Spock says, Eric Cantor should be abducted by Klingons.

Oh look, here is an unusual sequence of words that is popping up on the newswires: “Republican leaders in the House of Representatives on Monday dropped their demand for spending reductions to pay for extending a tax cut for 160 million American workers, setting up a likely breakthrough for agreement with Democrats.” Interesting. Is this a roundabout way of announcing that Eric Cantor has slipped into a coma?

Evidence for the coma theory, based on Rep. Dennis Cardoza’s hilarious account of Eric Cantor’s constant asshole obstructionism that appeared in the Hill today:

This sibling rivalry is not just between Republicans and Democrats; it also exists somewhat more subtly within each caucus. Most obvious is the jealousy and back-stabbing of the Majority Leader, Eric Cantor (R-Va.).

In my decade in Congress, I have spent a fair amount of time with Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). I respect him and we have worked well together. John and I often don’t agree on policy, but he is always thoughtful and gracious. The rivalry between him and Mr. Cantor is not unusual, but it is unusually destructive, and it is one of the main reasons that this Congress has been so unable to find consensus on anything. I am not the only one to notice the divide, either. Just a few weeks ago at the annual Alfalfa Club Dinner, President Obama ribbed the Speaker saying, “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

Boehner is captive to this rivalry only because he has no choice but to constantly watch his back. Cantor feeds and exploits the most radical factions in the Republican Caucus, and his jealousy often mires his caucus in ideological impotence. Of course, Democrats are always grateful!

Nice touch there, “impotence.”

So really, John Boehner, what did you do to Eric Cantor to make him agree to a “compromise” not to raise taxes on millions of middle class voters in an election year when Cantor fought it so hard last December that he nearly murdered the party? Did Boehner finally let Lindsey Graham administer that badly-needed spanking? [Reuters/ The Hill]

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  • iburl

    What's the matter, GOP, did Karl Rove call up and tell you you're doing it wrong?

  • Beetagger

    Eric, you've been a naughty, naughty boy. Now get over Uncle Lindsey's lap this instant.

    • CZL

      Ham Biscuits is a power bottom and we all know it.

  • MiniMencken

    I believe Lindsey Graham prefers to administer ice-water punishment enemas as a corrective measure.

    • I'm not going to unclench my asshole ever again.

    • Negropolis

      I was thinking his punishments would use sweet tea instead of ice-water.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      So THAT'S what he means by ham biscuits.

  • BerkeleyBear

    They had to let Cantor write the press release, in which he called the Dems a "bunch of poopy heads" who wouldn't "play nice" (i.e. tell grandma to die faster and kick the poor to the curb). That may not be the exact language, but that was definitely the sense I got from reading it.

  • Alfalfa Club? Is that an offshoot of the He-Man Woman Haters Club? for you kids under the age of 85.

    • ThundercatHo

      This should be the sign on the door to my husband's man-cave. (note: he is neither)

      • Chichikovovich

        He's neither a He-Man Woman nor a Haters Club?

        • Fare la Volpe

          I hope the latter and not the former – gay marriage is still illegal.

      • Oh, I too long for that sweet release, in a not-too-distant-time, when we can finish the basement!

    • Hey! I am old enough to remember how easily amused we used to be.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      No, Alfalfa rejected the gay recruiting group and created his own love wimmins and blow jobs group.

  • MosesInvests

    Eric Cantor=a shandeh fahr die Goyim. A putz, also, too.

    • Geminisunmars

      Not to mention a total shmuck.

    • As I have said a million times since I first heard his name. With a friend like him, who needs enemies?

      • flamingpdog

        WIth a friend like him, who needs enemas?

        • Boojum_Reborn


      • widestanceshakedown

        All of them, Mittie, because they're all so full of_____.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He's a Republican. From the South. Who knew he'd hate the schwartzes so much as to cut his nose off to spite his face?

      • MosesInvests

        Actually, Cantor strikes me more as a garden-variety narcissist. He just doesn't care about anything or anyone except himself, and he cares a *lot* about himself. Since the Republican Partei nowadays is run by and for sociopaths, he's a perfect fit. Racism is just a tool for them, to get scared working-class whites to vote against their own interests.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    OK America, you might not have to bend over…. this time.

  • philpjfry

    Republicans finaly wake up?? What's next Big foot running for the Senate?

    • BearNoLike

      Sasquatch/SnowMachine 2012. I, for one, welcome our new overlords of Extreme Snowsports.

      • flamingpdog

        Forget about the Snow Machine. Sauce (Boner)/Squash (Christie)/2012

        • I see what you did there, you hairy little bugger.

