FORTUNATELY IT'S NOT AS BAD ON ALTAVISTA  11:03 am February 13, 2012

Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop

by Jim Newell

This is all contraception's faultYour Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow up? Mitt Romney is going to be very displeased about this, Internet. That should be punishment enough. [The Atlantic Wire]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 111 comments }

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

Mitt Rmoney: the new santorum.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

nvb911:

Not new at all – just the same ole shit.

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

Fecal is as fecal does.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 11:16 am

It's Republican fecal policy.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

Needs moar fiber

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

This should make Gail Collins from the NYT happy.

DemmeFatale February 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

I sent her this post.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

"Romney" would make a good dog's name. Lot easier to yell than "(r)Money."

I also like "POTUS."

Barrelhse February 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

Not to mention "Romney's Santorum problem."

Preferred Customer February 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Sounds like maybe it was the dog that had the santorum problem.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

You mean this problem? (Actual headline from today's NYT:)
Two New National Polls Show a Santorum Surge

UnholyMoses February 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

Oh Internets … how I love you so.

Barb February 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

I'd rather be the men's room attendant in an Indian restaurant than to think about this jerk today.

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

Watching the Delhi belly dancing?

MildMidwesterner February 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

So, Barb, you have a thing for Indian men, do you?

Barb February 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Dots, not feathers, yes.

GunToting[Redacted] February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

These are the push-start Indians. The pony-tail signified a pull-start.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

You'd still be surrounded by less shit..

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

You win, sir.

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Less shit to deal with?

Steverino247 February 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Is there a promotion involved?

Yeah, after five years they give me a brush.

(Gotta love Monty Python)

PuckStopsHere February 13, 2012 at 11:06 am

Does this mean I have to stop calling him "poopyhead"?

DaRooster February 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

Actually it is quite suitable.

ManchuCandidate February 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

Considering most of his ideas can be termed as elephant shit, I think that dog poop is a step up for Rom the Scat-Bot.

PeaceWithHonor February 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

Gingrich–"The profound cramping you experience while prepping for a colonoscopy."

ManchuCandidate February 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

Hey, colonoscopies are useful…

He's more like a cat turd stuck in the fur.

Steverino247 February 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

True, but that cramping is nasty stuff.

Indiepalin February 13, 2012 at 11:07 am

Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit, just like you.

Biff February 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

Shoulda never left teh wonkett, Jim–we've known about this poop joke for months already!

Barb February 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

True that.

flamingpdog February 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I was gonna say – wasn't this meme proposed on Wonkette?

Schmannnity February 13, 2012 at 11:09 am

Romney: scaring the shit out of 99% of all Americans.

Not_So_Much February 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

I'm naming my next dog Willard. Just so he knows I mean business.

paris biltong February 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

It gives an entirely new meaning to the headline quoted by Google just above: "Romney's Santorum Problem: No Easy Targets"

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

Well, ain't that the shit?

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

This is good news for Rick Santorum!

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

With all this shit, will we make it to Stupor Tuesday?

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Sewer Tuesday, you mean

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

Jim, you Google Romney every day?

And here I thought you were so butch!

chascates February 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

Shit happens. When you're a republican.

MildMidwesterner February 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

In fairness, Romney scares less shit out of me than the other Republican candidates. Now Newt — he's a real colon cleanser.

V572 Flambé February 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

And if all votes were equal, Rmoney would be doomed politically. Citizens United fixed that by creating two classes of votes: those backed by large sums of money, and those that don't count.

jus_wonderin February 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

Oh shit, I am at a loss for words.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

Spell Romney.
Can you use that in a sentence?
When I realized that Rick Santorum was the president of the USA I romneyed in my pants.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

Can we do a Romney/Santorum one that comes up with defecating frothy fecal and lube matter in terror?

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

To callistacate? And speaking of serious callistacation, a new Pee³ national poll has Santorum flushing Romney by 15 points. Holy shit, too, also.

LiveToServeYa February 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

Today, we shall all Romney a Santorum right in the Gingrich.

Mumbletypeg February 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

Mind you don't get reince all over your priebus, either.

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

You need more win than I can give.

hagajim February 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

Sad thing is that I am less likely to defecate in terror over the prospect of a Romney Presidency than I am a Santorum one….I guess that makes li'l Ricky the king of anus juice.

DemmeFatale February 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

Seamus's Revenge!

(Suck it, Montezuma!)

SayItWithWookies February 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

Eh. This is a bad trend, just like the naming laws after dead children. The name Megan's Law doesn't help me remember what the fuck Megan's Law does, and Romney isn't gonna help me remember what is means to Romney, especially after this shit is pulled with Romney, Walker, Larry Craig, Anthony Weiner, Rick Scott or any of the long string of motherfuckers who deserve to be forgotten.

V572 Flambé February 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Every time I start one of her op-eds, or see her on the teevee, I wonder, "Why are this woman's opinions thought to be of any interest to anyone?"

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

Now class, please construct a sentence with the following words:

Romney
Santorum
Gingrich.

jus_wonderin February 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Are there rules? How many times can I enter? Is a purchase necessary?

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich are the Three Horseman of the Apocalypse. Death split over creative differences and plans to go solo.

GlowneyHouse February 13, 2012 at 3:45 pm

After Gingrich wiped the santorium off of his disease ridden cock on the drapes, I romneyed, fearing I might be next.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Ron Paul reads those sentences every day. I'm starting to feel bad for the guy.

Goonemeritus February 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

Al Gore strikes again!

boobookitteh February 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Oops wrong thread. Damn phone

Negligently_Joe February 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

This is especially ironic because Mitt Romney, being a robot, is incapable of consuming and digesting organic matter, much less egesting it. Also, he's unlikely to have any familiarity with the human emotion of "fear".

Wait, unless he's one of those new Cylons. Which would actually kinda make sense, given the Mormonism.

Mojopo February 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Potato chips in the 90's made me romney the bed. It was terrifying. One minute you're eating and then BOOM, bombs away.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

No Romney jokes here. I'm just super bummed that I missed the troll infestation yesterday. Obviously these were guys who were frustrated because no one wanted to ream their fat assholes at all the CPAC after parties. I am imagining him as the fat guy in the beret watching the horrible rappers. He hurried home to his mom's basement and created 50 intense debate accounts in order to upfist himself into a frothy climax of stupidity. I kind of pity him in the moments between my pointing and laughing.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

It was a bizarre day to be sure. The dumb fuck was still responding to stuff in the small hours of Monday. Everyone had signed off hours earlier. I'll take that as proof that he didn't get laid at all.

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Wow, I missed all that, I will go and examine the thread, I did notice that the idiot who keeps changing his avatar and name "visited" me.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

No Fair! It appears that only relatively sane people have visited me. I won't feel complete until I piss off a troll or two. It has now become my mission in life. Unfortunately I am easily distracted by shiny objects. Ooh! What's that?!

GunToting[Redacted] February 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I know. It's been forever since Spanky and his Sock Puppets (band name trademark!) followed me.

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The regina troll was kind of pathetic but the Bruce troll was actually pretty scary. I think the police might want to take a little look with some cadaver dogs into his mom's basement.

Steverino247 February 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

No shit. He's got "that look" about him, doesn't he?

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I just got a chance to go back and read some more. I am convinced that regina was speaking in some sort of code. It may take someone more clever than me to crack it. See, it reads like she's special needs but its really genius.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

"Regina" was trolling as a fake conservatard. She almost had it down, but overplayed her hand. (It's hard to fake the sophomoric thought processes of a libertardian without slipping down to the grade school level.)
She bailed out after she was outed.

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I missed out. Guess I'll have to go revisit the thread.

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

No need to be bummed. This new troll is exceedingly unpleasant . He didn't make me laugh. He made me depressed, actually.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I LOL-ed. But then I've known the type in real life.

