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Mitt Romney & Rick Santorum Pull Out Of March Debate, CNN Cancels

Precious Mittens McRomney is too scared to debate his three historically incompetent remaining rivals on March 1, in Georgia. That means next week’s debate in Arizona will be his last until March 19, by which time he hopes to have purchased the Republican party’s presidential nomination. Now everyone go in the comments and call Mitt Romney a pussy, thx. UPDATE: Oh and now Rick Santorum has dropped out, too? It is raining pussies today. But a Gingrich-Paul-only debate moderated by Wolf Blitzer could be hilarious, for 20 minutes or so. UPDATE II: Today, we are all pussies. CNN has canceled the debate. How will the people of Georgia make an informed decision when they head to the polls now? UPDATE III: Anyone else want to drop out of or cancel anything? Fill it in here, ______________________, we’re done with this post. UPDATE IV: The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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      1. SorosBot

        While I didn't support Hillary – mostly because of the whole voting for the Iraq war thing – I do hope we get a strong Presidential pussy at some point within the next decade or two; it's about time.

          1. SorosBot

            What, am I supposed to stop saying nice things (that I already believe) to my girl now that we've slept together? What do I look like, a fratboy douche?

  1. Barb

    Is it me or does the GOP lineup remind you of a Scrabble game where you draw nothing but vowels? I say, toss 'em back and start over again.

      1. Barb

        She would be at a loss if she had one "G" in her letters. Bitch drops her G's, especially when she says "thinkin'"

  2. DrunkIrishman

    Guys, be nice. He's only skipping the debate because that's the day he has to upgrade to Romney 3.0.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    Wow… I didn't think it possible to out-lame Governor Walker, but stating in advance one's intentions to blow off a high-falutin' event really takes the cake.

      1. deelzebub

        Those Holocaust victims don't dunk themselves….what with being dead and Jewish and creeped out by weirdo Mormons.

  4. elviouslyqueer

    Now Jim, "pussy" isn't nearly upscale and fancy enough for Mittens. I propose "obsequious rancid flapadoodle" instead.

  5. jus_wonderin

    It must be said though, so I will say it, there have been like fifty thousand fucking debates, haven't there??????

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        The baptized zombie fetus is supposed to get its own planet, fourth out from the star eta Fetae.

        Admittedly, Mitt might get that wrong.

  6. ifthethunderdontgetya

    $ir Rmoney bravely runs away!

    When another debate reared its ugly head,
    He bravely turned his tail and fled.
    Yes, brave Sir Rmoney turned about
    And gallantly he chickened out.
    Swiftly taking to his feet,
    He beat a very brave retreat.
    Bravest of the braaaave, $ir Rmoney!

  7. mavenmaven

    The more air time given to Santorum, the better. In fact, debating is not welcome in religion, Santorum should just hold forth on the pressing matters of the day for an hour, in full vestment, chausable, maniple, stole, and especially the cincture, pulled very very tight.

    1. deelzebub

      Since he's in Opus Dei, and if he was being honest with the country about his religious extremism, he'd strip down and flagellate himself during the debate.

  8. Callyson

    The frothy mix too, huh?
    No pussy, no frothy mix…Wolf Blitzer must be pissed. What a beautiful day.

  9. littlebigdaddy

    Wow, not content to passively enjoy the death spiral of his campaign, Mittens is going full speed ahead circling the drain.

  10. chicken_thief

    And poor Rick had to be the second pussy to pussy out – so he isn't even a BOLD, leading pussy in the world of pussies.

    Hold on…. just thinking out loud here, but if Rick is following a pussy, wouldn't that make him an asshole? Hmmm.

  11. chicken_thief

    You probably meant that as rhetorical, but I fail to see the upside for Mittens. If he pussies out, then he looks like a pussy. If he gets drubbed in the debate by Jowls then he looks like a pussy. But he could hold his own like he did in FL, so he looks like the vanilla rich man that he is.

    So if he showed up, he had a 50-50 shot of not looking like a pussy. Instead, he guaranteed that he will look like a pussy.

  12. pinkocommi

    It is not like Santorum or Rmoney would say anything intelligent at a debate anyway. All you need is some money-scented blandness and indignant religiousity on the podium and you wouldn't know they were missing.

  13. CapnFatback

    Soooooo . . . Romney chooses to ditch a debate rather than be faced with defending his statement that contraception is "working just fine"?

    Santorum pulls from the debate rather than tell a national audience that women how inferior they are?

    Or maybe they're just catching up on their movies before Billy Crystal dazzles at the Oscars next week.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Gee, after months of escalatingly insane stances on business and social issues, why the hell wouldn't these prospective leaders of our nation want to stand up and explain their opposition to birth control, abortion, fish on Friday, global warming, evolution, their favoring oil subsidies, fracking, approving a giant pipeline through the country without any plan whatsoever, Swiss bank accounts, letting GM go bankrupt, eliminating the capital gains tax and outlawing gay marriage?

    Probably because the left-wing media asks them loaded questions to make them look like extremists, is my guess.

  15. Dashboard Buddha

    Strategically speaking, this isn't a bad idea. They both know that from this point forward everything they say can, and will be used against them in the general election. Their handlers know that the only way to keep them from saying stupid shit, short of wiring their jaws shut, is to keep them out of debates.

  16. Man0nTheStreet

    So… Rmoney left Santorum behind when he pulled out of CNN? Whatta mess! I'll bet that caused a big stink!

    But CNN now has a big gaping messy hole in their schedule to fill – I hope Mooseilini's people talk then into doing the Duhbate with her vs PigNewton – Must See TV!

  17. sezme

    Re: Update IV
    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history (the 1960s) that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

      1. deelzebub

        I doubt Perry is aware of this or much of anything. He's reached the level of stupid where you are too stupid to realize how astoundingly stupid you have become. It's like when crazy people know they are still relatively okay as long as they can question whether or not what that are thinking is crazy. It's when they stop asking that question that you worry.

  18. Steverino247

    Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum pulled out of the CNN debate. A frustrated CNN was not available for comment.

    (Hat tip to Chevy Chase)

  19. user-of-owls

    The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

    That's what Alvin Greene said.

Comments are closed.