fortunately it's not as bad on altavista

Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop

This is all contraception's faultYour Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow up? Mitt Romney is going to be very displeased about this, Internet. That should be punishment enough. [The Atlantic Wire]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Mitt Rmoney: the new santorum.

    • Tundra Grifter

      nvb911:

      Not new at all – just the same ole shit.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Fecal is as fecal does.

        • freakishlywrong

          It's Republican fecal policy.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Needs moar fiber

  • nounverb911

    This should make Gail Collins from the NYT happy.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I sent her this post.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Romney" would make a good dog's name. Lot easier to yell than "(r)Money."

    I also like "POTUS."

  • Barrelhse

    Not to mention "Romney's Santorum problem."

  • UnholyMoses

    Oh Internets … how I love you so.

  • Barb

    I'd rather be the men's room attendant in an Indian restaurant than to think about this jerk today.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Watching the Delhi belly dancing?

    • MildMidwesterner

      So, Barb, you have a thing for Indian men, do you?

      • Barb

        Dots, not feathers, yes.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          These are the push-start Indians. The pony-tail signified a pull-start.

    • freakishlywrong

      You'd still be surrounded by less shit..

      • bagofmice

        You win, sir.

    • bagofmice

      Less shit to deal with?

    • Steverino247

      Is there a promotion involved?

      Yeah, after five years they give me a brush.

      (Gotta love Monty Python)

  • PuckStopsHere

    Does this mean I have to stop calling him "poopyhead"?

    • DaRooster

      Actually it is quite suitable.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Considering most of his ideas can be termed as elephant shit, I think that dog poop is a step up for Rom the Scat-Bot.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Gingrich–"The profound cramping you experience while prepping for a colonoscopy."

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Hey, colonoscopies are useful…

      He's more like a cat turd stuck in the fur.

      • Steverino247

        True, but that cramping is nasty stuff.

  • Indiepalin

    Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit, just like you.

  • Biff

    Shoulda never left teh wonkett, Jim–we've known about this poop joke for months already!

    • Barb

      True that.

    • flamingpdog

      I was gonna say – wasn't this meme proposed on Wonkette?

  • Schmannnity

    Romney: scaring the shit out of 99% of all Americans.

  • Not_So_Much

    I'm naming my next dog Willard. Just so he knows I mean business.

  • paris biltong

    It gives an entirely new meaning to the headline quoted by Google just above: "Romney's Santorum Problem: No Easy Targets"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, ain't that the shit?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is good news for Rick Santorum!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    With all this shit, will we make it to Stupor Tuesday?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Sewer Tuesday, you mean

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Jim, you Google Romney every day?

    And here I thought you were so butch!

  • chascates

    Shit happens. When you're a republican.

  • MildMidwesterner

    In fairness, Romney scares less shit out of me than the other Republican candidates. Now Newt — he's a real colon cleanser.

    • V572 Flambé

      And if all votes were equal, Rmoney would be doomed politically. Citizens United fixed that by creating two classes of votes: those backed by large sums of money, and those that don't count.

  • jus_wonderin

    Oh shit, I am at a loss for words.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Spell Romney.
    Can you use that in a sentence?
    When I realized that Rick Santorum was the president of the USA I romneyed in my pants.

  • freakishlywrong

    Can we do a Romney/Santorum one that comes up with defecating frothy fecal and lube matter in terror?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      To callistacate? And speaking of serious callistacation, a new Pee³ national poll has Santorum flushing Romney by 15 points. Holy shit, too, also.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Today, we shall all Romney a Santorum right in the Gingrich.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Mind you don't get reince all over your priebus, either.

    • bagofmice

      You need more win than I can give.

  • hagajim

    Sad thing is that I am less likely to defecate in terror over the prospect of a Romney Presidency than I am a Santorum one….I guess that makes li'l Ricky the king of anus juice.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Seamus's Revenge!

    (Suck it, Montezuma!)

  • SayItWithWookies

    Eh. This is a bad trend, just like the naming laws after dead children. The name Megan's Law doesn't help me remember what the fuck Megan's Law does, and Romney isn't gonna help me remember what is means to Romney, especially after this shit is pulled with Romney, Walker, Larry Craig, Anthony Weiner, Rick Scott or any of the long string of motherfuckers who deserve to be forgotten.

  • V572 Flambé

    Every time I start one of her op-eds, or see her on the teevee, I wonder, "Why are this woman's opinions thought to be of any interest to anyone?"

  • nounverb911

    Now class, please construct a sentence with the following words:

    Romney
    Santorum
    Gingrich.

    • jus_wonderin

      Are there rules? How many times can I enter? Is a purchase necessary?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich are the Three Horseman of the Apocalypse. Death split over creative differences and plans to go solo.

    • GlowneyHouse

      After Gingrich wiped the santorium off of his disease ridden cock on the drapes, I romneyed, fearing I might be next.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ron Paul reads those sentences every day. I'm starting to feel bad for the guy.

  • Goonemeritus

    Al Gore strikes again!

    • boobookitteh

      Oops wrong thread. Damn phone

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    This is especially ironic because Mitt Romney, being a robot, is incapable of consuming and digesting organic matter, much less egesting it. Also, he's unlikely to have any familiarity with the human emotion of "fear".

    Wait, unless he's one of those new Cylons. Which would actually kinda make sense, given the Mormonism.

