suck it fred thompson

Mitt Romney Plans To Win Michigan By Driving A Car

Ahhh, so THIS is Mittens’ plan to win the state he very much needs to win, Michigan: Driving around in a motorcar, through the “real streets” where he proudly lived before decamping to the mansions of Belmont, Massachusetts. “This is personal,” he says about winning Michigan. And did you know that Detroit was in great shape before the Obama administration came to power? You learn a lot from serial liars.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • memzilla

    The only way Rmoney is gonna be a live President is to be throwing Dead Presidents out of his window as he drives through. The Poorz don't need no Grey Poupon.

  • Barb

    I'd like to see his dog driving and Mitt on top of the car in a cage.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      He would Romney his pants before the quarter mile marker.

      • proudgrampa

        No Romney!

      • Fare la Volpe

        I really think that euphemism would be better with Mitt.

        Thinking about it: "He totally mitt his pants. It was such a mittstorm."

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Dude is a total mitt-for-brains.

    • AlterNewt

      Am I too late to wish you a continued recovery, and Happy Valentine's Day?

      • Barb

        Hey Sugar! I am taking a bite out of candies in a red heart shaped box and throwing them out, lol. How the hell did it make it down to nothing but shittified maple creams already?

        Jeff is back at work today and I can't make it down the stairs to forage for food, lol.

        Happy Valentine's Day to you, AlterNewt!

    • Callyson

      Then, for the piece de resistance, I'd like to see the dog hose Mittens down after he loses his shit on top of that car.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Is this a super Tuesday or just an average Tuesday?

    • Tundra Grifter

      There's only been one Super Tuesday – Ms. Weld.

    • Sparky MacGyver

      If the vote is between Romney, Santorum and Gingrich, it's definitely a below-average Tuesday.

  • Radiotherapy

    Deported from Detroit!

  • ChernobylSoup

    To show how in touch he is with the average American, he's going to drive a Cadillac.

    • chicken_thief

      If it's good enough for a Reagan welfare queen….

    • Tundra Grifter

      Probably not going to be a Gran Torino.

      Too I-talian sounding…

  • Wilcoxyz

    Did Michael Moore direct that, or was Mitt taking scenes from Roger and Me?

  • chicken_thief

    That shot of young Willard behind the wheel enabled me, for the first time, to actually relate to the guy – the first car I stole was also a '55 Chevy.

    • flamingpdog

      Darrell Issa, is that you?

    • Angry_Marmot

      I think I was conceived in a '55 Chevy.

      • chicken_thief

        Oh shit. What state?

        • Negropolis

          Inebriation, of course.

  • paris biltong

    When he drives through Grosse Pointe everyone will point out how gross this is.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Where's Seamus?

    • arihaya

      Seamus is dead, Sheriff. Seamus is dead.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Whereever he's driving in the first scene, that ain't Michigan, at least not recently. Note the green deciduous trees.

    • anniegetyerfun

      So it's just like the J. Lo commercial where she drives around the Bronx, but it's actually LA and they Photoshopped her in.

  • freakishlywrong

    “This is personal,”. Good, you pernicious jackhole, let's hope it hurts all the more when you lose. (Happy Valentines Day?)

  • owhatever

    And just what could this moron possibly say about the automobile industry recovery? So out of touch. "Say, Detroit, how about them Packers?"

    • tihond

      He'll say this while wearing a Patrick Kane Sweater.

    • Biff

      Mittens knows about fudge packers.

    • Negropolis

      You mean Packards, right?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Mitt, you are gonna need an 18-wheeler to stop the Santorum cavalcade.

    • paris biltong

      With a snowplow.

  • Radiotherapy

    It's amazing: they can shout a whole video in and around Detroit and not show one blah person. And, also, too, Detroit has been sliding for at least three decades and yet somehow it's Obama's fault.

    • MissTaken

      Bailing out the auto industry absolutely destroyed Detroit and I'm glad we have Mittens to show us the error of our ways.

      • SorosBot

        The auto industry would be thriving today were it not for the bailout! Well the Japanese and Korean auto industries would be since they'd have less competition since all three big US automakers would no longer exist.

        • GOPCrusher

          At least they would be rid of that pesky U.A.W. once and for all.

