THE POINT IS THAT GIRLS HAVE COOTIES  12:14 pm February 16, 2012

GOP Goes With ‘Pompous Sausagefest’ Theme For Contraception Hearing

by Jim Newell

Here’s a fun game! Look at the above photo of the panel invited to testify at serial car thief Darrell Issa’s House Oversight and Government Reform hearing this morning on “religious liberty” and “freedom of conscience,” with regards to the ongoing contraception and women’s health donnybrook. Do you notice something… missing… at this tiresome preachfest about the evils of third-party payment options for ladies’ birth control pills? That’s right, there is not one Vagina-American sitting on this panel, just five deeply conservative religious men.* Two female Democrats walked out of the hearing, as did one male Democrat (such a sweetie!)

The members who walked out — including DC’s very own useless but sort of hilarious Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton, who compared the hearing to that of an “autocratic regime” — were wise to do so, and not merely as a means of authoritatively registering their complaint. The whole hearing was stupid and absurd in every way! Let’s even issue a warning for everyone who watches the clip below: You will see Darrell Issa flanked by large portraits of JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi, as these are the props he brought to his pompous carnival show-hearing. Your brain may shut off for the rest of the day if you play this clip.

Things couldn’t have gotten much dumber after that, though, right? Let’s check to see if anything else happened, on Twitter:

Are they gonna go full-out Schiavo on this issue? Yikes.

*UPDATE: The second, less JFK/MLK/Gandhi-ish round of paneling does feature a whole two female panelists. This — to reiterate — is in contrast to the first panel, which featured zero women.

 
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{ 186 comments }

nounverb911 February 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Is this Miss Lindsey's version of the "Dating Game"?

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm

No Choir or Altar Boys in sight.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

"Bachelorette #3, if I take you on a date and slip you some roofies, would you violate my right to force you to bear my child or would you be glad you took the birth control pill?"

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Miss Lindsey "dating" someone who has potentially child bearing plumbing?!

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm

In US America, Stalin puts down Stalin. In Soveeit Youonion, Stalin puts down YOU.

nounverb911 February 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

In other news Darrell Issa defends his right to steal other people's cars.

mookwrthwilson February 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm

And burn down your own business for insurance money.

Negropolis February 17, 2012 at 3:12 am

Yeah, and it is Obama that is the crook.

I hate this fucker.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

#Don'tOccupyMyUterus (wherever it is now)

Chichikovovich February 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Maybe you should ask the hospital to pack it in dry ice and mail it to Issa, with a note saying "Happy now""?

Barb February 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Oh my God, that made me laugh until it hurt!

Nothingisamiss February 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Now THAT is how to play the "send it to your congressperson" game!

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

You mean you didn't roast and eat it in celebration?

James Michael Curley February 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I hope your surgery was somewhere other than a traditional NYC hospital or else it's floating past my house now.

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I'm seeing the advent of a whole new "Baby-Bagger" movement.

Steverino247 February 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

It was offered up as a sacrifice to help Santorum win thrice in one night before the cock crowed (or got hard or something, I'm not sure anyway) in order to trip up Romney on his path to losing to Obama.

starfanglednut February 16, 2012 at 10:11 pm

What? You don't keep it in a jar?!

FlownOver February 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

MMA – Schiavo vs. Stalin!
Friday on Pay-per view! Call your cable operator to order.

memzilla February 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Now this is what a Death Panel looks like: all male, all Rethuglican, with the power to enact Women's Health legislation.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Brilliant

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Ha, but sadly true.

sharethegrief February 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Where's a pissed off Honduran when you need one?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I was thinking, looking at that picture, put Muslim headgear and beards on them, it could be a Taliban meeting.

Sharkey February 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Maybe, but it's still Obama's fault.

C_R_Eature February 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm

This comment has hereby won you the Most High Solid 24-karat Golden Medallion Of Awe-Inspiring Win. It is yours for the entire year. So say I.

OkieDokieDog February 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Well you know women really can't be there in person to talk about their girly parts, what with all that PMSing and being on the rag and stuff. Nor the ones nursing babies with their upper girly parts since there's not a lactorium close by.

Oh – I forgot to say – FUCK these misogynist fuckers.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Did I hear correctly, that the Oklahoma House moved their version of the Personhood Bill along, virtually making some contraceptives and abortion illegal?

Advn2rgirl February 16, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Virginia, too. The governor, who's running for Vice President, and George Allen, who's running for Senate, both said they agreed with the bill.

