Oh dude what is this? Wisconsin union-krushing Gov. Scott Walker cannot join Barack Obama today on his exciting journey through the Milwaukee Master Lock factory because he has the stomach flu. He has… the stomach flu. “Still recovering from a nasty case of the flu,” he wrote, today. Hmm.

He clearly does not have the flu. No one has the stomach flu. Those people who have the stomach flu and tell you they can’t go somewhere? Those people were making it up because they don’t like you. That time you had the stomach flu and told those people you couldn’t go with them somewhere? You were making it up. Yes, you were. No one has ever had to cancel anything because they had the stomach flu.

Okay maybe he is sick — we completely made up that last paragraph — but he’s probably been looking for an excuse to get out of this awkward sidecar-bitch situation:

Obama’s visit is intended to highlight an economic success story in a state that continues to lose private sector jobs. In his state of the Union address he touted Master Lock, a unionized company that has brought back 100 jobs from China.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Walker must have heard about the finger incident at the White House

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Also, I think Barry was gentleman enough to let Jan wag her finger in his face, but I'm pretty sure he would have snapped Scottie's finger right off…at the shoulder.

      • DaRooster

        I would pay to see this!

    • The invitation sent to Walker was wrapping a fish.

      • tessiee

        I thought Rahm Emanuel didn't work there any more.

  • zappadoo76

    There is no such thing as stomach flu. It's always food poisoning. Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?

    • I blame Walker. No one told him to buy that bottle of Santorum's Steak Sauce.

      • Barb

        A-2 Sauce?

        • So THAT'S what Caesar was saying to Brutus!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          A-Nus Sauce. Oops, should have left that comment on the previous thread.

          • That's a one size fits all comment, good for any thread.

    • A union food taster. Those free-lancers don't have the same pride in their work.

    • Hitler!

      What? Oh, sorry… wrong meme.

    • tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?"

      Chris Christie?

      Of course, he'd eat up *all* the food, and Scott would starve to death, so… hmm, ya know what? That could work.

    • tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job?"

      If we're going for the naughty sex meaning of "taster", I suggest we have Rick Perry and Rick Santorum fight for the job. We could call it The Battle of Ricks for Pricks.

    • tessiee

      "Scott should get himself a taster. Who could we nominate for that job? "

      *waves hand eagerly*

      Ooh! Me! Me! Pick me! I want to tase him till he flops like a catfish!
      Oh, "tasTer".
      Never mind.

  • memzilla

    I hope Scotty boy gets the finest healthcare that unionized doctors and nurses can provide him.

    • "I hope Scotty…"

      … has health insurance?
      … gets a transvaginal probe to be sure he understands the flu?
      … has a full recovery during his upcoming retirement?

  • Barb

    Maybe he is sick from a recalled chicken. You are what you eat.

  • prommie

    I think he might be afraid of the black man, this is the political equivalent of crossing the street.

    • Biff

      I'm picturing this.

      • James Michael Curley

        I'm not touching that link!

        • Biff

          Perfectly harmless.

  • jus_wonderin

    Dammit, I was going to use that excuse to play hookey on Friday. I have run out of dead relatives funerals to attend.

  • prommie

    He's defecating in terror!

    • Fare la Volpe

      He totally mitt all over himself.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obama: "No problem, Scott! I'll just swing on by your house and leave you some of Michelle's tummy-calming chicken soup! I really want to have a photo op with you, and I don't get up to Wisconsin nearly as much as I'd like!!"

    Walker: "uhhhh, uhhhh…"

  • Sparky MacGyver

    You'd think that smarmy bastard would want to meet with Obama, in order to pass on the stomach flu to the Kenyan usurper. That would improve his standing in the wingnut world.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sounds like Governor Walker got a bad case of scabbies.

    • DaRooster

      Sounds like Governor Walker got is a bad case of scabbies.


  • Stomach flu is very common.

    If I had a Cayman Islands bank account for every time one of my dates came down with the stomach flu at the last minute, I'd be against the Buffet Rule.

  • New union jobs in state where you are trying to destroy unions? I would be sick to my stomach too. Pussy.

