Well Someone Has To Fight the Scourge of Poor Kids Getting Free Meals

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

All Big Issues must necessarily have at least two sides, it’s in the Bible, et cetera. Okay, now then, who wants to take the “pro” side on child hunger? Anyone? Anyone? Oh good, we just spotted a hand shooting up in the back. Why it’s a Tennessee Republican, about to wave his arm free of its shoulder socket in excitement! Meet “Kevin Kookogey,” the chairman of the Williamson County GOP, and he’s here today to tell us a little bit about why needy children in his county should not be receiving free breakfast in school: “It is not the role of government to feed people. Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights. Government fails when it usurps these bounds. One only need look at the hundreds of billions of dollars wasted by the Department of Education since its formation in 1980 with no improvement in student achievement.” Interesting argument. Chew on that, hungry kids!

Furthermore, he is compelled to note, Williamson County is full of rich people. And come on, rich people giving to poor kids? THAT IS FOR PERVERTS:

“I am sure you have heard about this happening in other areas, but ladies and gentlemen, Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure, is now operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs,” Kookogey wrote. “Of course, those handouts are courtesy of you and me, the federal taxpayers.”

It’s pretty twisted alright. Fair enough, Kookogey, you win the argument. Hungry children learn independence from government and the skills they need for adult self-sufficiency, when they are hungry, in school. [The Tennesseean; thanks to Wonkette operative "Lisa Z."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 199 comments }

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hungry kids probably do better in school. I heard that in some country and western songs, I think.

mrpuma2u February 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I got a feelin' called the blues, since the scurvy set in,
I hate to think I'm malnourished, but I'm gettin' mighty thin

With apologies to Hank Williams Sr.

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Give 'em a mop and you'll feed 'em for life.

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

An asshole name Bauer from (wait for it) South Carolina compared free school lunches for poor kids to feeding stray dogs.

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better”

So there's that.

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 8:46 pm

No wonder Newt did so well there.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm

But they don't work as fast doing their janitorial duties.

chascates February 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Are there no almshouses? No debtors prisons?

Maman February 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

This calls for a Dickensian workhouse! More gruel and breaking rocks!

Tundra Grifter February 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm

It was the treadmill (a wheel useless for anything other than making the prisoners take a step up or get whacked in the shin) and picking oakum (tearing apart old bits of rope to stuff into ship planks). But you had the right idea.

OneDollarJuana February 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Our overlords aren't paying attention. It's the countries with large populations of unemployed young people that seem to have the most violent revolutions. Can't leave the compound when there's a crowd waving pitchforks outside.

PhilippePetain February 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I mean it's not like a guy is asking them to directly decrease the surplus population.

YasserArraFeck February 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Sounds like a load of kookogey to me.

themcwow February 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I loved their hit Too Shy.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

BIG HAIR LIBEL !!1!1

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Good for those kids! That will teach them to be born poor. They'll certainly pick better parents next time.

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm

That is exactly what my mom told me. We weren't poor but she still said this a lot.

littlebigdaddy February 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Kookogey? You can't make this stuff up!

Gratuitous World February 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

give a kid a free meal, he'll eat for a day. teach a kid to skip meals, he'll be malnourished for a lifetime.

usa!

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:19 pm

But teach a teenage girl to skip meals, and she'll be a runway model.

YasserArraFeck February 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Only if she can sashay down the catwalk with her contraceptive pill clutched between her knees…(actually, that explains a lot…)

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

most teen models are so skinny they can't get pregnant plus many of them break in two after their first intercourse anyway.

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

One of the nice things about starving to death is that you don't have to worry about things like bloating or cramps. Of course, you don't have to worry about periods at all, but details.

Captain_Quark February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

With a name like "Gooey Cock" this one is clearly a Santorum supporter.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Or an entree on a Chinese buffet.

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Yeah, the one that no one touches & if just sits there, ossifying under the heat lamps.

smokefilledroommate February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Get a freakin' job you goddamn freeloadin' kids! Free ride ends here!

Wilcoxyz February 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm

If they worked as janitors, they could surely find some delicious discarded food, or food-stained containers.

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Kookogey. North Korean, right?

