TRIPLE PLAY  12:31 pm February 20, 2012

Right-Wing Anti-Mexican Arizona Sheriff Has Gay Mexican Lover

by Wonkette Jr.

Gay Mexican Anchor Dildos for Paul Babeu!Here is the hot American president’s day news for those of you who didn’t spend the weekend searching for “gay wingnut arizona sheriff tries to deport gay mexican lover” on Ask Jeeves: Beloved right-wing anti-Mexican Arizona sheriff Paul Babeu has been caught trying to deport his homosexual Mexican lover, because Paul Babeu is a homosexual with an unquenchable thirst for the semen of illegal Mexican men. It is very common for anti-Mexican Republicans to have undocumented Mexican servants and gardeners and nannies, of course, and it is exceedingly common — almost required by the RNC — for Republican politician men to be self-hating homosexuals, and it is utterly expected that any Republican in Arizona is going to be a comic book villain/idiot. But to get all three in one person (a sheriff, even!) running for Congress is just a bit overboard.

So, according to the Phoenix New-Times and the thousand gleeful news articles that have followed this weekend, Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu tried to deport his homosexual lover, “Jose.” That’s about all you need to know.

But, of course, you would like a few comical details, to help with the gloating:

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu — who became the face of Arizona border security nationally after he started stridently opposing illegal immigration — threatened his Mexican ex-lover with deportation when the man refused to promise never to disclose their years-long relationship, the former boyfriend and his lawyer tell New Times.

The latest of the alleged threats were made through Babeu’s personal attorney, who’s also running the sheriff’s campaign for Congress in District 4, the ex-lover says.

Babeu has decided, obviously, to continue running for Congress. After all, he is very tough on illegal immigration, when it comes to the actual Mexican men he is sodomizing! (Or being “sodomized by,” as we don’t pretend to know the nature of this relationship other than it is Very Gay, which Republicans tend to be against, in theory but rarely in practice.)

Where have we seen this gay man, Paul Babeu, before? Oh, the usual places. But also, in this hilarious John McCain campaign video from 2008, “Complete the Danged Fence.”

Paul Babeu, obviously, is now a Mitt Romney campaign chairman in Arizona. Based on the New Times report of the many professional services “Jose” provided to Babeu, we wonder if Romney’s Arizona websites were also created by the talented and oppressed “Jose.”

Jose says he met Babeu in October 2006 on gay.com, a dating website. What started with an online invitation from Babeu for the two to get together, he says, turned into not only a personal relationship but a professional one.

Jose says he created and maintained Babeu’s campaign websites, his Facebook page, and his Twitter account. Babeu didn’t pay him for his online services, he claims.

We await the news of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s homosexual Illegal Mexican love betrayal with something approaching horror. [Fox News/Phoenix New Times]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 271 comments }

nounverb911 February 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I always thought Walnuts was gay for Miss Lindsey, now we know the truth.

Not_So_Much February 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Those crazy lovebirds are "fact finding", again, over in the Middle East right now. JUST KISS ALREADY!!

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm

If anyone deserves to be apprehended for straying across the border into Iran, it's those two fucks.

natoslug February 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

That's one hell of a bold coming-out statement.

"Senator, you're one of us."
Long soulful stares into each others' eyes . . .
"I'm John McCain and I approve this message."

I should snark here, but really, Walnuts said it all.

arihaya February 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"I'm John McCain and I approve this massage."

Trannysurprise February 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

The messicans can't hide from the long arm of the law.

nounverb911 February 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Or the "Short Arm" either.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 20, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Or the law's little mouth, either, also, too.

prommie February 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The long arm of the law is especially useful for giving reach-arounds.

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Or playing the rusty trombone.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I wish I didn't know what that meant.
You don't know how much I wish I didn't know what that meant.

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I feel your pain. Sometimes I think that if the 'net didn't exist, I wouldn't know terms like Rusty Trombone, Snorkling, Cleveland Steamer, Hot Carl, or Jeff Gammon.Damn you Internet!(Oh, goatse and tubgirl…fuck, I should just go kill myself now)oh, and furries.—

WiscDad February 20, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Now just because the sheriff is tall does not mean he has a long 'arm'

CivicHoliday February 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

But the long arm of the law can hide IN them

Nostrildamus February 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

More like the third leg of the law.

chascates February 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

GOOD MORNING WONKETTE JR.!!!!

And good bye Sheriff Babeu!

CivicHoliday February 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

One must wonder what took him so long to write up this particularly juicy tidbit…

Oblios_Cap February 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Sheriff Paul is just Jose's Sweet Baboo.

