Scott Walker Is Too Sick To Meet With Obama!

Oh dude what is this? Wisconsin union-krushing Gov. Scott Walker cannot join Barack Obama today on his exciting journey through the Milwaukee Master Lock factory because he has the stomach flu. He has… the stomach flu. “Still recovering from a nasty case of the flu,” he wrote, today. Hmm.

He clearly does not have the flu. No one has the stomach flu. Those people who have the stomach flu and tell you they can’t go somewhere? Those people were making it up because they don’t like you. That time you had the stomach flu and told those people you couldn’t go with them somewhere? You were making it up. Yes, you were. No one has ever had to cancel anything because they had the stomach flu.

Okay maybe he is sick — we completely made up that last paragraph — but he’s probably been looking for an excuse to get out of this awkward sidecar-bitch situation:

Obama’s visit is intended to highlight an economic success story in a state that continues to lose private sector jobs. In his state of the Union address he touted Master Lock, a unionized company that has brought back 100 jobs from China.


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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Also, I think Barry was gentleman enough to let Jan wag her finger in his face, but I'm pretty sure he would have snapped Scottie's finger right off…at the shoulder.

  1. zappadoo76

    There is no such thing as stomach flu. It's always food poisoning. Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?

    1. tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?"

      Chris Christie?

      Of course, he'd eat up *all* the food, and Scott would starve to death, so… hmm, ya know what? That could work.

    2. tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?"

      If we're going for the naughty sex meaning of "taster", I suggest we have Rick Perry and Rick Santorum fight for the job. We could call it The Battle of Ricks for Pricks.

    3. tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job? "

      *waves hand eagerly*

      Ooh! Me! Me! Pick me! I want to tase him till he flops like a catfish!
      Oh, "tasTer".
      Never mind.

    1. JustPixelz

      "I hope Scotty…"

      … has health insurance?
      … gets a transvaginal probe to be sure he understands the flu?
      … has a full recovery during his upcoming retirement?

  2. jus_wonderin

    Dammit, I was going to use that excuse to play hookey on Friday. I have run out of dead relatives funerals to attend.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    Obama: "No problem, Scott! I'll just swing on by your house and leave you some of Michelle's tummy-calming chicken soup! I really want to have a photo op with you, and I don't get up to Wisconsin nearly as much as I'd like!!"

    Walker: "uhhhh, uhhhh…"

  4. Sparky MacGyver

    You'd think that smarmy bastard would want to meet with Obama, in order to pass on the stomach flu to the Kenyan usurper. That would improve his standing in the wingnut world.

  5. JustPixelz

    Stomach flu is very common.

    If I had a Cayman Islands bank account for every time one of my dates came down with the stomach flu at the last minute, I'd be against the Buffet Rule.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    "Srsly, Obi, I'm ill and my immune system is weakened and I just don't want to take a chance, on top of all my other problems, of catching a case of the blahs from you."

  7. Generation[redacted]

    Unions brought back 100 jobs from China? This is going to hurt the Koch bros' dividend returns. Why are they making the job creators suffer so?

  8. Poindexter718

    In the governor's defense, he did mention at dinner last night that he thought the suckling infant tasted a bit "off."

  9. Mumbletypeg

    No one with a pair of eyes that beady and saturnine can convince me they've come down with anything prohibiting him from meeting the President except the Moronic Plague.

  10. paris biltong

    My son uses the sick stomach excuse when he doesn't want to go to school. I did the same at his age (except more often) but neither of us is the governor or a State being visited by POTUS.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Coca-Cola was originally designed as a cough syrup, but during the first batch production, the creator accidentally added carbonated water to the mixture instead of distilled. Once Coke took off as a soft drink, he started spreading the (complete lie) that the carcinogenic can of chemicals was super duper healthy too because it was originally supposed to be medicine. Kind of like how Corn Flakes are healthy for you because they were originally designed to stop masturbation (dead serious).

      2. paris biltong

         <DIV>Did she make you snort it? Ha, ha. </DIV> <DIV>Flat coke is the gentiles' chicken soup.</DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">

        This is what happens when I answer by email. WTF? What I meant was:
        Did she make you snort it? Ha, ha.
        Flat coke is the gentiles' chicken soup.

  11. Chichikovovich

    Obama’s visit is intended to highlight an economic success story in a state that continues to lose private sector jobs. In his state of the Union address he touted Master Lock, a unionized company that has brought back 100 jobs from China.

    I have a hunch the issue isn't appearing with Obama as such. It's that Obama is going to places like this one, where the unionized workers will break out into loud boos and catcalls when Walker strides on stage, and then break into open hoots of derision every time Scotty-boy says anything, including the obligatory lamely delivered Bulls versus Packers reference.

    1. tessiee

      So, it's not just the blackitude, it's that Obama is completely and publicly shooting to hell Scotty's theory that unions destroy jobs?

      And you know how it is with these 99% people; if they hear that somebody else has a job, suddenly *they* want a job, too.