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

All that time children waste eating breakfast would be better spent mopping the floors of their school.

Barrelhse February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Usurping bounds is always bad.

Crank_Tango February 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Yeah if I never see the word "usurp" in any form ever again, it will be too soon.

banana_bread February 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Haha, I sent this in, then refreshed Wonkette and there it is! I'm a little too late to do any good, like a lobotomy for Rush Limbaugh.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Well now we all know your first name!

banana_bread February 17, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Actually, that's not me. I submitted right as this story went up. Although Liz is a perfectly serviceable name!

elviouslyqueer February 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Another Tennessean Wonketeer in da house! God save us all, every one.

banana_bread February 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Alas, I am not a Tennesseean! I saw the article on the Twitter-machine. I did go to Tennessee once, though, when I was three. Does that count?

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

A visitor(here in DC) just told me to go to the Gatlinburg Aquarium- like I am ever going back to Tennessee. The number of Confederate flags for sale in that town scared the hell out of me- and I am white.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Did you get a free breakfast?

ph7 February 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights. Government fails when it usurps these bounds.

Apparently, God did not give us the right to feed hungry children. Stingy bastard.

el_donaldo February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

nor did he bother to give any rights to the poor kids.

Preferred Customer February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

What are you talking about? They have the right to starve. All the way to death, if it pleases them.

ChernobylSoup February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Show me where in the constitution it says anything about moral obligations!!?!

Dashboard Buddha February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Now we know why God didn't help. He needed a shower really badly.

smokefilledroommate February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

God hates kids. Jesus loves 'em but God can't stand the little bastards.

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

That explains why God always used contraception after banging that hose-beast Mary.

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Jesus especially, was against it.

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I'm guessing this ass wouldn't have approved of the aristocracy throwing their left over slop outside of the palace gates for the peasants to fight over.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 20, 2012 at 2:08 pm

He's right — there's nothing in the Constitution about a right to eat. That means the States get to decide.

CapnFatback February 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Kook-ogey? Hell, the snark gods are just lobbing it over the plate these days.

I mean, damn: Kevin KooKogey? Will Shortz never had it so easy.

smokefilledroommate February 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He's Kooko for shitty conservative ideology!

ChernobylSoup February 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

This one is hard to snark up. Hatred, the pure beautiful hatred that burns with the intensity of 1000 white hot suns, is all I've got for this guy and all who think like him.

ManchuCandidate February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Ebenezer Scrooge ain't got nothing on these GOPer muthafuckers.

MrFizzy February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Is eating not a god-given right? Or are those limited to procreating and bowhunting?

not that Dewey February 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Don't forget NASCAR!

MrFizzy February 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Dang. And Hot Pockets.

imissopus February 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Okay fine – procreating, bow-hunting, NASCAR, and Hot Pockets. AND THAT'S IT. THIS FAR AND NO FARTHER!!1! DON'T TREAD ON ME!! ARGLE BARGLE!

MrFizzy February 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

And those giant snorkel mufflers that come out of the beds of pickup trucks.

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Hahaha, I had a hot pocket once. Once.

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

If they are so hungry then why don't they do some custodial work around the boiler room and EARN the meal? Moochy fucking 8 year olds.

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Omigod! I once fed my niece some Cheerios for breakfast because she was hungry. I'm a pervert!

Preferred Customer February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I bet she's been back every day, too, looking for a handout.

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I'm gonna make her take a drug-test next time she wants some cereal.

CapnFatback February 17, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Frosted Flakes my eye.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Shouldn't she be paying you with the money she earns mopping the floors at her school?

Steverino247 February 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Well, we already knew that!

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Are those two statements related, though?

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

That definitely makes you a perv. That, and whatever it is you and Sorosbot get up to, which none of us have a clue about, since you have so rudely not provided video.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Next time we'll try liveblogging; although most of our comments will probably be something like "shydntm7juriu6ihyut5hjunalo8uae4s".

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Why would you be discussing Icelandic volcanoes?

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Great, you just set her up for a future of depending on the guv'ment.

Goonemeritus February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

If you feed them they will just grow up and want birth-control.

