god knows how much this cost

FBI Breaks Up Latest Terrorist Plot That It Created

In a super-neato sting operation today, the FBI totally intercepted a Muslim Terrorist wearing a suicide bomb vest en route to the Capitol, to blow it up. Sucker! Caught you! Go eat an Abortionplex-sized bag of dicks, guy! (But really, thank you for taking all of the pretend bombs our agents gave you and going with them on field trips to test explosives and all the other things we tricked you into doing so we could arrest you.)

The FBI is masterful when it comes to thwarting their own baroque terrorist plots in dramatic fashion at the very last minute, just as their scripts instruct them to do. The Feds found today’s lucky arrestee, a 29-year-old Moroccan, about a year ago and thought, Sure, this one looks Muslim enough to me, he’ll do… now let’s start brainstorming a plot and getting him all the fake bombs and training and support he needs so we can arrest him in a year.

(WASHINGTON) — A 29-year-old Moroccan man was arrested Friday near the U.S. Capitol as he was planning to detonate what he thought was a suicide vest, given to him by FBI undercover operatives, said police and government officials.
Amine El Khalifi of Alexandria, Va., was taken into custody with an inoperable gun and inert explosives, according to a counterterrorism official.

El Khalifi expressed interest in killing at least 30 people and considered targeting a building in Alexandria and a restaurant, synagogue and a place where military personnel gather in Washington before he settled on the Capitol after canvassing that area a couple of times, the counterterrorism official said. During the investigation, the official said, El Khalifi went with undercover operatives to a quarry in the Washington area to detonate explosives.

El Khalifi came to the U.S. when he was 16 years old and is unemployed and not believed to be associated with al-Qaeda. He had been under investigation for about a year and had overstayed his visitor visa for years, according to the counterterrorism official and a government official briefed on the matter who spoke on a condition of anonymity because the investigation is ongoing.

Two people briefed on the matter told The Associated Press he was not arrested on the Capitol grounds, and the FBI has had him under surveillance around the clock for several weeks.

The Washington Post has an especially chilling anecdote indicating nothing, from the Terrorist’s ex-landlord:

He said he evicted Khalifi about a year ago.

“He was suspicious,” said Dynda. “He was getting mysterious packages labeled “book,” but I didn’t think there were books in them.”

Savvy eye, Dynda. There weren’t any books in there. Those packages were filled with all of the cool terrorist presents that the FBI kept sending him.

All in all, another magnificent production — four stars. Will this be the year that the FBI *finally* wins that Best Director statuette it’s coveted for so long? Ugh, let’s not get into studio politics…

Uh oh! Is the fake terrorist scaring you, teevee flaphead?

Children are so impressionable.

[AP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    Team America! Fuck yeah!

    • http://wonkette.com Chillwillard

      Save the motherfuckin' day, yeah!

    • fuflans

      freedom isn't free.

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        It's fries.

    • Not_So_Much

      "So lick mah ass and suck on MY ballz!"

    • MinAgain

      We vow that we will leave no man behind!

      The women OTOH are on their own.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Kenyan…Moroccan. They all look alike Obama!

  • MissTaken

    Fahrenheit 911
    The temperature at which logic burns.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Hope you're taking an appropriate trot around the bases. Good arm extension, hands back, hit it clear out of the park.

    • SorosBot

      I think most of us have gotten over that insanity – including most of the actual New Yorkers who were directly affected – but the paranoia of law enforcement and the professional bigots in the media and politics has yet to subside.

      • MissTaken

        Hey FBI! This guy wasn't a terrorist until YOU made him one. Entrapment, it sucks!

        • SorosBot

          Yeah, but it seems he might have thought about it before they entrapped him. It's nice living in a country where thoughtcrime is a real, arrestable offense!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        It's not paranoia, it's job security.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        The problem is ever since poor insane people (tip: all insane people are poor. If a rich person is insane, they're called "eccentric") were declared #WelfareQueens, the funding for insane people dried up. But ever since 9/11/2001, funding for "Counter Terrorism" knows no bounds. When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. When all you have is counter-terrorism funding, every disturbed person looks like a terrorist, and should be developed as such.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    In my day we had terrorists hold the bomb between their knees – it was economical and just as effective.

    • NellCote71

      Were they the same ones training to be jihadists Latin American countries?

  • http://wonkette.com Chillwillard

    "Amine El Khalifi of Alexandria, Va."

    Virgina is for Bombers.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    J. Edgar Hoover has just wet his oh so heavenly mesh stockings all over with this one. Eliot Ness, however, may be eating his harp.