OkieDokieDog February 16, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yep, yesterday. It passed 34-8 which is not surprising since the OK legislature is mainly Republican.

From today's Tulsa World:

Dem Constance Johnson called it sexist but wasn't heard on floor because of some bs move by the GOP.
Dem Judy Eason McIntyre called them out on the whole smaller govm't intrusion while making personal health decisions for women.
Dem Jim Wilson called the bill "bad for business & makes OK look silly".
Dem Richard Lerblance said it would have unintended consequences re: insurance, etc.
Gop Kim David urged senators not to be swayed by critics using scare tactics (because ya know, that's a Republican move)

Fukui_sanYesOta February 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm

This contraception requires more immaculateness!

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I mentioned this yesterday, but on a thread that was mostly dead, so: under this bullshit view of religious liberty, shouldn't a Jehovah's Witness be allowed to force their employees onto health insurance that won't cover blood transfusions?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Yes. Using the same logic.

Scientologists could also block any kind of psychiatric medication.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Hey, they get the e-meter reading instead; just like the women can always use the rhythm method!

FlownOver February 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

And how about the Christian Science employer? What will the co-pay for prayers look like?

Biff February 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

10% of your gross income, just like the other churches.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

i eagerly await the day some Muslin job creator forces his employee to do — whatever socialist stuff Muslins do. For maximum schaedenfreude, said employee should be a white, Christian male living in the South.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Also, a Rastafarian employer should make his employees smoke weed, no?

HarryButtle February 16, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Is he hiring?

Lucidamente1 February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I believe the quote from JFK up there is “Mr. Powers looks a little tense. Would you take care of it?”

Crank_Tango February 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Too soon!

Lucidamente1 February 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Oops.

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The last time I saw guys standing around on stage with enlarged posters didn't end well for two of the participants.
http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image

joobajooba February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

You know who else quoted Stalin, until he was against him?

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Glenn Beck?

RedneckMuslin February 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Krushchev?

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Boris and Natasha?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Trotsky?

anniegetyerfun February 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Animaniacs?

doloras February 16, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Nikolai Bukharin.

C_R_Eature February 16, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Andrei Sakharov.

Lit Happens February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Judging from the looks of that panel, contraception shouldn't be an issue at all.

Callyson February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Somebody should tell Walberg that Stalin was a pro lifer.
And what, Liz Trotta was too busy telling women they should expect to be raped to put in an appearance as the token female misogynist and cover the asses of these haters?
Assholes.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Cognitive dissonance is nothing for these people; I mean here he is arguing for tyranny and against freedom, while invoking Stalin for the other, pro-freedom side and Gandhi and King on his own side of oppression. But I guess since these are rights for women they don't matter; only straight white Christian men really have rights.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

This man will get a lot of pussy, including mine , if he asks.
http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2010/06/blackhawk

RedneckMuslin February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Did he drink all that?

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

He's the best, he is the one Dem Male who walked out.

Andrew Drinker February 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I was going to say something along those lines. But it was going to be more like the Republicans are all whispering to each other about how Quigley just did that to get laid.

Shellwith2Ls February 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Good for him for walking out but no pussy from me, I'm a Flyers fan.

fuflans February 16, 2012 at 11:49 pm

HA!! that's my boy / district.

and before that it was rahm's. and before that blago's. and before that stephen douglas.

weird fucking district.

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

When Republicans talk about Contraception, they should quote St.Palin, not Stalin.

RedneckMuslin February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Well, she can see his house from there.

Schmannnity February 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The Democrats pulled out in a pantomime of Republican birth control.

CivicHoliday February 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Yes, and god forbid they let some crazy female college student testify about the importance of access to contraception because she, ahem, "appears to have become energized over this issue." Oh silly wiminz and their zany hysterics. They have no place in a hearing deciding the fate of their gross lady parts.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm

That's crazy talk; it could lead to something like a debate over some new bullshit attempt at abortion restrictions inviting women who have actually had abortions to testify about them.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Everyone knows that all women who have ever had an abortion are filled with so much personal shame that they are unable to get out of bed in the morning, much less testify about the reality of their situation. Crazy talk, indeed.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Yes, we must make sure that all women who ever have an abortion feel shame and humiliation for their choice; otherwise you women might start getting dangerous ideas about how your bodies belong to yourselves instead of to men.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I thought that was why God found it necessary to inflict breast cancer on them?

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Wait, what?
I thought we were evil harpies who killed our precious jesus babbies for fun, laughed about it, and then went right out and had sex so we could kill another jesus babby as soon as possible.

