THE PLAN REVEALS ITSELF  10:44 am February 16, 2012

Sarah Palin Is Plotting Her Greatest Grift Of All

by Jim Newell

Would Ronald Reagan approve?Oh, oh ho ho ho, oh man, do we feel like idiots! Why was Sarah Palin giving all of those weird semi- or quarter-endorsements to Newt Gingrich a few weeks ago and then trash talking Romney on Fox News Sunday this past weekend? Why is she so intent on seeing the primary process dragged out like this? We’d figured it was just to annoy people for the hell of it, à la her Christine O’Donnell endorsement. But no. (Sigh). So dumb of us! The long-grift at work is right there, in the open, for all to see: She wants to bring the nomination fight to a brokered convention in which party officials eventually ask her to jump in the race. Lazy ol’ Sarah Palin would get to be the nominee, and she wouldn’t have to do more than a day or two’s worth of campaigning to snag it. Of course this is her plan. Ha ha ha ha! It would be the Snowbilly Grift of the Century.

We don’t usually consider Fox Business Network’s Eric Bolling one of the news media’s most savory personalities, but hey, let’s give credit for his work in this interview on his last show yesterday. He knew his subject. It would be a waste of time, see, to ask most politicians, at this early stage in the race, if he or she would accept the presidential nomination at a brokered convention, because they’d easily brush it aside. But it’s the perfect question to ask Sarah Palin, who’s never turned down an opportunity to amplify her childish megalomaniac comedy theories to anyone who’ll listen. From Politico:

“If one of the nominees, one of the GOPers, doesn’t get enough delegates, it could go to a brokered convention,” said Fox Business Network’s Eric Bolling in an interview. “If it does get to that, and someone said, ‘Governor, would you be interested,’ would you be interested?”

“For one, I think that it could get to that. … If it had to be closed up today, the whole nominating process, then we could be looking at a brokered convention. … Nobody is quite there yet, so I think that months from now, if that is the case, all bets are off as to who it will be, willing to offer up themselves up in their name in service to their country.”

“I would do whatever I could to help,” she added, her voice rising.

“That’s, that’s fantastic,” replied Bolling.

“That’s fantastic.” Oh Eric Bolling, you’ll land right on your feet once this all blows over.

You can tell that she’s been thinking about this seriously for a while. She believes that a backroom deal among Republican party leaders could shake out in a way that promotes her. This is quite something. When this presidential cycle was gearing up a year or two ago, we’d expected that if any backroom deal were to occur, it would be a scenario in which Sarah Palin ran and was in a position to win the nomination and had to be stopped, through whatever emergency party mechanism was available. The second possibility would be the same thing, but with Newt Gingrich. (And look at this latest polling news: Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin are now sharing the title of “most disliked politician in America.”) But who knows? Maybe the Republican party will decide to cede the general election during its convention, for laughs. Who knows.

Grift of the Millenium! Best of luck to her and her political comedy plan.

[Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 245 comments }

VinnyThePooh February 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

Opportunity awaits, Empress Palintine.

memzilla February 16, 2012 at 10:48 am

Sarah Palin is simply practicing Mean Six Sigma.

[Of course, Levi n' Bristol were practicing Seen Sex Smegma (ba-domp).]

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

We also would have accepted "Teen Sex Smegma."

weej_bain February 16, 2012 at 11:55 am

ba-domp, ba-domp²
Rim shots volley and thunder
Into the valley of grift rode Sarah of the Tundra

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 10:48 am

God, this c*nt is never going away, is she?

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Like Herpes.

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

The day a cure for Herpes is discovered, it will cure all Herpes except for Sarah.

Trannysurprise February 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

You have a spelling error. It's C U N T. As in, she's a raging blood soaked CUNT on the face of America and apple pie.

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

You obviously haven't experienced The Wrath of The Newell yet….

BornInATrailer February 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

Oh you and your adorable asterisk.

Lascauxcaveman February 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

Of course she's not going away. People like Bolling (and Newell) know she makes good copy.

Exhausted66 February 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Today, we are all herpes.

fuflans February 16, 2012 at 9:40 pm

no she is a cockroach and will survive nuclear meltdown or an iron sky invasion.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

We don’t usually consider Fox Business Network’s Eric Bolling one of the news media’s most savory personalities

Indeed…

Bolling Responds To Rep. Waters' Comments: "Congresswoman, You Saw What Happened To Whitney Houston. Step Away From The Crack Pipe"
~

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

Thank goodness he said he was kidding or I mighta thought he was a r*cist.

