Gingrich Bus Breaks Down In West Hollywood, Everyone Laughs

  life-threatening situations

Newt Gingrich is out in Los Angeles scrubbing a few rich peoples’ toilets with his tongue, for their amusement, in order to lock down whatever fat-cat money’s still out there. He got into town yesterday and what happens, of course, the bus gets a flat tire — in West Hollywood, where a great many homosexuals partake in social activity, according to Internet articles. Did these friendly gay Hollywood liberals help him? Eh, not so much.

89.3 KPCC monitored the Gingrich bus collapse and accumulated a number of real-time reactions from the local hedonistic city snobs, on Twitter:

Gingrich, who is in Los Angeles campaigning, did not receive much sympathy for his vehicle’s mechanical difficulties. Instead, locals took to Twitter with red-white-and-blue language, unsolicited advice, claims of voodoo, musings on karma, and at least one mention of a glitter-bomb.

Did Newt Gingrich survive? Was he safe? No one knows, because the national media has stopped covering him. We’ll find out sooner or later.

[KPCC; Image via Chris Hughes]

 
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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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229 comments

    1. valgal2342

      Oooooooh, now wouldn't that cause a spectacular Calista fit? Maybe she'd whip out that hair talon and start swinging!

  1. ph7

    Newt came from out on the hustings
    In the CPAC room he was everybody's darlin'
    But Newt never lost his head
    Even when he was beggin' for bread
    They said hey Newt, take a walk on the wild side
    Said hey Newt, take a walk on the wild side

    1. Negropolis

      And, even more to the metaphor, broken down in an inhospitable place. It's not like he's been going out with grace.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      The Newt on the bus goes "Wah wah wahhhh". . . .

      The Gaiez around the bus go "Tee hee heee". . . .

      1. smokefilledroommate

        Calista's witchy smile turned into a frown
        into a frown
        into a frown
        Her ugly mouth turned upside down
        And then her hair fell out
        Her lizard skin molted
        In her tears she drowned
        She melted into a useless puddle
        on the ground..

    2. James Michael Curley

      The Gingrich campaign fades out, credits roll and the end credit music is written by Woody Guthrie. Love it.

      1. Tilley

        Gingrich/Christie 2012! They'll watch the returns at that Heart Attack Cafe in Vegas, where they can both eat for free!

      2. James Michael Curley

        There isn't enough media to cover Christie either. That stuff comes only in Twin, Full, Queen and King Size.

  2. nounverb911

    OT
    Attention Seattle area Wonkettes!

    Just to remind you that Barry O will be in Everett tomorrow picking out the colors for his new ride at the Boeing plant, then screwing up traffic in Bellevue and Medina.

      1. Gunner Asch

        I had a private line teletype out at the 767 assembly plant at Everett in '79 or thereabouts. The operator kept a paper mache' pyramid suspended above the machine and swore that kept it functioning properly.

    1. MissTaken

      Good, because he's screwing up the traffic in SF today so we'll be glad to pass him off to our northern friends. Enjoy!

        1. MissTaken

          5th and Mission, just one block down from where I normally rub Steverino's balls, is completely closed all day. No ball rubbing for me.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I seriously… what is happening with his ass there? Does he have a bulletproof assjacket on? Every time I have seen a photo of Barry's bum, I have been disappointed in the lack of cheekitude. This photo is positively worthy of a Sir Mix-a-lot song.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            If I get a chance, you had better believe I will be groping the hell out of that sweet, sweet ass.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Yeah, we've been warned not to do anything stupid. My office is right across from Paine, and I guess the security will be out in force tomorrow.

      1. Geminisunmars

        "Yeah, we've been warned not to do anything stupid."

        Guess you won't be visting the Wonkete then, will you.

    3. gout

      Yup, the black helicopters have been flying around Paine field. Seriously…a flock of black helicopters.