Is it possible that I've been doing it wrong all this time?

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Time to protest, girls. I did it 35 years ago, and I 'll do it again. (Women vote, fascist assholes.)

Dr_Zoidberg February 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Seriously! Us women need to start raising our voices in protest. When is enough, enough?

HipHop0Potamus February 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Let's start with marching on Capitol Hill topless (legal in DC!). I think we'd get some support for going supportless?

Dr_Zoidberg February 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

While I like your idea, I'm not sure it would work for me. Dr_Zoidberg shell-less on Futurama is scarily close to me naked in real life.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Full of jelly and doing a mating dance?

HipHop0Potamus February 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Go for the gay cop shell? Still gets the point across.

finallyhappy February 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I have to tell you that while protesting the war a few years ago here in DC,there were those women who were exposing their breasts- guys were looking at them but it didn't seem to help the effort. Also while marching for Choice here in DC, I did yell at some priests who were praying the rosary over us- I told them to leave the little boys alone.

Guppy February 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Women are just as capable of voting against their own self-interests as the next man.

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm

They've honestly reached peak asshole.

vodkamuppet February 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Yeah, until tomorrow.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

My, aren't you the fresh-faced, sunny optimist!

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm

As long as no man is allowed in the debate–or vote–to reclassify Viagra as a controlled dangerous substance, I have no problem with this.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Luntz it up and start calling it the "rape-enabling drug"

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Maybe there should be drug-testing to qualify for Viagra (The Quicker Sticker Upper).

starfanglednut February 16, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Free roofies with every prescription!

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Five men met in Congress, no it wasn't a whim,
A discussion ensued, with no bearing on "him",
No pills for the girls; nor corks, stoppers or ballcocks for them.
Religion it seems is under the gun.
We need to have raw sex or it is no fun.
I think this whole holy fuckin' contraception controversy is really quite grim.

comrad_darkness February 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Hey, I thought they told us we would fight the religious fundamentalists over there so we wouldn't have to fight them over here.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Yeah, it's time to bring The War Against Religious Extremism back to our shores.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

The BROWN ones, doy!

James Michael Curley February 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Hey Walberg! Your version of "Planet of the Apes" sucked!

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Worst "He 'man' Woman H8trs club" Reunion ever.

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"Be it enacted by General Assembly that no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burdened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief, but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of Religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge or affect their civil capacities." — from The Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom

As I was looking up yesterday at the side of the historic/ aged building near downtown in Virginia's capital, where this entire excerpt is painted mural-style on its exterior, I didn't see where I was walking and stepped in someone's dog poop.

It seems an apt metaphor, somehow.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Shorter: Freedom = my freedom to control others. If I can't force everybody else to follow my religion, I'm being terribly, horribly oppressed, because freeeeedumbz!

OldPandaDayz February 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm

They got a token black guy but they couldn't get a woman on the panel?

UnholyMoses February 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Yes, because no one knows the plight of women obtaining birth control like … a bunch of conservative men who think women should be nothing but baby-and-sammich making machines.

At least they could've picked some guys with some familiarity with the icky women parts, rather than guys who know those of boys much better.

Oblios_Cap February 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hey! Stalin was a child of God, too.

Issa with Gandhi, King, and JFK is surreal. Doesn't that asshat hate everything that all 3 men stood for? Would have killed him to stick a picture of Mother Teresa up there too?

Generation[redacted] February 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Mother Teresa at least shared their view on contraception.

MadBrahms February 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

So did Gandhi; he was part of a (famous in its time) debate with Margaret Sanger over the issue. Needless to say his arguments followed a slightly different logic than the GOP – he saw sex generally as giving oneself over to desire and was uninterested in the "every sperm is sacred" hoo-hah going around today.

Oh, and he also hated war, so there's that. What a bunch of selectively appropriating asshats these guys are.

Tundra Grifter February 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Looks the panel of judges in the great short story "The Devil and Dan'l Webster."

Oblios_Cap February 16, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Thank God women have men around to instruct them on how they are allowed to think and use their bodies!

Ribs don't come cheap!

DerrickWildcat February 16, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Rubbers = Communism!

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I'm seriously pissed off about this. Where are the fucking jerbs? To allow these zealots, (and the "media"), to obfuscate how fucking shitty conservative policies are, how fucking awful their candidates are, how they hate every one but white x-tians is criminal. Keep your fucking Mitts off my cycle/vagina/reproductive rights.

