Favored pick “Iran” won this season’s Gallup poll for “America’s Top Enemy” by its highest-ever margin, wow! A full third of Americans picked Iran as their most dreaded bogeyman this year (up from a quarter last year) for, eh, some sort of reason. Perhaps a follow-up “why” question might have been interesting or informative here, pollsters? Nope. Gallup cheated and filled in the essay section on its own without Americans’ help, as may be noted from the conspicuous lack of JEE-HAD and TERRORIZM mentions in their concluding analysis to explain Iran’s ongoing dominance in this award category: “Iran’s continued public announcements of its growing nuclear capabilities, its threats of war with U.S. ally Israel, and the possibility that Iran could disrupt the flow of oil out of the Middle East and further affect domestic oil and gas prices no doubt all contribute to Americans’ negative views of the country.” Hm. Well to be fair, by this logic that we ought to freak out over the country that’s doing the best job of constantly threatening new wars and buying scary new weapons and driving up oil prices, the nation that Americans should really fear most is, ha ha, their own. So what percentage of Americans managed to arrive at this conclusion? (HINT: the headline gives it away.)
There it is, down there at the bottom, mysteriously tied with, uh, Japan:
(Are you really allowed to name China as your “top enemy” when the cell phone you used to take the pollster’s call was built there?)
Anyhow, the important thing to remember here at all times is that it is ALL IRAN’S FAULT, GRRR that all the gas prices are so high these days, via Bloomberg:
Strangely, the current run-up in prices comes despite sinking demand in the U.S. “Petrol demand is as low as it’s been since April 1997,” says Tom Kloza, chief oil analyst for the Oil Price Information Service. “People are properly puzzled by the fact that we’re using less gas than we have in years, yet we’re paying more.”
Kloza believes much of the increase is due to speculative money that’s flowed into gasoline futures contracts since the beginning of the year, mostly from hedge funds and large money managers. “We’ve seen about $11 billion of speculative money come in on the long side of gas futures,” he says. “Each of the last three weeks we’ve seen a record net long position being taken.”
Yeah. [Gallup/Bloomberg]
{ 413 comments }
Snooki?
My guess was Dana Loesch, but that would be unfair to sandwich-boards-as-computers, who are also enemas of the state.
"We have met the enemy and he is us."
Pogo might suggest we put USA at the top.
USA USA USA
It feels better and safer already.
The fact that no one said Reptilians is a sign that "They" have already won.
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
too soon?
That's exactly what a Reptilian sleeper agent would say…
Reptilian sleeper agent libel!
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD??!?!?!!?!!111
http://xkcd.com/1013/
Confederate States of America? A former country, but definitely still our biggest problem.
Thank god for pellagra!
The CSA was not a country. It was a confederation of states in rebellion against the Federal Government of the United States of America. No foreign government recognized then as a country.
With good reason.
A little snark, s'il vous plaît.
"… in rebellion against the Federal Government…"
Today they call themselves "The Tea Party".
Today Repubicans call #OWS "class warfare".
Today we call that "treason".
Plus, they should have known better than to fuck with Abe "Vampire Killer" Lincoln.
(Who writes this shit?)
Bolton's mustache is pretty scary just by itself.
I can't explain the reason for it in any way but his mustache always enrages me.
It reclines there on his lip, mocking you, enticing your fist to obliterate it. No amount of punching will ever destroy me, it calls. That may be true, you reply, but I'm still going to try my damnedest.
If only each of the sides of it were long enough to tie together! Gah!
A cranky old guy whose name escapes me at the moment has (or used to have) his own website where he ranted about politics. He customarily referred to John Bolton as "mustache on his ass", which never failed to make me laugh.
The Mustache of Insanity.
A mustache no woman wants to ride.
Ha ha ha!
*Urgh*
The Mustache Of Insanity and The Mustache Of Understanding need to have a Sunday morning show together, sponsored by AstraZeneca's portfolio of high blood pressure medications.
That's John Bolton? I thought Dr. Bunsen Honeydew grew a mustache.
Damn shame Bolton didn't have his turn in the GOP primary barrel.
Even without him, this primary season has been more fun than a barrel of
Boltonsmonkeys.I was thinking a turn out hunting with Cheney.
He did. Bolton is President-elect Gingrich's choice to head the Department of State, though he may have already backed out. I picture him in Condi's black boots.
Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Exxon, and G.E.
(The U.S. is merely a joint venture of the aforementioned.)
P.S. Furthermore. (Screencap from the weekend thread.)
~
Hey, that's right!
PAY UP, KIRSTEN!!
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Jimmy Buffett libel!
I'm now the single old guy down the road who used to dress his chihuahuas in little outfits & take them for walks?
When I was a kid there was a guy on my street who used to sit in his car parked in the driveway every evening reading the newspaper until it got too dark for him to see. I think of that guy often. I get him now.
North Korea, South Korea, eh… whatever, both. They're all Muslims, right?
No, the line is "Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe"
I thought it was, "You're always Abe Froman to me".
Actually, everyone who said South Korea is obviously a Starcraft nerd, but the pollsters decided to lump them together to inflate the numbers.
Or Sarah Palin, who wants to protect our North Korean allies.
Notice how the country we are actively and publicly fighting in (Afghanistan), didn't even make the top three on the list?
