SEX MONSTERS  2:20 pm February 14, 2012

Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC

by Jim Newell

...Please?It is a true fact that there were a full dozen or two ladies at CPAC this year wearing sparkly cocktail dresses approximately ten million inches above the knee from nine in the morning ’til eleven at night, each being pursued by 10,000 sex-starved young conservative males. Why else would they all go to CPAC? To respectfully take notes on Richard Viguerie’s conservative movement stories from the mid-60s while sipping on a club soda? That may be why your Wonkette went, but most of the students simply came to revel in the awkward late-adolescent/30-something sexual tension fest. And that has got to stop, according to Internet conservatives Erick Erickson and Melissa Clouthier. Next year, genitals will be banned.

Erickson explains that when he started attending CPAC in 2005, the young men were responsible pursuants of their sexual conquests that probably never materialized:

Being the good, intrepid blogger, I ran across the street to a CVS to buy a notepad, having left mine in my office back in Macon, GA. There in line were a half dozen young men, each with CPAC credentials around their necks and each buying condoms.

That is part of life on the college circuit. Young men, regardless of political persuasion or ideology, are intent on having sex, being boys, getting drunk — doing what young men in college often do. All to often there are also a few young ladies willing to shame their parents if their parents only knew.

Boys will be boys, ladies will be evil family-shamers. This is just the way of the world and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s conservative. Nowadays, however, every CPAC creep under the age of 40 is just looking for a quick black-out-and-bang in the Marriott gift shop storage closet:

But — and I wouldn’t be writing any of this had I not had a series of email exchanges on this subject in the past few days — I am more than a bit shocked by the young men at CPAC this year who just seemingly refuse to grow up or act their age. More troubling, while in 2005 it seemed to be just college kids, as the years have passed it is not just the 18 to 21 year old set, but the twenty and thirty somethings who just can’t seem to grow up. It’s like they started out at CPAC this way in college and each year at their CPAC reunion descend back to their freshman year rush week.

This is more and more common in society and none of us should expect that a behavior increasingly common in society should not spill over into any event including CPAC, but just because something is common does not mean it is responsible or acceptable.

(If anyone has one of these email exchanges that Erick Erickson is referring to, you must email it to tips@wonkette.com.)

Anyway, what about the ladies at CPAC, Doctor Melissa Clothier? What do you think of them?

Women will be future leaders, too, and I was dismayed to see how many of them either looked frumpish or like two-bit whores.

Go on?

First, are these young people being taught anything by their parents? I was at another service-oriented gathering of young women where the girls were in tight bandeau-skirts (you know, the kind of tube-top skirts that hookers wear on street corners?). They were sitting with their mothers. What is going on here?

Second, have women so internalized feminist dogma that they see themselves in only two ways? Butch, men-lite wannabes or 3rd wave sluts who empower themselves by screwing every available horndog man?

Melissa Clouthier will [sigh] just have to play mommy herself:

1. No cleavage. That’s right. Cover that up. I say “no” in absolutist terms because women will show a tiny bit and that’s okay, but really, in a business environment where ideas are the priority, a dude thinking about your ta-tas is counter-productive.

2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee. Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much.

3. Save the stilettos for Saturday night on a date with your boyfriend.

4. Bend at the knee. No, I don’t want to see your butt.

Thank you, Erick and Melissa. And are we clear now, young men and women? Each of you returning to CPAC next year should be dressed and comporting yourselves more like the common Puritan…

…And less like this slutty Slate political reporter slut.

Again: More this…

…Less this.

Grow up, you naked slut duck.

[Red State, Melissa Clouthier]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 230 comments }

ChernobylSoup February 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Say, I hear one harlot was even wearing rouge.

Lascauxcaveman February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Totally Asking For It.

Slut.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

That was Erick son of Erick.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

But, wait, I'm confused. Sarah Palin went rouge.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:33 pm

How come your comment didn't show up when I entered MINE and got egg all over my face? HUH? HUH?

flamingpdog February 15, 2012 at 12:21 am

I think Intense Debate doesn't always show my comments to everybody, but then I'm paranoid, BWA HA HA HA HA!exclamation point!!

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:45 am

Elebenty. Huh.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Sure that wasn't a pitbull? Cuz you know the difference between a pitbull and…

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:02 pm

That must be that Going Rouge gal, Pair a sumthin'.

