Newt Gingrich is out in Los Angeles scrubbing a few rich peoples’ toilets with his tongue, for their amusement, in order to lock down whatever fat-cat money’s still out there. He got into town yesterday and what happens, of course, the bus gets a flat tire — in West Hollywood, where a great many homosexuals partake in social activity, according to Internet articles. Did these friendly gay Hollywood liberals help him? Eh, not so much.
89.3 KPCC monitored the Gingrich bus collapse and accumulated a number of real-time reactions from the local hedonistic city snobs, on Twitter:
Gingrich, who is in Los Angeles campaigning, did not receive much sympathy for his vehicle’s mechanical difficulties. Instead, locals took to Twitter with red-white-and-blue language, unsolicited advice, claims of voodoo, musings on karma, and at least one mention of a glitter-bomb.
Did Newt Gingrich survive? Was he safe? No one knows, because the national media has stopped covering him. We’ll find out sooner or later.
[KPCC; Image via Chris Hughes]
{ 229 comments }
Was Newt out looking for Hugh Grant's hooker?
I think he was looking for Eddie Murphy's hooker.
Now we know why she retired.
Oooooooh, now wouldn't that cause a spectacular Calista fit? Maybe she'd whip out that hair talon and start swinging!
Watch out! It's sharp!
I always wondered what to call that thing. Good choice!
He was hoping to play Julia Roberts' role in "Pretty Woman 2: The Newtie is a Tramp".
Aren't we all…
I didn't even know Callista was sick!
At least Newt,has a couple of spare tires.
Now that his bus has been re tired, so shall he.
Newt came from out on the hustings
In the CPAC room he was everybody's darlin'
But Newt never lost his head
Even when he was beggin' for bread
They said hey Newt, take a walk on the wild side
Said hey Newt, take a walk on the wild side
And the colored girls go, "DIE, die DIE, die DIE, die die DIE!"
And Newt's next wife- Lola?
This is what a metaphor looks like. Gingrich campaign=broken down bus.
I'm glad I read down thread before I posted your exact comment.
An objective correlative for Newtie and his fans.
And, even more to the metaphor, broken down in an inhospitable place. It's not like he's been going out with grace.
The wheels on the bus go "pop pop ssssssssssssssssss," all through the town….
The Newt on the bus goes "Wah wah wahhhh". . . .
The Gaiez around the bus go "Tee hee heee". . . .
Calista's witchy smile turned into a frown
into a frown
into a frown
Her ugly mouth turned upside down
And then her hair fell out
Her lizard skin molted
In her tears she drowned
She melted into a useless puddle
on the ground..
The Gingrich campaign fades out, credits roll and the end credit music is written by Woody Guthrie. Love it.
Fat fuck broke his own bus because he's a fat fuck.
Just wait until Chris Christie runs.
Chris Christie doesn't run for anything. He lounges.
Or takes a helicopter.
Just wait until Chris Christie runs.
Better grab a Snickers. Going to be a looooong wait…
Gingrich/Christie 2012! They'll watch the returns at that Heart Attack Cafe in Vegas, where they can both eat for free!
There isn't enough media to cover Christie either. That stuff comes only in Twin, Full, Queen and King Size.
Newt who?
BWAHAHAHA!
OT
Attention Seattle area Wonkettes!
Just to remind you that Barry O will be in Everett tomorrow picking out the colors for his new ride at the Boeing plant, then screwing up traffic in Bellevue and Medina.
Hey, that's my hood. Everett, not Medina. I'm one of those poors you keep hearing about.
I had a private line teletype out at the 767 assembly plant at Everett in '79 or thereabouts. The operator kept a paper mache' pyramid suspended above the machine and swore that kept it functioning properly.
Now, there's Total Quality Management.
Good, because he's screwing up the traffic in SF today so we'll be glad to pass him off to our northern friends. Enjoy!
After seeing normal traffic in SF I dread the thought of what it must be like when it's even worse.
5th and Mission, just one block down from where I normally rub Steverino's balls, is completely closed all day. No ball rubbing for me.
Oh, man! I'm flying into Seattle tomorrow.
I have never been so jealous of the ladies in Chinatown before. I would pay good money to grab the President's ass.
http://blog.sfgate.com/cityinsider/2012/02/16/oba…
Oh my, those old ladies really were copping feels there.
Yep, and they weren't even trying to pretend they weren't playing grab ass.
I seriously… what is happening with his ass there? Does he have a bulletproof assjacket on? Every time I have seen a photo of Barry's bum, I have been disappointed in the lack of cheekitude. This photo is positively worthy of a Sir Mix-a-lot song.
