REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  1:58 pm February 14, 2012

Bible-Loving Ohio Teabagger Also Really Loves Prostitutes, Drugs

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

And this is just how he behaves in a televised interview.

Oh good, the Family Values club of GOP politicians can finally add another tally mark to the heterosexual column on their crowded “hookers ‘n coke scandal” scorecard! It’s a lonely column, that one. What a marvelous lede Cincinnati.com has: “Bible toting Clermont County politician Archie Wilson surfaced from drug treatment Tuesday to answer charges he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel.” Sexy!

He showed up in court today to deny all of it:

Wilson’s troubles began in June when a female inmate at the Clermont County jail, Amanda Lay, saw Wilson’s photo in a newspaper and asked to speak with a detective. She told investigators that Wilson, over a period of several weeks, had paid to have sex with her in Erlanger motels and that he had provided her with cocaine and pills, according to court records.

Lay, locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property, introduced authorities to a second woman who claimed she also had “performed services” for Wilson in exchange for cash and prescriptions. While authorities have not released the name of the second woman, they said she told them she would “engage in shows or sexual encounters” for Wilson, whom she first met at the Venus club four years ago.

We smell a congressional run! [Cincinnati.com; thanks to Wonkette operative "Scott H."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 140 comments }

chascates February 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Good thing these kooks believe in a forgiving deity. Just a quick repentance and it's back to business.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Jesus will forgive him, for a cut of the coke.

BarryOPotter February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

As Archie explained it to me, "Look, son, God doesn't care whatin' you do with yer wanger, he cares about your soul. And subjugatin' women 'n coloreds. Yeah, we have subjugate the women and coloreds to save 'em. Bible says so…"

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Rehabracadabra.

Guppy February 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

"Forgiveness for us, wrath for everyone else."

Gratuitous World February 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

the safe word is "fumigation"

randoracer February 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Wait — he was interested in women of the female variety?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Really….*YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN*

Terry February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

And of legal age, too.

HipHop0Potamus February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I know; I'm worried about the Beaver.

Guppy February 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

He was coked out of his mind at the time.

MittsHairHelmet February 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Say what you want about "family values" politicians, but they know how to party.

Loaded_Pants February 14, 2012 at 5:51 pm

But it's best to leave before the self-flagellation begins.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Amanda Lay
Best prostitute name ever… better for a rent boy though.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I'd do her. With three industrial strength condoms. And a 14-pack of Lysol from Costco.

Callyson February 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

If that's her real name–WTF were her parents thinking?!?

Veritas78 February 14, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Planning ahead?

40 or 50 % McShineys February 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Wilson: "I'm looking for a man to lay."
Madam: "Well, sir, it's your lucky day! Let me get her for you!"
Wilson: "…"

Swampgas_Man February 14, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"And the dawn comes up like THUND-EE-EEERRR
On the Ho, Amanda Lay!"

orygoon February 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I'm going to go into the Bible-printing business, and cut them to be shaped like fig leaves.

MadBrahms February 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Just hollow them out and include lube.

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Just don't put pink covers on them and give a cut of the sales price to Komen for the Kure.

Madfall February 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Which is more reliable, the word of a substance abuser who exchanges sex for drugs, or a politician?
Tough call.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Bedbugruary!

boobookitteh February 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Bedbuggery?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I covered that in my next post. :-)

boobookitteh February 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"Booboo cannot fucking comment on the page and refresh the page at the same time!"

-Giselle Bundchen

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Wish I could double-p that one.

el_donaldo February 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

"Bible toting" and "bed bug infested" in the same sentence!

GOPers are good for displays of linguistic ingenuity. And really foul mental images.

chascates February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Bible infested!

el_donaldo February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Gross.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Bed bug toting!

memzilla February 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Newt has a running mate!

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Bible thumper thumps more than the bible?

Shyeah… as if.

Wilcoxyz February 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

At least he didn't compromise anyone's religious liberty by providing birth control pills. Just Oxycodone.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm

All this coke and hookers and bedbuggery, no, that's not what's up…he was just, um, heading up a task, um, force probing looking into the bedbug crisis in Clermount County before tourist season opened!

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I thought it was Duck Season?

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Wabbit Season!

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Wabbit season!

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Duck season!

Shellwith2Ls February 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He's a job creator!