    • ph7

      Funny, no shots of him passing by the mosques of Dearborn, either.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      They must have got the same ad agency that did those "Imported from Detroit" Chrysler 300 ads without showing one bit of urban blight.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Why would you put blah people in this? It's not a hip-hop video!

    • Negropolis

      Detroit's been sliding for at least six decades.

  • CapnFatback

    A Romney commercial about Detroit is the political ad equivalent of a Pat Boone cover of a Temptations song.

    • Biff

      Oddly enough, he was a Chevrolet spokesman for a lot of years. I used to party with his two middle daughters before the whole damned clan went full re+ard, good times.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I’m sure that ad will make the good people of Detroit forget all about his earlier ad that made Detroit look like something out of Blade Runner.

    • Steverino247

      Robocops I, II and III were set in Detroit (but filmed in Houston for some reason, at least the first one was) and the city looked, well, like Detroit.

    • fuflans

      i love that movie. we just rewatched it. so good.

  • http://lovematters-manabouttown.blogspot.com/ UnionAgitator

    The way Mitt sees it, Detroit was exciting when he was the richest kid in town.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      William Clay Ford, Jr. would like to have a word with you…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I haven't watched yet, so let me guess first—1959 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud II Convertible?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    American Motors built all their cars in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Jackhole.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    The disturbing part was when he stopped to pick up Karen Santorum thumbing for a ride under the highway overpass.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Did she mistake him for a passing humanist?

  • Goonemeritus

    Maybe Eminem will do an ad for him; Mitt needs a smidge more street cred.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, I'm packin' up my game an' I'm a head out west
      Where real women come equipped with scripts an' fake breasts
      Find a nest in the hills, chill like Flint
      Buy an old drop top, find a spot to pimp

      An' I'm a Kid Rom it up an' down your block
      With a bottle of scotch an' watch lots of crotch
      Buy yacht with a flag sayin' 'Chillin' the most'
      Then rock that bitch up an' down the coast

      Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
      Get thrown in the mix an' tossed out of bars
      Zip to Tijuana, I wanna roam
      Find Motown an' tell them fools to come back home

      Start an escort service for all the right reasons
      An' set up shop at the top of Four Seasons
      Kid Rom an' I'm the 'Real McCoy'
      An' I'm headin' out west, sucker because I wanna be a

      President, baby
      With the top let back an' the sunshine shinin'
      President, baby
      West coast chillin' with the Boone's Wine

      • horsedreamer_1

        Much more appropriate. Bob Ritchie, like Mitt Romney, is a suburban Michigan Fauntleroy.

  • chicken_thief

    What? No clips of him navigating the roads of France?!

    • Chichikovovich

      There was footage, but somehow it all got destroyed just after the accident.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "I remember growing up poor in Michigan. Daddy could barely make ends meet, but we were so poor we didn't notice. We were poor, the maid was poor, the butler was poor, the three cooks were poor. Heck, only the Union bosses got to eat meat!

  • lefty74

    " I'm a Democrat! "
    " May I ask the gentleman why he is a Democrat? "
    " My grandfather was a Democrat; my father was a Democrat; and I am a Democrat. "
    " My friend, suppose your grandfather had been a jackass, and your father was a jackass, what would you be? "
    " A Republican! "

  • NorthStarSpanx

    The fundamentals of the American economy were strong before Obama put his hat in the ring. Damn that unaccomplished community organizer, he's sinking this ship and leading in the wrong direction all these three years and whatnot.

  • MoeDeLawn

    Ya know, I have a question. Why the fuck is he running? What does he get out of it? He's obviously uncomfortable having to wear such casual clothes. He'd much rather be sitting in his office in a 3-pc suit, slamming 7-Ups and buying and selling and destroying people's lives. What makes Mitt run?.

    • SorosBot

      Daddy issues.

      • Negropolis

        Yep. Just like Dubya. He's so obviously wanting to surpass a daddy who was always too busy for him, it's not even funny.

    • jus_wonderin

      "What makes Mitt run?"

      A compact flux capacitor?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Narcissism.

    • CapnFatback

      Spicy food?

    • Toomush_Infer

      With Replicants, it's ALL about Winning!….there is no What….

    • GOPCrusher

      An arc reactor?

    • DoktorThompson

      AA batteries

  • SexySmurf

    Needs more Clint Eastwood…kicking the shit out of Mittens.