Maybe you can cop a feel tomorrow? Seems like he enjoys it
If I get a chance, you had better believe I will be groping the hell out of that sweet, sweet ass.
Who wouldn't!
Yeah, we've been warned not to do anything stupid. My office is right across from Paine, and I guess the security will be out in force tomorrow.
"Yeah, we've been warned not to do anything stupid."
Guess you won't be visting the Wonkete then, will you.
Yup, the black helicopters have been flying around Paine field. Seriously…a flock of black helicopters.
I believe if their Obama's copters they would be blah helicopters.
Newt Gingrich is out in Los Angeles
Oh, so *that's* the source of the foul odor in the air here today…
Going down in Hollywood
You better hope that you don't run out of gas
Down in Hollywood
He'll drag you right out of your bus and kick your ass
Down in Hollywood
They're standing on a corner waiting for a sucker like you
Down in Hollywood
Needs moar Concrete Blond. And I'm not talking about Callista.
Is "my bus broke down in West Hollywood" a new code phrase like "I was hiking the Appalachian Trail" or "I have a wide stance"?
same as "wide stance" and possibly "ham biscuits"
I hope they vandalize it by tagging it with a huge cock and balls.
Plug the tail pipe with a banana.
Plug the tailpipe with santorum.
In the end… it's ALL Santorum…
Maybe an IED?
an IED that looks like a huge cockaballs!
It doesn't already have Bus Nutz?
grandiose newt would welcome any attention
I wonder if his looking like the Michelin Man entitles him to a discount on new tires.
I was thinking they could just use him as a spare.
http://ts1.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=15…
Newt, on a good day.
The only person(oid) whiter than Newt.
Newt on an even better day.
MY EYES!!!!
*calls therapist.
Bibendum libel!
Nunc est bibendum!
He simply reached into his abdomen and tossed 5 or 6 spares at the flats!
If he goes to Les Schwab he can get some free beef. Although I'm sure he's getting plenty of beef in West Hollywood
http://www.lesschwab.com/about
♪ I saw a gecko with a Chinese GPS in his hand
Walkin' through the streets of WeHo in the night
He was lookin' for the place called Les Schwab Tires
Gonna get a big dishing of beef real tight. ♪
So sorry I can only upfist this once.
I keep hitting the upfist button, but alas, I can only give you one.
Here in eastern Oregon a job at Les Schwab is highly prized. Had a cowboy one time constantly muttering under his breath about how he "could'a had a job at Les Schwab" if it were not for some quirk of fate I now forget.
Damn cataract. I was trying to figure out what Michelle Malkin had to do with new tires. Then it occurred to me, Rubbers.
oh the pity that her father didn't use one.
Newt is a flat tire.
Can Calistra put that tire between her knees instead of Foster Friess' aspirin?
Nah, Callista is an adulterous whore. If someone tries to force her to keep her legs closed, she will just roll over and take it up the ass instead.
Remember Sherman McCoy, Newt. Don't hit a ghey with your bus on the way out.
It won't work out well.
Bonfire of the Inanities?
Frankie says Relax, don't Newt it.
"Flat tire in WeHo" is the new wide stance.
he completely blew it
The West Hollywood residents were just following the old saying, "If the bus is rocking, don't come knocking." (It was rocking because Newt was going from one bus bathroom to the other bus bathroom.)
Well, the bus certainly had excess weight on it.
Drama queen. Imagine the scrambling to get Newt and his pet viper into a secure SUV wagon train and away.
Oh wait, no money!
Har har!!
Much like his campaign. No gas, tires flat.
I bet Newt has tons of gas.
I'm sure the transvestites kept bugging Callista for make-up tips.
But I thought most of them prefer to look like human women, not birdlike aliens.
Tranny libel!
If Coulter was with them the trannies could help her with hiding her Adam's apple.
It hasn't been a Goodyear so far for Newt.
Best one yet!
But what Newt needs is a Goodrich year.
Too bad the nearest Big O is in Santa Monica
"Rebuilding The America We Love"
One flat tire at a time.
At least Newt's got a spare tire on him.
Or four.
Newt, throwing someone under the bus is a metaphor. You shouldn't really have done that to your pollster, even when he reported you are the most disliked politician in history.
Yeah, well, "the wheels coming off" is supposed to be a metaphor too.
For a historian, Newt sure gets a lot of this stuff wrong.
Memo to Newt: This is what happens when you borrow Sarah Palin's Tour to Nowhere Bus and put new shrink wrap on it.
Gingrich breaks down in West Hollywood, and Santorum makes an appearance. Film at 11.