What up with that? For $687 billion we should expect more.
To be fair, we're at war with a stateless group in the frontiers of Afghanistan, not nation of Afghanistan per se. And have been for 8 years now. It's almost as though that's the sort of war we suck at.
Iran spent $7 billion on defense in 2010. The US spent $687 billion. BE AFRAID.
By China maybe they meant Eastasia? Or maybe it's Eurasia right now.
We have always been at war with Eastasia.
We have always been at war with Eurasia.
We have always been at war with Oceana.
Euthanasia is the worst enemy, actually.
Santorum says the Netherlands are our worst enemy! http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/301702/20120220/r…
The evil Nether Regions are the worst!
Yes, because they are so exciting & excitable.
Especially the ones that belong to women!
We have always been at war with Uranus.
(I am not one to leave obvious +p lying around!)
Headline: Majority of Americans identify top enemy as that whore Brenda in accounts receivable
That cunt!
Only because she wouldn't do me, even when it was my turn.
I've seem to have worked at places that had other employees named "That Asshole" & "That Bitch."
I assume you never worked in the Bush White House, where all the other employees were named* "That Asshole" or "That Bitch".
*and rightfully so
Speaking of which, where is Dana Perino these days? MMMMMM now SHE was one hot ice princess of a bitch.
ah, there she is…and sorta on-topic even….rrrraooooo….
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/dana-perino-gripes-tha…
Jason, is that you? How is the bitch? So glad I don't work there anymore. I heard the Asshole retired last year.
Brenda??
That BITCH!!
I worked with her at the Gift Wrap counter for the Christmas rush, and she was always ripping my paper!
She told me she meant to do it.
That bitch.
"Ripping your paper"? When you say it that way, it sounds kinda….. hot..
Herbert Kornfeld may be dead, but that is no reason to go slandering the Accountzz Receevable Brotherhood.
Instead, take aim at that old ass geezer Myron Schabe. You know that hater has some worthless tricks under him in Accountzz Payabo.
The number one threat in America is BEARS! I saw it on TeeVee. Oh, and moose. You have to shoot them from helicopters. Also.
DAMN YOU, Sarah Palin!!!!
Bryan Fischer is that you?
It sure isn't Mike Ditka.
I heard it was gay bears.
Those are the best kind.
And with all these women around, the threat increases because the bears can smell the menstruation. We're putting the entire nation at risk!
A moose once bit my sister. No realli!
Mind you, møøse bites can be rather nastï.
Mooses' noses wiped by Bjorn Irkestom-Slater Walker.
"Watch out for those sneaky Japs." – The Other 1%
Someone's got a shitty used Honda and found their chance to get even.
Well! Looks like somebody forgot to short their TEPCO stock, eh?
Did anyone ever figure out what Masaharu Morimoto's golf handicap is?
who knows? trying to find a comment in that thread is like trying to find a butter knife in a hoarder's basement.
i wanted to respond to mittbot and spent like a day in there. scary.
Subjectively, it felt like I had been in there for 2,000 years, but when I woke up, 60 Minutes was on.
A people who consume Galapagos sea cucumbers from vending machines must never be underestimated
Holothuria Thomasi- the other sea cucumber
I thought our greatest threat was idiots starting wars on false pretenses and hiring assholes with white mustaches that needed to be beaten senseless or beyond with a baseball bat. Of course I could be wrong about that.
No, no, the person you're talking about is America's greatest Commander-in-Chief hero fighter pilot ever. Or was. Until three years ago when all of a sudden he ceased to exist.
George. George who? Hmmmm. No, doesn't ring a bell.
George Hamilton? Isn't he on the 10-Amero bill? Or is that Reagan now?
No, you're thinking of George Metesky.
Reagan's on the Dime. Always has been.
One per cent. One per cent. Where have I heard that phrase recently?
Not on a list of America's worst enemies, although we should have.
Build the danged fence!
In response to the poll, Sarah posted on fb: "This clearly shows why we need to build a fence between Iran & America."
I wondered when someone was gonna get their head outta their ass and correctly identify geyh Messicuns cramming their Sharia logs down our throats as the greatest threat to the frredums and liberties we enjoy in America, where real Americans treasure the American Americanism we proudly adopted as American!!!
And plug the danged glory holes!!!
Ming the Merciless?
V571 hasn't been around for a while.
Yeah, where is he? He is awesome. Perhaps he's at Breitbart, battling evil trolls for our benefit.
He does it there so we don't have to do it here.
I think he works for a capital investment firm.
Only 2% for Russia? Vladimir Putin will NOT be pleased.
He's pissed. I can see it from my house.
Did he rear his head again?
Biggest current enemy of the US?
A toss-up between Kochistan and Limbaughnia.
kardashistan?
Left out of the poll:
Bachmannia
Gingrichland
Palinstainia
Hermany
Santoruvania
Romnia
And the town of Perryville. Too insignificant to be a country.
Why wasn't Rick Santorum on the list?
Too soon?
He ain't a country.
He's kind of cunty.
It was a poll of cuntries but not cunties.
(I know that's kinda weak but I'm hopped up on cold meds, some nice ale, & have insomnia).
He acts like a government unto himself. Using the Constitution to wipe his ass while talking about "higher powers" whose laws only he is able to interpret.
