a splash of santorum

Santorum Makes Ad Showing Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him

Oh for god's sake, Santorum actually PAID for this campaign ad?So what did Rick Santorum’s campaign come up with, for the new ad complaining about Mitt Romney? Oh, just a life-sized cardboard cutout of a dumbly smiling Santorum repeatedly splashed with a brown, frothy liquid. No, really.

Rick Santorum PAID FOR THIS AD, and he “approved this message,” as you can hear Rick lisp at the beginning of the commercial. Yeah yeah, there’s some buff tough guy “rough trade” businessman with a machine gun, too. Rick likes this kind of thing, angry man-on-man sex violence in a parking garage. [YouTube]

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  • chascates

    Art imitates life.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      More like "irritates" but your point is taken

    • north_of_moscow

      Or is it form following function?

      • YasserArraFeck

        that would be bodily function?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      There's no art in this, though PLENTY of haha.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Once again Rick, Irony is not just a river in Egypt…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Froth Wars – The Empire Flings Back

    • Bonghits4Jesus

      Santorum is in De Nile, a great river of goo is sweeping him to the bottom.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hey! You stole my line!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It *could* be — the Nile is awfully polluted with all that hippo shit and crocodile shit and people shit, yaknow.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Green Balloons please.

  • nounverb911

    Santorum is giving Mittbot an endless supply of ammo.

  • Lucidamente1

    Why is "Carmen" on the soundtrack? Isn't opera kind of gay??

    • chascates

      Not if they had used Wagner instead.

      • Chichikovovich

        True, Rick does kind of put me in mind of Erik in The Flying Dutchman. The cluelessness is there, the whiny loserhood is there, the "a woman has to be even more batshit insane than Senta to want him" is there.

        Just Rick is a million times more of a douchebag.

        • chascates

          This may be the year of The Ring for the GOP. I can see Fox News as the Valkyries, Ronald Reagan as Wotan, and the candidates as the Wälsungs, all in search of the Ring (nomination).

          Wonketters unfamiliar with the work should check out Anna Russell's wonderful analysis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69aPAo1rXE

          • Chichikovovich

            And Ron Paul as the hate-filled dwarf obsessed with gold.—

          • Geminisunmars

            Calista & Newt as Tristan & Isolde?

          • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

            Fafner and Fasolt perhaps?

          • Geminisunmars

            Ya, that's better. (run little Freia, run).

    • Chichikovovich

      But that choice of sound snippet does invite the question of thematic coherence. Why didn't they have a company of prancing toreadors in the background? It clearly would have improved the ad immensely. Also perhaps the last of the Santorum targets could be wearing a matador's hat and pants.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Zombie Bizet would totally sue Rick's ass, if his copyright hadn't expired.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It's times like these that you wish zombie legends were fer realz. I could be so pleased to contemplate Zombie Bizet chewing off Rick Santorum's face.

    • HogeyeGrex

      It does seem more of a "Carmina Burana" sort of spot.

      Or "Yakety Sax". Anything Santorum should have "Yakety Sax" played over the top.

    • iburl

      I'm sorry, was there something in that ad that wasn't gay?

  • littlebigdaddy

    That's not going to help his Google problem.

  • chicken_thief

    Did his campaign hire the Onion to do their ads?

    • Callyson

      Also their speeches.

  • Barb

    Dan Savage approves this message!

    • CapnFatback

      OT, but I'm proud to be intimately involved with someone who arranged to have Mr. Savage speak on his It Gets Better Project to the teachers of Ohio today.

      • emmelemm

        Awesome!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Bill? Is that you?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, I can't wait for the milk-mustache billboards.

    • Sparky MacGyver

      Uhh… That's not milk…

      • Tundra Grifter

        And it's not Rick Santorum – it's Rick Perry.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Milk Perry? Gross.

      • MosesInvests

        Paging Sr. Sanchez…..

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          He's kinda too dirty to come to the phone right now.

  • edgydrifter

    Way to embrace your legacy, Rick.

  • James Michael Curley

    We WERE going to have lunch today.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Think of it THIS way: you're a better person for it. I am now going to exercise till I can't stand up in the hope of exorcizing that hideous vision.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Red Ryder Santorum Shooter SHT5000™

  • hagajim

    I think Rick must be running full throttle with the Santorum thing because he knows he can't avoid it – so why not embrace it. Nah – he's too fucking stupid for that.