KarenJ503 February 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Oh, yeahhhhh… "…the girls were in tight bandeau-skirts (you know, the kind of tube-top skirts that hookers wear on street corners?)…

Maybe Melissa Clouthier should have talked to literally Going Rouge galSarah Palin before she appeared at CPAC Saturday in her hooker red satin blouse, shelf bra, spandex pencil skirt with a slit, no nylons, and peep-toe FM 6" stilettos.
http://barbaricthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/20http://barbaricthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/20http://barbaricthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/20

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:22 pm

What's up with that case? Is that another attempt of hers to appear smart?

johnnyzhivago February 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I'd think that a woman at CPAC would be about as safe as a woman walking into a gay night club in Amsterdam.

Nothingisamiss February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

A woman a gay and a CPAC attendee walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Say, aren't you the new wonkette, jr I keep reading about?"

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:34 pm

A woman a gay ^^^ PERSON ^^^ and a CPAC attendee walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Say, aren't you the new wonkette, jr I keep reading about?"

FIFY, NNTT

OC_Surf_Serf February 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

CPAC to America's Youth: Get Off My Lawn!!

mrpuma2u February 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Uh that's DON'T get off on my lawn, or anywhere else for that matter. Who would jeebus bang in the store room?

johnnyzhivago February 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

CPAC has more closeted men than California Closet Organizers does.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:56 pm

CLOSETMAID LIBEL!

Rarian Rakista February 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm

They are just in stiff competition to be named ambassador to Narnia when the Christian glory of the Sanataorum administration takes hold.

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

As if CPAC couldn't get any douchier.

not that Dewey February 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Douchier — is that the guy who scoops up the dice with his cane?

meatlofer February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Airplane skirts-they just cover the cockpit!

OC_Surf_Serf February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Sounds like CPAC men sure go for the Catholic School Girl look on their escorts.

Maman February 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Let's just issue the girls a pleated plaid skirt upon entrance next year. And for the closeted type, perhaps the boys should be wearing albs and cassocks (red or black?)

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 1:50 am

Hell, it worked for Britney Spears.

Pragmatist2 February 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Conservative Youth" is an oxymoron. Erick Erickson is just a moron.

YasserArraFeck February 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"OxyMoron" = an individual rendered dumb by overuse of Oxycodone (ie most of the conservative electorate of WV, KY, TN etc etc)

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I dunno. I've known some "Conservative Youth" in my time. It's not so much a oxymoron as a tragedy. Usually of the closeted kind.

Fuck Toad February 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

As Blackadder's aunt would say, those CPAC harlots need to put away their devil's dumplings.

emmelemm February 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Dirty pillows!!

YasserArraFeck February 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

…lest they get splattered with devils gravy

Generation[redacted] February 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I got my ladel out!

doloras February 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

PUT AWAY THOSE FIREY BISCUITS! – Rudi van diSarzio

spinozasgod February 14, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I've got a cunning plan………..

MaxNeanderthal February 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Ironic that Miriam Margolyes, who plays Blackadders aunt in the photo above, is a wickedly irrepressible lesbian. My actor neighbour has been on set with her, and in fits of laughter over the hair-raising tales of her conquests, including one about jumping into bed with a lady cop who'd come to inspect her driver's licence….

Fuck Toad February 23, 2012 at 4:01 pm

British people are so slutty.

Indiepalin February 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's a shame that most of lamesteam America has never heard of Erickson and his band of merry skanksters 'cause if they did, they'd be laughed right out of the blogosphere.

jjdaddyo February 14, 2012 at 3:31 pm

If Eric Erickson were any whiter, he would shame Pat Boone.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!!"

DerrickWildcat February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Any girls at CPAC should just expect to be raped.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That's why there's so few of them, I'm sure.

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

If it's bound to happen, they should just lay there and enjoy it.

not that Dewey February 14, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Grit their teeth and think of Breitbart…

starfanglednut February 14, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Make lemonade!

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Conservatives unaware naughtiness transpires?

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Betwixt the sexes, yes.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Usually cash has to change hands first.

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Cash underwrites naughty temptations?

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:48 pm

What the hell are the "bone crackin'" "Dr." & Erick going to do next time? Team up to knock on hotel room doors & scream "You people better not be fucking in there!"