  • meatlofer

    "Oh Dana don't be scared…..here, get under my desk."

    • flamingpdog

      DUCK … and COWER COVER!

    • Angry_Marmot

      I'm guessing that would soothe you more than Dana.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Meatlofer is actually John King.

        • Negropolis

          Puh-leeze. The only way John King finds sexual pleasure is when he's in front of a camera or mirror.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This FBI plan to open "Build a Bomb Workshops" in shopping malls near heavilly Muslim populations is going a bit to far.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Too bad he doesn't have the rights of a zygote. He'll just get sent to Gitmo.

  • http://wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Note all muslin kids out there: there is no such thing as a "Free FBI Chemistry Lab Kit."

  • neiltheblaze

    I sure am glad the FBI is out there protecting us from themselves.

  • sezme

    This is like that time God had a human give birth to His son so that He could be executed so that we could be saved. Worked for Him.

    • LagunaB

      Aspirin does not work in immaculate conception. And the rest was also totally unplanned.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Unmentioned in the Bible is that Christ had a target-shaped birthmark ala The Far Side.

  • Wonderthing

    The Gang That Couldn't Frame Straight.

  • fartknocker

    Twitter is truly a tool of retards.

  • Joshua Norton

    FBI To Do List:

    1. Watch all the "White Collar" episodes on USA Network.
    2. Steal those ideas.

  • SorosBot

    Are they sure El Khalifi wasn't himself an FBI agent seeking to entrap the wanna-be terrorists the other FBI agents were pretending to be, too?

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      El Khalifi was clearly an NSA plant, in deep cover trying to frame the CIA in order to discredit Obama.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Thursday, is that you?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Reading Dana's twat quickly I though she was tweeting something about fisting, which is kind of what the FBI did to that poor sap.

  • axmxz

    Agents provocateurs FTW.

    • tessiee

      Upfisted solely for correct pluralization.

      • axmxz

        You can take it away – even though I know French passing well, the reflex to Google it proved impossible to fight.

        • LiveToServeYa

          But what of the Agents Provocateuse? The FBI is an equal-opportunity destroyer.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Special Agents provocateurs.

  • Mahousu

    Amine El Khalifi of Alexandria, Va., was taken into custody with an inoperable gun and inert explosives …

    "Inoperable"? Wait a second, what about our Second Amendment rights? We demand the right to be framed with real weapons!

  • rickmaci

    In other news, FBI Director Rube Goldberg today announced the Bureau had located Bigfoot hiding in a forest near Spokane, Washington with a Yeti terrorist cell.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Damn–I get packages in the mail marked "Book". Just waiting for a jihadist group to ask me to blow some shit up with explosives they will be nice enough to furnish.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      I get downloads on my e-reader labeled "Book," but god only KNOWS what deviltry is really in those files.

  • nounverb911

    Was he wearing a glitter bomb vest?

  • fuflans

    newell brings back the evil clown in a trunk.

    • CapnFatback

      Trunk, nothing. That's one of them there gutterclowns.

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        Usually I hate YouTube comments. But once in a while they don't suck. The top-rated comment on this clip is one of the latter: "I just showed this to my kids then I made them go to bed."

        • CapnFatback

          I noticed that when I linked. I went to upfist it but decided to save my fisting for a Wonketeer instead.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    a little scary sitting here right now in the same country as stupidhead dana bash

  • MissTaken

    Books are bad, mmkay?

    • HistoriCat

      Books go hand-in-hand with learning – and we all know where that leads!

      • neiltheblaze

        It's potentially explosive.

      • SorosBot

        It can lead to believing in the science even when it contra-dicks the Bih-ble!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        It leads to Occupy the Library.

  • Callyson

    Frank Dynda, a retired patent attorney, told The Washington Post that he rented an apartment in Arlington to a Bulgarian woman who said she was married to Khalifi but that she “mysteriously disappeared” while living with him there.
    JFC, I hope she is OK, but I don't have a good feeling about her likely fate…

    • Negropolis

      You mean that she moved back home with her parents, right?

  • MissTaken

    I'm more scared of clowns than I am of brown people with "book".

    • GhostBuggy

      Yeah, but the FBI scares both browns and terrible clown monsters.

    • SorosBot

      What about a clown riding a ski lift?

      • MissTaken

        FUCK YOU, SOROS!

        • SorosBot

          Sorry; I'll give you a hug to make up for that.

          • flamingpdog

            I'll give you 20 bucks if you tell us Wonketeers what that was all about.