    • SorosBot

      It allows Rick to play the "Wah those gay liberals are so mean to me." Yeah, because turning his name into a sexual joke is so much worse than working to deny basic rights to people based solely on their sexual orientation; including supporting the "right" of states to arrest people simply for fucking in unapproved ways, and comparing sex between consenting adults to bestiality and pedophilia.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wait till all you breeders finally figure out that "sodomy" refers to cunnilingus and fellatio and anal play, NOT gender of persons practising same. It'll be too late by then, because all us queer folk will have been killed for doing that stuff, and then the Santorums of this world will come for YOU.

        • SorosBot

          Oh I know – Leonard v Texas was a victory for straights' rights too, not just gay people. The rights to blowjobs and pussy-licking are now constitutionally protected regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I figured you would, you smartypants little Bot, you.

            (Hugs the Bot) I am SO happy for you, it's ridiculous. Now stop poking me, or I'll poke back. (Just kidding, I'm not THAT fucking sensitive, geez)

  • prommie

    Romney is smearing Santorum. Ewwwweewwweeewwwww.

  • chicken_thief

    Where does one buy a shitball gun?

    • Wilcoxyz

      Homo Depot

    • Radiotherapy

      The Abortionplex?
      CPAC?

    • Guppy

      It involves finding someone with stomach flu.

      • chicken_thief

        Funny, I made sort of the reverse of that joke on the Scott is too sick to host Barry post. Brilliant minds?!….

  • memzilla

    Say, you know who else

    Wow, this ad is Godwin-proof.

    • gullywompr

      Even Hitler had more class.

      • chicken_thief

        In that case, I'll go with – the Tundra Grifter?

    • Callyson

      Dick Cheney?

    • Geminisunmars

      Canals of Venice?

    • horsedreamer_1

      GG Allin & the Murder Junkies?

    • C_R_Eature
  • SorosBot

    The frothy mix really does love playing the victim; he's got a serious martyr complex.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You grew up in the Catholic church. You KNOW that's the subtext of every fucking Church teaching.

      Hell, remember how you have to beat your breast with the clenched fist and cry "Mea culpa!" ? Is that Easter mass? I forget. Lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world …

      Sick, forcing children to repeat that shit when they don't have a clue what it means.

  • DaRooster

    So guns scare the Santorum outta Rick?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      No, I think they make him hot and bothered.

  • gullywompr

    I just defecated in terror.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Like a dog on the car roof?

    • insidebeltway

      You Romneyed.

    • LetUsBray

      I once defecated in Oklahoma. I'm guessing it was kind of like that.

  • Biff

    Death of a meme.

    • poorgradstudent

      Or its rebirth?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    "If Life gives you Santorum you should make Santorum (Dan Savage definition)"

  • Joshua Norton

    Rick Santorum thinks he's as great as Tim Tebow.

    Mainly because he also never puts a convincing spin on what he delivers and God wants him to win.

    • chicken_thief

      Rick is working on a distinctive Tebow-like pose, but bottoms everywhere have already taken his most recognizable position.

  • jus_wonderin

    Wow. Once again, I have no words.

  • 738838

    How did they ever get Mitt to appear in this ad? This just proves how smart and wiley those Santorum people are. Watch out, soon they will have Newell in a pro-life attack ad on Barry!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That was Mitt?

      I thought it was Nixon!

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Nixon had more class and charisma.

  • el_donaldo
  • Poindexter718

    The National Rectal Association will love that ad.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    And you'll be able to shoot santorum at Santorum from your own splurge gun on Atari X-Box in 3, 2, 1.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Does Santorum even know what santorum is?

    • LetUsBray

      He periodically whines that Google is mean to him. So he knows it's something bad, at any rate.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Santorum has finally found his comfort spot. Must be using enough lube.

  • MissTaken

    The complete lack of self-awareness is strong with this one.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I have to disagree. I think this is a really clever way of tying the Google problem to Romney, to show that it's a political ploy.

      I know, it's much older than the campaign, but we're talking about Republicans. Worse, redneck Republicans who can't even remember who won the Super Bowl last week.

      I think it's genius

      • gullywompr

        Redneck Republicans don't use The Internets, much less The Google. Unless Fox explains to them what Santorum is, they'll never know.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Exactly.

      • GOPCrusher

        Rick can point to it and say it's further proof of the Liberal Smear Campaign against him.

      • Veritas78

        I hope the Patriots did! Because that Brady boy did alright for himself, coming from a mixed marriage with that quirky housekeeper and so many gay siblings, yet he ended up with that Brazilian ex-Nazi who works at Hooters! It's an American dream cum true with extra splooge.

