And this is just how he behaves in a televised interview.

Oh good, the Family Values club of GOP politicians can finally add another tally mark to the heterosexual column on their crowded “hookers ‘n coke scandal” scorecard! It’s a lonely column, that one. What a marvelous lede has: “Bible toting Clermont County politician Archie Wilson surfaced from drug treatment Tuesday to answer charges he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel.” Sexy!

He showed up in court today to deny all of it:

Wilson’s troubles began in June when a female inmate at the Clermont County jail, Amanda Lay, saw Wilson’s photo in a newspaper and asked to speak with a detective. She told investigators that Wilson, over a period of several weeks, had paid to have sex with her in Erlanger motels and that he had provided her with cocaine and pills, according to court records.

Lay, locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property, introduced authorities to a second woman who claimed she also had “performed services” for Wilson in exchange for cash and prescriptions. While authorities have not released the name of the second woman, they said she told them she would “engage in shows or sexual encounters” for Wilson, whom she first met at the Venus club four years ago.

We smell a congressional run! [; thanks to Wonkette operative “Scott H.”]

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  • chascates

    Good thing these kooks believe in a forgiving deity. Just a quick repentance and it's back to business.

    • Jesus will forgive him, for a cut of the coke.

    • BarryOPotter

      As Archie explained it to me, "Look, son, God doesn't care whatin' you do with yer wanger, he cares about your soul. And subjugatin' women 'n coloreds. Yeah, we have subjugate the women and coloreds to save 'em. Bible says so…"

    • Rehabracadabra.

    • Guppy

      "Forgiveness for us, wrath for everyone else."

  • the safe word is "fumigation"

  • randoracer

    Wait — he was interested in women of the female variety?


      • Terry

        And of legal age, too.

    • HipHop0Potamus

      I know; I'm worried about the Beaver.

    • Guppy

      He was coked out of his mind at the time.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Say what you want about "family values" politicians, but they know how to party.

    • Loaded_Pants

      But it's best to leave before the self-flagellation begins.

  • DaRooster

    Amanda Lay
    Best prostitute name ever… better for a rent boy though.

    • flamingpdog

      I'd do her. With three industrial strength condoms. And a 14-pack of Lysol from Costco.

    • Callyson

      If that's her real name–WTF were her parents thinking?!?

      • Veritas78

        Planning ahead?

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      Wilson: "I'm looking for a man to lay."
      Madam: "Well, sir, it's your lucky day! Let me get her for you!"
      Wilson: "…"

    • Swampgas_Man

      "And the dawn comes up like THUND-EE-EEERRR
      On the Ho, Amanda Lay!"

  • orygoon

    I'm going to go into the Bible-printing business, and cut them to be shaped like fig leaves.

    • MadBrahms

      Just hollow them out and include lube.

    • Just don't put pink covers on them and give a cut of the sales price to Komen for the Kure.

  • Which is more reliable, the word of a substance abuser who exchanges sex for drugs, or a politician?
    Tough call.

  • Bedbugruary!

    • boobookitteh


      • I covered that in my next post. :-)

        • boobookitteh

          "Booboo cannot fucking comment on the page and refresh the page at the same time!"

          -Giselle Bundchen

  • el_donaldo

    "Bible toting" and "bed bug infested" in the same sentence!

    GOPers are good for displays of linguistic ingenuity. And really foul mental images.

    • chascates

      Bible infested!

  • memzilla

    Newt has a running mate!

  • DaRooster

    Bible thumper thumps more than the bible?

    Shyeah… as if.

  • Wilcoxyz

    At least he didn't compromise anyone's religious liberty by providing birth control pills. Just Oxycodone.

  • All this coke and hookers and bedbuggery, no, that's not what's up…he was just, um, heading up a task, um, force probing looking into the bedbug crisis in Clermount County before tourist season opened!

    • DaRooster

      I thought it was Duck Season?

      • EatsBabyDingos

        Wabbit Season!

      • Wabbit season!

        • flamingpdog

          Duck season!

    • Shellwith2Ls

      He's a job creator!

  • MissTaken

    he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel

    Understandable because to have sex at a non-bed bug infested motel in this economy requires expensive baubles from the Tiffany catalog.