          • MissTaken

            SB knows that I fear three things: clowns, ski lifts, and carrots.

            Thankfully he didn't mention the carrots, but only because he's hoping for a blowjob.

          • SorosBot

            Oh now you're taking my 20 bucks!

            (nah actually I figure it's not my place to reveal that)

          • flamingpdog

            May I deliver your 20 dollars personally, little MissT?

            *steam starts coming out of the Bot's ear holes*

  • littlebigdaddy

    Enough with the circuses…how bout some bread?

    • SorosBot

      When do we get to feed the Christians to the lions?

      • LagunaB

        That was my favorite game growing up!
        But we threw protestants. Catholic school builds good morals.

    • Negropolis

      Marie Antoinette is on her way, don't you worry.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The FBI had a "buy one bomb, get one free" sale/sting at the Fairlane Mall in Dearborn, MI where lots of Muslims live–and they are not only Muslims but ARAB Muslims so you know they are dangerous–but it was overrun with Michigan Militia so they couldn't arrest anyone.

  • bumfug

    Just in time for the buildup to a useless war against Iran.

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      Yeah, who's the staff writer who came up with "Morocco"?? let's get a little focus around here.

      • bumfug

        They're all Ay-rabs to Americans, one's as good as the other.

      • flamingpdog

        Hey, there's already enough picking on of staff writers around here. CUT IT OUT!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Pssss. Hey, Landlord. Ben Franklin said you could get books and stuff shipped for one third the regular Post Office price if you print "Books" on the package. It's how the olds used to get their porn before they figured out the intertubes.

  • MinAgain

    It would have been a lot funnier, if the FBI had let him try to set off the bomb and caught his reaction on hidden camera. That's an AFV prize winner, right there.

  • chascates

    <alt text>Dick Cheney is still watching you.

  • coolhandnuke

    …“He was suspicious,” said Dynda. “He was getting mysterious packages labeled “book,” but I didn’t think there were books in them.”

    Another bureaucratic FBI typo. The package should have read "boom."

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      I have a gub.

    • Negropolis

      Worked for Wylie Coyote. Well, "worked" in that it failed every time.

  • reginagreene

    Huh…..weird. Just checking out the picture accompanying this story. Is that Carrot Top checking out butts from the storm drain on my street? Or is that an FBI undercover agent cleverly disguised as Carrot Top? Either way I'm uneasy. But I guess we need to remain vigilant, even if it brings Carrot Top into our storm drains.

    • tessiee

      No, the monster in the picture is marginally less terrifying than Carrot Top.

      • reginagreene

        But you will have to admit that Carrot Top might very well end up in my storm drain at some point, or at least mugging at me outside my kitchen window some morning while I'm struggling to toast an Eggo. Dudes like Carrot Top, Santorum, they don't respect boundaries.

  • GhostBuggy

    Oh, shut the fuck up, Dana Bash.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Book 'em, Dan-o.

  • MissTaken

    My name's Dana Bash and I sure hope the brown man with the toy suicide vest doesn't mess my hair up when it doesn't go *boom*.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Even more chilling? The Washington Post has identified that the man was "an illegal immigrant from Northern Virginia." The Arlington Jihad for More Whole Foods perhaps?

    • Swampgas_Man

      We must stop these invaders from Northern Virginia!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Yeah, that's a great narrative, but really, when does Dudley Do Right ride through the scene on his horse backwards?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      He wouldn't dare.

  • Antispandex

    “He was suspicious,” said Dynda. “He was getting mysterious packages labeled “book,” but I didn’t think there were books in them.”

    Thank GOD they weren't books! …and besides when ever someone suspects there is something odd in your mail, it's probably true. I think it's about time we recruited kids to tell us what their parents are REALLY up to. Easier that way.

    • SorosBot

      Once all the kids' of the Party members have joined the Spies, they'll be able to route out any thoughtcrime and catch any parents who are working with Emmanuel Goldstein.

  • user-of-owls

    GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH THIS COST

    You should be ashamed of yourself, Jim, trying to put a price on fear there.

    • poorgradstudent

      Don't knock justifying more funding by creating the problems you fix 'till you tried it.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Good to hear from you Owls.

      • user-of-owls

        Thanks neighbor!

  • Chichikovovich

    “He was suspicious,” said Dynda. “He was getting mysterious packages labeled “book,” but I didn’t think there were books in them.”

    "And even the one time he did get a book in the mail", she continued, leaning forward and lowering her voice "it wasn't even in English.

    • tessiee

      *gasp!*

      It was probably the Torah, or the Koran, or something!
      Guilty, guilty, guilty!