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I wish. As a resident of the county south of the one policed by Babeu (you know, the one that actually IS on the border), I predict this is not good-bye. This guy is a rock star in Arizona. For years he's had a publicity machine developing an image for him as the anti-Mexican Rambo. Many people are convinced that Southern Arizona would be overrun with killer Mexican drug gangs and we'd have headless bodies all over the desert if it weren't for the man they lovingly call Sheriff Paul. I doubt that his fans have much use for teh gheyz, but they have even less use for people who like to solve problems through diplomacy.

valthemus February 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

They'll support him even though he's gay and his last name sounds French? Having a big gun must really make a difference. A big, long meaty gun that… I'll stop there.

horsedreamer_1 February 20, 2012 at 7:25 pm

You know who else was from Massachusetts & Franco-American?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Pretty much all the ones who weren't Irish.

chascates February 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

He sounds more like Ernst Rohm!

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Maybe Sheriff Joe will have to take care of him on the Night of the Pink Jumpsuits.There can be only one!

Joshua Norton February 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

At least he he had the balls to admit he was gay. But he'll probably claim he never inhaled during the up-coming spin cycle.

spinozasgod February 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

and he never swallowed, also….

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 1:33 am

Kind of hard to deny it when the evidence presented by "Jose" was indisputable.

memzilla February 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

That's the Spicy Chimichanga with the Secret Santorum Filling.

RadioSBJ February 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

And a side of fetus giblets.

DaRooster February 20, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Now that's a Hot Tamale!

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Not yet, Tuesday is Red's Tamales Day.

DaRooster February 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Babeu weather report-
Chili today hot tamale.

chascates February 20, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Love the sinner, hate the clothes.

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm

It's "off the hook"!

DaRooster February 20, 2012 at 12:38 pm

"Babeu didn’t pay him for his online services, he claims."

"He said he just wanted to work it out in trade… but I can't live on massages and spooning."

Exhausted66 February 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Rough Trade is still trade.

freakishlywrong February 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

This is a delicious bowl of tortilla soup with freude schaden on top.

WiscDad February 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

freude schaden? Is that German for santorum?

freakishlywrong February 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Yes, or "Romney".

Pragmatist2 February 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Extra points for using German instead of Spanish.

lefty74 February 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

Pragmatist2 February 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

And apparently the sheriff spent some quality time looking down on the top of Jose's head

Baconzgood February 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

What the fuck is the Blue Power Ranger doing?

WiscDad February 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Looks like he's face fucking the orange TMNT Michelangelo

freakishlywrong February 20, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I was laughing about this yesterday and I told Mr. Freakish about it, and he shrugged and said: "meh, Republicans". Which, yeah.

JustPixelz February 20, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Politics does indeed make strange bedfellows. Such as when Arizona Sheriff Paul Babeu stood with John McCain to "build the danged fence" along the U.S.-Mexican border. McCain, of course, wanted to keep the illegal immigrants out. It turns out Sheriff Babeu wanted to keep his boy toy "Jose" from escaping back to Mexico.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Someone really should tell the Republicans that Politics makes strange bedfellows is just a figure of speech. (I think they have the same problem with the Constitution.)

valthemus February 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Boy Toys" are oversexed female nymphettes. "Jose" was a "Toy Boy." Let's keep things straight! —- Ya see that? Thas a pun! Wasn't that a good pun?!? I'm so freakin' witty!! I should be on TV!

chascates February 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Jose, can you see?
By the dawn's early light?

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Unless he's Jose Feliciano, yes.

Not_So_Much February 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm

That's nice with the hand in the shirt for sessy time. How long til we see the set with his hand in Jose's fly?

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Never would be too soon.

Dr_Zoidberg February 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

You know, this year the Republicans and their foibles are just the gift that keeps on giving.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm
prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:02 pm

This is just the best gif ever!

freddymcmurray February 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

buh bye Babeu

prommie February 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

If stories like this didn't happen, and Wonkette were forced to start making stuff up, this is exactly the sort of story that Wonkette would make up. Fortunately, Wonkette doesn't have to make up stories like this, because there is a constant, ongoing rich pageant of self-hating, closeted, hypocritical right-wing anti-homosexual religion and morality cheerleaders who secretly love the cock.

WiscDad February 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Stranger than fiction isn't it?

horsedreamer_1 February 20, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Get bent, law-man!

Loaded_Pants February 20, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Oh, I'm sure he's at least has gotten bent over.