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And who pays for the aspirin? The taxpayer, that's who!!

prommie February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

He's proud not to feed the okies, that Kookogey.

HelmutNewton February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"And," added Kookogey, "we should put those ungrateful brats to work scrubbing toilets in schools, too. Let them work for their meals!"

mrpuma2u February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

Clearly gawd and jeebus didn't feel that children had a right to eat. Seriously, can someone kick this jaggoff in nards already?

Dashboard Buddha February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Yeah…that old fishes and loaves thing was just a viral marketing campaign.

Crank_Tango February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Besides, It was shopped. I could tell by the pixels.

John Birf Society February 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

A poor child getting a free meal is worse than slavery.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 5:08 pm

It is slavery. FOOD SLAVERY!
DEMOCRATIC PLANTATION LIBEL !!1!11

larryfinexx February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

High Schools should increase the cafeteria workers salary so the students would get a better looking group of slobs serving them.

SpiderCrab February 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hungry children should eat the rich, and they might like to start with a Kookogey appetizer, which one can pick from a kangaroo's nose.

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

At the very least, the kids could be required to beg for their breakfast.

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Kookogey sounds for-in to mes. Long form birth cert. or GTFO!

el_donaldo February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

"Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

You keep using that word, God. I do not think it means what you think it does.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Or rights – guess what, they don't come from some imaginary superman.

Joshua Norton February 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

operating under a perverse incentive to increase the number of students taking government hand-outs

I’d like you all to appreciate this thought. The pure Wingnuttery, untouched by logic, unfettered by sense, unbound by sanity. This is the raw stuff from which everything else is formed.

SheriffRoscoe February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

If teachers would get off everyone's case, we could let the kids chew gum all day. That would take care of breakfast and lunch. And kids need to chew something.

bureaucrap February 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Hundred bucks says he's also "pro-life", whatever that means in this context. Just another example of Barney Frank's famous line that these people think that life begins at conception and ends at birth.

Jukesgrrl February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Only fetuses need protection. Take a breath of the not-so-fresh air and it's every man for himself. What about that don't you people understand?

littlebigdaddy February 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You should bet $10,000.

chascates February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Williamson County, Texas, where I live is a high income area in Central Texas but our nearby town's main street is populated by pawn shops, finance companies, and a few fast food joints. A wind energy company, a furniture manufacturer, and a mattress plant moved out (to cheaper tax breaks, natch) and the unemployment, drug use, and social spending (such as it is) skyrocketed.

You remove the jobs and the tax base and then you whine about the low morals of the poorz that you helped to create. There will not be enough guards for your gated communities when the middle class is absorbed into the un- and underemployed ranks.

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

All this mess started when Obama shoved "The Great Society", head start, affirmative action, etc, etc…. down our throats.

coolhandnuke February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Kevin Kookogey's middle name just has to be Krugerrand.

Barb February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

What about their paychecks from toiling away in the sequin mines? These kids are slackers!

Crank_Tango February 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Have you ever seen an autopsy of a kid who died from "glitter-lung"? Freakin adorable.

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Damn!

bagofmice February 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Their x-rays sparkle more than a twilight vampire.

Joshua Norton February 17, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Someone apparently thought "Oliver Twist" was a how-to book.

CapnFatback February 17, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Shorter Kookogey: "Leggo my Eggo!"

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Government exists to protect our rights to starve to death! Wait, what?

What part of "promote the general welfare" do you not understand?

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"General welfare" sounds a lot like welfare.

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm

And it's right there in the Constitution – it's almost as if these right wingers who go on about it have never actually read it.

MissTaken February 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

They read the word "general" think military, fuck yeah!, and immediately stop reading.

bagofmice February 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

What kind of maggot-twit would dare to survive on Government Issue rations?

GOPCrusher February 17, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Actually, the pound cake wasn't too bad, as long as you had some fruit cocktail to dunk it in.

MiniMencken February 17, 2012 at 2:03 pm

So, those buttons and bumper stickers I've seen saying "Lobotomies For Republicans — It's The Law" were not jokes?

yyyaz February 17, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Had to be a joke. You can't surgically disconnect prefrontal lobes when the patient clearly has none.