Terry February 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

Hmmm, I really don't think so. First, there's no profit margin in being elected to office for Miz Palin. Second, election…or even a campaign…would require her to work. Third, outside of a crazy and shrinking subsection of the GOP, no one much likes her anymore.

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Starbursts"..

MLHencken February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

You may be on to something. If someone could somehow just explain to Grifterbot 2000 that being preznit requires a lot of actual *work* she would run screaming back to Wasilla for an emergency binge eating trip to Taco Bell and thereafter into her jammies to sulk in bed for a month.

V572 Flambé February 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

That's the plan-within-the-plan:

1. Accept a draft from the deadlocked GOPer convention
2. Load up on GOPer wardrobe, makeup, shoes, private-jet travel to escape Wasilla
3. Lose election ignominiously to the luckiest black man who ever lived
4. $$$$ from Fox for life.

This has about as much chance of happening as some Xtian jehadi outpolling Mitt in the caucuses and primari….uh-oh.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

That "Third" hasn't stopped Rmoney, Sant rum, Newt, or Dr. Ron from combing the countryside for votes.

paris biltong February 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

OK, so you and I know that but does she?

spends2much February 16, 2012 at 11:43 am

You're right. She would like from the American people something a bit more Marie Antoinette-ish. Anoint her, give her all the money she can blow on lip liner and Bumpits, and then get back to your serfdom, while constantly worshipping her.

She wants this because she's completely psychologically normal, and is not at all a malignant narcissist with low levels of empathy…

PubOption February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I thought her hairstyle looked familiar.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

You don't think being elected President wouldn't help Sarah's book sales?

Barb February 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

My hatred for this bitch burns like a Honduran prisoner.

memzilla February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

Don't Rethuglicans call them "grilled chimichangas?"

slithytoves February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

Wow.

sezme February 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Too soon.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

Not "too soon" The prescription is every four hours, 2 Percocet and I'm running with scissors here. Meh, I'll forget all the mean things I said while in rehab.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

It seems the Percocet means you have even less of a filter than usual – it's fun!

Barb February 16, 2012 at 11:39 am

Thanks Soros.

ProgressiveInga February 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

That's why higher power invented the 9th step.

proudgrampa February 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

My favorite combo is percocet and Jack Daniels. That will clear up back pain in nothing flat.

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

OMFG

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Gawdamn that was good!

slithytoves February 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

Really?
*shrugs*
Chacun a son gout.

Native_of_SL_UT February 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Barb, Barb, Barb, just because you think it doesn't mean you should say it.
(Except on Wonkette, where it is fine)

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

*grabbing A-1 from the fridge*

Say what?!

~ Jeffrey Dahmer

Biff February 16, 2012 at 11:24 am

Not just you. Working on the campaign in '08 in Nevada, we'd get busloads of volunteers from California. I'd be hooked up with a different one every day, and when asked what energized them the most, it was $arah. Universally. Every single one of them hated her and was willing to uproot themselves from their comfortable lives in Coastal California and come to this blighted desert berg and walk door to door all day, just to do their little part in ensuring that USAmerica wouldn't be saddled with that cunt in any national capacity.

BerkeleyBear February 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

I was in an OFA training the week after she was named as the nominee (that moment when the news plus Rasmussen's shitty polling dragged McCain up in the polls, before she shat all over herself on national TV and McCain botched the response to the economic crisis). The palpable fear of the snowbilly was a unifying theme for what was otherwise a pretty disparate group second only to our hope for electing a sane replacement for W.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I laughed so hard I pre'd a little.

I love you so. Never change.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Love you back!

Nothingisamiss February 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Holy fucking shit. I can't believe I laughed in horror.

I need better drugs. (Dr. Lyles, I'm looking at you.)

Barb February 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Thanks!

PhilippePetain February 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Just soon enough!

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world she should exist."

TeaNuts February 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

Just when you think the collective IQ of the RepuTards couldn't go lower, along comes our favorite MILF.

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

Mom I'd Loathe to Fuck?