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That Slate reporter is one angry lesbian!

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 1:52 am

You just know that she was typing that hate-screed with one hand…

Schmannnity February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Creepy conservatives will be creepy

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Fox pundit wonders why women CPAC harlots surprised when they get raped.

Nothingisamiss February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

How did Melissa know that they looked like "two-bit" whores? How many whore/pay scale ratings does she see? And aren't they only two-bit whores because that's what the market will pay?

YasserArraFeck February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Definitely buy into those two-bit whores now, 'cos when they go up to a buck-a-fuck, you'll make a killing, and only pay 15% tax on the profit!!

Generation[redacted] February 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Two bits only gives you 4 words of addressable space. Yes, I'm a computer nerd, and I throw in my 2 bits.

bagofmice February 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I 8 that joke up, for a bit more at least.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Listen, when you work in an industry, you know the pay scales intimately.

Designer_Rants February 14, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Intimately? But no kissing on the lips or eye contact, mkay?

Gratuitous World February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

that's why when I father a female fetus, I'm tattooing Eric Erickson's fatfuck face on the inside of her eyelids. you're welcome, america.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 1:54 am

That punishment is both cruel and unusual.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

1. No cleavage….
2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee….
3. Save the stilettos for Saturday night on a date with your boyfriend…
4. Bend at the knee. No, I don’t want to see your butt.

"I'm looking at you, K-Lo."

weej_bain February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

And we definitely don't want to see her butt.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Hey, Erick and Melissa; people who fuck are acting like grown-ups; it's the puritanical scolds like you who are horrified at the idea of other people's genitals touching that are immature idiots who have to grow up and learn to act like adults who don't give a shit about others' sex lives.

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 3:05 pm

As someone on the Twatter noted:

Literal White Supremacists invited to speak at CPAC? NBD. Adults exercising responsible sexual practices? TOTAL MORAL OUTRAGE.

Honestly, the fact that condoms elicit a greater outrage than white supremacists pretty much summarizes the entire Republican party in a single instant.

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

As a geek, I was pretty sure the point of going to conventions of any sort was to get laid? Admittedly, CPAC is sort of the worst con in existance, -even their cosplayers are extra-awful- but still.

Smithboy February 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Here is a Valentine's Day card for all of my neocon friends. Pass this around.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b4d3dc3524/check

Ducksworthy February 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Dear Wonkette.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to stop coming here for the smut if this is the best you can do. I keep waiting for a picture of a CPAC slut doing something obscene with an elephant. And this is the best you can do?

Mumbletypeg February 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Erickson would insist the "smut" of which you speak is for liebrulz and co-eds who haven't outgrown their hormone-bedeviled ways. He is privately jealous CPAC couldn't book the Platypus furry in time for shaking some booty the clean-cut, line-dancing wholesome way.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Well, the elephant's been posted up top here…

Generation[redacted] February 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I miss the old days when ducks wielded dildos.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 1:55 am

Shorter: Where are the elephants? I was told there would be elephants.

orygoon February 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm

So, CPAC is a big hookup. I read they had 10,000 attendees, and wondered why. Thanks for the explanation.

gullywompr February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Finish my danged fence, baby! Ohhhh… FINISH IT!"

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Keep fucking that wide tent, Conservatards!

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

"All to often there are also a few young ladies willing to shame their parents if their parents only knew."

Who knew? Next year, CPAC for me!!!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Not their parents, obvs.

TanzbodenKoenig February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Wow… The stick up their asses must have a stick up its ass

bumfug February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Good luck, Melissa Clouthier, with your campaign to get the girls to stop wearing miniskirts. Look at their role models like Ann Coulter – if the skirt Ann wore at CPAC was any shorter you could have seen her nuts.

Buckminster February 14, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Hey Melissa–the Victorian Era just called and you're late for your tatting lesson.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 1:56 am

Ha!

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much

Wait! Women are allowed OUT of the house? No wonder we should expect to be raped.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

That's right! You should keep it in the house, to protect Dad's health

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And just who is allowing them out of the house like that anyway? I mean these are women, not people who can actually live their own lives and make decisions for themselves.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Exactly! Just this weekend there was a man in my house who had to approve of what I was wearing because I'm incapable of dressing myself.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well I hope this man didn't allow you to wear anything slutty like cleavage-revealing shirts or sexy underwear; otherwise your parents would be shamed.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Indeed! Any clothing could be so construed, so off with it!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Say, aren't you a Certified Underwear Inspector?

jus_wonderin February 14, 2012 at 2:58 pm

MT. is there an opening for the coming weekend?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Ah-HEM! No names, addresses, video clips?