      • Chichikovovich

        Frankly I won't feel safe until every Moroccan who gets a copy of L'Anglais pour les Nuls or other incriminating literature is behind bars.—

  • EatsBabyDingos

    In related news, shares in Amalgamated Magnetic Car Flags, Inc. rose sharply in patriotic response.

  • user-of-owls

    Ha ha, joke's on you, G-men! This dude could waltz straight into the White House on a third party ticket right now, given the approval ratings of Congress.

  • sati_demise

    "He had been under investigation for about a year and had overstayed his visitor visa for years, according to the counterterrorism official and a government official briefed on the matter who spoke on a condition of anonymity "

    OK illegals, if you have overstayed your visa do not get involved with the FBI.
    Getting deported is much nicer than going to Max Sec jail for life.

    • tessiee

      I read that as "Mac Sex" jail, which doesn't sound too bad.

  • mavenmaven

    Did Jack Bauer arrest him? I think only fictional characters should be allowed to arrest fake terrorists.

    • tessiee

      Then in this case, the appropriate character would surely be Inspector Clouseau.

    • horsedreamer_1

      You mean, Kiefer Sutherland, the Canadian socialist? Hell, he was prolly hoping Amine could pull it off.

  • user-of-owls

    After he spends about 432 years in Guantanamo, El Khalifi is ultimately going to get the last laugh, when at his parole hearing he shouts out,

    Judge, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, Amine, Amine, Amine, I'm sittin' here on the bench, Amine I'm sittin here on the Group W bench…

    And everyone will get the joke because by that time the national anthem will be Alice's Restaurant. In about 432 years.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    With all these arrests, aren't we feeling safer?

    I'm sure any day now, the government will give us our civil rights back.
    ~

    • tessiee

      yeah, and the jerbs, don't forget the jerbs.

  • flamingpdog

    “He was suspicious,” said Dynda. “He was getting mysterious packages labeled “book,” but I didn’t think there were books in them.”

    So, the landlord figured out the FBI "book" scam? Talk about a tattered cover!

  • user-of-owls

    "So a restaurant, synagogue and a place where military personnel gather in a bar…stop me if you've heard this one before…"

  • Crank_Tango

    Wow dude, if you want to kill 30 people, you don't need the FBI, you need the NRA. Sucker.

    Gun show libel!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    What a day for our defenders. This FBI sting, and out in LA, a pair of F 16s helped Marine One and Hopey catch a plane with 40 pounds of weed on board. It is so totally comforting going into the scary weekend that we are safe from the terrors. Now, if we could just be made safe from Contraceptivetards, Teapatooties, and Frothy fundaments.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Obama is using Marine One to lure drug runners to him, and then ordering the Air Force to arrest these guys? Dude is so badass. Let's see Romney top that.

      • flamingpdog

        Barry's just practicing up to play the part of Lincoln Hayes in the TV revival of the Mod Squad.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Now, there's a really stupid weed-runner.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Well it's also not likely the FeeBee's suicide bomber will be getting his Phi Beta Kappa key anytime soon.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Alpha of Morocco?

    • LiveToServeYa

      Way to ruin Hopey's score, Mr. Air Reservists.

  • Goonemeritus

    Dana Bash is scared of one Moroccan with a vest. Why when I was her age shoe banging dictators had function nuclear arsenals pointed at us and all we had for protection was the onions we wore on our belts.

    • tessiee

      And the aspirins they handed out in sex education class.

  • user-of-owls

    Isn't it rather telling that the only person the FBI could sucker into this little scam was a guy so dumb that he needs labels to remind him what ordinary objects are called.

    At this rate, for the next knucklehead they'll have to write "box" on the box next time they mail him "book."

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      And poop on the top of the throne seat and piddle on the bottom?

      • user-of-owls

        I don't know about the poop label. If our erstwhile Mad Bomber reads it upside down he might sit around all day waiting for a guy to pop up outta the toilet.

    • not that Dewey

      Poor guy just emigrated from Macondo. It's a cultural thing.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    And your desks. Duck and cover libel!

    • flamingpdog

      Penguin and cover?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'm not going to tolerate anyone calling Chris Christie a fat dumb bastard here.

    It's Governor Fat Dumb Bastard to all of you.

    • tessiee

      I'm always happy to call Chris "Baccala" Christie Governor Fat Dumb Bastard.
      Is he mentioned in the story, or was your comment just sort of a general observation?