Nothing is more awesome than a complete fucking idiot who's 100% convinced that he's vastly superior to all of the people around him — no matter how sharp they actually are. It's an education in the workings (or not) of the human mind.

LabRodent February 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

So what I did last year when these two guys robbed me is called a Romney. (who knew)

Maman February 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Think about how much the dog was displeased.

widestanceshakedown February 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Will this help to bind Romney as a true fecal conservative?

Joshua Norton February 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

“defecating in terror.”

Are you sure they didn't mean "defecating terrier"?

prommie February 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Every time I defecate, I defecate in terror.

Mojopo February 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

Do you know how many people have died pooping? A lot.

prommie February 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

Thats why. That and cave bears.

Biff February 13, 2012 at 11:53 am

That's how Elvis left the building.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

Scared shitless?

Nothingisamiss February 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

God, Prommie, I'm sorry. Stool softeners and lots of water, I guess.

proudgrampa February 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

You, too?

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

If you defecate, the terrorists win.

deanbooth February 13, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Pooping is like a box of chocolates.

johnnyzhivago February 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Funny, but I'd do this:

Romney rom-nee. verb. To force yourself to be hired for a position or accepted into a group through the expenditure of a large amount of money to impress them with your wealth or through distribution of outright bribes. eg. "he is not the type to fit into that private club, but he is spending a lot of money to romney his way into a membership".

Also to waste a large amount of money in an attempt to gain a position or a relationship. "Poor guy is never going to get laid by that chick, no matter how hard he tries to romney her"

GunToting[Redacted] February 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

See also: Roofie?

paris biltong February 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

Let's not forget that Romney is also a sheep (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romney_%28sheep%29).

Come here a minute February 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

When Mitt heard he was getting the Santorum treatment he nearly romneyed.

BlueStateLibel February 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

This is what you get for betraying man's best friend, karma is a bitch.

orygoon February 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I read this to my dog and he dashed out the dog door like he had a mission.

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Only number 3? Looks like we have some googlin' to do.

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Git yer clickin fingers ready.

KeepFnThatChicken February 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Gingrich spreads himself around enough, he doesn't need Google's help.

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

The Maine caucus displaced a load of Santorum with a bit of Mitt? Amazing!

ttommyunger February 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

This is good news for Santorum: he can't get a hard-on unless he smells shit.

sezme February 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Is it just me, or is there some weird hole in the continuum this year where every Republican candidate is literally worse than every other Republican candidate?

If any of them were elected, I'd totally romney.

MinAgain February 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

It's amazing all the crap you can find on the internets.

Steverino247 February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Indeed, the current GOP Presidential candidates resemble an M. C. Escher lithograph where the shit flows downhill continuously.

SolitaireRose February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Now, to be fair, that definition came from his dog, who now claims not to be a part of the family and Mittens says that since he ran the car and dog through the car wash, there is no evidence the dog did shit in fear up on the roof.

VinnyThePooh February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I'm assuming the terror comes from ruining the Magical Underwear with something that resembles a half-melted King Size Snickers.

proudgrampa February 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Holy Romney!

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Alright, that's enough of the scattered logical humor, children.

Nostrildamus February 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

A dog's entrails are a series of tubes.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'm not on board until I see how you conjugate that shit.

foog February 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm

It was bad enough worrying about getting santorum on the sheets and getting caught out by my wife. But when I heard the door slam announcing that she had returned early, I romneyed all over my boyfriend's dick.

… Dammit! This republicanification of language is a bonerkiller for amateur erotica.

horsedreamer_1 February 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm

If the NY Pinko Homo Terror Anchor Baby Times weren't so elitist, they'd do the FM zoo thing & call her column Gail Force. Which would make it more tolerable, also.

horsedreamer_1 February 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

On these occasions when I experience Romney, I am glad I always carry gloves.

scarface99 February 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

romney should eat romney and die!

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