STINGS  2:28 pm February 15, 2012

Feds Seize Thousands Of Ugly Electrocuting Hair Dryers From Hell

by Jim Newell

See those ugly ass swirly neon hair dryers/butt fluffers? Well they just got busted, like suckers, at the illegal ports of Miami and Los Angeles. Thousands of them. 13,000+! Apparently if you use these things to dry your hair or fluff your butt you get electrocuted and then explode, maybe. Isn’t that the whole fun point of it, though? There are layers and layers to this thing (not really).

Customs and Border Protection explains how it rooted out these shiftless illegal hairdryers in a targeting operation:

Washington — U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) seized thousands of hair dryers recently that were determined to constitute a “substantial product hazard” under U.S. law, for failing to have adequate immersion protection. The potentially dangerous hair dryers were identified through a nationwide targeting operation by the CBP Import Safety Commercial Targeting and Analysis Center (CTAC).

As a result of the targeting operation, CBP officers in the port of Los Angeles seized an entire shipment of 9,768 hair dryers that lacked shock protection for consumers. Lack of proper shock protection could lead to an electrocution if contact is made with a water source. The port of Miami had a notable seizure of 3,614 hair dryers that also lacked proper shock protection for consumers. These two shipments, containing a total of 13,382 hair dryers, had an estimated domestic value of approximately $229,998 with a manufacturer’s suggested retail price of $2,506,517.

It’s the wussification of America, ain’t that right, Conservative Comedian? Back in the old days, getting electrocuted by an ugly pink swirly death machine and butt fluffer was a badge of honor. Now everything’s just abortion this, welfare that…

[CBP via Chris Moody]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 122 comments }

nounverb911 February 15, 2012 at 2:30 pm

So is that what happened to Callista's hair?

Dudleydidwrong February 15, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Yeah, that and copious amounts of pig grease mixed with Santorum.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

No, the first time she saw Newt's newticles, her brain short-circuited and fried her hair; it's looked like that ever since.

Barb February 15, 2012 at 2:31 pm

This would be my second choice for a Valentine's Day gift for Sarah Palin, right behind the GE 4-slice shower toaster.

smokefilledroommate February 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm

and some lawn darts.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Reminds me of a song!

smokefilledroommate February 15, 2012 at 2:45 pm

that was absolutely wonderful.

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

My Mom bought us a set of those – they were called "Jarts."

Heavy steel points with big rubber fins – dangerous as hell. No question about it.

smokefilledroommate February 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Our family had Jarts, too. Thank god nobody died.

Gunner Asch February 15, 2012 at 7:18 pm

My favorite toy was a blowgun with 6" steel darts. I could sink them 2 inches deep in the trees from quite a ways off. Of course I played with it on a suburban street, to no one's concern – least of all mine. This would have been '57 or '58. The good ole days!

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 9:02 pm

GA:

We made our own. Copper tubing for the blowgun. Chuck a stick of steel coathanger into an electric drill and make a point on a sharpening stone.

The "feathers" (fletching?) were foam rubber coated with glue.

Those suckers would stick well into a board.

thetimchannel February 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Stick a fork in in Barb.
Enjoy.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm

…failing to have adequate immersion protection…

I think someone is unclear on the concept of hair-drying.

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 2:35 pm

You have to know that those silly "Do not use while sleeping" warnings came in response to some lawsuit where, you know, someone fell asleep using a hairdryer and burned her (or his) house down.

Similarly…

James Michael Curley February 15, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Yes, believe it. Someone fell asleep while using her hair dryer in bed and burned down the house. I through a lot of the junk out but I read it in a Products Liability newsletter from years ago. The reported decision merely gave the plaintiff a pass to allow the law suit to continue. Never bothered to follow up.

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

hair-drying frying. Fixed.

smokefilledroommate February 15, 2012 at 2:33 pm

They have the "do not remove/badly illustrated electrocution" tag on them, isn't that enough?

Schmannnity February 15, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Ground fault interruptus

Pragmatist2 February 15, 2012 at 2:34 pm

What's news about blow jobs from illegal immigrants?

MrFizzy February 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

That could be an immersion hazard too.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Customs is all in favor of them.

Grief_Lessons February 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Fatal blow jobs, no less.

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I'll bet these go in the green bag of that Congressman who bragged at CPAC about the liberty of light bulbs.

Callyson February 15, 2012 at 2:35 pm

That reminds me, I need to get a new vibrator. The old one broke. (Really, manufacturers need to make these things more durable…)

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Get a man to stand in a pool of water with one of these babies, and your problems are over!

MissTaken February 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Jimmyjane Form 2, I'm just saying.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

If you are anywhere near VA, you could just tell them that you are preggers and wanna end it – unlimited free probes!!!