He is busy ducking some guy trying to shoot him with Santorum.
Shortage of Twinkies?
Upside, Dr_Z they never, ever spoil.
And 75% of the 32% who picked Iran would have a 25% chance of correctly locating that country on a globe with 98% of the incorrect countries labelled "Not This One".
Reminds me of this: http://flukenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/m…
My vote for worst enemy would go to News Corp.
This survey's bullshit. I don't see either Texas orArizona!
What? They're not still part of us, are they?
La la la la la la la, I can't hear them.
What? You're still here?!
I lerve that clip – posted it before myself.
"We've traced the crazy, and it's coming from inside the country."
Aren't we overdue for a John Bolton gay sex scandal by this point? I mean, imagine him in Magnum P.I. short-shorts. The pieces all come together at that point really.
Let's keep in mind that you just imagined John Bolton in "Magnum P.I. short-shorts" — I think we need to get you somewhere quiet now, where you can get the help that you need…
I need a extra dose of "cold medicine" since that image has been introduced to my brain.
"I mean, imagine him in Magnum P.I. short-shorts."
No, no!
I can't! I WON'T!! And you can't make me!!!
It'll be an illegal, gay, muslin, Persian boy with Asian bird flu, for sure.
Start canvassing the local rent boys. I can't imagine anyone would even *think* of doing Mr. Walrus Hair-helmet without the promise of a hefty payment after.
Wellp. So much for lunch.
For the rest of the week.
It seems to me this nation's top enemy is obesity. Stupidity and poor taste are nipping at its heels.
Rick Froth's nipping at its nose.
And roasting his chestnuts.
Everybody knows that whore diamonds from Tiffany's help to make the season bright.
People who are doing coke with Duhbya will find it hard to sleep tonight.
Obvs, the Valley of the Shmoo
I come close to dying of happiness when my sweetie says she wants to …ahhh, never mind.
I sincerely believe the nation of stupidity (us) is once again our biggest threat. Morons do moronic things to screw their own lives up…now doesn't that sound just like us?
Finally, I'm a one-percenter!
UMMMM….
Posted: Sunday, February 19th 2012 at 11:26pm
Santorum blasts Obama during Cumming rally
By Jerry Gunn Staff
~
I just saw a commercial like that, somewhere.
"Rick Santorum spoke to an overflow audience at the giant First Redeemer Church in Cumming"
Overflow; even better.
Overflow. They just kept cumming and cumming and . . .
Gallup poll sponsored by Joe Lieberman.
…the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!.
Callista?
"Petrol demand is as low as it’s been since April 1997,"
No American says 'petrol'. Deport the furriner!
I don't know about you, but my V-6 don't run on no pussy-ass petrol, strictly Gas-O-Leen…… Pussy!
How long has the Grand Supreme Ayatohlla been a hedge fund manager?
I bet those North Koreans are wishing they had some oil now (and were near Israel, also.)
I'd definitely would have put News Corporation up there. Way up there.
Internal enemies Stabbing Us In The Back!!!!! are our greatest threat, according to Free Republic.
Zee Mighty Armeeze of Ze Vaterlandt Vos Betradet at home by Zee [REDACTED]!!1!!
- Freie Republik
Ah, the "stab in the back theory" – never goes out of style.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stab-in-the-back_leg…
What about the Jerries? We're about due for another war with them at this point, aren't we?
Keep your friends close and your enemies in the Republican party presidential primary.
#1 Global enemy? Dr. Evil?
Where is GERMANY on this list? Pearl Harbor! NEVER FORGET!!!
I have a feeling it took some creative bookkeeping to get the number down to $687 billion. Maybe: VA doesn't count, veterans pensions don't count,… Not sure exactly what the precise hidden costs were, but I'm sure there were a lot of them.
A bunch of "military" stuff gets hidden in the CIA and NSA budgets, too, also.
Oh I am sure that is all harmless stuff like a giant laser you can make popcorn with.
You would have to be some kinda genius to make something like that.
Really!
ON THE MOON!!!!
in your pants!
Pentagon, too. Don't forget those expensive toilets & hammers.
Our #1 enemy is warmongering Canada. We need to invade Canada, kill its leaders and convert them back to the English system.
Our #2 enemy is the fricking script running on this page that keeps sending my browser window back to bejesus every time I enter a fucking comment.
What? Nobody picked "Loss of Essence", or "Threats to precious bodily fluids"? Was there a huge Tea Party convention out of communications range when this poll was taken?
It's Fluoridation. That's the problem. That's always been the problem.
More like the Floridation of our country.
Fluoridation. Working to Sap and Impurify your precious Bodily Fluids since 1952!
Not to mention the alien reptile that's been planted in Hopey's head.
American Idol must have been on.
Dial the dang phone!
(and vote for pretty one who sings "Sweet Home Alabama")
The only answer is to stock a bunker for a decade or two and populate it with a favorable man to women ratio. Eventually it will all blow over and we can reemerge spent but secure.
Zat would not be difficult, Mein Fuhrer! Eh, sorry.
This "favorable male-female ratio" you're speaking of. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
—
Can't be helped. Sacrifices must be made. We're talking about the survival of the race, man!
What about male to male ratio? I prefer 2 to 1. Or 2 on 1 or 1 on 2, as it were.