Preferred Customer February 17, 2012 at 2:03 pm

"Williamson County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation by any measure."

And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. Matthew 19:24

But WTF can books teach us?

BarryOPotter February 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

But WTF can books teach us?

You ask "…WTF can books teach us?" In the domain of ethics and moral behaviour, based on an analysis of the vocal suppuration pouring forth from the "Good" book's staunchest supporters, not a goddamn thing…

yrbmegr February 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I hope I get to see their shock and disappointment when they learn their fate.

johnnyzhivago February 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Does the job requirement of "GOP County Chairman" spell out in writing the requirement to be a lamebrained, biggotted sack of shit?

rickmaci February 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

'"Are there no prisons?"
"Plenty of prisons," said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.
"And the Union workhouses?" … "Are they still in operation?"
"They are. Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could say they were not."
"The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?"
"Both very busy, sir."
"Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,"'

elviouslyqueer February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Keep starving those children, Kookogey.

Wilcoxyz February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Dear 1 percenters: You are right. Why should you help feed other people's kids?

Also, why should other people fight wars for you? Please direct your self-made little richlings to the nearest recruiting office so that no one else has to serve in their place, while you reap the benefits.

Any of you Romneys want to step up? I hear Mitt thinks our military is inadequate.

CapnFatback February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Hungry for bread, hungry for learnin'! Why distract your stomach with digestion when it could be applying the quadratic formula and diagramming sentences?

Baconzgood February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

More bacon for me.

Oblios_Cap February 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

You can't have any meat if you don't eat your pudding.

Sassomatic February 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

And, it's not the government's job to educate people in 3, 2, . . .

freakishlywrong February 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

God, these fucking wingnut scolds and the constant griping about how we spend federal tax dollars. Shut the fuck up, asshole, I didn't like my money paying for wars.

Jukesgrrl February 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

A training school for Elite Model Management! Let's make some lemonade, people.

Tommmcattt February 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Apparently it's not the Republican Party's job to even approximate basic decency…

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Decency is a slippery slope to empathy.

Tommmcattt February 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

and from there, humanity.

smokefilledroommate February 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Kevin is an author and also reads stuff!
Look like someone gave his book 5 stars!

Tundra Grifter February 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I saw that!

"The Inheritance is an illustrated allegory and parable about the preservation of liberty in America. A description of America's past, an analysis of America's present, and a suggestion of America's future – all in a 10-minute read."

A fucking Renaissance Man! Without all the gay sex, I'm sure…

unclejeems February 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Yeah, I see the douchebag is a real in-tell-ECT-shul, too. On his current reading list is a book about how the free market creates a humane society. Explains his bold stand on school lunches.

a_pink_poodle February 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

These URBAN YOUTHS need to pull themselves up by their boot straps and work at their fathers law firm like I did when I was a kid!

MinAgain February 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Hey, now. What about the inalienable right to life? I'm pretty sure that requires a sausage and biscuit, every so often.

Wonderthing February 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Please, sir, may I have some less?

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

That might actually work in some perverse way. Have all the kids refuse the meals, then the school will stop buying the gruel, then the gruel vendors will start whining to Kevs, and then Kevs will have the brilliant idea of feeding starving kids breakfast! If the kids can just go a few months without food, we'll see.

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Kookogey chews! I am the walrus (tit)!

reginagreene February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I deplore the harsh adversarial tenor and approach of debates on the issue of feeding poor children. In the spirit of collegiality and in order to achieve a bipartisan consensus, I propose the poor children be fed the garbage hauled away from the homes and shops of Williamson County's wealthy (requiring, of course, that the poor children scrape and haul it away themselves, in order to cultivate a solid work ethic.)

BigDumbRedDog February 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

" Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

What he meant to say was "government exists to drop bombs on brown people."