MissTaken February 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Once again, Big Government infringing on my right to get electrocuted while blowing.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 2:57 pm

They can take away my cattle prod when they ply it from my cold, dead….,

Wait, you meant a different form of blowing, right?

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

They only want to electrocute people when THEY decide to.

coolhandnuke February 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Well, most homes in the country are underwater, so this makes perfect sense.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"…for failing to have adequate immersion protection."

Am I the only one that waits until I get out of the shower to dry my hair?

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

They really are pretty shocking…

smokefilledroommate February 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

It violates the Constitution!

ifthethunderdontgetya February 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Shocking news, if true.
~

JudasPeckerwood February 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm

No gubmint gonna tell me not to blow-dry mah hair in the shower!!!1!!11!!!

BigDumbRedDog February 15, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Anyone who buys a pink, animal print hair dryer deserves to be electrocuted.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:24 pm

*looks around to make sure nobody is watching*
*shamefacedly puts pink hair dryer back on store shelf*

littlebigdaddy February 15, 2012 at 2:40 pm

This is bad news for Mittens.

SayItWithWookies February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I don't know if it's worth seizing those things — in all likelihood, anyone who buys something that ugly at a one-thousand-percent markup is just a mutilation or death waiting to happen anyway.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Functionality aside, I think they should be sent back to wherever because they're fucking hideous looking. They been sitting on a dock since '62 or what?

spinozasgod February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

FREE MARKET LIBEL!!!!!

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

So, the manufacturers suggested retail is ~1000% greater than the estimated domestic value? I think The Fucking Delusional Optimist Electrical Co. needs to redo their numbers.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Is this anything like those inflated "street value" of drugs seized by delusional cops?

ShaveTheWhales February 16, 2012 at 2:32 am

That was my thought. If taken literally, these hair dryers have an MSRP of $187.

BigDumbRedDog February 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Shouldn't the invisible hand of the free market be taking care of this? Get out of our business gubmint!

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

the government shouldn't get in the way of people who dry their hair in a running shower or full bathtub from Darwinning themselves away.

Blueb4sunrise February 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Impeach HOLDER!!!!!!! NINEEEEEEEEEELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrFizzy February 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Socialists just don't want my hair looking good. Bitches.

DocChaos February 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

"These two shipments, containing a total of 13,382 hair dryers, had an estimated domestic value of approximately $229,998 with a manufacturer’s suggested retail price of $2,506,517."

So a domestic value of about $17 each, but an msrp of over $180?

Is this like when a drug seizure has a "street value" of 10 million dollars, but that's really just the inflated msrp that no one actually pays?

prommie February 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Buy low, sell high. Now you have an MBA!

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I'll be damned if I can figure out how to "cut" a hair dryer with milk sugar.

johnnyzhivago February 15, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Can we buy the lot and send them as free gifts to every Republican office holder in the country?

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 2:56 pm

What's the difference between these and politicians?
One is an ugly unreliable bargain-basement producer of hot air..and the other is a hair dryer.

boom boom

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

One blows big time, and the other…
No, that won't work.

gullywompr February 15, 2012 at 2:48 pm

What? You can fluff butts with these things?

Chillwillard February 15, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This is bad news for Southern women.

littlebigdaddy February 15, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Most things are.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The ones in Virginia have bigger problems right now.

Dudleydidwrong February 15, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Anybody who would pay over $150 for one of those things would vote Republican. Hell, Anybody who would buy one of those things for $1.98 at the local Dollar General would vote Republican.

I'll bet that Callista has two.

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

one for herself and the other to inflate Newt in the morning – all that bloviatory hot air doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Talking about fluffing a butt(n) asshole!

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:29 pm

"I'll bet that Callista has two."

Who'd know better about blowing?

WhatTheHeck February 15, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Hey Feds, you can take my hair dryer from my cold, wet and dead hands

anniegetyerfun February 15, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I'm convinced that Kim Jong Illin' had warehouses full of these things.

Mumbletypeg February 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'm gonna have to check snopes or something. Can't seem to Google up the origins of the hair-dryer electrocuting risk — not where it dropped in the bathtub anyway, unless that's how a lot of fried balls ' accounts found their way into the ether-archive.

prommie February 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

FiveBelow is frantically searching for new stock. Newell, my man, this is hardly snark-worthy, so the FTC mandated GFCI devices at some point (probably under pressure from the GFCI manufacturers), and now, all of a sudden, it is some heinous sin to import hairdryers that are no more dangerous than every single hairdryer ever sold before 1987? My father worked in a Dutch Boy paint factory for years; the name of the company that actually owned Dutch Boy was "National Lead." It was perfectly harmless, until one day it became deadly poisonous! Guys used to walk around the plant covered in white lead powder, like they were in a flour explosion. Then they would shower and use non-GFCI hairdryers, and drink radiator-distilled moonshine! Men were men, in those days.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

One generation out, a newer one in: after they banned lead, some industries began to use barite as a substitute. I made a living for a time hauling barite from a remote mine here in Nevaduh. You really get a feel for why shit gets so expensive when you realize that you can only legally haul 5 cubic yards of this stuff on a semi rated for 80,000 lbs gross.

prommie February 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Fucking regulators regulatin' everything and shit.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I know! I should've been able to cross the scales at 140,000 lbs if I wanted to! It was my truck, right? Who else could it possibly hurt?

