SUCK IT FRED THOMPSON  12:49 pm February 14, 2012

Mitt Romney Plans To Win Michigan By Driving A Car

by Jim Newell

Ahhh, so THIS is Mittens’ plan to win the state he very much needs to win, Michigan: Driving around in a motorcar, through the “real streets” where he proudly lived before decamping to the mansions of Belmont, Massachusetts. “This is personal,” he says about winning Michigan. And did you know that Detroit was in great shape before the Obama administration came to power? You learn a lot from serial liars.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 122 comments }

memzilla February 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

The only way Rmoney is gonna be a live President is to be throwing Dead Presidents out of his window as he drives through. The Poorz don't need no Grey Poupon.

Barb February 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I'd like to see his dog driving and Mitt on top of the car in a cage.

Chillwillard February 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

He would Romney his pants before the quarter mile marker.

proudgrampa February 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

No Romney!

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I really think that euphemism would be better with Mitt.

Thinking about it: "He totally mitt his pants. It was such a mittstorm."

Spurning Beer February 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Dude is a total mitt-for-brains.

AlterNewt February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Am I too late to wish you a continued recovery, and Happy Valentine's Day?

Barb February 14, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hey Sugar! I am taking a bite out of candies in a red heart shaped box and throwing them out, lol. How the hell did it make it down to nothing but shittified maple creams already?

Jeff is back at work today and I can't make it down the stairs to forage for food, lol.

Happy Valentine's Day to you, AlterNewt!

bagofmice February 15, 2012 at 3:35 am

So you already ate the cancer? http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl

Callyson February 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Then, for the piece de resistance, I'd like to see the dog hose Mittens down after he loses his shit on top of that car.

DerrickWildcat February 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Is this a super Tuesday or just an average Tuesday?

Tundra Grifter February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

There's only been one Super Tuesday – Ms. Weld.

Sparky MacGyver February 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

If the vote is between Romney, Santorum and Gingrich, it's definitely a below-average Tuesday.

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Deported from Detroit!

ChernobylSoup February 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm

To show how in touch he is with the average American, he's going to drive a Cadillac.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

If it's good enough for a Reagan welfare queen….

Tundra Grifter February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Probably not going to be a Gran Torino.

Too I-talian sounding…

Wilcoxyz February 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Did Michael Moore direct that, or was Mitt taking scenes from Roger and Me?

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

That shot of young Willard behind the wheel enabled me, for the first time, to actually relate to the guy – the first car I stole was also a '55 Chevy.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Darrell Issa, is that you?

Angry_Marmot February 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I think I was conceived in a '55 Chevy.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Oh shit. What state?

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:40 am

Inebriation, of course.

paris biltong February 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

When he drives through Grosse Pointe everyone will point out how gross this is.

SheriffRoscoe February 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Where's Seamus?

arihaya February 14, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Seamus is dead, Sheriff. Seamus is dead.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner February 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Whereever he's driving in the first scene, that ain't Michigan, at least not recently. Note the green deciduous trees.

anniegetyerfun February 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

So it's just like the J. Lo commercial where she drives around the Bronx, but it's actually LA and they Photoshopped her in.

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

“This is personal,”. Good, you pernicious jackhole, let's hope it hurts all the more when you lose. (Happy Valentines Day?)

owhatever February 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

And just what could this moron possibly say about the automobile industry recovery? So out of touch. "Say, Detroit, how about them Packers?"

tihond February 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He'll say this while wearing a Patrick Kane Sweater.

Biff February 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Mittens knows about fudge packers.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:41 am

You mean Packards, right?

Chillwillard February 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Mitt, you are gonna need an 18-wheeler to stop the Santorum cavalcade.

paris biltong February 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

With a snowplow.

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

It's amazing: they can shout a whole video in and around Detroit and not show one blah person. And, also, too, Detroit has been sliding for at least three decades and yet somehow it's Obama's fault.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Bailing out the auto industry absolutely destroyed Detroit and I'm glad we have Mittens to show us the error of our ways.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

The auto industry would be thriving today were it not for the bailout! Well the Japanese and Korean auto industries would be since they'd have less competition since all three big US automakers would no longer exist.

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm

At least they would be rid of that pesky U.A.W. once and for all.

ph7 February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Funny, no shots of him passing by the mosques of Dearborn, either.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

They must have got the same ad agency that did those "Imported from Detroit" Chrysler 300 ads without showing one bit of urban blight.

anniegetyerfun February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Why would you put blah people in this? It's not a hip-hop video!

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:41 am

Detroit's been sliding for at least six decades.

CapnFatback February 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

A Romney commercial about Detroit is the political ad equivalent of a Pat Boone cover of a Temptations song.

Biff February 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Oddly enough, he was a Chevrolet spokesman for a lot of years. I used to party with his two middle daughters before the whole damned clan went full re+ard, good times.

Goonemeritus February 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Well I’m sure that ad will make the good people of Detroit forget all about his earlier ad that made Detroit look like something out of Blade Runner.

Steverino247 February 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Robocops I, II and III were set in Detroit (but filmed in Houston for some reason, at least the first one was) and the city looked, well, like Detroit.

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm

i love that movie. we just rewatched it. so good.

UnionAgitator February 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

The way Mitt sees it, Detroit was exciting when he was the richest kid in town.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

William Clay Ford, Jr. would like to have a word with you…

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I haven't watched yet, so let me guess first—1959 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud II Convertible?

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

American Motors built all their cars in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Jackhole.

mrblifil February 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

The disturbing part was when he stopped to pick up Karen Santorum thumbing for a ride under the highway overpass.

anniegetyerfun February 14, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Did she mistake him for a passing humanist?

Goonemeritus February 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Maybe Eminem will do an ad for him; Mitt needs a smidge more street cred.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Well, I'm packin' up my game an' I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts an' fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills, chill like Flint
Buy an old drop top, find a spot to pimp

An' I'm a Kid Rom it up an' down your block
With a bottle of scotch an' watch lots of crotch
Buy yacht with a flag sayin' 'Chillin' the most'
Then rock that bitch up an' down the coast

Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix an' tossed out of bars
Zip to Tijuana, I wanna roam
Find Motown an' tell them fools to come back home

Start an escort service for all the right reasons
An' set up shop at the top of Four Seasons
Kid Rom an' I'm the 'Real McCoy'
An' I'm headin' out west, sucker because I wanna be a

President, baby
With the top let back an' the sunshine shinin'
President, baby
West coast chillin' with the Boone's Wine

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2012 at 12:02 am

Much more appropriate. Bob Ritchie, like Mitt Romney, is a suburban Michigan Fauntleroy.

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

What? No clips of him navigating the roads of France?!

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

There was footage, but somehow it all got destroyed just after the accident.

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"I remember growing up poor in Michigan. Daddy could barely make ends meet, but we were so poor we didn't notice. We were poor, the maid was poor, the butler was poor, the three cooks were poor. Heck, only the Union bosses got to eat meat!

lefty74 February 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

" I'm a Democrat! "
" May I ask the gentleman why he is a Democrat? "
" My grandfather was a Democrat; my father was a Democrat; and I am a Democrat. "
" My friend, suppose your grandfather had been a jackass, and your father was a jackass, what would you be? "
" A Republican! "

NorthStarSpanx February 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

The fundamentals of the American economy were strong before Obama put his hat in the ring. Damn that unaccomplished community organizer, he's sinking this ship and leading in the wrong direction all these three years and whatnot.

MoeDeLawn February 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Ya know, I have a question. Why the fuck is he running? What does he get out of it? He's obviously uncomfortable having to wear such casual clothes. He'd much rather be sitting in his office in a 3-pc suit, slamming 7-Ups and buying and selling and destroying people's lives. What makes Mitt run?.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Daddy issues.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:47 am

Yep. Just like Dubya. He's so obviously wanting to surpass a daddy who was always too busy for him, it's not even funny.

jus_wonderin February 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"What makes Mitt run?"

A compact flux capacitor?

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Narcissism.

CapnFatback February 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Spicy food?

Toomush_Infer February 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

With Replicants, it's ALL about Winning!….there is no What….

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm

An arc reactor?

DoktorThompson February 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

AA batteries

SexySmurf February 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Needs more Clint Eastwood…kicking the shit out of Mittens.

Lucidamente1 February 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Needs moar dog on car roof. Also, that photo of Mitt with daddy is from the '64 World's Fair in NY, so WTF?

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

George is pointing out the GM Futurama to Mitt in that picture.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Mitt, Clint Eastwood would like a word with you.

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

He should be forced to watch, Clockwork Orange style, We take care of our own.

BigDumbRedDog February 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This tone deaf horses ass is probably going to drive around in a Mercedes or BMW.

Preferred Customer February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Worse–a Chrysler. Fiat. Whatever. Anyway, it's the one built in Canada by the company that wouldn't exist but for Obama's bailout.

Hey, Romney, you fucktard, if you are going to slam the bailout, maybe you should, you know, drive a Ford in your Detroit Shame Tour?

Biff February 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

My Chrysler product was made in Mexico, Just like Mitten's daddy.

paris biltong February 14, 2012 at 1:05 pm

"When my dad was the governor, things were good. MC5, Barry Gordy and all that. Now things suck. Why? Obama!"

Preferred Customer February 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Oh, look, a recut of that video he posted last year. Funnily enough, he cut out the part about the auto bailouts not helping Detroit.

SexySmurf February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

But this time *looks into camera, takes off sunglasses* it's personal.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Is it halftime for the GOP primaries yet?

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Well, if the Monopoly Man wants to drive around Detroit, it better be in a '37 Bugatti like the real monopoly game.

edgydrifter February 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

…feeling strange and disheveled
past the abattoirs and the glory holes
like a film noire in the starring role
to the side streets
kept my nose clean
tasted beautiful
tasted obscene
singing Rom Rom Rom-Rom Rom-Rom-Rom…

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I think it was Steve Benen who pointed out to all these assclowns, (and that hack, Joe Doucheborough), that the America they all long for and want to "restore" and "take back", "real Murican values" and all that rot, (the mid 50's -mid 60's), had extremely librul fiscal policy, and the wealthy were taxed out the ass.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

There was a very nice bit about that in "Capitalism: a love story".

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 1:50 pm

And Americans had real manufacturing jobs.

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:49 am

Yeah, but the difference is that they weren't obligated to share it with, or interact in any meaningful way with, the Blahs, which is what they really want to overturn. What they really like about the time is the image; you know, when "people knew their place."

Mumbletypeg February 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

From the serial liar link:

Is Mitt Romney is a serial liar?…Yes, politicians might fudge a statistic

Some fudge the facts. But every fact Mitt the fudgepacker touches turns to fudge (or something resembling it).

FraAnima February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

This is the fucking fuck who said the auto industry should just go ahead and fail, and he has the fucking gall to say that Obama, who bailed out the auto industry, did nothing. What a fucking liar. Also too.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I bet George made Willard drive a Rambler Classic back in the day and Mitt thought he was real cool driving it.

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I'm thinking Pacer or Gremlin, since Dad was the head of AMC. Definitely NOT an AMX/Javelin. Maybe a Matador.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I think that Romney was out of the picture by the time they started making Javelins and Gremlins and such. My first car was a 1968 Javelin that I bought from a guy who grew up in Kenosha, he had put a bunch of AMX stuff on it like hi-performance gauges and fiberglass bumper and shit. It was a very cool car.

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Willard strikes me of more of an Ambassador driver.

PuckStopsHere February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I think what Mitt doesn't get is that for everybody involved in the auto industry in Detroit and in Michigan, this is personal too.

widestanceshakedown February 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This is because he's too afraid to get out of the car in Michigan.

And really, is he going to point at people on the street while saying, "It wasn't my idea for you to have a job."

John Birf Society February 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

If Mitt is the driver, the American people are Mary Jo Kopechne.

Preferred Customer February 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Mass Libel!

Blueb4sunrise February 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Exhausted66 February 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I like. how the. Mitt. audio. is spliced together. throughout. Press One. to lose. your home. state.

Angry_Marmot February 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I don't think it's spliced. I think he might really talk that way.

chascates February 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

What he means is his limo will be driving through Grosse Point to show his sons where their less affluent relatives live.

ChurchofRealism February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Haha, Lakeshore Drive is sooo declasse.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

No snark, I listened to that ad twice, and I have to believe Mittens isn't even trying anymore. The ad is totally incoherent, says nothing except that he lived there once upon a time, and oh, by the way, OBAMA! Even the brain-dead teatards have to take this as an insult to their "intelligence".

ManchuCandidate February 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

In Mitten's frittata robot mind, he believes that this will be inspiring like On the Road By Jack Kerouac instead it will be like National Lampoon's Vacation except worse as there is no Christie Brinkley and Wally World was closed down and bulldozed two years earlier by Bane Venture Capital.

Toomush_Infer February 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I'd love to take him on a drive through Michigan….'course, he'd have to ride shotgun and keep both barrels loaded..

Trannysurprise February 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

If it were up to Mittens, the Chrysler 300 he's actually driving in this video would never have been built. Asshole.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Sure it would have been… overseas…

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The dogs of Michigan must be scared as hell. Someone should contact the Humane Society.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I can't remember if anyone has posted a link yet, but here's what Mitt had to say in an Op-ed in today's Detroit News. To say he's doubling down on the NYT editorial is putting it mildly – he's going full wingnut. He seems to have calculated that he needs to win the primary in this state so badly he's prepared to write off Michigan in the general election altogether.
http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20120214/OPINI

Everyone in Michigan except the wingnuts who believe only what they want to believe recognizes every line of this as utter bullshit. The unions are the enemies, the unions cashed in…. Unbelievable. Without the unions bending over to the point of breaking – taking over the entire health care obligations of the big three (Ford included) in return for a pittance lump sum that doesn't come close to actuarially adequate. Not to mention the fact that if the company had gone into ordinary bankrupcy – and been torn apart of course – the pension obligations would end up on the books of — that's right, Mitt, the evil Federal government, who insures these things.

As it happens, my son is on a sports team with one of the very top executives of one of the big three. Suffice it to say you would recognize his name. No liberal he. But on the subject of unions – or at least the UAW – he has been very plain that without the UAW's cooperation and collaboration over the last ten years, none of the Detroit auto companies would exist, and he sees the UAW as a partner. (Not because of the shares, but because they all recognize they are in it together. The sight of the scaffold sharpening the mind, and all that.)

For f*ck's sake Mitt, this story is so obviously wet tissue-paper that it falls apart in the hands. If this was all an Obama gimmick to reward faithful contributors, then why did the most conservative Canadian government in 80 years* do exactly the same thing? Elections in Canada are not the orgies of cash that they are in the US (no Citizens united, public funding, etc.). And the Unions are politically tied to the NDP. In fact, the most Conservative government in 80 years actually held on to the shares they got, selling them slowly, so as not to depress the market, and get a better return. Something the American government would have done too if it didn't have a mob of Congressional lunatics and pathologically dishonest opportunists like you shouting "Socialist! Government Motors!" to every microphone within arms reach.

* i.e. since Borden.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Drive that shit over to a union factory, pussy.

Preferred Customer February 14, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Yes. Yes, plus about 20 million.

Maman February 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Well good luck with that plan, Mittens. I think Chrysler already told you what they think about you in that two minute Superbowl ad. Now get off the property. You don't live there anymore.

el_donaldo February 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Montgomery Burns: "Fill it up with petroleum distillate and revulcanize the tires, post-haste!"

Somehow that's the image that pops into my mind.

Steverino247 February 14, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Detroit's been in trouble since at least 1967. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1967_Detroit_riot

slowhansolo February 14, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I don't know about you guys, but this nomination process has been the most fun I've had in a long time. And yes, I realize that says much more about me than the contents of the clown car.

Pres.Beeblebrox February 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Um, is it me or does Mittens' voice sound like Microsoft Sam?

XOhioan February 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

After this video finished, one of the suggested YouTube videos has a freeze frame of a couple wearing Temple garments. Now I can't stop thinking of Mitt driving around in his holy underpants.

ttommyunger February 14, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Mittens, dad would be so proud of you, NOT!

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:55 am

Notice how he's in the car the entire time. I dare this bastard to go ring a door bell in Metro Detroit, whether it be the city, itself, or in his hometown of Bloomfield Hills, and see the reaction he gets.

You gave up on Michigan once to go make money. And, well, that can be forgiven since tons of people have done that in recent decades. You will not be forgiven for fucking us over the second time.

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