A SPLASH OF SANTORUM  11:32 am February 15, 2012

Santorum Makes Ad Showing Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him

by Wonkette Jr.

Oh for god's sake, Santorum actually PAID for this campaign ad?So what did Rick Santorum’s campaign come up with, for the new ad complaining about Mitt Romney? Oh, just a life-sized cardboard cutout of a dumbly smiling Santorum repeatedly splashed with a brown, frothy liquid. No, really.

Rick Santorum PAID FOR THIS AD, and he “approved this message,” as you can hear Rick lisp at the beginning of the commercial. Yeah yeah, there’s some buff tough guy “rough trade” businessman with a machine gun, too. Rick likes this kind of thing, angry man-on-man sex violence in a parking garage. [YouTube]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 174 comments }

chascates February 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

Art imitates life.

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

More like "irritates" but your point is taken

north_of_moscow February 15, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Or is it form following function?

YasserArraFeck February 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm

that would be bodily function?

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 2:53 pm

There's no art in this, though PLENTY of haha.

OC_Surf_Serf February 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

Once again Rick, Irony is not just a river in Egypt…

Biel_ze_Bubba February 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

Froth Wars – The Empire Flings Back

Bonghits4Jesus February 15, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Santorum is in De Nile, a great river of goo is sweeping him to the bottom.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Hey! You stole my line!

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

It *could* be — the Nile is awfully polluted with all that hippo shit and crocodile shit and people shit, yaknow.

ChernobylSoup February 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

Green Balloons please.

nounverb911 February 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

Santorum is giving Mittbot an endless supply of ammo.

Lucidamente1 February 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

Why is "Carmen" on the soundtrack? Isn't opera kind of gay??

chascates February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

Not if they had used Wagner instead.

Chichikovovich February 15, 2012 at 11:57 am

True, Rick does kind of put me in mind of Erik in The Flying Dutchman. The cluelessness is there, the whiny loserhood is there, the "a woman has to be even more batshit insane than Senta to want him" is there.

Just Rick is a million times more of a douchebag.

chascates February 15, 2012 at 12:32 pm

This may be the year of The Ring for the GOP. I can see Fox News as the Valkyries, Ronald Reagan as Wotan, and the candidates as the Wälsungs, all in search of the Ring (nomination).

Wonketters unfamiliar with the work should check out Anna Russell's wonderful analysis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69aPAo1rXE

Chichikovovich February 15, 2012 at 12:37 pm

And Ron Paul as the hate-filled dwarf obsessed with gold.—

Geminisunmars February 15, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Calista & Newt as Tristan & Isolde?

Chichikovovich February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

But that choice of sound snippet does invite the question of thematic coherence. Why didn't they have a company of prancing toreadors in the background? It clearly would have improved the ad immensely. Also perhaps the last of the Santorum targets could be wearing a matador's hat and pants.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Zombie Bizet would totally sue Rick's ass, if his copyright hadn't expired.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm

It's times like these that you wish zombie legends were fer realz. I could be so pleased to contemplate Zombie Bizet chewing off Rick Santorum's face.

HogeyeGrex February 15, 2012 at 3:08 pm

It does seem more of a "Carmina Burana" sort of spot.

Or "Yakety Sax". Anything Santorum should have "Yakety Sax" played over the top.

La_Cieca February 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm
iburl February 15, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I'm sorry, was there something in that ad that wasn't gay?

littlebigdaddy February 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

That's not going to help his Google problem.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

Did his campaign hire the Onion to do their ads?

Callyson February 15, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Also their speeches.

Barb February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

Dan Savage approves this message!

CapnFatback February 15, 2012 at 12:25 pm

OT, but I'm proud to be intimately involved with someone who arranged to have Mr. Savage speak on his It Gets Better Project to the teachers of Ohio today.

emmelemm February 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Awesome!

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Bill? Is that you?