SorosBot February 20, 2012 at 12:46 pm

It's getting to the point where "homophobic conservative politician / preacher is secretly gay" stories are becoming "dog bites man" stories these days.

WiscDad February 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

more like man sucks man story

Negligently_Joe February 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

In Babau's defense, there's pretty much nothing I've seen that suggests that he's been all that homophobic in public life. Just a firebrand conservative of the bigoted-against-brown-people variety. Which still makes this story hilarious, but somewhat differently so.

http://gayhomophobe.com explicitly took the position that being a Romney campaign chair tips things into the 'homophobe' category, and while I tend to agree, that's because I consider any support for the present-day Republican party to be a de facto act of homophobia, and gayhomophobe has made it a point not to stake out that position.

Goonemeritus February 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

So he wants to build the wall but include glory holes in the design?

PubOption February 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Not good politics at all. If Jose was deported he could talk to the newspapers. Better to have killed him and dumped his body in the desert, along with the hundreds of other corpses.

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Headless body, of course, since it's AZ.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

???
Not sure why that's specific to AZ.
I thought headless bodies were so that dental records couldn't be used for identification.

natoslug February 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

[NSFW (contains a facial shot of Jan Brewer)]: http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/09/jan-br

It was wonked about as well, but I'm too lazy to search for the post.

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

All the ones alleged by Gov Jan “the Finger Wagger” Brewer saw a while back.

Joshua Norton February 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

After all, he is very tough on illegal immigration,

But what he left out was that being tough included a ball gag and a safe word.

Barrelhse February 20, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Maybe they should have said he was "butch" on illegal immigration.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

"a ball gag and a safe word." I'm not sure that's a workable combo.

sharethegrief February 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

This is why you never see Babeu eat tacos.

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Or tuna.

Neoyorquino February 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

He's a Chupa Chups™ kind of guy, I think.

el_donaldo February 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Well, it's nice he's not dodging the gay label, but I can't feel bad about all the shit that's going to get dumped on him now, because, seriously, what a prick.

elburritodeluxe February 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Senator, youre one of us."
turns out he didn't mean caucasian.

edgydrifter February 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm

[COMMENT DELETED BECAUSE GOONEMERITUS BEAT ME TO IT]

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

The Sheriff is letting illegals in through the backdoor!

(Sorry, YouTube commenter, I told you I was stealin' that)

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

As shall we all, wherever we can get away with it.

prommie February 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Is this cancer-patient bullethead hairstyle a thing or something? This Jeff Gannon thing?

ttommyunger February 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Suppose to be super-macho, I'm guessing. Part of the charade.

prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Is there a difference between super-macho and butch?

ttommyunger February 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I think the former term is used by the closeted and the later by the openly gay…I know, I used it; heh, heh. Ya never know, I'm only 70, I still have time to turn to the ghey side, sadly, I would be giving nothing up.

GOPCrusher February 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

One drives a truck, the other a Subaru?

horsedreamer_1 February 20, 2012 at 7:28 pm

You know which other Massachusetts native politician drives a truck?

starfanglednut February 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm

it is indeed a style. I for one really, really miss long hair on men.

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

OT: My hair is really long now – almost past my shoulders. Why? I got tired of looking like every other shaved head homunculus out there. Same with the beard. I used to have a goatee back when only artists and gay men had them. When I started noticing that NASCAR drivers and country music stars were rockin' the 'tee I knew that, for me, the style had jumped the shark.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:38 pm

One of the things I find super attractive about my boyfriend is that he has long hair — down to the middle of his back, and strawberry blond — and a beard to match. He looks like a viking.
(sorry, guys; I just recently switched from calling him "my friend" to calling him "my boyfriend", *at his request*, and now I have Mentionitis)

starfanglednut February 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Mmm, he sounds adorable.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Oh! He is! He's awesome!
I think blond or red hair = hawt.
The first time we met, I looked him up and down, tented my fingertips a la Mr. Burns, and said, "Exxxxcellent". He laughed, because he's a big goofball like I am, and we just went from there.
He's also brainy, geeky, funny, sweet, and loves books as much as I do.
(OK, I did warn you I have "mentionitis")

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

There comes a time, for many of us, when long hair .just doesn't work.

If you can't embrace your inner Hulk Hogan, you should embrace your inner Bruce Willis. Hopefully, you don't even have an inner Paul Babeau.

