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Do you have “Microsoft Paint” on your iPhone? Then you can be a prize-winning published artist! (Maybe.) Wonkette and 9:30 Club/IMP Promotions invite you to take part in our exciting “Make an image of Bill Maher wrestling the Pope” ticket giveaway.

One lucky winner will get two (2) tickets to see teevee’s Bill Maher at the Music Center at Strathmore in North Bethesda (that’s in Maryland, so you need to be in the D.C. metropolitan area) on April 1 at 7 p.m.

How will you portray this epic battle between two show-biz gentlemen? Perhaps on a pirate ship? Maybe in a salt mine? With robot and/or dildo proxies? Winning entry will be judged by the editors of, and the fine print is on this Contest Rules page.

SEND YOUR ENTRY to tips AT with the words SEXY BILL MAHER POPE CONTEST in the subject line. Good luck, and may God have mercy on your souls. DEADLINE for entries is Tuesday, February 21, at 12:00 noon Eastern time. Please send your terrible image as an attachment; try to keep the file size reasonably small, like your chances of winning.

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