  • MissTaken

    Chicken Soup For The Soon To Be Recalled Governor's Soul

  • DaRooster

    Chicken Shit Pussy Mother Fucker!!

    (Oh… and Douche)

    • gullywompr

      A million upfists to you.

    • ThundercatHo

      You forgot "cross-eyed Kochsucker".

  • edgydrifter

    My coward has a first name,
    it's "S-C-O-T-T"…

  • ttommyunger

    "Scott Walker Is Sick…..". FIXED!

  • SorosBot

    He probably caught a virus from Koch sucking.

    • coolhandnuke

      Of all the Kochimanie excuses…

    • YasserArraFeck

      Venereal Flu – it'll fuch you up

  • Walker musta caught the maquiladora flu from some Messican.

    • horsedreamer_1

      He is an invalid.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Srsly, Obi, I'm ill and my immune system is weakened and I just don't want to take a chance, on top of all my other problems, of catching a case of the blahs from you."

  • Generation[redacted]

    Unions brought back 100 jobs from China? This is going to hurt the Koch bros' dividend returns. Why are they making the job creators suffer so?

  • Poindexter718

    In the governor's defense, he did mention at dinner last night that he thought the suckling infant tasted a bit "off."

  • Schmannnity

    Apparently never heard the old adage, Eat shit and die Walker.

  • Scott Walker should just borrow one of Vitter's diapers and get the hell back to work.

  • Brought back 100 union jobs to America from China??? Sounds like somebody didn't get the message.

    • MadBrahms

      Did they get to keep their yellow shirts?

    • DaRooster

      Why does Master Lock hate America?!?

  • Hera Sent Me

    His stomach got filled with the bile he had to swallow at the way Obama cornered him.

  • CapnFatback

    No kidding. He's too sick to hold public office too, but that didn't stop him.

  • No one with a pair of eyes that beady and saturnine can convince me they've come down with anything prohibiting him from meeting the President except the Moronic Plague.

  • paris biltong

    My son uses the sick stomach excuse when he doesn't want to go to school. I did the same at his age (except more often) but neither of us is the governor or a State being visited by POTUS.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My mom's cure for that was… flat Coke. Where the hell did that come from?

      • ThundercatHo

        Coca-cola syrup over ice chips was my mom's cure all. Remember Paregoric?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Coca-Cola was originally designed as a cough syrup, but during the first batch production, the creator accidentally added carbonated water to the mixture instead of distilled. Once Coke took off as a soft drink, he started spreading the (complete lie) that the carcinogenic can of chemicals was super duper healthy too because it was originally supposed to be medicine. Kind of like how Corn Flakes are healthy for you because they were originally designed to stop masturbation (dead serious).

        • GOPCrusher

          Corn Flakes stops masturbation?
          That's bullshit. Or so I've heard.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Dr. Kellogg's bowel is immaculate. Cannot speak to his prostate.

      • MadBrahms

        Saltine crackers and 7-up here. Walker already has enough whiteness in his life, though.

      • paris biltong

         <DIV>Did she make you snort it? Ha, ha. </DIV> <DIV>Flat coke is the gentiles' chicken soup.</DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">

        This is what happens when I answer by email. WTF? What I meant was:
        Did she make you snort it? Ha, ha.
        Flat coke is the gentiles' chicken soup.

  • memzilla

    Dear President Obama:

    Please excuse my son Scott today. He has a tummy ache.

    His Mother

    • Tundra Grifter


      He's probably forge the note and sign it "My Mother."

    • *sniff*

      I miss Juan Epstein….

      • Biff

        And his Mother.

    • MadBrahms

      Pff, he has the Koch Brothers write those.

  • Chichikovovich

    Obama’s visit is intended to highlight an economic success story in a state that continues to lose private sector jobs. In his state of the Union address he touted Master Lock, a unionized company that has brought back 100 jobs from China.

    I have a hunch the issue isn't appearing with Obama as such. It's that Obama is going to places like this one, where the unionized workers will break out into loud boos and catcalls when Walker strides on stage, and then break into open hoots of derision every time Scotty-boy says anything, including the obligatory lamely delivered Bulls versus Packers reference.

    • memzilla

      Good point. The Photo Oppus Malus virus is very debilitating.