  • Cantor was watching teevee with the fam and asked "Who is this asshole?" When his wife informed him they were watching his 60 Minutes / Leslie Stahl profile, he decided all those people telling him to STFU on Twitter may be on to something. He'll turn back into an over-ambitious dildo soon enough.

  • chascates

    Trick! Trick! They'll let the payroll deduction slide because they're going to raise hell on Obama's budget he just released. Ensure people making one million a year pay at least 30% in taxes? NEVER!

    • Radiotherapy

      Exactly, chas, they will totally let this petty bribe slide. Luntz, Ailes, Russ and the whole gang are just developing the shit storm of propaganda that is coming our way.

    • Negropolis

      You mean the federal budget that Congress ultimately passes almost always ignoring the sitting president's suggestions? Yeah, it'd be just like this crop of Republicans to make a media's-week worth of print over something that the Congress is ultimately and constitutionally granted/required the authority to do.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      I'll gladly fall for that trick. Especially since OWS changed the dialog from the expected Tea Party masses showing up to scream, "Tax cuts for the rich! Tax cuts for the rich!" as Americans For Prosperityand other puppet-masters planned, to "Jobs! Income disparity! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!" Hard time getting traction for the clown car crowd.

  • facehead

    Republicans don't approve of anal, so they make do with asshole obstructionism.

    EDIT: OT, but this is kinda unbelievable:

    "Joe Paterno’s status as a moral beacon remains undiminished."

    • I cannot bring myself to read that because I would prefer not to die of an aneurysm.

    • V572 Flambé

      In times of moral ambiguity and political corruption, it's always best to look to gym teachers for guidance.

    • And that is what happens when being abrasive and acting insane is mistaken for a valid political philosophy. I would feel really bad for conservatives or whatever they are calling themselves this week if they had the basic self-awareness to realize just how disgusting they are.

    • flamingpdog

      "Joe Paterno's status as immoral bacon remains undiminished."


      • Baconzgood is gonna have *some*thing to say about *that.*

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Republicans don't approve of anal lube.

      • Chichikovovich

        Whaddya mean? Santorum is surging among Republicans. Apparently they prefer their lube already used.

        • Chocolate Reign!

          • doloras

            Some stay quiet and others feel the pain.

      • Negropolis

        It's down right unnatural, I'm sure is how they feel.

        I honestly can't wait for them to start waging holy war against corrective leans and hearing aids.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I can feel the bile surging inside of me. These people truly are the cuntiest of the cunting cuntrags. May they burn.

    • When you have to spend time writing a goof ball essay defending your defense of a man who ignored child rape, please just have the common courtesy to end your life. Thank you.

      • Srsly. I hope that filthy little raasclot who wrote that article finds himself bleeding uncontrollably from the anus for the rest of his life. May he never again be able to show himself in public as the slow seep of brown stains every pair of pantalones, every pair of underroos, every piece of furniture he ever sits on, every carpet he ever treads on, and every sheet that must be forced to endure him. These fucking motherraping father-diddling sons of sows are beyond shame.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Did Boehner finally let Lindsey Graham administer that badly-needed spanking?

    No, Old Uncle Lindsey told Cantor that if didn't give in he wouldn't let Cantor play with Boehner's balls anymore.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Remember that flap last Fall with Rep. Cantor, House Majority Leader, placing fuckin' BETS on the financial collapse of the United States?

      Just how deep would President Truman have buried this shitheel under Leavenworth?

  • user-of-owls

    Cantor feeds and exploits the most radical factions in the Republican Caucus

    This is the real news here, the first observation in the wild of a rat willingly feeding other rats.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      My feeling exactly. This revelation of Cantor being the main reason that Boehner can't even negotiate with Obama without danger of being deposed is fascinating.

      Hopefully Bammaz can capitalize on this. He should, if he's half the politician I think he is capable of being.

      • ?? I thought it was common knowledge that Boehner wrested the Speakership into his own paws and Cantor resented it greatly and has tried to undermine him ever since. I believe Obama has ragged him about it publicly. This is at least the second time that I know of, the first time was during the debt rating downgrade crisis, when Obama actually seemed to lose his temper and said something to Boehner about not being able to control his own caucus.

        • Negropolis

          You're right. This isn't news. This was one of the things talked about right after the 2010 elections. Cantor was essentially running a shadow campaign for speaker the entire mid-terms.

          • BearNoLike

            As a more, eh, nuts-and-bolts guy as far as domestic policy goes, that's useful stuff to know for sub-regional management. Follow along on the treasury…

            Someone, eventually, has to tell the people that will be affected "Hey, it's a new administration that doesn't like your kind. Next year, you'll probably have to come up with a new plan." Shorter: no more money sorry chump, we lied. – Uncle Sam

            So considering, as one of these people that actually has to talk with people, there is a possibility that some chump like Cantor will end your payola, even though we said we'd pay it. I will be sure to tell them know to not point the rifle at ***hner, but rather **ntor. But then, everyone knows they will blamo Obama, despite fact and reality. But then, that's what racists do; say the same shit, ignoring fact and reality.

            revised: Honestly, elect whoever. The people we serve are probably right to hate us all.

          • Chichikovovich

            I will be sure to tell them know to not point the rifle at ***hner, but rather **ntor

            I think you mean "point the transit". Or "point the theodolite" if you're a fancy-pants. Remember, we're now following the Palin manual of threat-making (2nd rev. ed.).

      • C_R_Eature

        Hell, when Boehner was at news conferences earlier this year, Cantor started standing behind him with one of these. I think it was a dead giveaway.

        • ThundercatHo

          He seems like such a sneaky little shit I would've figured him more as a piano wire kind of guy.

        • Ahem! Injudicious choice of words, dear CRE. Let's stick to "giveaway," shall we, all unadorned and plain.

    • Negropolis

      Ha! That was good!

  • ThundercatHo

    The reason Eric Cantor has been acting like such a dick is he's been under the influence of pon farr. Spock is there to take him back to Vulcan so he can either find a mate or die trying.

    • neiltheblaze

      Cantor seems to have more of the Romulan about him.

      I can't believe I'm parsing Star Trek metaphors.

      • flamingpdog

        I picture Cantor as standing momentariy dazed after William Shatner bounces a giant paper-mache boulder off of him.

        • SorosBot

          Try and picture something better; I mean, Kirk was a horndog pushover; imagine what an actual tough captain like Sisqo would do to him.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Nahh, Cantor is more of a Trelane, very very pleased with his power and ability to display the insignias of power, but insanely petulant when he fails to get his way.

      To which I can only say, Fuq Q.

      • not that Dewey

        Can you imagine how differently things might have gone if, in Encounter at Far Point, instead of Picard we had had Cantor representing the humans?

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          (I do feel compelled to point out that the notion that Trelane is a Q, despite the novel Q-Squared, is not canonical.

          Even if John Delancie thinks so.

          Jesus, I am a nerd.)

    • SorosBot

      And here I thought the Star Trek stereotypical analogues meant Cantor was a Ferengi.

      • ThundercatHo

        His demeanor is definately more Ferengi-like but his head is too small. Perhaps a hybrid that the Ferengi bred in a lab as a mole?

    • Would it be cruel of me to hope for the second option? Because I really can't think of any creature that would willingly mate with Eric Cantor.

    • V572 Flambé

      Gingrich, of course, is all tribble.

    • C_R_Eature

      The real question: Just how can we get Eric Cantor to wear a Red Shirt?

      • ThundercatHo

        Tell him it's what all the cool kids (young republicans) are wearing.

        • C_R_Eature

          Pssst! Hey, Eric! I've got a cool new Limited Edition Young Republican Red State Strike Force T-Shirt just for you!

      • Tell him Britney Spears wants him to.

    • And … did you see what an armpit of a planet Vulcan is? Spock tells Kirk "This land has been in my family for generations." Well, duh. He didn't mention it had been on the market for almost as long. It's no surprise Vulcans mastered spaceflight before humans. Anything to get off that miserable place.

    • Chichikovovich

      The reason Eric Cantor has been acting like such a dick is …

      that he is a dick.

      • ThundercatHo

        I used to live in his district would never really give him credit for being anything other than a nasty, little weasel prick. He always reminded me of the stereotypical whiny, skinny kid who got beat up on the playground but instead of going into computers to exact his revenge on the world he went into politics.

        • PlanetWingNut

          wouldn't it be bearded spock that would be with the republicans?

  • neiltheblaze

    Shocking! Eric Cantor is an untrustworthy, self-interested backstabber.

    This may be true – but nothing will ever make me feel sorry for John Boehner.

  • You know your party is doomed when Cuntor and Boner can't get along.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Jim Newell watches and disapproves. That cunt.

      • I already got Newelled once today. Maybe I'll get away with this one…

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          It took so much effort not to reply "That cunt." to when you posted "I got Newelled."

          I'm sure he's cool with it really.

          • neiltheblaze

            I think Jim objects to using "cunt" in reference to a woman – even if the woman is Sarah Palin. I don't know his thoughts on calling a man a cunt. Or even a shifty-eyed, twitchy little invertebrate like Cantor.

          • One word: Alaskunt®. A registered trademark of Limeylizzie.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        how about, Conservatives Unglued, Not Thinking.

    • Negropolis

      I think you really know your party is doomed when you find your party vociferously bashing Clint Eastwood and American Exceptionalism during a feel-good Superbowl commercial. I tell you, that is where the party should have jumped the shark for people paying less attention to politics than us.

      • Chichikovovich

        I was surprised they didn't get burned when Shelby kept pumping for the Japanese automakers and trying to block the bailout – not just quietly but openly speechifying about it – because they build lots of factories in Alabama and run them with non-union labor. But he skated because bailouts are generally unpopular.

        But now the money is mostly paid back, the govt. shares are being sold back (if they haven't been all sold already – I'm not completely on top of the schedule), GM is making a profit and Chrysler seems likely to survive as a real car maker (rather than as a couple of brands like Jeep sold off elsewhere while the company as a whole gets Bained) the whole "bailout was evil, Government Motors = DMV hawhaw" line isn't getting traction. Quite the opposite, an ad talking about US automakers/Detroit bouncing back hurts Republicans by reminding people of this.

        OK, so be it guys – you lost, fold your hand before you make it worse. But as the Schiavo thing showed, they just can't bring themselves to slough off losing cards. So they draw attention to the fact by complaining about a Republican talking about (advertising speak, but the kind that resonates) an American return to greatness.

        • Biff

          Upfist for "verbing" of bain.
          Used to have an extreme rightie colleague who worked for the same government agency I did (socialist!) and decried the auto bail-out, Government Motors, etc on the blogs by night, but by day, he bought a new Chevy truck and a Malibu for his wife. That is when I knew they couldn't be taken seriously.

    • SorosBot

      Three times apparently.

      • PlanetWingNut

        Once, Twice, Three times an accunt

  • littlebigdaddy

    10% favorability ratings will do that. Charles Manson has greater popular appeal.

    • Biff

      Damn it, I'm sick and tired of IntenseHate!

      • not that Dewey

        Well, that was a stupid column. Sure, Tom, what US America needs is MORE opposition to the Democrats. We've tried "a lot of opposition" and "full, balls-to-the-wall opposition", but can't we get creative? Why did I read that?

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          I thought it was really funny when he said there should be a Republican leader willing to take on the challenges of global warming, which any sane person knows is a myth made up by liberal scientists in the hopes that they'll be liked by environmentalist hippie chicks who don't even shave their legs.

          • not that Dewey

            What's even funnier is that he defines this hypothetical "political party" with a series of platform initiatives — government funding of science, investment in education and infrastructure, renewable energy technologies, acknowledgment that the earth cannot sustain 7 billion American lifestyles — if only there were a party that promoted these ideas. Ho hum. Or, should I say, "so it goes"

          • haha. If only….

            Just as an experiment, I'd like to burn Thomas Friedman for fuel." The stupid, it burns" – true enough. I think it's finally time to see how hot.

          • WHY are these people all so frighteningly stupid. WHY? Didn't they attend the same schools we did, read the same books, come equipped with the same gray matter? WTF are we supposed to think of these worthless feckin' losers?

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            Hey, Friedman, why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooon?

          • not that Dewey

            We are human only to the extent that our ideas are humane.

      • Oops, I linked to that too, after you. That guy drives me nuts, especially when he's in Full Bookselling Mode like he was a few months ago (where he says the EXACT SAME ELEVATOR SPEECH on every media outlet that will have him in a two-week span), but I liked how his advice was to wad up the entire GOP and flush them down the crapper. I've been saying that for years! (giant paychecks, please.)

    • Barrelhse

      To be fair, Charles Manson was a nicer person.

  • ttommyunger

    If there is one arena where dicks and assholes belong together, it is in the Republican Caucus.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Or just in a Republican.

      • ttommyunger

        Should be Rethuglican Cockus.

  • flamingpdog

    Notably, the offer was issued by both House Speaker John Boehner, the top Republican, and his deputy Eric Cantor, who has often taken a more hardline approach in budget negotiations with Democrats over the past year.

    And in related news today, the White House announced that henceforth all Presidential statements will be released and all bills will be signed by both Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden. " Ha, ha, just kidding", said the President's assistant press secretary – Mr. Biden may be getting old and forgetful, but he still isn't a salted rat dick-gnawing, regularly-pulsating, gangrenous, dentate hemorrhoid excised from the ass of Crush Limpballs, coated with steaming rancid santorum."

