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Oklahoma’s obtuse personhood law made it through the state Senate on Thursday by a margin of 34 imbeciles to 8 brains, and will now go to the House, where there are even more “interior person”-loving junkies than in the Senate. This means that, yes, fertilized eggs shall have “all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.” So get ready to give your zygotes your old car, hundreds of thousands of dollars in school tuition, and don’t be surprised if their profiles shows up on eHarmony. The bill’s backer, Sen. Brian Crain, clearly doesn’t actually even understand the text of what he put forth, saying that it won’t actually limit contraception access or other things involving contact with zygotes, when actually it will, hugely, you stupid guy, because if a zygote is a person, anyone using the morning-after pill, or performing in vitro fertilization, or doing stem cell research, can be considered a, well, murderer. Great!

This festering wound of an idea will likely get written into law because Oklahoma’s Republican governor, Mary Fallin, “signed every anti-abortion bill sent to her last year.”

Sadly, the bill no longer includes that witty Democrat-penned thing about every sperm being sacred, and then Personhood USA released this gross video commemorating yesterday’s decision in which some asshats ask stupid questions like WHO IS A PERSON? when we already know the “answer” to that: DAMN NEAR EVERY HUMANESQUE THING including flakes of skin and strands of hair.


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