    • tessiee

      So, it's not just the blackitude, it's that Obama is completely and publicly shooting to hell Scotty's theory that unions destroy jobs?

      And you know how it is with these 99% people; if they hear that somebody else has a job, suddenly *they* want a job, too.

  • Not_So_Much

    It's because he can't look Barry in the eye. Literally — his beady, little pig eyes are so close together that they only look at each other. What a fucking douchecanoe he is.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe Oba-dysseus can slay the cyclops!!

  • Pragmatist2

    He's got Jungle Fever.

  • chicken_thief

    Now we know who provided the ammo for the Santorum ad…

  • DarwinianDemon

    Isn't this the guy whose campaign was "I drive a truck and I'm asking for your vote"? Let's hope MI doesn't fall for that with Romney

    • ThundercatHo

      That was douche GOP senator and centerfold Scott Brown from Massachusetts.

      • tessiee

        Maybe all the assmarmots named Scott are in a secret club?

  • That's what Walker deserves for swallowing Koch brothers turds 24-7.

  • SolitaireRose

    And I was so looking forward to him shouting at Obama, shaking a finger at him, and then claiming Obama was mean and stole his wallet. I mean, it worked in Arizona, right?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Aunt Rhea was having a bad day when she called Scotty. "Sorry, Barry, but Aunt Rhea needs me today. She was trying to explain it to me, but dire Rhea was all over the place"

    • jus_wonderin

      Is Aunt Rhea married to Uncle Shart?

    • Ba dump ump.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Good thing he's not the Governor of Virginia.

    They'd make him assume the taxpayer position and give him an ultrasound probe – just to be safe.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Today, Scott's ass is open for business.

  • ThundercatHo

    Is it as nice as the one at the strip club?

  • MoeDeLawn

    Dear Gov. Walker,
    On Wednesday, President Obama will be in your state. You are required to stay at home. Make up some excuse like you're ill or something. The President does not wish to be seen near you nor does he wish to see you. We will post agents outside your residence to ensure that you stay indoors.
    Your pals, The Secret Service

  • MadBrahms

    On the off chance he's not faking, maybe we should give him some credit for not wanting to vom on the president. If it was Jan Brewer, you know she'd still go (though everything she says is word vomit anyway).

    • He's a governor. He can get prescriptions that will prop him up even if he's dead.

      • MadBrahms


      • tessiee

        Big deal, so can Keith Richards.

        • GOPCrusher

          Been working fine since 1977.

    • Guppy

      It's not like Barry is the Japanese Prime Minister or anything…

  • Oblios_Cap

    That cross-eyed bastard got food poisoning from fondling too much koch-sucking money.

  • Terry

    If the President, any President, was coming to the State over which I was governor, I would chug a bottle of Pepto, take a few Tylenol, then put on a smile and go shake the President's hand.

  • Radiotherapy

    He should get checked out for hookworms.

  • ingloriousbytch

    I've always thought Walker was a sick fuck. This just proves it.

    Get well soon Scott, and by that I mean, go DIAF.

  • Subtle, that Scott Walker.

  • MadBrahms

    "Well, I hope you enjoy your publicly-paid-for healthcare. Watch out for union nurses."

  • rickmaci

    Most likely a very severe case of Recall Virus.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    " . . . not tonight, dear. I have the stomach flu."

  • meatlofer

    Even Jeffery Dahmer wouldn't eat that motherfucker.

    • Fare la Volpe

      In Dahmer's defense, he preferred his meat dark and/or Asian-inspired.

      • tessiee

        He enjoyed fusion cannibal cuisine *before* it got all trendy.

  • Ah, hell, I used that same bullshit my-stomach-hurts excuse to get out of going to school, but I was ten years old. Grow up, Walker. If you don't want to talk to the president, then just tell him the truth. Black people scare you.

  • chicken_thief

    Obama should take Scott some chicken soup just to fuck him.

  • chascates

    Walker has always suffered from brain diarrhea.

  • hagajim

    I'm assuming li'l Scotty's tummy hurts from swallowing too much Koch jizz. Although if he was healthy and I was Barry I'd tell him to stay the fuck away from me and mine.

