.com/Activities/Clam/c…
http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/deadliest-catch/

Biff February 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm: Deadliest Snatch libel!

Devilette February 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I thought it looked like a dead fish flowing with the current, in honor of Sarah the barracuda.

superdave February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I think the parents of Wasilla are doing a very poor job of raising their children with the proper values. If they were doing a good job, their children would have no idea what a vagina was or what it looked like. Even the girls would be taught never to look upon or even acknowledge the existence of their dirty, dirty, nether regions.

gullywompr February 21, 2012 at 2:52 pm