SayItWithWookies February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

Oh, I can't wait for the milk-mustache billboards.

Sparky MacGyver February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

Uhh… That's not milk…

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

And it's not Rick Santorum – it's Rick Perry.

Generation[redacted] February 15, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Milk Perry? Gross.

MosesInvests February 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Paging Sr. Sanchez…..

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:19 pm

He's kinda too dirty to come to the phone right now.

edgydrifter February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

Way to embrace your legacy, Rick.

James Michael Curley February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

We WERE going to have lunch today.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Think of it THIS way: you're a better person for it. I am now going to exercise till I can't stand up in the hope of exorcizing that hideous vision.

OC_Surf_Serf February 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

Red Ryder Santorum Shooter SHT5000™

hagajim February 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

I think Rick must be running full throttle with the Santorum thing because he knows he can't avoid it – so why not embrace it. Nah – he's too fucking stupid for that.

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

It allows Rick to play the "Wah those gay liberals are so mean to me." Yeah, because turning his name into a sexual joke is so much worse than working to deny basic rights to people based solely on their sexual orientation; including supporting the "right" of states to arrest people simply for fucking in unapproved ways, and comparing sex between consenting adults to bestiality and pedophilia.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Wait till all you breeders finally figure out that "sodomy" refers to cunnilingus and fellatio and anal play, NOT gender of persons practising same. It'll be too late by then, because all us queer folk will have been killed for doing that stuff, and then the Santorums of this world will come for YOU.

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Oh I know – Leonard v Texas was a victory for straights' rights too, not just gay people. The rights to blowjobs and pussy-licking are now constitutionally protected regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I figured you would, you smartypants little Bot, you.

(Hugs the Bot) I am SO happy for you, it's ridiculous. Now stop poking me, or I'll poke back. (Just kidding, I'm not THAT fucking sensitive, geez)

prommie February 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

Romney is smearing Santorum. Ewwwweewwweeewwwww.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

Where does one buy a shitball gun?

Wilcoxyz February 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

Homo Depot

Radiotherapy February 15, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The Abortionplex?
CPAC?

Guppy February 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

It involves finding someone with stomach flu.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Funny, I made sort of the reverse of that joke on the Scott is too sick to host Barry post. Brilliant minds?!….

memzilla February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

Say, you know who else

Wow, this ad is Godwin-proof.

gullywompr February 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

Even Hitler had more class.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 12:01 pm

In that case, I'll go with – the Tundra Grifter?

Callyson February 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Dick Cheney?

Geminisunmars February 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Canals of Venice?

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2012 at 8:36 pm

GG Allin & the Murder Junkies?

C_R_Eature February 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm
SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

The frothy mix really does love playing the victim; he's got a serious martyr complex.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:25 pm

You grew up in the Catholic church. You KNOW that's the subtext of every fucking Church teaching.

Hell, remember how you have to beat your breast with the clenched fist and cry "Mea culpa!" ? Is that Easter mass? I forget. Lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world …

Sick, forcing children to repeat that shit when they don't have a clue what it means.

DaRooster February 15, 2012 at 11:40 am

So guns scare the Santorum outta Rick?

Maman February 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

No, I think they make him hot and bothered.

gullywompr February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

I just defecated in terror.

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Like a dog on the car roof?

insidebeltway February 15, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You Romneyed.

LetUsBray February 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I once defecated in Oklahoma. I'm guessing it was kind of like that.

Biff February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

Death of a meme.

poorgradstudent February 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Or its rebirth?

ManchuCandidate February 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

"If Life gives you Santorum you should make Santorum (Dan Savage definition)"

Joshua Norton February 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

Rick Santorum thinks he's as great as Tim Tebow.

Mainly because he also never puts a convincing spin on what he delivers and God wants him to win.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Rick is working on a distinctive Tebow-like pose, but bottoms everywhere have already taken his most recognizable position.

jus_wonderin February 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

Wow. Once again, I have no words.