(EDIT: As with all rules, Willie Nelson gets a pass.)

emmelemm February 20, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Dude, my friend used to work with a guy who had a "perfect" skullet. Seriously, the hair part was super long, and the full head-to-the-earline was perfectly shaved and gleaming. It appeared that he actually shaved the dividing line so that it was precise and straight.

His office mates called him "The Crypt-Keeper" behind his back.

Loaded_Pants February 20, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I had no idea that it was called a "skullet". But I have seen it walking about IRL & it has got the be the most disturbing hairstyle of all.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm

When cops became militarized post-9/11, it became a thing.

SheriffRoscoe February 20, 2012 at 1:23 pm

For years his hair was probably thinning. His stylist probably encouraged him to just go "with it."

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 1:52 am

I'm guessing that like sexuality, his hairstyle wasn't a choice.

tcaalaw February 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

How do you say schadenfreude in Mexican?

EDIT: Missed freakishlywrong's post above. Ah well.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

HA ha!
Oh, in Mexican?
!JA ja!

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

They met in Ought-six, huh? Coming up on that dreaded seven year itch thingy….

Callyson February 20, 2012 at 1:03 pm

That isn't where that itch came from…

horsedreamer_1 February 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Anal warts?

vtxmcrider February 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

This story is missing some santorum. Is Wonkette shying away from the buttsecks?

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Sheriff Paul likes him some creamy horchata.

Hmmm, mmm good.

lowaltflier February 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Pinal county. Really. HA! HA! These things just write themselves.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I keep reading that as Pineal County.
Hormones on the high desert.

ElPinche February 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

That Arizona law kinda makes sense now. "I pulled you over cuz you have a purty mouth , hombre."

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 1:53 am

I don't know why I found that so funny, but I don't ask too many additional questions when a good laugh happens.

PubOption February 20, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Makes me wonder about Joe Arpaio, and his pink underwear fetish.

elviouslyqueer February 20, 2012 at 12:55 pm

There's a pink underwear joke in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I can find it.

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Paul Babeu will get right on it.

HateMachine February 20, 2012 at 1:59 pm

If you can't find a pair of pink undies, I don't know what hope the rest of us have.

paris biltong February 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

After this Pineal County will need massive doses of Prozac.

Grief_Lessons February 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

And Penuel County will continue to wrestle with its religion. Penal County will remain a good plae to get a descriptive tattoo on your back, and Penile County will not really change at all.

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Florence, Pinal County seat, will continue to proudly call itself the American city with the most law enforcement personnel per capita.

weej_bain February 20, 2012 at 12:59 pm

So some santorum is leaking out onto the intertubes about Sheriff Babeu knowing all the ins and outs about getting Jose-ed.

♪♫ Jose can you sing? ♫♪
Just did. Thank you, thank you very much.

RedneckMuslin February 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Fox Chyron:

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu (D)

prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Has Babeau endorsed Santorum?

edgydrifter February 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

At least Babeu accepts his orientation. Arpaio is so deep in his drive-in closet of blustery machismo that he probably honestly considers gay sex "just messin' around with the boys."

Biff February 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Yeah, now he does.

ElPinche February 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

It's all clear now. Arpaio's tent cities are really just man-ass markets. "Thanks Sheriff, I'll take that glistening brown one, Pedro, in the pink briefs for $500."

extreme_left February 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

He has a penetrating insight into how to grapple with Illegals.

LiveToServeYa February 20, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Tough on illegal immigration? You mean he's hard on illegal immigrants.

SorosBot February 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Or illegal immigrants are hard in him.

unclejeems February 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

He has a hard on for illegal immigrants. Har, har, har!

chicken_thief February 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Apparently he isn't tired of having illegal immigrants crammed down his throat.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

That depends on your definition of "hard on".

ibwilliamsi February 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Da-BUM-pah!

Barb February 20, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Happy President's Day everyone! It is a day that will never honor Sarah Palin, so we have that going for us.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Shouldn't we all be out buying furniture or something?

Chet Kincaid February 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

May your day be filled with grinning, dancing, idiotic-looking Lincolns and Washingtons whoring for car dealers and discount appliance retailers!

prommie February 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Whats with all these sales that are only for 'whites?"

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Congress would have to re-name it "Good President's Day".

Republicans would oppose the measure.

KeepFnThatChicken February 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I don't know how to snark on a hypocrisy that really benefits our side…

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

We really should thank them.

Guppy February 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm

This isn't "President's Day," it's Pedant's Day, when every self-important know-it-all can go around telling everyone it isn't really President's Day.

prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Pedants are gonna be pedantic.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I don't wear necklaces, so how can I be pendantic?

