WHO KNEW CONGRESS COULD PASS A TAX CUT?  1:17 pm February 17, 2012

Congress Extends Payroll Tax Cut! Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism

by Jim Newell

Both the House and Senate voted to extend the payroll tax cut another 10 months today. Democrats will be screaming from the Kenyan mountaintops about this great legislative victory of theirs, this “game-changer”! So let’s go through what an allegedly important Democratic legislative victory looks like in the year 2012.

  • An big “temporary” tax cut.
  • An big “temporary” tax cut that may help the economy for a few months now but which is probably locked in forever, since it’s an extension of the previous year’s “temporary” tax cut and Democrats were only able to secure it by constantly repeating the very Republican-y message, “Pass this or everyone’s taxes will go up next year.” Does anyone think that this “temporary” tax cut will be allowed to expire if/when the economy recovers or ever? We wonder if anyone in the Democratic party has a plan for handling this fresh new increase in long-term structural deficits that isn’t “Oops, I guess we’ll have to end Social Security now, who coulda known?” (If we’d just left that at “We wonder if anyone in the Democratic party has a plan” then it would have answered itself.)
  • An big “temporary” tax cut “funded by reducing government contributions for new federal employees’ pension pots.” Uhh…

A big ol’ temporary tax cut that will never expire, that passed thanks to Democrats’ Faustian embrace of annoying Republican tax cut messaging, that unimpeded will ultimately hasten the end of major welfare state programs, that is currently being offset by cutting federal employee pensions.

Also, too, drug-testing for unemployment benefits, and fewer unemployment benefits, etc.

…Let’s hope it works?

 
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{ 141 comments }

Barb February 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Hooray, now I can afford meat with lunch! Also, there is a jar of applesauce I've had on layaway since Labor Day.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Come on over, I have plenty of meat. . . .

Barb February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wait, I have to change clothes first. This little pleated plaid skirt, crisply starched white blouse, white cotton panties and white knee-high socks just won't do.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Peter-pan collar?

Barb February 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm

natch!

Mumbletypeg February 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

We await details on your meat-tales~

Gratuitous World February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Great Penthouse Forum teaser. +1

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

No worries, I'll tape it.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Catholic schoolgirl, are we?

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Nonsense, that's her business casual. Don't be a perv.

Walkinwiddaking February 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Well… hang on now,let's not be too hasty.

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat???

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm

See, I was going to use my windfall to buy a handjob, but I would just feel like an asshole knowing that someone else has to go without meat.

nounverb911 February 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Can we name it the "Reagan Raised Taxes 12 Times Memorial Tax Cut" please?

ChernobylSoup February 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Will this end the incessant tweets from Obama threatening to kill me if I don't tell him exactly what $40 a paycheck means to me?

Gratuitous World February 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

i kept answering "bag of weed" like 90% of others, but they never retweeted. out-of-touch.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm
mrpuma2u February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Maybe, but be prepared for the re-elect Obama spam to treble. "See we kept your tax cut, now give it back to David Axelrod as a campaign contribution or Rick Santorum will seize control of your reproductive organs!"

Designer_Rants February 17, 2012 at 5:28 pm

David Plouffe blew up my email box. I think he's going mad.

DrunkIrishman February 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Hey, anything to nudge Obama's reelection chances in the right direction.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Your moniker, it is redundant.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Every silver cloud has a dark lining. Newell's motto.

ChernobylSoup February 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm

If that's Newell's motto, what's Ken's? "Every silver cloud is going to blow you the fuck up"?

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

"Every silver cloud has a dead rat and a floater in it"

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 1:39 pm

"These aren't the silver clouds you're looking for"

Chichikovovich February 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

"I've looked at silver clouds that way. But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done. But clouds got in my way"

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm

At 17.

Tommmcattt February 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Your cynicism never grates, Jim, it is as soft and supple as the gentle curve of your lover back as it flows elegantly into the fragrant highland of your taut, supple buttocks…

Lascauxcaveman February 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

LOL, Tommy likes puffy gingers!

Tommmcattt February 17, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Not as a general rule, but there is something in Jim's casual, doe-eyed vulnerability that draws me…

elviouslyqueer February 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Dude, that's pretty gay.

Pragmatist2 February 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

This is terrible! people will just go out and buy Birth Control with the extra money.

nounverb911 February 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Bayer Aspirin is giddy with expectation.

Gratuitous World February 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm

$40 allows me to taint a lot of aspirin.

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Off to the Abortion Complex for me. And I'm not even a woman.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Its a good place to meet chicks who are "easy." There and the VD clinic.

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

You know that they are easy. THEY ARE GETTING AN ABORTION FOR CHRIST SAKES!!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Fuckin'-A

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Don't forget the wine coolers!