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

That does sort of indicate that you would do it , in a pinch.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

I wouldn't and couldn't; it's kind of impossible to get a boner if you're looking at a woman who is that hideously grotesque. And then there's that voice.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

I know that "some" men have a thing for mean chicks. Trust me, this one is a bunny boiler.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

SorosBot, you are a true patriot.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

I happen to like the glasses/librarian look. But that voice, goddamn. That voice….

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

I didn't say I would… and as for the voice I noted about that down the stream.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

I would hope that not one of our beloved and adorable Wonkette men would do her.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

Mooselini will make the snow machines run on time!
~

slowhansolo February 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

"Fantastic." There's another way to interpret that word, you know.

Tundra Grifter February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

Incredible.

V572 Flambé February 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

Topic of a fever dream

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

That's F(apfapfapfap)antastic!!!!!!

ShaveTheWhales February 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Inconceivable.

Baconzgood February 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

Why the fuck doesn't she shut up already. NO ONE CARES SARAH!

north_of_moscow February 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

This puts Santorum's request for Secret Service protection in a whole new light. Watch your back, candidates, lest you end up face first in a turkey grinder.

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

I'd say this would be brilliant; save for the fact that I can't and won't listen to that shrill, folksy cuntiness for more than a 24 hour news cycle. If that.

Joshua Norton February 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

Typical teabagger wingnut. They all want to go to heaven, but none of them want to go through what it takes to get there.

Caribou Barbie would just lurv the nomination, if she doesn't have to, you know, actually run for it. Or spend any money.

ThundercatHo February 16, 2012 at 11:13 am

I believe you have hit the nail on the head, ahem, as it were. There is no work involved. This is summed up nicely in my least favorite bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven". They believe that you can lead an amoral life but as long as you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior all is forgiven.

Lascauxcaveman February 16, 2012 at 11:39 am

Nice system they got there. Sure hope it works out for them.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"Christianity worked for me!"

-BTK

MildMidwesterner February 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

Florida outlawed smoking indoors, so there will be no cigar-filled rooms at the convention in which to broker a deal. Sarah's plan is a FAIL.

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

The key thing to remember about these cocksuckers is that "The Rules Apply to the Little People* Out There, Not To Me" – so light up those stogies, Boys, and pick us a winner!

*No midget libel intended

slowhansolo February 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

Clearly, she is playing 11-dimension checkers.

Guppy February 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I was thinking Candy Land.

Nostrildamus February 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Spin the bottle?

102415 February 16, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Dungeons and Dragons.

boobookitteh February 16, 2012 at 10:53 am

Two words: Dee Lusional.

Tundra Grifter February 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

bbk:

That would make a great Wonkette handle!

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Sadly no. I've said it since this summer. Bible Spice truly believes that she will end up being the Republiklan nominee, because it will be apparent that not one of the candidates stand a snowball's chance in Hell of defeating the Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist Usurper, and they will come begging on their hands and knees for Bible Spice to save them.
And I think she truly believes that the American public loves her so much that she will overwhelmingly be elected to be President of the United States.

Chet Kincaid February 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

What's your point? What you have described is in fact Dee Lusional.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I stand corrected.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

Um, why would the Republican leaders turn to a candidate who is universally loathed and guarantee an Obama victory in all fifty states?

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 11:24 am

Because they are really into S&M but are a little too shy to wear the assless chaps in public?

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

So they're really just looking into being dominated by the black man, and sublimate their desire into incoherent racist rage. Kinky.

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

These are the same 'tards that were prepared to crash the economy over the debt ceiling. To them, it's more important that they make their loud and righteous point now than consider the potentially catastrophic consequences later. My 8 yo has a better grasp of the long view than these fuckers.

Not_So_Much February 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

I don't think the deep money would. I've read speculation about them punting this cycle already because the field is so stupid/shitty/incompetent and just focusing on making Barry's second term so horrible that they'll sweep in big in '16.

Crank_Tango February 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

because libtards are scared of Sarah Palin doncha know, wink wink.

gullywompr February 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Gonna happen anyway, what do they have to lose? Truth is, they already lost their whole shebang in 2008, this is just the afterglow.

FlownOver February 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

What's your evidence for them trying anything else this year?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

They don't believe that. Remember, they think that they represent the majority of Americans. Despite evidence to the contrary.

