IMPORTANT MORAL CONVICTIONS UPDATES  12:17 pm February 13, 2012

Sure, Let’s Spend All Of 2012 Talking About Contraception

by Jim Newell

Tell Rick Santorum it's TylenolRepublicans reacted happily to Barack Obama’s Compromise last week on contraception — the big political issue of the day, this day, this 2012 day — in which religious employers were allowed to opt out of covering contraception in health plans and the insurer would pay for it instead. Not “reacted happily” in this sense that they were satisfied with this at all, mind you, but more that they could then push even further in their quest to end hot sex. Are we really going to see congressional votes in the near future on bills allowing all employers to opt out of covering contraception in their health plans?

TPM reports on Turtle & Co.’s latest bold plan for creating jobs and repairing the beleaguered economy:

Not satisfied with President Obama’s new religious accommodation, Republicans will move forward with legislation by Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO) that permits any employer to deny birth control coverage in their health insurance plans, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said Sunday.

“If we end up having to try to overcome the President’s opposition by legislation, of course I’d be happy to support it, and intend to support it,” McConnell said. “We’ll be voting on that in the Senate and you can anticipate that that would happen as soon as possible.”

The Blunt amendment he was specifically referring to would “ensure that health care stakeholders retain the right to provide, purchase, or enroll in health coverage that is consistent with their religious beliefs and moral convictions” under the Affordable Care Act. Similar legislation was introduced by Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) before the White House announced Friday that it would allow religious nonprofits such as charities, hospitals and universities to opt out of paying for contraception coverage and force the insurance company to do so instead.

Your Wonkette is excited with this new precedent, in which you can ignore federal mandates and laws that are inconsistent with your “religious beliefs and moral convictions.” When’s our tax rebate for all the money that’s gone to imperial wars over the years coming in the mail, Mitch? Roy? Hmm.

Not sure if this is a political winner!

[TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 208 comments }

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Serious question:

Does Congress's medical insurance cover birth control? Viagra?

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

More serious question:
Who would fuck any of those losers in the first place?

MrFizzy February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I would bang Debbie Wasserman-Schultz – ramen hair really gets me going.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Wow…her hair does look delicious.

MrFizzy February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Just throw her in the shower with some MSG, et voila!

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I dunno. Every time I look at her, I feel like I'm time warping back to some bad '80s titty flick…which is a compliment AND an insult to her hair.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Yes. And another serious question, do all these assholes get as exercised over vasectomy?

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Birth control: yes

Viagra: you even gotta ask if a bunch of over-the-hill old white men who would fuck their sister if she was hot want penis pills?

OneDollarJuana February 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Impotence is a form of birth control, ergo, Santorum, the Republicans, and the Bishops are against impotence because it's a form of birth control. Thus, the insurance companies have to do whatever they can to make sure that all Republican men, Bishops, and Santorum have raging hardons all the time, and are encouraged to use them, regardless of the feelings of their victims partners. And for free.

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You're a genius.

KeepFnThatChicken February 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

News flash: CONTRACEPTION IS CHEAPER THAN BABIES. Why would a business NOT want to take the cheap route?

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

The corporations I know would like to make contraception mandatory.

Preferred Customer February 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

As a working American currently not at my office because of a sick baby, I would support the logic behind this.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Because fetuses!!!!!!1!

VaWyo February 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Because more white people need to have babies.

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Especially white Christians. They're under threat, you know.

Chillwillard February 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

They keep talking about contraception but we are the ones getting fucked.

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

And the repuglitards are really enjoying it.

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I imagine this is what the game plan for the Republiklans will be, every single section of The Affordable Health Care Plan will be fought over as it comes time to put it in place, until Obama negotiates it all away.

YouBetcha February 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

It's almost like they want to lose elections.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Well, as long as we're denying coverage on beliefs and morals, why not carpet bomb people with diabetes for eating all of that sugar…or people with lung cancer for smoking all of those cigarettes.

Hey…you don't think this is all part of their plan, do you?

chascates February 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Florida has that bill up for vote that wouldn't allow food stamps to be used for sweets and snack foods. Tobacco (which can't be purchased with food stamps) has a long and beneficial relationship with Republicans and southern Dems. Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Man0nTheStreet February 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I support "snack taxes" and the like. If it was up to me, I would've started out Obamacare with FULL Lifetime Medicare-type coverage for the nation's children, funded with taxes on junk food, video games and everything else that encourages kids to get sedentary and fat, and by ending the back-door govt-subsidies to the HFCS producers by requiring EBT funds be used only on real food, with "double-dollar-value" for the purchase of fresh produce. I guess that makes me an uppity "dictator" like Obama?