    • You'd be surprised how far paste jewelry can get you in this economy.

      • You'd be surprised at how far eatin' paste can get you in this economy.

    • DaRooster

      He's out to prove he is (as Mitt would say), "Just a normal hard working guy… not an elitist."

      • My gawrsh! That's uniquely American!

        • THREE jerbz!

        • Negropolis

          Exceptionally so, even.

  • "Amanda Lay. I'm looking for Amanda Lay. Is there Amanda Lay here?

    • DaRooster

      Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?

    • MoeDeLawn

      I used to work for a guy named Art Amandalay….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe this guy should join the Army.

  • edgydrifter

    Just polling his constituents, nothing to see here.

  • BlackRhino

    Good grief, and I give them flowers. I should have known the powdery white stuff was the ticket. Damn GOP politicians’ always have the inside track.

    • No *wonder* your species is going extinct!

      • BlackRhino

        It’s not because I’m not horny

        Yuk, yuk, yuk..

  • You know who else traded coke for hookers and bedbugs?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Tony Montana?

    • DaRooster


    • BlackRhino


    • SayItWithWookies

      Rick Warren? (Oh, just you wait).

    • GOPCrusher

      Rick James?

    • chicken_thief

      That polar bear in the commercials?

    • HelmutNewton

      Charlie Sheen?

    • The answer I was looking for was "Dr. Gregory House"

  • If she was using any kind of contraception during their encounters, she could be in big trouble.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey, the Bible is full of sex and drugs, so he was just being very observant.

    Not to mention that paying for sex shows he is a good free market Conservative. Let the market decide! Why is it that Socialist always want to prevent the market from working?

    • el_donaldo

      But is the Bible full of sex and bugs?

      • MosesInvests

        See Exodus-Plague number three and number eight.

      • Also: rock and roll.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Hosea 3:1-2:
      The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."
      So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.

      Jews love raisin cakes.

  • MissTaken

    OH! So that's how you use the ThighMaster. Thanks Archie!

  • Barb

    God love the bible thumpers. Who else is going to keep the girls off the poles and the boys off the pipe?

    • SorosBot

      Um I think these girls were on the pole.

  • BornInATrailer

    Well maybe if Edith would wear something other than that house dress all the time he wouldn't be stepping out for hookers n' blow.

  • Who speaks for the bed bugs in all this? Some politician comes into their home creating the beast with two backs and they are utterly powerless. #OccupyBedSheets.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "traded drugs for sex"=Ugliest gigolo ever.

    • When you're stoned enough …

  • US America… sometimes a guy condemning fucking and coke snorting is a mental twerp who hates others who fuck and snort coke, but really really really wants to.

  • ElPinche

    That filthy teabagging freak needs to behave himself, behave himself, and stop raping hookers.

    • Don't you hate these chickenhawks who think they served in FOX News' version of the army?

  • Somehow, I'd expect an encounter with Amanda Lay to take place at the Mandalay in Vegas. Just sayin'

  • Generation[redacted]

    Worst of all, those bed bugs were under age!

    • Hope he brought them home and gave them a decent place to stay

  • edgydrifter

    The cops caught him in the hotel room paying the hookers with oxycodone, but he claims total innocence because… uh… he was FRAMED! Yeah, he was framed. Plus, you know, Jesus and stuff, so case dismissed.

    • MissTaken

      Ah yes, the good ole "Bitch set me up" defense.

      • SorosBot

        Bitches always are setting their clients; they just force the guys to show up at the hotel with the drugs and money, against their will.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has an interesting new recruiting strategy for conservatives. “Conservatives are simply more fun than liberals."

    Guess Mitch was right after all.

  • Radiotherapy

    Happy Valentine's Day!

  • Yay, it's Cockuary!

    • Or Fibruary.

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        Or Flabruary.

  • freakishlywrong

    What does hypocrisy reek of? And what ever that is, it's wafting off this post and making me want to gulp, nee' quaff my wine. These people.

    • MissTaken

      I'm definitely noticing a mix of sulfur and ben-gay wafting around thanks to the hypocrisy.

