fortunately it's not as bad on altavista

Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop

This is all contraception's faultYour Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow up? Mitt Romney is going to be very displeased about this, Internet. That should be punishment enough. [The Atlantic Wire]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Steverino247

      Is there a promotion involved?

      Yeah, after five years they give me a brush.

      (Gotta love Monty Python)

  1. paris biltong

    It gives an entirely new meaning to the headline quoted by Google just above: "Romney's Santorum Problem: No Easy Targets"

  2. MildMidwesterner

    In fairness, Romney scares less shit out of me than the other Republican candidates. Now Newt — he's a real colon cleanser.

    1. V572 Flambé

      And if all votes were equal, Rmoney would be doomed politically. Citizens United fixed that by creating two classes of votes: those backed by large sums of money, and those that don't count.

  3. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Spell Romney.
    Can you use that in a sentence?
    When I realized that Rick Santorum was the president of the USA I romneyed in my pants.

  4. freakishlywrong

    Can we do a Romney/Santorum one that comes up with defecating frothy fecal and lube matter in terror?

    1. weej_bain

      To callistacate? And speaking of serious callistacation, a new Pee³ national poll has Santorum flushing Romney by 15 points. Holy shit, too, also.

  5. hagajim

    Sad thing is that I am less likely to defecate in terror over the prospect of a Romney Presidency than I am a Santorum one….I guess that makes li'l Ricky the king of anus juice.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Eh. This is a bad trend, just like the naming laws after dead children. The name Megan's Law doesn't help me remember what the fuck Megan's Law does, and Romney isn't gonna help me remember what is means to Romney, especially after this shit is pulled with Romney, Walker, Larry Craig, Anthony Weiner, Rick Scott or any of the long string of motherfuckers who deserve to be forgotten.

  7. V572 Flambé

    Every time I start one of her op-eds, or see her on the teevee, I wonder, "Why are this woman's opinions thought to be of any interest to anyone?"

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich are the Three Horseman of the Apocalypse. Death split over creative differences and plans to go solo.

    2. GlowneyHouse

      After Gingrich wiped the santorium off of his disease ridden cock on the drapes, I romneyed, fearing I might be next.

  8. Negligently_Joe

    This is especially ironic because Mitt Romney, being a robot, is incapable of consuming and digesting organic matter, much less egesting it. Also, he's unlikely to have any familiarity with the human emotion of "fear".

    Wait, unless he's one of those new Cylons. Which would actually kinda make sense, given the Mormonism.

  9. Mojopo

    Potato chips in the 90's made me romney the bed. It was terrifying. One minute you're eating and then BOOM, bombs away.

  10. BigDumbRedDog

    No Romney jokes here. I'm just super bummed that I missed the troll infestation yesterday. Obviously these were guys who were frustrated because no one wanted to ream their fat assholes at all the CPAC after parties. I am imagining him as the fat guy in the beret watching the horrible rappers. He hurried home to his mom's basement and created 50 intense debate accounts in order to upfist himself into a frothy climax of stupidity. I kind of pity him in the moments between my pointing and laughing.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      It was a bizarre day to be sure. The dumb fuck was still responding to stuff in the small hours of Monday. Everyone had signed off hours earlier. I'll take that as proof that he didn't get laid at all.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Wow, I missed all that, I will go and examine the thread, I did notice that the idiot who keeps changing his avatar and name "visited" me.

        1. BigDumbRedDog

          No Fair! It appears that only relatively sane people have visited me. I won't feel complete until I piss off a troll or two. It has now become my mission in life. Unfortunately I am easily distracted by shiny objects. Ooh! What's that?!

          1. GunToting[Redacted]

            I know. It's been forever since Spanky and his Sock Puppets (band name trademark!) followed me.

    2. ThundercatHo

      The regina troll was kind of pathetic but the Bruce troll was actually pretty scary. I think the police might want to take a little look with some cadaver dogs into his mom's basement.

      1. BigDumbRedDog

        I just got a chance to go back and read some more. I am convinced that regina was speaking in some sort of code. It may take someone more clever than me to crack it. See, it reads like she's special needs but its really genius.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          "Regina" was trolling as a fake conservatard. She almost had it down, but overplayed her hand. (It's hard to fake the sophomoric thought processes of a libertardian without slipping down to the grade school level.)
          She bailed out after she was outed.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I LOL-ed. But then I've known the type in real life.

        Nothing is more awesome than a complete fucking idiot who's 100% convinced that he's vastly superior to all of the people around him — no matter how sharp they actually are. It's an education in the workings (or not) of the human mind.

  11. johnnyzhivago

    Funny, but I'd do this:

    Romney rom-nee. verb. To force yourself to be hired for a position or accepted into a group through the expenditure of a large amount of money to impress them with your wealth or through distribution of outright bribes. eg. "he is not the type to fit into that private club, but he is spending a lot of money to romney his way into a membership".

    Also to waste a large amount of money in an attempt to gain a position or a relationship. "Poor guy is never going to get laid by that chick, no matter how hard he tries to romney her"

  12. sezme

    Is it just me, or is there some weird hole in the continuum this year where every Republican candidate is literally worse than every other Republican candidate?

    If any of them were elected, I'd totally romney.

  13. Steverino247

    Indeed, the current GOP Presidential candidates resemble an M. C. Escher lithograph where the shit flows downhill continuously.

  14. SolitaireRose

    Now, to be fair, that definition came from his dog, who now claims not to be a part of the family and Mittens says that since he ran the car and dog through the car wash, there is no evidence the dog did shit in fear up on the roof.

  15. VinnyThePooh

    I'm assuming the terror comes from ruining the Magical Underwear with something that resembles a half-melted King Size Snickers.

  16. foog

    It was bad enough worrying about getting santorum on the sheets and getting caught out by my wife. But when I heard the door slam announcing that she had returned early, I romneyed all over my boyfriend's dick.

    … Dammit! This republicanification of language is a bonerkiller for amateur erotica.

  17. horsedreamer_1

    If the NY Pinko Homo Terror Anchor Baby Times weren't so elitist, they'd do the FM zoo thing & call her column Gail Force. Which would make it more tolerable, also.

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