OneDollarJuana February 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I'm all for allowing organizations denying insurance coverage (or any other benefits or supposed "rights") based on my personal convictions. That's why, as an atheist who feels that religious wackos are helping destroy our country, I'm all for denying health care to said religious wackos. In fact, I'm for enforcing mandatory birth control for them, too.

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Can the birth control be retroactive?

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Death Penalty=Extreme late term abortion.

Schmannnity February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

When will the LDS church get to opt out of polygamy laws?

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

In the late 1800's when Mitt's Mexican ancestors went back to Mexico.

Radiotherapy February 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Hopefully, the same time moose limbs get to opt out of honor killing laws.

Preferred Customer February 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

January 21, 2013, if all goes according to plan.

Man0nTheStreet February 14, 2012 at 2:31 am

Right after President Romney fills the Justice Dept and the entire Federal Bench with his thousands of daughters-in-law.

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Sarah Palin should get birth control pills to counter the sleeping problem. Drop one in her daughter's orange juice in the morning and all of America can sleep better at night.

chascates February 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I think by now her children are just props and she no longer pays much attention to them. They haven't turned out to have that star quality that their mother has so grandchildren are another chance at additional income.

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I agree, my friend.
I am surprised Sarah hasn't done any product endorsements yet.

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Like Dole, she could endorse Viagra! Only, she couldn't speak out loud about it, as that would counteract the drug's effects.

chascates February 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Summer's Eve, Alaskan-edition?

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Sarah and Bristol walking along the banks of Lake Lucille. "Mom, sometimes do you ever have that not-so-fresh feeling?"

* shudder *

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Goddam, these people. I swear.

VaWyo February 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I was so mad about this all weekend. Seriously. I hate them.

VinnyThePooh February 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I'd like a different kind of blunt amendment.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Or, to be more precise, amend Blunt.

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

But, gasp, that could lead to reefer madness.

An_Outhouse February 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I just converted to Rastafarian. RELIGIOUS LIBERTY!!!1!!!

memzilla February 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Thank heavens the Congress is focusing on jobs jobs jobs, and not being diverted by pissant red-meat-for-the-proles issues!

Andrew Drinker February 13, 2012 at 1:10 pm

BANNING BERF CONTROL CREATES JERBS PROVIDING YOU STOP CHARGING RICH PEOPLE WITH YOUR SOCIALIST TAXES

See?

starfanglednut February 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Exactly!

OkieDokieDog February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I can't fucking believe that we're fucking fighting this fucking battle again!

I'm young enough to have benefited from the battles in the 60's -70's, and old enough to remember that it was a BATTLE for reproduction rights.

Ugh, motherfuckers! I'm mad as hell!

Sparky MacGyver February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Hang on, we're going to be fighting over women's suffrage and the inalienable right to own slaves any day now. Not to mention phlogiston theory and burning witches.

There's no battle too old nor too antiquated for these Republicans to dredge up from the swamp of history.

Mondo_Cane February 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

upfist for 'phlogiston theory' –

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

These people should be castrated, problem solved.

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Yes, let's make it a condition of holding office. Also, no legislating on body parts that you do not now, nor have ever, personally owned.

prommie February 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Slowly, with a rusty razor. By that guy who convinced the racist redneck in Mississippi Burning to confess.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I have pruning shears!

widestanceshakedown February 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Boot heel junk mash?

Toomush_Infer February 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

As a medical necessity, coverable, of course…

MrFizzy February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I guess it's too late to encourage McConnell's parents to use rubbers. He gets my vote as the most counterproductive public servant of the last, oh, hundred years or so.

Gratuitous World February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

it's amazing that old, rich, male aristocrats, religious and otherwise, can't seem to get this right.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

“ensure that health care stakeholders retain the right to provide, purchase, or enroll in health coverage that is consistent with their religious beliefs and moral convictions

Sneaky, sneaky fucks.

"I have a moral conviction that federally mandated heath insurance is wrong"

5-4 supreme court decision where Jabba "Antonin" Scalia licks his warty lips then eats a live frog as the majority opinion

Andrew Drinker February 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Does that make the Occupy movement a bunch of Ewoks?