  • A long time ago, you had to swear on a Bible. You had to say something like. I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. You had to say this with one hand on the Bible and you had to wave at the judge with the other. Back then, if you did this, it made it physically impossible to lie. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't lie. This is why I think this guy is probably innocent. You simply can not do bad things if you are carrying a Bible around.

  • freakishlywrong

    Per that pic, he has a uuuuuge stance.

  • IncenseDebate

    You know who else loved prostitutes?

    • MissTaken


      • Right, but that guy loves everybody. The harlot.

      • Guppy

        No no, the other kind of "love."

      • Negropolis

        Okay, you win the internet for today, missy.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That guy in the Bible?

    • chicken_thief

      Soldiers? But they don't pay up. And, well, the hookers were in close contact and asking for it…

      • meatlofer

        Jimmy Swaggert?

    • Her pimp?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Not Russell Jones.

    • Uh, me.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property

    Did the reporter take Run-On Sentences 101 at the Mississippi English Language Conservatory?

  • SorosBot

    It's a Valentine's Day miracle!

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's too bad The Man just persecutes people relentlessly for having standards so high that even they can't meet them. Okay, maybe "not doing coke and oxy and fucking prostitutes" doesn't sound like much of a standard to you, but you have to look at the big picture — his weed dealer and his mistress were both real jerks.

  • GOPCrusher

    What is most amazing is after all these years, these people still seem to think that they will be the one that doesn't get caught.

  • One demerit for having a heterosexual prostitutes-and-drugs scandal, but he regains a few Scandal Bux for at least being involved with a lady hilariously named "Amanda Lay."

  • owhatever

    Another scalp for the War on Religion.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Blame the culture war on his demise. Watch.

  • mavenmaven

    He and his kind is clearly responsible for all the sexual shenanigans at CPAC.

  • fuflans

    We smell a congressional run


  • HelmutNewton

    Bed bugs are people too, my friend!

  • James Michael Curley

    Is that him in the picture? With him is that "Roscoe the Bedbug Sniffing Dog"? Or is that just a New Jersey thing?

  • I smell a hella lot more. Geez, Republicans, could y'all just give up on everybody else's sex lives already, cos man, y'all are REALLY into doing this shit and should spend all your fuckin' time and energy GOING for it. Dumb mothafuckin' busybody assholes.

  • They did the bedbugs a disservice by lumping them in with this cockroach.

  • Steverino247

    Bullshit is a helluva drug.

  • MadBrahms

    Buying drugs / paying sex workers = supporting working Americans. (And it's tax free, too! Take that, IRS / Fed / Socialism)

  • WhatTheHeck

    The poor guy just wanted to plant his seed and not spill it on the ground. And god or satan provided the means.

  • Tommy1733

    Behave yourself! Behave yourself! Behave yourself! Behave yourself!

  • brown_recluse

    You know when you're a godless liberal when the only part of "he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel" are the bedbugs.

  • Schmegeg

    Let the market determine the value of these characters. One vote for the bugs.

  • DahBoner


    That's why Black people can't own cats…

  • Precisely who was it who determined the hotel was "bed-bug infested"? The hooker, the police, the politician … or did already know?

    • Negropolis

      When someone has bedbugs or even just had them, everyone ends up knowing. There is little more that causes such hysteria in the nation, at the moment, not even turrists.

  • rickmaci

    Sorry but I'm not buying the whole "she" thing here. "Amanda Lay" sounds too much like a tranny hooker name.

  • comrad_darkness

    She was named after Amanda Hugenkiss, who works on radio shows for NPR

  • elburritodeluxe

    They say that the Tea Party – Occupy Wall Street groups can't be brought together, but I think we can both agree that drugs and illicit sex are awesome.

  • horsedreamer_1

    He got in trouble for being in his neighbor's wife in Covington.

  • ttommyunger

    Alt. Caption: "So, Archie, how do you feel about fat chicks?"

  • Negropolis

    Bedbugs, coke, sex and A-man-to-lay (Amanda Lay)? I'm nearly short-circuiting over the ridiculously inherent, built-in snark in all of this.

  • PuglyDoRight

    Clermont County is the Alabama of Cincinnati.

  • DaRooster

    Screwing Amanda Lay is safer than screwing Amanda Lynn… those strings ya know.

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