Here is your Wonkette YouTube President’s Day Bonanza Honor Post, featuring a concerned lady talking about an alien reptile that’s been lodged in the back of our President’s head, just like it was lodged in the head of an “Egyptian Pharo” several millenia ago. Do you see the scar? THE SCAR, DO YOU SEE IT?
But lo, another theory: “FAIRLY CERTAIN THIS IS VOLDEMORT, NOT A REPTILE,” a commenter suggests. What has happened to our president, reader? Has his head been seized by the notorious “Cool Britannia” psycho wizard Voldemort/Tony Blair or a horned tongue-waving alien reptile with hella boffo mind powers? We’ll reveal the answer in next year’s Wonkette YouTube President’s Day Bonanza Honor Post.
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Looks like the implant in the back of Rush's head too. Also.
Rush has a one eyed snake implanted in his, um, "mind."
That was a Brain Sucker, but it starved to death.
WUT? No! That's Rush in the back of his head. The rest of it is the alien.
Gitcher contacts prescription checked dood/ine.
Worst Ancient Aliens episode ever.
With the state of CGI scripting today, this was all she could produce.
Would Not Buy Again.
Great. Now Obama has to send Vincent and Jules to retrieve his briefcase from Boehner, Cantor and the rest of their gang.
And Barack Obama don't like to be fucked by anyone but Mrs Obama!
Can you blame him? I would also like to be fucked by Mrs. Obama. Unfortunately, Barack got there first, damn his eyes. Selfish bastid.
Be careful with that. I heard he threw a guy out a window for giving the first lady a foot massage.
Still tryin' REAL hard to be the shepherd, though.
Illegal alien libel!
Well…who could POSSIBLY argue with that? O'Reilly has his evening lead!
Two words: Poe's Law
Who could possibly argue with that? No one.
You don't argue with nutbags. You order them up a snazzy white tight-fitting jacket with extra-long sleeves.
Get away from him, you bitch!
Love it.
I am so happy that you got the reference, Honey!
We were watching Wallace and Gromit – A Matter of Loaf and Death and there was a similar reference.
Perfect!
The Republicans mostly come out at night.
Mostly…
My gosh, this lizard thing is such inexpensive. In my day, the guys used Bayer aspirin for mind protection. They taped it to the back of their head, and it wasn't that costly.
I, for one, welcome our alien leader…
Sure beats the (R) options.
Obama/Alien Lizard 2012
I'm seriously going to make up bumper stickers, for freaking out the loons who buy into this shit.
Sometimes I think you have a cruel streak.
And then I remember whom we're talking about heah.
So crazy it just might be true! But probably it's just crazy.
I believe that there was an Austrian leader of the Nazi Party who led Germany in the 30's and early 40's that had the same thing on his head.
~Rick Santorum
Crocodile Dundee, he was called. On walkabout all around the Austrian outback with a croc on his topper.
You know, life used to resemble a bad Robert Heinlein novel only when I was extremely stoned, oncet.
Commented Rick Santorum: "you know who else had an alien reptile implanted in his head?"
Mitch McConnell?
Turtle Power!
Larry Craig!!!
Wait… you didn't mean trouser snake.
Medusa?
My wife says it's me, just for watching this stuff.
Never argue with your wife. Not if you're planning to get some ever again, anyway.
Jesus?
Zaphod?
Oh, and by the way, now I see what kind of people enjoy Tom Hanks movies.
Somebody fell asleep while watching a Stargate SG-1 marathon methinks….
After dropping a whole fucking sheet of blotter acid, too.
Con: 'Preznit?' 'Preznit!' 'Preznit'… Never told you how 'Preznit' Obama sent many of us white poeple into exile in this barren now polluted and ruined sandheap with only the contents of these SUVs and Rascals to sustain us?
Chekov: You lie! In Dumbfuckistan there was life! A fair chance…
Con: [shouts] THIS IS DUMBFUCKISTAN! New Orleans flooded six months after we were left here. The shock ruined our proudly unregulated economy of this red state and everything was laid waste. 'Preznit' Obama never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my reading of Atlas Shrugged that allowed us to survive. In the Confederate States America, two hundred years ago, I was a master with power over millions of men like Barry…
Yeah, I saw this on a TED Talk. Fascinating!