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm

he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel

Understandable because to have sex at a non-bed bug infested motel in this economy requires expensive baubles from the Tiffany catalog.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm

You'd be surprised how far paste jewelry can get you in this economy.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

You'd be surprised at how far eatin' paste can get you in this economy.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

He's out to prove he is (as Mitt would say), "Just a normal hard working guy… not an elitist."

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

My gawrsh! That's uniquely American!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

THREE jerbz!

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:12 am

Exceptionally so, even.

JustPixelz February 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm

"Amanda Lay. I'm looking for Amanda Lay. Is there Amanda Lay here?

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?

MoeDeLawn February 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I used to work for a guy named Art Amandalay….

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Maybe this guy should join the Army.

edgydrifter February 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Just polling his constituents, nothing to see here.

BlackRhino February 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Good grief, and I give them flowers. I should have known the powdery white stuff was the ticket. Damn GOP politicians’ always have the inside track.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

No *wonder* your species is going extinct!

BlackRhino February 15, 2012 at 12:14 am

It’s not because I’m not horny

Yuk, yuk, yuk..

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

You know who else traded coke for hookers and bedbugs?

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Tony Montana?

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Jesus?

BlackRhino February 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Caligula?

SayItWithWookies February 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Rick Warren? (Oh, just you wait).

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Rick James?

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

That polar bear in the commercials?

HelmutNewton February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Charlie Sheen?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

The answer I was looking for was "Dr. Gregory House"

JustPixelz February 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

If she was using any kind of contraception during their encounters, she could be in big trouble.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Hey, the Bible is full of sex and drugs, so he was just being very observant.

Not to mention that paying for sex shows he is a good free market Conservative. Let the market decide! Why is it that Socialist always want to prevent the market from working?

el_donaldo February 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

But is the Bible full of sex and bugs?

MosesInvests February 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

See Exodus-Plague number three and number eight.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Also: rock and roll.

NYNYNYjr February 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Hosea 3:1-2:
The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."
So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.

Jews love raisin cakes.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

OH! So that's how you use the ThighMaster. Thanks Archie!

Barb February 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

God love the bible thumpers. Who else is going to keep the girls off the poles and the boys off the pipe?

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Um I think these girls were on the pole.

BornInATrailer February 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Well maybe if Edith would wear something other than that house dress all the time he wouldn't be stepping out for hookers n' blow.

JustPixelz February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Who speaks for the bed bugs in all this? Some politician comes into their home creating the beast with two backs and they are utterly powerless. #OccupyBedSheets.

EatsBabyDingos February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"traded drugs for sex"=Ugliest gigolo ever.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

When you're stoned enough …

ManchuCandidate February 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

US America… sometimes a guy condemning fucking and coke snorting is a mental twerp who hates others who fuck and snort coke, but really really really wants to.

ElPinche February 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That filthy teabagging freak needs to behave himself, behave himself, and stop raping hookers.

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Don't you hate these chickenhawks who think they served in FOX News' version of the army?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Somehow, I'd expect an encounter with Amanda Lay to take place at the Mandalay in Vegas. Just sayin'

Generation[redacted] February 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Worst of all, those bed bugs were under age!

Maman February 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Hope he brought them home and gave them a decent place to stay

edgydrifter February 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

The cops caught him in the hotel room paying the hookers with oxycodone, but he claims total innocence because… uh… he was FRAMED! Yeah, he was framed. Plus, you know, Jesus and stuff, so case dismissed.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Ah yes, the good ole "Bitch set me up" defense.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Bitches always are setting their clients; they just force the guys to show up at the hotel with the drugs and money, against their will.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has an interesting new recruiting strategy for conservatives. “Conservatives are simply more fun than liberals."

Guess Mitch was right after all.

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Happy Valentine's Day!

Pres.Beeblebrox February 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Yay, it's Cockuary!

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Or Fibruary.

LionHeartSoyDog February 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Or Flabruary.

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

What does hypocrisy reek of? And what ever that is, it's wafting off this post and making me want to gulp, nee' quaff my wine. These people.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I'm definitely noticing a mix of sulfur and ben-gay wafting around thanks to the hypocrisy.

DerrickWildcat February 14, 2012 at 2:17 pm

A long time ago, you had to swear on a Bible. You had to say something like. I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. You had to say this with one hand on the Bible and you had to wave at the judge with the other. Back then, if you did this, it made it physically impossible to lie. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't lie. This is why I think this guy is probably innocent. You simply can not do bad things if you are carrying a Bible around.

freakishlywrong February 14, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Per that pic, he has a uuuuuge stance.

