Sen. Chuck Grassley h s an iphone, you guys.
CHUCK GRASSLEY'S TWITTER 6:47 pm February 13, 2012
Hot Breaking Chuck Grassley Twitter Telephone Action
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 204 comments }
Let the autocorrect nightmares begin!
No, I meant President Obama is a near.
Don't worry, he had an intern disable autocorrect.
Wow, what's next? A fridge with an ice maker, fingers crossed!
A new ribbon for his Underwood!
He's a typical Rethuglican warmongerer – moar likely he haz an ICBM Selectric.
He'll copy his tweets by using carbon paper.
No more mattresses on the floor in THAT house.
An ELECTRIC washer machine! Shucks and by golly, we're in the 20th century now!
Maytag made gasoline powered models for years, Chucklenuts might have had his tighty whities done with a more robust version of a lawnmower engine.
One of them under counter boxes that washes the dishes?
Watch that, buddy. In this house, the dishwasher has two legs.
Haha good call by you. Upfist, sir.
I shoulda said "two arms," huh? It's not like anyone ever washes dishes with their legs.
Some of us do not have smartphones.
Not a hipster, just a curmudgeon that does not see a point in spending the dough for something I would never use.
Some of us don't even have a cellphone.
I only have a cellphone because I travel a bit and did not bother getting a land line. But with a usage of maybe an hour a month at most, I am just not the demographic they are looking for.
Mine came with free minutes. I think I now have like several DAYS worth of freebies on it because I almost never use it. I do keep the landline because cellphone reception at Eagleshit Towers is worse than useless.
Ironically, "smartphones" seem to make some people even more stupid.
I have a cellphone mostly for work & in case of any potential emergency situations. Otherwise I wouldn't have it at all. I've never spent more than $30 for a cell & haven't upgraded since 2006.
Verizon Wireless hates my guts.
It does seem in most cases the smart phones have the IQ in the family.
It is quite an age we live in.
I'll bet that when he goes to buy a new car he still asks for R&H* as options, although he hasn't sprung for a clutchless car yet.
That's radio and heater for you younguns.
One doesn't spring for a clutchless car; one makes a choice. Do you want a sport performance car or a cruiser? I'm of the opinion that any off-road style suv or sports/muscle car should only be sold with a clutch.
Are you crazy? Most people that drive SUVs are moronic enough… add to their driving style a clutch? The roads could get even worse than they already are… Lord help us.
(I do agree though… maybe it would keep some of the soccer moms out of vehicles that most of them can't handle)
Well I don't have one of those, either.
I just want to give him an indulgent slightly patronizing pat on the head.
Color TV.
Sigh…I ne d a n p
Therz a nap 4 th a t .
cuntgralshuns sen blather!!
NEEDZ NEW SQUIRLZ
It was a typo, he meant he has an HIV phone.
He's the receiver.
And you claim you're not capable of teh funny on teh drugs. Hah.
It's the Lenny Bruce/John Belushi syndrome.
Barb is the devil's tail injecting snark into the fatty upper arm of stupid, said some charming commenter the other day. Looks like her surgery has NOT robbed her of Teh Funnay.
I always suspected iPhones were Magic.
CLOUD'S CLOSED.
Kll me nw, Chck. Stp misry.
H v iphone, still wngtrd.
Just be glad he never figured out instant messaging.
Hey ch ck, s ck my bal z
That made me laugh so much that I farted, hnstly.
Im vry sry lzzie
2nd day w/ iphone got soocide note frm siri. now scrn blank. what gives?
@ChuckGrassley
Do U hav Prnc Albrt N a can?
He has Prnc Albrt N his can.
Let's hope someone will hack it and see what other connections there are between C-Grass and "Joshua Q. Cummins".
Mom, grandpa's making an idiot of himself on Twitter again!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT CHUCK GRASSLEY HAS HIV/AIDS!! #fullblown
I heard that too!!!
This is confirmation we've needed!
Retweeting!
I heard he wants to get beat (off?) by Chris Brown.
Google proves it, legislatively speaking!
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/adam-freed/9/226/343
Didju tweet that? Cos if u did I hz 2 folo u
Let's play a game. Can you guess which tweets were written by Grassley and which ones were written by America's Sweetheart, Courtney Stodden?
1. A
2. Who's ready for Friday Floor Flash?! Show me yours: will RT my fave! MUAH!
3. Had a minute to stop for coffee and a roll in Osceola and wound up with the largest sweet roll I've ever seen at the Family Table enuf43pl.
4. Flaunting a flirty fantasy this Monday night as I coaxingly kiss the mister that I fancy most. XOs,muah!
5. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
T
Oh this is the first I've heard of this chick. Weird, weird world we live in, man.
yeah…17 going on 45.
I call bullshit. Those are all from CHK ASSLY
The first four are. But the last one is actually Courtney Stodden.
#hesucksalot2
Those poor poor Angry Birds…
I'd rather read that a chimpanzee bought a loaded gun.
Less dangerous.
And maybe funnier.
Far more photogenic, too.
This Ape Kills Fascists.
OMG. Who IS that marvelous ape?
Senator John "BuggerMeBlind" McCain
When repeating a joke about rape
Where the perp's a magnificent ape,
Just make sure that the press
On the Straight Talk Express
Don't record your performance on tape.
That'd be absolutely bananas.
This is how it reads in the technology he grew up with: .. — .– .- / .. … / –. .- -.– .-.-.- / -.-. — .-. -. / .. … / –. .- -.– .-.-.-
I've never seen hieroglyphics that looked quite like those.
You've never read cuneiform.
Yeah but he did read going rouge three times in the bathroom until he stopped going rouge.
oh, cunEIform. never mind.
I'd show you the Signal Flag version, but this is clearly the wrong technological platform.
shvit
Do I understand he now has a hyphen?
r et ar d
Welcome back, J m!
"Siri, show me a map of corn lobbyists close to here."
#i'm sorry. were you searching for porn boy lists?#
Chuck answers that question with a "HLL YS I LUV RNTBYS"
Ah Tech can also be used for EVIL.
And Twitter haz a sad.
Oooo! He's got an I Phone. How long before he gets a clue?
Those cost a LOT more.
OMG Sentr. dont u hv wrk 2 do? lol
Installing Grindr app in 3….2…..1…..
gmta….but I'm not deleting my comment.
Chuck, if you have trouble hitting all the right letters on the keypad 'cause your fingers are too pudgy, you should try using the pointy stick you have up your ass instead.
I dnt gv a sht.
I just just thought of that.
If i on y h d abrain
Hey there, pretty lady! How you doin?
So much for Apple being cool.
New Motto: Think Like A Dickwad
Looks like they'll be adding more nets around the Foxconn plant in Shenzhen.
I saw this as 'I now have HIV, phone'. Must be my lysdexia acting up.
So it IS true that Grassley has HIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I heard it on Twitter, it MUST be Twoo!
It'd be irresponsible not to speculate!
I now h v an iPhone. Ho Ho Ho.
Need mah bucket.
Oh noes!
Chuck can have my bucket if he promises to kick it.
Pray for the poor customer support people!
Momma whenz dinR
Took him 3 years to figure out how to spell it in order to place an order for one.
Now I've got to have one!
He only bought it after he made sure that lots of underage children toiled long hours in sub-human conditions to make it.
I hope he did not call 911 about the erection lasting for more than four hours. They frown on that.
Tel brkr 2 sell RIM stk b/c old guy chnging phone
h v s k of r t d ks, g assley
You forgot to add "l ghtly p s n d nd s lt d."
Jitterbug makes an iPhone…who knew?
I for one refuse to send more manufacturing jobs to China like traitorous Senator Grassley. I will be sticking with my early 90's Motorola. Sure it's the size of a Soviet era refrigerator and has the battery longevity of a Rush Limaugh erection but that's the way I role.
It's the raw redneck excitement of getting something technological to prove you're not clueless. Half the meth cookers in Iowa have one too for sales and service chuckles…
In related news, Apple stock plunged as hipsters everywhere threw away their iPhones in disgust. "If that old bastard starts listening to bands I like, I may just have to kill myself," said one Portland resident.
h v means high voltage in my world. If I'm right, this should be interesting.
amps would be good also.
Amps for Gramps. That's a charity I could give to.
Have our standards as a nation sunk so low that we do not expect our congressional representatives to have morals, a backbone or the ability to spell?
Yes, yes, and….umm, yes.
mst rstrn slf
How many Grassleys on iPhones would it take to produce Hamlet?
You can't afford it.
2B r ~ 2B.
th ? !!
Sffr slngs ->'s of >:-o frtn.< arms gnst C trbles?
Consider putting ALL of Sh k s p r on Twitter, Chich.
THx – but I keep getting screwed up by the html: > is supposed to be a greater than sign. and < was my attempt to get the greater than sign a different way. Merely typing the greater than sign, of course, won't work with html.
D'you know how to get special html symbols for posts?
<Just> <type> <them> <in>. So long as they're not enclosing a (permitted) recognized tag, they work fine.
I use this site: http://ascii.cl/htmlcodes.htm
Among others. Guppy sez just type them in, but that doesn't work unless you close the angle bracket, which is not what you're trying to do. >
All of them, Guppy.
How much is he getting paid for that promotional tweet?
u kno wut i m? i'm ur worst nitemare, man—an old dumb cracker wiv a iPhone :)
some1 told me about this grindr thing, cant wait to use it!
I've never been happier to have an Android.
Mrs. Romney has an android too.
Why not get an American made smart phone, Communist!
Ca n'existe pas!
La diffamation de fabrication d'Américain!
Cool, another aHole with an iPhone.
Once he found out they were made by poorly paid, physically exploited workers you couldn't keep him away.
AS H LE STILL C N'T SPE L
#electedruminant
There you go, Owls!
In other surprising developments, I have a mullet and am currently pantsless. ALERT THE FUCKING MEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zat chu? http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/02/13/florida-man…
It cost him so much he couldn't afford to buy a vowel.
He can afford an iPhone, because his socialized medicine is all covered by that sweet, sweet Congress health plan.
Doesn't this stupid old man have any grandkids that can teach him how to stop fucking everything up and let them handle anything having to do with computers?
Wonkette Manual of Style, 5 ed.:
References to Chuck Grassley should always include his proper modifier: elected ruminant.
Did you know that the nilgai is a type of (typically non-elected) ruminant?
I think I can use that in my next rap about the founding fathers. I can say "nilgai", right?
Be careful. I think there's a Palin child who's a nilgai.
I don't think any of the Palins have the cognitive capacity to manage four stomachs at once.
So what else is gnu in your world?
No, no. It's the President who's a nilgai, so say whatever your basest vile reptilian brain wants to say!
The blue cow? How interesting. Have you ever seen one up close? I never have.
No, never. But I've seen pictures, and they look nothing like any of the Palins. Except for that one Halloween that Bristol went as a smurf.
Oh, man. I couldn't even *find* these comments, how unfair is *that.*
This must be what happens when one translates airport bathroom stall foot tapping code into Twitter characters.
I see that elected ruminant (*) Grassley didn't learn a damn thing after his account got hacked and he was mocked because the hacker's comments were not written in the style of "stupid old white man attempts to speak like the kids"
* thank you owls, and good to see you back
Well someone's got to keep these dizzy children in line. In our day, if we forgot a meme we'd have to write it 100 times. In EBCDIC. On punch cards.
I like how you guys used to use the word dizzy. We need to bring that back.
Roots. Need to pass the tribal history on lest it be forgotten. Behold:
http://wonkette.com/343956/our-hero-peggy-noonan-…
He looks kind of dead in the picture he posted on his Twitter feed. Usually, people choose the most flattering picture possible for their profiles, so I assume he really looks more like this.
The Cuban guy is 111 years old, so that means his Entire World has Changed – Twice!
A sphincter types what?
Shouldn't that read, "i haz a Iphone"?
Can Grassley haz cheezburger?
Well, hell. I've been on my deathbed and away from the wonket for more than a week and I miss my chance to welcome Jim Back. So, hey! Welcome back to both you and me.
I have no time yet again since I'm catching up on shit I left undone while I was dying (but, obviously, lived.) I guess this means I missed the discussion of the OK state senator Connie Johnson;s (D–Urban District.) (Yes, we have a few Democrats who get elected to the lege, thank you very much) pro-life rider on the zygotes are people, too, bill.
Hell, squared. At any rate, Jim, don't let my near brush with death (I had a terrible cold, okay?) ruin your "Yes. Home again" buzz.
Sorry to hear you were sick; glad to hear you're recovering. Pretty much all you missed was CPAC, so the cold may not have been a bad trade.
We unanimously want to have Senator Johnson's children.
Good news for Anonymous!
After they "hacked" Syria's President's email by guessing the password ("12345", seriously, I am not making that up), you are probably onto something.
I herd iphone uses large amnt of Nrg. Does Grassley need a strong source of Nrg to plug into his phone???
How long before we have to hear about emailed pictures of Grassley's junk?
Are you assuming he is going to be sending pics of his junk to corn lobbyists and hit "send all" by mistake?
Whatever it takes.
Grandpa Cornpants' junk? Yellow, bumpy, and covered in corn silk, I gotta assume.
Thanx. Now I won't need to have another cup of coffee to stay up until midnight.
Excuse me, Mr. Dewey is it? Yes, well we're from the International Criminal Court's Crimes Against Humanity division and we were wondering if we might have a word with you regarding this post. What's that? No, no, you won't need your keys, we'll take you in our car. Just step into the back seat if you would, now. That's a good fellow.
h v an iphone, hr is m y pn s
#sentfromTweetDeck
That's nice, Chuckles; go back to sleep now.
That entire sentence typed out including punctuation is less than 140 characters. He must think abbreviating shit is inherently hip or something.
I can haz iFone?
Really, don't have one, don't want one.
OK. but was it "Sent by his iphone"? This is important, guys…
Stil cnt figur out how to gt porn tho! Dam
SenGrassley cngrts on bn 8ble 2tell whol fcknworld u h v nthing2say.
SenGrassley My cts h v a tlscpe bt thtdznt mk thm astrnmrs. 2 bad tho thr nite vzn wlda md tht a gr8t c4reer 0ptn.
SenGrassley thr R 20mil stories n d Nkd Cty. Yrs isnt 1.
#DubuqueSteamer
Welsh & Polish proofreaders wept.
Sure do save a lot of time, leaving out them vowels…
Retweeted 128 times? Who in the hell retweets something like that?
Um….I resemble that remark.
I have to say that was one of my favourite threads , it seemed to bring out the silliest comments in the Wonkettes and also Owls was here.
This thread will hold a special place in the Library of Congress.
It's 2 bad u dont haz a IQ, Chuck
Hey Chuck… I think your iPhone is broked.
"I thought Grindr was about teeth problems, scruff well who doesn't love furry creatures, and manhunt…well i can't explain that but im not now or have ever been gay"
You know what an iPhone makes really, really easy? Typing in complete sentences. It also learns your text patterns and favorite words, which means some poor iPhone is about to get really stupid.
Since I am sure he keeps it set on 'vibrate' I don't want to hear where he keeps it.
I'm not even going to read through all the comments, because I'm sure someone has already suggested it, but could a decent lex hacker please create a ChuckGrassley filter? I think that if you just start with the B1FF Filter and convert to lower case, you're half-way there.
He's gone anti-viral.
he's so old skool, he's anti-retro-viral.
ROTFLMAO!
Huh. This time it works. I have no idea why all my greater than signs got turned into html code which then didn't work….
Ah, got it. They were originally OK, but then got switched to html code when I tried to edit. Mystery solved.
OK, here's what that last line was supposed to look like:
Sffr slngs & ->'s of >;:-o frtn > arms gnst C trbles?
If they can wash dishes with their legs, they clearly are a keeper.
Is that on the checklist, like being able to tie knots in cherry stems with your tongue?
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