Worst. Performance. Art. Ever.
Whoaa…..someone has watched WAY too much Stargate SG-1
No fair! How the hell are we supposed to make fun of them when they do all the heavy lifting themselves?
It feels like shoddy workmanship. There isn’t quite the same sense of satisfaction.
Eh. Fuck it. I’ll just point and laugh anyway.
Alien implantation scar / shitty job of brush, uh, blah-people hair, I'm torn, Bob. I could go with either explanation, but I think the evidence points to the more likely cause…
If I really, really believed this, I would be a little more dramatic than "this concerns me greatly."
This reminds me of my experience watching The Blair Witch Project with a group of friends several years ago. Over drinks after the movie, one said the scariest part was that she'd heard the movie was based on a true story and that some of the footage was from the actual found tapes. I replied that if I thought any part of that movie was real, I wouldn't be discussing it with a beer in my hands, I'd be hacking people to death in the streets with a machete because fuck it–it's go time.
"this concerns me greatly." = "Quick Honey, grab the bows!!"
Obama/Reptile or Reptile/Obama—either would be miles better than anyone the Republicans could come up with.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!
So that's why he's pushing for a slight decrease in the payroll tax. It all makes sense now! I don't get his "No Rectal Probe Left Behind" initiative though.
Alien reptile or santorum? Yup, goin with alien reptile.
"IT'S A TWO-PARTY SYSTEM!" – Kodos
I like how she announces "our tax dollars at work!" after detailing various features of an alien demon living in Barry's head. Like it's just some policy point she's debating. Not, you know, an insane aliens-in-heads conspiracy.
I love the bit about praying for him the most. Uh…..what?
Clearly we need to lower taxes to address this problem.
That alien might be a job creator.
So far none of the other aliens have gotten it done.
That lazy-ass Alf was always relying on handouts from the Tanners.
but to be fair, why ARE our tax dollars paying for alien head implants?
I remember seeing this bill on C-SPAN. It was the Presidential Alien Implantation Bill: HR 666, SR S666. It passed both houses during the presidential transition period but wasn't implemented until the CIA , FBI, and NSA figured out how to make it work in secret. It involved a "little drone" and some Delaware politician as I remember…
All I know is, if my tax monies are paying for fancy-pants alien implants for East Coat Elites and Chicago Thugs, then where is mine?
What is an Egyptian Pharo?
What's a Greek earn?
Not enough to prevent the meltdown they're having now apparently.
Strange that the Greek people are getting upset at the EU forcing policies onto Greece that would impoverish the masses while not allowing the people to have elections and choose their own, possible EU-unapproved government.
I am trying to do an "analyzation" of that right now.
One of Charie's Angels?
I think it's a breed of cat.
Somebody who had to import Hebrew braceros.
ISWYDT
I think Egyptian Pharo is something like Texas Hold 'Em.
Or Cleveland Steamer. To each his/her own.
'That's some great "analysation" and I approve this message', says Newt Gingrich
and she says there are MORE of them! it's like the republican convention!
I think the reptile this silly twat needs would be found a little lower on the other side, say just between the belly button and the knees. Sad. Never had a good horse-fucking, never will.
"and there's this other woman, who does analysation like I do" (3:00)
A couple more alien anal probes, and we'll all be voting for Santorum?
You should see her take on finding the Virgin Mary on Bristol Palin's head.
Which remainds me: Everyone wish a Happy 70th Birthday to Senate Minority Leader, Bitch McConnell.
May his plastron shine eternal!
Happy birthday, dear Yertle…
I think you meant "Senate Minority Turtle."
Dammit; here I thought no one would discover our plan until it's too late. Ah well at least no one's discovered we've got Australian PM Julia Gillard too yet.
She looks more like a secret kangaroo about the face. I, for one, welcome our human-marsupial hybrid overlord.
Honestly, they didn't do a very good job with the implantation. Wouldn't "they" want to conceal this from the rest of us? Our tax dollars at work, indeed!
Close enough for gubmint work!
Oh, that was Carl. He's new.