  • C_R_Eature

    This shows that the system is working!
    Amine El Khalifi was brought to Justice by the FBI's Counterterrorist Division, Operations II Branch, Weapons of Mass Destruction and Domestic Terrorism (WMD/DT) section, Office of Patsy Recruitment, Sideshow Section (OPR/SS).

    I feel safe. Don't you?

  • Slim_Pickins

    FBI! FBI! FBI! I am surprised that they didn't let him try to enter the Capitol, "to test security." What's the risk, after all, when he's your bitch from the beginning?

    • flamingpdog

      They were afraid that if they let him into the Capitol building that Dana Bash would go off the deep end with fear and spontaneously assplode herself.

  • BlueStateLibel

    This is starting to get really, really lame, FBI… you're going to be giving ideas to the local cops about increasing their DUIs. But of course all the good boys and girls on Wonkette still love you, many kisses.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    I find this story difficult to masturbate to.

    • tessiee

      The picture's not helping any, either.

    • Negropolis

      And "fizz" goes the dynamite.:(

  • jeffreyimm

    It is absolutely wrong to blame the FBI based on the terrorist plots of others.
    Those who seek to commit crime and violence, do so based on hatred.
    Stopping their acts of crime and violence is an essential part of a cohesive society and most importantly preventing their identity group from being slurred by such extremists.
    Do you think it will help our human rights and civil rights by NOT stopping such individuals? Such extremists are the true adversaries of Muslims and of our law-abiding fellow human beings everywhere.

  • poorgradstudent

    It's not inviting Germans to settle territory within your borders in exchange for promises of military service, sure, but this is as good a sign for the decline of our empire as any.

  • biblioteq_tress

    Why go to all this trouble when they could just slip the terrorist a roofie? Same result.

    • tessiee

      They only do that to the really attractive terrorists.

  • Franknflower

    Fox News makes it sound like he was a real terrorist.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They have to have something to fill the hours before spring break starts and they can plaster TV screens with pictures from the wet T-shirt contests that are ruining The Future of America® (or da yutes, as they are known in New Jersey).

      • tessiee

        Speakiing of terrorists, and New Jersey, does anybody remember the episode of the Sopranos where somebody said on the news that they couldn't possibly check all the containers that came into U.S. ports. By the time the story got repeated a few times, it had morphed into, "They caught some terrorist guy sneaking into the ports in one'a' those containers".
        Possibly the inspiration for this rather lame sting?

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Was it an official Santorum Campaign sweater suicide bomb vest, with the logo and all? I mean, the world IS getting just that weird.

  • James Michael Curley

    Rodney Alcala played the entire album at his sentencing hearing last year.

  • tessiee

    I see a mandatory ultrasound in that poor bastard's immediate future.

  • tessiee

    I'm finding this picture exceedingly difficult…
    *sigh*
    You know, god dammit, if you wanted to run a picture of Tim Curry, you COULD have run one of him looking hot in a pair of seamed fishnets.

  • WiscDad

    Yeah…when I read this today I thought to myself…'now THERE'S an opportunity for a good teevee lawyer'…and Dana Bash is like Skeletor…right?

  • Sassomatic

    I wonder how annoyed Al-Queda is that the FBI is so much better than them at recruiting and training terrorists. It must be how a guy feels when his ex-girlfriend is banging hotter chicks than he is.

  • Negropolis

    I guess the FBI was beginning to feel a little left out with all this talk of birth control, and China and deficit and whatnot.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Well, yeah, it's entrapment and entrapment is kind of an evil tactic, especially when used against druggies or people with alternative sexual lifestyles, but if somebody can be convinced to wear a bomb into the capitol building, I'm not really too sympathetic.

    • Naked_Bunny

      I want my 72 virgins up front, is all I'm sayin'.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    If a terrorist threat didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent one. (Apologies to Voltaire)

  • ttommyunger

    "Alert FBI Agents quickly wrestled themselves to the ground."

  • Naked_Bunny

    Pfft. Amateur. You never have the FBI ship your bomb components to your apartment. You direct them to your P.O. box, like I do.

  • sati_demise

    Wondering which is cheaper:
    Sending visa expired people to ICE & then back to wherever they came from or
    putting visa expired people through terrorist training with the FBI.

    On a strict per person cost basis, obviously.

    Obama said he wants to save money anywhere he can.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Thank you, FBI, for saving us from our baser instincts.

  • elburritodeluxe

    The FBI is doing the same sort of thing to right-wing fanatics but they're usually too obese to carry out a plot, Muslim extremists are just in better shape.

  • MRjonz

    But of course he went through with it. The FBI triple-dog-dared him.