  • Lucidamente1

    Needs moar dog on car roof. Also, that photo of Mitt with daddy is from the '64 World's Fair in NY, so WTF?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      George is pointing out the GM Futurama to Mitt in that picture.

  • SorosBot

    Mitt, Clint Eastwood would like a word with you.

    • freakishlywrong

      He should be forced to watch, Clockwork Orange style, We take care of our own.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    This tone deaf horses ass is probably going to drive around in a Mercedes or BMW.

    • Preferred Customer

      Worse–a Chrysler. Fiat. Whatever. Anyway, it's the one built in Canada by the company that wouldn't exist but for Obama's bailout.

      Hey, Romney, you fucktard, if you are going to slam the bailout, maybe you should, you know, drive a Ford in your Detroit Shame Tour?

      • Biff

        My Chrysler product was made in Mexico, Just like Mitten's daddy.

  • paris biltong

    "When my dad was the governor, things were good. MC5, Barry Gordy and all that. Now things suck. Why? Obama!"

  • Preferred Customer

    Oh, look, a recut of that video he posted last year. Funnily enough, he cut out the part about the auto bailouts not helping Detroit.

    • SexySmurf

      But this time *looks into camera, takes off sunglasses* it's personal.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!

  • MissTaken

    Is it halftime for the GOP primaries yet?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, if the Monopoly Man wants to drive around Detroit, it better be in a '37 Bugatti like the real monopoly game.

  • edgydrifter

    …feeling strange and disheveled
    past the abattoirs and the glory holes
    like a film noire in the starring role
    to the side streets
    kept my nose clean
    tasted beautiful
    tasted obscene
    singing Rom Rom Rom-Rom Rom-Rom-Rom…

  • freakishlywrong

    I think it was Steve Benen who pointed out to all these assclowns, (and that hack, Joe Doucheborough), that the America they all long for and want to "restore" and "take back", "real Murican values" and all that rot, (the mid 50's -mid 60's), had extremely librul fiscal policy, and the wealthy were taxed out the ass.

    • ThundercatHo

      There was a very nice bit about that in "Capitalism: a love story".

    • GOPCrusher

      And Americans had real manufacturing jobs.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but the difference is that they weren't obligated to share it with, or interact in any meaningful way with, the Blahs, which is what they really want to overturn. What they really like about the time is the image; you know, when "people knew their place."

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    From the serial liar link:

    Is Mitt Romney is a serial liar?…Yes, politicians might fudge a statistic

    Some fudge the facts. But every fact Mitt the fudgepacker touches turns to fudge (or something resembling it).

  • FraAnima

    This is the fucking fuck who said the auto industry should just go ahead and fail, and he has the fucking gall to say that Obama, who bailed out the auto industry, did nothing. What a fucking liar. Also too.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet George made Willard drive a Rambler Classic back in the day and Mitt thought he was real cool driving it.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      I'm thinking Pacer or Gremlin, since Dad was the head of AMC. Definitely NOT an AMX/Javelin. Maybe a Matador.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I think that Romney was out of the picture by the time they started making Javelins and Gremlins and such. My first car was a 1968 Javelin that I bought from a guy who grew up in Kenosha, he had put a bunch of AMX stuff on it like hi-performance gauges and fiberglass bumper and shit. It was a very cool car.

    • GOPCrusher

      Willard strikes me of more of an Ambassador driver.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I think what Mitt doesn't get is that for everybody involved in the auto industry in Detroit and in Michigan, this is personal too.

  • widestanceshakedown

    This is because he's too afraid to get out of the car in Michigan.

    And really, is he going to point at people on the street while saying, "It wasn't my idea for you to have a job."

  • http://www.wonkette.com John Birf Society

    If Mitt is the driver, the American people are Mary Jo Kopechne.

    • Preferred Customer

      Mass Libel!

  • Blueb4sunrise
  • Exhausted66

    I like. how the. Mitt. audio. is spliced together. throughout. Press One. to lose. your home. state.

  • chascates

    What he means is his limo will be driving through Grosse Point to show his sons where their less affluent relatives live.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      Haha, Lakeshore Drive is sooo declasse.

  • flamingpdog

    No snark, I listened to that ad twice, and I have to believe Mittens isn't even trying anymore. The ad is totally incoherent, says nothing except that he lived there once upon a time, and oh, by the way, OBAMA! Even the brain-dead teatards have to take this as an insult to their "intelligence".

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    In Mitten's frittata robot mind, he believes that this will be inspiring like On the Road By Jack Kerouac instead it will be like National Lampoon's Vacation except worse as there is no Christie Brinkley and Wally World was closed down and bulldozed two years earlier by Bane Venture Capital.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I'd love to take him on a drive through Michigan….'course, he'd have to ride shotgun and keep both barrels loaded..

  • Trannysurprise

    If it were up to Mittens, the Chrysler 300 he's actually driving in this video would never have been built. Asshole.

    • DaRooster

      Sure it would have been… overseas…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The dogs of Michigan must be scared as hell. Someone should contact the Humane Society.

  • Chichikovovich

    I can't remember if anyone has posted a link yet, but here's what Mitt had to say in an Op-ed in today's Detroit News. To say he's doubling down on the NYT editorial is putting it mildly – he's going full wingnut. He seems to have calculated that he needs to win the primary in this state so badly he's prepared to write off Michigan in the general election altogether.
    http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20120214/OPINI

    Everyone in Michigan except the wingnuts who believe only what they want to believe recognizes every line of this as utter bullshit. The unions are the enemies, the unions cashed in…. Unbelievable. Without the unions bending over to the point of breaking – taking over the entire health care obligations of the big three (Ford included) in return for a pittance lump sum that doesn't come close to actuarially adequate. Not to mention the fact that if the company had gone into ordinary bankrupcy – and been torn apart of course – the pension obligations would end up on the books of — that's right, Mitt, the evil Federal government, who insures these things.

    As it happens, my son is on a sports team with one of the very top executives of one of the big three. Suffice it to say you would recognize his name. No liberal he. But on the subject of unions – or at least the UAW – he has been very plain that without the UAW's cooperation and collaboration over the last ten years, none of the Detroit auto companies would exist, and he sees the UAW as a partner. (Not because of the shares, but because they all recognize they are in it together. The sight of the scaffold sharpening the mind, and all that.)

    For f*ck's sake Mitt, this story is so obviously wet tissue-paper that it falls apart in the hands. If this was all an Obama gimmick to reward faithful contributors, then why did the most conservative Canadian government in 80 years* do exactly the same thing? Elections in Canada are not the orgies of cash that they are in the US (no Citizens united, public funding, etc.). And the Unions are politically tied to the NDP. In fact, the most Conservative government in 80 years actually held on to the shares they got, selling them slowly, so as not to depress the market, and get a better return. Something the American government would have done too if it didn't have a mob of Congressional lunatics and pathologically dishonest opportunists like you shouting "Socialist! Government Motors!" to every microphone within arms reach.

    * i.e. since Borden.

  • ThundercatHo

    Drive that shit over to a union factory, pussy.

  • Preferred Customer

    Yes. Yes, plus about 20 million.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Well good luck with that plan, Mittens. I think Chrysler already told you what they think about you in that two minute Superbowl ad. Now get off the property. You don't live there anymore.

  • el_donaldo

    Montgomery Burns: "Fill it up with petroleum distillate and revulcanize the tires, post-haste!"

    Somehow that's the image that pops into my mind.

  • Steverino247

    Detroit's been in trouble since at least 1967. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1967_Detroit_riot

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I don't know about you guys, but this nomination process has been the most fun I've had in a long time. And yes, I realize that says much more about me than the contents of the clown car.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Um, is it me or does Mittens' voice sound like Microsoft Sam?

  • XOhioan

    After this video finished, one of the suggested YouTube videos has a freeze frame of a couple wearing Temple garments. Now I can't stop thinking of Mitt driving around in his holy underpants.

  • ttommyunger

    Mittens, dad would be so proud of you, NOT!

  • Negropolis

    Notice how he's in the car the entire time. I dare this bastard to go ring a door bell in Metro Detroit, whether it be the city, itself, or in his hometown of Bloomfield Hills, and see the reaction he gets.

    You gave up on Michigan once to go make money. And, well, that can be forgiven since tons of people have done that in recent decades. You will not be forgiven for fucking us over the second time.