BEST FRONTRUNNER EVER  2:58 pm February 16, 2012

Mitt Romney & Rick Santorum Pull Out Of March Debate, CNN Cancels

by Jim Newell

Precious Mittens McRomney is too scared to debate his three historically incompetent remaining rivals on March 1, in Georgia. That means next week’s debate in Arizona will be his last until March 19, by which time he hopes to have purchased the Republican party’s presidential nomination. Now everyone go in the comments and call Mitt Romney a pussy, thx. UPDATE: Oh and now Rick Santorum has dropped out, too? It is raining pussies today. But a Gingrich-Paul-only debate moderated by Wolf Blitzer could be hilarious, for 20 minutes or so. UPDATE II: Today, we are all pussies. CNN has canceled the debate. How will the people of Georgia make an informed decision when they head to the polls now? UPDATE III: Anyone else want to drop out of or cancel anything? Fill it in here, ______________________, we’re done with this post. UPDATE IV: The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

 

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{ 112 comments }

johnnyzhivago February 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

What a pussy!

Swampgas_Man February 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm

That black&white graphic up there indeed resembles what I see when I look at pussy.

nounverb911 February 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

It should be fun watching Newt talk to himself.

Oh and Mitt's a pussy.

weej_bain February 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Newt can talk to himself for hours. Rhetorical fapping, as it were, kinda, sorta.

ttommyunger February 17, 2012 at 9:07 am

Newt requires no listeners, just like my first wife.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Purchased the Republican party's nomination.

I bet he used a coupon to seem "every man".

Callyson February 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I prefer "limp dick."
Oh, OK, if you insist…pussy!

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

How about flaccid, wasted, manhood?

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Running away from the debates really makes him look strong and presidential.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Not only that, look how he is running; arms flailing like windmills.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Like a pussy?

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

A strong and presidential pussy that is.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm

While I didn't support Hillary – mostly because of the whole voting for the Iraq war thing – I do hope we get a strong Presidential pussy at some point within the next decade or two; it's about time.

imissopus February 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Psst, dude – you already closed the deal…

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I believe he's looking for a contract extension.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm

What, am I supposed to stop saying nice things (that I already believe) to my girl now that we've slept together? What do I look like, a fratboy douche?

Barb February 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Mitt is a pussy. Love ya, Jim!

coolhandnuke February 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

What a cunning stunt.

yrbmegr February 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I see what you did there. You called Mitt Romney a pussy.

JoeHoya February 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Relax, it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover.

BaldarTFlagass February 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Chicken shit.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Is it me or does the GOP lineup remind you of a Scrabble game where you draw nothing but vowels? I say, toss 'em back and start over again.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Yes, but then we'd draw Sarah and it would be all X's and Q's

Barb February 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

She would be at a loss if she had one "G" in her letters. Bitch drops her G's, especially when she says "thinkin'"

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I think of Sarah as letters more like the Clingon [sic] alphabet.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm

It's like having a vowel movement.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 16, 2012 at 11:10 pm
DrunkIrishman February 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Guys, be nice. He's only skipping the debate because that's the day he has to upgrade to Romney 3.0.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 16, 2012 at 11:14 pm

This will be fun to watch … it's a beta release.

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Wow… I didn't think it possible to out-lame Governor Walker, but stating in advance one's intentions to blow off a high-falutin' event really takes the cake.

elburritodeluxe February 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Mitt has more important Mormon stuff to do. In space!

nounverb911 February 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Doesn't he have some dead people to baptize that night?

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Those Holocaust victims don't dunk themselves….what with being dead and Jewish and creeped out by weirdo Mormons.

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 3:07 pm

In space

"In space certain parts of Georgia, no one can hear you scream squeal like a pig.."

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Mitt is such a big leaking vag, that he could fill a super plus tampon in 90 minutes.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

My pussy has bigger balls than Mitt.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Seems like there's a Chuck Norris-like joke there…

elviouslyqueer February 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Now Jim, "pussy" isn't nearly upscale and fancy enough for Mittens. I propose "obsequious rancid flapadoodle" instead.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It must be said though, so I will say it, there have been like fifty thousand fucking debates, haven't there??????

Jim Newell February 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

But I still don't know if Ron Paul has any foreign policy differences with the rest of the field!

SheriffRoscoe February 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

But what about those of us who are just now tuning in?

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm

And Newt still has a few more racist dog-whistles to trot out.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 5:49 pm

There's an election coming up?

jus_wonderin February 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I am going to frame this. An “Internet Celebrity” commented on my posting. <g>

nounverb911 February 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I was always told that if I exaggerate, I would go blind.

elviouslyqueer February 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I find this post difficult to exaggerate to.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I am getting this fond rememberance of Emily Litella. Which, in this context, shames me.

SayItWithWookies February 16, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Mitt's not a sissy — he's taking the evening off to baptize Rick Santorum's dead fetus.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

And then eat it?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 16, 2012 at 11:19 pm

The baptized zombie fetus is supposed to get its own planet, fourth out from the star eta Fetae.

Admittedly, Mitt might get that wrong.

BaldarTFlagass February 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

But then, can you blame him?

ifthethunderdontgetya February 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm

$ir Rmoney bravely runs away!

When another debate reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Rmoney turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Swiftly taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the braaaave, $ir Rmoney!
~

pinkocommi February 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The difference between Mitt and a pussy is that a pussy has a personality.

slowhansolo February 16, 2012 at 3:26 pm

And as that terrifying magazine cover recently demonstrated, a pussy is much better looking up close.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

They're also useful and fun, unlike Mitt; and some work hard for a living, which he's never done.

flamingpdog February 16, 2012 at 7:58 pm

And some make a living working it hard.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 16, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I can haz $54,000 a day, taxed at 15%?

mavenmaven February 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The more air time given to Santorum, the better. In fact, debating is not welcome in religion, Santorum should just hold forth on the pressing matters of the day for an hour, in full vestment, chausable, maniple, stole, and especially the cincture, pulled very very tight.

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Since he's in Opus Dei, and if he was being honest with the country about his religious extremism, he'd strip down and flagellate himself during the debate.

sezme February 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Would it be okay if just an empty suit showed up in his place? Oh, silly me…

Andrew Drinker February 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm

In all fairness, most of Ron Paul's suit is empty. Small guy, big suit.

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 4:03 pm

He and David Byrne have the same tailor…small world.

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Chicken Shit Pussy Mother Fuckers!!

(Oh… and Douches)

(UPDATED)

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Damn, and I was so looking forward to another gripping episode of Ranting With The Bores.

Callyson February 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm

The frothy mix too, huh?
No pussy, no frothy mix…Wolf Blitzer must be pissed. What a beautiful day.

slowhansolo February 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Pussies are friends too, my people.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Well, I've never been disappointed by one.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm


It's raining pussy
Hallelujah
It's raining pussy

Steverino247 February 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Where? I've gotta move there right away.

littlebigdaddy February 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Wow, not content to passively enjoy the death spiral of his campaign, Mittens is going full speed ahead circling the drain.

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Waiting….is pulling out condoned by the Catholic Church?

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Of course. Even alter boys need a break occasionally.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 3:47 pm

And poor Rick had to be the second pussy to pussy out – so he isn't even a BOLD, leading pussy in the world of pussies.

Hold on…. just thinking out loud here, but if Rick is following a pussy, wouldn't that make him an asshole? Hmmm.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm

You probably meant that as rhetorical, but I fail to see the upside for Mittens. If he pussies out, then he looks like a pussy. If he gets drubbed in the debate by Jowls then he looks like a pussy. But he could hold his own like he did in FL, so he looks like the vanilla rich man that he is.

So if he showed up, he had a 50-50 shot of not looking like a pussy. Instead, he guaranteed that he will look like a pussy.

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

RON PAUL!!

YEA!

pinkocommi February 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm

It is not like Santorum or Rmoney would say anything intelligent at a debate anyway. All you need is some money-scented blandness and indignant religiousity on the podium and you wouldn't know they were missing.

johnnyzhivago February 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Hyponotoad / Joe-the-Plumber 2012!!!!

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Soooooo . . . Romney chooses to ditch a debate rather than be faced with defending his statement that contraception is "working just fine"?

Santorum pulls from the debate rather than tell a national audience that women how inferior they are?

Or maybe they're just catching up on their movies before Billy Crystal dazzles at the Oscars next week.

arihaya February 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm

you know who else running away from challenges because he is such a pussy?

BornInATrailer February 16, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Prefontaine?

johnnymeatworth February 16, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Jim Fixx?

HelmutNewton February 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm

George W. Bush?

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Charles Atlas, before?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Forest Gump?

tcaalaw February 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

Gordon Bennett?

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Rick Perrywinkle should have bet Mittens $10k that he wouldn't attend all of the debates.

johnnymeatworth February 16, 2012 at 4:23 pm

"But he's OUR pussy. Right, Tits?"

–Frank Booth

SayItWithWookies February 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Gee, after months of escalatingly insane stances on business and social issues, why the hell wouldn't these prospective leaders of our nation want to stand up and explain their opposition to birth control, abortion, fish on Friday, global warming, evolution, their favoring oil subsidies, fracking, approving a giant pipeline through the country without any plan whatsoever, Swiss bank accounts, letting GM go bankrupt, eliminating the capital gains tax and outlawing gay marriage?

Probably because the left-wing media asks them loaded questions to make them look like extremists, is my guess.

Lucidamente1 February 16, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Today we are all Sarah Palin.

HelmutNewton February 16, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Pulling out? Isn't that still birth control?

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Strategically speaking, this isn't a bad idea. They both know that from this point forward everything they say can, and will be used against them in the general election. Their handlers know that the only way to keep them from saying stupid shit, short of wiring their jaws shut, is to keep them out of debates.

Man0nTheStreet February 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm

So… Rmoney left Santorum behind when he pulled out of CNN? Whatta mess! I'll bet that caused a big stink!

But CNN now has a big gaping messy hole in their schedule to fill – I hope Mooseilini's people talk then into doing the Duhbate with her vs PigNewton – Must See TV!

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm

If the debate was on Faux, you probably would have to beat them off with a stick to not show up.

Man0nTheStreet February 16, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Jim – how'd'ya get a "working" pic of the MittBott 2000 Logic Processing Unit?

sezme February 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Re: Update IV
That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history (the 1960s) that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

el_donaldo February 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Walker's lack of intestinal fortitude stomach flu must be going around.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Santorum spread everywhere when Willard pulled out.

Maman February 16, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You can't say something stupid if you keep your mouth shut

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm

As Rick Perry is now painfully aware of.

deelzebub February 16, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I doubt Perry is aware of this or much of anything. He's reached the level of stupid where you are too stupid to realize how astoundingly stupid you have become. It's like when crazy people know they are still relatively okay as long as they can question whether or not what that are thinking is crazy. It's when they stop asking that question that you worry.

ph7 February 16, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Mitt and Rick are the last two persons I'd expect to turn on, tune in, and drop out.

Steverino247 February 16, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum pulled out of the CNN debate. A frustrated CNN was not available for comment.

(Hat tip to Chevy Chase)

user-of-owls February 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm

The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

That's what Alvin Greene said.

Serolf_Divad February 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm

We are all Catholic debate ducking pussies now.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Ron Paul should debate himself. It's how old people masturbate.

joobajooba February 16, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Isn't pulling out their preferred form of contraception?

ttommyunger February 17, 2012 at 9:08 am

Pussy libel!

chascates February 17, 2012 at 11:05 am

This GOP race is like a Dr. Who episode.

MinAgain February 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Mittens is a kitten.

io9k9s February 20, 2012 at 1:00 am

boobies. boooobies boobies boobs boobies graphic can't arrrgh booobies

imissopus February 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Today is not a good day for me to wrestle with this whole concept of "saying nice things just for the sake of it." I'll have to get back to you.

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