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I'm a self-important know-it-all
(can I get a "a-Men"?)
Just not about President's Day.
So can I hang out here today, or do I actually have to find something constructive to do?

slithytoves February 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Hey everyone – you know what? It's not really President's Day.

Geminisunmars February 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

How come?

slithytoves February 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

It's just officially called "Washington's Birthday" according to section 6103(a) of title 5 of the U.S. Code.

And I wouldn't have done that if Guppy hadn't set me up!

Geminisunmars February 20, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I was blissful in my innocence.

Guppy February 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And the traditional holiday video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7iVsdRbhnc

prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Go gyre and gymbal somewhere.

slithytoves February 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Love me some gyring – gymbaling, not so much.

AnAmericanInTO February 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Here in Canukistan, it's Family Day where you presumably spend the day indoors with your family and realize why you don't do this every day.

Guppy February 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Are the liquor stores still open?

AnAmericanInTO February 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Sorry, nope. You had to plan ahead on Saturday to stock up on 2-4s.

Blueb4sunrise February 20, 2012 at 1:06 pm

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Was internet-less for four days and this story was tops in the inbox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I trust that nothing else of note happened.

UW8316154 February 20, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Of note: We hit 2,000 plus comments on the Friday afternoon thread ~

Beowoof February 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I am just loving the schadenfreude.

BarackMyWorld February 20, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Teabaggers be teabaggin'.

DahBoner February 20, 2012 at 1:11 pm

ICE, ICE, baby…

Guppy February 20, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"The latest of the alleged threats were made through Babeu’s personal attorney"

Seriously? Who'd he hire to represent him, Orly Taitz?

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Tighter…wetter…crazier…and totally disinterested.

LetUsBray February 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Let me feeeneesh! Let me feeeneesh!!!!

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"Sorry, Oily. But you're so tight, wet, and crazy that I already shot my load. Napping now."

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

That's Orly "Snot Otter" Taitz *
Please make a note of it.

*ref. Dr Ozark Z Hellbender

ghostchildd88 February 20, 2012 at 1:12 pm

This wonkette article or writer seems to be taking shots at gay people also, by suggesting same sex attraction always comes down to 'sdmy'…you know, the typical West boro baptize church type of suggestions…

I mean I can understand going after the sheriff for doing what he did, but why go out of your way to degrade people in same sex relationship?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 20, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Just for the record, apart from allowing right-wing haters to assume that he agreed with them on everything, did Babeu ever actually state anti-gay policy positions? I don't mind calling him a slimy hypocrite, but it would be nice to have an accurate sense of the depth of his hypocrisy. I mean, are we talking ankle-deep, or knee-deep in hypojizz?

BarackMyWorld February 20, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Hypocrisy not for the gayness, but for his…um…position on immigrants, so to speak.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Yay! A new thread!
*stomp stomp stomp*
*prance prance prance*
*bound bound bound*
It's just like new snow!

Barrelhse February 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Punchline: It was Pat's handwriting.

fuflans February 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

thank god. i have several people i want to respond to but can't begin to find their comments in that monster thread.

ttommyunger February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Now he's saying he was victimized by a priest for years, starting at age 11. Somehow, I don't doubt that in the least, but I think he owes it to other youngsters to name names. Full disclosure, asshole; you've kept your secrets far too long. BTW, Walnuts is asking for a presumption of innocence for "his friend". Fucking amazing!

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Yes, the priest thing is another reason why I don't think this incident will really prove to be all that scandalous for the sheriff. All the enforcement-obsessed Mexican haters down here are using that as the reason it's OK to keep around a gay person they would normally have shunned. "It's not his fault he's gay," is a sentence I'm hearing around here a lot. Teh ghey is a disease one catches from Catholics, dint ya know?

ttommyunger February 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

But hypocrisy, that is transmitted by contact with Republicans, right?

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Which is why I have special disdain for Catholic Republicans.I fail to believe Jesus would have approved of the GOP.

ttommyunger February 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm

…or the Roman Catholic Church, for that matter.

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Another one? Will these be a weekly occurrence, then?

Some day, Rick Santorum will be found by the Police passed out on top of an underage male Dominican prostitute in a motel room in Breezewood, PA, surrounded by empty Amyl Nitrate poppers, crushed tubes of K-Y, frighteningly large Rubber Protuberances, a latex Gorilla mask and an 8 X 10 color photo of Breitbart and Riley.

And I will Laugh.

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

P for the Breezewood reference. Made nationally famous by Dr. Thompson, but previously a legend to those of us who grew up in Pittsburgh.