MLHencken February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

Sarah Palin stars in: Maximum Grift.

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

Is that a sequel or a prequel to "Nailin' Palin'?

MLHencken February 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

Depends on who can be signed up as producer.

And isn't it "Who's Nailin' Palin"?

Chillwillard February 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I hope it's Michael Bay, cause they deserve each other. And yes, I believe that's the title (sorry, I'm behind on my porn).

MadBrahms February 16, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I believe the film's answer to that question was "All of them, Katie."

monty4prez February 17, 2012 at 10:02 am

More like "Grifter Elite"

Indiepalin February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

Offering one's services to the highest bidder? Isn't there a word for that? Help me out here…

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 11:15 am

Patriot.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

Maverick?

Not_So_Much February 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

Lobbyist?

Barrelhse February 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

Attorney.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Congressman.

FlownOver February 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Capitalist.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hitler?

DetectiveGrey February 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Whor– I mean Profiteer.

102415 February 16, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Whore, she is just dickering about the price.

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

From an author I just discovered, though this is from "Notes" on her anthologized poems several years ago:

“I wrote this series of poems during the lead-up to the 2008 election. I was terrified that the McCain-Palin ticket would win, and I was bereft of language. In fact, I felt abandoned by words and so I sought them out – but not just any words. I sought out abandoned words so that I would have a kinship with them at least…”

Julianna Baggott, author of “To My Lover, Concerning the Yird-Swine” and other poems.

Yeesh, what a bloody Valentine to swallow.

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Maya Angelou was concerned about a McCain presidency too.

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

What a great word(s) – yird-swine. As in "Palin, the yird-swine, loves to hang out where turkeys and others are being beheaded."

chascates February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

And Willie Sutton would be willing to help banks design their security.

mrpuma2u February 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

I doubt the Wasilla grifter would fare well in the backroom dealings, she is too used to her sycophant entourage to have any actual skills at real deal brokering. She would scream "blood libel" or some such and go across the table, swinging a walrus skinning knife at the first snarky comment Callista made about her outfit not matching.

TanzbodenKoenig February 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

I'm not even mad, I'm just impressed.

Also I hope it does work out how she wants this race hasnt been funny since all the clowns dropped out and they stopped lettin Newtles self destruct on the TV

EatsBabyDingos February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

In Sarah's honor, I am going to the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, where they have an eight foot tall bronze statue of said Ronald Reagan Washington, whoever he was, and put a large banana with a condom between his legs, and a Minnie Pearl hat on his head, with price tag, and a large note for his chest thanking him for this Afterbirth of a Nation that his party has spawned.

Then I'm going to sing the Doom Song, "doom dee doom deedoom."

PuckStopsHere February 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Fuck Ronald Reagan. And his airport, too.

yyyaz February 16, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Fuck him and every deranged lickspittle who still worships his worm-ridden corpse.

sezme February 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

I think the important question for Sarah is, if she were not the vice-presidential, but the presidential nominee, would she have to return the clothing to Neiman Marcus after she lost?

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Truly insidious ridiculous grifter

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Fuck, she's even lazier than Fred Thompson.

Beetagger February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

In a year she'll be doing commercials for reverse mortgages and catheters.

ChessieNefercat February 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm

One can only hope that she doesn't feel compelled to wink, flirt, wiggle, and demo catheter insertion for us accompanied by a voice-over in her dreadful sing-songy metallic screech.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

This is Palin we're talking about: more likely ads for Forever Lazies and pregnancy tests.

MLHencken February 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I suppose this is better than a reverse catheter.

Schmannnity February 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

She probably wants a "brokered" convention so she can get her 6% or 10% commission.

freakishlywrong February 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

Oh Jesus, and Tawd and Piper and Tripp and Trak and fuck the world, all of the attendant hillbillies.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

Snowmobiling in the Rose Garden!

Schmannnity February 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

Needz more bus tourz

MLHencken February 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

Choosing between Palin and Gingrich is like having to choose between being stabbed in the eye with an icepick or a fork.

johnnyzhivago February 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

GOP could just submit "no nomination made" – like the dems do out here in Republican Jerseystan for township committee, dog catcher, etc…

Or they could just plead ignorance and say we "forgot" to file the paperwork and blame Obama or something.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

ACORN up to their evil tricks again!!! Call O'Queef the Pimp to investigate!

johnnyzhivago February 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

Palin as the nominee would be the ultimate grift – and the ultimate publicity stunt for MOON NAZI MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

“I would do whatever I could to help,” she added, her voice rising.