    • SorosBot

      Rick has fallen to the dork side of the force.

      • MissTaken

        He's not even cool enough for the Schwartz.

        • SorosBot

          You know the scene where Dark Helmet says ""I See Your Schwartz Is as Big as Mine"? Yeah that's not happening with Ricky; with his issues with sex I think his is like two inches, tops.

    • Guppy

      It's not just himself he's unaware of.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Shit happens.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Mitt has a huge problem if he is hitting himself with Santorum.

  • WhatTheHeck

    It all comes back to guns and whose is bigger. And whose can ejaculate more rounds per minute.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Rick to Mittens: "Santorum cannot be easily wiped off!"

  • DaRooster

    I have to poo.

  • ThundercatHo

    Don't send your cardboard cutout, pussy. Take it like a man.

    • Kgprophet

      Such wisdom with the creators of this commercial! Santorum is depicted as a cardboard cutout with sh*t flying all around him. Great imagery there guys.

  • SoBeach

    Imagine juevos on the guy/gal who proposed using light brown, chunky goo and a greasy "splortch" sound for a Santorum commercial. I'm sure whoever it was thought everyone would get the joke, chuckle, and move on. But they didn't, and my new anonymous advertising hero took it all the way.

    Nicely done.

    • prommie

      Those who work in the Campaign Industry, doing polls, ads, direct-mail, they are the most rapacious, cynical frauds on earth, they do third-rate work for exorbitant prices, but their customers are mostly imbeciles, so they laugh all the way to the bank.

      • NellCote71

        cf: entire Rick Perry campaign but in particular, Brokeback ad.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Embrace the santorum, Rick.

    Now, close your mouth and swallow.

  • ElPinche

    good god..I know I'm supposed to laugh at this uber irony, but I'm horrified that this clueless jesustard could be the nominee.

    • Isyaignert

      Horrified? I'm hopeful. It's the perfect blah vs wha fight. Welcome to 2012 people.

  • HistGuy

    He said "backfire." Heh heh.

  • Poindexter718

    "That isn't mud, my friend."

  • widestanceshakedown

    . . . ?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Words fail. Either there's a guerrilla adman out there, or Santorum and his people are truly too clueless to live.

  • meatlofer

    That's ''VICTORY SHIT" !

  • Biff

    We all knew it was over when the media embraced it, what with all the surging and rising and coming from behind and everything.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Not that a Santorum spot might backfire, but is this giving the Rominator cred on gun issues?

    Also, is that an empty factory? Or a parking garage? Kind of sloppy on the missed opportunities.

  • kissawookiee

    I can't wait for his next ad, in which the Romney character performs a puppet show using a pickled fetus.

    • chicken_thief

      Will female pickled fetuses be required to undergo a mandatory transvaginal probe prior to getting their SAG card? Or just in Virginia?

      • kissawookiee

        No, they will only be transvaginaled if they TRY to get a union card. How else will the socialist sluts learn that choices have consequences?

    • Radiotherapy

      Brilliant, Rmoney at a fetus barbecue.

  • spends2much

    Wow, I nearly Romneyed when I saw all that Santorum.

  • IncenseDebate

    Taint ball might just catch on?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    When your research team dredges rushlimbaugh.com for references, you know winning the race to the bottom.

  • occams8ball

    ha ha just like monkey island at the zoo!

  • paris biltong

    It does make Romney look like a homicidal maniac but it also makes Santorum look like an idiot for just standing there.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    This is a 'must see'.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm guessing both are disappointed at all the misses, considering Rick was wearing his best shit-eating grin.

  • Tundra Grifter

    When you have lemons, make lemonade.

    When you have poop, make a pooper shooter.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Now that's what I call scatter-shot.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I especially enjoyed the realistic fashion in which the santorum "splatters" when fired from the water cannon.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    In the navy, that was called a "stern shot."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How much did that ad cost? Because that was quite a money shot.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    So I think we can safely add mud to the list (along with brown finger paint) of items Rick Santorum should avoid embracing in his campaign ads.

    • jus_wonderin

      Most types of pudding…too.

  • CapnFatback

    I question the director's decision to include gun violence in this gay porno.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    So some gay guy at an ad agency is trying to sabotage santorum's campaign and him and everyone around him is too stupid to realize it. Sounds about right.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Has to be.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Probably the same guy convinced him sweater vests were cool.