738838 February 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

How did they ever get Mitt to appear in this ad? This just proves how smart and wiley those Santorum people are. Watch out, soon they will have Newell in a pro-life attack ad on Barry!

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

That was Mitt?

I thought it was Nixon!

Dashboard Buddha February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

Nixon had more class and charisma.

el_donaldo February 15, 2012 at 11:42 am
Poindexter718 February 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

The National Rectal Association will love that ad.

weej_bain February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

And you'll be able to shoot santorum at Santorum from your own splurge gun on Atari X-Box in 3, 2, 1.

BaldarTFlagass February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

Does Santorum even know what santorum is?

LetUsBray February 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

He periodically whines that Google is mean to him. So he knows it's something bad, at any rate.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

Santorum has finally found his comfort spot. Must be using enough lube.

MissTaken February 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

The complete lack of self-awareness is strong with this one.

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 11:51 am

I have to disagree. I think this is a really clever way of tying the Google problem to Romney, to show that it's a political ploy.

I know, it's much older than the campaign, but we're talking about Republicans. Worse, redneck Republicans who can't even remember who won the Super Bowl last week.

I think it's genius

gullywompr February 15, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Redneck Republicans don't use The Internets, much less The Google. Unless Fox explains to them what Santorum is, they'll never know.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Exactly.

GOPCrusher February 15, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Rick can point to it and say it's further proof of the Liberal Smear Campaign against him.

Veritas78 February 15, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I hope the Patriots did! Because that Brady boy did alright for himself, coming from a mixed marriage with that quirky housekeeper and so many gay siblings, yet he ended up with that Brazilian ex-Nazi who works at Hooters! It's an American dream cum true with extra splooge.

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 11:55 am

Rick has fallen to the dork side of the force.

MissTaken February 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

He's not even cool enough for the Schwartz.

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 12:21 pm

You know the scene where Dark Helmet says ""I See Your Schwartz Is as Big as Mine"? Yeah that's not happening with Ricky; with his issues with sex I think his is like two inches, tops.

Guppy February 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

It's not just himself he's unaware of.

Native_of_SL_UT February 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

Shit happens.

Maman February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

Mitt has a huge problem if he is hitting himself with Santorum.

WhatTheHeck February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

It all comes back to guns and whose is bigger. And whose can ejaculate more rounds per minute.

Chillwillard February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

Rick to Mittens: "Santorum cannot be easily wiped off!"

DaRooster February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

I have to poo.

ThundercatHo February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

Don't send your cardboard cutout, pussy. Take it like a man.

Kgprophet February 15, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Such wisdom with the creators of this commercial! Santorum is depicted as a cardboard cutout with sh*t flying all around him. Great imagery there guys.

SoBeach February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

Imagine juevos on the guy/gal who proposed using light brown, chunky goo and a greasy "splortch" sound for a Santorum commercial. I'm sure whoever it was thought everyone would get the joke, chuckle, and move on. But they didn't, and my new anonymous advertising hero took it all the way.

Nicely done.

prommie February 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

Those who work in the Campaign Industry, doing polls, ads, direct-mail, they are the most rapacious, cynical frauds on earth, they do third-rate work for exorbitant prices, but their customers are mostly imbeciles, so they laugh all the way to the bank.

NellCote71 February 15, 2012 at 2:49 pm

cf: entire Rick Perry campaign but in particular, Brokeback ad.

actor212 February 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

Embrace the santorum, Rick.

Now, close your mouth and swallow.

ElPinche February 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

good god..I know I'm supposed to laugh at this uber irony, but I'm horrified that this clueless jesustard could be the nominee.

Isyaignert February 18, 2012 at 1:41 am

Horrified? I'm hopeful. It's the perfect blah vs wha fight. Welcome to 2012 people.

HistGuy February 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

He said "backfire." Heh heh.

Poindexter718 February 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

"That isn't mud, my friend."

widestanceshakedown February 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

. . . ?

