because school breakfasts were hitler's idea probably

Well Someone Has To Fight the Scourge of Poor Kids Getting Free Meals

All Big Issues must necessarily have at least two sides, it’s in the Bible, et cetera. Okay, now then, who wants to take the “pro” side on child hunger? Anyone? Anyone? Oh good, we just spotted a hand shooting up in the back. Why it’s a Tennessee Republican, about to wave his arm free of its shoulder socket in excitement! Meet “Kevin Kookogey,” the chairman of the Williamson County GOP, and he’s here today to tell us a little bit about why needy children in his county should not be receiving free breakfast in school: “It is not the role of government to feed people. Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights. Government fails when it usurps these bounds. One only need look at the hundreds of billions of dollars wasted by the Department of Education since its formation in 1980 with no improvement in student achievement.” Interesting argument. Chew on that, hungry kids!

Furthermore, he is compelled to note, Williamson County is full of rich people. And come on, rich people giving to poor kids? THAT IS FOR PERVERTS:

“I am sure you have heard about this happening in other areas, but ladies and gentlemen, Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure, is now operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs,” Kookogey wrote. “Of course, those handouts are courtesy of you and me, the federal taxpayers.”

It’s pretty twisted alright. Fair enough, Kookogey, you win the argument. Hungry children learn independence from government and the skills they need for adult self-sufficiency, when they are hungry, in school. [The Tennesseean; thanks to Wonkette operative “Lisa Z.”]

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    1. mrpuma2u

      I got a feelin' called the blues, since the scurvy set in,
      I hate to think I'm malnourished, but I'm gettin' mighty thin

      With apologies to Hank Williams Sr.

    2. starfanglednut

      An asshole name Bauer from (wait for it) South Carolina compared free school lunches for poor kids to feeding stray dogs.

      “My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better”

      So there's that.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        It was the treadmill (a wheel useless for anything other than making the prisoners take a step up or get whacked in the shin) and picking oakum (tearing apart old bits of rope to stuff into ship planks). But you had the right idea.

        1. OneDollarJuana

          Our overlords aren't paying attention. It's the countries with large populations of unemployed young people that seem to have the most violent revolutions. Can't leave the compound when there's a crowd waving pitchforks outside.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        Only if she can sashay down the catwalk with her contraceptive pill clutched between her knees…(actually, that explains a lot…)

        1. finallyhappy

          most teen models are so skinny they can't get pregnant plus many of them break in two after their first intercourse anyway.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            One of the nice things about starving to death is that you don't have to worry about things like bloating or cramps. Of course, you don't have to worry about periods at all, but details.

    1. Wilcoxyz

      If they worked as janitors, they could surely find some delicious discarded food, or food-stained containers.

  1. MissTaken

    All that time children waste eating breakfast would be better spent mopping the floors of their school.

  2. banana_bread

    Haha, I sent this in, then refreshed Wonkette and there it is! I'm a little too late to do any good, like a lobotomy for Rush Limbaugh.

      1. banana_bread

        Actually, that's not me. I submitted right as this story went up. Although Liz is a perfectly serviceable name!

      1. banana_bread

        Alas, I am not a Tennesseean! I saw the article on the Twitter-machine. I did go to Tennessee once, though, when I was three. Does that count?

        1. finallyhappy

          A visitor(here in DC) just told me to go to the Gatlinburg Aquarium- like I am ever going back to Tennessee. The number of Confederate flags for sale in that town scared the hell out of me- and I am white.

  3. ph7

    Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights. Government fails when it usurps these bounds.

    Apparently, God did not give us the right to feed hungry children. Stingy bastard.

      1. Preferred Customer

        What are you talking about? They have the right to starve. All the way to death, if it pleases them.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I'm guessing this ass wouldn't have approved of the aristocracy throwing their left over slop outside of the palace gates for the peasants to fight over.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's right — there's nothing in the Constitution about a right to eat. That means the States get to decide.

  4. CapnFatback

    Kook-ogey? Hell, the snark gods are just lobbing it over the plate these days.

    I mean, damn: Kevin KooKogey? Will Shortz never had it so easy.

  5. ChernobylSoup

    This one is hard to snark up. Hatred, the pure beautiful hatred that burns with the intensity of 1000 white hot suns, is all I've got for this guy and all who think like him.

  6. Baconzgood

    If they are so hungry then why don't they do some custodial work around the boiler room and EARN the meal? Moochy fucking 8 year olds.

    1. starfanglednut

      That definitely makes you a perv. That, and whatever it is you and Sorosbot get up to, which none of us have a clue about, since you have so rudely not provided video.

      1. SorosBot

        Next time we'll try liveblogging; although most of our comments will probably be something like "shydntm7juriu6ihyut5hjunalo8uae4s".

  7. HelmutNewton

    "And," added Kookogey, "we should put those ungrateful brats to work scrubbing toilets in schools, too. Let them work for their meals!"

  8. mrpuma2u

    "Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

    Clearly gawd and jeebus didn't feel that children had a right to eat. Seriously, can someone kick this jaggoff in nards already?