  • ElPinche

    What a fucking pussy.

    • WiscDad

      …and there ya have it :)

  • WiscDad

    Yeah right…That fuckstick is rarely ever seen in public anyway. What a piece of shit.

    • Seems like the only time anyone sees him is outta state, dancing for billionaire dollars.

  • A bold and brilliant move on the part of Barry – veritable 11th dimensional chess, as the meme goes – visiting states like Arizona and Wisconsin, where the governors have made ridiculously horrible comments about him.
    If they don't actually spit on his shoes, they will look weak in front of their base. If they do anything other than smile for the cameras and shake hands, they will look like totally outclassed buffoons to everybody else.

  • What an asshole. I'd be honored to meet Obama. Take some fucking kaopectate and get over it , you fucking moron.

  • Jerri

    Look who had a quick and speedy recovery! The current above-the-fold image on JSonline shows our favorite cross-eyed, shinola-polished-hair-having weasel presenting our president with a Brewers jersey.

    Here is the link because I suck at fancy internet linking:*289/OBAMA+AR

    (Sorry if it was already covered or if he was always planning to do this but not some other meeting. I can only pop in to Wonkette here and there instead of reading thoroughly thanks to being gainfully employed.)

  • owhatever

    The coward passed up a chance to poke his finger in the President's face, like that Arizona nutcase governor? Of course, the Big O might decide enough's enough of that shit, and break it off.

  • DaSandman

    Still sore from servicing all that Koch, Scotto?

  • Should I even bother to state the obvious fact that if this were a white president, Scotty would get his ass down to that factory pronto? In the new GOP, it's considered good politics to disrespect the president.

  • Buck. Buck. Buckaw!!

    • tessiee

      People type "lol" all the time, but this actually did make me laugh out loud.
      It's even funnier if you flap your arms while you're saying it.

      • Even in this era of "sophisticated humor", you can't beat chickens! Choke 'em, maybe.

  • Is he crazy? There is no fundraising photo op in being chickenshit!

    • GOPCrusher

      No, but there is when he runs for President in 2016 and he reminds primary voters that he was man enough to refuse to see the President when he came to Wisconsin in 2012.

  • Steverino247

    And now, the President of the United States…

    I'd like to thank all of you for coming out to the plant today. Governor Walker couldn't be here due to stomach flu and I…


    No, really. Stomach flu, and I hope he's feeling better soon.

    <Laughter continues>

    Is there something I'm missing here?

  • mavenmaven

    apparently scott walker doesn't have a book to sell.

  • DahBoner

    What a coincidence!

    I heard this Stomach flu virus came down with a nasty case of Scott Walker parasite

  • Wonderthing

    I would comment, but…yeah, I have the belly fu.

  • Troglodeity

    "You lie!"

  • hilbillyheroine

    If I were being sodomized by the Koch's, I'd be sick, too!

  • I could understand not trying to give people the flu, especially the President, even though I suspect Walker is just being dishonest again. However, there is a Lieutenant Governor and it would not be that hard to send them and a simple apology for being too ill to attend.

  • Too bad AZ's Leather Witch couldn't have had the "wrinkle flu" or something. Instead she had Mad Book-Whoring-Cow disease.

  • PuglyDoRight

    I hope that douchebag had a severe case of the shits, the kind that makes your ass burn.

  • __kth__

    Of course Obama wouldn't show him up in any way. It would just be a cordial photo op, but that's exactly the thing that would ruin Walker with the wingnuts.

  • Negropolis

    Scott Walker Is Too Sick To Meet With Obama!

    This is good news for the president, and for my blood pressure, also. I could not tolerate seeing the two, together, shooting fake-as-shit, obligatory photos for the media. Walker is terrible. Walker, Rick Scott and Kasich have to be the three most personally repugnant governors in the entire country. And, that's quite a task when your competition includes Chris Christie, Bobby Jindal, Mitch Daniels, Nikki Haley, etc…

    BTW, we sure that this "stomach flu" isn't…isn't…tapeworms? Hengh?

Previous articleSantorum Makes Ad Showing Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him
Next articleFor Old Time’s Sake, Here’s Rick Santorum’s 2006 Gay Wrestling Ad