  3. Callyson

    Newt Gingrich is out in Los Angeles
    Oh, so *that's* the source of the foul odor in the air here today…

  4. DerrickWildcat

    Going down in Hollywood
    You better hope that you don't run out of gas
    Down in Hollywood
    He'll drag you right out of your bus and kick your ass
    Down in Hollywood
    They're standing on a corner waiting for a sucker like you
    Down in Hollywood

  5. Pragmatist2

    Is "my bus broke down in West Hollywood" a new code phrase like "I was hiking the Appalachian Trail" or "I have a wide stance"?

      1. flamingpdog

        ♪ I saw a gecko with a Chinese GPS in his hand
        Walkin' through the streets of WeHo in the night
        He was lookin' for the place called Les Schwab Tires
        Gonna get a big dishing of beef real tight. ♪

      2. Gunner Asch

        Here in eastern Oregon a job at Les Schwab is highly prized. Had a cowboy one time constantly muttering under his breath about how he "could'a had a job at Les Schwab" if it were not for some quirk of fate I now forget.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Damn cataract. I was trying to figure out what Michelle Malkin had to do with new tires. Then it occurred to me, Rubbers.

    1. vtxmcrider

      Nah, Callista is an adulterous whore. If someone tries to force her to keep her legs closed, she will just roll over and take it up the ass instead.

  6. Hera Sent Me

    Remember Sherman McCoy, Newt. Don't hit a ghey with your bus on the way out.

    It won't work out well.

  7. Come here a minute

    The West Hollywood residents were just following the old saying, "If the bus is rocking, don't come knocking." (It was rocking because Newt was going from one bus bathroom to the other bus bathroom.)

  8. smashedinhat

    Drama queen. Imagine the scrambling to get Newt and his pet viper into a secure SUV wagon train and away.

    Oh wait, no money!

    Har har!!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, well, "the wheels coming off" is supposed to be a metaphor too.

      For a historian, Newt sure gets a lot of this stuff wrong.

  9. FannyBurney

    Memo to Newt: This is what happens when you borrow Sarah Palin's Tour to Nowhere Bus and put new shrink wrap on it.

  10. DaRooster

    What about the debate?
    Is he gonna drop out too?
    (sorry… cancelled)

    Also, he should call that one Blah guy… he has a bus nEWt can borrow.

  11. Man0nTheStreet

    PigNewton was looking for CPAC West!

    But at least the friendly gay Hollywood liberals re-filled his Santorum tanks, and used the excess to clean his bus windows inside and out…

  12. bureaucrap

    His next big campaign event was going to be standing on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd. and Robertson and yelling "Hey you kids, stop getting married! That's just for us heteros!" at all the club kids.

  13. littlebigdaddy

    All I wanna do is have some fun
    I got a feeling I'm not the only one
    All I wanna do is have some fun
    I got a feeling I'm not the only one
    All I wanna do is have some fun
    Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

  14. SorosBot

    I kind of wish this could have happened to Michele Bachmann; just think how she would freak out being surrounded by all those gays with no way to run away.

    1. BigDumbRedDog

      Michele has a panic room in the back of the bus in case of a lesbian attack. Marcus, however, would have the opposite reaction to weho.

      1. SorosBot

        She really is paranoid, like she can catch the lesbianism from too much contact. Which makes me wonder if she, like Marcus, has some repressed desires that she refuses to admit to herself.

      1. SorosBot

        Just imagine what sex between those two is like; probably doggy-style, so that Marcus can imagine she's a strapping young man. Never in a position where he can see her face or breasts.

  15. CapnFatback

    ♫ "I wish my bus didn't stop in Hollywood on our drive,
    My fantasy world is of cellulite villains and their third wives,
    Because cellulite villains never have to explain
    And cellulite villains never really diet." ♫

        1. yyyaz

          Lessee, our patience? No, that's not it….credulity? Nix. The limits of good taste? Negative. … Wait, wait, it's coming to me now…..I've got it! Callista's cooter!!111!!!1

      1. Man0nTheStreet

        But sadly, the bronzing wasn't enough to save it from erosion and collapse due to "a previous history of mucus membrane contact".

        1. Tundra Grifter

          R2:

          Sorry to bring up a sad memory.

          When someone in real life uses a line like that, they have usually been saving it for a long time. And, more often than not, it is delivered in a somewhat inappropriate situation.