What about the debate?
Is he gonna drop out too?
(sorry… cancelled)
Also, he should call that one Blah guy… he has a bus nEWt can borrow.
PigNewton was looking for CPAC West!
But at least the friendly gay Hollywood liberals re-filled his Santorum tanks, and used the excess to clean his bus windows inside and out…
He's scoring some tiger blood from Charlie Sheen?
His next big campaign event was going to be standing on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd. and Robertson and yelling "Hey you kids, stop getting married! That's just for us heteros!" at all the club kids.
BEHAVE YOURSELVES!!!!
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
Hope you sing that with the requisite sneer…
Worst pr0n plot ever.
Did anyone ask him if he will allow gays on the moon?
I kind of wish this could have happened to Michele Bachmann; just think how she would freak out being surrounded by all those gays with no way to run away.
Michele has a panic room in the back of the bus in case of a lesbian attack. Marcus, however, would have the opposite reaction to weho.
She really is paranoid, like she can catch the lesbianism from too much contact. Which makes me wonder if she, like Marcus, has some repressed desires that she refuses to admit to herself.
I'd love if her bus had an ejection seat, and it shot her right out of the top. lol
I'm sure Michele is surrounded by a gay man most nights. Well, at least when Marcus is at home.
Just imagine what sex between those two is like; probably doggy-style, so that Marcus can imagine she's a strapping young man. Never in a position where he can see her face or breasts.
I picture Marcus as the bottom in that relationship.
They have sex?
♫ "I wish my bus didn't stop in Hollywood on our drive,
My fantasy world is of cellulite villains and their third wives,
Because cellulite villains never have to explain
And cellulite villains never really diet." ♫
It's a stretch, but a thousand thumbs up for a Kinks classic. Sniff (blows nose, wipes eyes.)
Trouser waistlines, wedding vows, the truth–what doesn't Gingrich stretch?
Lessee, our patience? No, that's not it….credulity? Nix. The limits of good taste? Negative. … Wait, wait, it's coming to me now…..I've got it! Callista's cooter!!111!!!1
Mean Sex Stigma
Isn't West Hollywood where Calligulista started her illustrious career?
They bronzed her favorite pole.
But sadly, the bronzing wasn't enough to save it from erosion and collapse due to "a previous history of mucus membrane contact".
The Gheyz couldn't help, they were too busy trading fashion tips with Callista.
"Calista, Honey, that's not a 'hairdo,' that's a 'hairdon't!'"
I was once on the receiving end of that line, uttered by one of the West Hollywood Cheerleaders.
West Hollywood Cheerleaders
R2:
Sorry to bring up a sad memory.
When someone in real life uses a line like that, they have usually been saving it for a long time. And, more often than not, it is delivered in a somewhat inappropriate situation.
Kind of like the way Ole Newt dishes out his zingers during the debates.
I was actually in a skit with them for AIDS Project Los Angeles. I was the drab vanilla straight girl auditioning for the fabulous WeHo Cheerleader squad.
Not fair. Newt wasn't out in Hollywood trolling for money. Hollywood brought him out because it needed a crackerjack historian.
Newt cruising West Hollywood. Not really a surprise that another old republican is looking for gay sex.
I hope the trees were the correct height, because the cars were probably not mostly American-made.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57379098-5…
Wrong candidate? They all look alike, you know
He hid out in the GOP safe house, a lesbian bondage strip club.
Ole Newt was trying to cross the aisle and just about tipped that sucker on over.
Hope it didn't make him late for the second day in a row. It's not the "Toady Re-Tardy Tea Party," is it?
Every day I turn on the TV (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
To see that fat ass that lies to you (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
His bus goes only one more mile (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
Thank you, driver, for stranding him there (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
You'll be an hero, have no fear (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
Newt'll just want to cause some fuss (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
But does anyone want to fix the Gingrich Bus? (Too much, the Gingrich Bus)
Nooooooooo!
You can buy the Gingrich Bus for ONE HUNDRED MILLION USA DOLLARS. Also, "Lean Six Sigma".
Who?
Indeed.
You are so good at these song parodies. I was thinking "Not Goin' Mobile" but would take hours to do it.
When he heard the tire pop, he thought it was Callista's botox face exploding.
I thought he thought it was her hair helmet cracking.
Or pussyfarts?
Sorry.
If the carpets match the drapes, so no need to apologize.
*pulls up MacPaint app*
Wonkette judges, are you sure you wouldn't accept a drawing of Maher in & around Studio 33 laffing at these Newt-mobile hijinks instead? Suddenly Pope Ratz seems an insufficient, under-stimulating study.
This is why the Newt wants to be President…your bus never breaks down. Oh, and the only gays you have to worry about are the Republican Congressmen who hang out in the public johns.
But the limo can get high-centered in Ireland.
I'll bet Newt's army of grateful, joyous street urchins ran right out there and changed the tire lickety-split, with the alacrity and aplomb one would expect of little black children who've finally been taught how to show up for work in the morning.
Q. How fast is lickety-split?
A. 69.
More upfisties if I had them.
ROTFLMAO! That is so wrong. lol
Ah yes, lickety-split at the crack of Dawn/Don.
Of course in no time, Newton cold ditched the bus for a younger, prettier and less sick bus.
If he'd only been aboard Furthur with Kesey back in the day none of this would be happening.
Instead, where's Cassady when we need him?
Good question.
~
Holy shit. I had a dog named Cassidy after that GD song, but I haven't heard it in forevah. In 1988 I was 16 and fell in love with Neal Cassady and the idea of all the beats, the hippie freaks – it seemed like they were from some long ago romantic time when drugs were free and living on a bus, or just "on the road" would be fun. Like how some real young people think of Kurt Cobain now. Sorry. I just made myself sick.
Maybe this will help. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3qHvLoZf5U
Neal Cassady is dead. Died in Mexico, walking along a rail road track shwinging his three pound sledge hammer; just like it is depicted in the epilogue of the paper back version of "Electric Kool-Aide Acid Test". Circumstances were shrouded in the usual Mexican manner of the period but those who were with him the night before said he was doing downers. Would be in the neighborhood of 95 if he were still alive.
Kesey's dead. Further (Not Furthur you white suited, pretentious poofter) still sits on Kesey's property in Oregon. Without doing an internet search I don't know if its status has changed now that it is the star of the movie.
Wiki this, you lit-phobic revisionist cretin:
"The original bus had Furthur written in the destination sign for a brief period and Tom Wolfe called the bus Furthur in his book, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test."
We devotees of Original Intent (and the occasional rhetorical question) reaffirm the previous comment.
Love and kisses,
FO
Am I going to have to come back there and smack you with this copy of Smithsonian Magazine? <a href="http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-places/Magical_Mystery_Tour.htmlhttp://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-places/Magic… />A Minnesota Public Radio review of the “Magic Trip” movie which is made from footage Kesey shot in 1964 shows the original Further with it clearly spelled Further. http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2011…
"(Not Furthur you white suited, pretentious poofter)" is a reference to Wolfe not you.
Now, let's be specific. Is Newt cleaning toilet rims, or giving rim jobs?
There is no way Newt's huge fucking head fits into that bus.
I can't tell which one is bigger: his head, his ego, or his tits.
His hubris?
Does this bus stop at the Santa Monica pier?
If not, then there's gonna be a really big splash…
Searching for his sister, I'm sure.
I've been to LA, I've driven through LA. To be fair, I don't live there. Maybe someone can explain to me exactly where he might be trying to get to by driving through West Hollywood?
That's a quite profound question.
I think there's a certain lesbian bondage club frequented by other Republicans near there.
Oh, look! http://voyeur7969.com/
Callista had just finished a "One Night Only" VIP fundraiser there.
burgers at Tommy's? (Not to be confused with "Tommies", "Tammies", "Timmies", etc)
well, the laugh factory is right nearby?
Based on the direction the bus is pointed, conceivably he could have been headed for the 101 freeway so he could get the hell out of town as fast as possible.
Maybe he was trying to get to Beverly Hills or Santa Monica? If you're in Hollywood proper, the most direct route is Santa Monica Boulvard or Sunset, which I think run right along West Hollywood. Or, if he was trying to get back to Hollywood from the west.
The point?
This is how he's taking his campaign all the way to Tampa.
Gingrich…Everyone Laughs
So it's safe to say his campaign has come full circle then, right?
Waaaiiittt…I know I've been away a little while, but Newell is back? NEWELL!?!??!?
Awesome.
HAY JIM! SHOW US YOUR BUTT!
When I get a flat tire, I change it myself. Just like Newt.
A broken-down campaign bus is the perfect example of what I mean by the rise of paganism.
He was just checking out those sweet clubs that Michael Steele recommended on Yelp.
This same thing happened in Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert. Only instead of West Hollywood, they broke down in Bumfuck Australia, and instead of Newt Gingrich, it was a bus full of drag queens.
Bus Full Of Drag Queens 2012!
Other than that though, exactly the same.