TeaNuts February 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

When will these douches quit trying to drag us back to the 14th century. By the way extra points for obfuscate.

north_of_moscow February 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

We simply can not take away a man's right to make a woman do what he wants. It's in the constitution, people.

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Women? Sure.

But where are the representatives from the insurance companies? They're the ones actually being told to pay for the contraceptives, not the church.

imissopus February 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Well sure, we all know how hysterical the women get when they have to talk about emotions and stuff.

Seriously, is that a fucking priest on the far left in that photo? Amazing.

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I think a member of the airport ground crew wandered into the hearings.

MinAgain February 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Bismarck was right.

EatsBabyDingos February 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I only quote Joe Stalin Starkweather.

Dumbedup February 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I can't watch the clip, but can someone tell me why they are holding up pictures of famous democrats.

DerrickWildcat February 16, 2012 at 12:46 pm

U.S. out of my Rubbers!

dijetlo February 16, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Well, the Republicans promised to introduce jobs legislation, we just didn't realize they were talking about blow jobs.
With that in mind, I am significantly more sanguine about our new, douchenozzle, Overlords.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I get all my birth control advice from fat, old men. That's why I douche with 7-up while jumping up and down on the bed after he cums. Only fails once every 9 months!

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Oh. I thought you were going to say that one look at a fat old man and your knees lock.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'm using the Catholic method of birth control, and praying really, really hard that I didn't knock somebody up last weekend.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

And you thought I was crazy for buying all that 7-up at the store.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Whew, well that takes a load off my mind; since as a good Catholic I refused to use sinful condoms I was afraid my prayers might go unanswered and you could be giving me the "you're gonna be a daddy" call soon.

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Of course it fails; you're supposed to use Coca-Cola.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I thought it was Dr. Pepper.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I thought Dr. Friess prescribed aspirin.

kissawookiee February 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The Handmaid's Tale and Catch-22 knocked boots (without protection, natch) and this nasty mess of quintuplets spewed forth. All that's left is for Bosch to paint the family portrait.

Tundra Grifter February 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Rep. Issa will invite in the women after the hearings are over – so he can tell them what to think about this issue.

SudsMcKenzie February 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Darrell Issa and his terrible softball team.

SaintRond February 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I know what'll happen if I play that fucking video. It's like that movie "The Ring," where 72 hours later you die looking like you just chewed up a fist size chunk of alum.

Fuck you.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Apropos of nothing…
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/02/opinion/birth-c

"In 1936, Stalin banned abortion to stimulate the birth rate. In a widely resented decree that was dropped after his death, Stalin made it clear that the nation's couples should produce workers and soldiers as vigorously as new Soviet industries were turning out trucks and steel beams."

http://www.birthcontrolwatch.org/blog/2009/01/mar

Family Planning — A Special and Urgent Concern
by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

"There is no human circumstance more tragic than the persisting existence of a harmful condition for which a remedy is readily available. Family planning, to relate population to world resources, is possible, practical and necessary. Unlike plagues of the dark ages or contemporary diseases we do not yet understand, the modern plague of overpopulation is soluble by means we have discovered and with resources we possess."

….

"Margaret Sanger had to commit what was then called a crime in order to enrich humanity, and today we honor her courage and vision; for without them there would have been no beginning. Our sure beginning in the struggle for equality by nonviolent direct action may not have been so resolute without the tradition established by Margaret Sanger and people like her. Negroes have no mere academic nor ordinary interest in family planning. They have a special and urgent concern."

Fukui_sanYesOta February 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

That Stalin quote seems to have modern day echoes.

Ah, here we are.

Santorum cited the “abortion culture” and said “we don’t have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion.”

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Yes, get with it, you young people out there "kickin' it"!
Those cannons won't fodder themselves, you know!

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"Santorum cited the “abortion culture” and said “we don’t have enough workers to support the retirees."

Of course, since there aren't enough jerbs for the people we *do* have, all those unemployed younguns are already welfare bums crankin' out too many babbies, so there's that.

BarryOPotter February 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Wait, are you saying there is something fascistic about Santorum et al? Nooo…., why, that's unbeli…, that's incredi…, I mean, I hardly kno…. Yeah, ok. Point taken.

Chichikovovich February 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

"Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion.”

And just think of the young people that aren't in America today because of abstinence. Billions, at least! It's a holocaust!

heathenette February 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

He forgot to mention all the young Americans that aren’t in America because of the wars.