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 2:59 pm

They should just re-label them "Tasers" and sell them to the Iraqi and Afghan Governments. That would be the true American way!

Biff February 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Our own contractors mercenaries do a pretty good job of electrocuting our soldiers already.

sharethegrief February 15, 2012 at 2:59 pm

These should have gone into the gift bags doled out at CPAC.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Especially since You Know Who would have used them on her 'do the next *day*, don't'cha know, you betcha *wink*.

meatlofer February 15, 2012 at 2:59 pm

So Newt was blow drying his cock,and Callista,asked "what are you doing?" and Newt said,"Warming up your dinner!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 2:59 pm

The Miami Sound Machine will never be the same!

(God, I'm dating myself.)

prommie February 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Come on baby let me feel the congas, or whatever the fuck, wanna do some blow?

swordfis February 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"Electric eels, I might add, do it, though it shocks them, I know…"

widestanceshakedown February 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Sometimes, you dry your hair with the blow dryer you wish you had. . .

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Why do hair dryers have a sticker warning "Do Not Use in Bathtub?"

Because somebody tried that and it didn't end well…

coolhandnuke February 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

The Big Hair Big Government Conspiracy gets bigger.

BigDumbRedDog February 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

These hair dryers are programmed to automatically give everyone who uses them a giant bouffant and lee press-on nails.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Sell them in New Jersey, we'll make a fortune, I tells ya!

Gunner Asch February 15, 2012 at 7:28 pm

When my daughter was about 5 she thought lee press-on nails were some sort of magical talisman leading to a life like a Disney Princess. I'm not sure she actually knew what they were.

muthalovin February 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Today, we are all ugly hair dryers from hell. Never forget!

emmelemm February 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I actually still use a hair dryer old enough to not have the immersion protector doohickey. Cuz that's how I roll… on the edge.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Sometimes I microwave my entree for 5 minutes, even though the package says 6, because that's the kind of crazy chick I am.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I have plugged over five sets of Christmas lights together, and they were not LEDs!

missemish February 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I had a hairdryer that said "Do not use while sleeping" You just know SOMEONE did that and was like "I WAS NOT PROPERLY INFORMED OF THE LIMITATIONS. YOU MUST PAY MY MEDICAL EXPENSES!" Now it's on the tag.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Why can't I go make a pot of coffee in the motorhome? I set the cruise control and everything!

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm

One of my workplaces had a metal ladder for… installing stuff, I guess, who knows?… that had a warning to the effect of, "WARNING!! THIS LADDER IS METAL! METAL CONDUCTS ELECTRICITY! DO *NOT* STAND ON THIS METAL LADDER WHILE HOLDING A LIVE WIRE!!"

Three guesses how they came up with that one.

sunmusing February 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Being an electrician this is a little embarrassing, but….years ago…..just after 'lectricity was invented, I was using a CORDED drill with an extention cord at the top of a 24' aluminum ladder, I needed a little more cord to reach the metal beam I was drilling into, well, I got the bit stuck, jerked on the cord and by chance a sharp area on the ladder skinned the insulation and the hot wire made contact with the ladder. Have you ever seen the "120 volt dance?" t'wern't perty. There was nothing to do but slide down the ladder, through the sparks and welded metal, to a not so soft landing. While I was on my back trying to asses the damage, a fella who had witness the light show and daredevil act, came over, looked down and very calmly said, "There are two things to remember about electricity, One..you can't see it, and Two..it can kill ya." I don't remember much else other than… I purchased CORDLESS drill the next day. Anyway, reading instructions is for pussys.

mavenmaven February 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I still have all the tags on that say "under penalty of law, do not remove tag". So I guess that makes me a big government libunatic.

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

the trick is to make sure you're standing out in the open when you remove the tag

Radiotherapy February 15, 2012 at 3:10 pm

This is bad news for Jeremy Lin.

Maman February 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

How did you know that my daughter uses her hairdryer to keep her butt warm? Do you have camera's here? Can I get access to them? She's crazy, that one is..

prommie February 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Many vending machines have a warning sticker on the front that I call the "Homer Simpson Warning," which shows an illustration of the machine tipped over on top of, and squashing, someone.

missemish February 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I thought the McDonalds Coffee is hot lawsuit (is that even real) totally ridiculous, until I actually had coffee there and holy fuck it is hotter than any other beverage I've ever been served. Surprised it wasn't boiling in the cup.