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Yay! I'm gonna blow my tax cut by Super Sizing my anus burger lunch today!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Your going to super size your, oh, oh, burger, OK.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm

What I believe you're referring to are already naturally super sized.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Mmm anus burgers! I'll be spending mine at Taco Bell.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:03 pm

You two have the kinkiest dirty talk.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Stolichnaya! Carpaccio!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Heart Attack Grill? They'll super-size your aorta!

Chichikovovich February 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Don't forget to bleach your anus burger!

?

I'm still unclear on this whole concept, aren't I?

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

No, no, this is a good one. It doesn't have to make sense.

Extemporanus February 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

This is an big fucking deal.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Nice use of the Smell The Glove album cover for an avatar.

larryfinexx February 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I'm looking to buy an electric waffle maker with my tax cut bonus. Does anyone have one they like or would recommend?

gullywompr February 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The Romney.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

What make were all those hair dryers? I am sure they make a high-quality waffle iron.

coolhandnuke February 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm

With this windfall, I'm treating the entire family to a surf 'n' turf dinner–tuna casserole and SPAM.

Chichikovovich February 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

We're going to have spam egg spam spam bacon and spam.

V572 Flambé February 17, 2012 at 1:26 pm

It's all part of Barry's master plan, nay-sayers. Once he gets reelected, he'll really start to…uh…no, seriously…well…Forty bucks a paycheck — hooray!

Chillwillard February 17, 2012 at 1:26 pm

It must be raining GOP pussies again.

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Needz moar Saul Alinsky.

weej_bain February 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm

But where to hold the shit-in?

Angry_Marmot February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

A little more Alinsky, and I might have been willing to go door-to-door for Hopey again.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

If I wasn't unemployed this would be great news!

weej_bain February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Tax ✂ = 2 jars of CheezWiz™. This should be an occasion for wanton glitter bombing.

MinAgain February 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism

Is that anything like grated parmesan? 'Cause I love that stuff.

Angry_Marmot February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

In Land of Cynicism, cheese grates you. What a country!

SorosBot Jr! February 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm

And the best part is that the Bush/Obama tax cuts stand. See, everybody gets something, but the rich get more. Way more.
And this just in time, with a little thrift, I just ran out of my $300 bribe that Bush gave us in 2001.

IndianaKevin February 17, 2012 at 8:53 pm

If you hold on to money like that, remind me not to go drinking with you.

edgydrifter February 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Sweet. I'm getting the fancy ramen tonight!

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm

It's Friday–go ahead and use the whole flavor packet!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Shin Ramyun? Thats the KING of the fancy ramen. If you go to where the farmers market was after it closes, you should be able to find some veggies in the trash!

DerrickWildcat February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

The really good stuff has two kinds of flavor packets. Once I got a kind with 3 different flavor packets! I thought it was a packaging mistake.

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Grover Norquist is prolly sporting some serious wood right about now.

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Who's the lucky Cub Scout?

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Closer to an aneurism. This cut doesn't go to the "right sort."

MrFizzy February 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I heard it resembles a wine bottle cork.

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

So..Win!?

SoBeach February 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Republicans next year: We gave you that $40/week tax cut. Now Mitt and his friends get to keep paying 15%. Fair is far.

SayItWithWookies February 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Don't worry, this tax cut won't get extended since the Republicans hate it — it only cuts the taxes of working people at the bottom of the food pyramid, which means that no rich folks benefit and that it flows immediately into the economy rather than getting hoarded or used for speculation like Rich Money should be.

A year from now, all the GOPers (plus Ben Nelson) who bit the bullet and voted for this are gonna announce that they're saving Social Security by letting the payroll tax cut die.

elviouslyqueer February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

This. And let's not forget that this is another legacy of Barry's continually failing economic policies.

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm

This will just hurt job creators.

Lascauxcaveman February 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm

drug-testing for unemployment benefits

Cool, if you can't give 'em any more money, I'm sure they'll enjoy the drugs. Gotta test those drugs somehow. This is win/win for our unemployed and our pharmaceutical industry.

Synergy!

weej_bain February 17, 2012 at 1:51 pm

And don't forget the major contribution pee cup manufacturers make to the economy. We can wiz our way back to greatness.

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Watch out Girl Scouts, I got $40 and those Thin Mints aren't gonna freeze themselves.

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

How much does a Girl Scout cost these days?

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

In ameros or whore diamonds?

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I was thinking about real currency, like yuan.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Yuan a real currency? Wakka wakka!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm

$40 a paycheck is one tank of gass a week. Wow! That cuts my $600 a month gasoline expenditures by almost 1/3! Yay!

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I realize I'm but an ignorant tax payer, but could someone please explain to me why huge, deficit busting tax cuts for the wealthy "pay for themselves", and a shitty little tax cut for the working poor must be paid for by cutting the pensions of the working class and reducing the UI benefit?

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Right after you explain why you hate freedom!1!!

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Butt, but, jerb creashun

Lascauxcaveman February 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Simple: because shut up.

SheriffRoscoe February 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

No trickle down for you.

ChernobylSoup February 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It's all explained in the welcome packet at Davos. Didn't you get yours?

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Having no money already, you'd simply blow any extra money on outstanding debts.

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Because fetuses?

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Because the wealthy buy things that help boost the economy, like iPhones, and prostitutes.

The poor spend it on debt creators, like food. And water also too.

DoktorThompson February 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

CLASS WARFARE

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

This newz about cutting unemployment benefits kinda sucks….But a look at the cute kitty makes it better.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Hang in there, Baby!

el_donaldo February 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Grating cynicism? Well then, how is this news supposed to make me feel better about the Virginia state legislature passing a bill that would mandate a medically irrelevant sexual molestation of any woman seeking an abortion. To shame her.

You asked. Next time maybe ask for sarcasm.

Lucidamente1 February 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm

But will it increase sales of boner pills?

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Nah, that market is relatively inelastic, there is a constant stiff demand.

Callyson February 17, 2012 at 1:39 pm

drug-testing for unemployment benefits
I know that tout le monde is saying this, but oh how I would love to see drug-testing for candidates for public office. At least for those who support drug-testing people who can't find a job.

montreal_bruin February 17, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Drug test their spouses, too. Hilarity ensues. . .

Mumbletypeg February 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Your "grating cynicism"/ incisive wit/ sharp discourse / & other cliche'd-but-I'm-too-lazy-to-rephrase talents are what gawker.com surely is in bitter remorse for no longer having in their possession, Jim. Esepcially, methinks, with the hullaballoon of contraceptives quagmire their readers are clamoring to bandy about.

Haha — what do I know, I never read gawker…

Terry February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

So, how did Boehner get Cantor to toe the line? Incriminating photos, perhaps?

trampndirtdown February 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Eric Cantor poster child for ""sneaky little shits".

Radiotherapy February 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I knead that dough!

weej_bain February 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Bread lines, not lines of coke?

SheriffRoscoe February 17, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Nice. I can finally give my car some of that "oil" it seems to like!

Joshua Norton February 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

What? No magic beans?

coolhandnuke February 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

MY strip club ATM will be forty dollars poorer come tonight.

Angry_Marmot February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Get there early for the buffet.

Chichikovovich February 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Don't forget your food stamp card!

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I'd gladly pee in a cup if it means moar money for people who don't have a job. THey've been pissed on (and pissed off) long enough

Indiepalin February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

If I ever need to apply for unemployment, it's good to know that all I have to do is test positive and a life of luxury is mine.

Radiotherapy February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Chump Change We Can Live With.®

meatlofer February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Excellent!!!! Booze,Drugs ,Women,Rock&Roll, The rest? I'll just piss away!

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

The good news is that "Washington's Credit Card" still has room for a new mideast war.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Happy Valentine's!

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I like my scrambled eggs with just a touch of grated cynicism.

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Weed money for the employed, drug tests for everyone else!

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Guys, should I put my extra monies toward magic beans or Facebook stock?

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I hear Napster is making a come back.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Betamax. Its gonna win, I tell ya.

SoBeach February 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I wouldn't touch facebook stock with a ten foot pole. Then again, I said the same thing about Google. Warren Buffett I ain't.

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Magic beans it is! I never would have been able to achieve my staggering net worth of -$xx,xxx without the advise of anonymous internet commenters.

owhatever February 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Wealthy at last. I'm going Cayman big time and voting for Mitt.

Antispandex February 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I'm not very smart. Can someone explain how this helps all of those unemployed people afford a Happy Meal?

TinyDespot February 17, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Now I can buy that makeup that's tested on the EXPENSIVE hampsters!

fuflans February 17, 2012 at 11:53 pm

i would up-fist you for that avatar alone.

not to mention the fracking comment…

BarackMyWorld February 18, 2012 at 12:20 am

I should point out that unemployment benefits were going to end for everyone who had exhausted their state benefits without this extension passing. It was basically a choice between shorter benefits and NO benefits.

ttommyunger February 18, 2012 at 9:07 am

Nice to see the Republicans being "scared straight". Assholes!

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Bring your aspirin.

mrpuma2u February 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I just want to know who will be wearing the pleather bodysuit and swinging the flogger.

Terry February 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Prommie's bringing a little blue pill, sounds like

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Hey, hey there, I'm watching you, smart guy.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm

The great thing about Catholic schoolgirls is, I keep getting older, but they stay the same age.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I KNEW one of you was going to quote Dazed and Confused today.

prommie February 17, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Better LinkLATER than never.

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