Ah, so that is why my dogs were running around barking and bleeding from their ears… poor BubbaDawg and Smokey.

Biff February 16, 2012 at 11:36 am

OMG. I live out in the weeds where almost everyone has a herd of dogs for whatever reasons, security I guess since there's nothing to hunt here. The ones that spend all day howling must have owners watching fox. The ones that don't howl must belong to poors without TV, since everyone watches fox that can watch fox, right?

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

B-I-N-G-O…

Negligently_Joe February 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

Was this before, or after, Bolling said that Rep. Maxine Waters was doing crack, and pills?

See, because she shares qualities with Whitney Houston (i.e, Blah-ness and being a woman), get it?? GET IT?? #funnyjokes #notaracist

Salam Bombay February 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Jim Linked to Politico?!?

And come on, did you really not figure this out when she 'endorsed' Newt? Of course that was her plan all along.

On the other hand, it could be that after a long day at work my snark / sarcasm detector is failing me…

JustPixelz February 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Palin for POTUS? I heard she was born in Canada. And uses birth control. Also pals around with Glen Rice.

qwerty42 February 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Oh Sarah. The once and future queen. So will she pick Romney or Santorum or Gingrich as a running mate, or will it be someone really off the wall? maybe Sheriff Joe!

bureaucrap February 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

Like her favorite president, Warren Harding, she is ready to go full-sleazeball. She's already had surveyors draw up plat lines for lots in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, to be made available as "thank you gifts" to all of her $1m + donors.

Biff February 16, 2012 at 11:53 am

This time the surveyor's marks targets mean business.

Barb February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

Could you imagine the White House Easter egg hunt if she got the job? The little kids would be picking up fetuses that her daughters litter the lawn with. *shiver*

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Think they will keep the Palin tradition of giving an extra serving of fresh killed turkey to the one who finds Little Baby T painted as the golden egg?

ChessieNefercat February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Listening to her screech, the Bunny would hop right into the pot of boiling water just for the sweet release of death.

SolitaireRose February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

And if she doesn't get it it, she's going to go on a pointless bus trip to nowhere. And quit halfway through that. And blame Obama.

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

She'll be blaming Obama, regardless.

Salam Bombay February 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

Also, too, about 27% percent people approve of Sarah Palin.
That dude who came up with Crazyfication Factor theory should win the Noble Prize.

Tundra Grifter February 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

Y'all write "Grifter" like it's a bad thing!

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

This is good news for a pair of sisters about to start their own beauty parlor/ meth den/ fluff-n-fold.

ChessieNefercat February 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I understand "fluff" is their top talent.

DerrickWildcat February 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

This is how I used to play that game, "Myth" online. 5 or 6 people could play at a time and you started with like a Lord of the Rings type of army. Like a Wizard, Archers, Axe Men…little guys like that. Your job was to capture the the flag thingie in the middle of the World. When the game started, everybody raced to the flag and fought each other. I would just stand around for a few minutes and wait for everyone to wipe each other out and then stroll to the flag with little resistance, grab the flag and win. I got called, cheater, fag and pussy a lot, but i won nearly every game. This is what Palin is doing.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

Did she just put a roofie in Zombie Reagan's Geritol?!

sharethegrief February 16, 2012 at 11:15 am

A new product is in the works for Mattel. It's called Won't Die Barbie.

Blueb4sunrise February 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

Mandatory daily sonograms for all nominees.

TheRiverCharley February 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

This is simply a result of her unique experience – no matter where Sarah Palin is in the world, she can see Never-Never Land.

bikerlaureate February 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

I don't know what I did to that woman to deserve this.

north_of_moscow February 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

Two more years! Two more years! Two more years!

Monsieur_Grumpe February 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

This RNC will be the best ever!
I'm predicting fist fights, spitting, cussing and hair pulling…. and that's just in the men's room.

SheriffRoscoe February 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

The GOP could finally fall in line and in love.

DemonicRage February 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

She is living in a FANTASY WORLD!

