best frontrunner ever

Mitt Romney & Rick Santorum Pull Out Of March Debate, CNN Cancels

Precious Mittens McRomney is too scared to debate his three historically incompetent remaining rivals on March 1, in Georgia. That means next week’s debate in Arizona will be his last until March 19, by which time he hopes to have purchased the Republican party’s presidential nomination. Now everyone go in the comments and call Mitt Romney a pussy, thx. UPDATE: Oh and now Rick Santorum has dropped out, too? It is raining pussies today. But a Gingrich-Paul-only debate moderated by Wolf Blitzer could be hilarious, for 20 minutes or so. UPDATE II: Today, we are all pussies. CNN has canceled the debate. How will the people of Georgia make an informed decision when they head to the polls now? UPDATE III: Anyone else want to drop out of or cancel anything? Fill it in here, ______________________, we’re done with this post. UPDATE IV: The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What a pussy!

    • Swampgas_Man

      That black&white graphic up there indeed resembles what I see when I look at pussy.

  • nounverb911

    It should be fun watching Newt talk to himself.

    Oh and Mitt's a pussy.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Newt can talk to himself for hours. Rhetorical fapping, as it were, kinda, sorta.

    • ttommyunger

      Newt requires no listeners, just like my first wife.

  • jus_wonderin

    Purchased the Republican party's nomination.

    I bet he used a coupon to seem "every man".

  • Callyson

    I prefer "limp dick."
    Oh, OK, if you insist…pussy!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      How about flaccid, wasted, manhood?

  • SorosBot

    Running away from the debates really makes him look strong and presidential.

    • jus_wonderin

      Not only that, look how he is running; arms flailing like windmills.

      • chicken_thief

        Like a pussy?

    • MissTaken

      A strong and presidential pussy that is.

      • SorosBot

        While I didn't support Hillary – mostly because of the whole voting for the Iraq war thing – I do hope we get a strong Presidential pussy at some point within the next decade or two; it's about time.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Psst, dude – you already closed the deal…

          • deelzebub

            I believe he's looking for a contract extension.

          • SorosBot

            What, am I supposed to stop saying nice things (that I already believe) to my girl now that we've slept together? What do I look like, a fratboy douche?

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Today is not a good day for me to wrestle with this whole concept of "saying nice things just for the sake of it." I'll have to get back to you.

  • Barb

    Mitt is a pussy. Love ya, Jim!

  • coolhandnuke

    What a cunning stunt.

    • yrbmegr

      I see what you did there. You called Mitt Romney a pussy.

  • JoeHoya

    Relax, it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Chicken shit.

  • Barb

    Is it me or does the GOP lineup remind you of a Scrabble game where you draw nothing but vowels? I say, toss 'em back and start over again.

    • MissTaken

      Yes, but then we'd draw Sarah and it would be all X's and Q's

      • Barb

        She would be at a loss if she had one "G" in her letters. Bitch drops her G's, especially when she says "thinkin'"

      • jus_wonderin

        I think of Sarah as letters more like the Clingon [sic] alphabet.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      It's like having a vowel movement.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba
  • DrunkIrishman

    Guys, be nice. He's only skipping the debate because that's the day he has to upgrade to Romney 3.0.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This will be fun to watch … it's a beta release.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wow… I didn't think it possible to out-lame Governor Walker, but stating in advance one's intentions to blow off a high-falutin' event really takes the cake.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Mitt has more important Mormon stuff to do. In space!

    • nounverb911

      Doesn't he have some dead people to baptize that night?

      • deelzebub

        Those Holocaust victims don't dunk themselves….what with being dead and Jewish and creeped out by weirdo Mormons.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      In space

      "In space certain parts of Georgia, no one can hear you scream squeal like a pig.."

  • deelzebub

    Mitt is such a big leaking vag, that he could fill a super plus tampon in 90 minutes.

  • MissTaken

    My pussy has bigger balls than Mitt.

    • chicken_thief

      Seems like there's a Chuck Norris-like joke there…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Now Jim, "pussy" isn't nearly upscale and fancy enough for Mittens. I propose "obsequious rancid flapadoodle" instead.

  • jus_wonderin

    It must be said though, so I will say it, there have been like fifty thousand fucking debates, haven't there??????

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      But I still don't know if Ron Paul has any foreign policy differences with the rest of the field!

      • SheriffRoscoe

        But what about those of us who are just now tuning in?

      • SorosBot

        And Newt still has a few more racist dog-whistles to trot out.

      • GOPCrusher

        There's an election coming up?

      • jus_wonderin

        I am going to frame this. An “Internet Celebrity” commented on my posting. <g>

    • nounverb911

      If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate.

      • jus_wonderin

        I was always told that if I exaggerate, I would go blind.

        • elviouslyqueer

          I find this post difficult to exaggerate to.

          • jus_wonderin

            I am getting this fond rememberance of Emily Litella. Which, in this context, shames me.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mitt's not a sissy — he's taking the evening off to baptize Rick Santorum's dead fetus.

    • GOPCrusher

      And then eat it?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The baptized zombie fetus is supposed to get its own planet, fourth out from the star eta Fetae.

        Admittedly, Mitt might get that wrong.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    But then, can you blame him?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    $ir Rmoney bravely runs away!

    When another debate reared its ugly head,
    He bravely turned his tail and fled.
    Yes, brave Sir Rmoney turned about
    And gallantly he chickened out.
    Swiftly taking to his feet,
    He beat a very brave retreat.
    Bravest of the braaaave, $ir Rmoney!
    ~

  • pinkocommi

    The difference between Mitt and a pussy is that a pussy has a personality.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      And as that terrifying magazine cover recently demonstrated, a pussy is much better looking up close.

      • SorosBot

        They're also useful and fun, unlike Mitt; and some work hard for a living, which he's never done.

        • flamingpdog

          And some make a living working it hard.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I can haz $54,000 a day, taxed at 15%?

  • mavenmaven

    The more air time given to Santorum, the better. In fact, debating is not welcome in religion, Santorum should just hold forth on the pressing matters of the day for an hour, in full vestment, chausable, maniple, stole, and especially the cincture, pulled very very tight.

    • deelzebub

      Since he's in Opus Dei, and if he was being honest with the country about his religious extremism, he'd strip down and flagellate himself during the debate.

  • sezme

    Would it be okay if just an empty suit showed up in his place? Oh, silly me…

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      In all fairness, most of Ron Paul's suit is empty. Small guy, big suit.

      • deelzebub

        He and David Byrne have the same tailor…small world.

  • DaRooster

    Chicken Shit Pussy Mother Fuckers!!

    (Oh… and Douches)

    (UPDATED)

  • YasserArraFeck

    Damn, and I was so looking forward to another gripping episode of Ranting With The Bores.

  • Callyson

    The frothy mix too, huh?
    No pussy, no frothy mix…Wolf Blitzer must be pissed. What a beautiful day.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Pussies are friends too, my people.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Well, I've never been disappointed by one.

  • MissTaken


    It's raining pussy
    Hallelujah
    It's raining pussy

    • Steverino247

      Where? I've gotta move there right away.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Wow, not content to passively enjoy the death spiral of his campaign, Mittens is going full speed ahead circling the drain.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Waiting….is pulling out condoned by the Catholic Church?

    • chicken_thief

      Of course. Even alter boys need a break occasionally.

  • chicken_thief

    And poor Rick had to be the second pussy to pussy out – so he isn't even a BOLD, leading pussy in the world of pussies.

    Hold on…. just thinking out loud here, but if Rick is following a pussy, wouldn't that make him an asshole? Hmmm.

  • chicken_thief

    You probably meant that as rhetorical, but I fail to see the upside for Mittens. If he pussies out, then he looks like a pussy. If he gets drubbed in the debate by Jowls then he looks like a pussy. But he could hold his own like he did in FL, so he looks like the vanilla rich man that he is.

    So if he showed up, he had a 50-50 shot of not looking like a pussy. Instead, he guaranteed that he will look like a pussy.

