What have the pussy liberal Supreme Court judges gotten themselves into now? Justice Stephen Breyer, for one, was drinking parrot blood and making abortion jokes with friends in his Golden Hispaniola Caribbean Palace last Thursday when Keith Richards and Captain Blue-Beard sneaked in through the slaves’ door, machetes in hand, killing everyone and seizing the Breyer estate’s Booty as patronage for their Squid Queen.
This is what happened, right, AP stringer?
WASHINGTON – A Supreme Court spokeswoman says Justice Stephen Breyer was robbed last week by a machete-wielding intruder at his vacation home in the West Indies.
Spokeswoman Kathy Arberg said Breyer, wife Joanna and guests were confronted by the robber around 9 p.m. EST Thursday in the home Breyer owns on the Caribbean island of Nevis. Arberg said the intruder took about $1,000 in cash and no one was hurt.
Close enough.
Should Stephen Breyer now recuse himself from the health care reform case, after being robbed by Caribbean pirates?
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Roe Ho Ho
I love you more than newt loves ditching a sick wife.
Impossible!
Speaking of sick wives, I'm delighted to have you back, my dearest! How fair your BMs and Mr. Jeff's cooking skills?
Stephen Breyer is a human Montgomery Burns. I always picture him steepling his fingers, calling for Smithers while counting his piles of cash.
Seriously, what's this guy doing carrying $1000 on him? They don't take VISA in the West Indies? Unless you're heading out to see your ganja dealer or something, who needs to carry a thou… ooooh. Nevermind.
I know someone rethinking his 2nd Amendment stance.
Per Wikipedia:
"In an interview on Fox News Sunday on December 12, 2010, Breyer stated that based on the values and the historical record, the Founding Fathers never intended guns to go unregulated and that history supports his and the other dissenters' views in District of Columbia v. Heller."
"District of Columbia v. Heller"
Sounds like a duel.
Down in the islands that weapon is not known as a "machete." It is a "cutlass."
Given the size of that island, you wouldn't think it's going to take too long to find the perp.
Given the size of that island, it was probably the Prime Minister.
BTF:
I just looked at a map, and that island has one road – it circles the Island.
So all you'd have to do is camp out and wait – sooner or later the guy who did it is going to have to swing by.
Unless he left by boat, of course…
Keep an eye out for The Black Pearl!
I can think of a few other Supremes that I would suggest be visited by someone with a machete, but I wouldn't do that out loud. This isn't a public place, is it?
Your friends at NSA say, "Yes, that is correct. We are listening to what you say, and making suggestions to the appropriate agencies. Or possibly transmitting your grid coordinates to an AQ-9 drone loaded with HELLFIRE missiles which is orbiting not far from your current location. Do you have anything you'd like to add?"
"NSA stands for No Such Agency so I fear you like I fear the rabid Easter Bunny or the Galt-going Santa Claus. Fie on you, I say. Fie." Like Luther to the Pope, "Here I stand."
(Uh, what's that streaking down from the sky? It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a really pissed Clarence Thomas…)
Dudley, srsly, dood, as long as you're not having sex with virgin Catholic schoolgirls, you're fine.
Of course, if you *are,* you need to know that their chichis are wired, and when you start ballin' em, a little light goes on on an alarm board in the Vatican, and then two Jesuit priests parachute out of the sky and garotte you with a rosary.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
If machetes were outlawed, only outlaws would wield machetes.
P.S. Needs more wielding!
Yes. Outlaws such as George "Never Met Any Brush I Couldn't Clear" Bush.
That little bitch used a weed whacker, the secret service wouldn't let him have a machete unsupervised. Not a chance!
Pieces of 5-4! Pieces of 5-4! Squawk!
So the Constitution of Nevis apparently has a Second Amendment.
I believe their second amendment protects the "right to bare arms", it's damn hot there.
Hey, I hear you may be from the Pensacola area. I need some advice as I may be relocating to that area……
I'm not really from Pensacola, but I do live here. I'd be more than happy to give advice. It would be cool to have two Wonketniks in the area.
There are definitely things to like here. The beaches are spectacularly beautiful, there's world-class seafood, the scale is small, and the pace is slow. And the cost of living is low. I don't know a lot of like-minded people here, but I've been pretty happy by pretending I'm doing fieldwork.
I just set up a pseudonymous email account to minimize exposure to the vicious crazies. Send a message to spurningbeer @ mail.com, and we can take the conversation offline.
THIS IS BECUZ LIBRUL JUDGES TOO LENIENT ON (foreign) CRIMINALS (in other countries)!!!!111
Shit, Talk Like a Pirate Day isn't till September! Arrr!
Yeah but "Rob Like A Pirate Day" can be anytime…
That shit happens to me all the time.
Ass Pirates of the Caribbean?
It's nice to see Virginia Thomas is keeping herself busy. But where did she get the machete?
I thought she just called Anita late-night and breathed… She's taking it to the next level.
I like to think she's like Pam from Archer.
I love that! Except I like Pam from Archer…
Pam is rapidly becoming my favorite cartoon character ever.
Rum, Sodomy & the Lash: My Favorite Island Memories
by Justice Stephen Breyer
And I thought that was just for the Navy.
Time for some better machete laws!!
How do you escape on an island? Oh, right, no gives a shit about what happens to you?
Failed Breitbart/O'Keefe sting operation?
Was there a dildo boat?
Sure, why not. Dildos, fuzzy handcuffs, pimp outfits.
Dil-do! Diiiiiil-do!
Dildo come and me wanna go on
Come mister hairy man, rub me banana
Dildo come and me wanna go on …
NEEDZ MOAR PARROTS AND EYE PATCHES!!!!!!!!!
Needs moar Gilbert and Sullivan.
I am the very model of the modern Supreme Court jurist.
The pirate could have at least given him a good scaaaar.
At least he wasn't on some island with Limbaugh, blue pills and boys as Scalia woulda been.
Antonin and Rusty, down in the DR swilling fruit flavored drinks (Gatorade and rum, but they're too fucking stupid to notice the difference) and popping healthy looking Dominican boys in the keister (just like little Antonin learned from his priest) and smoking cuban cigars. Repulsive turds aren't they?
"Arberg said the intruder took about $1,000 in cash and no one was hurt."
Maybe if someone would pony up another grand Thomas and Scalia could get hurt?
Stop, you're getting people all excited, now.
Danny Trejo libel!
Machete improvises!
I knew Gingrich's fund-raising situation was bad, but I never thought he'd go this far.
Should Stephen Breyer now recuse himself from the health care reform case, after being robbed by Caribbean pirates?
Well one could hardly expect Justice Breyer to be impartial about a law named the Arrrrrrra now, could one?
This news guarantees Breyer will rule in favor of SOPA, if given the chance.
See?? SCOTUS justices are JUST LIKE you and me! Nothing out of the norm here. Nope.
Sure there was… he had a thou in cash.
And he was on vacation.
I know I always keep a few thousand bucks at my vacation house in the Carribbean.
Has anyone seen Joran Van der Sloot lately? Just sayin'.
That shitbag is actually in jail, believe it or not. Of course he had to murder another young woman for it to happen…but him rotting in a South American prison works for me.
But, why the Clint Eastwood "Unforgiven" line in the alt-text?
Wasn't Clint talking about a dirty pirate grundle-pumping?
alito would have shot him thru the heart and drunk the parrot's blood.
That'll teach him to go back to his cabin without passing through the casino.
Does Jimmy Buffett have an airtight alibi?
UPDATE: They caught the dude, and he's sorry!
Was it Pee Wee Herman?
Took $1,000. huh? Thats exactly the per plate of a certain fundraiser I know of …coincidence? Me thinks not. Just a little creative rule bending but you've been caught!
Nevis forget!!!!1!11
If a machete was involved, it was probably Peg Leg Scalia.
It is a bit surprising. I thought the Pirates of the Caribbean were all on the Cayman Islands.
Thems the Pirates of the USA…
http://www.nevisisland.com/
But then there is the 10,000 and first resident…
"Have a cool grand, on the house."
This is good news for Ron Paul's Pirate/Thunderdome based economy!
Has anyone checked to see what Scalia was doing that night?
He's always braggin' to Roberts about his machetes.
I know this is heresy, but I can only imagine the outcry here among libbys if one of the Conservatards had been robbed at his vacation home on a Caribbean island. Hey guy, something wrong with having a vacation home in America !!! WTF?
Wha, we're not being fair?
His vacation home should be in Kenya!
He was vacationing where he banks.
He was vacationing where Mitt Romeny banks.
/fixed.
Just that I had a reality moment. Many of us are working to get a second term for BHO and maybe a SCOTUS liberal majority, and then this article makes it abundantly clear the justices are all part of the 1% too. So I am sitting here laugh at myself for my f"ing naivety.
Aren't we all? (laughing at ourselves)
Better than crying.
Have you seen a single post prior to your own to anything even approximating genuine horror or digust at the action? 'Cause, all I see is nautical/maritime snark and jokes (since no one was hurt, of course). Really not sure what you were addressing.
This is what happens when you rename it the Gulf of America.
What kind of Skullduggery is afoot here? This is a known birth place of evil bankers. (Alexander Hamilton). Sounds as if the bankers and their minions are still running the place and attacking liberals.
You see, liebruls? You fuck with SOPA; you get the real thing.
SOPA II: SOPA'S REVENGE: THE SAPONIFICATION.
Y'know, when crap like this happens in my neighborhood, it's usually the result of a drug deal gone bad…
That shit never happens on Kitts.
I guess corporations committing robbery on the Supreme Court with cases like Citizens United is not headline news because they use lawyers, and not machetes?
Snark off–this sucks. I met Justice Breyer when he was in LA to promote his book, and he could not have been nicer. I just hope the robber is caught and justice is served (so, better not let the thief appeal to the Supes in case he is incorporated…)
Oliver Wendell Douglas would have smacked him over the head with a pair of cymbals.
obligatory row v. wade pirate joke goes here
Don't make us have to force you to walk the plank.
The last time I carried a grand in cash was when I was selling hash in Thailand to support my teaching career. Came in handy for some much needed "keep me the fuck out of Thai prison" bribery.
Girl, we SO need to talk.
So, I guess this wasn't Fantasy Island.
You know what else is sorta spelled like "Nevis"?
comment of the year
This never would have happened if judges were allowed to carry flint locks at all times!
He can't vacation at Disney World like a normal American? Orlando pirates are Totally Authentic®, with their movie-star teeth and $100 Keen's Hydro Guide Water Shoes.
Never a SEAL team around when you really need 'em.
The machete is part of the "safety net" of the West Indies, it is the unemployment benefit.
CLUE: Clarence Thomas in Nevis with a Machete!
Meanwhile the closest Roberts gets to trouble is when his domina puts the rubber ball in his mouth a little too tight.
There are other times he has a rubber ball in his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue…
I'm so going to hell.
"You need to find yourself a girl, mate."
At least he didn't run into Accountants!
Now if it was Scalia, he would have said: "You call that a machete? Now THIS is a machete!"
Do SCOTUS justices travel with $1000 in cash?
I hear a tiny violin playing…
Yeah. When she went to Jamaica, that was just fun, but when she got held hostage and then showed off the back tats, that was real character depth. Pam's good people.
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