Fukui_sanYesOta February 14, 2012 at 2:20 am

Well, gosh. Then the Daily Show makes the same point.

They really are sneaky fucks.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

So now our employers will be imposing their religious beliefs on us?

Actually, Obama's eleven dimensional chess may be coming into play here, forcing insurance companies to do what they should have done ages ago: cover contraception gratis, since its cheaper than pregnancies.

weej_bain February 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Here at weejee & associates, the staff is free to embrace, or strangle, the Flying Spaghetti Monster of their choice.

Baconzgood February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Are they shitting me? UM…..Drug companies make "The Pill". You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you GOP. Even if you are kissing ass for the the Jebus crowd you don't want to risk losing some of that Pfizer KA-CHING.

Fukui_sanYesOta February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Ah, but drug companies make more money selling direct to consumers than via a bulk agreement with insurance companies.

Biff February 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I think they probably have some pretty cozy arrangements, though, IF they make the meds affordable. I just got switched from one crooked Rx provider to another crooked Rx provider. The first one covered all my meds except for one, readily available OTC drug. The new one covers all my meds except for a different one, still under patent. It is not life-threatening, so I have opted not to buy it on the "free" market ("free" being $225/mo), and have had my healthcare effectively rationed by a private insurance company. And somehow, because this is a "market based solution", this is good?

chascates February 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

It's bad enough to deny women control of their own bodies but to also deny mothers help in childcare, nutrition, and healthcare for their children reveals how hateful and disgusting these ideologues have become.
Our country races to the bottom to find the cheapest workforce to produce our consumer goods and races to the bottom to provide the least assistance for children and their caregivers.

bumfug February 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

In Obama's reelection speech, I hope he thanks the republican party for making it all possible.

GunToting[Redacted] February 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I think the GOP is employing the same strategy firm which brought us the Terri Schiavo battle. Considering how well that worked out for them, I wish them well.

jus_wonderin February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

R-KY

edgydrifter February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

You sluts defying God's will to bless you with babies and ovarian cysts is not a legitimate medical condition. Erectile dysfunction, though, totally is.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Aren't these the same fuckwits that pearl clutch at "creeping Sharia law"? Can you imagine the meltdown if a bunch of Imams had come out and demanded that the law of the land conform to their narrow religious beliefs?

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

You have discovered the vaccine to this kind of nonsense. Get Congressman Keith Ellison to work on a proposal asap!

Negligently_Joe February 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Be careful throwing around the "V-word", though, Chet: these guys might accuse you of causing "mental retardation"

OC_Surf_Serf February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Uh, Good Morning Mr. Smith. No, no, no, I am not asking for a raise, or more job security, or better working conditions…just need some birth control pills for my hormone-imbalanced daughter.

SayItWithWookies February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

It worked for Callista.

Joshua Norton February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playing it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I think that repeated exposure to my dad's Tom Lehrer records when I was wee helped make me that snarker that I am today. That and the National Lampoon.

TeaNuts February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Simple answer is that the Insurance companies simply charge higher rates to companies or institutes that opt out. Lets see how many change there collective minds.

SayItWithWookies February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I'm glad the Republicans are finally taking a principled stand on the tremendously controversial issue of birth control. I hope they die on that hill.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Or just die.

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I would like to think that their political aspirations will die on that hill. So far, other than angry, white, Xtian, males, they have managed to alienate every other demographic in the United States.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Not to worry, this will all die down when, after the Republicans intentionally tank the recovery, we can all go back to blaming the black guy and asking him where the jawbs are.

Baconzgood February 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

You must have babies and we'll cut all those social programs that help raise them, like public schools, CHIP, school lunches, youth sports (to stop gangs), etc., etc. They care for the egg but don't give a shit about the kid. As long as they are talking about woman parts they care but when the lady squirts out Jr. Fuck em.

Buzz Feedback February 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Will all that sand in Roy Blount's vagina keep him from getting pregnant?

Man0nTheStreet February 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Did anyone else notice how Reek Santorum stumbled and gagged on the word "Contraception", like he was forcing himself to utter the blasphemous name of ThatWhichMustNotBeNamed – y'know, that thing (Modern Medicine) that prevents Filthy Godless Slatterns who have S-E-X in their previously-sacred babycaves from being cursedblessed with an unwanted life-threatening pregnancy because that's the only reason Gawhd made women?

