a splash of santorum

Santorum Makes Ad Showing Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him

Oh for god's sake, Santorum actually PAID for this campaign ad?So what did Rick Santorum’s campaign come up with, for the new ad complaining about Mitt Romney? Oh, just a life-sized cardboard cutout of a dumbly smiling Santorum repeatedly splashed with a brown, frothy liquid. No, really.

Rick Santorum PAID FOR THIS AD, and he “approved this message,” as you can hear Rick lisp at the beginning of the commercial. Yeah yeah, there’s some buff tough guy “rough trade” businessman with a machine gun, too. Rick likes this kind of thing, angry man-on-man sex violence in a parking garage. [YouTube]

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174 comments

      1. Chichikovovich

        True, Rick does kind of put me in mind of Erik in The Flying Dutchman. The cluelessness is there, the whiny loserhood is there, the "a woman has to be even more batshit insane than Senta to want him" is there.

        Just Rick is a million times more of a douchebag.

        1. chascates

          This may be the year of The Ring for the GOP. I can see Fox News as the Valkyries, Ronald Reagan as Wotan, and the candidates as the Wälsungs, all in search of the Ring (nomination).

          Wonketters unfamiliar with the work should check out Anna Russell's wonderful analysis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69aPAo1rXE

    1. Chichikovovich

      But that choice of sound snippet does invite the question of thematic coherence. Why didn't they have a company of prancing toreadors in the background? It clearly would have improved the ad immensely. Also perhaps the last of the Santorum targets could be wearing a matador's hat and pants.

      1. MittBorg

        It's times like these that you wish zombie legends were fer realz. I could be so pleased to contemplate Zombie Bizet chewing off Rick Santorum's face.

    2. HogeyeGrex

      It does seem more of a "Carmina Burana" sort of spot.

      Or "Yakety Sax". Anything Santorum should have "Yakety Sax" played over the top.

    1. MittBorg

      Think of it THIS way: you're a better person for it. I am now going to exercise till I can't stand up in the hope of exorcizing that hideous vision.

  1. hagajim

    I think Rick must be running full throttle with the Santorum thing because he knows he can't avoid it – so why not embrace it. Nah – he's too fucking stupid for that.

    1. SorosBot

      It allows Rick to play the "Wah those gay liberals are so mean to me." Yeah, because turning his name into a sexual joke is so much worse than working to deny basic rights to people based solely on their sexual orientation; including supporting the "right" of states to arrest people simply for fucking in unapproved ways, and comparing sex between consenting adults to bestiality and pedophilia.

      1. MittBorg

        Wait till all you breeders finally figure out that "sodomy" refers to cunnilingus and fellatio and anal play, NOT gender of persons practising same. It'll be too late by then, because all us queer folk will have been killed for doing that stuff, and then the Santorums of this world will come for YOU.

        1. SorosBot

          Oh I know – Leonard v Texas was a victory for straights' rights too, not just gay people. The rights to blowjobs and pussy-licking are now constitutionally protected regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

          1. MittBorg

            I figured you would, you smartypants little Bot, you.

            (Hugs the Bot) I am SO happy for you, it's ridiculous. Now stop poking me, or I'll poke back. (Just kidding, I'm not THAT fucking sensitive, geez)

      1. chicken_thief

        Funny, I made sort of the reverse of that joke on the Scott is too sick to host Barry post. Brilliant minds?!….

    1. MittBorg

      You grew up in the Catholic church. You KNOW that's the subtext of every fucking Church teaching.

      Hell, remember how you have to beat your breast with the clenched fist and cry "Mea culpa!" ? Is that Easter mass? I forget. Lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world …

      Sick, forcing children to repeat that shit when they don't have a clue what it means.

  2. Joshua Norton

    Rick Santorum thinks he's as great as Tim Tebow.

    Mainly because he also never puts a convincing spin on what he delivers and God wants him to win.

    1. chicken_thief

      Rick is working on a distinctive Tebow-like pose, but bottoms everywhere have already taken his most recognizable position.

  3. 738838

    How did they ever get Mitt to appear in this ad? This just proves how smart and wiley those Santorum people are. Watch out, soon they will have Newell in a pro-life attack ad on Barry!

    1. actor212

      I have to disagree. I think this is a really clever way of tying the Google problem to Romney, to show that it's a political ploy.

      I know, it's much older than the campaign, but we're talking about Republicans. Worse, redneck Republicans who can't even remember who won the Super Bowl last week.

      I think it's genius

      1. gullywompr

        Redneck Republicans don't use The Internets, much less The Google. Unless Fox explains to them what Santorum is, they'll never know.

      2. Veritas78

        I hope the Patriots did! Because that Brady boy did alright for himself, coming from a mixed marriage with that quirky housekeeper and so many gay siblings, yet he ended up with that Brazilian ex-Nazi who works at Hooters! It's an American dream cum true with extra splooge.