Callyson February 17, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If those kids want to eat, let them get a janitorial job, or start their own farm.
Christ, I'm still hung over from last night and I want a drink…

UnholyMoses February 17, 2012 at 2:19 pm

This guys punishment should be having to eat school food for the rest of his life.

yyyaz February 17, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I'm so old I can remember the old, blue-haired ladies who arrived at my elementary school every day at 5 a.m. to cook, from scratch, a meat dish, vegetables, rolls or cornbread, beans or mac and cheese made with real cheese, tossed salad, jello salad and dessert. It was far better than my sibs and I got at home, or at least it would have been if our parents could have spared the two bits each for us to pay for it.
</snark on>

SayItWithWookies February 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Remember when Jesus led thousands of his followers out into the desert, and they discovered they had only a loaf and a couple of fish to eat, and then Jesus stood up and said to the multitudes, "Get a job, motherfuckers!" Well, this guy is just Christlike in his treatment of children.

Tommmcattt February 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm

"The meek shall inherit the dirt!"

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 8:57 pm

"Eat dirt & don't forget to show up at church to eat me!"

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I know Mary taught him better than that and surely would have made him eat soap. I mean, I know she dilly-dallied with some *Angels* there for awhile, but she was basically a good women. I think he got that foul mouth from those *Disciples* he hung out with.

bagofmice February 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Fucking sailors and fishermen.

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm

It is a story like that in the NT that makes me wish I believed in Jesus.

Tundra Grifter February 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm

"Please, Sir, may I have some more?"

"HELL NO!"

Meanwhile, who do you suppose wrote this?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleprompt_Records

smokefilledroommate February 17, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Ha ha, I was going to post that earlier. MUTEMATH! Should be STARVEKIDS.

Tundra Grifter February 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

sfrm:

A band insulted by being marketed as "Christian."

Would Lil'l Ricky Santorum approve? I think not…

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm

If only Kookogey had a MUTEMOUTH.

outragedcitizen February 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Fair enough, Mr. Kookogey, but do not be surprised when those same kids grow up, minus an education, in abject poverty, with nothing to lose, come looking for you in your fancy mansion and proceed to kick the living shit out of your wrinkled, greed, fucking ass.

DerrickWildcat February 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

It is not the role of government to feed our heirs. It is the job of our help.
Our cooking staff, our Butlers, Maids and our Chauffeurs or Pilot Captain to double check before they get into the automobile or Jet.

VinnyThePooh February 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I'm assuming his goal is to privatize the McSchool Lunch program.

CessnaDriver February 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Spreading "Kookogey"=the mung that builds up between the skin folds of hoverround-riding teabaggers.

Ruhe February 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Unborn children? Protect them! Done been born children? Fuck 'em!

Ramon X February 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mind your own business, and get them hungry poor kids off our backs! They deserve to be poor and hungry because they are poor and hungry, Ipsofuckingfacto! This librul bounds usurping must end!

Fare la Volpe February 17, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Plagiarizer – the Dead Kennedys did it first.

owhatever February 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

The role of the government is not to help feed poor children? Fuck that, you Republican moron. Try reading the Constitution you pretend to like so much:

"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Oh, this is the liberal Constitution- not the one he is talking about- our Jesus loving Christian Founding Fathers would never have written something likt that.

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 9:02 pm

If Jesus Christ didn't sign it, it ain't the right Constitumentional founding paper of these here Untied Statues of 'Merka.

slowhansolo February 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

OK, seriously now, just what the fuck is it with Tennessee?

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Oh, there are just SO many things….If you didn't live in it, grew up near it, or have family from it, it would take a loonng time to explain.
But I will attempt to simplify it as much as possible for you:
Willful ignorance, disdain of education, religious fanaticism = good.
Getting an education, doubting anything in the Bible, using logic as the default way of thinking = bad.
There are some smart/educated people in TN. However it seems like none of them run for public office. I think it's simply because they don't want to be lumped together in a group that includes Kook O'Gay and Campyfied.

slowhansolo February 17, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Well, since you basically described flyover Pennsylvania, I think I get it now.

Has the Tennessee state legislature declared 2012 the Year of the Bible? Because I think might have you there.

Schmegeg February 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

OK Kids, let's learn today how to aim and shoot a gun. Now, pick a target!

Naked_Bunny February 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

"Government exists to protect and defend our God-given rights."

You mean life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Those rights?

spinozasgod February 17, 2012 at 2:52 pm

hey kids…..eat the rich!

