republican family values

Bible-Loving Ohio Teabagger Also Really Loves Prostitutes, Drugs

And this is just how he behaves in a televised interview.

Oh good, the Family Values club of GOP politicians can finally add another tally mark to the heterosexual column on their crowded “hookers ‘n coke scandal” scorecard! It’s a lonely column, that one. What a marvelous lede has: “Bible toting Clermont County politician Archie Wilson surfaced from drug treatment Tuesday to answer charges he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel.” Sexy!

He showed up in court today to deny all of it:

Wilson’s troubles began in June when a female inmate at the Clermont County jail, Amanda Lay, saw Wilson’s photo in a newspaper and asked to speak with a detective. She told investigators that Wilson, over a period of several weeks, had paid to have sex with her in Erlanger motels and that he had provided her with cocaine and pills, according to court records.

Lay, locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property, introduced authorities to a second woman who claimed she also had “performed services” for Wilson in exchange for cash and prescriptions. While authorities have not released the name of the second woman, they said she told them she would “engage in shows or sexual encounters” for Wilson, whom she first met at the Venus club four years ago.

We smell a congressional run! [; thanks to Wonkette operative “Scott H.”]

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  1. chascates

    Good thing these kooks believe in a forgiving deity. Just a quick repentance and it's back to business.

    1. BarryOPotter

      As Archie explained it to me, "Look, son, God doesn't care whatin' you do with yer wanger, he cares about your soul. And subjugatin' women 'n coloreds. Yeah, we have subjugate the women and coloreds to save 'em. Bible says so…"

    1. 40 or 50 % McShineys

      Wilson: "I'm looking for a man to lay."
      Madam: "Well, sir, it's your lucky day! Let me get her for you!"
      Wilson: "…"

        1. boobookitteh

          "Booboo cannot fucking comment on the page and refresh the page at the same time!"

          -Giselle Bundchen

  2. el_donaldo

    "Bible toting" and "bed bug infested" in the same sentence!

    GOPers are good for displays of linguistic ingenuity. And really foul mental images.

  3. Wilcoxyz

    At least he didn't compromise anyone's religious liberty by providing birth control pills. Just Oxycodone.

  4. actor212

    All this coke and hookers and bedbuggery, no, that's not what's up…he was just, um, heading up a task, um, force probing looking into the bedbug crisis in Clermount County before tourist season opened!

  5. MissTaken

    he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel

    Understandable because to have sex at a non-bed bug infested motel in this economy requires expensive baubles from the Tiffany catalog.

  6. BlackRhino

    Good grief, and I give them flowers. I should have known the powdery white stuff was the ticket. Damn GOP politicians’ always have the inside track.

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey, the Bible is full of sex and drugs, so he was just being very observant.

    Not to mention that paying for sex shows he is a good free market Conservative. Let the market decide! Why is it that Socialist always want to prevent the market from working?

    1. NYNYNYjr

      Hosea 3:1-2:
      The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."
      So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.

      Jews love raisin cakes.

  8. Barb

    God love the bible thumpers. Who else is going to keep the girls off the poles and the boys off the pipe?

  9. BornInATrailer

    Well maybe if Edith would wear something other than that house dress all the time he wouldn't be stepping out for hookers n' blow.

  10. JustPixelz

    Who speaks for the bed bugs in all this? Some politician comes into their home creating the beast with two backs and they are utterly powerless. #OccupyBedSheets.

  11. edgydrifter

    The cops caught him in the hotel room paying the hookers with oxycodone, but he claims total innocence because… uh… he was FRAMED! Yeah, he was framed. Plus, you know, Jesus and stuff, so case dismissed.

      1. SorosBot

        Bitches always are setting their clients; they just force the guys to show up at the hotel with the drugs and money, against their will.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has an interesting new recruiting strategy for conservatives. “Conservatives are simply more fun than liberals."

    Guess Mitch was right after all.

  13. freakishlywrong

    What does hypocrisy reek of? And what ever that is, it's wafting off this post and making me want to gulp, nee' quaff my wine. These people.

  14. DerrickWildcat

    A long time ago, you had to swear on a Bible. You had to say something like. I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. You had to say this with one hand on the Bible and you had to wave at the judge with the other. Back then, if you did this, it made it physically impossible to lie. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't lie. This is why I think this guy is probably innocent. You simply can not do bad things if you are carrying a Bible around.

    1. chicken_thief

      Soldiers? But they don't pay up. And, well, the hookers were in close contact and asking for it…

  15. KeepFnThatChicken

    locked up for using drugs while on probation for receiving stolen property

    Did the reporter take Run-On Sentences 101 at the Mississippi English Language Conservatory?

  16. SayItWithWookies

    It's too bad The Man just persecutes people relentlessly for having standards so high that even they can't meet them. Okay, maybe "not doing coke and oxy and fucking prostitutes" doesn't sound like much of a standard to you, but you have to look at the big picture — his weed dealer and his mistress were both real jerks.

  17. GOPCrusher

    What is most amazing is after all these years, these people still seem to think that they will be the one that doesn't get caught.

  18. Negligently_Joe

    One demerit for having a heterosexual prostitutes-and-drugs scandal, but he regains a few Scandal Bux for at least being involved with a lady hilariously named "Amanda Lay."

  19. James Michael Curley

    Is that him in the picture? With him is that "Roscoe the Bedbug Sniffing Dog"? Or is that just a New Jersey thing?

  20. MittBorg

    I smell a hella lot more. Geez, Republicans, could y'all just give up on everybody else's sex lives already, cos man, y'all are REALLY into doing this shit and should spend all your fuckin' time and energy GOING for it. Dumb mothafuckin' busybody assholes.

  21. MadBrahms

    Buying drugs / paying sex workers = supporting working Americans. (And it's tax free, too! Take that, IRS / Fed / Socialism)

  22. WhatTheHeck

    The poor guy just wanted to plant his seed and not spill it on the ground. And god or satan provided the means.

  23. brown_recluse

    You know when you're a godless liberal when the only part of "he traded drugs for sex at a bed bug infested motel" are the bedbugs.

  24. Jukesgrrl

    Precisely who was it who determined the hotel was "bed-bug infested"? The hooker, the police, the politician … or did already know?

    1. Negropolis

      When someone has bedbugs or even just had them, everyone ends up knowing. There is little more that causes such hysteria in the nation, at the moment, not even turrists.

  25. rickmaci

    Sorry but I'm not buying the whole "she" thing here. "Amanda Lay" sounds too much like a tranny hooker name.

  26. elburritodeluxe

    They say that the Tea Party – Occupy Wall Street groups can't be brought together, but I think we can both agree that drugs and illicit sex are awesome.

  27. Negropolis

    Bedbugs, coke, sex and A-man-to-lay (Amanda Lay)? I'm nearly short-circuiting over the ridiculously inherent, built-in snark in all of this.

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