GunToting[Redacted] February 16, 2012 at 5:17 pm

There was research done which suggests that the drop in violent crime over the past 20+ years is directly related to the legalization of abortion. Girls who get pregnant before they are ready to provide a stable family delay childbirth, and are more ready to care for their children, rather than neglecting them. In states where abortion was legalized 5+ years befor Roe v. Wads, crime began dropping (wait for it) 5 years before other states.

marinmaven February 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Do you know who else wanted women to be baby making machines for the State?

Hint: He had a funny mustache and knew Mr. Stalin.

imissopus February 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

And now I've watched the video, and truly, calling it surreal is an understatement.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

As appalling as this is, I think it will be a good thing in the long run. Please folks, bring the crazy harder, tighter, and wetter. Keep showing the vast number of women who support contraception that you are actively working against their best interests.

SudsMcKenzie February 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Your telling me JFK was against contraception?

mavenmaven February 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

We're all Catholics now, is the message, I think.

Oblios_Cap February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

The SausageFest Five may support the Catholic Church's stand against contraception, but they still wouldn't let any of the conceived join their country clubs.

joshleefolsom February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

We need a bill prohibiting single men from getting insurance-covered Viagra prescriptions. I am going to write my congressmen now to suggest it.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Don't forget that all men whose wives have completed menopause are forbidden to have it, too.

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Because we're still waiting for the Funky Bunch response.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

What about Donnie Walberg? I hear he's still got it (the right stuff), and is still hangin' tough.

Oblios_Cap February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

So…they're saying that they are Pro Choice now?

How strange.

SudsMcKenzie February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I would totally contracept that woman to the right of Issa.

Well, they did bring in " lay persons"

(I''m sorry, but this is fucking ridiculous)

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

C'mon, guys, it stands to reason that they wouldn't have any women there because how could they testify objectively.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

JFK was looking down at that Jennifer Connelly looking (at least from that distance) chick like he wanted to bone her.

fartknocker February 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Meh, where the heck is the representative from Abortionplex? Those folks truly understand women reproductive rights and make some of the best stir-fried fetus.

I see the Catholic church is represented at this Dog & Pony show. Did anyone have the balls to ask them how they are dealing with pedophile preists? I didn't think so.

Biff February 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Abortionplex is people too, my friend!

slowhansolo February 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Child rape is cool with Catholics because no contraception is required.

cheetojeebus February 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

if one were to pit roast these fuckers slowly over a 12 or so hr period, in a slow charcoal fire. Not too hot. The cracklings and such would be a treat. Specially if you give em a long bath in a good mojito marinade first. Some really tasty sandwiches with a nice hard crust french bread. A little rice pudding afterwards and a long nap in the shade.

Negligently_Joe February 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

It's pretty simple, really: no women were allowed to testify because being aware of women speaking in public, or teaching anyone anything, would violate these men's freedom of religion.

johnnyzhivago February 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I anxiously await a hearing into the Purity of our Fluids.

Oblios_Cap February 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

It'll end badly – with somebody riding a missle into the Iranian centrifuges, if I'm correct.

Maman February 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Can we go Lysistrata on their asses?

Biff February 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Assuming then you might not get raped enough, I'd say go for it.

mavenmaven February 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

If they quote Stalin on contraception, who will they quote when they convene the house panel on masturbation?

Biff February 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Xtine O'Donnell?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Pee Wee Herman?

An_Outhouse February 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Now I know how it feels to be a teen aged girl in Salem, MA.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

As a male I feel perfectly qualified to say this… Men are sooooooooo stupid.

MrsBiggTime February 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Yes, GOP.
By all means, go with "contraception = Stalin" for your theme, and Santorum for your candidate. Please.

HELisforHEL February 16, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in my Congresscritter, Rep DeLauro. She didn't stand up and say "Oh my fucking god, you idiots are assholes of such immense proportions that it's off the charts. And who the fuck are you to be telling women what the fuck to do with their vaginas to begin with, you load of craptastic misogynists?" and then pull up a flamethrower and torch them all, widely arcing the nozzle across the dais until they crumbled to ash.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Fucking parlimentary procedure.

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I just need to make sure I've been following the news correctly–as I have a tendency to try to apply logic and reason to life's daily adventures–but it could be that I'm failing at that here, and I want to make sure I'm not overlooking something.

After Catholic bishops cried "religious oppression" over the specter of having to offer to the laborers in their institutions health care insurance that included contraceptive care, the Obama administration struck a deal with the insurance companies that meant that the employees will still get such care, but the church is off the hook for providing it, right?

And there's still an uproar?