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Actually, I'm proud of Mr Kook-whatev for attempting to make his point without invoking Hitler, Stalin, or terrorists infiltrating South America. Kudos, Mr. Kook-whatev!

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 3:05 pm

The man's name sounds like someone heard a Model T honking it's horn and decided, "Say! That would make a great last name! Better than Smith!"

actor212 February 17, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Let them eat zygotes!

Guppy February 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You know who else liked it when people looked lean and hungry?

finallyhappy February 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Brutus – or at least he had a lean and hungry look(or someone in the play did)

not that Dewey February 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Robert Atkins?

widestanceromance February 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Anna Wintour?

SorosBot February 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Calvin Klein?

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Nancy Cruzan?

reginagreene February 17, 2012 at 3:05 pm

But of course! Another brilliant bipartisan step! Making them step over the corpses of the other children along their way provides the added benefit of good exercise, helping defeat the scourge of childhood obesity!

chicken_thief February 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

"Government fails when it usurps these bounds."

Someone help me out here – was Kevin leading the charge against having FEMA help out Williamson County when it flooded in May 2010?

bagofmice February 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

At long last, we have a non-catholic who is willing to "Suffer the little children".

EllenStranger February 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Arsehole.

imissopus February 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Our children have been growing up tall and strong for far too many centuries. We want them short, like the North Koreans (those that survive to adulthood, anyway.) Then, like King Jong Il, they will all want shoes with lifts to look taller, which will be great business for our nation's shoemakers. I think it's obvious Kookogey is in the pocket of Big Cobbler.

Tommy1733 February 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

If the rights are God-given, why do we need Government to enforce them? They should be automatic and universal, like laws of nature. These laws of nature are inviolable, yet "God-given rights" are broken frequently under various circumstances.

I guess I conclude this frustratingly dense person is just another example of the many people in our fair country who are under some kind of dumbness spell.

EllenStranger February 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Christ, what an arsehole.

starfanglednut February 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You know who else thought children should be worked and starved to death?

glamourdammerung February 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Republicans?

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Mao?

reginagreene February 17, 2012 at 8:36 pm

My mom?

DaRooster February 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm

How about if they just grab their meals from the AbortionPlex vending machines?

meatlofer February 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm

"Well…..it's not going to be exactly free"-Jerry Sandusky.

Antispandex February 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm

As any rich Teapublican campaign contributer knows, there's no such thing as a free lunch…usually it's a thousand dollars a plate.

WiscDad February 17, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Kookyguy?

lochnessmonster February 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

No birth control…but once they are here they can starve to death…

Walkinwiddaking February 17, 2012 at 5:43 pm

“Kevin Kookogey, come on. No one is named Kevin Kookogey unless he's a complete jerkoff.

fuflans February 17, 2012 at 8:35 pm

what do you expect from the 'lawyer / manager' for mutemath, the band.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleprompt_Records

fuflans February 17, 2012 at 8:38 pm

where does 'pursuit of happiness' fit into all this stuff?

ibwilliamsi February 17, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's so obvious that none of these people have ever been to a third world country.

Loaded_Pants February 17, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Hell, some of them haven't been out of their own state.

gurukalehuru February 18, 2012 at 5:20 am

Kookoo guy

ttommyunger February 18, 2012 at 9:05 am

All of these Right-Wing Nutjob pronouncements make perfect sense if you just close them with one simple statement: "Now watch this drive."

snoopyfan2010 February 18, 2012 at 9:44 am

America is going to,destroy itself. And will be done by the "Real" Americans not the fake ones. As a well known Christian once said "Who is my neighbor?"

JohnnyBrooklyn February 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

I completely agree with Mr. Kookogey. Feeding children sends the wrong message.

Best regards,

Chris Christie

heathenette February 19, 2012 at 12:50 am

You’re all missing the solution here, people. Mr. Swift had this one figured out long ago. The rich should be eating this kids!

Dutchmajician February 19, 2012 at 11:43 pm

If Mr. Kookogey knows any Christians he might ask one of them what Jesus had to say on this subject. He was just another bleeding heart, etc. Savior I guess. Right Kookogey?

not that Dewey February 17, 2012 at 11:20 pm

And pay-per-view cage fights.

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