Dashboard Buddha February 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

Words fail. Either there's a guerrilla adman out there, or Santorum and his people are truly too clueless to live.

meatlofer February 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

That's ''VICTORY SHIT" !

Biff February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

We all knew it was over when the media embraced it, what with all the surging and rising and coming from behind and everything.

Wilcoxyz February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

Not that a Santorum spot might backfire, but is this giving the Rominator cred on gun issues?

Also, is that an empty factory? Or a parking garage? Kind of sloppy on the missed opportunities.

kissawookiee February 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

I can't wait for his next ad, in which the Romney character performs a puppet show using a pickled fetus.

chicken_thief February 15, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Will female pickled fetuses be required to undergo a mandatory transvaginal probe prior to getting their SAG card? Or just in Virginia?

kissawookiee February 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm

No, they will only be transvaginaled if they TRY to get a union card. How else will the socialist sluts learn that choices have consequences?

Radiotherapy February 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Brilliant, Rmoney at a fetus barbecue.

spends2much February 15, 2012 at 11:57 am

Wow, I nearly Romneyed when I saw all that Santorum.

IncenseDebate February 15, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Taint ball might just catch on?

johnnyzhivago February 15, 2012 at 12:00 pm

When your research team dredges rushlimbaugh.com for references, you know winning the race to the bottom.

occams8ball February 15, 2012 at 12:00 pm

ha ha just like monkey island at the zoo!

paris biltong February 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It does make Romney look like a homicidal maniac but it also makes Santorum look like an idiot for just standing there.

Blueb4sunrise February 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

This is a 'must see'.

ttommyunger February 15, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I'm guessing both are disappointed at all the misses, considering Rick was wearing his best shit-eating grin.

Tundra Grifter February 15, 2012 at 12:05 pm

When you have lemons, make lemonade.

When you have poop, make a pooper shooter.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Now that's what I call scatter-shot.

SheriffRoscoe February 15, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I especially enjoyed the realistic fashion in which the santorum "splatters" when fired from the water cannon.

BaldarTFlagass February 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm

In the navy, that was called a "stern shot."

BaldarTFlagass February 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm

How much did that ad cost? Because that was quite a money shot.

SheriffRoscoe February 15, 2012 at 12:14 pm

So I think we can safely add mud to the list (along with brown finger paint) of items Rick Santorum should avoid embracing in his campaign ads.

jus_wonderin February 15, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Most types of pudding…too.

CapnFatback February 15, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I question the director's decision to include gun violence in this gay porno.

BigDumbRedDog February 15, 2012 at 12:18 pm

So some gay guy at an ad agency is trying to sabotage santorum's campaign and him and everyone around him is too stupid to realize it. Sounds about right.

starfanglednut February 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Has to be.

BigDumbRedDog February 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Probably the same guy convinced him sweater vests were cool.

Limeylizzie February 15, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I hope so, that would be amazing.

James Michael Curley February 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm

to paraphrase Monty Python; "E can't be President. E's got shit all over 'im.."

Radiotherapy February 15, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Un-fucking-believable.

rickmaci February 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm

OK. I am nearly speechless. The background cartoon music, the splurge gun, the idiot looking photo cut out, the factory stalker: I take this as proof that Santorum has jumped the proverbial shark.

FlownOver February 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Intending to commit unwanted genital opening penetration of said shark, I'm guessing.

Sharkey February 15, 2012 at 2:38 pm

It really hurts when he does that.

slowhansolo February 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm

You definitely want to get ahead of santorum, meme or otherwise.

outragedcitizen February 15, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Shit! Cum on…

teebob2000 February 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Ah, yes, the deadly and messy Romney Repeater.

Guppy February 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The real Mittbot doesn't show anywhere near that much emotion.