          Kind of like the way Ole Newt dishes out his zingers during the debates.

          1. RavenRant

            I was actually in a skit with them for AIDS Project Los Angeles. I was the drab vanilla straight girl auditioning for the fabulous WeHo Cheerleader squad.

  16. reginagreene

    Not fair. Newt wasn't out in Hollywood trolling for money. Hollywood brought him out because it needed a crackerjack historian.

  17. Beowoof

    Newt cruising West Hollywood. Not really a surprise that another old republican is looking for gay sex.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    Hope it didn't make him late for the second day in a row. It's not the "Toady Re-Tardy Tea Party," is it?

  19. ManchuCandidate

    Every day I turn on the TV (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    To see that fat ass that lies to you (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    His bus goes only one more mile (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    Thank you, driver, for stranding him there (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    You'll be an hero, have no fear (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    Newt'll just want to cause some fuss (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    But does anyone want to fix the Gingrich Bus? (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
    Nooooooooo!

    1. James Michael Curley

      You are so good at these song parodies. I was thinking "Not Goin' Mobile" but would take hours to do it.

  20. Mumbletypeg

    *pulls up MacPaint app*

    Wonkette judges, are you sure you wouldn't accept a drawing of Maher in & around Studio 33 laffing at these Newt-mobile hijinks instead? Suddenly Pope Ratz seems an insufficient, under-stimulating study.

  21. Antispandex

    This is why the Newt wants to be President…your bus never breaks down. Oh, and the only gays you have to worry about are the Republican Congressmen who hang out in the public johns.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    I'll bet Newt's army of grateful, joyous street urchins ran right out there and changed the tire lickety-split, with the alacrity and aplomb one would expect of little black children who've finally been taught how to show up for work in the morning.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Holy shit. I had a dog named Cassidy after that GD song, but I haven't heard it in forevah. In 1988 I was 16 and fell in love with Neal Cassady and the idea of all the beats, the hippie freaks – it seemed like they were from some long ago romantic time when drugs were free and living on a bus, or just "on the road" would be fun. Like how some real young people think of Kurt Cobain now. Sorry. I just made myself sick.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Neal Cassady is dead. Died in Mexico, walking along a rail road track shwinging his three pound sledge hammer; just like it is depicted in the epilogue of the paper back version of "Electric Kool-Aide Acid Test". Circumstances were shrouded in the usual Mexican manner of the period but those who were with him the night before said he was doing downers. Would be in the neighborhood of 95 if he were still alive.

      Kesey's dead. Further (Not Furthur you white suited, pretentious poofter) still sits on Kesey's property in Oregon. Without doing an internet search I don't know if its status has changed now that it is the star of the movie.

      1. FlownOver

        Wiki this, you lit-phobic revisionist cretin:

        "The original bus had Furthur written in the destination sign for a brief period and Tom Wolfe called the bus Furthur in his book, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test."

        We devotees of Original Intent (and the occasional rhetorical question) reaffirm the previous comment.

        Love and kisses,
        FO

  23. ibwilliamsi

    I've been to LA, I've driven through LA. To be fair, I don't live there. Maybe someone can explain to me exactly where he might be trying to get to by driving through West Hollywood?

    1. imissopus

      Based on the direction the bus is pointed, conceivably he could have been headed for the 101 freeway so he could get the hell out of town as fast as possible.

    2. Negropolis

      Maybe he was trying to get to Beverly Hills or Santa Monica? If you're in Hollywood proper, the most direct route is Santa Monica Boulvard or Sunset, which I think run right along West Hollywood. Or, if he was trying to get back to Hollywood from the west.

  24. Tommmcattt

    Waaaiiittt…I know I've been away a little while, but Newell is back? NEWELL!?!??!?

    Awesome.

    HAY JIM! SHOW US YOUR BUTT!

  25. SheriffRoscoe

    This same thing happened in Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert. Only instead of West Hollywood, they broke down in Bumfuck Australia, and instead of Newt Gingrich, it was a bus full of drag queens.