    • Wow, pdog, that was just a fine, fine (wipes tear) … I mean, dood (loosens tie, swallows)

      You really know how to lay a good curse, pdog.

    • C_R_Eature

      That was Most Excellent.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Up fisties for dentate hemorrhoid.

  • SorosBot

    And here I thought Boehner was vulnerable to this rivalry because he's too constantly drunk to think straight and so can be out-maneuvered by your average sixth grader.

    • MissTaken

      I always thought being drunk prevented Boehner?

      • SorosBot

        Normally, but I guess functional alcoholics are so used to it that they still work. Pity for Mrs. Boehner.

        • I wouldn't worry too much about Mrs. Boehner. It's well known that John's been burying his boehner in someone else, at least in Warshington.

      • SorosBot

        Oh and I must complement you; you are very talented at handling Boehner puns.

        • MissTaken

          Thank you very much for the enthusiastic thumbs up!

          • SorosBot

            Hey, I always thumb up your comments, to give you a little more p-ness. Also because they're funny.

          • MissTaken

            Your thumb makes my p-ness big.

          • Oh, my!

  • valgal2342

    Spock looks bored because there is no one on that stage he would want to perform a Vulcan mind probe on.

    • flamingpdog

      I hope Spock never attempts a Vulcan mind meld on Boner – I hear Vulcans are total assholes when they're drunk.

    • C_R_Eature

      There's plenty of Vulcan Nerve Pinch opportunities, though. I say he goes for it.

    • Rhetoric set to stun.

    • IF he tried to do a mimd meld with any of them, all he'd get is a message saying "this line has been disconnected…"

  • orygoon

    Backstabbing? Eric Cantor reminds me of reading Julius Caesar in eighth grade. So I'm not the only one?

    • fuflans

      yeah but by 4,3 you actually care about cassius.

      cantor? not so much.

    • Chichikovovich

      It is true that Cantor seems to be getting thinner every year. (Not joking – check out pictures over the years, the guy is getting positively skeletal. Or perhaps I should say Skeletorial.)

      I understand that men with such a lean and hungry look are dangerous.

      • Negropolis

        And, it's not just the men. Ever see a gaggle of supermodels fight over a craft services table at a photo shoot? Them's some vicious bitches. Many a finger has been lost in such a scenario.

  • That boy ain't right.

    • Negropolis

      Which one?

      • Well, either. I was thinking of Cantor just because Cardoza was ripping him and semi-defending Boehner. Heh heh, semi-Boehner.

        • flamingpdog

          "Ward, I think you were awfully hard on the Boehner last night."

        • Negropolis

          Yeah, I was being facetious and hoping maybe to get an "all of them, Katie" out of someone. I know, lame, but I don't have much, today. I ain't too proud to beg on slow days.

          • Chichikovovich


          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            This whole meme can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

          • Fare la Volpe

            Today, we are are all Hitler being shipped to Afghanistan.

          • MosesInvests

            Also, too.

          • I for one welcome our new Hitlerian overlords.

          • Aw, kiddo! (Hugs the Negropolis)

  • DaSandman

    Joan of Arc. With ERIC CANTOR as Joan. And pyro….go!


    • Chichikovovich

      Hears voices recommending lunatic courses of action – check. Thinks it's God talking – check….

      I think you're on to something.

  • It's a trap!

    • Ezra Klein, king of the economic graph, proposed that very thing on Maddow's show tonight. He thinks if the Dems embrace this capitulation, tomorrow the Republicans will reveal that their price is a reduction that will effect Medicare pay-outs to doctors and the elimination of the part of the bill addressing unemployment benefits.

      • Has anyone ever seen Klein and Cilizza on the same set together?

        • I know … they're eerily similar, aren't they.But I like Ezra better.It's not easy to illustrate complex information in a way that is understandable and also packs a punch.Cilizza, not so much.

    • emmelemm

      I would have put this in all caps, myself. This is more than a trap, it's a TRAP!!

  • Lucidamente1

    Looks like somebody's wound up in the remainders bin:

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'll believe they're ready to compromise when the (often misunderstood) extension of unemployment benefits gets passed along with it.

    People need to realize that if the extension doesn't pass, EVERYONE loses their federal unemployment benefits, which especially sucks when you consider many state benefits have been cut back.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Lil Eric, you should just hold your breath until you get your way, or die. whatever.

