monday fun video

Let Us Remember Whitney Houston, With Sarah Palin

Has your Wonkette not even commemorated Whitney Houston yet? What a singer, what a voice. Before there was Nobama, before there was Mittens, there was only one: Whitney. What a horrible, depressing end to a life of Song. Here is Sarah Palin agreeing with us and providing the “political angle” that this story so desperately needed. [Fishbowl DC]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • BarackMyWorld

    AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LLOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

  • chascates

    Sarah, I will always HATE you!!!!!! EE-oooooooo!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'd blame Obama. Celebrity bathtub drownings are up over 100% since he took office..

    • MissTaken

      Are you saying Obama is the Bathtub Drowning President?

      • Crank_Tango

        historically speaking. most bathtub-drowningest president since 1860.

        • flamingpdog

          As opposed to the, historically speaking, most bathtub-trappingest President.

          • Crank_Tango

            too soon!

          • LettucePrey

            No, this is too soon.

          • Steverino247

            Yeah, I saw that and posted about it below before I saw your comment. (Wonkette's bouncing around again, today so it's harder to read it)

          • Beowoof

            Always bad taste, always. Although I have to admit I do love my shirt from them.
            http://funnytshirts.savatoons.com/texas.html

            I had to post the link, the last time I used the word I was deleted.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            Nice way to sneak the R word in without going to Cyrillic characters.

      • Biff

        Norquist would disagree.

    • Beowoof

      Yet the celebrity you hope will drown in the tub keeps talking on Fox News.

  • flamingpdog

    Too much heavy breathing there the first 30 seconds of the video. Could have used more more heavy breathing and less lightweight babble for the final 21 seconds.

    • Loaded_Pants

      It's just like Sarah & Todd's sex tape, isn't it?

  • memzilla
    • Rotundo_

      Wow, brilliant but with that same sort of Dorothy Parker in a really bad mood razor sharp nasty that could cleave a tombstone in two with a mirror finish on the cut. Dayum.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Wait, I thought her career was in the crapper?

      • Loaded_Pants

        Her career went into the crapper. She went into the tub.

        I will now go flog myself for typing that.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It's dead. Just like her.

    • jus_wonderin

      "Houston. We have a problem."

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Do you like teh drugz too, Sarah?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      (too soon, dude.)

  • Schmannnity

    Two body guards in the video. Whitney only had Costner.

    • chicken_thief

      Lou Sarah the Jerb Creator!

  • widestanceshakedown

    Finally, the tragedy makes sense because now I can always remember where I was when I discovered what it means to Sarah.

  • flamingpdog

    Sarah, your talents pale in comparison to Whitney's.

    • LagunaB

      You mean the scholarship program queen?

    • Radiotherapy

      But I wouldn't call her blah.

  • Barb

    Ugh, I'd rather stick my face in a homeless dude's ass than to listen to Palin right now.

    • flamingpdog

      Soundz like you need moar drugs, Barb. Take it from Whitney … oh, never mind.

      • Barb

        Oh my!

    • Steverino247

      I used to work outreach to the homeless mentally ill, and you DO NOT WANT to do that. The doctors will be removing your nose next, Barb!

      • Loaded_Pants

        Or your entire face.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        My hat's off to you, sir. That was kind indeed.

        • Steverino247

          It was interesting work, to say the least.

    • Barrelhse

      I just sold the house.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yay! Really?

      • flamingpdog

        What an amazing coincidence – Whitney Houston just bought the farm!

        Yeah, yeah, I know, Mittborg, "pdog, you're bad."

  • Antispandex

    Wow, the wind was really blowing there…and so was Sarah.

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      IT SURE WAS BLOWING

      • Crank_Tango

        the idea of sarah palin and blowing in the same thought is like grinding my dick against the chalkboard, only horrifying and painful.

    • Beowoof

      Yet Todd has to find Shaley Tripp to do it for him.