Personnally, I tried to pick Planned Parenthood (after all, they've killed tens of millions of Americans), but it wasn't on the list. so instead I picked the most anti-woman, anti-homosexual, anti-secular humanist, anti-atheist country in world history (Iran).
America's true enemy is all foreigners living abroad. Also all foreigners living here.
…and foreigners, too, also, as well as, altogether.
Also, too.
T
and…
Some of them foreign broads are pretty hot, though.
The greatest enemy we have, after diabetes, is the Slant Eyed Vegetable Prop Monster, whose name automatically deletes comments. First Amendment libel!!!
Forget diabetes. Paula Deen cooked up a cure for that.
It was still smothered in butter.
Petrol demand may be low in the United States but we are using record amounts of gasoline.
France isn't listed. Pussies.
I'll wait until The Onion tells me who I am to fear the most.
whatever, America. you go to war with the exaggeratedly threatening foreign countries you have–not the exaggeratedly threatening foreign countries you might want or wish to have at a later time.
pace yourself–save those countries for the second term.
By the end of President Gingrich's second term, he will have defeated Togo, Luxemburg, and Greenland.
events from one of his alternate history novels?
And as a result of the elimination of corporate, capitol gains and estate taxes, the elimination of taxes on all income above $200,000 along with quintupled military spending, the country experienced a complete financial collapse and was bought in a hostile takeover by a partnership of the Cayman Islands, Switzerland and Monaco.
Well, it'll be about time we defeat Greenland! According to the most reliable reference after Wikipedia – Uncle John's Bathroom Reader – the US offered Denmark 100 million dollars for Greenland right after World War II, but the Danes never answered.
America's True Enemy are all those Foreigners. The ones that came here 300+ years ago.
They ate all the Passenger Pigeons, dammit!
I was never a foreigner fan either.
They also killed all the buffalo, the bastards.
And cut down all the forests. Hey, what haven't they fucked up?
Moon Nazis people! Moon Nazis!!!!1!!
What about the Alien Brain Reptiles? Huh?
Why doesn't anyone listen? Where's my Colander Helmet?!
Maybe the battle over birth control should be fought in other countries, since they're reproducing faster than we can kill them off.
Greatest enemies ain't what they used to be.
Hey, sometimes you have to go to war with the greatest enemies you have, not the greatest enemies you wish you had.
The Soviet Union, now that was an enemy; they had the ability to completely blow us up. Nazi Germany took over almost all of Europe. And then there was the Confederacy, and the British Empire was the mightiest in the world at the time. Now we're supposed to shit our pants at a tiny Middle Eastern nation that has no capability to actually harm us? I think not.
But but but, if they had a nuke, they could maybe, I dunno ship it to us fedex or something?
They could float it over on a blimp, just to show up Ron Paul.
"they could maybe, I dunno ship it to us fedex"
The only funny thing P.J. O'Rourke ever wrote was about the time he was walking home at night and almost got mugged — except the guy was across the street:
Would be Mugger: Come over here and give me all your money!
PJ: No! *keeps walking*
sighhhhhhhhhhh
Also if we're still naming Iraq and Japan, where's Germany or Mexico or the Barbary Coast?
or Prussia !
and don't forget the Ottoman Empire !
And Spain. Remember the Maine.
Remember the Alamo! Nevah forget!
Grenada. We need to reinvade Grenada.
Besides, we haven't lost a war to Grenada in, oh, a thousand years, give-or-take 900 or so.
I would have said Texas.
The Cavity Creeps
"We make holes in the danged fence!"
I would have to say Calista's cankles as number one; have you seen those suckers? She makes Hilary look like Jennifer Fucking Lopez, fer Chrissakes.
Are you really allowed to name China as your “top enemy” when the cell phone you used to take the pollster’s call was built there?)
ahem. people who take these surveys answer a landline phone.
Gallup calls cell phones too.
well yes, but only the wingtards answer.
Yes, but everything they're wearing at time, driving, or listening to was also made in China. People would have to go naked, walk, and sing their own songs if they really wanted to get rid of Chinese goods.
Of course walking out naked in public while singing "Hotel California" would have its own set of diversions.
I personally think that anybody, clothed or naked, in public or in private, who sings "Hotel California" should be subject to a horrible punishment including, but not limited to, being locked up in an empty room (i.e., with nothing to make earplugs out of) while "Hotel California" plays on a repeating loop.
Also made in China.
I heard this straight from no less an expert than Newt Gingrich (and he's really smart); our biggest enemy is our own president. Can you even believe it?
Well, he just locked in my vote. Unless I see a shiny object between now and November.
It is an excellent message, except that it's 11 years too late.
(Are you really allowed to name China as your “top enemy” when the cell phone you used to take the pollster’s call was built there?)
Uh, yeah, since our cell phones are giving us all brain cancer.
sheriff babeau would have gone with mexico.
Pretty sure he already did, zing!
He went south of the border, and then some. **rimshot**
South of the border, down Mexi-anal way.
Mexi-colon way, innit?
It certainly wasn't "taco-style".
We have nothing to fear but – well nothing actually; there are no foreign enemies that pose a credible threat to the United States, not when we're spending more on our military than the entire rest of the world combined.
To be fair, if dollars spent necessarily translated into value created, Americans would also be the healthiest people in the world, too.
The moon nazis aren't on our world! Wake up sheeple!
Yes, we need the biggest military in history for when the moon Nazis attack; and also to prepare for the Dalek invasion of Earth in 2164!
Don't even get me started on the Borg and the Cylons! Deceptacons also, too!
Hah, and so Canadiana will steal all of your essences and such like, while you are looking the other way – if you don't mind, eh?
Defend the Northern Border!!1!
We have not fogotten the War of 1812 here in Michigan, I tell you what.
Damned Upper Canadians, the whole damned lot of them.
Since your armed hostilities with Ohio are much more recent, I'd be casting some worried glances southward. And Wisconsin has always been a bit pissed off about the whole "losing the UP" thing.
[For non-Michiganders: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toledo_War ]
" .. U.S. ally Israel, "
hhahahs ahahaha,…. yeah because when US hunted Bin Laden in Afghanistan, or deposing Saddam in Iraq, or bombing Gadhafi in Libya, Israel totally send their best trained troops to fight in the front line with US Army
All that investment in Israel & what do we get, right?
A good, steady arms customer?
Of all the world's countries, the one that most threatens the United States is that horrible Red Sox Nation.
Somebody needs to push those miserable, horribly accented fucks back into the Atlantic once and for all.
Now you're getting personal, son. The Red Sox Nation is all that stands between us and a takeover by those weird Newfoundlanders. Newfies belong on the list of enemies and thank Jeebus for the Red Soxers!
And 11 percent believe No Opinion is our top global enemy. Do they have nucular weapons or is that So Opinion?
I'm glad you spelled nucular right. This whole "Nuclear" thing is starting to piss me off.
He just needs to take some yoga, and become more centered.
And where does Freedonia rank…..hmmm?
Somewhere in hail.
Meanwhile, in a secluded swamp, the Legion of Doom plots their latest scheme to defeat…the Superfriends…
</announcer voice>
this is totally off topic, but i hope barry is prepared for a positive horde of suitors.
http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/post/17946457613/…
Three words:
Seal Team Six.
Or mebbe Soul Team Six.
Especially those who like their gals tall.
Not to worry, she'll be coming out of the closet in another five years.
I don't mean the lesbionic-type come out of the closet, I mean that's when Barry will let her out.
The suitors need to worry about Michelle, not Barry.
Oh man, is that girl going to break some hearts in a few years.
Oh Come on. The only reason people put down "The United States" is the biggest threat to the US is because they asked a bunch of Republicans and Gallup wouldn't let them put down "Obama".
Nah, 3 percent said the "Other". Isn't that what they call him?
Kirsten:
When may we expect delivery of our Sampler bags of Drugs, Alcohol and Chocolate-Covered Dildos?
Sincerely yours,
The Wonkette Commentariat Weekend Staff
Trucknutz?
I don't believe TruckNutz were included in the original Incentive Agreement for the 2000+ weekend post. If a pair should happen to end up in my bag (heh, heh) however, I wouldn't mind.
I know what Kirsten was doing this weekend while everybody at the Wonkette was on vacation, but I forgot to link to the pictures on Tumblr and now I can't find them. I know it was her because she had on a name tag that said, "Hello, my name is Kirsten". And nothing else.
Ooo, Do tell!
Where was the name tag placed exactly?
On her left enlarged modified sweat gland. And it was painted on.
johnnyzhivago was right upthread:
Our #1 enemy is warmongering Canada. We need to invade Canada, kill its leaders and convert them back to the English system.
Canada threatens… war with EU over tar sands
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2012/feb/20…
What's Canada so pissed about? No one wants sand in their oil to begin with.
On the upside, Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party sure have shut up those smug Canadians who used to mock us for our poor choice in leadership!
Well, to be honest I haven't been in a big hurry to do that since the Mulroney régime. But at least Mulroney was awful in the way Canadian politicians often can be – fluent in the language of corruption in both French and English, tireless appointer of incompetent cronies to important jobs (that would then be done by the senior civil servant charged to keep the chaos from spreading), horrible judge of character of nominal chums (brought Lucien Bouchard into government and then looked on slack-jawed as Bouchard left his party and formed the separatist Bloc Québecois.), etc.
Harper is awful in a different way – not incompetent or corrupt so much as relentlessly focused on destructive goals. Sort of a Bush lite, without a trillion-dollar army.
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
With all their beady little eyes
And flapping heads so full of lies!
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
We need to form a full assault,
It's Canada's fault!
Johnny Weismueller was the best Tarsands ever, although Ron Ely was kind of hunky, too.
Buster Crabbe libel!!
Didn't he perish in the Room of Requirement fire?
Really, Canada, you need an intervention. We need to get your off the (Keystone XL) pipe.
More seriously, I've been very disappointed in how myopic Canada can be with its natural resources. I can't tell you how many so-called liberal Canadians I've had discussions with that get pissed when they hear people refer to the sands as "tar sands" as if it's any better if you call them oil sands. It's still one of the most environmentally destructive ways to produce energy the world has ever seen.
I know! Why hasn't Los Angeles mounted a campaign to rename the La Brea
TarOil Pits?I know, I know, the guy in the picture is America's worst global enemy.
Oh, we make fun, but just wait until the Chinese People's Liberation Army rolls in on their bicycles, with their yellow shirts and their gong sound effects. See who's laughing then.
As long as they don't try to take our Guns, I'm cool with it.
I for one will welcome our Chinese People's Liberation Army overlords if they will loot all the Chinese crap from all the WalMarts and take it home with them as their booty.
I don't see them having much use for such apparel as t-shirts like this: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Men-s-Combat-Sam-Short-…
They can donate them to their brothers the North Koreans and watch them drool. (Bad pdog, baaaad.)
With all the enemies America has, how can we determine which is the worst?
If only one group were darker-skinned, or something.
Or chose distinctive headgear.
Iran is our worst enemy?
So, that means it's 1979 and Raygun and his followers haven't totally trashed the economy?
I move that anyone who advocates war with Iran must identify and properly pronounce the names of both the Supreme Leader and President before voting or making any policy suggestions.
The same goes for China. Anyone who answers "Fu Manchu" is to be permanently exiled to Canada, forced to slave away in the poutine mines of Nunavut.
Well, call me an old fussbudget, but I've always been mildly annoyed by people who think "Ayatollah Khomeini" is a person's name.
"Ayatollah" is the title of a government ruler.
"Khomeini" is a geographical grouping.
Therefore, the Ayatolla Khomeni is the Ayatolla of Khomein, just like the Texan Governor is the Governor of Texas.
The person who was notorious as the "Ayatollah Khomeini" in the 70s was actually named Ruholla Hendi.
Huh. I didn't know that. Thanks – that's quality "avoid looking stupid in the future" information right there.
I'd join your crusade, tessiee, but I wore myself out explaining that there was no such person as Princess Diana.
The poutine mines of Nunavut?! That would surely make you history's greatest monster. A poutine gulag is both cruel and unusual.
The answer is Mexico.
They keep on sending in operatives to do our chores in order to erase our collective memories of routine household tasks. There isn't an American living who has more than a hazy understanding of how to mow a lawn or fold a bedsheet. We're heading over the cliff in an unwashed Chevy.
Cat spit.
I hate to ask such an obvious, naive question, but do we really need a Greatest Enemy? Does there have to be one? This is one of those "when did you stop beating your wife" questions, isn't it?
Soooooo, ntD, when exactly did you stop beating your wife?
I think it was a Tuesday…
Well, we need one for the Distraction, obviously. That is precisely why we have always been at war with Eastasia.
So who do you consider to be the United States' greatest enema today?
Janine Lindemuller?
Marshal "Enema Man" Mathers III?
You mean to tell me that a central Asian nation with a (real) unemployment rate upwards of 20-30% and a per capita GDP ranked around the 100th in the world is our greatest threat? Really, America? For reals, America?
Really, I'm tired of this theater, and shame on our leaders, Democrats and Republicans, alike, that keep cynically deceiving us. They think we're that stupid…and they're probably right.
Totally. Don't they know that our true biggest threat is a Caribbean island with a basket case economy, and a land area smaller than most US states, upon which we've established a military base that they are powerless to do anything about?
The Cuban issue just blows my mind. Every country has their odd boogey men arch enemies – I mean, the whole Falkland thing looks pretty silly for both sides from an American perspective – but the reflexiveness toward Cuba is something else to behold. Vietnam was another one that looked like bad news from the very beginning, but looks absolutely horrible and astounding in its pettiness and unnecessity in hindsight.
Yes indeed. Among the many things that are staggering in retrospect is the fact {now, of course, down the memory hole} that the U.S. gave substantial financial and other support to Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge for no other reason, apparently, than that they were opposed to the Vietnamese.Though I'm in no way a fan of Maggie T, I've always had a soft spot for her aggressive military response in the Falklands, since theembarrassing thrashing delivered to Argentina led directly to the downfall of the blood-soaked Junta (beloved by Jeanne Kirkpatrick) that had run the Dirty War.—
?? Cuba isn't on that list.
Iran's GDP = Maryland's GDP.
Heart Disease.
Exercise.
I would have guessed diabeetus.
Not eating a good Breakfast.
Fiber.
BTW, where is Kenya listed on this list? I'd have guessed it have been at least second, along with the nation of Hawaii and the socialist city-state of Chicago.
Robots. Stealing our Senior Citizens medicine.
A true threat. Look for it re-run as an attack ad come October.
I know it keeps me up at night.
Based on the movie trailers I saw on Saturday, I'm going with either Cobra or weird undersea robots that can shoot explosive Selectric typewriter wheels thousands of miles at our cities and military bases.
Oooo, those puppies hurt when they get stuck and you end up popping them off into your face! Can't imagine what they'd be like being fired thousands of miles.
Fortunately for my face, the office's last Selectric died about a year and a half ago.
What's a "type writer", old people?
You sunk my battle-writer! Now how am I going to warblog?
Come on, you guys. As you know, you go to war with the enemy you have, not the enemy you might want or wish to have at a later time.
Once again, everyone ignores the true menace that is Canada.
I'm more afraid of Alaska. Maybe we could trade it to Denmark for Greenland and a case of beer to be named later.
Steve King told me our worst enemy is those damn curly cue light bulbs!