  • Joshua Norton

    Most obvious is the jealousy and back-stabbing of the Majority Leader, Eric Cantor (R-Va.)

    Hubris or stupidity?

    You don’t have to choose just one, you know….

    • DaRooster

      I am sure that little prick has never, in his miserable life, been happy with just one of anything.
      "I want it all and I want it now… and ALL OF THEM… AND NOW!!"

  • WhatTheHeck

    Know what got them in the mood to compromise? They’re suddenly afraid they would end up in the congressional bathtub and the last thing they want to see departing this life is the orange glow of Boehner’s.

    • Poll numbers must be looking *really* grim for them. I just don't believe they would give in this easily. Either Hopey threatened the fuckers with Seal Team 6, or they're each personally polling below 30% in their own districts.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    I've found I too tend to compromise my ideals when I have a boehner.

  • Biff

    OT Oh gawd, Colbert just ran a pair of TruckNutz through a table saw!

    • Callyson

      Thus making him a ball buster. I hope that the staffers for Obama who have to deal with the Reeps were watching and taking notes on how it's done.

  • not that Dewey

    Just off camera, behind Mr Spock, to Cantor's left, is a guy with a machete.

  • Callyson

    Is this a roundabout way of announcing that Eric Cantor has slipped into a coma?
    Unfortunately, he's still kicking…
    …the approval rating for the Republican party, on the other hand, is on its last legs…

    • Don't worry about the Republican party. I'm sure their opposition to birth control will revitalize their popularity.

  • SorosBot

    Meanwhile Romney is one of the Founders of the Dominion (you know, the shape changers).

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Here's Willard on a horse

      A lovely 2004 puff piece because he's fucking Mitt Romney.

      • I find it rather … telling that Willard's horses (an entire stable full of *dressage* horses, to be precise) have health care, something he would like to deny to his fellow-citizens.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Those horses have the help of a benevolent owner, much like workers in Republican Nirvana.

          Actually, not much like that because they have healthcare. Why can't those freeloading equine fucks work a second job to pay for that? Maybe janitorial work or being a Budweiser ad-whore.

          • emmelemm

            And, if their legs break, they'll be shot.

          • Dressage horses don't *do* janitorial work, dood. Too high-falutin'. Beautiful creatures, but unbelievably expensive to purchase, and even more expensive to maintain. $100K per year per animal.

            That's 2.5 times what an average American family of four has to live on. Must be nice to be Romney-rich, eh?

        • Chichikovovich

          To be fair, Mitt would also be willing to give health care to any of his fellow citizens who would dance in front of a crowd in unnatural and painful poses carrying Mitt on their backs.

          It's in his heath care plan – check out Appendix 3 Section 2: Supplementary Benefit for Equine and Related Structured Performance.

        • ThundercatHo

          Horses must be more tolerant of androids than other animals. You'll never see a picture of him petting a German Shepherd.

          • German shepherds, being predators, can do a lot more damage to Mittens than those poor horsies.

      • unclejeems

        Yeah, Mitt's on the horse's back, only because he couldn't get the horse on the roof of his station wagon.

      • ThundercatHo

        He looks about as natural on a horse as he does in a Carhart coat.

      • The horse is?

    • flamingpdog

      I always get confused when I see a horse with its ass on its back instead of its back end.

  • Callyson

    his jealousy often mires his caucus in ideological impotence.
    So, Cantor can't get a Boehner. Not surprised to hear that.

  • fuflans

    President Obama ribbed the Speaker saying, “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

    see, bamz, these kind of nasty funny smart things are why people love you. you should keep saying these things.

    • flamingpdog

      Say them more, Barry. Let the snark be in you, and with you. Ramen.

    • Ribbed, for our pleasure.

  • Negropolis

    I haven't seen a relationship as toxic as Eric and Johnny's since, well, Bobby & Whitney, Kurt & Courtney, Amy & Blake, and Kim K & (fill in the blank).

    • SorosBot

      Too soon! (OK not really, but someone had to say it).

    • succalina

      Sid and Nancy…

      • an this one end similarly? Eric Cantor is stabbed late at night in the Chelsea Hotel, and John Boenher drinks himself to death awaiting trial?

    • Shaq and Kobe…

    • Newt and anyone with two X chromosomes.

    • flamingpdog

      Me and my ex.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Rob and Laura. No. Wait, I'm doing this wrong…

    • Man0nTheStreet

      McWALNUTS!! & JoeMentum
      – but the furtive hatesex makes it all worthwhile…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I got my ex, before she was my ex, a box of those little candy hearts that have endearments on them, like "Be Mine" and "Blow Me" and "Let Me Sit on Your Face" and "Please Swallow." I'm so fucking smooth.