    1. Chichikovovich

      The fact is, it's a pretty hackneyed theme. Same thing happened in The Longest Day, except instead of West Hollywood, it was Normandy, and instead of a bus, it was a bunch of amphibious landing craft, and instead of breaking down they made it to the beach – most of them anyway – and instead of Newt Gingrich it was the American, British and Canadian Armies, and instead of a capstone bungle of a bungle-happy bungling campaign run by bunglers for the sake of a bungler, it was the most complicated coordinated military assault in history, and an astonishing success.

      But setting aside those differences this is an astonishing life-imitates-art moment.

  26. ElPinche

    He better put a ribbon around Callista's neck so he doesn't mix her up with the other sex blow-up dolls.

    1. yyyaz

      Trying to hold the names of Ken Kesey and the Newt in one's brain at the same time is just asking for trouble. The fat, pasty amphibian isn't worthy to light a Kesey fart.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Just Further and not Furthur as was misapplied in Tom Wolfe's book "Electric Kool-Aide Acid Test." A second bus was done in the late 1980's by Kesey and both are sitting on the farm Kesey owned in Oregon when he was still alive.

  27. fuflans

    i have heard some hollywood legend of some hollywood diva (davis? grable?) saying, (when asked by a starlet how to get ahead): "take fairfax".

    newt broke down a block away apparently.

    it's good to know hollywood kicks EVERYONE'S ass.

    1. James Michael Curley

      The joke was "how do you get to Hollywood?" Take Fairfax! Which runs from Watts, across Wilshire Boulevard and into West Hollywood almost I always felt WeHo did not start until you got to the Roxy.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      It's kinda neat to have Uncle Pat out and Rev Al in – sorta like low-grade payback for all that Nixon shit. You KNOW that it bugs that man…Don't I remember you saying that you didn't have cable or don't really watch TV or something at some point? That kinda stuff gives me a panic attack. Have you fixed that? Mostly I am so in love with Chris Hayes' show that I haven't been hating on GE's news outlet much. (I don't watch Morning Joe, ever.)

      1. SorosBot

        Nah, don't have cable; have a digital antenna and I do watch some of that stuff online though. This softens the blow of Colbert suspending his show – it's because his 91-year-old mother is really sick, so both understandable and sad.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Ah man, I saw there was a family emergency preempting it all, I didn't know it was his Mama. I will hope for the best, especially since she's one of the people I truly appreciate in life, what with putting him on the planet and all.

        2. ElPinche

          Wha? I did not know this. Awww, Colbert is such a sweetheart. (I'm not being sarcastic , FOR ONCE!!1!)

      2. mayor_quimby

        Chris Hayes' show is almost a reason for me to wake UP! Early on weekends. almost
        I do DVR the shit out of it, and they are smart enough to rerun it during civilized times in place of Prison: Get Shanked

  28. onemoretime79

    It's a symbol. What it's a symbol of, I leave to your imagination. I had to log in to LMFAO and let y'all know, Wonkette rocks my world. I'm not so funny as many commentators here, but by god I'm practically in love with each & every one of the regulars. So merci, y'all. Always.

  29. Negropolis

    Sure, it totally "broke down" in West Hollywood. How convenient. Looks like Newt has already tried the straight marriages, so he's moving onto to gay marriages. Why the hell not?

    I hope that his bus was fabulously vandalized. lol

  30. MissNancyPriss

    If only it had ended with a coven of witches encircling the tour bus in fire, in a brutal automotive showdown between the Gingrich's and their cultist tormentors ala "Race with the Devil".

        1. Radiotherapy

          I've always found it strange, and worthy of a few PhD dissertations, that the evil winning in the end ended with Raygun. Also, the whole torture genre, Saw, Hostel, etc. was prevalent during the Bushy the Younger years.

          1. ShaveTheWhales

            I always thought it was obvious. Once we had Ronnie, how could any fictional ending be worse? What would be the point?

  31. DahBoner

    OK, so a man walks into a restaurant called Heart Attack Grill, orders the 6,000-calorie “Triple Bypass Burger,” and leaves on a stretcher…

  32. ttommyunger

    When Newt was asked why it took five hours to replace the flat, he calmly replied: "You try changing a flat without bending over.".

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