  • coolhandnuke

    Who gives a whit what this whitey witless whiny Wasila word whore waxes Whitney.

    • LagunaB

      Does she know Whitney was blah?

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Wow!

  • Barb

    Sarah v Whitney. Wonder who banged more black men?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I think you're recovering.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Aaand she's back, folks!

      • Barb

        Annie, you make me misbehave!

        • anniegetyerfun

          Ha! If only I could take credit for your (somewhat twisted) comedic genius.

    • Guppy

      As opposed to getting banged up by one?

    • Radiotherapy

      Barb is crackin' again.

  • MissTaken

    Maybe I haven't seen Sarah in a while but her face looks a little puffy. Did she have the chin Bristol removed injected into her? Or is our Sarah just showing her Stay Puft Marshmallow Monster that we all knew was inside her?

    • LagunaB

      That bitch would never win best in breed. Too under-shot.

    • Barrelhse

      Looks like some "walnuts" starting to develop- it must be a contagious condition that she picked up from McCain.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        She's turning into a ballchinian?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Bathtub safety: Missing from Obama's SOTU address.

    • HateMachine

      Palin would only rail against the lack of bathtub safety talk in the SOTU if a full third of Obama's speech had been a plug for Walk-In Tubs.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    That cunt.

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      Cut it out

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You're not going to start making up random new rules are you? "That cunt" has been perfectly acceptable around here while you were gone.

        • JackDempsey1

          Respect the blueness, kind sir.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

          Damn, I just got newelled.

          • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

            Happens to the best of us.

        • finallyhappy

          That is the one "bad word" I have never said.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Thank you.

        • Monsieur_Grumpe

          How about that twat?

          • Beowoof

            Asshole seems more appropriate, both literally and figuratively.

          • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

            That what?

      • ThundercatHo

        Did you drop the banhammer on Bruce Major yet?

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Yes, please, it remains me of McCain. And Bush.

  • Barb

    Gosh, I wonder who will be on the cover of the National Enquirer this week? Callista Gingrich was on the cover this week with her story of being a lesbian and her husband being a hasbian. Whitney Houston, we have a problem!

    • LagunaB

      Her husband with his tit showing on Newsweek was just too much. Still nauseous. Gotten to run.

      • Barb

        Hi Laguna, I like your name. What does it mean?

        • LagunaB

          Grew up in Laguna beach (artist community) of extremely lefty parents. In a ultra right wing private enclave. It warped me for life. Thank Jeebus. It helped to be a wayward Irish (catholic)(redundant phrase). Y ustedes?

    • Beowoof

      Maybe Callista just likes being done with a strap-on, just like Newt.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I understand from the disgusting, collective id of the American Internet that no white entertainer has ever died from a drug problem, so this just goes to show you about those people.

    • SexySmurf

      Are you saying I didn't really see Elvis and Jim Morrison eating together at Quiznos?

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Was Janis Joplin under the table?

      • BerkeleyBear

        Nope – that was Belushi with the sideburns. Not sure why the Lizard King would hang out with Brother Bluto (other than the obvious fact he's got great connections), but there you go.

    • Rotundo_

      It's always fun to see their expression when you bring up Judy Garland, Elvis, Pick an Allman brother, Keith Moon, and if they're hardcore bubbas, Hank Williams Sr. They mumble for a moment or two and change the subject really quickly. They usually fire off shit like this when they don't have the time to actually think before taking pen to hand or index finger to keyboard.

      • Loaded_Pants

        They'd have to give Hank a saline drip & pour coffee down his throat before shoving him onstage so that he'd be able to perform.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        In other words, "all the time."

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      Which category does Jacko fit into? (Too soon?)

      • e_z

        Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwl-right!

        I'm on a mission from God and I'm putting the Band back together, Jake Blues is BACK.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Don't forget whatsername…….damn…not too long ago….two months?

      • Geminisunmars

        She was a brit. Doesn't count.

        • Beowoof

          She probably should have went to rehab.

          • Geminisunmars

            No…no…no

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yep. Just say no works, only the gays get the AIDS, and beer can't get you drunk. Too, also.

      In the idiots' defense, though, lots of white stars die of things that are related to but not directly drugs (Phil Hartman's insufficiently medicated wife killing him comes to mind). Just wait until Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohan et al hit their 40s – they'll be dropping like flies.

      • Loaded_Pants

        From recent pics of her, I thought Lohan was already in her 40s?

        Sorry, thought I was on gawker there for a sec.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          Perhaps maybe too, this is news to white artists Michael Hutchinson and Stuart Adamson (Big Country) also too there.

  • JackDempsey1

    "Whitney" is one simple "n" away from "Whitey."
    So there's that connection.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I heard there's a tape somewhere of Michelle Obama saying "I hate Whitney."

      • Negropolis

        ROTFLMAO!

        I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time.

    • LettucePrey

      Whitney and Michael are dead. Courtney Love and Keith Richards are alive. Death is a racist motherfucker.

      • Crank_Tango

        well, dean martin was just drinking apple juice and keith richards was just snorting his dad, so there's that.

      • Loaded_Pants

        You forgot Ozzy. Man used to drink more than Keith Richards, Alice Cooper, and all the Southern Rock bands combined.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Well, Death did take Cobain. Although that did lead to waaaay too many people playing attention to Courtney.

  • mavenmaven

    "Very tragic, on the other hand, one less vote for Nobama!"

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Mavenmaven, we are rallying a Million Mom's to get artificially inseminated with sextuplets or more to have those precious feti count as people (to be incorporated for the reality show tba) so that we each can have 7 votes for the POTUS.

  • meatlofer

    I can't take anything she says seriously, unless Turkeys are being slaughterd in the background,also.

  • LettucePrey

    Here is every Facebook post of the last two days:
    "Requisite acknowledgement of celebrity death… before her time, wasn't she great in, who can forget, look at this picture in her prime."

  • SayItWithWookies

    I watched the video, but it was hard to make out what Sarah said with all that awful din going on. The noise in the background was kinda disruptive too.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    She looks guilty.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      If we didn't already know she was at CPUKE this weekend… Does Palin have a double?

      • flamingpdog

        I always feel like ordering a double after listening to Sarah.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Was Sarah in Beverly Hills the afternoon of the 11th?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    She was coming out of Matisse Restaurant?

    I don't see Caribou Ass on the menu.
    http://www.matisserestaurantdc.com/index.htm

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    It was beast that killed the beauty.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I know that the Palins aren't our future
    Ignore them well and don't let them grift away
    Expose them for the stupidity they possess inside
    Tear down their sense of unearned pride to make things easier

    Their greatest love of all
    Is pathetic to achieve
    Focusing on the love of one's self
    It is the saddest love of all

  • MinAgain

    Someone is just begging to be haunted.

  • YouBetcha

    Dear Universe,
    I propose a trade. You give us back Whitney Houston, and we'll give you Former Governor Snowbunny Palin. It doesn't even need to be Whitney circa 1987, it can be the post-Bobby Brown Whitney. To sweeten the pot, we'll throw in one or all of the Palin grand/kids. Any of them, all of them Katie.
    Let us know,
    Humanity

  • Barrelhse

    What a phony piece of shit.

  • neiltheblaze

    At least she said something vaguely bland and not insanely offensive.

    • not that Dewey

      Sarah's PR person: At least she said something vaguely bland and not insanely offensive.

      Santorum's and Romney's PR people, in unison: OKAY STOP RUBBING IT IN

    • Loaded_Pants

      Bland LIBEL!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, c'mon, to be fair, why would you ask someone like Sarah Palin about this? Or about anything?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "You gotta get outta the way."

    Oh yes, we have a celebu-grifter coming through.