    • Limeylizzie

      I hope so, that would be amazing.

  • James Michael Curley

    to paraphrase Monty Python; "E can't be President. E's got shit all over 'im.."

  • Radiotherapy

    Un-fucking-believable.

  • rickmaci

    OK. I am nearly speechless. The background cartoon music, the splurge gun, the idiot looking photo cut out, the factory stalker: I take this as proof that Santorum has jumped the proverbial shark.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Intending to commit unwanted genital opening penetration of said shark, I'm guessing.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        It really hurts when he does that.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    You definitely want to get ahead of santorum, meme or otherwise.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Shit! Cum on…

  • teebob2000

    Ah, yes, the deadly and messy Romney Repeater.

  • Guppy

    The real Mittbot doesn't show anywhere near that much emotion.

    • HuddledMass

      Exactly. This fake Mitt is a bit of a klutz, but otherwise way too dynamic, reactive, emotional – it's as if he had *feelings* for god's sake.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    When Santorum splatters all over the walls, teh buttsecks is HAWT,

  • fredbell

    Look…Let's give credit where credit is due….This is the funniest fucking ad I have ever seen….

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Rickita doth protest too much. He loves getting "mud" splattered on him by Romney's "gun".

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Hey, Mitt just wanted to shoot the shit for a while, man to man. What's wrong with that.

  • owhatever

    Cool. Mitt fights terrorists on top of trains, too. That's who I want for prezdent.

  • valgal2342

    Now that was funny! Stewart's people doing a little moonlighting for RS ads?

  • sezme

    I just threw up a little, in my pants.

  • FannyBurney

    Is this a trailer from the movie "The Perfect Shitstorm"?

  • sezme

    Fake Killer Romney/Cardboard Santorum 2012!
    (Has to be an improvement on the real ones.)

  • mavenmaven

    This video can be entitled "inside the republican mind".

  • PuckStopsHere

    Needs moar Demon Sheep.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Now, you KNOW, my Wonketteers, that, coming in late as I do I usually rush to the latest post to look around. But HOW could I possibly avoid THIS?

    Dear god this ad is awful. Someone needs to tell Rick what "Santorum" means.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    It doesn't get any better than this.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Perhaps a "Dick Immodium" character should show up at Santorum events to counter his lies. That would be fun!

  • lulzmonger

    *ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: EPIC IRONY*

    Also, trolling fail: Romney's Super-PAC notwithstanding, it's already on the record that Santorum's a Lifetime Achievement winner in the Porkbarrel-Whoring Hall Of Fame.

    RICK RICK RICK

  • http://slainbyvacuumslayer.blogspot.com/ vacuumslayer

    Deep down inside, even Santorum knows he's santorum.

  • Pat_Pending

    Gee, thanks for the tea-spew… Cleanup on Cube 3!!!

  • DemonicRage

    OMG! If he is crazy enuf to approve this dirtbag ad, what does he have in mind to do, if elected?

  • Troglodeity

    It's not good for the Republicans when their last two major Presidential candidates are each inextricably intertwined with stories related to fecal matter: canine for Romney, and lubed for Santorum.

  • cobweb2

    Give him a break. While he hasn't verbalized it, the embroidery proudly emblazoned over the heart on all his sweaters sends a not so secret message to his followers in the priesthood.

  • DataSnake

    Aside from the obvious poop jokes, the more highbrow among you will find a certain irony in the fact that this is a negative ad whose sole purpose is to state that anyone who would stoop to running negative ads is unfit to lead. The petard upon which Mr. Frothy finds himself hoist is, in this case, his own.

  • Buckminster

    I know it's been said before–again and again–but this IS THE WORST CAMPAIGN EVAH!

  • DahBoner

    "Frothy Fecal Matter Ejaculated At Him"

    SANTORUM HAPPENS.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Bonobo knows.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I'm so late today, but at least I had a good dream (which, of course, I mistook for reality until searching the interwebz for verification): Nancy Pelosi and Rick Perry and the Marine Corps in an America First ad. Fuck, I wish my dreams were reality.

  • Catabite

    Sex with a cardboard cut out of Rick Santorum is probably the same thing as sex with actual Rick Santorum. Why you'd want either is beyond me.

  • Negropolis

    I tell you, the only thing that have made this any funnier is if the actor would have used his hands to spread his cheeks and simulated blowing the mud out of his ass. lol

    BTW, LOL as if Mitt has ever shot an assault rifle. lol