  • Mojopo

    Potato chips in the 90's made me romney the bed. It was terrifying. One minute you're eating and then BOOM, bombs away.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    No Romney jokes here. I'm just super bummed that I missed the troll infestation yesterday. Obviously these were guys who were frustrated because no one wanted to ream their fat assholes at all the CPAC after parties. I am imagining him as the fat guy in the beret watching the horrible rappers. He hurried home to his mom's basement and created 50 intense debate accounts in order to upfist himself into a frothy climax of stupidity. I kind of pity him in the moments between my pointing and laughing.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      It was a bizarre day to be sure. The dumb fuck was still responding to stuff in the small hours of Monday. Everyone had signed off hours earlier. I'll take that as proof that he didn't get laid at all.

      • Limeylizzie

        Wow, I missed all that, I will go and examine the thread, I did notice that the idiot who keeps changing his avatar and name "visited" me.

        • BigDumbRedDog

          No Fair! It appears that only relatively sane people have visited me. I won't feel complete until I piss off a troll or two. It has now become my mission in life. Unfortunately I am easily distracted by shiny objects. Ooh! What's that?!

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            I know. It's been forever since Spanky and his Sock Puppets (band name trademark!) followed me.

    • ThundercatHo

      The regina troll was kind of pathetic but the Bruce troll was actually pretty scary. I think the police might want to take a little look with some cadaver dogs into his mom's basement.

      • Steverino247

        No shit. He's got "that look" about him, doesn't he?

      • BigDumbRedDog

        I just got a chance to go back and read some more. I am convinced that regina was speaking in some sort of code. It may take someone more clever than me to crack it. See, it reads like she's special needs but its really genius.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          "Regina" was trolling as a fake conservatard. She almost had it down, but overplayed her hand. (It's hard to fake the sophomoric thought processes of a libertardian without slipping down to the grade school level.)
          She bailed out after she was outed.

    • GOPCrusher

      I missed out. Guess I'll have to go revisit the thread.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      No need to be bummed. This new troll is exceedingly unpleasant . He didn't make me laugh. He made me depressed, actually.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I LOL-ed. But then I've known the type in real life.

        Nothing is more awesome than a complete fucking idiot who's 100% convinced that he's vastly superior to all of the people around him — no matter how sharp they actually are. It's an education in the workings (or not) of the human mind.

  • LabRodent

    So what I did last year when these two guys robbed me is called a Romney. (who knew)

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Think about how much the dog was displeased.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Will this help to bind Romney as a true fecal conservative?

  • Joshua Norton

    “defecating in terror.”

    Are you sure they didn't mean "defecating terrier"?

  • prommie

    Every time I defecate, I defecate in terror.

    • Mojopo

      Do you know how many people have died pooping? A lot.

      • prommie

        Thats why. That and cave bears.

      • Biff

        That's how Elvis left the building.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Scared shitless?

    • Nothingisamiss

      God, Prommie, I'm sorry. Stool softeners and lots of water, I guess.

    • proudgrampa

      You, too?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If you defecate, the terrorists win.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Pooping is like a box of chocolates.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Funny, but I'd do this:

    Romney rom-nee. verb. To force yourself to be hired for a position or accepted into a group through the expenditure of a large amount of money to impress them with your wealth or through distribution of outright bribes. eg. "he is not the type to fit into that private club, but he is spending a lot of money to romney his way into a membership".

    Also to waste a large amount of money in an attempt to gain a position or a relationship. "Poor guy is never going to get laid by that chick, no matter how hard he tries to romney her"

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      See also: Roofie?

  • paris biltong

    Let's not forget that Romney is also a sheep (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romney_%28sheep%29).

  • Come here a minute

    When Mitt heard he was getting the Santorum treatment he nearly romneyed.

  • BlueStateLibel

    This is what you get for betraying man's best friend, karma is a bitch.

  • orygoon

    I read this to my dog and he dashed out the dog door like he had a mission.

  • ThundercatHo

    Only number 3? Looks like we have some googlin' to do.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Git yer clickin fingers ready.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Gingrich spreads himself around enough, he doesn't need Google's help.

  • bagofmice

    The Maine caucus displaced a load of Santorum with a bit of Mitt? Amazing!

  • ttommyunger

    This is good news for Santorum: he can't get a hard-on unless he smells shit.

  • sezme

    Is it just me, or is there some weird hole in the continuum this year where every Republican candidate is literally worse than every other Republican candidate?

    If any of them were elected, I'd totally romney.

  • MinAgain

    It's amazing all the crap you can find on the internets.

  • Steverino247

    Indeed, the current GOP Presidential candidates resemble an M. C. Escher lithograph where the shit flows downhill continuously.

  • SolitaireRose

    Now, to be fair, that definition came from his dog, who now claims not to be a part of the family and Mittens says that since he ran the car and dog through the car wash, there is no evidence the dog did shit in fear up on the roof.

  • VinnyThePooh

    I'm assuming the terror comes from ruining the Magical Underwear with something that resembles a half-melted King Size Snickers.

  • proudgrampa

    Holy Romney!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Alright, that's enough of the scattered logical humor, children.

  • Nostrildamus

    A dog's entrails are a series of tubes.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I'm not on board until I see how you conjugate that shit.

  • foog

    It was bad enough worrying about getting santorum on the sheets and getting caught out by my wife. But when I heard the door slam announcing that she had returned early, I romneyed all over my boyfriend's dick.

    … Dammit! This republicanification of language is a bonerkiller for amateur erotica.

  • horsedreamer_1

    If the NY Pinko Homo Terror Anchor Baby Times weren't so elitist, they'd do the FM zoo thing & call her column Gail Force. Which would make it more tolerable, also.

  • horsedreamer_1

    On these occasions when I experience Romney, I am glad I always carry gloves.

  • scarface99

    romney should eat romney and die!