He's sorry about all those Cattle Mutilations also.
That's the best part of any conspiracy: The secret cabal is smart enough to implant aliens/install bombs in WTC without notice/rob the cavefish of its sight/fake-land on the fake-moon, but somehow not smart enough to keep any random moron with an Internet connection from exposing them.
You know what they say, good for government work.
These people take themselves seriously?
If someone can just get a picture of his eyes glowing we can prove Dr. Jackson right once and for all. I for one have been torured by the Goa'uld but have never been able to prove it…………Good god almighty some people are just F*cking Idiots!
Too late for the Democrats to start a "Draft Art Bell" movement?
Maybe George Noory is available.
Given her mental state, I'd probably be more interested in finding Bigfoot.
Ever hear somethin' in the woods? There you go. Obviously a 'squatch. What more proof do you need?
Woods? Proof? Nice attempt at misdirection. You are obviously he.
Well this all seems very scientific.
So, what's the problem? I've had an Alien Reptile in my head for years. I give it nutrients and it gives me access to the Galactic Encyclopedia (you wouldn't believe the entry on frogs). Also lets me see in far ultraviolet wavelengths.
All the Cool Kids have 'em.
Dang, and all I got in my head was the damn platypus. From time to time, our thoughts co-mingle but otherwise, one would never know he was there.
There was that one time though, when I toured a hydroelectric facility and he exerted is control over my thoughts and attempted to compell me to ask the tour guide for McGriddle.
Well, just mention "Wonkette" the next time you're Abducted and you can get it swapped out for a Reptile for free. You'll have to have an Anal Probe though.
No Medical reason. It's just the law.
Beats finding "666" on the back of his head, I guess.
Those are "Nines"!
I haven't looked, but I'm willing to bet there are about 598 videos on YouToob "exposing" exactly that.
How is it these people are not locked up in mental institutions??
See Reagan, Ronald for more details. You have a right to refuse psychiatric treatment unless you pose an imminent danger to yourself, others or are so gravely disabled that you cannot care for yourself. Posting weird bullshit on the internet ain't on the list.
You're right, I totally forgot about that shit.
"See Reagan, Ronald for more details. You have a right to refuse psychiatric treatment unless you pose an imminent danger to yourself, others or are so gravely disabled that you cannot care for yourself."
Yeah, it's psychiatric treatment; not like it's a compulsory vadge scan or anything.
Ronald Reagan.
Someone has to vote for Santorum.
Not to worry. Not a problem as long as they don't have access to guns. Oh. Wait…..
So who DIDN'T know this already??? Show of hands? Nobody?
That's what I thought.
Yeah but you know, if W had had a reptile in the back of his head you would all be screaming bloody murder! More of that rampant "It's OK if Obama does it" tribalism!
Wait, did they lift this from one of the really shitty episodes of Star Trek TNG in the first season?
No, Conspiracy was actually one of the rare good episodes of Next Generation's first season.
I don't think any of the episodes from the first season have aged very well. It was better than the one where Wesley gets drunk and takes over the ship and Data fucks Tasha, I'll give you that.
alt.wesley.crusher.must.die
Brain Slug Party 2012
What is the Brain Slug Party going to do for the working man?
Attach brain slugs to them.
That is just so wonderful.
Next episode.. "Find the Pope in the Pizza."
Experts Agree. It Was Aliens.
no way this is true.
but there was evidence.
Giant debate today in the Senate of the Planet Gtwrlb over the waste of Gtwrlbian tax dollars on reptilian implants in the noggins of non-Gtwrlbians, especially Kenyath muslins. Implant experiments are for the boobs of blonde humanoids only.
"To Serve Mankind" . . .
IT'S A COOKBOOK!
I don't know. I thought it looked like a cute little hamster.
Google "Obama Head Alien." Voila: http://i.imgur.com/nZNhS.jpg
That is…um….that is just something, huh?
I'm not sure I believe this. Because when I was a kid and we went on those family roadtrip-to-hell vacations, my sibs & I had to sit in the station wagon facing backwards. Facing one direction while moving in the opposite can really mess up one's equilibrium. Wouldn't the Reptilians know that?
