Oh dude what is this? Wisconsin union-krushing Gov. Scott Walker cannot join Barack Obama today on his exciting journey through the Milwaukee Master Lock factory because he has the stomach flu. He has… the stomach flu. “Still recovering from a nasty case of the flu,” he wrote, today. Hmm.

He clearly does not have the flu. No one has the stomach flu. Those people who have the stomach flu and tell you they can’t go somewhere? Those people were making it up because they don’t like you. That time you had the stomach flu and told those people you couldn’t go with them somewhere? You were making it up. Yes, you were. No one has ever had to cancel anything because they had the stomach flu.

Okay maybe he is sick — we completely made up that last paragraph — but he’s probably been looking for an excuse to get out of this awkward sidecar-bitch situation:

Obama’s visit is intended to highlight an economic success story in a state that continues to lose private sector jobs. In his state of the Union address he touted Master Lock, a unionized company that has brought back 100 jobs from China.


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