The fact is, it's a pretty hackneyed theme. Same thing happened in The Longest Day, except instead of West Hollywood, it was Normandy, and instead of a bus, it was a bunch of amphibious landing craft, and instead of breaking down they made it to the beach – most of them anyway – and instead of Newt Gingrich it was the American, British and Canadian Armies, and instead of a capstone bungle of a bungle-happy bungling campaign run by bunglers for the sake of a bungler, it was the most complicated coordinated military assault in history, and an astonishing success.
But setting aside those differences this is an astonishing life-imitates-art moment.
Weird. That sounds just like this video game I used to play.
Potato, potato.
Too much, Magic Bus.
They're all Bozos on that bus.
He better put a ribbon around Callista's neck so he doesn't mix her up with the other sex blow-up dolls.
Around front, the bus's Destination Sign said:
NO FURTHER
Trying to hold the names of Ken Kesey and the Newt in one's brain at the same time is just asking for trouble. The fat, pasty amphibian isn't worthy to light a Kesey fart.
Just Further and not Furthur as was misapplied in Tom Wolfe's book "Electric Kool-Aide Acid Test." A second bus was done in the late 1980's by Kesey and both are sitting on the farm Kesey owned in Oregon when he was still alive.
i have heard some hollywood legend of some hollywood diva (davis? grable?) saying, (when asked by a starlet how to get ahead): "take fairfax".
newt broke down a block away apparently.
it's good to know hollywood kicks EVERYONE'S ass.
The joke was "how do you get to Hollywood?" Take Fairfax! Which runs from Watts, across Wilshire Boulevard and into West Hollywood almost I always felt WeHo did not start until you got to the Roxy.
looks like newt's bus IS the metro.
OT but good news: MSNBC has finally officially canned the giant racist ass Pat Buchanan:
http://mediamatters.org/blog/201202160016
It's kinda neat to have Uncle Pat out and Rev Al in – sorta like low-grade payback for all that Nixon shit. You KNOW that it bugs that man…Don't I remember you saying that you didn't have cable or don't really watch TV or something at some point? That kinda stuff gives me a panic attack. Have you fixed that? Mostly I am so in love with Chris Hayes' show that I haven't been hating on GE's news outlet much. (I don't watch Morning Joe, ever.)
Nah, don't have cable; have a digital antenna and I do watch some of that stuff online though. This softens the blow of Colbert suspending his show – it's because his 91-year-old mother is really sick, so both understandable and sad.
Ah man, I saw there was a family emergency preempting it all, I didn't know it was his Mama. I will hope for the best, especially since she's one of the people I truly appreciate in life, what with putting him on the planet and all.
Wha? I did not know this. Awww, Colbert is such a sweetheart. (I'm not being sarcastic , FOR ONCE!!1!)
Chris Hayes' show is almost a reason for me to wake UP! Early on weekends. almost
I do DVR the shit out of it, and they are smart enough to rerun it during civilized times in place of Prison: Get Shanked
Pat on FoxNews in 1,2,3…
No, Current, where all canned & disgruntled MSNBC personalities go.
And of course, the party of personal responsibility blames the media for firing the moron due to his own actions.
Bus on loan from Lean Six Sigma.
betcha there was a Tiffiany';s within walking distance
It's a symbol. What it's a symbol of, I leave to your imagination. I had to log in to LMFAO and let y'all know, Wonkette rocks my world. I'm not so funny as many commentators here, but by god I'm practically in love with each & every one of the regulars. So merci, y'all. Always.
Sure, it totally "broke down" in West Hollywood. How convenient. Looks like Newt has already tried the straight marriages, so he's moving onto to gay marriages. Why the hell not?
I hope that his bus was fabulously vandalized. lol
If only it had ended with a coven of witches encircling the tour bus in fire, in a brutal automotive showdown between the Gingrich's and their cultist tormentors ala "Race with the Devil".
Ah, 70's movies, where evil always wins in the end.
hollywood has never been that brave again
I've always found it strange, and worthy of a few PhD dissertations, that the evil winning in the end ended with Raygun. Also, the whole torture genre, Saw, Hostel, etc. was prevalent during the Bushy the Younger years.
I always thought it was obvious. Once we had Ronnie, how could any fictional ending be worse? What would be the point?
He was paying a visit to kids cleaning the schools bathrooms.
OK, so a man walks into a restaurant called Heart Attack Grill, orders the 6,000-calorie “Triple Bypass Burger,” and leaves on a stretcher…
When Newt was asked why it took five hours to replace the flat, he calmly replied: "You try changing a flat without bending over.".
Fun fact: Newt got the flat while rolloing over an ex-wife.
Please, somebody strap on some TruckNutz.
Drooooool.
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