Am I goddamned mis-fucking-reading this, or are the assholes complaining because they want the ability to BLOCK contraceptive care to their employees? Is that really what's going on here?.

Sometimes I imagine if Jeebus did exist that he'd visit the people who do fucked-up shit in his name with a sanctified rubber chicken and, when the religious bigot dropped to his knees in reverence, Comedy Jeebus would whack that mother with the strength of Samson and disappear in a puff of vaudeville.

Mojopo February 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Poor Jesus. It's like he's at a county fair playing Whack A Mole. As he smacks one down the hole, five more pop up. The Lord needs a bigger bat, perhaps, or we need to quit making stupid people (or quit making people stupid – 6 of one, half dozen of the other).

Mojopo February 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Do I bitch when a drug like Cardura, used for enlarged prostates, is covered by health insurance providers? No, because I'm your pal. Just because I'm a woman and I don't have your equipment doesn't mean I hate you. Lots of women like me need birth control pills for everything from bad headaches and acne to painful periods. I would be pleased to explain how painful and disgusting periods are – please ask – for however long it takes for these non-vagina'ed men to shut the hell up. In fact, because they've been such fuckers about this issue, these men should pay for everyone's birth control meds for at least a week. Everybody. After, thank God for the opportunity to have helped so many suffering women.

Ducksworthy February 16, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Fucking little boys does not require contraception or involve any nasty lady parts, so its OK.

WordSaladNation February 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I love Rosa DeLauro. That is all.

crybabyboehner February 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm

But there's a lady right there in the second row!

Exhausted66 February 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Who asked Marky Mark to weigh in on this

Poindexter718 February 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I'm sick and tired of all the PC/diversity police around here: Of the five men on the witness panel 20% are black men; isn't that enough for you people?

owhatever February 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

In their cumulative experience, these heralds of the Lord haven't been laid in 854 years, unless getting jerked off by little boys counts.

Wadisay February 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Seriously, how do Republicans manage to reproduce? Do they send out rhyzomes or something?

tessiee February 16, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Something something, wide stance in bathroom stall, something, buy jewelry at Tiffany's…

C_R_Eature February 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Spores. Pods. Whatever.

It can't be sex. It just can't be.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2012 at 11:57 pm

If you rub a codpiece against a flight-suit long enough it will cause ejaculation — in more than just the person doing the rubbing. Mission accomplished.

Guppy February 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Thank your local Teabagger.

chascates February 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Women have their reproductive barns but it's up to men to decide where and when these brood mares produce.

It's like Margaret Sanger never existed!

Also: http://www.salon.com/2012/01/07/rick_santorum_rea

415buzzard February 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Frothy's supporters have some great "tips" for the Ladies:
http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/santoru

Andrew Drinker February 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Yes, Rep. Issa, please PISS OFF EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY!

It's beginning to look a lot like landslide…

lulzmonger February 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Best argument in favor of contraception I've ever seen.

lochnessmonster February 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Arrest that man! I think this guy Issa just violated me!

rickmaci February 16, 2012 at 5:10 pm

A car thief making national health care policy. Don't that beat all.

C_R_Eature February 16, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Let's imagine, for a bit that Barry's 2008 Election Media crew came up with a one minute commercial Exactly Like This. What do you think would happen?
I know what would happen. the entire Right Wing Media Industrial Complex would hit the fucking ceiling. For Months.It would be so unfair, media bias, mean nasty Liberals, etc.etc.etc. You know the drill.

And…now…they are doing it to themselves. And…now… they are trying madly to justify this.
I'm running seriously low in Snark. Plenty of Outrage, though, no worries there.

MilwaukeeKent February 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm

But WHY do they want to lose? I ask you, WHY? What can possibly be their game-plan here? Are they throwing a Hail-Mary, hoping that they drive everyone else too insane to vote in November? Why the Mind F*ck? They're not Shakers, they're not Situationists, why is this Lemming-like behavior surfacing in an election year, this drive to self-extinguish…

Negropolis February 17, 2012 at 3:10 am

Walberg is an odious fuck. This is his second, non-consecutive term in Congress, and his district was made safer for him even though he'll probably likely be out in 2012. He's a bought-and-paid for preacher funded by Club for Growth. He's about as hillbilly as you get in the Michigan Congressional delegation.

BTW, every time I see Issa I just want to shout "Thief!"

ttommyunger February 17, 2012 at 9:25 am

Riiiiiiiight, but heavy on the pompous, light on the sausage.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Did you know they're actually calling it the ABC (abortion-breast cancer) Link?

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