    Everybody to get from street!
    ~

    • northernbassist

      Хорошо. Этот так лучше, да:?

      "Emergency–everybody to grab axe handles and beat grifter from street!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Do I really want to hear what Sarah Palin has to say about this?
    *scratches chin, looks pensive*
    No, absolutely not.

  • owhatever

    Can we see the death certificate?

  • poorgradstudent

    The tragedy is that Whitney needed lots of hard drugs to get as high as Sarah Palin is, naturally.

  • Steverino247

    This post deleted because somebody pointed it out earlier than I did.

  • rocktonsam

    this from someone who thinks tragic is a good thing.

  • JackObin

    Billy Holiday sang. Whitney Houston screeched. Making alot of money doesn't necessarily mean one can sing. Sorry about the bath tub thing, but let's be frank.

    • Rotundo_

      Unfair comparison, like comparing a 9mm to a 16 inch deck gun on the battleship Missouri since they both fire projectiles. But in her prime Whitney didn't need any electronic means to do what she did, which by comparison to the modern "can't set foot on stage without my auto tune" crowd, was great. Ms.Holiday is beyond comparison with mortals.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I'd like to think there's a special place in hell for whoever developed auto tune.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Yep and that hell is Sarah Palin singing the Whitney Houston catalog through Auto Tune

          • Loaded_Pants

            And that hell probably has rivers of ear-blood instead of fire.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Well said. She was, let's make cheap pop music from the gospelian one. Aggh.

    • fuflans

      huh. that's not my understanding from, you know, actual musicians.

      but then i'm an actor. what do i know.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "There's only one: Whitney?"

    That would be Richard Whitney? The former President of the New York Stock Exchange, sent to Sing Sing Prison in '38?

    Immortalized by Bugs Bunny, "What an embezzler!"

    No? Wrong Whitney?

    Sorry – never mind…

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Eli. Inventor of the cotton gin and tonic.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Well, in all fairness the tonic was needed after enduring the gin.

      • Tundra Grifter

        "My uncle invented 'cotton gin.'"

        "Cotton gin?"

        "It's a white fuzzy drink."

        ~ Stolen from a long ago cartoon.

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    This post reminds me of the radial engine used in the classic P-47 Thunderbolt fighter plane.

    Because this post is about a prat & Whitney.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Nicely done.

    • C_R_Eature

      This has been my Official Favorite Thing today.

    • MosesInvests

      Golf clap.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Actually, I think it's about a brat & Whitney.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Has anyone mentioned Phil Lynott?

    • YasserArraFeck

      Unwhite and Irish – definitely had it coming

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm Not Watching This. And you can't make me.

    Oh, all right, But with the sound off, dammit!

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Well, at least when asked which was her favorite Whitney song she didn't reply "all of them".

  • LibrulEleet

    Is that a Christmas tree? In February?

  • ttommyunger

    Off mike: "Airy ain't it? Sarah: "Ow would ye have it, bald?" Rimshot.

  • Sheesko

    Grifter got her swag bag. Surprised she didn't grab several, for the family, also.

  • fuflans

    gross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross grossgross gross gross gross

  • ElPinche

    Sexual chocolate!!!

  • fuflans

    oh hai, sra:

    u suk nd hav no skillz go way not watching

    fuflans

  • Callyson

    Whitney's reply to Saint Sarah:
    It's Not Right But It's OK http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J538b-OLRU

  • Negropolis

    Wait, where was the political angle? That Sarah answered a question about it?

    I'm not usually one to complain about quality, but between this and a rather innocuous tweet by Grassley, we've been gettin' some slim pickin's here, lately, let me tell you…

  • DahBoner

    Did Whitney Houston remember Sarah Palin in her will?

    Who got the glass dick?

  • DaRooster

    Musta had a couple of "glasses" of "wine"… (and by glasses I mean pitchers & by wine I mean Vodka)