HuddledMass February 15, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Exactly. This fake Mitt is a bit of a klutz, but otherwise way too dynamic, reactive, emotional – it's as if he had *feelings* for god's sake.

starfanglednut February 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm

When Santorum splatters all over the walls, teh buttsecks is HAWT,

fredbell February 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Look…Let's give credit where credit is due….This is the funniest fucking ad I have ever seen….

starfanglednut February 15, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Rickita doth protest too much. He loves getting "mud" splattered on him by Romney's "gun".

gurukalehuru February 15, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Hey, Mitt just wanted to shoot the shit for a while, man to man. What's wrong with that.

owhatever February 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Cool. Mitt fights terrorists on top of trains, too. That's who I want for prezdent.

valgal2342 February 15, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Now that was funny! Stewart's people doing a little moonlighting for RS ads?

sezme February 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I just threw up a little, in my pants.

FannyBurney February 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Is this a trailer from the movie "The Perfect Shitstorm"?

sezme February 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Fake Killer Romney/Cardboard Santorum 2012!
(Has to be an improvement on the real ones.)

mavenmaven February 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

This video can be entitled "inside the republican mind".

PuckStopsHere February 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Needs moar Demon Sheep.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Now, you KNOW, my Wonketteers, that, coming in late as I do I usually rush to the latest post to look around. But HOW could I possibly avoid THIS?

Dear god this ad is awful. Someone needs to tell Rick what "Santorum" means.

Chet Kincaid February 15, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It doesn't get any better than this.

Chet Kincaid February 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Perhaps a "Dick Immodium" character should show up at Santorum events to counter his lies. That would be fun!

lulzmonger February 15, 2012 at 3:15 pm

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: EPIC IRONY*

Also, trolling fail: Romney's Super-PAC notwithstanding, it's already on the record that Santorum's a Lifetime Achievement winner in the Porkbarrel-Whoring Hall Of Fame.

RICK RICK RICK

vacuumslayer February 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Deep down inside, even Santorum knows he's santorum.

Pat_Pending February 15, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Gee, thanks for the tea-spew… Cleanup on Cube 3!!!

DemonicRage February 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

OMG! If he is crazy enuf to approve this dirtbag ad, what does he have in mind to do, if elected?

Troglodeity February 15, 2012 at 5:33 pm

It's not good for the Republicans when their last two major Presidential candidates are each inextricably intertwined with stories related to fecal matter: canine for Romney, and lubed for Santorum.

cobweb2 February 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Give him a break. While he hasn't verbalized it, the embroidery proudly emblazoned over the heart on all his sweaters sends a not so secret message to his followers in the priesthood.

DataSnake February 15, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Aside from the obvious poop jokes, the more highbrow among you will find a certain irony in the fact that this is a negative ad whose sole purpose is to state that anyone who would stoop to running negative ads is unfit to lead. The petard upon which Mr. Frothy finds himself hoist is, in this case, his own.

Buckminster February 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I know it's been said before–again and again–but this IS THE WORST CAMPAIGN EVAH!

DahBoner February 15, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him"

SANTORUM HAPPENS.

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Bonobo knows.

natoslug February 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I'm so late today, but at least I had a good dream (which, of course, I mistook for reality until searching the interwebz for verification): Nancy Pelosi and Rick Perry and the Marine Corps in an America First ad. Fuck, I wish my dreams were reality.

Catabite February 15, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Sex with a cardboard cut out of Rick Santorum is probably the same thing as sex with actual Rick Santorum. Why you'd want either is beyond me.

Negropolis February 16, 2012 at 2:43 am

I tell you, the only thing that have made this any funnier is if the actor would have used his hands to spread his cheeks and simulated blowing the mud out of his ass. lol

BTW, LOL as if Mitt has ever shot an assault rifle. lol

donner_froh February 16, 2012 at 1:05 am

Fafner and Fasolt perhaps?

Geminisunmars February 16, 2012 at 1:30 am

Ya, that's better. (run little Freia, run).

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: