VALENTIMES DAY MIRACLES  10:35 pm February 13, 2012

House GOP Mysteriously Filled With Spirit of Compromise

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Spock says, Eric Cantor should be abducted by Klingons.

Oh look, here is an unusual sequence of words that is popping up on the newswires: “Republican leaders in the House of Representatives on Monday dropped their demand for spending reductions to pay for extending a tax cut for 160 million American workers, setting up a likely breakthrough for agreement with Democrats.” Interesting. Is this a roundabout way of announcing that Eric Cantor has slipped into a coma?

Evidence for the coma theory, based on Rep. Dennis Cardoza’s hilarious account of Eric Cantor’s constant asshole obstructionism that appeared in the Hill today:

This sibling rivalry is not just between Republicans and Democrats; it also exists somewhat more subtly within each caucus. Most obvious is the jealousy and back-stabbing of the Majority Leader, Eric Cantor (R-Va.).

In my decade in Congress, I have spent a fair amount of time with Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). I respect him and we have worked well together. John and I often don’t agree on policy, but he is always thoughtful and gracious. The rivalry between him and Mr. Cantor is not unusual, but it is unusually destructive, and it is one of the main reasons that this Congress has been so unable to find consensus on anything. I am not the only one to notice the divide, either. Just a few weeks ago at the annual Alfalfa Club Dinner, President Obama ribbed the Speaker saying, “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

Boehner is captive to this rivalry only because he has no choice but to constantly watch his back. Cantor feeds and exploits the most radical factions in the Republican Caucus, and his jealousy often mires his caucus in ideological impotence. Of course, Democrats are always grateful!

Nice touch there, “impotence.”

So really, John Boehner, what did you do to Eric Cantor to make him agree to a “compromise” not to raise taxes on millions of middle class voters in an election year when Cantor fought it so hard last December that he nearly murdered the party? Did Boehner finally let Lindsey Graham administer that badly-needed spanking? [Reuters/ The Hill]

 
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{ 262 comments }

iburl February 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

What's the matter, GOP, did Karl Rove call up and tell you you're doing it wrong?

Beetagger February 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Eric, you've been a naughty, naughty boy. Now get over Uncle Lindsey's lap this instant.

CZL February 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

Ham Biscuits is a power bottom and we all know it.

MiniMencken February 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I believe Lindsey Graham prefers to administer ice-water punishment enemas as a corrective measure.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:09 am

I'm not going to unclench my asshole ever again.

starfanglednut February 14, 2012 at 2:05 am

Oh, I doubt that.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:36 am

I was thinking his punishments would use sweet tea instead of ice-water.

MiniMencken February 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Senator Graham plans to take it to a whole new level with this device modification: http://radiology.rsna.org/content/60/2/267.short

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 5:27 am

So THAT'S what he means by ham biscuits.

BerkeleyBear February 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

They had to let Cantor write the press release, in which he called the Dems a "bunch of poopy heads" who wouldn't "play nice" (i.e. tell grandma to die faster and kick the poor to the curb). That may not be the exact language, but that was definitely the sense I got from reading it.

Lit Happens February 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Alfalfa Club? Is that an offshoot of the He-Man Woman Haters Club?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ for you kids under the age of 85.

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

This should be the sign on the door to my husband's man-cave. (note: he is neither)

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 7:36 am

He's neither a He-Man Woman nor a Haters Club?

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

I hope the latter and not the former – gay marriage is still illegal.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 10:18 am

Oh, I too long for that sweet release, in a not-too-distant-time, when we can finish the basement!

Maman February 14, 2012 at 12:32 am

Hey! I am old enough to remember how easily amused we used to be.

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 5:29 am

No, Alfalfa rejected the gay recruiting group and created his own love wimmins and blow jobs group.

MosesInvests February 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Eric Cantor=a shandeh fahr die Goyim. A putz, also, too.

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Not to mention a total shmuck.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:11 am

As I have said a million times since I first heard his name. With a friend like him, who needs enemies?

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:40 am

WIth a friend like him, who needs enemas?

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 5:29 am

Lindsay?

widestanceshakedown February 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

All of them, Mittie, because they're all so full of_____.

Lascauxcaveman February 14, 2012 at 2:11 am

He's a Republican. From the South. Who knew he'd hate the schwartzes so much as to cut his nose off to spite his face?

MosesInvests February 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

Actually, Cantor strikes me more as a garden-variety narcissist. He just doesn't care about anything or anyone except himself, and he cares a *lot* about himself. Since the Republican Partei nowadays is run by and for sociopaths, he's a perfect fit. Racism is just a tool for them, to get scared working-class whites to vote against their own interests.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 13, 2012 at 10:54 pm

OK America, you might not have to bend over…. this time.

philpjfry February 13, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Republicans finaly wake up?? What's next Big foot running for the Senate?

BearNoLike February 14, 2012 at 12:49 am

Sasquatch/SnowMachine 2012. I, for one, welcome our new overlords of Extreme Snowsports.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:42 am

Forget about the Snow Machine. Sauce (Boner)/Squash (Christie)/2012

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

I see what you did there, you hairy little bugger.

Designer_Rants February 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Cantor was watching teevee with the fam and asked "Who is this asshole?" When his wife informed him they were watching his 60 Minutes / Leslie Stahl profile, he decided all those people telling him to STFU on Twitter may be on to something. He'll turn back into an over-ambitious dildo soon enough.

chascates February 13, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Trick! Trick! They'll let the payroll deduction slide because they're going to raise hell on Obama's budget he just released. Ensure people making one million a year pay at least 30% in taxes? NEVER!

Radiotherapy February 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Exactly, chas, they will totally let this petty bribe slide. Luntz, Ailes, Russ and the whole gang are just developing the shit storm of propaganda that is coming our way.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:14 am

You mean the federal budget that Congress ultimately passes almost always ignoring the sitting president's suggestions? Yeah, it'd be just like this crop of Republicans to make a media's-week worth of print over something that the Congress is ultimately and constitutionally granted/required the authority to do.

MilwaukeeKent February 14, 2012 at 12:56 am

I'll gladly fall for that trick. Especially since OWS changed the dialog from the expected Tea Party masses showing up to scream, "Tax cuts for the rich! Tax cuts for the rich!" as Americans For Prosperityand other puppet-masters planned, to "Jobs! Income disparity! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!" Hard time getting traction for the clown car crowd.

facehead February 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Republicans don't approve of anal, so they make do with asshole obstructionism.

EDIT: OT, but this is kinda unbelievable:

"Joe Paterno’s status as a moral beacon remains undiminished."
http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/290898/why

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:12 am

I cannot bring myself to read that because I would prefer not to die of an aneurysm.

V572 Flambé February 14, 2012 at 12:26 am

In times of moral ambiguity and political corruption, it's always best to look to gym teachers for guidance.

glamourdammerung February 14, 2012 at 12:58 am

And that is what happens when being abrasive and acting insane is mistaken for a valid political philosophy. I would feel really bad for conservatives or whatever they are calling themselves this week if they had the basic self-awareness to realize just how disgusting they are.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:45 am

"Joe Paterno's status as immoral bacon remains undiminished."

/fixed

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Baconzgood is gonna have *some*thing to say about *that.*

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 5:32 am

Republicans don't approve of anal lube.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 7:47 am

Whaddya mean? Santorum is surging among Republicans. Apparently they prefer their lube already used.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 10:22 am

Chocolate Reign!

doloras February 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Some stay quiet and others feel the pain.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 7:51 am

It's down right unnatural, I'm sure is how they feel.

I honestly can't wait for them to start waging holy war against corrective leans and hearing aids.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

There's An Encyclical For That.®

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

I can feel the bile surging inside of me. These people truly are the cuntiest of the cunting cuntrags. May they burn.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

When you have to spend time writing a goof ball essay defending your defense of a man who ignored child rape, please just have the common courtesy to end your life. Thank you.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Srsly. I hope that filthy little raasclot who wrote that article finds himself bleeding uncontrollably from the anus for the rest of his life. May he never again be able to show himself in public as the slow seep of brown stains every pair of pantalones, every pair of underroos, every piece of furniture he ever sits on, every carpet he ever treads on, and every sheet that must be forced to endure him. These fucking motherraping father-diddling sons of sows are beyond shame.

Harry_S_Truman February 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Did Boehner finally let Lindsey Graham administer that badly-needed spanking?

No, Old Uncle Lindsey told Cantor that if didn't give in he wouldn't let Cantor play with Boehner's balls anymore.

Man0nTheStreet February 14, 2012 at 3:24 am

Remember that flap last Fall with Rep. Cantor, House Majority Leader, placing fuckin' BETS on the financial collapse of the United States?

Just how deep would President Truman have buried this shitheel under Leavenworth?

user-of-owls February 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Cantor feeds and exploits the most radical factions in the Republican Caucus

This is the real news here, the first observation in the wild of a rat willingly feeding other rats.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm

My feeling exactly. This revelation of Cantor being the main reason that Boehner can't even negotiate with Obama without danger of being deposed is fascinating.

Hopefully Bammaz can capitalize on this. He should, if he's half the politician I think he is capable of being.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

?? I thought it was common knowledge that Boehner wrested the Speakership into his own paws and Cantor resented it greatly and has tried to undermine him ever since. I believe Obama has ragged him about it publicly. This is at least the second time that I know of, the first time was during the debt rating downgrade crisis, when Obama actually seemed to lose his temper and said something to Boehner about not being able to control his own caucus.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:38 am

You're right. This isn't news. This was one of the things talked about right after the 2010 elections. Cantor was essentially running a shadow campaign for speaker the entire mid-terms.

BearNoLike February 14, 2012 at 1:01 am

As a more, eh, nuts-and-bolts guy as far as domestic policy goes, that's useful stuff to know for sub-regional management. Follow along on the treasury…

Someone, eventually, has to tell the people that will be affected "Hey, it's a new administration that doesn't like your kind. Next year, you'll probably have to come up with a new plan." Shorter: no more money sorry chump, we lied. – Uncle Sam

So considering, as one of these people that actually has to talk with people, there is a possibility that some chump like Cantor will end your payola, even though we said we'd pay it. I will be sure to tell them know to not point the rifle at ***hner, but rather **ntor. But then, everyone knows they will blamo Obama, despite fact and reality. But then, that's what racists do; say the same shit, ignoring fact and reality.

revised: Honestly, elect whoever. The people we serve are probably right to hate us all.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:51 am

Hell, when Boehner was at news conferences earlier this year, Cantor started standing behind him with one of these. I think it was a dead giveaway.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 7:12 am

He seems like such a sneaky little shit I would've figured him more as a piano wire kind of guy.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Ahem! Injudicious choice of words, dear CRE. Let's stick to "giveaway," shall we, all unadorned and plain.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:17 am

Ha! That was good!

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

The reason Eric Cantor has been acting like such a dick is he's been under the influence of pon farr. Spock is there to take him back to Vulcan so he can either find a mate or die trying.

neiltheblaze February 13, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Cantor seems to have more of the Romulan about him.

I can't believe I'm parsing Star Trek metaphors.

flamingpdog February 13, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I picture Cantor as standing momentariy dazed after William Shatner bounces a giant paper-mache boulder off of him.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 12:23 am

Try and picture something better; I mean, Kirk was a horndog pushover; imagine what an actual tough captain like Sisqo would do to him.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 13, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Nahh, Cantor is more of a Trelane, very very pleased with his power and ability to display the insignias of power, but insanely petulant when he fails to get his way.

To which I can only say, Fuq Q.

not that Dewey February 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Can you imagine how differently things might have gone if, in Encounter at Far Point, instead of Picard we had had Cantor representing the humans?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 14, 2012 at 12:10 am

(I do feel compelled to point out that the notion that Trelane is a Q, despite the novel Q-Squared, is not canonical.

Even if John Delancie thinks so.

Jesus, I am a nerd.)

SorosBot February 13, 2012 at 11:49 pm

And here I thought the Star Trek stereotypical analogues meant Cantor was a Ferengi.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 8:01 am

His demeanor is definately more Ferengi-like but his head is too small. Perhaps a hybrid that the Ferengi bred in a lab as a mole?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:16 am

Would it be cruel of me to hope for the second option? Because I really can't think of any creature that would willingly mate with Eric Cantor.

V572 Flambé February 14, 2012 at 12:29 am

Gingrich, of course, is all tribble.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:20 am

Or mebbe this guy?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

You Mudd-slinging little pdog, you.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:55 am

The real question: Just how can we get Eric Cantor to wear a Red Shirt?

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

Tell him it's what all the cool kids (young republicans) are wearing.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Pssst! Hey, Eric! I've got a cool new Limited Edition Young Republican Red State Strike Force T-Shirt just for you!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Tell him Britney Spears wants him to.

JustPixelz February 14, 2012 at 6:39 am

And … did you see what an armpit of a planet Vulcan is? Spock tells Kirk "This land has been in my family for generations." Well, duh. He didn't mention it had been on the market for almost as long. It's no surprise Vulcans mastered spaceflight before humans. Anything to get off that miserable place.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:08 am

The reason Eric Cantor has been acting like such a dick is …

that he is a dick.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 9:41 am

I used to live in his district would never really give him credit for being anything other than a nasty, little weasel prick. He always reminded me of the stereotypical whiny, skinny kid who got beat up on the playground but instead of going into computers to exact his revenge on the world he went into politics.

PlanetWingNut February 14, 2012 at 1:58 pm

wouldn't it be bearded spock that would be with the republicans?

neiltheblaze February 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Shocking! Eric Cantor is an untrustworthy, self-interested backstabber.

This may be true – but nothing will ever make me feel sorry for John Boehner.

Designer_Rants February 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

What, you can't compromise your feelings toward Boehner?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm

You don't have to *like* Boehner to take Cantor down, you know.

Chillwillard February 13, 2012 at 11:07 pm

You know your party is doomed when Cuntor and Boner can't get along.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 13, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Jim Newell watches and disapproves. That cunt.

Chillwillard February 14, 2012 at 12:14 am

I already got Newelled once today. Maybe I'll get away with this one…

Fukui_sanYesOta February 14, 2012 at 2:25 am

It took so much effort not to reply "That cunt." to when you posted "I got Newelled."

I'm sure he's cool with it really.

neiltheblaze February 14, 2012 at 7:03 am

I think Jim objects to using "cunt" in reference to a woman – even if the woman is Sarah Palin. I don't know his thoughts on calling a man a cunt. Or even a shifty-eyed, twitchy little invertebrate like Cantor.

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

how about, Conservatives Unglued, Not Thinking.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:24 am

I think you really know your party is doomed when you find your party vociferously bashing Clint Eastwood and American Exceptionalism during a feel-good Superbowl commercial. I tell you, that is where the party should have jumped the shark for people paying less attention to politics than us.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

I was surprised they didn't get burned when Shelby kept pumping for the Japanese automakers and trying to block the bailout – not just quietly but openly speechifying about it – because they build lots of factories in Alabama and run them with non-union labor. But he skated because bailouts are generally unpopular.

But now the money is mostly paid back, the govt. shares are being sold back (if they haven't been all sold already – I'm not completely on top of the schedule), GM is making a profit and Chrysler seems likely to survive as a real car maker (rather than as a couple of brands like Jeep sold off elsewhere while the company as a whole gets Bained) the whole "bailout was evil, Government Motors = DMV hawhaw" line isn't getting traction. Quite the opposite, an ad talking about US automakers/Detroit bouncing back hurts Republicans by reminding people of this.

OK, so be it guys – you lost, fold your hand before you make it worse. But as the Schiavo thing showed, they just can't bring themselves to slough off losing cards. So they draw attention to the fact by complaining about a Republican talking about (advertising speak, but the kind that resonates) an American return to greatness.

Biff February 14, 2012 at 8:52 am

Upfist for "verbing" of bain.
Used to have an extreme rightie colleague who worked for the same government agency I did (socialist!) and decried the auto bail-out, Government Motors, etc on the blogs by night, but by day, he bought a new Chevy truck and a Malibu for his wife. That is when I knew they couldn't be taken seriously.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

Three times apparently.

PlanetWingNut February 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Once, Twice, Three times an accunt

littlebigdaddy February 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

10% favorability ratings will do that. Charles Manson has greater popular appeal.

Biff February 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Damn it, I'm sick and tired of IntenseHate! http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/

not that Dewey February 14, 2012 at 12:08 am

Well, that was a stupid column. Sure, Tom, what US America needs is MORE opposition to the Democrats. We've tried "a lot of opposition" and "full, balls-to-the-wall opposition", but can't we get creative? Why did I read that?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

I thought it was really funny when he said there should be a Republican leader willing to take on the challenges of global warming, which any sane person knows is a myth made up by liberal scientists in the hopes that they'll be liked by environmentalist hippie chicks who don't even shave their legs.

not that Dewey February 14, 2012 at 9:50 am

What's even funnier is that he defines this hypothetical "political party" with a series of platform initiatives — government funding of science, investment in education and infrastructure, renewable energy technologies, acknowledgment that the earth cannot sustain 7 billion American lifestyles — if only there were a party that promoted these ideas. Ho hum. Or, should I say, "so it goes"

Designer_Rants February 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

Oops, I linked to that too, after you. That guy drives me nuts, especially when he's in Full Bookselling Mode like he was a few months ago (where he says the EXACT SAME ELEVATOR SPEECH on every media outlet that will have him in a two-week span), but I liked how his advice was to wad up the entire GOP and flush them down the crapper. I've been saying that for years! (giant paychecks, please.)

Barrelhse February 14, 2012 at 8:11 am

To be fair, Charles Manson was a nicer person.

ttommyunger February 13, 2012 at 11:14 pm

If there is one arena where dicks and assholes belong together, it is in the Republican Caucus.

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 8:00 am

Or just in a Republican.

ttommyunger February 14, 2012 at 8:22 am

Should be Rethuglican Cockus.

flamingpdog February 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Notably, the offer was issued by both House Speaker John Boehner, the top Republican, and his deputy Eric Cantor, who has often taken a more hardline approach in budget negotiations with Democrats over the past year.

And in related news today, the White House announced that henceforth all Presidential statements will be released and all bills will be signed by both Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden. " Ha, ha, just kidding", said the President's assistant press secretary – Mr. Biden may be getting old and forgetful, but he still isn't a salted rat dick-gnawing, regularly-pulsating, gangrenous, dentate hemorrhoid excised from the ass of Crush Limpballs, coated with steaming rancid santorum."

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:19 am

Wow, pdog, that was just a fine, fine (wipes tear) … I mean, dood (loosens tie, swallows)

You really know how to lay a good curse, pdog.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:34 am

That was Most Excellent.

Boojum_Reborn February 14, 2012 at 5:39 am

Up fisties for dentate hemorrhoid.

SorosBot February 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm

And here I thought Boehner was vulnerable to this rivalry because he's too constantly drunk to think straight and so can be out-maneuvered by your average sixth grader.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

I always thought being drunk prevented Boehner?

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

Normally, but I guess functional alcoholics are so used to it that they still work. Pity for Mrs. Boehner.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I wouldn't worry too much about Mrs. Boehner. It's well known that John's been burying his boehner in someone else, at least in Warshington.

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 11:22 am

Oh and I must complement you; you are very talented at handling Boehner puns.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

Thank you very much for the enthusiastic thumbs up!

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

Hey, I always thumb up your comments, to give you a little more p-ness. Also because they're funny.

valgal2342 February 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Spock looks bored because there is no one on that stage he would want to perform a Vulcan mind probe on.

flamingpdog February 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I hope Spock never attempts a Vulcan mind meld on Boner – I hear Vulcans are total assholes when they're drunk.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:05 am

There's plenty of Vulcan Nerve Pinch opportunities, though. I say he goes for it.

JustPixelz February 14, 2012 at 6:41 am

Rhetoric set to stun.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:35 am

IF he tried to do a mimd meld with any of them, all he'd get is a message saying "this line has been disconnected…"

orygoon February 13, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Backstabbing? Eric Cantor reminds me of reading Julius Caesar in eighth grade. So I'm not the only one?

fuflans February 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm

yeah but by 4,3 you actually care about cassius.

cantor? not so much.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

It is true that Cantor seems to be getting thinner every year. (Not joking – check out pictures over the years, the guy is getting positively skeletal. Or perhaps I should say Skeletorial.)

I understand that men with such a lean and hungry look are dangerous.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

And, it's not just the men. Ever see a gaggle of supermodels fight over a craft services table at a photo shoot? Them's some vicious bitches. Many a finger has been lost in such a scenario.

imissopus February 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm

That boy ain't right.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:24 am

Which one?

imissopus February 14, 2012 at 1:13 am

Well, either. I was thinking of Cantor just because Cardoza was ripping him and semi-defending Boehner. Heh heh, semi-Boehner.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:52 am

"Ward, I think you were awfully hard on the Boehner last night."

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 7:42 am

Yeah, I was being facetious and hoping maybe to get an "all of them, Katie" out of someone. I know, lame, but I don't have much, today. I ain't too proud to beg on slow days.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

Hitler!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Aw, kiddo! (Hugs the Negropolis)

DaSandman February 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Joan of Arc. With ERIC CANTOR as Joan. And pyro….go!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHA

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

Hears voices recommending lunatic courses of action – check. Thinks it's God talking – check….

I think you're on to something.

deanbooth February 13, 2012 at 11:26 pm

It's a trap!

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 3:01 am

Ezra Klein, king of the economic graph, proposed that very thing on Maddow's show tonight. He thinks if the Dems embrace this capitulation, tomorrow the Republicans will reveal that their price is a reduction that will effect Medicare pay-outs to doctors and the elimination of the part of the bill addressing unemployment benefits.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

Has anyone ever seen Klein and Cilizza on the same set together?

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I know … they're eerily similar, aren't they.But I like Ezra better.It's not easy to illustrate complex information in a way that is understandable and also packs a punch.Cilizza, not so much.

emmelemm February 14, 2012 at 3:41 am

I would have put this in all caps, myself. This is more than a trap, it's a TRAP!!

Lucidamente1 February 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Looks like somebody's wound up in the remainders bin:

http://www.amazon.com/Young-Guns-Generation-Conse

V572 Flambé February 14, 2012 at 12:31 am

Even at $0.01/copy, it's still a tad expensive.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

For a book, sure, but as toilet paper the price can't be beat!

orygoon February 14, 2012 at 1:28 am
ShaveTheWhales February 14, 2012 at 1:32 am

That's just beautiful.

DemmeFatale February 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

Thanks for sharing.
(sheds tear, *sniff*)

BarackMyWorld February 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I'll believe they're ready to compromise when the (often misunderstood) extension of unemployment benefits gets passed along with it.

People need to realize that if the extension doesn't pass, EVERYONE loses their federal unemployment benefits, which especially sucks when you consider many state benefits have been cut back.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Lil Eric, you should just hold your breath until you get your way, or die. whatever.

Joshua Norton February 13, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Most obvious is the jealousy and back-stabbing of the Majority Leader, Eric Cantor (R-Va.)

Hubris or stupidity?

You don’t have to choose just one, you know….

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

I am sure that little prick has never, in his miserable life, been happy with just one of anything.
"I want it all and I want it now… and ALL OF THEM… AND NOW!!"

WhatTheHeck February 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Know what got them in the mood to compromise? They’re suddenly afraid they would end up in the congressional bathtub and the last thing they want to see departing this life is the orange glow of Boehner’s.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:22 am

Poll numbers must be looking *really* grim for them. I just don't believe they would give in this easily. Either Hopey threatened the fuckers with Seal Team 6, or they're each personally polling below 30% in their own districts.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I've found I too tend to compromise my ideals when I have a boehner.

Biff February 13, 2012 at 11:42 pm

OT Oh gawd, Colbert just ran a pair of TruckNutz through a table saw!

Callyson February 13, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Thus making him a ball buster. I hope that the staffers for Obama who have to deal with the Reeps were watching and taking notes on how it's done.

not that Dewey February 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Just off camera, behind Mr Spock, to Cantor's left, is a guy with a machete.

Callyson February 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Is this a roundabout way of announcing that Eric Cantor has slipped into a coma?
Unfortunately, he's still kicking…
…the approval rating for the Republican party, on the other hand, is on its last legs…

FlipOffResearch February 14, 2012 at 12:54 am

Don't worry about the Republican party. I'm sure their opposition to birth control will revitalize their popularity.

SorosBot February 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Meanwhile Romney is one of the Founders of the Dominion (you know, the shape changers).

Fukui_sanYesOta February 14, 2012 at 12:05 am

Here's Willard on a horse
http://www.gettyimages.com/Search/Search.aspx?ass

A lovely 2004 puff piece because he's fucking Mitt Romney.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:24 am

I find it rather … telling that Willard's horses (an entire stable full of *dressage* horses, to be precise) have health care, something he would like to deny to his fellow-citizens.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 14, 2012 at 2:23 am

Those horses have the help of a benevolent owner, much like workers in Republican Nirvana.

Actually, not much like that because they have healthcare. Why can't those freeloading equine fucks work a second job to pay for that? Maybe janitorial work or being a Budweiser ad-whore.

emmelemm February 14, 2012 at 3:37 am

And, if their legs break, they'll be shot.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Dressage horses don't *do* janitorial work, dood. Too high-falutin'. Beautiful creatures, but unbelievably expensive to purchase, and even more expensive to maintain. $100K per year per animal.

That's 2.5 times what an average American family of four has to live on. Must be nice to be Romney-rich, eh?

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:43 am

To be fair, Mitt would also be willing to give health care to any of his fellow citizens who would dance in front of a crowd in unnatural and painful poses carrying Mitt on their backs.

It's in his heath care plan – check out Appendix 3 Section 2: Supplementary Benefit for Equine and Related Structured Performance.

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

Horses must be more tolerant of androids than other animals. You'll never see a picture of him petting a German Shepherd.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 7:59 pm

German shepherds, being predators, can do a lot more damage to Mittens than those poor horsies.

unclejeems February 14, 2012 at 2:56 am

Yeah, Mitt's on the horse's back, only because he couldn't get the horse on the roof of his station wagon.

Biff February 14, 2012 at 9:05 am

Shoulda bought a stair car instead of a Family Truckster

ThundercatHo February 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

He looks about as natural on a horse as he does in a Carhart coat.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

The horse is?

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 1:58 am

I always get confused when I see a horse with its ass on its back instead of its back end.

Callyson February 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

his jealousy often mires his caucus in ideological impotence.
So, Cantor can't get a Boehner. Not surprised to hear that.

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 12:02 am

President Obama ribbed the Speaker saying, “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

see, bamz, these kind of nasty funny smart things are why people love you. you should keep saying these things.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:00 am

Say them more, Barry. Let the snark be in you, and with you. Ramen.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:39 am

Ribbed, for our pleasure.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 12:04 am

I haven't seen a relationship as toxic as Eric and Johnny's since, well, Bobby & Whitney, Kurt & Courtney, Amy & Blake, and Kim K & (fill in the blank).

SorosBot February 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

Too soon! (OK not really, but someone had to say it).

succalina February 14, 2012 at 1:01 am

Sid and Nancy…

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

an this one end similarly? Eric Cantor is stabbed late at night in the Chelsea Hotel, and John Boenher drinks himself to death awaiting trial?

imissopus February 14, 2012 at 1:15 am

Shaq and Kobe…

cheaphits February 14, 2012 at 1:46 am

Newt and anyone with two X chromosomes.

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:03 am

Me and my ex.

Lascauxcaveman February 14, 2012 at 2:39 am

Rob and Laura. No. Wait, I'm doing this wrong…

Man0nTheStreet February 14, 2012 at 3:37 am

McWALNUTS!! & JoeMentum
- but the furtive hatesex makes it all worthwhile…

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 8:12 am

I got my ex, before she was my ex, a box of those little candy hearts that have endearments on them, like "Be Mine" and "Blow Me" and "Let Me Sit on Your Face" and "Please Swallow." I'm so fucking smooth.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:47 am

That's so beautiful. But sad too: If a magical connection like that could die, no relationship can be counted as secure.

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

All I can say is
Love stinks.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 8:01 pm

How long between that gift and the divorce papers, dood?

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:09 am

Anybody know if we can track Boehner's booze consumption in any way? You know, pull up public records of Scotch sales in the closest bars for the past year? Just wanna see how he's dealing with that little snake in his back pocket, Eric Cantor. That whiny little putz.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:51 am

Maybe he's joined the religion that uses magic mushrooms in its ceremonies. That would also explain why he's going along with the politically suicidal campaign against birth control. He figures it's the price he has to pay to keep the supply of Bohner's little helpers safe.

Antispandex February 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

Oh damn! That "Eric Cantor in a coma" thing really got me. For just a second there I was imagining a rational government. Then, realized two things: It was a joke, and there are still lots of Teapublicans left to muck things up.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 8:53 am

Being in a coma doesn't stop someone from wreaking havoc on the Republican party. Look at Terri Schiavo.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

Cantor in a coma
I know, I know,
It's serious…

There were times when I could have "strangled" him…
But I'd hate to cut other spending to pay for him.

Designer_Rants February 14, 2012 at 12:33 am

OT, but did anyone read the Thomas Friedman editorial yesterday? Other than this Friedmanism (god do those annoy) about "H.I.E.s" and "L.I.E.s", it was interesting, about how the current Republican party should just be wadded up and thrown into the shitter. (duh)

Then there's this post from Legal Planet which is a nice reiteration and drilldown.

imissopus February 14, 2012 at 1:22 am

Yeah, years and years after everyone else realized how nuts they are, Friedman finally comes around. The lib blogger over at Driftglass tore him a new one over that column today.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:31 am

Well, now that's interesting. Did a Pakistani cabdriver finally clue him in?

In all seriousness, it's a measure of just how Bolshevist the Republican party has become and how wildly dysfunctional they've made our political process that it's even become apparent to Mr. Third Way.
(We will also accept the descriptive The Moustache of Understanding.)

Designer_Rants February 14, 2012 at 7:15 am

I'll try to remember this: "The Moustache of Understanding". You know how Jim Newell does the great Peggington Noonington posts? I think it was Hamilton Nolan at Gawker who used to do some great Friedman critiques.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I've read and appreciated Ham Nolan's work. I forget where I ran into the Moustache phrase, maybe from Steve Benen, so I Googled it.
By Golly, there's a A Website Now! Enjoy.

ManchuCandidate February 14, 2012 at 12:41 am

The "smurter" side led by Boner realizes that they're heading to a world of hurt in Nov if they can't get their fat rascal laden anchor babies known as the Teabaggers to smarten the fuck up and the 2012 GOPer preznit nominee is uninspiring and lifeless aka Rom-bot.

SayItWithWookies February 14, 2012 at 12:52 am

Poor John Boehner — it must be hard trying to drive the bus off the cliff when there's always some asshole in the seat next to you trying to wrench the steering wheel out of your hands and drive off a higher cliff.

Man0nTheStreet February 14, 2012 at 4:50 am

They've got competing Faustian Deals with the Multinational Corporations' Legal/"Security" units that plan to profit from the wreckage.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 7:49 am

'tis a veritable comedy of errors, it is.

MilwaukeeKent February 14, 2012 at 1:08 am

As some comedian said (paraphrase) "Cantor, they're not going to take you with them when the rapture happens." Maybe he figured that out and decided to shut up and get out of the way. Wonder why they didn't hold off on this until late Friday or dump it late last Friday. Late Monday, it will likely be in the news cycle all week, at a low simmer, and that is odd timing. Maybe the adults of the GOP are finally making the children take a time-out. Too late, old men, too late.

pinkocommi February 14, 2012 at 1:09 am

It is a case of mixing asshole (Cantor) and orange (Boehner).

MilwaukeeKent February 14, 2012 at 1:39 am

And the result is (drum roll please):
Santorum!
(w/ orange-colored lube).

Radiotherapy February 14, 2012 at 2:33 am

Worst. Screwdriver. Ever.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Turns out I DID NOT want to know the secret recipe for an Orange Julius.

bagofmice February 14, 2012 at 8:41 am

ASS TO ASS! Poop it back and forth!

That was actually a song done by my dearly departed friend's band: The Internet.

Millennial Malaise February 14, 2012 at 1:54 am

The simplest answer? The election. Last I checked, Cantor's approval rating (not to mention congress' overall) was in the toilet.

The Republicans have been playing a thoughtless game of chicken with the country for awhile now, and ignorant as they are, many Americans are going to notice come November. After the Democrats starting suggesting their own ideas to them, the Party of NObama was born. The Rethugs have whittled their party down to a tiny sliver of melanin-challenged, minimally literate wingnuts that no longer follow marching orders. Sticking your fingers in your ears and screaming "NO!" isn't a platform and they ain't got shit to show for all their huff and puff.

Jukesgrrl February 14, 2012 at 3:07 am

But do the Dems have anyone to run against him? The VA Dem Party doesn't have a very good track record of coming up with viable candidates lately. What a shame it would be to lose the opportunity to slam this bastard (so he can run for president in eight years just like Santorum).

flamingpdog February 14, 2012 at 2:14 am

OT, but FROTHY ALERT: According to my youngest son's boyfriend, Ricky Santorum is in Seattle tonight as part of a scheduled appearance to get people to start gathering signatures to put a referendum and an initiative on the ballot to repeal gay marriage in Washington.

I bet the ink isn't even dry on the legislation.

SayItWithWookies February 14, 2012 at 2:33 am

Just saw this on the news. If they can get enough signatures to put the law to a referendum it won't come into force until the populace votes on it, possibly November.

emmelemm February 14, 2012 at 3:38 am

And he got MASSIVELY glitterbombed, apparently.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:12 am

It's too bad he didn't get Santorum-bombed.

Barrelhse February 14, 2012 at 8:22 am

States Rights! Huh, Rick?

bagofmice February 14, 2012 at 8:45 am

More Tacoma and Olympia. Remember, Dan Savage lives on Capitol Hill in Seattle.

And our Capitol Hill is a real goddamned hill you can snowboard down. Not like that landscaping project they have in DC. It's also Castro-level gay.

imissopus February 14, 2012 at 2:42 am

MR. FUFLANS LIBEL!!11!

valthemus February 14, 2012 at 4:45 am

Nothin' like the noble, deeply complex and high-minded affairs of our members of congress to remind us all that Gossip Girl is still on the air.

Negropolis February 14, 2012 at 7:46 am

I'm pretty proud of myself that I've never seen an episode, or even a piece of an episode of that show. But, I make up for it with all kinds of other shitty television I end up watching.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:08 am

Barry: “Mr. Boehner, it’s good to see you sitting at the main table. I know how badly Mr. Cantor wanted that seat!”

Oh, Snap! I wonder if he wrote that himself? Bet he did.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 5:14 am

Schaden, meet freude.

C_R_Eature February 14, 2012 at 6:36 am

Eric Cantor = Ferret-Face.

That is all.

DahBoner February 14, 2012 at 7:54 am

If Eric Cantor drowns Boener in Grover Norquist's bathtub, will there be an orange ring???

HarryButtle February 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Who cares? Can we get Grover to help and when both he and Cantor are elbow-deep holding Boehner down, toss a toaster in for good measure?

glamourdammerung February 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

I am confused about this "flip-flop". I thought the Republicans were in such a fantastic position and there was some kind of teabagging tidal wave coming in November. After all, that is what all the teabaggers keep screaming in between the casual racism and idle threats.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

Clearly they haven't been screaming enough, and the stuff like "food stamp president" and "teach blacks to want a job" is just too damned subtle. They better crank it to 11.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Someone needs to say n*gger.

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Very true. No more of this cutesy “knicker” stuff for them.—

weej_bain February 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

Yesterday the WSP, Washington Santorum Patrol, screwed-up and let Senator Frothy sneak into Olympia just an hour after Governor Chris Gregoire sign into law our new gay marriage law. Old Rickie was so pleased by this he went north to Tacoma for a let's TASE some jobless, glitter bombing, Occupy Tacoma hippies and general fecalfied lubing event.

Go hippies, go. Fight hippies, fight. Win hippies, win. Rah, too, also

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

Cardoza: "Rawr!" After listening to 4 years of their bullshit, it's about time the catty Republican bitches got a claw in the cheek.

elburritodeluxe February 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Taking a page from the Republican playbook, Obama should veto it, and demand that it includes a provision for full funding for Planned Parenthood before he'll sign it.

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 10:43 am

OT, but we're going to war with Iran soon, aren't we?

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Sure appears so. And it's totally in our interests because of…well the …er… well there's the ….um… it's the …hm…

What could possibly go wrong? Just everything, I'm sure.

Dashboard Buddha February 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Landwar…asia

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Well, now that that bomber blew off his leg and got caught …

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

OK… it is nearly 8 o'clock here…

BaldarTFlagass February 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

Don't these guys live on the east coast? It's almost fucking lunchtime there.

Blueb4sunrise February 14, 2012 at 11:05 am

They forgot it's V-Day, and are running around trying to find roses and chocolate dildos for us.

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

Whenever you don't need them chocolate dildos are everywhere. But once you actually *need* one, they are no where to be found.

DaRooster February 14, 2012 at 11:11 am

I'll be right back…

Blueb4sunrise February 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

'chocolate dildos' got me my hundreth p!!!!! Thanks to MissT , Baldar, and DaRooster [I guess]

Drinks are on Ken Layne!!!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Um … oh, hell, I need to start hangin' out with you.

Abernathy February 14, 2012 at 11:26 am

"I respect him and we have worked well together. " I call bullshit–we all know Boner doesn't do work.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"I respect him and we have worked drank well together."

ttommyunger February 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"House GOP Mysteriously Filled With Spirit of Compromise." And a frothy mix……

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I thought there was a Mr. fuflans!

fuflans February 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

well yes, there is a mr. fuflans.

we had krazy glue and chocolate for valentine's day.

true story.

Chet Kincaid February 15, 2012 at 9:28 am

No romantic skating down at the Midway rink?

Chichikovovich February 14, 2012 at 7:55 am

I will be sure to tell them know to not point the rifle at ***hner, but rather **ntor

I think you mean "point the transit". Or "point the theodolite" if you're a fancy-pants. Remember, we're now following the Palin manual of threat-making (2nd rev. ed.).

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

This whole meme can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

Fare la Volpe February 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Today, we are are all Hitler being shipped to Afghanistan.

Chet Kincaid February 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

One word: Alaskunt®. A registered trademark of Limeylizzie.

KenLayIsAlive February 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

haha. If only….

Just as an experiment, I'd like to burn Thomas Friedman for fuel." The stupid, it burns" – true enough. I think it's finally time to see how hot.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

WHY are these people all so frighteningly stupid. WHY? Didn't they attend the same schools we did, read the same books, come equipped with the same gray matter? WTF are we supposed to think of these worthless feckin' losers?

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender February 14, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Hey, Friedman, why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooon?

MissTaken February 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

Your thumb makes my p-ness big.

MosesInvests February 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

Also, too.

imissopus February 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I for one welcome our new Hitlerian overlords.

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Chocolate dildos will do that for ya! Not to mention all kinds of other stuff.

Congrats!

MittBorg February 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Oh, my!

not that Dewey February 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm

We are human only to the extent that our ideas are humane.

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