IncenseDebate February 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

You know who else loved prostitutes?

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Jesus?

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Right, but that guy loves everybody. The harlot.

Guppy February 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm

No no, the other kind of "love."

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:16 am

Okay, you win the internet for today, missy.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

That guy in the Bible?

chicken_thief February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Soldiers? But they don't pay up. And, well, the hookers were in close contact and asking for it…

meatlofer February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Jimmy Swaggert?

actor212 February 14, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Her pimp?

horsedreamer_1 February 14, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Not Russell Jones.

gurukalehuru February 15, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Uh, me.

KeepFnThatChicken February 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property

Did the reporter take Run-On Sentences 101 at the Mississippi English Language Conservatory?

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

It's a Valentine's Day miracle!

SayItWithWookies February 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

It's too bad The Man just persecutes people relentlessly for having standards so high that even they can't meet them. Okay, maybe "not doing coke and oxy and fucking prostitutes" doesn't sound like much of a standard to you, but you have to look at the big picture — his weed dealer and his mistress were both real jerks.

GOPCrusher February 14, 2012 at 2:26 pm

What is most amazing is after all these years, these people still seem to think that they will be the one that doesn't get caught.

Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

One demerit for having a heterosexual prostitutes-and-drugs scandal, but he regains a few Scandal Bux for at least being involved with a lady hilariously named "Amanda Lay."

NYNYNYjr February 14, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Negligently_Joe February 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

NEEDS MOAR VANDALISM

owhatever February 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Another scalp for the War on Religion.

KeepFnThatChicken February 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Blame the culture war on his demise. Watch.

mavenmaven February 14, 2012 at 2:37 pm

He and his kind is clearly responsible for all the sexual shenanigans at CPAC.

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm

We smell a congressional run

gross.

HelmutNewton February 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Bed bugs are people too, my friend!

James Michael Curley February 14, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Is that him in the picture? With him is that "Roscoe the Bedbug Sniffing Dog"? Or is that just a New Jersey thing?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I smell a hella lot more. Geez, Republicans, could y'all just give up on everybody else's sex lives already, cos man, y'all are REALLY into doing this shit and should spend all your fuckin' time and energy GOING for it. Dumb mothafuckin' busybody assholes.

slowhansolo February 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

They did the bedbugs a disservice by lumping them in with this cockroach.

Steverino247 February 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Bullshit is a helluva drug.

MadBrahms February 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Buying drugs / paying sex workers = supporting working Americans. (And it's tax free, too! Take that, IRS / Fed / Socialism)

WhatTheHeck February 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The poor guy just wanted to plant his seed and not spill it on the ground. And god or satan provided the means.

Tommy1733 February 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Behave yourself! Behave yourself! Behave yourself! Behave yourself!

brown_recluse February 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

You know when you're a godless liberal when the only part of "he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel" are the bedbugs.

Schmegeg February 14, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Let the market determine the value of these characters. One vote for the bugs.

DahBoner February 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

See?

That's why Black people can't own cats…

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Precisely who was it who determined the hotel was "bed-bug infested"? The hooker, the police, the politician … or did Cincinnati.com already know?

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:18 am

When someone has bedbugs or even just had them, everyone ends up knowing. There is little more that causes such hysteria in the nation, at the moment, not even turrists.

rickmaci February 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Sorry but I'm not buying the whole "she" thing here. "Amanda Lay" sounds too much like a tranny hooker name.

comrad_darkness February 14, 2012 at 8:25 pm

She was named after Amanda Hugenkiss, who works on radio shows for NPR

elburritodeluxe February 14, 2012 at 9:07 pm

They say that the Tea Party – Occupy Wall Street groups can't be brought together, but I think we can both agree that drugs and illicit sex are awesome.

horsedreamer_1 February 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

He got in trouble for being in his neighbor's wife in Covington.

ttommyunger February 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Alt. Caption: "So, Archie, how do you feel about fat chicks?"

Negropolis February 15, 2012 at 2:08 am

Bedbugs, coke, sex and A-man-to-lay (Amanda Lay)? I'm nearly short-circuiting over the ridiculously inherent, built-in snark in all of this.

PuglyDoRight February 15, 2012 at 6:08 am

Clermont County is the Alabama of Cincinnati.

DaRooster February 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

Screwing Amanda Lay is safer than screwing Amanda Lynn… those strings ya know.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

The CPAC battle cry?

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