      • Chichikovovich

        That's so beautiful. But sad too: If a magical connection like that could die, no relationship can be counted as secure.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          All I can say is
          Love stinks.

      • How long between that gift and the divorce papers, dood?

  • Anybody know if we can track Boehner's booze consumption in any way? You know, pull up public records of Scotch sales in the closest bars for the past year? Just wanna see how he's dealing with that little snake in his back pocket, Eric Cantor. That whiny little putz.

    • Chichikovovich

      Maybe he's joined the religion that uses magic mushrooms in its ceremonies. That would also explain why he's going along with the politically suicidal campaign against birth control. He figures it's the price he has to pay to keep the supply of Bohner's little helpers safe.

  • Antispandex

    Oh damn! That "Eric Cantor in a coma" thing really got me. For just a second there I was imagining a rational government. Then, realized two things: It was a joke, and there are still lots of Teapublicans left to muck things up.

    • Chichikovovich

      Being in a coma doesn't stop someone from wreaking havoc on the Republican party. Look at Terri Schiavo.

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Cantor in a coma
      I know, I know,
      It's serious…

      There were times when I could have "strangled" him…
      But I'd hate to cut other spending to pay for him.

  • OT, but did anyone read the Thomas Friedman editorial yesterday? Other than this Friedmanism (god do those annoy) about "H.I.E.s" and "L.I.E.s", it was interesting, about how the current Republican party should just be wadded up and thrown into the shitter. (duh)

    Then there's this post from Legal Planet which is a nice reiteration and drilldown.

    • Yeah, years and years after everyone else realized how nuts they are, Friedman finally comes around. The lib blogger over at Driftglass tore him a new one over that column today.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, now that's interesting. Did a Pakistani cabdriver finally clue him in?

      In all seriousness, it's a measure of just how Bolshevist the Republican party has become and how wildly dysfunctional they've made our political process that it's even become apparent to Mr. Third Way.
      (We will also accept the descriptive The Moustache of Understanding.)

      • I'll try to remember this: "The Moustache of Understanding". You know how Jim Newell does the great Peggington Noonington posts? I think it was Hamilton Nolan at Gawker who used to do some great Friedman critiques.

        • C_R_Eature

          I've read and appreciated Ham Nolan's work. I forget where I ran into the Moustache phrase, maybe from Steve Benen, so I Googled it.
          By Golly, there's a A Website Now! Enjoy.

  • The "smurter" side led by Boner realizes that they're heading to a world of hurt in Nov if they can't get their fat rascal laden anchor babies known as the Teabaggers to smarten the fuck up and the 2012 GOPer preznit nominee is uninspiring and lifeless aka Rom-bot.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Poor John Boehner — it must be hard trying to drive the bus off the cliff when there's always some asshole in the seat next to you trying to wrench the steering wheel out of your hands and drive off a higher cliff.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    As some comedian said (paraphrase) "Cantor, they're not going to take you with them when the rapture happens." Maybe he figured that out and decided to shut up and get out of the way. Wonder why they didn't hold off on this until late Friday or dump it late last Friday. Late Monday, it will likely be in the news cycle all week, at a low simmer, and that is odd timing. Maybe the adults of the GOP are finally making the children take a time-out. Too late, old men, too late.

  • pinkocommi

    It is a case of mixing asshole (Cantor) and orange (Boehner).

    • MilwaukeeKent

      And the result is (drum roll please):
      (w/ orange-colored lube).

    • Radiotherapy

      Worst. Screwdriver. Ever.

      • Turns out I DID NOT want to know the secret recipe for an Orange Julius.

    • bagofmice

      ASS TO ASS! Poop it back and forth!

      That was actually a song done by my dearly departed friend's band: The Internet.

  • Millennial Malaise

    The simplest answer? The election. Last I checked, Cantor's approval rating (not to mention congress' overall) was in the toilet.

    The Republicans have been playing a thoughtless game of chicken with the country for awhile now, and ignorant as they are, many Americans are going to notice come November. After the Democrats starting suggesting their own ideas to them, the Party of NObama was born. The Rethugs have whittled their party down to a tiny sliver of melanin-challenged, minimally literate wingnuts that no longer follow marching orders. Sticking your fingers in your ears and screaming "NO!" isn't a platform and they ain't got shit to show for all their huff and puff.

    • But do the Dems have anyone to run against him? The VA Dem Party doesn't have a very good track record of coming up with viable candidates lately. What a shame it would be to lose the opportunity to slam this bastard (so he can run for president in eight years just like Santorum).