Smithboy February 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Sarah Palin is a neocon (Bill Kristol) creation. The same warmongers who pressed for the Iraq war and are now pushing for the US to attack Iran, plunging the world into an oil crisis, the likes of which we have never seen before, know that Sarah Palin would be a female GW BUSH, taking orders from Tel Aviv.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

And if she got the nomination, you just know that Dick Cheney would be her V.P. candidate.

ThundercatHo February 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

If this actually happens it probably means that I've finally paid off my karmic debt.

meatlofer February 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

and they shall serve Rice at the victory party.Glenn Rice that is.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

Twat Waffle!!!!!!

Sorry.

Biff February 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

Make hers a blue one!

CapnFatback February 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

I suppose the best long con ever would be to portray yourself as someone who would be compelled to quit midway through a long con. Genius!

Not_So_Much February 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

You can tell that she’s been thinking about this seriously for a while.

is where I get pessimistic. This twatwaffle hasn't had a serious thought, other than about Glenn Rice's delightful ebony wang, rattle through her empty head her entire life.

KeepFnThatChicken February 16, 2012 at 11:36 am

DOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

That is the death knell of the nominee… whoever they are.

jus_wonderin February 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

This might be TMI but I have a rash like this woman.

Steverino247 February 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

I've been saying this for months. She knows she can't compete with the others, so she has to wait until they all burn out or self destruct or things get deadlocked at the convention. It's part of her psychpathology to believe people really love her and want her to be President to rescue them. She's ready for her close up, Mr. DeMille, because she loves all those wonderful people out there in the dark (corners of the Republican base).

ChessieNefercat February 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm

A great ad would be some sort of melding of the original Norah Desmond scene with wonky-eyed Palin wriggling around yapping about someone with a "servant's heart" (retch) being ready to answer the call.

Especially with some of the more ghastly aging hooker fashions/wigs she's treated us to lately.

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 11:38 am

All snark aside, if this actually came to pass, I would get down on my knees and give thanks to all the deities I don't believe in (I can do hypocrisy when circumstances demand it), because it would (i) be the most entertaining election in living memory, and (ii) signal the end of the conservatard republicans as a viable political force.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

I hear that. It might be the GOP's wakeup call that pandering to the angry, pig-ignorant wing is not a viable strategy.

James Michael Curley February 16, 2012 at 11:44 am

Someone's got their Bumpit on too tight.

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 11:45 am

The Greatest Grift of All

A very uplifting and inspiring song for all those "too rich for crack"…

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

Grifty is Nifty is the new Crack is Whack

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 11:46 am

Jesus, now Perrywinkle and One L will jump back into the race. Just for the sexytimez.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 11:50 am

It's not every day you get a grifter toast from Dead Zombie Reagan.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

If Sarah was to somehow to get the nomination, could you imagine her concession speech? It would be the most graceless and angry ever, and mark her as the country's sorest loser; she'd probably almost immediately start making up some bullshit about election fraud and screeching at everyone who voted for that man instead of her.

ThundercatHo February 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Can you imagine Barry's face during the debates? (Ha, ha, omg, wtf? No, no, must maintain presidential face. Can not burst into a gut busting belly laugh.)

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I've been wondering the same thing for all the GOP candidates, none of whom has enough brain cells to stand and speak at the same time. How will O control the urge to fall out?

Negropolis February 17, 2012 at 2:59 am

Needless to say, "nigger" would be used for the first time ever in a concession speech.

stanpan February 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

Hey! In the article, she wasn't droppin' any g's! I think there was a Palin imposter pulling the wool over Crackpipe Bolling's eyes!

widestanceromance February 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Shiz still the rill dill.

The Gs come off when she speaks to the common people.

ShiftyParadigm February 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Every time she opens her mouth I say the same prayer: "Dear Lord, look in anger at your servant John McCain and smite him with at least seven of the ten plagues. He hath loosed the demon upon us, and is worthy of your wrath."

Sharkey February 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

She didn't have to campaign for the VP nom, why should she have to campaign for the Presidential one?

ChessieNefercat February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Sadly, I think that is what passes for reasoned thinking in her empty little head.

Blueb4sunrise February 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Meanwhile, in Arizona…………..

