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Kisses for Santorum.Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight.

Here, from K-Lo’s LiveJournal update in the middle of her lonely night, because Sunday night is always the loneliest, after all the masses are over and she has to go home again, home to that lonely apartment with the Trent Reznor noises coming from the walls and the weird dripping from the refrigerator with the blinding white light ringing the doorway … the doorway, but to what? To where?

Santorum has been conducting himself rather impressively in his moments of triumph and avoiding characteristic temptations. He is doing his best to keep the press from dismissing him as merely a “social-issues candidate.” His recent remark that losing his Senate seat in 2006 taught him the importance of humility suggests an appealing self-awareness. And he has rightly identified the declining stability of middle-class families as a threat to the American experiment, even if his proposed solutions are poorly designed. But sensible policies, important as they are, are not the immediate challenge for his candidacy. Proving he can run a national campaign is.

Romney remains the undramatic figure at the center of the primaries’ drama.

Is it not dramatic that the Ghost of Jesus wandered America a thousand years before the first Vikings arrived? Is it not dramatic that the early people of America — not the actual Native Americans, but the Weird Fake Biblical Tribes — met the Ghost of Jesus and hung out with Him, for fun? Is it not dramatic that such a people could, eventually, end up running major American car companies back when they were huge profit machines and not sadsack welfare cases propped up by Ben Bernanke or whatever?

WE HEREBY DEMAND a Wizard Duel between K-Lo and the Newt. Best (non-pedophile) Catholic spell wins. [National Review Online/New York Times]

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