And doesn't the implanted Reptilian get tired of eating President Obama's pillow all night?
C'mon, people, this is science.
That's a pirate not a demon. Looks like her facial recognition software is malfunctioning. She needs to be sent back to factory for an upgrade, or maybe even a reinstall.
"Look at the jagged teeth! Look at the reptilian eyes!"
Oh, please. That's not an alien reptilian, it's just James Carville.
That's not an alien reptilian, it's just James Carville.
Sorry – I don't follow your logic. B does not disprove A in this situation.
That's the scar from where they removed his soul. Didn't you watch the movie?? Wake up Sheeple!
I smell a new Orly Taitz emergency injunction.
I am utterly astounded that I could'nt hear any snickering in the background.
oh for gods sake, it's not a reptile, it's a salamander.
A pompous salamander, no doubt.
Ooh! My turn!
A pompous salamander who keeps cheating on and then ditching his wives.
We gotta wait a whole fucking YEAR? That is cold, Newell. Real fucking cold.
Man, this KrayZLayD is even crazier than I had expected, after my decades of experience with KrayZLayDz. I wish I could see any of the things she's seeing. I'm tempted to ask for a refund on my weed.
So that's why he delivered the State of the Union address from the ceiling of the House Chamber.
Dudes check it out Im on YouTube! Im totally all up in the Presiden's hair!
So she's using some kind of advanced infrared camera detection technology on stock footage of the back of the president's head?
Thanks Jim, I now feel complete. Whole. I realize now I am not alone.
In Washington, no one can hear you scream.
Someone really could do with some strong antipsychotic medication. Taking up knitting might help her keep some sort of tenuous grasp on something akin to reality too.
god damn it i can't see it….fuuuuck..if there is one stuck in there i want to donate more money for his reelection…our human heads are pretty fucked up right now..look what THEY have done to the Republican Pope Santorun
….and just about at the end she run out of coke…
Can this be any worse than the 64k PC-AT lodged in Mitt Romney's head???
Stop making fun, you guys! This is serious! Didn't you see the control device? The jagged teeth? The long tongue?
An alien creature living for free in someone else's body? Paid for by our tax dollars? Way to spread the culture of dependency to outer space, Obama!
Thorazine on Aisle 12, please
OT – Hey Newell! Now that you're back, can you bring back downfisting and The Banhammer?
She encountered a wild Troll President.
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/trollface-coolface-...
May teh magic whispers of Wingularity™ guied them to truthiness!
Can Obama be the antiChrist and still have a space alien cradled in the back of his head at the same time? What are the odds Obama could be that devious? A zillion to one.
I don't know what being has a hold of the president, but what I do know is that Teh Stupid is lodged firmly in the brains of conservatives, and it can't be extracted surgically.
They're now channeling bad old 80's sci fi? really ?
The movie came out in 1953. From the internet:
"
Here are some favorite science fiction movies of the 1950's. Can you name a few more?
1950's
1.) Invaders from Mars-1953. This film was directed by William Menzies and released through Twentieth Century Fox. I loved this film as a child and still try to catch it when it's on television. The basic storyline is a young boy; David Mclean is awakened during the night and walks to his bedroom window where he sees a space ship land in the sand pit near his house. Just about everybody in the town falls into the sand pit and are captured by the Martians. The Martians implant control devices in the necks of the poor earth people including David's father, some military leaders and the chief of police.
This movie features some rather cool special effects for the time and many of the shots are from the point of view of the child (camera pointed up). This movie is still shown rarely on television but check Netflix to rent. A trailer for Invaders from Mars is available on YouTube."
I hope Nic Cage can get to the bottom of this in the movie version.
Hello, they already believed him to be an illegal alien, so the jump to an actual extraterrestrial alien ain't that far.
Stargate Libel, yo!
…the fuck?
Your tax dollars at work. And do you have any idea what the new health plan charges for reptile implantations? It's an outrage!
Glad to see the teaparty has finally come to embrace science.
The only thing implanted anywhere is stupidity, implanted in the Republican candidates heads
That's why Obama told everyone his middle name is "Hussein." It's just crazy enough to distract us from his Real Hidden Name of Doom: Shumway.
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