        1. SorosBot

          You know the scene where Dark Helmet says ""I See Your Schwartz Is as Big as Mine"? Yeah that's not happening with Ricky; with his issues with sex I think his is like two inches, tops.

    1. Kgprophet

      Such wisdom with the creators of this commercial! Santorum is depicted as a cardboard cutout with sh*t flying all around him. Great imagery there guys.

  4. SoBeach

    Imagine juevos on the guy/gal who proposed using light brown, chunky goo and a greasy "splortch" sound for a Santorum commercial. I'm sure whoever it was thought everyone would get the joke, chuckle, and move on. But they didn't, and my new anonymous advertising hero took it all the way.

    Nicely done.

    1. prommie

      Those who work in the Campaign Industry, doing polls, ads, direct-mail, they are the most rapacious, cynical frauds on earth, they do third-rate work for exorbitant prices, but their customers are mostly imbeciles, so they laugh all the way to the bank.

  5. ElPinche

    good god..I know I'm supposed to laugh at this uber irony, but I'm horrified that this clueless jesustard could be the nominee.

  6. Dashboard Buddha

    Words fail. Either there's a guerrilla adman out there, or Santorum and his people are truly too clueless to live.

  7. Biff

    We all knew it was over when the media embraced it, what with all the surging and rising and coming from behind and everything.

  8. Wilcoxyz

    Not that a Santorum spot might backfire, but is this giving the Rominator cred on gun issues?

    Also, is that an empty factory? Or a parking garage? Kind of sloppy on the missed opportunities.

  9. kissawookiee

    I can't wait for his next ad, in which the Romney character performs a puppet show using a pickled fetus.

    1. chicken_thief

      Will female pickled fetuses be required to undergo a mandatory transvaginal probe prior to getting their SAG card? Or just in Virginia?

      1. kissawookiee

        No, they will only be transvaginaled if they TRY to get a union card. How else will the socialist sluts learn that choices have consequences?

  10. paris biltong

    It does make Romney look like a homicidal maniac but it also makes Santorum look like an idiot for just standing there.

  11. ttommyunger

    I'm guessing both are disappointed at all the misses, considering Rick was wearing his best shit-eating grin.

  12. SheriffRoscoe

    I especially enjoyed the realistic fashion in which the santorum "splatters" when fired from the water cannon.

  13. SheriffRoscoe

    So I think we can safely add mud to the list (along with brown finger paint) of items Rick Santorum should avoid embracing in his campaign ads.

  14. BigDumbRedDog

    So some gay guy at an ad agency is trying to sabotage santorum's campaign and him and everyone around him is too stupid to realize it. Sounds about right.

  15. rickmaci

    OK. I am nearly speechless. The background cartoon music, the splurge gun, the idiot looking photo cut out, the factory stalker: I take this as proof that Santorum has jumped the proverbial shark.

    1. HuddledMass

      Exactly. This fake Mitt is a bit of a klutz, but otherwise way too dynamic, reactive, emotional – it's as if he had *feelings* for god's sake.

  16. MittBorg

    Now, you KNOW, my Wonketteers, that, coming in late as I do I usually rush to the latest post to look around. But HOW could I possibly avoid THIS?

    Dear god this ad is awful. Someone needs to tell Rick what "Santorum" means.

  17. lulzmonger

    *ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: EPIC IRONY*

    Also, trolling fail: Romney's Super-PAC notwithstanding, it's already on the record that Santorum's a Lifetime Achievement winner in the Porkbarrel-Whoring Hall Of Fame.

    RICK RICK RICK

  18. Troglodeity

    It's not good for the Republicans when their last two major Presidential candidates are each inextricably intertwined with stories related to fecal matter: canine for Romney, and lubed for Santorum.

  19. cobweb2

    Give him a break. While he hasn't verbalized it, the embroidery proudly emblazoned over the heart on all his sweaters sends a not so secret message to his followers in the priesthood.

  20. DataSnake

    Aside from the obvious poop jokes, the more highbrow among you will find a certain irony in the fact that this is a negative ad whose sole purpose is to state that anyone who would stoop to running negative ads is unfit to lead. The petard upon which Mr. Frothy finds himself hoist is, in this case, his own.

  21. natoslug

    I'm so late today, but at least I had a good dream (which, of course, I mistook for reality until searching the interwebz for verification): Nancy Pelosi and Rick Perry and the Marine Corps in an America First ad. Fuck, I wish my dreams were reality.

  22. Catabite

    Sex with a cardboard cut out of Rick Santorum is probably the same thing as sex with actual Rick Santorum. Why you'd want either is beyond me.

  23. Negropolis

    I tell you, the only thing that have made this any funnier is if the actor would have used his hands to spread his cheeks and simulated blowing the mud out of his ass. lol

    BTW, LOL as if Mitt has ever shot an assault rifle. lol

Comments are closed.