Rick Froth is seriously untethered from facts when he's in front of a friendly audience – he knows how to stoke a sub-surface fear within his people so that when they hear anything remotely related they jump to the worst, craziest conclusion. It's very related to evangelical faith, you have to be prepared to receive the word, so to speak. When you hear that little dog whistle it confirms everything you have been told, and magnifies it.
Zebra mussels.
Wonder Pets.
They're not so tough.
Phragmites
Obviously, our greatest enemy is Canada! Who else mocks us by having prosperity and universal health care coverage. And by inflicting hockey on us, when we have perfectly good sports of our own.
Triffids
The Birds.
What the hell, "gas station wine" didn't even make the list?
Freedonia didn't make the list again? They'll be so disappointed.
Mighty Morphine Power Arrangers.
Oh, so you know Jerry.
Tim Tebow.
We spend billions rebuilding Afghanistan and trying to wring out Taliban fighters there and 7% think were doing it because they're our enemy?
Duh!
Its obviously Indonesia. They have more Mooslims than any other nation.
Let us spare those mooslims for their yummy Satay and Bakso.
All of them, Katie.
The Raider Nation needs to be eliminated and that's a fact.
Hear, hear!
Paul Revere libel!
Like it or not, Barry Sotero will win in 2012 because the Cthulu Lizard Deity wants it that way. (check your Monster manuals or Fiend Folios on that one)
In 2013, there will be War: America versus the Obama alien reptile. The worse part is that we'll have to go through Biden first. Who knows what those hairplugs really are.
Jill, baby, Jill.
I'm somewhat wary of my fiendfolio after it got Santorum on it.
Santorum/Bolton '12
That works with either John OR Michael.
Trolls
(No, not Brietbart trolls – they're just assholes. the ones under the bridges. I'm running out of goats!)
There is a constant drumbeat for war presented by supporters of Israel here in the US and no opposing views are allowed. If you watch network news or the political sunday morning programs you will never hear an invited guest say…Iran has no nuclear weapons programs. Iran is a member of the AEIA…Israel is not.
Write the white house and tell Obama to stand tall against Netanyahu and his henchment here in our own country.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/submit-question…
henchment?
You were doing so well, too, until the end, bless your heart.
With all this attention to Iran, everyone has forgotten The Duchy of Grand Fenwick.
Which is when they are the most dangerous.
Rawr!
Greece. Greece is bringing down the whole financial house of cards and must be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly. Send the Marines!
Much like the Arab League and UN invitation to the party in Libya, we're only going into Greece if the EU and UN requests it. lol
Not a bad idea, actually. US Military bases typically hire locals to do the scut work. Jerbs!
Plus, Marines spend money like drunken sailors. Boostin' the economy!
OT: Just watching Morning Joe (I like it as a guilty pleasure in a bad car wreck kind of way), and they have that vile-assed Franklin Graham on playing the really "I don't know if Obama is a Chrisitian, you have to ask him" bullshit. Usually, this panel is a pro at tolerating this vileness, consummate villagers and bullshitters, themselves. This time, to my surprise, the entire panel calls BS on every shitty talking point he throws out. He goes on about how Mitt Romney's not a Christian, that Newt is a serial adulterer…but, somehow, theologically, both are better candidates than the Christian Obama. You should have saw them call his ass out, and how dumbfounded they were. They had Alex Wagner, Willie, John Heileman and Mike Barnacle on. It was a thing of strange beauty. You never see this kind of candidness on that show, or most cable news.
It gave me some hope that maybe, just maybe, the beltway ass-kissers will do their job, this time, and just totally start calling the other sides' lies, for once. Who knows. I'm not holding my breath.
I watched that and the Twitter is all over it , I think they were good on MJ because Joe and Mika were absent and it became a watchable show.
Yeah, it does seem to be better when they are absent, which is ironic given the fact that they are given star billing. Joe's a bully, and Mika is, well…I don't quite know what she is when she's around Joe, but it's a very odd (and very annoying) character she plays.
I have started to watch Soledad's show on CNN and if I flip between that and MJ I find myself not quite so angry .
Mika Milquetoast is a willing collaborator in Joe's insufferableness. I've seen articles that try to drum up sympathy about how he is "oppressing" her, but I suspect she could easily get another gig if she wanted.
I've wondered if Franklin is such a prick because the Graham brand is fading and he wants more publicity. Plus once Dad takes the Stairway to Heaven Frankie won't want to live in his shadow.
The fact that he's an outrider for Sarah Palin shows his lack of long-term career planning.
Kudos to you for watching that shit! My blood pressure can only take local news, ESPN and Comcast Sportsnet in the morning anymore.
my wife and I were cheering as they nailed Graham for setting the bar so high for Obama but not for serial divorce sex addict Newt Gingrch, Santorum and Mitt.
Those fucking wimps wouldn't have opened their mouths if Joe had been there.
"This time, to my surprise, the entire panel calls BS on every shitty talking point he throws out. …. It was a thing of strange beauty. You never see this kind of candidness on that show, or most cable news. … It gave me some hope that maybe, just maybe, the beltway ass-kissers will do their job, this time, and just totally start calling the other sides' lies, for once."
We have St. Ronnie to thank for *that*, too. It got exponentially worse after 9/11 somehow magically made Bush not a moron, but Raygun was the first to promote the meme that it was bad form for journalists to ask questions.
Underneath that sober/boring suit he always wears, is an ever so cute little leather Bavarian outfit, complete with studs and diamonds.
One day he's gonna get hisself caught in Minneapolis airport restrooms, I'm telling ya.
Lt. Prince in its jet flyin' suit and Sick Rantorum with the white pointy hat. The collective poster ids for evil.
Can we really have forgotten our Cylon enemies already? WHY DON'T SCHOOLS TEACH HISTORY!!??!!
OT: Oh, boy:
Stay klassy, DSK. Apparently, the legal problem in this particular case isn't buying prostitutes, rather, that he bought them with company funds and bought them from a ring.
"I challenge you to distinguish a naked prostitute from any other naked woman,"
I know! I know! Teacher, pick me, pick me!
The (presumably well-compensated) naked prostitutes are the ones who are willing to have sex with that flabby old rapist goat.
Only ultrasound can tell them apart!
As Joaquin Sabina would say: "la más señora de todas la putas, la más puta de todas las señoras".
"To our friends, the Good Guys,
and to our enemies, the Bad Guys,
and to the hope that one day we'll be able to tell one from the other."
- Toast from Keith Laumer novel
"No one likes us, I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens"
– Randy Newman, "Let's Drop the Big One Now"
Where is Mordor?
How can Afghanistan even be on the list? What are they going to do…throw rocks at us.
Heh..yeah, we haven't had a chance to fully arm them yet.
No rocks, just suck out money, blood, and public discourse for the next 5 years.
7th Century for the win!
1. Climate Change
2. Religious Fanatics
3. Loose Women Who Turn Me Down
“People are properly puzzled by the fact that we’re using less gas than we have in years, yet we’re paying more.”
Duh…
Best alt-text ever! ('Cause it's true…)
Acknowledging that your own nation is the greatest threat to world security in the world is the "record net long position" of all net long positions, no?
Is that like betting against yourself in a boxing match?
The single greatest threat to this nation today is the fact that Tom Hanks is still making movies. When he isn't hosting benefit events to commemorate the D-Day Astronauts.
Last good one , as I recall, was Bachelor Party
Some movies are "bad" in the sense that they are not good, they fail to achieve goodness. Tom Hanks' movies are "bad" not because they are "not good," they are "bad" in the sense that they are intrinsically morally evil, a force for darkness and death and pain and pestilence in the world. They are the antithesis of "good," and thus its mortal enemy, and their existence is an excruciating insult to good people everywhere.
"You've Got Mail" comes to mind.
Bad manners. One shouldn't bomb people during tea time. Just not done old boy.
WalMart should top that list.
So what's with our Wonkette overlords? 11:20 EST and still no new snark? "They" haven't started flying drones in the U.S. already, have they?
I don't know who our worst enemy is, but I sure wish that the US would stop working so hard to make more.
Nice pix of 'Merika's Number One Enema, you betcha!
China's #2? Why do you hate Walmart so much, America?
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
"the nation that Americans should really fear most is, ha ha, their own"
I agree, but you forgot to add that the US government has murdered over 40 million children right here in America! How can we call ourselves "civilized" and pay rich white men millions of dollars to suck the brains out of unborn children?
Thanks, Kirsten, for recognizing that the American Holocaust is real.
But, but sharing is caring. Providing them for others is quintessentially socialist. Man, Sarkozy fucked up France more than I thought. What is this world coming to when you can't share prostitutes in France?! Won't someone think of the scumbag millionaries?!
Could be him.
I heard he's on the loose.
When I clicked on the linkie, the pop-up ad at the bottom of the video was "President Santorum?"
So what so they feed the hot ice princess of a bitch? Perino Dog Chow?
Hey Pinche, how can you question Apple? Don't you know that Obama hates Apple? They are the most capitalized company in the world, and he's a Marxist. At least that's what Russ says. And Limbnuts should know, they won't sponsor the fat fuckface.
And, also too, your new description is right on. Waht is the deal with those trolls visiting our profiles?? Feeble intimidation, OCD or just flat out psychopaths? Or all of them Katie?
You guys need to go see ZPZ if the show gets anywhere near you. Just great what Dweezil's doing out there.
well im sure one day we'll all be watching in horror on our fancy capitalistic ipads a corporate sponsored youtube video of limpnuts choking on a taco bell chimichanga or something on that god forsaken walmart-bought webcam.
all of the katie on that last one. yeah, those breitbart fellas need to get out more or something.
tonight, i have lost the will to use the shift key.
Twice! Awesome both times.
True story: While waiting for a haircut once in Chicago the old guy in the chair ahead of me was ranting that we had no idea what might have happened to Clinton (this was '94) while he was over in Russia as a student. "They coulda planted one of them chip things in his head." "Yup" was the old barber's sage reply.
I love theories like that.I once overheard a rider on a bus in Pittsburgh pontificate to a group that had boarded at the homeless shelter.She was patiently explaining to them (and they were listening) that George Bush was merely a puppet president, it was actually the all-knowing person she referred to as “Bald Ari” who was running the country.”Bald Ari knows everything.You listen to him when he talks on TV,” she admonished.I've often wondered how she coped when Fleischer (aka The Great and Powerful Oz) resigned.
Comments on this entry are closed.