  9. larryfinexx

    High Schools should increase the cafeteria workers salary so the students would get a better looking group of slobs serving them.

  10. SpiderCrab

    Hungry children should eat the rich, and they might like to start with a Kookogey appetizer, which one can pick from a kangaroo's nose.

  11. el_donaldo

    "Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

    You keep using that word, God. I do not think it means what you think it does.

  12. Joshua Norton

    operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs

    I’d like you all to appreciate this thought. The pure Wingnuttery, untouched by logic, unfettered by sense, unbound by sanity. This is the raw stuff from which everything else is formed.

  13. SheriffRoscoe

    If teachers would get off everyone's case, we could let the kids chew gum all day. That would take care of breakfast and lunch. And kids need to chew something.

  14. bureaucrap

    Hundred bucks says he's also "pro-life", whatever that means in this context. Just another example of Barney Frank's famous line that these people think that life begins at conception and ends at birth.

  15. chascates

    Williamson County, Texas, where I live is a high income area in Central Texas but our nearby town's main street is populated by pawn shops, finance companies, and a few fast food joints. A wind energy company, a furniture manufacturer, and a mattress plant moved out (to cheaper tax breaks, natch) and the unemployment, drug use, and social spending (such as it is) skyrocketed.

    You remove the jobs and the tax base and then you whine about the low morals of the poorz that you helped to create. There will not be enough guards for your gated communities when the middle class is absorbed into the un- and underemployed ranks.

  16. SorosBot

    Government exists to protect our rights to starve to death! Wait, what?

    What part of "promote the general welfare" do you not understand?

      1. SorosBot

        And it's right there in the Constitution – it's almost as if these right wingers who go on about it have never actually read it.

  17. MiniMencken

    So, those buttons and bumper stickers I've seen saying "Lobotomies For Republicans — It's The Law" were not jokes?

  18. Preferred Customer

    "Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure."

    And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. Matthew 19:24

    But WTF can books teach us?

    1. BarryOPotter

      But WTF can books teach us?

      You ask "…WTF can books teach us?" In the domain of ethics and moral behaviour, based on an analysis of the vocal suppuration pouring forth from the "Good" book's staunchest supporters, not a goddamn thing…

  19. rickmaci

    '"Are there no prisons?"
    "Plenty of prisons," said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.
    "And the Union workhouses?" … "Are they still in operation?"
    "They are. Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could say they were not."
    "The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?"
    "Both very busy, sir."
    "Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,"'

  20. Wilcoxyz

    Dear 1 percenters: You are right. Why should you help feed other people's kids?

    Also, why should other people fight wars for you? Please direct your self-made little richlings to the nearest recruiting office so that no one else has to serve in their place, while you reap the benefits.

    Any of you Romneys want to step up? I hear Mitt thinks our military is inadequate.

  21. CapnFatback

    Hungry for bread, hungry for learnin'! Why distract your stomach with digestion when it could be applying the quadratic formula and diagramming sentences?

  22. freakishlywrong

    God, these fucking wingnut scolds and the constant griping about how we spend federal tax dollars. Shut the fuck up, asshole, I didn't like my money paying for wars.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I saw that!

      "The Inheritance is an illustrated allegory and parable about the preservation of liberty in America. A description of America's past, an analysis of America's present, and a suggestion of America's future – all in a 10-minute read."

      A fucking Renaissance Man! Without all the gay sex, I'm sure…

    2. unclejeems

      Yeah, I see the douchebag is a real in-tell-ECT-shul, too. On his current reading list is a book about how the free market creates a humane society. Explains his bold stand on school lunches.

  23. a_pink_poodle

    These URBAN YOUTHS need to pull themselves up by their boot straps and work at their fathers law firm like I did when I was a kid!

  24. MinAgain

    Hey, now. What about the inalienable right to life? I'm pretty sure that requires a sausage and biscuit, every so often.

    1. chicken_thief

      That might actually work in some perverse way. Have all the kids refuse the meals, then the school will stop buying the gruel, then the gruel vendors will start whining to Kevs, and then Kevs will have the brilliant idea of feeding starving kids breakfast! If the kids can just go a few months without food, we'll see.

  25. reginagreene

    I deplore the harsh adversarial tenor and approach of debates on the issue of feeding poor children. In the spirit of collegiality and in order to achieve a bipartisan consensus, I propose the poor children be fed the garbage hauled away from the homes and shops of Williamson County's wealthy (requiring, of course, that the poor children scrape and haul it away themselves, in order to cultivate a solid work ethic.)

  26. BigDumbRedDog

    " Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

    What he meant to say was "government exists to drop bombs on brown people."

  27. Callyson

    If those kids want to eat, let them get a janitorial job, or start their own farm.
    Christ, I'm still hung over from last night and I want a drink…

    1. yyyaz

      I'm so old I can remember the old, blue-haired ladies who arrived at my elementary school every day at 5 a.m. to cook, from scratch, a meat dish, vegetables, rolls or cornbread, beans or mac and cheese made with real cheese, tossed salad, jello salad and dessert. It was far better than my sibs and I got at home, or at least it would have been if our parents could have spared the two bits each for us to pay for it.
      </snark on>

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Remember when Jesus led thousands of his followers out into the desert, and they discovered they had only a loaf and a couple of fish to eat, and then Jesus stood up and said to the multitudes, "Get a job, motherfuckers!" Well, this guy is just Christlike in his treatment of children.