PHOENIX – Teachers who promote "partisan doctrine" in the classroom would be automatically fired, and districts that allow it would lose state funding, under a proposed law approved Wednesday by a Senate panel.

Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

That would probably include any science or history teacher who actually does their job; fuck.

Blueb4sunrise February 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Slavery-Good or Bad?

YasserArraFeck February 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Arizona…….need any more be said?

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Why don't these people quit fucking around and just go full-Taliban?

Poindexter718 February 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

This bespectacled colostomy bag has been relegated to Fox Business News and yet she thinks she is the GOP's saviour???
Good grief.

Slim_Pickins February 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm

What's the problem? If nominated she will quit the race by mid-October at the latest.

gullywompr February 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

When the Moon Nazis attack during the brokered convention, the choice will become obvious.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Wasn't that douchebag realtor dude a big Palin supporter?

ThundercatHo February 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Shh, don't say his name or he may come back, like he-who-must-not-be-named.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"Douchebag" and "realtor" are redundant.

wapitiscat February 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

So, is this good news for John McCain or not? I've never been good at assessing that.

KeepFnThatChicken February 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Didn't she also win second place in some beauty pageant? WAY TO EXCEL THERE, "MISS CONGENIALITY." Second place is the first loser.

DemmeFatale February 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

''Second place just means you are first in a long line of losers."

–"Inspirational" poster at my local physical rehab.
(Asshole jocks!)

Generation[redacted] February 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Look at her, she's driving Reagan to drink.

Generation[redacted] February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

You'll be glad she's in the White House when the Moon Nazis invade.

Chichikovovich February 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Sarah absolutely does not want the work etc. needed to run for Pres. This is what 80s arbitrageurs called "greenmail" – she's counting on the convention Sans-Culottes [metaphorically speaking, of course. I don't mean that there will be a hall full of Republicans with no underwear. Yuck.] getting out of control and careening toward Sarah as the savior, despite all efforts of the establishment to control them. Then suddenly unknown benefactors chip in to buy her a $100 million dollar beachfront estate in the Caribbean, and she discovers the need to spend more time with a child who shall not be named.

(A longer version of this post got administratored, for reasons opaque to me. Chichikovovich scholars of the 22nd Century will be very upset at the lacuna in the Oevres Complètes. See if this one survives.)

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Prolly cause it was longer.

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

It's not just you. I keep getting deleted, for trying to reply to Gemini's reply in my earlier comment. I found her here at your corner & attempted to re-post my response to her, and failed. Very frustrating.

James Michael Curley February 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

This strategy worked well for a friend of mine. But it was, "I don't go out to the bars before 11:00 because the women are too sober to come near me."

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Just plain cash probably. And it would take a hell of a lot. I don't know, how much would you be willing to pimp me out to Sarah for?

MissTaken February 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I hope it would require at least as much as it would take for me to bang Santorum, and fortunately I don't have $10 million just lying around.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Of course Santorum would only be interested if he could get you pregnant; that really would require a great deal of money.

Nothingisamiss February 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Nope. Not for 10 million.

vtxmcrider February 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I would fuck Santorum for free … just so I could get it on film and post it all over this network of pipes.

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I cannot emphasize enough how much Haley Barbour must be kicking himself right now (either for not running or by then killing his political future with his mass pardons…pick one).

lulzmonger February 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL LIBEL!

StarsUponThars February 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Because the greatest grift of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest grift of all
Inside of me
The greatest grift of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to grift yourself
It is the greatest grift of all

(with apologies to Miss Houston)

WiscDad February 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

WTF is up with that answer? For one, I think Hell could freeze over too…if it happened today…but it won't, we're not there yet…maybe in a couple of months from now…whatever

Guppy February 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I'll believe a brokered convention when I see one (and it's never happened in my lifetime).

Let me put it this way: if things get brokered, why bother with primary elections? And if you don't bother with primary elections, where are the primary campaign donors?

mavenmaven February 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

BRIS-TOL! BRIS-TOL!

Sheesko February 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Look at it this way: People who dislike are a strong voting block. A Gingrich/Palin ticket could sweep that mob.

Dashboard Buddha February 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

She's the grift that keeps on giving.

ElPinche February 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Needs moar "Nailin Paylin II: Grifter goes to Washington" !

In this new Vivid video, Sarah sucks and fucks her way to the U.S. Presidency. In one scene, Sarah tries to steal the president's birth certificate. President Barry Obamer catches her, and of course, she can't resist his "long form." Barry pounds her salmon hole from behind while her ment4lly challenged son (played by Wee Man) watches on . Watch Sarah milk men on her way to the top!

Chet Kincaid February 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Respectable Cocks" launched a music revolution in '77!

chascates February 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Robert Zimmerman on CNN this morning talking about Sarah Palin still doubting Romney's conservative cred:

Having to defend your credentials to Sarah Palin, well that’s sort of like having to defend your sense of character and style to Snooki or Nicki Minaj. Or defending your sense of history to Rick Perry or Michele Bachmann. Certainly the idea that Sarah Palin’s setting the standard, after she quit her governorship mid-term, is hardly the issue.

NYNYNYjr February 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Then on the night after the inauguration, she quietly opens the safe behind the duck painting in the oval office, pockets the Taft diamond, sneaks out through the secret presidential escape tunnel where on the other side Todd is waiting on his snowmobile, and disappears into the night. Vice-President Joe Plumber is questioned, but he was never in on it and it turns out he's a really good chief exec.

MadBrahms February 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

In honor of Whitney Houston, she will use "Learning to Love Yourself" (The Greatest Love) as her campaign music.

rocktonsam February 16, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"she wouldn't have to do a day or two's worth of campaigning to snag it."

then quit

ibwilliamsi February 16, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Sarah is the perfect example of "a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing". Who the hell put THIS bug in her ear?

fuflans February 16, 2012 at 11:59 pm

i actually don't think st. ronnie would much approve of st. sarah.

or, well, he would totally not see her at the party until he was drunk and she was desperate and then he'd take her home for a quick malibu fuck and that would be the closest the world ever got to turning on its axis.

Negropolis February 17, 2012 at 2:46 am

Come on, come on…Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

ttommyunger February 17, 2012 at 9:29 am

Haven't seen a jacket that snappy since my last viewing of Holocaust Docs.

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

She probably is – really I don't see how anyone could be attracted to such an awful awful person, even if she was physically attractive, which she's not. I prefer women who are sweet and only naughty in a sexual way, as everyone here probably knows.

DaRooster February 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

There was a day… but I am not that high/drunk/stupid anymore… at least I like to think…
But I have been with some evil, dumb bitches before…

Not_So_Much February 16, 2012 at 11:44 am

The thought of a donkey-punch isn't entirely unappealing. But, no, my outie would become an innie around that black-hearted shrew…

BerkeleyBear February 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

Sadly, LL, you know full well that with enough booze most would likely succumb to the succubus. Personally I can't stand stupid, mean women and I'm socially awkward enough she'd never willingly spend time with me. Woo-hoo – the side benefits of anxiety.

FlownOver February 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I dunno… can she screech with her mouth full? Loud enough to overcome the Bose QC-15 Quiet Comfort™ noise-canceling headphones?

(Note to self… be sure to send invoice for $200K "campaign contribution" to Bose)

Chet Kincaid February 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

She is afflicted with a flat ass, among other horrible disabilities, so I am practically genetically unable to salute.

TeaNuts February 16, 2012 at 11:52 am

I think we have all had "Coyote" love at some point. How many showers would that take?

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

MrLimeylizzie is very socially awkward, but he is extremely handsome and so women hit on him all the time and he has no clue that it is happening and if he does realise then he just freezes up.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Someone has a crush on Tina Fey, I bet.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

That's why the ball gag was invented.

Fare la Volpe February 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

You always want to snag the ones who don't know they're pretty.

BarackMyWorld February 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

11 dimensional chess, I tells ya.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

That's right, that's how I snagged him, it was on a movie set and he was surrounded by all these model/actresses who were trying to entice him and he was scared of them, so I went with the humour and the big tits meme…bingo!

Nothingisamiss February 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Mr. Amiss still falls for it.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

MrAmiss is the best name so far for a Wonkette spousal unit.

chicken_thief February 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Guilty as charged. I recently watched a rerun episode of 30 Rock where, on a first date, one of her boobs popped out of her blouse. Not shown of course, but I still almost went into cardiac arrest.

Limeylizzie February 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Glad to hear that!

Gainsbourg69 February 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

A little bit of booty goes a long way.

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