James Michael Curley February 15, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Yes it is real. Mickey D guaranteed the humongous punitive damage award they got when it was discovered; a.) They had a policy of having the coffee at 180 degrees to keep so they did not have to have their people respond to requests to warm up cold cups of coffee and b.) They had memos showing they were award of the danger if the coffee spilled on the customer but a.) was pre-eminent because they felt at a cooler temperature they wasted too much coffee.

missemish February 15, 2012 at 3:35 pm

ahHA! Yeah, it was definitely a case of "Okay, I take it back this is NOT ridiculous at all, that is TOO HOT."

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:50 pm

a) it was an elderly woman
b) she got severe third degree burns that required skin grafts
c) the woman offered to settle out of court, and McDonald's turned her down flat
d) McD's had been repeatedly sued before for burning customers, and refused to lower the temperature of the coffee
http://www.cracked.com/article_19150_6-famous-fri

sezme February 15, 2012 at 3:32 pm

See, this is why we have government: to make it safe to blow-dry our hair while taking a bath. Can anyone think of a better definition of progress?

James Michael Curley February 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I had to defend a law suit by a plaintiff who fell in a supermarket when she did not see and tripped over one of those bright yellow signs they place on spills to keep people from slipping in the spill. Plaintiff stated at the dep in response to "What were you doing immediately before your fell?" "I was looking for a coupon in my purse." Motion for Summary Judgment – Slam Dunk from the half court.

prommie February 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Did the coupon have a warning advising not to peruse coupons while walking around, Mr. smarty-pants attorney for WalMart? You're just lucky you were up against a stupid plaintiffs lawyer who didn't think of that angle. Is it reasonably foreseeable that a store coupon would be read by someone who is walking around the store? Its so foreseeable, this borders on a purposeful act, they set up a trap, a pitfall for the unwary, by distributing these coupons knowing people would have to organize and sort them while walking around a store that is a veritable obstacle-course of spills and safety cones!

MilwaukeeKent February 15, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I have a few questions. Was the spill actually dry at the time she fell over the approximately 20 inch tall sign? Do you recall approximately what time the spill was brought to the attention of management and the sign placed? While the defendant (store) did take industry-standard precautions against the initial hazard of the spill, they failed to practice due diligence on follow-through for an additional known hazard.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Well, great.
That's just great.
And just how am I supposed to fluff my butt NOW? Answer me THAT, Mr. Big Shot Customs Know it All!

Oblios_Cap February 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I'm sure glad that I got my wife's Valentine's Day gift before they made that seizure. I'll have to try and remember to tell her not to use it in the shower.

thetimchannel February 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

"Those aren't hair dryers your honor. Those are forced air heaters for upscale dog houses, aka Mutt MiniMcMansions"
Enjoy.

tessiee February 15, 2012 at 9:51 pm

This is good news for Mitt.

thetimchannel February 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

I would have bet five to one somebody would jump in with that observation. I had to resist the temptation to reply to my own post after hitting the submit key yesterday.
Enjoy.

WiscDad February 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

They should have been marketed as hair 'fryers' and no one would have cared

Nostrildamus February 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I'm pretty sure the Nazis came first for the faulty hair dryers.

MadBrahms February 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

First they came for the lightbulbs, but I was not a lightbulb. Then they came for the hairdryers, but I was not a hair dryer…

Truly, we live under tyrrany.

Guppy February 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

How can I properly hate on China if the notice won't tell me where they were made?

Troglodeity February 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Fortunately, they weren't able to sell too many of them at the "manufacturer’s suggested retail price of $2,506,517."

MadBrahms February 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm

By the time it gets on FOX News, it will easily be 10 times that. Or possibly just "suggested retail price of Egypt", who knows.

DahBoner February 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm

MADE IN CHINA?

C_R_Eature February 15, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Of course the Government is confiscating them. They're obvious examples of advanced alien technology.

ttommyunger February 15, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Finally, an advantage to being bald. Guess I'm gonna live forever, sucka.

MilwaukeeKent February 15, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Somebody lost a bundle on these. You can out-source to China and save a bundle, but that trusted contractor over there is sub-contracting to who knows how many small shops, on lowest bids, so this is what you get. Lose control of your production chain and you might lose your product.
Speaking of weird warnings and lawyers, I've got a tape of a radio contest disclaimer that goes on for 2 minutes 19 seconds, all to a hip-hop soundtrack. "changes in national mood" is one highlight. The time-lag of online listening versus actually hearing it on a radio takes over a half-minute to explain. That's one lawyer with too much time, too few clients or both.

fuflans February 16, 2012 at 12:41 am

good to know we still have first world problems.

thetimchannel February 16, 2012 at 8:46 am

Somebody email me the link to the "Hitler" parody on this when it comes out please. The dialogue is already starting to form in my head.
Enjoy.

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