  • DaRooster

    RON PAUL!!

    YEA!

  • pinkocommi

    It is not like Santorum or Rmoney would say anything intelligent at a debate anyway. All you need is some money-scented blandness and indignant religiousity on the podium and you wouldn't know they were missing.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Hyponotoad / Joe-the-Plumber 2012!!!!

  • CapnFatback

    Soooooo . . . Romney chooses to ditch a debate rather than be faced with defending his statement that contraception is "working just fine"?

    Santorum pulls from the debate rather than tell a national audience that women how inferior they are?

    Or maybe they're just catching up on their movies before Billy Crystal dazzles at the Oscars next week.

  • arihaya

    you know who else running away from challenges because he is such a pussy?

    • BornInATrailer

      Prefontaine?

    • johnnymeatworth

      Jim Fixx?

    • HelmutNewton

      George W. Bush?

    • chicken_thief

      Charles Atlas, before?

    • GOPCrusher

      Forest Gump?

    • tcaalaw

      Gordon Bennett?

  • chicken_thief

    Rick Perrywinkle should have bet Mittens $10k that he wouldn't attend all of the debates.

  • johnnymeatworth

    "But he's OUR pussy. Right, Tits?"

    –Frank Booth

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gee, after months of escalatingly insane stances on business and social issues, why the hell wouldn't these prospective leaders of our nation want to stand up and explain their opposition to birth control, abortion, fish on Friday, global warming, evolution, their favoring oil subsidies, fracking, approving a giant pipeline through the country without any plan whatsoever, Swiss bank accounts, letting GM go bankrupt, eliminating the capital gains tax and outlawing gay marriage?

    Probably because the left-wing media asks them loaded questions to make them look like extremists, is my guess.

  • Lucidamente1

    Today we are all Sarah Palin.

  • HelmutNewton

    Pulling out? Isn't that still birth control?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Strategically speaking, this isn't a bad idea. They both know that from this point forward everything they say can, and will be used against them in the general election. Their handlers know that the only way to keep them from saying stupid shit, short of wiring their jaws shut, is to keep them out of debates.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    So… Rmoney left Santorum behind when he pulled out of CNN? Whatta mess! I'll bet that caused a big stink!

    But CNN now has a big gaping messy hole in their schedule to fill – I hope Mooseilini's people talk then into doing the Duhbate with her vs PigNewton – Must See TV!

    • GOPCrusher

      If the debate was on Faux, you probably would have to beat them off with a stick to not show up.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Jim – how'd'ya get a "working" pic of the MittBott 2000 Logic Processing Unit?

  • sezme

    Re: Update IV
    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history (the 1960s) that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

  • el_donaldo

    Walker's lack of intestinal fortitude stomach flu must be going around.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Santorum spread everywhere when Willard pulled out.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    You can't say something stupid if you keep your mouth shut

    • GOPCrusher

      As Rick Perry is now painfully aware of.

      • deelzebub

        I doubt Perry is aware of this or much of anything. He's reached the level of stupid where you are too stupid to realize how astoundingly stupid you have become. It's like when crazy people know they are still relatively okay as long as they can question whether or not what that are thinking is crazy. It's when they stop asking that question that you worry.

  • ph7

    Mitt and Rick are the last two persons I'd expect to turn on, tune in, and drop out.

  • Steverino247

    Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum pulled out of the CNN debate. A frustrated CNN was not available for comment.

    (Hat tip to Chevy Chase)

  • user-of-owls

    The universe has been canceled, all of us are reduced to nothingness.

    That's what Alvin Greene said.

  • Serolf_Divad

    We are all Catholic debate ducking pussies now.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ron Paul should debate himself. It's how old people masturbate.

  • joobajooba

    Isn't pulling out their preferred form of contraception?

  • ttommyunger

    Pussy libel!

  • chascates

    This GOP race is like a Dr. Who episode.

  • MinAgain

    Mittens is a kitten.

  • io9k9s

    boobies. boooobies boobies boobs boobies graphic can't arrrgh booobies