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 3:28 pm

You did hear there were a couple of earthquakes in NorCal this weekend, right?!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Who made their leg chains so long?

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Did your father or husband give you permission to write that comment?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

(If anyone has one of these email exchanges that Erick Erickson is referring to, you must email it to tips@wonkette.com.)

Don't you read your own WEBSITE, Newell???? There were even Craigslist ads!!!!!

YasserArraFeck February 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I'd say those chicks were just asking to be raped, but the guys are….you know……republicans….

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I want those fuckers outa the closet STAT, they're giving the whole community a bad name.

Eve8Apples February 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Why does Erickson assume those boys were buying condoms for sex with women? I heard some odd sheep noises coming from the Marriott gift shop closet.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

You ever have sex with a Republican woman?

Lemme put it this way: they're kinda furry there…

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

First, are these young people being taught anything by their parents? I was at another service-oriented gathering of young women where the girls were in tight bandeau-skirts (you know, the kind of tube-top skirts that hookers wear on street corners?). They were sitting with their mothers. What is going on here?

Considering they were sitting with their mothers, who were wearing tube tops and low rider jeans, at moms' arraignment for meth, I'd say yes.

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

And here I thought it wasn't possible for conservatards to be more boring and humorless.

sunmusing February 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Ahh Jim, now I know why the Wonkettes were creaming their jeans when news of your return hit the tubes, you are fucking funny. Now I'm gonna have to go read your previous leavings.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:34 pm

That Puritan guy's skirt is way above the knee…

MrFizzy February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Is there a rule among conservatives that every adult male who's going be in the club has to look like he's been hit in the face with a frying pan?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Sure looks that way, don't it?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee. Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much.

*sigh* This reminds me of the old patriarchal test to see if a mini was too long…

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"3rd wave sluts who empower themselves by screwing every available horndog man?"

Any of you single ladies out there in need of "empowerment?" (nudge nudge wink wink)

owhatever February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Major Frank Burns and Hot Lips — the founders of CPAC — approve of these reminders of proper moral behavior.

mavenmaven February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

The sad part is that what you read above is exactly what these sickos want to do to the whole country. And then they complain about sharia law…

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

i know i come to wonkette for the puritan woodcuts.

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Erick the Rude is pissed that he didn't get any sexytime with the intern Babettes. Maybe if he wasn't handing out Fruit Trollops in condoms…

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 6:30 pm

That was my first thought, too. Obviously these two went to CPAC to get laid (along with everyone else), didn't get laid, & are bitter about it. Too bad these two didn't hook up together.

gullywompr February 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Can't these bloggers recognize liberal infiltrators when they see them?

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

They bus in those young Repugnants… most of them have applied for scholarships and are required to go… so of course they are going to make the best of it.
(Whores)

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Erickson is just pissed off that the roofies he slipped to Pam Gellar didn't work. "I figured they would be really good; I mean, I bought them from a Negro!"

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Is it wrong to smile when thinking about Pam Geller falling off a roofie?

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Don't know about you all but that Dwight D. Duck is making me feel all kinds of naughty right now. Quack quack!

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Blueb4sunrise February 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"….doing what young men in college often do.
All to [sic] often there are also a few young ladies
willing to shame their parents
if their parents only knew."

Stolen from the theme song to the 1961 classic
Hot Rod CPAC Sluts

HelmutNewton February 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"There in line were a half dozen young men, each with CPAC credentials around their necks and each buying condoms."

Ummm, he does know that they were after some Santorum, right? They don't want anything to do with people of the opposite sex.

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

They should be congratulated for using their common sense. If you're going to have anonymous sex with someone that advertised on Craigslist, using a condom sounds like a good idea.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Erick, son of Erick, who was son of Allfather Erick claims he was just buying a notepad.
Uh huh.

CivicHoliday February 14, 2012 at 8:45 pm

hurray for sweaty frothy self-loathing in-the-closet gay sex festivals!

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

You know where else you should put three fingers above the knee?
♪ ♫ Take the skinheads bowling. ♪ ♫

SayItWithWookies February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Well, if that doesn't speak to the failure of abstinence-only indoctrination, then nothing does. Maybe next year's CPAC should be dry and the women forced to stay in a separate hotel from the men, and chaperoned, just to keep the shenanigans under control. I mean, make it like the America you want to see, right Erick? It'll be fun watching your moral crusade die from lack of interest — though looking at the attendees of this year's ogrefest, I can't understand why that hasn't happened already.

Eve8Apples February 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I would love to see a Survivor type series where they take a bunch of Evangelical Christian conservatives, isolate them on an island and actually force them to live the lifestyle they want to force upon the rest of us. By the series end, they will have all died by suicide or murder.

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I'd watch that.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Well, if they based the rules of the program on Old Testament, it would be mostly murder.

Shellwith2Ls February 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I don't think segregating the sexes will stop the shenanigans since, based on the Craigslist ads, they weren't interested in women anyway.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:37 pm

"Hey guys, it's nothing but us fellas on this floor! Let's get the party started!"

Wilcoxyz February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Conservatives go to CPAC with birth control. They leave without it. You can't explain that.

Eve8Apples February 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I think Erick and Melissa have valid points. We should discourage CPAC attendees from breeding. It just contaminates the gene pool. Chastity belts will be required for all CPAC attendees in the future.

Rotundo_ February 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm

A humane tagging and neutering program for the males could be easily be achieved with net guns, tasers and dart guns, cull them, nut them, put a big plastic tag in their ear (or do like they do with pigs and notch them) and release them, stunned and a little dopey (like usual) back into the herd.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"…and I was dismayed to see how many of them either looked frumpish or like two-bit whores. "

In the former category: Melissa herself, Lou Sarah, and all those 2 Ton Tessies on scooters. In the latter: all the hot chicks that she is jealous of.

KeepFnThatChicken February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Wait, wait… I'm trying to profile why a young person — a "person of youth", as it were — would attend anything like CPAC for tail.

I mean, if I were chasing trim, I'd give Sarah Palin a glance. I'd shove a cork in Laura Ingraham's mouth. I'd ask Ann Coulter for a match. I'd curiously ask Michelle Malkin if it's sideways.

And then I would go to my hotel room and call Bristol or Meghan McCain, because they are the only party favors I'd find at this event.

gullywompr February 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

"I'm trying to profile why a young person — a "person of youth", as it were — would attend anything like CPAC for tail."

You just answered your own question.

Rotundo_ February 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Hand Malkin a ping-pong ball wrapped in a fiver and enjoy the show, you'll get the lay of the land and one of the meanest serves in table tennis that was ever delivered hands free.

PuckStopsHere February 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

They don't really care who's fucking. Only that they keep the fetus which results to term.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I am shocked, SHOCKED!, to find out that there are future Gross Old Perverts here.

-Erick, son of Erick, Earl of Wetsuit and Duke of Dildo
~

Callyson February 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

have women so internalized feminist dogma that they see themselves in only two ways? Butch, men-lite wannabes or 3rd wave sluts who empower themselves by screwing every available horndog man?
FFS, the whole *point* of the feminist movement is to move away from idiotic dichotomies like this, you moran.
Oh, why even bother trying to explain to someone like this. Erickson, go hire a hooker already and come back when you're not so desperately horny yourself…

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Silly women, thinking that their opinions matter and that they are not just their for mens' enjoyment.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Well, of course their opinions matter — but only to them, HAHAHAHA!!! Wut? It's not like anybody listens to them anyway.

MadBrahms February 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

This is a group that still thinks "queer" is an adjective used to describe steam carriages and negroes in the workforce.

Also, if we're really going to do a feminist critique, some of the coverage from the Internet Males on the left has been pretty gross, too. Because women, they are dumb! Showing two of them proves that clearly, they couldn't possibly care about politics, because BOYS THEY R SO CUTE

Gainsbourg69 February 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I didn't notice any slut shaming coming from those internet males on the left.

el_donaldo February 14, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Ban genitals at CPAC? Forgive me for making the obvious correction, but it would appear they're banning female genitals. Apparently it would be just fine for Erik Son of Erik and Dr. Clothier Than Thou if the strapping young men of CPAC were to walk around pantsless and tumescent. It's the women that seem to be causing all the problems.

gullywompr February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Those horny guys are just going to get blue balls, CPAC girls are only there to hook up with Ron Paul.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Isn't that cute that Erick, son of Erick believes that the boys at CPAC were getting condoms to use with women.

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

the google valentine doodle ends with a montage including gay couples.

with delight, i imagine wingnuts heads asploding.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

CPAC dudes out on the street in D. C. with their CPAC credentials around their necks? Fox pundit wonders why they don't expect to get raped.

Sassomatic February 14, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much. kitchen. Who let this bitch learn to write anyway?

Wilcoxyz February 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Just the other day, Coulter said all the pretty sluts are conservative. Get with program, teatards.

BigDumbRedDog February 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I love how this guy thinks the condom buying had anything to do with women. What a moron.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 2:49 pm

full dozen or two ladies at CPAC … each being pursued by 10,000 sex-starved young conservative males.

An old joke, but never truer than it is here:
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

YouBetcha February 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Yes. Because the solution to puritanical, repressive, narrow-minded ideology is LESS SEX. Fucking brilliant.

SolitaireRose February 14, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I hate it when the "Douchetard frat boy" wing of the party fights with the "Burn the witches, and by witches we mean anyone who believes in crazy non-Jesus science like gravity and a round Earth" wing of the party. Hopefully a healing figure like James Dobson can work out their problems.

Tundra Grifter February 14, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Fashion advice from Melissa Clouthier makes about as much sense as diet tips from Ole Newt hisself.

jus_wonderin February 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

So, they are not looking for the slut vote??

thefrontpage February 14, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I only went to CPAC one day–Saturday–and ended up having sex with two girls and two guys! It was an orgy situation on the sixth floor of the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel about 6 p.m. on Saturday. Everyone was in their twenties, and no one seemed to care about politics. And no one really seemed that "conservative." The partying went on for about two hours or so. That's the real CPAC!! And this was likely going on all over that hotel for all three days–again, that's reality. Who are these prudish morons to dictate anyone else's fun? That's just moronic, and out of touch with reality.

Troglodeity February 14, 2012 at 6:06 pm

You must be mistaking Wonkette for "Penthouse Letters."

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Those poor people working in the housekeeping, having to wash all that santorum out of the sheets.

Tundra Grifter February 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

That was CPAC?

With Jim's return I figured Wonkette was back to covering Late Night Shots…

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Wait, I'm confused: the religious fanatics that complain about people dressing immodestly and saying that women are inviting rape by associating with men at all, also hate fundamentalist Islam, though?

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I know. Go figure.

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Also, I hate to break it to Ewick, but if Craigslist (and in this modern age, Grindr) is any indication, those "young men with CPAC credentials" who were picking up condoms? Not sexing the ladies.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Not a *word* about the boys hooking up on Craigslist, Erick? Whomever are you trying to protect?

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

That entire tirade was a false flag operation if I ever saw one. Erickson and Clothier WISH all the sex at CPAC was the hetero variety.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm

After that Craigslist Cumexplosion, all I can say is either they've got an almighty fucking nerve, or they're so painfully divorced from reality as to still be in Stage IV Trauma.

Nothingisamiss February 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

MittBorg, thanks and SORRY for the "gay {person}" mistake. I was typing quickly, knew something sounded off and I AM SORRY. I'd apologize on the comment itself, but I think it's been deleted.

*hangs head in shame* and I'm not kidding.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Hey, sweetie! Did you notice I didn't say word one about how you were hatefully opressing me and mine and a homophobe and yada yada? That's because I KNEW it was a good faith mistake. I was just doing my good little LGBTQFAGGIT!!!/EditingQueen/StyleManualGuru bit for the planet, like I'm supposed to.

Now you stop worrying, because NOTHING is amiss. You hear me young lady/gentleman/person of indeterminate persuasion? NOTHING.

(Hugs the poor sufferer)

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Seriously…I'm 50 going on 13. I'm like a kitten with a particularly attractive bit of string.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I know, and you're making me LMFAO, so please, continue!

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I live but to serve.

tihond February 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Erickson: Why don't these women dress like men?

kissawookiee February 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Lots and lots and lots of young men gearing up for sexytime, and… "a few" young women. QED, Erick. Q. E. Fuckin'. D.

Streiffert February 14, 2012 at 3:15 pm

So when Erick son of Erick was in his twenties he noticed guys his age acting like guys. And now that he's in his thirties he's noticing guys his age acting like guys. When he's 75 he'll be stunned by the old men who hit on their nurses.

rickmaci February 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm

More evidence the "Cultural War" is a lot like the Civil War. The "cultural slavery" side lost years ago but doesn't want to admit it, is frustrated by the failure of their efforts to reverse history and is obsessively dedicated to a revisionist history that perpetrates the lie that they won.

Barrelhse February 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"Two-bit whores."
I've got 4 bits.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Fellow in back named Omar, says he'd like a word with you, Weej.

BornInATrailer February 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I recognize that fantastic Black Adder episode!

valthemus February 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

It's funny how my jokes about conservatives trying to take us back to the America of the 1890s used to actually be *jokes*.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I think "Dr." Clouthier was also outraged with young ladies exposing their necks, a bit of ankle, and their wrists. But she choose not to express that in an attempt to seem more reasonable & more "with it".

slowhansolo February 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Why is it these vapors-having prisses always remind me of my childhood Catholic pastor who disappeared under mysterious circumstances a few years back?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

And of what, precisely, was said clergyman accused?

slowhansolo February 15, 2012 at 7:46 am

Oh, you know, the usual.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Yeah, I kinda figured that. And these miserable prix want to control the sex lives of the non-celibate, non-religious, non-brainwashed. Miserable fuckers.

whatupirondog February 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Totally agree. What's wrong with these young republican lasses? You would think that these ladies were constantly being alternately demeaned by and pandered to by their own political party causing them to become desperate for any type of male confirmation of their worth even if that confirmation is somehow gained by being used as a fuck toy for some drunken college republican frat boy douchebag.

This is all the fault, of course, of the liberal media and Hollywood.

Redhead February 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Dr. Melissa's just looking out for those girls. Everyone knows conservative men aren't responsible for their actions, and if they see a bit of skin and get turned on, well, it's totally that girl's fault for daring to show her knees. And she might even get above the acceptable level of rape, if she shows enough skin, and that would be just SO shameful for her family, if they found out.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Apparently, according to one Elizabeth Pigfoot or summat, women are being raped too much.

ManchuCandidate February 14, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Young people fuck? I thought that was a myth perpetrated by the Liebrul media.*

*Seriously Ewick, no one gives a fuck what you think about fucking.

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

The most important question remains unanswered. Did the Santorum Girls get any?

… I didn't think so.

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Dr. Clouthier (ya know, she's a chiropractor) illustrates the appropriate amount of cleavage to show while singing karaoke:
http://theothermccain.com/2011/02/15/well-always-

Seriously, she's dispensing fashion advice?

Troglodeity February 14, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh my gawd, that picture of Melissa Clouthier explains everything. The fury of a woman scorned.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

No shit. I dare you to try to make it through a couple of her blog posts. Someone's got more baggage than Vuitton.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

See Trog's comment, and also too if Ms. Clouthier ever wore a bandana skirt that did not tie above her head and below her feet, the human species might suddenly become infertile en masse if they should, you know, see such a thing. (faints)

Troglodeity February 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"There in line were a half dozen young men, each with CPAC credentials around their necks and each buying condoms."

Yeah, right. Because young men buying condoms typically stand in lines six deep to do so, proudly displaying their boxes of Trojans for all to see, instead of ashamedly hiding them between news magazines and cold remedies.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Honey, these guys are openly advertising on Craigslist for gang-butt-reamings and bukkake. I honestly doubt they're overly shy about being seen in public with condoms. In fact, the little sluts are probly wearing their lanyard badges as a pickup opportunity.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Well I display them proudly; it's a way of announcing "yep, I'm gettin' some."

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:53 am

You know I'm just DYING to say something snarky to you, but out of respect for your recent rush of well-deserved happeh, I am holding mah tongue. Wiv bofe hands.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Awesome! I too always measure things with three fingers!

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 6:19 pm

WTH did I just see? Was that from a Tea Party meeting or from CPAC?

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"Dr." Melissa Clouthier, license courtesy of MSWord.

Schmegeg February 14, 2012 at 7:03 pm

"More troubling, while in 2005 it seemed to be just college kids, as the years have passed it is not just the 18 to 21 year old set, but the twenty and thirty somethings who just can’t seem to grow up."

It's the same people, you blithering idiot

Abernathy February 14, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Did that perv just tell me to bend at the knee?

bagofmice February 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I was an adventurer like you once, but then I took a skirt to the knee.

lulzmonger February 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

IN: Slut-shaming GOP Youth (= the under-50s).

OUT: Cause & effect.

If you get lots of people together who are all worked up about the same thing/s, that nervous energy will then sublimate itself through multiple sundry alternative pathways, thus you can bet your Bippy that before long There Will Be Boinking.

comrad_darkness February 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

> I am more than a bit shocked by the young men at CPAC this year who just seemingly refuse to grow up or act their age.

Funny, this is exactly what I always say about every republican representative and governor.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 10:13 pm

You go to CPAC with the contraception you have, not the contraception you want taken away.

ttommyunger February 14, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I googled "middle-aged virgin male" and that same pix of Erick popped up.

Slim_Pickins February 14, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Erick didn't forget his notepad, there was just no room for it among the gross of rubbers he brought for gay sex. This foresight keep him out of the condom line at CVS.

spinozasgod February 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

"Second, have women so internalized feminist dogma that they see themselves in only two ways? Butch, men-lite wannabes or 3rd wave sluts who empower themselves by screwing every available horndog man?"

so this is what conservatives got out of the women's movement? no wonder we are having to fight for reproductive rights again.

insidebeltway February 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I believe the rules were directed at Sarah Palin.

Catabite February 15, 2012 at 9:57 pm

"Ew, girls, stop showing so much lady-skin, you're grossing out the closeted gay men and making the bitter old women jealous!"

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I kept hearing what sounded like prayer, interspersed with high-pitched noises, but I attributed it, mistakenly, apparently to the ravages of old age and tinnitus. (clears throat, bats lashes, stares expectantly at Miss T)

I take it SB graced you with a visit?

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Hey now, this is Wonkett, not Words With Friends!
http://ingame.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/14/1040

starfanglednut February 14, 2012 at 10:45 pm

All the cool people have each other's email addresses, and now they're hooking up? I haz teh left outz.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Well, hell's bells, y'all need to up your game, then!

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I don't know how MittBorg could have gotten the idea that we just spent a totally amazing weekend together when we're just flirtacious fellow Wonkette commenters. And no one has ever hooked up through commenting on a website.
http://www.dailydot.com/society/phel-prison-wine-

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I know! The idea of you and I having just spent an incredible weekend together is crazytalk. Crazy I tell ya!

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

BTW – that story is all kinds of adorable. And eerily familiar.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:17 am

I know I haven't shared this with you two, but I met my current partner on the 'Net. Best thing I ever did.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

The weird thing is it just came up this morning, linked from the AV Club (for obvious reasons). That was eerie timing. Or, I mean, it would be, if what some people got the idea we did this weekend happened.

Designer_Rants February 14, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Quote of the Day:

“I got to the airport early because I was nervous. We’d sent each other pictures and talked and whatnot but there was still the lingering fear of ‘what if she has a dick?’”

MissTaken February 15, 2012 at 12:09 am

It's okay, SB is the only one with my email. Although I did have to fight off Barb and her uterus for him.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:19 am

Come sit with me, I got left out too. Those little scalawags went off and had them a great time and didn't even give us videos!

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:18 am

THAT good, huh? That makes me so fucking happy. (Hugs the girl) C'mere, Soros, you great ginger Bot. (Hugs the boy)

banana_bread February 16, 2012 at 12:26 am

I know I'm new around these parts but I wanted to say that since you're two of my favorite commenters, this is totally awesome. Mazel tov!

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:19 am

Watch out, that's one slippery Mookie.

starfanglednut February 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Thanks, MT. And watch out for women waving their uteruses (uteri?) in the air!

SorosBot February 15, 2012 at 12:42 am

Thanks, and hugs back.

MittBorg February 15, 2012 at 12:47 am

My dear, dear friends, I am so very happy for you both. For many reasons that I won't go into right now. Hugs all around. Aw, fuckit, group hug!

SorosBot February 16, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Aw thanks!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: