who knew congress could pass a tax cut?

Congress Extends Payroll Tax Cut! Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism

Both the House and Senate voted to extend the payroll tax cut another 10 months today. Democrats will be screaming from the Kenyan mountaintops about this great legislative victory of theirs, this “game-changer”! So let’s go through what an allegedly important Democratic legislative victory looks like in the year 2012.

  • An big “temporary” tax cut.
  • An big “temporary” tax cut that may help the economy for a few months now but which is probably locked in forever, since it’s an extension of the previous year’s “temporary” tax cut and Democrats were only able to secure it by constantly repeating the very Republican-y message, “Pass this or everyone’s taxes will go up next year.” Does anyone think that this “temporary” tax cut will be allowed to expire if/when the economy recovers or ever? We wonder if anyone in the Democratic party has a plan for handling this fresh new increase in long-term structural deficits that isn’t “Oops, I guess we’ll have to end Social Security now, who coulda known?” (If we’d just left that at “We wonder if anyone in the Democratic party has a plan” then it would have answered itself.)
  • An big “temporary” tax cut “funded by reducing government contributions for new federal employees’ pension pots.” Uhh…

A big ol’ temporary tax cut that will never expire, that passed thanks to Democrats’ Faustian embrace of annoying Republican tax cut messaging, that unimpeded will ultimately hasten the end of major welfare state programs, that is currently being offset by cutting federal employee pensions.

Also, too, drug-testing for unemployment benefits, and fewer unemployment benefits, etc.

…Let’s hope it works?

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • Barb

    Hooray, now I can afford meat with lunch! Also, there is a jar of applesauce I've had on layaway since Labor Day.

    • prommie

      Come on over, I have plenty of meat. . . .

      • Barb

        Wait, I have to change clothes first. This little pleated plaid skirt, crisply starched white blouse, white cotton panties and white knee-high socks just won't do.

        • prommie

          Peter-pan collar?

          • Barb

            natch!

          • freakishlywrong

            Bring your aspirin.

          • Terry

            Prommie's bringing a little blue pill, sounds like

          • prommie

            Hey, hey there, I'm watching you, smart guy.

          • mrpuma2u

            I just want to know who will be wearing the pleather bodysuit and swinging the flogger.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          We await details on your meat-tales~

          • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

            Great Penthouse Forum teaser. +1

          • prommie

            No worries, I'll tape it.

        • SorosBot

          Catholic schoolgirl, are we?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Nonsense, that's her business casual. Don't be a perv.

          • prommie

            The great thing about Catholic schoolgirls is, I keep getting older, but they stay the same age.

          • Fare la Volpe

            I KNEW one of you was going to quote Dazed and Confused today.

          • prommie

            Better LinkLATER than never.

        • Walkinwiddaking

          Well… hang on now,let's not be too hasty.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat???

    • GOPCrusher

      See, I was going to use my windfall to buy a handjob, but I would just feel like an asshole knowing that someone else has to go without meat.

  • nounverb911

    Can we name it the "Reagan Raised Taxes 12 Times Memorial Tax Cut" please?

  • ChernobylSoup

    Will this end the incessant tweets from Obama threatening to kill me if I don't tell him exactly what $40 a paycheck means to me?

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      i kept answering "bag of weed" like 90% of others, but they never retweeted. out-of-touch.

    • mrpuma2u

      Maybe, but be prepared for the re-elect Obama spam to treble. "See we kept your tax cut, now give it back to David Axelrod as a campaign contribution or Rick Santorum will seize control of your reproductive organs!"

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      David Plouffe blew up my email box. I think he's going mad.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Hey, anything to nudge Obama's reelection chances in the right direction.

    • prommie

      Your moniker, it is redundant.

  • prommie

    Every silver cloud has a dark lining. Newell's motto.

    • ChernobylSoup

      If that's Newell's motto, what's Ken's? "Every silver cloud is going to blow you the fuck up"?

      • widestanceromance

        "Every silver cloud has a dead rat and a floater in it"

      • freakishlywrong

        "These aren't the silver clouds you're looking for"

      • Chichikovovich

        "I've looked at silver clouds that way. But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done. But clouds got in my way"

        • prommie

          At 17.

  • Tommmcattt

    Your cynicism never grates, Jim, it is as soft and supple as the gentle curve of your lover back as it flows elegantly into the fragrant highland of your taut, supple buttocks…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      LOL, Tommy likes puffy gingers!

      • Tommmcattt

        Not as a general rule, but there is something in Jim's casual, doe-eyed vulnerability that draws me…

        • elviouslyqueer

          FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Dude, that's pretty gay.

  • Pragmatist2

    This is terrible! people will just go out and buy Birth Control with the extra money.

    • nounverb911

      Bayer Aspirin is giddy with expectation.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      $40 allows me to taint a lot of aspirin.

    • Baconzgood

      Off to the Abortion Complex for me. And I'm not even a woman.

      • prommie

        Its a good place to meet chicks who are "easy." There and the VD clinic.

        • Baconzgood

          You know that they are easy. THEY ARE GETTING AN ABORTION FOR CHRIST SAKES!!

          • prommie

            Fuckin'-A

          • GOPCrusher

            Don't forget the wine coolers!

  • MissTaken

    Yay! I'm gonna blow my tax cut by Super Sizing my anus burger lunch today!

    • prommie

      Your going to super size your, oh, oh, burger, OK.

      • SorosBot

        What I believe you're referring to are already naturally super sized.

    • SorosBot

      Mmm anus burgers! I'll be spending mine at Taco Bell.

      • Fare la Volpe

        You two have the kinkiest dirty talk.

        • prommie

          Stolichnaya! Carpaccio!

    • prommie

      Heart Attack Grill? They'll super-size your aorta!

    • Chichikovovich

      Don't forget to bleach your anus burger!

      ?

      I'm still unclear on this whole concept, aren't I?

      • prommie

        No, no, this is a good one. It doesn't have to make sense.

  • Extemporanus

    This is an big fucking deal.

    • GOPCrusher

      Nice use of the Smell The Glove album cover for an avatar.

  • larryfinexx

    I'm looking to buy an electric waffle maker with my tax cut bonus. Does anyone have one they like or would recommend?

    • gullywompr

      The Romney.

    • prommie

      What make were all those hair dryers? I am sure they make a high-quality waffle iron.

  • coolhandnuke

    With this windfall, I'm treating the entire family to a surf 'n' turf dinner–tuna casserole and SPAM.

    • Chichikovovich

      We're going to have spam egg spam spam bacon and spam.

  • V572 Flambé

    It's all part of Barry's master plan, nay-sayers. Once he gets reelected, he'll really start to…uh…no, seriously…well…Forty bucks a paycheck — hooray!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    It must be raining GOP pussies again.

  • chicken_thief

    Needz moar Saul Alinsky.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      But where to hold the shit-in?

    • Angry_Marmot

      A little more Alinsky, and I might have been willing to go door-to-door for Hopey again.

  • SorosBot

    If I wasn't unemployed this would be great news!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Tax ✂ = 2 jars of CheezWiz™. This should be an occasion for wanton glitter bombing.

  • MinAgain

    Let’s Ruin The Fun With Grating Cynicism

    Is that anything like grated parmesan? 'Cause I love that stuff.

    • Angry_Marmot

      In Land of Cynicism, cheese grates you. What a country!

  • SorosBot Jr!

    And the best part is that the Bush/Obama tax cuts stand. See, everybody gets something, but the rich get more. Way more.
    And this just in time, with a little thrift, I just ran out of my $300 bribe that Bush gave us in 2001.

    • IndianaKevin

      If you hold on to money like that, remind me not to go drinking with you.

  • edgydrifter

    Sweet. I'm getting the fancy ramen tonight!

    • widestanceromance

      It's Friday–go ahead and use the whole flavor packet!

    • prommie

      Shin Ramyun? Thats the KING of the fancy ramen. If you go to where the farmers market was after it closes, you should be able to find some veggies in the trash!

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      The really good stuff has two kinds of flavor packets. Once I got a kind with 3 different flavor packets! I thought it was a packaging mistake.

  • chicken_thief

    Grover Norquist is prolly sporting some serious wood right about now.

    • widestanceromance

      Who's the lucky Cub Scout?

    • Guppy

      Closer to an aneurism. This cut doesn't go to the "right sort."

    • MrFizzy

      I heard it resembles a wine bottle cork.

  • freakishlywrong

    So..Win!?

  • SoBeach

    Republicans next year: We gave you that $40/week tax cut. Now Mitt and his friends get to keep paying 15%. Fair is far.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Don't worry, this tax cut won't get extended since the Republicans hate it — it only cuts the taxes of working people at the bottom of the food pyramid, which means that no rich folks benefit and that it flows immediately into the economy rather than getting hoarded or used for speculation like Rich Money should be.

    A year from now, all the GOPers (plus Ben Nelson) who bit the bullet and voted for this are gonna announce that they're saving Social Security by letting the payroll tax cut die.

  • Baconzgood

    This will just hurt job creators.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    drug-testing for unemployment benefits

    Cool, if you can't give 'em any more money, I'm sure they'll enjoy the drugs. Gotta test those drugs somehow. This is win/win for our unemployed and our pharmaceutical industry.

    Synergy!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      And don't forget the major contribution pee cup manufacturers make to the economy. We can wiz our way back to greatness.

  • MissTaken

    Watch out Girl Scouts, I got $40 and those Thin Mints aren't gonna freeze themselves.

    • Guppy

      How much does a Girl Scout cost these days?

      • MissTaken

        In ameros or whore diamonds?

        • Guppy

          I was thinking about real currency, like yuan.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Yuan a real currency? Wakka wakka!

  • prommie

    $40 a paycheck is one tank of gass a week. Wow! That cuts my $600 a month gasoline expenditures by almost 1/3! Yay!

  • freakishlywrong

    I realize I'm but an ignorant tax payer, but could someone please explain to me why huge, deficit busting tax cuts for the wealthy "pay for themselves", and a shitty little tax cut for the working poor must be paid for by cutting the pensions of the working class and reducing the UI benefit?

    • widestanceromance

      Right after you explain why you hate freedom!1!!

    • MissTaken

      Butt, but, jerb creashun

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Simple: because shut up.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      No trickle down for you.

    • ChernobylSoup

      It's all explained in the welcome packet at Davos. Didn't you get yours?

    • Guppy

      Having no money already, you'd simply blow any extra money on outstanding debts.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Because fetuses?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Because the wealthy buy things that help boost the economy, like iPhones, and prostitutes.

      The poor spend it on debt creators, like food. And water also too.

    • DoktorThompson

      CLASS WARFARE

  • Baconzgood

    This newz about cutting unemployment benefits kinda sucks….But a look at the cute kitty makes it better.

    • prommie

      Hang in there, Baby!

  • el_donaldo

    Grating cynicism? Well then, how is this news supposed to make me feel better about the Virginia state legislature passing a bill that would mandate a medically irrelevant sexual molestation of any woman seeking an abortion. To shame her.

    You asked. Next time maybe ask for sarcasm.

  • Lucidamente1

    But will it increase sales of boner pills?

    • prommie

      Nah, that market is relatively inelastic, there is a constant stiff demand.

  • Callyson

    drug-testing for unemployment benefits
    I know that tout le monde is saying this, but oh how I would love to see drug-testing for candidates for public office. At least for those who support drug-testing people who can't find a job.

    • montreal_bruin

      Drug test their spouses, too. Hilarity ensues. . .

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Your "grating cynicism"/ incisive wit/ sharp discourse / & other cliche'd-but-I'm-too-lazy-to-rephrase talents are what gawker.com surely is in bitter remorse for no longer having in their possession, Jim. Esepcially, methinks, with the hullaballoon of contraceptives quagmire their readers are clamoring to bandy about.

    Haha — what do I know, I never read gawker…

  • Terry

    So, how did Boehner get Cantor to toe the line? Incriminating photos, perhaps?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Eric Cantor poster child for ""sneaky little shits".

  • Radiotherapy

    I knead that dough!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Bread lines, not lines of coke?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Nice. I can finally give my car some of that "oil" it seems to like!

  • Joshua Norton

    What? No magic beans?

  • coolhandnuke

    MY strip club ATM will be forty dollars poorer come tonight.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Get there early for the buffet.

    • Chichikovovich

      Don't forget your food stamp card!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'd gladly pee in a cup if it means moar money for people who don't have a job. THey've been pissed on (and pissed off) long enough

  • Indiepalin

    If I ever need to apply for unemployment, it's good to know that all I have to do is test positive and a life of luxury is mine.

  • Radiotherapy

    Chump Change We Can Live With.®

  • meatlofer

    Excellent!!!! Booze,Drugs ,Women,Rock&Roll, The rest? I'll just piss away!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    The good news is that "Washington's Credit Card" still has room for a new mideast war.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Happy Valentine's!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I like my scrambled eggs with just a touch of grated cynicism.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Weed money for the employed, drug tests for everyone else!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Guys, should I put my extra monies toward magic beans or Facebook stock?

    • Fare la Volpe

      I hear Napster is making a come back.

    • prommie

      Betamax. Its gonna win, I tell ya.

    • SoBeach

      I wouldn't touch facebook stock with a ten foot pole. Then again, I said the same thing about Google. Warren Buffett I ain't.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Magic beans it is! I never would have been able to achieve my staggering net worth of -$xx,xxx without the advise of anonymous internet commenters.

  • owhatever

    Wealthy at last. I'm going Cayman big time and voting for Mitt.

  • Antispandex

    I'm not very smart. Can someone explain how this helps all of those unemployed people afford a Happy Meal?

  • TinyDespot

    Now I can buy that makeup that's tested on the EXPENSIVE hampsters!

    • fuflans

      i would up-fist you for that avatar alone.

      not to mention the fracking comment…

  • BarackMyWorld

    I should point out that unemployment benefits were going to end for everyone who had exhausted their state benefits without this extension passing. It was basically a choice between shorter benefits and NO benefits.

  • ttommyunger

    Nice to see the Republicans being "scared straight". Assholes!