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Thanks! It sure sounds like a pretty place but… eeeech.

The Good Doctor also made famous the improbably-named Pennsylvania town of Jersey Shore.

C_R_Eature February 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Well, I was searching for Snark Ammunition to beat up on Breezewood with, but I had to abandon the project when I found This: The Best Yelp Review Ever, End Of Story.

Seriously, this has to be seen to be believed. I am in Awe.
I wonder if he's one of us?

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2012 at 11:09 pm

"… through pluck or cabal, you have survived …"

I vote for cabal. And I'd put money on the fact that the owner of the Family House is part of it. Maybe the author was on his way to Pittsburgh for the University's renowned writing program. I once had a poet literally kowtow to me when I mentioned I was from Pittsburgh. "It's the poetry capital of America," he gasped. Would he have had the nerve to say that had someone from Iowa City been present?

leek801 February 21, 2012 at 9:26 am

Don't be talking smack about Breezewood, man.

BarackMyWorld February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

New campaign slogan:
Illegal Immigrants Suck.

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm

If you treat them right and/or threaten them with deportation.

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

In fairness to Walnuts, Miss Lindsey vetted Babeau back in '08. She said he was "very butch," which did not mean what Walnuts thought it meant.

Pres.Beeblebrox February 20, 2012 at 1:16 pm

In other Republican gay news,

Santorum Tops Romney in National Poll

At least that was the headline when I clicked on it.

Funny, I would have guessed Mitt was a pitcher, not a catcher.

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 11:32 pm

It's good to see things coming to a head!

KeepFnThatChicken February 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm

On the brighter side, no anchor babies.

Too soon?

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

The person in the lower left corner of the illustration has beautiful green eyes.
They've got an eagle nose, though.

Steverino247 February 20, 2012 at 1:18 pm

You know, the civil rights violation trial (abuse under color of authority) should feature some really interesting testimony. And if that's not a crime, what about forcing a domestic partner to stay in an abusive relationship by threats like deportation. I'd love to be running against this asshole in a congressional election.

SorosBot February 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Indeed, a lot of abusive guys go after foreign woman because they can use their immigration status as a threat to force the women to stay with them; that a gay abusive douchbag would do the same is not that surprising I guess.

Loaded_Pants February 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

When I first heard of this story, I had the horrifying thought that who knows what sort of awful things "Jose" may have had to do under threat of deportation.

FakaktaSouth February 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm

What up with the self hating Mexican dude though? I have never had a guy that absolutely fucking hates women so much they have made a career out of it (ie, a Catholic priest or Republican Presidential candidate or something) hit on me, but if they did, I would tell them no thank you. But otherwise, this (mccain commercial affiliation) has made my day. I will raise my President's Day/Kid's 5th birthday margarita in your honor Jose, and hope your next bf likes you in public.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

5 years old? Time to hit the want ads, for the jerbs.

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I trust you won't let your child grow up to be a president. It's not something a completely sane person would want as a career (sorry Hopey, but you do have father issues, like most of them).

FakaktaSouth February 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I think her father is way too involved and interested in her well being for her to make it to the presidency. None of my 3 kids are probably going to do much as far as trying to prove anything to anybody. We've been WAY too free with the bullshit love and care for you just cause your ours nonsense. They'll probably all be really self satisfied failures like their stay at home Mom (if they can find somebody with some cash to support them though, it works out! And that's MOSTLY the same as running for Pres at least! So, hooray!)

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 6:36 pm

You're doing what I call God's work, not that crap Santorum claims is God's work.Your children will be intelligent, fulfilled, and no doubt vote for good public servants.What more could their fellow Americans want from them … and you.

Arken February 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

http://gayhomophobe.com/ is a handy reference for these scandals.

starfanglednut February 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Oh, please. Wake me when a heterosexual, faithful to his wife, non tax cheating, drug free, non illegal immigrant hiring, non racist, non corporate cock sucking whore republican proposes legislation that will lead to actual jobs rather than the oppression of women, the blahs, browns,gheyz, and the poor and/ or bombing brown people.

Geminisunmars February 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Get ready for a nice long nap.

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

What do you think this is, land of the free, home of the brave?

MrsBiggTime February 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Oh, Arizona! You're dangerous with all your crazy and you just can't keep a secret, but… Why can't I quit you?

SheriffRoscoe February 20, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Complete the danged blowjob.

prommie February 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I am hearing the Soft Cel version, "Babeu, Babeu, where did our love go. . . ."