  • flamingpdog

    OT, but FROTHY ALERT: According to my youngest son's boyfriend, Ricky Santorum is in Seattle tonight as part of a scheduled appearance to get people to start gathering signatures to put a referendum and an initiative on the ballot to repeal gay marriage in Washington.

    I bet the ink isn't even dry on the legislation.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Just saw this on the news. If they can get enough signatures to put the law to a referendum it won't come into force until the populace votes on it, possibly November.

    • emmelemm

      And he got MASSIVELY glitterbombed, apparently.

      • C_R_Eature

        It's too bad he didn't get Santorum-bombed.

    • Barrelhse

      States Rights! Huh, Rick?

    • bagofmice

      More Tacoma and Olympia. Remember, Dan Savage lives on Capitol Hill in Seattle.

      And our Capitol Hill is a real goddamned hill you can snowboard down. Not like that landscaping project they have in DC. It's also Castro-level gay.


  • Nothin' like the noble, deeply complex and high-minded affairs of our members of congress to remind us all that Gossip Girl is still on the air.

    • Negropolis

      I'm pretty proud of myself that I've never seen an episode, or even a piece of an episode of that show. But, I make up for it with all kinds of other shitty television I end up watching.

  • C_R_Eature

    Barry: “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

    Oh, Snap! I wonder if he wrote that himself? Bet he did.

  • C_R_Eature

    Schaden, meet freude.

  • C_R_Eature

    Eric Cantor = Ferret-Face.

    That is all.

  • DahBoner

    If Eric Cantor drowns Boener in Grover Norquist's bathtub, will there be an orange ring???

    • HarryButtle

      Who cares? Can we get Grover to help and when both he and Cantor are elbow-deep holding Boehner down, toss a toaster in for good measure?

  • I am confused about this "flip-flop". I thought the Republicans were in such a fantastic position and there was some kind of teabagging tidal wave coming in November. After all, that is what all the teabaggers keep screaming in between the casual racism and idle threats.

    • Chichikovovich

      Clearly they haven't been screaming enough, and the stuff like "food stamp president" and "teach blacks to want a job" is just too damned subtle. They better crank it to 11.

      • Someone needs to say n*gger.

        • Chichikovovich

          Very true. No more of this cutesy “knicker” stuff for them.—

  • Yesterday the WSP, Washington Santorum Patrol, screwed-up and let Senator Frothy sneak into Olympia just an hour after Governor Chris Gregoire sign into law our new gay marriage law. Old Rickie was so pleased by this he went north to Tacoma for a let's TASE some jobless, glitter bombing, Occupy Tacoma hippies and general fecalfied lubing event.

    Go hippies, go. Fight hippies, fight. Win hippies, win. Rah, too, also

  • Cardoza: "Rawr!" After listening to 4 years of their bullshit, it's about time the catty Republican bitches got a claw in the cheek.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Taking a page from the Republican playbook, Obama should veto it, and demand that it includes a provision for full funding for Planned Parenthood before he'll sign it.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but we're going to war with Iran soon, aren't we?

    • Sure appears so. And it's totally in our interests because of…well the …er… well there's the ….um… it's the …hm…

      What could possibly go wrong? Just everything, I'm sure.

      • Dashboard Buddha


    • Well, now that that bomber blew off his leg and got caught …

  • DaRooster

    OK… it is nearly 8 o'clock here…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Don't these guys live on the east coast? It's almost fucking lunchtime there.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        They forgot it's V-Day, and are running around trying to find roses and chocolate dildos for us.

        • MissTaken

          Whenever you don't need them chocolate dildos are everywhere. But once you actually *need* one, they are no where to be found.

          • DaRooster

            I'll be right back…

          • Blueb4sunrise

            'chocolate dildos' got me my hundreth p!!!!! Thanks to MissT , Baldar, and DaRooster [I guess]

            Drinks are on Ken Layne!!!

          • Chocolate dildos will do that for ya! Not to mention all kinds of other stuff.


          • Um … oh, hell, I need to start hangin' out with you.

  • Abernathy

    "I respect him and we have worked well together. " I call bullshit–we all know Boner doesn't do work.

    • "I respect him and we have worked drank well together."

  • ttommyunger

    "House GOP Mysteriously Filled With Spirit of Compromise." And a frothy mix……

  • I thought there was a Mr. fuflans!

    • fuflans

      well yes, there is a mr. fuflans.

      we had krazy glue and chocolate for valentine's day.

      true story.

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