  12. Not_So_Much

    It's because he can't look Barry in the eye. Literally — his beady, little pig eyes are so close together that they only look at each other. What a fucking douchecanoe he is.

  13. DarwinianDemon

    Isn't this the guy whose campaign was "I drive a truck and I'm asking for your vote"? Let's hope MI doesn't fall for that with Romney

  14. SolitaireRose

    And I was so looking forward to him shouting at Obama, shaking a finger at him, and then claiming Obama was mean and stole his wallet. I mean, it worked in Arizona, right?

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    Aunt Rhea was having a bad day when she called Scotty. "Sorry, Barry, but Aunt Rhea needs me today. She was trying to explain it to me, but dire Rhea was all over the place"

  16. Tundra Grifter

    Good thing he's not the Governor of Virginia.

    They'd make him assume the taxpayer position and give him an ultrasound probe – just to be safe.

  17. MoeDeLawn

    Dear Gov. Walker,
    On Wednesday, President Obama will be in your state. You are required to stay at home. Make up some excuse like you're ill or something. The President does not wish to be seen near you nor does he wish to see you. We will post agents outside your residence to ensure that you stay indoors.
    Your pals, The Secret Service

  18. MadBrahms

    On the off chance he's not faking, maybe we should give him some credit for not wanting to vom on the president. If it was Jan Brewer, you know she'd still go (though everything she says is word vomit anyway).

  19. Terry

    If the President, any President, was coming to the State over which I was governor, I would chug a bottle of Pepto, take a few Tylenol, then put on a smile and go shake the President's hand.

  20. ingloriousbytch

    I've always thought Walker was a sick fuck. This just proves it.

    Get well soon Scott, and by that I mean, go DIAF.

  21. outragedcitizen

    Ah, hell, I used that same bullshit my-stomach-hurts excuse to get out of going to school, but I was ten years old. Grow up, Walker. If you don't want to talk to the president, then just tell him the truth. Black people scare you.

  22. hagajim

    I'm assuming li'l Scotty's tummy hurts from swallowing too much Koch jizz. Although if he was healthy and I was Barry I'd tell him to stay the fuck away from me and mine.

  23. gurukalehuru

    A bold and brilliant move on the part of Barry – veritable 11th dimensional chess, as the meme goes – visiting states like Arizona and Wisconsin, where the governors have made ridiculously horrible comments about him.
    If they don't actually spit on his shoes, they will look weak in front of their base. If they do anything other than smile for the cameras and shake hands, they will look like totally outclassed buffoons to everybody else.

  24. Jerri

    Look who had a quick and speedy recovery! The current above-the-fold image on JSonline shows our favorite cross-eyed, shinola-polished-hair-having weasel presenting our president with a Brewers jersey.

    Here is the link because I suck at fancy internet linking:

    (Sorry if it was already covered or if he was always planning to do this but not some other meeting. I can only pop in to Wonkette here and there instead of reading thoroughly thanks to being gainfully employed.)

  25. owhatever

    The coward passed up a chance to poke his finger in the President's face, like that Arizona nutcase governor? Of course, the Big O might decide enough's enough of that shit, and break it off.

  26. starfanglednut

    Should I even bother to state the obvious fact that if this were a white president, Scotty would get his ass down to that factory pronto? In the new GOP, it's considered good politics to disrespect the president.

    1. tessiee

      People type "lol" all the time, but this actually did make me laugh out loud.
      It's even funnier if you flap your arms while you're saying it.

    1. GOPCrusher

      No, but there is when he runs for President in 2016 and he reminds primary voters that he was man enough to refuse to see the President when he came to Wisconsin in 2012.

  27. Steverino247

    And now, the President of the United States…

    I'd like to thank all of you for coming out to the plant today. Governor Walker couldn't be here due to stomach flu and I…


    No, really. Stomach flu, and I hope he's feeling better soon.

    <Laughter continues>

    Is there something I'm missing here?

  28. DahBoner

    What a coincidence!

    I heard this Stomach flu virus came down with a nasty case of Scott Walker parasite

  29. glamourdammerung

    I could understand not trying to give people the flu, especially the President, even though I suspect Walker is just being dishonest again. However, there is a Lieutenant Governor and it would not be that hard to send them and a simple apology for being too ill to attend.

  30. __kth__

    Of course Obama wouldn't show him up in any way. It would just be a cordial photo op, but that's exactly the thing that would ruin Walker with the wingnuts.

  31. Negropolis

    Scott Walker Is Too Sick To Meet With Obama!

    This is good news for the president, and for my blood pressure, also. I could not tolerate seeing the two, together, shooting fake-as-shit, obligatory photos for the media. Walker is terrible. Walker, Rick Scott and Kasich have to be the three most personally repugnant governors in the entire country. And, that's quite a task when your competition includes Chris Christie, Bobby Jindal, Mitch Daniels, Nikki Haley, etc…

    BTW, we sure that this "stomach flu" isn't…isn't…tapeworms? Hengh?

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