Dashboard Buddha February 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

You know…he looks a lot like Rick Scott. Say, you don't think…

Biff February 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Busy day at the Walker Recall dungeon.

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Why is everyone naked?

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

"Bald-Headed Babeu, King of the Plookers!"

HarryButtle February 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Protruberences? Plookers? You've been hangin' around Joe's Garage, haven't you?

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

It's a Way of Life. Moo-Ah.

Reet-toot-teet-toot-teet-toot-tee-too-tee-too-tee!

Biff February 20, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Where's my Stratocaster with a whammy bar?

UnholyMoses February 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Two thoughts:

1. Good to see Wonkette covering buttsechs again, if in a slightly different … manner.

2. When did Arizona become the Kansassippi of the Southwest? Or has it always been like that and I just missed it?

SorosBot February 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I think it's the Florida of the West Coast, similarly filed with crazed retired old people. Plus there's the heat; it brings out the crazy.

UnholyMoses February 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Hmmm … I like the idea of West Florida(TM).

Also, too: Perhaps the lack of humidity dries out their brains (well, what they have of them) in Arizona, while the high humidity in Florida makes their brains rot.

Seasons — More important than realized!

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Love that West Florida … I'm stealin' that.

Antispandex February 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Arizona is much different. In the south, when you are butt pumping your "boyfriend", you have an actual gun to his head. Not a deportation order. That's red state romance.

sezme February 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Today we are all ostensibly straight guys with an unquenchable thirst for the semen of illegal Mexican men. Or is that just Rick Perry?

mavenmaven February 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I can hear his mother going "and you couldn't just find a nice boy at CPAC?"
At any rate, the worst part of this story is this prick trying to deport his partner. What a prick. A lying GOP homophobe prick.

mavenmaven February 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Wow, times have changed, just went through all the comments and there's not a single Marcus Bachmann reference!

fuflans February 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm

closeted husband of irrelevant hasbeen is irrelevant.

Lambchop66 February 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

How do you say "I will suck you off as needed" in Spanish?

CivicHoliday February 20, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Rick Perry has dibs on sloppy seconds

EloquentScience February 20, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Never send a Sheriff to do a Mexican's job.

Antispandex February 20, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Hmmm…I'm wondering how long it will be until the, "this type of digging into ones personal sex life is what is wrong with American politics, and makes people not want to be part of the process", stories start to appear. Because everyone knows your sex life should be personal…if you are a Teapublican. Right, Newt?

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It already started, five minutes after the story broke. And five minutes after that the "It's not his fault he was molested by a priest" meme put a bow on their excuse … dare I say … package.

rickmaci February 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

This is just another story about a sleeze ball TeaTard. He was running against an incumbent RepTard and did not have a chance in hell of getting elected. His failed campaign won't change the congressional map or have any impact on the general election. Move along folks, keep moving, nothing to see here…

C_R_Eature February 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm

All right…the Sheriff is a hypocrite, but at least he isn't Near.

owhatever February 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Sheriff Paul: Where were you at 2 a.m. on the night of June 13?
Jose: Dancing with you at El Matador, Paul. Don't you remember? Cry.

missemish February 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

In a perfect world Santorum would get caught in a scandal just like Babeu, except his would be with a male Arab atheist evolutionary anthropologist.

fuflans February 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

that would be fine, but not til after the convention.

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I am half those things, but would not touch santorum with a ten-foot suction tube.

Negligently_Joe February 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

It's worth pointing out that under Arizona's SB 1070, Babeu would have been required by law to verify Jose's immigration status while picking him up. And, also, too, any resident of Arizona can sue the county and state for his failing to do so (hint, hint).

FlipOffResearch February 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Ha ha, I just searched Drudge for the name Babeu, and nothing came up. So I helpfully sent the link to this post to his tip jar.

arihaya February 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Sheriff Babeu just trying to prove his hard stance on illegal immigrants

… hard, wide stance

Jukesgrrl February 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You'd think this Babeu story would be big news in Southern Arizona's largest newspaper, but meh. Today's Arizona Daily Star has it in the far bottom corner. The big headline is, "Supersized Ants Provide Evolutionary Clues." No shit.

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 2:01 am

Evolution?! Blasphemy!

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2012 at 6:49 am

I didn't read the article … maybe the clue is “no such thing.”Not that it would surprise me.

fuflans February 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

god. just watching 15 seconds of walnuts was too much.

how did we make it thru 2008? oh right. wonkette and alcohol.