    1. chicken_thief

      I know Mary taught him better than that and surely would have made him eat soap. I mean, I know she dilly-dallied with some *Angels* there for awhile, but she was basically a good women. I think he got that foul mouth from those *Disciples* he hung out with.

      1. Tundra Grifter


        A band insulted by being marketed as "Christian."

        Would Lil'l Ricky Santorum approve? I think not…

  29. outragedcitizen

    Fair enough, Mr. Kookogey, but do not be surprised when those same kids grow up, minus an education, in abject poverty, with nothing to lose, come looking for you in your fancy mansion and proceed to kick the living shit out of your wrinkled, greed, fucking ass.

  30. DerrickWildcat

    It is not the role of government to feed our heirs. It is the job of our help.
    Our cooking staff, our Butlers, Maids and our Chauffeurs or Pilot Captain to double check before they get into the automobile or Jet.

  31. CessnaDriver

    Spreading "Kookogey"=the mung that builds up between the skin folds of hoverround-riding teabaggers.

  32. Ramon X

    Mind your own business, and get them hungry poor kids off our backs! They deserve to be poor and hungry because they are poor and hungry, Ipsofuckingfacto! This librul bounds usurping must end!

  33. owhatever

    The role of the government is not to help feed poor children? Fuck that, you Republican moron. Try reading the Constitution you pretend to like so much:

    "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

    1. finallyhappy

      Oh, this is the liberal Constitution- not the one he is talking about- our Jesus loving Christian Founding Fathers would never have written something likt that.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        If Jesus Christ didn't sign it, it ain't the right Constitumentional founding paper of these here Untied Statues of 'Merka.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Oh, there are just SO many things….If you didn't live in it, grew up near it, or have family from it, it would take a loonng time to explain.
      But I will attempt to simplify it as much as possible for you:
      Willful ignorance, disdain of education, religious fanaticism = good.
      Getting an education, doubting anything in the Bible, using logic as the default way of thinking = bad.
      There are some smart/educated people in TN. However it seems like none of them run for public office. I think it's simply because they don't want to be lumped together in a group that includes Kook O'Gay and Campyfied.

      1. slowhansolo

        Well, since you basically described flyover Pennsylvania, I think I get it now.

        Has the Tennessee state legislature declared 2012 the Year of the Bible? Because I think might have you there.

  34. Naked_Bunny

    "Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

    You mean life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Those rights?

  35. chicken_thief

    Actually, I'm proud of Mr Kook-whatev for attempting to make his point without invoking Hitler, Stalin, or terrorists infiltrating South America. Kudos, Mr. Kook-whatev!

    1. actor212

      The man's name sounds like someone heard a Model T honking it's horn and decided, "Say! That would make a great last name! Better than Smith!"

  36. reginagreene

    But of course! Another brilliant bipartisan step! Making them step over the corpses of the other children along their way provides the added benefit of good exercise, helping defeat the scourge of childhood obesity!

  37. chicken_thief

    "Government fails when it usurps these bounds."

    Someone help me out here – was Kevin leading the charge against having FEMA help out Williamson County when it flooded in May 2010?

  38. imissopus

    Our children have been growing up tall and strong for far too many centuries. We want them short, like the North Koreans (those that survive to adulthood, anyway.) Then, like King Jong Il, they will all want shoes with lifts to look taller, which will be great business for our nation's shoemakers. I think it's obvious Kookogey is in the pocket of Big Cobbler.

  39. Tommy1733

    If the rights are God-given, why do we need Government to enforce them? They should be automatic and universal, like laws of nature. These laws of nature are inviolable, yet "God-given rights" are broken frequently under various circumstances.

    I guess I conclude this frustratingly dense person is just another example of the many people in our fair country who are under some kind of dumbness spell.

  40. Antispandex

    As any rich Teapublican campaign contributer knows, there's no such thing as a free lunch…usually it's a thousand dollars a plate.

  41. ttommyunger

    All of these Right-Wing Nutjob pronouncements make perfect sense if you just close them with one simple statement: "Now watch this drive."

  42. snoopyfan2010

    America is going to,destroy itself. And will be done by the "Real" Americans not the fake ones. As a well known Christian once said "Who is my neighbor?"

  43. JohnnyBrooklyn

    I completely agree with Mr. Kookogey. Feeding children sends the wrong message.

    Best regards,

    Chris Christie

  44. heathenette

    You’re all missing the solution here, people. Mr. Swift had this one figured out long ago. The rich should be eating this kids!

  45. Dutchmajician

    If Mr. Kookogey knows any Christians he might ask one of them what Jesus had to say on this subject. He was just another bleeding heart, etc. Savior I guess. Right Kookogey?

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