Juicy_Stalin February 20, 2012 at 4:29 pm

That's one job I'm glad the Mexicans are stealing…

valthemus February 20, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Once again the lefty lib elites are bleating about "Hypocrisy!" an' some junk and completely overlooking the vital significance of the Sheriff's core message: "I look pretty damn fine wearing nothing but pair of boxer shorts!"

poorgradstudent February 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Crap like this makes me want to do a remake of CALIGULA, but with members of our current imperial court instead.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Babeu is on deck at CNN, should be interesting to see how he gets along with teh Wolf.

deanbooth February 20, 2012 at 6:24 pm

No way!

NYNYNYjr February 20, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Original end to that video:
Barbeau: Senator, you're one of us.
McCain: Yes, a sodomite.
Barbeau: This is where the holes are, Senator. [They both approach fence and stick their dicks through the holes.]
Voiceover: I'm John Mccain and I approve this message

Of course, that made the ad 45 seconds and they needed to cut it to 30, so they just put a freeze fram after 'one of us'

a_pink_poodle February 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Is anyone really surprised that a right-winger is secretly gay? The sky is blue, water is wet, prominent right-wingers are secretly gay!

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Yes, but it is the triple-lutz of him being "strongly" anti-immigrant that raises it to a higher aesthetic plain.

horsedreamer_1 February 20, 2012 at 7:33 pm

(Hit me…) Babeu, one more time.

Veritas78 February 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Okay, now we're making up shit to feel good about ourselves and our chances.

miss_grundy February 20, 2012 at 9:12 pm

How would you pronounce Pinal, would it be penal or penile??????????

littlebigdaddy February 20, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I keep thinking pineal, as in Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

KenLayIsAlive February 20, 2012 at 9:46 pm

build the dang fence around my butthole!

Loaded_Pants February 20, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Probably were some small holes.

5thstate February 20, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Yeah but…."won't somebody please think about the fence!"

I mean really!

PERSPECTIVE, people!

Deep Authoritative Voice Over Closing Credits: Sherriff Barbaeaus gay mexican lover remains at-large, but like John' McCains "danged fence", THIS professional law enforcement officer wont rest until he sees his gay mexican lover is deprted as effectively and all the other mexican gay lovers obviously are, otherwise there'd be a lot more of this kind of thing going on….and…ummm….yeah this series has run its course…othing to see folks, move along now…just move along…don;t make me use the pepper spary!.

Negropolis February 21, 2012 at 2:02 am

I do not even want to imagine what Jan Brewer's gay sex scandal will look like…

johnnyzhivago February 21, 2012 at 7:07 am

Pretty soon "straight Republican" is going to be a common oxymoron like"military intelligence" or "jumbo shrimp"

johnnyzhivago February 21, 2012 at 7:13 am

In the ad, Sheriff Paul seems pretty hot over the idea of bringing "troops" into his county, but wasn't DADT still in effect then???

johnnyzhivago February 21, 2012 at 7:27 am

All the deputies were getting suspicious when Babeu picked "Cats" as the prison musical this year.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Let's not forget everybody's favorite!

emmelemm February 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Damn! Original gangsta skullet!

jus_wonderin February 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

"A cock a day, keeps the _____________ away."

SexySmurf February 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Designer_Rants February 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Here's as close as I've seen: http://gayhomophobe.com/

Barb February 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

(menstrual cycle)

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

craving?

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

boredom

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

lesbians

SorosBot February 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

At least if Santorum gets his way and basic preventive medical care is denied to women.

Mojopo February 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Just bookmarked it. I get tired of counting. This could be an app I would buy.

Designer_Rants February 20, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Oops, I see you beat me to it by a minute.

tessiee February 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

but you're such a good listener!
…At least I assume you are, from your avatar picture.

doloras February 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

If the submissive partner is gagged, one may let them hold a bunch of keys or similar, and the "safe word" is dropping the keys. Er, so I'm told.

Biff February 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Good for you! I can't expect everyone to be miserable like me!

starfanglednut February 20, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Mentionitis? Is that the thing where you have a ringing in your ears all the time? doesn't it clear up with a course of antibiotics?

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2012 at 6:54 am

WHAT?!You don't like Prada slippers??

ttommyunger February 21, 2012 at 7:01 am

No, but the Big Hat is way cool!

tessiee February 21, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Mentionitis is the thing where one person *has* it, and *everybody else* has a ringing in *their* ears all the time, because the person with mentionitis can't shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend/job/car/kid/whatever.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

You can learn a lot on the internet, I know … but that's starting to sound like expertise.

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