Well, Santorum's got my vote, because I'd lurve to see him debate Obama on the subject of Contraception and other long-settled social issues.

MinAgain February 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Is it too late to consider an alternate Democratic candidate?

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Yes.

johnnyzhivago February 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Opposing birth control and putting a damper on sex sounds like a REALLY winning issue for Republicans in 2012…. Oh, I mean 1912….

Come here a minute February 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Excuse me while I put in my earplugs and internets filters so I can spend the year avoiding all the ICKY LADY BUSINESS.

johnnyzhivago February 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Hey, here's an idea for the GOP – a tax on all sex. It could even be revenue neutral (offset by tax credits for oil companies)

KeepFnThatChicken February 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Shit like this just makes me want to reverse my vasectomy and out-fuck these quiverfull assholes. We can't reason with them, so we must "outsmart them with smarter babies".

Screw the planet and its resources; we can't let Christians have all the fucking fun… fucking.

StarsUponThars February 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

you tell 'em, Miss Loretta! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DcdONaKSQM

Monsieur_Grumpe February 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm

At one time DJs were fired for playing that song. We've come so far. Well, sort of.

meatlofer February 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Use condoms they're cheap and you can use them over and over. Just shake the fuck out of them.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Silly boy! Why go through all that time and effort?

Just turn them inside out!

HistoriCat February 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Just don't do any sharing. (scroll down to "Sloppy Fecunds")

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

But never shake your baby!!

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Just shake the fuck out of them.

Laughing now.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Clip 'em to the clothesline, and darn the holes!

prommie February 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Obammer has discovered how to direct the GOP's knee-jerk opposition to anything he favors back on them. He could do this every day for years: first, pick an issue that the overwhelming majority of sane people have no problem with; next, express approval of the majority opinion, while pretending that it is somehow controversial; and last, sit back and watch the GOPers make asses of themselves by opposing and demonizing a non-controversial issue that the vast majority of people have no problem with. Result: the vast majority of the people come to perceive the GOPers as a bunch of assclowns and crazies.

Baconzgood February 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

He should say in his next SOTU "Puppies are cute".

prommie February 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Express his support for motherhood, baseball, and apple pie.

KeepFnThatChicken February 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

…there's Santorum gumming up the wheels of progress. :(

Abernathy February 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I wish! The last step seems to be more like "sit back and watch as a small group of insane assholes manage to eff things up in some way for everyone, even though they are a small group of assholes, and then watch those same assholes get reelected as the media fairly weighs every insane asshole thing they have to say as though it were precious, precious gold." Exception: DADT, which had the weight of the almighty military machine behind it, demanding fresh meat.

el_donaldo February 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Women and their boobs are destroying the economy by requiring lactatoriums, so the response is to allow their employers to make the important decisions regarding their vaginas. Wow! Makes sense!

UnholyMoses February 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

So they're making it more difficult to get birth control so there can be more abortions?

Oh, wait — the GOP is trying to ban those as well.

So they want a bunch of people without health insurance to use Medicaid to pay for that very expensive birth?

Oh, wait — The GOP is trying to defund that.

So … they want a bunch of unwed moms/large families dependent on government assistance since they won't have the money to pay all their bills and/or eat?

Uhhhh … the GOP is trying to destroy any and all assistance programs as well.

So … it's just another way for the GOP to punish women for enjoying sex and/or creating a larger underclass they can exploit for financial and political gain.

Yeah. That sounds about right …

hagajim February 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

We can solve this problem….everyone just do oral and anal…no problem. Isn't that how the kids get around it these days?

SheriffRoscoe February 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

What happened to the America we once knew, the one that despised Catholics? I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

slithytoves February 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

THAT is fucking hysterical!

LetUsBray February 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Have you flogged your bishop today, America?

Pithaughn February 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

True story, we asked the waitress in a truck stop where the cemetery was, she asked back " Catholic or regular? " Wakeeny KS.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It might be important to have majorities in the Senate and House to stamp out nonsense like this, don't you think? Or does that just happen by accident?

sunmusing February 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

It also might be important on the state level as well. In Colorado we still have Ken Buck and his group looking to push us to the right or (wrong). I sure would like to send them to Afganistan or some such place.

flamingpdog February 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Pseudo-Democrats like Guvnuh Dickinpooper aren't helping things by standing for nothing that might maybe lose them a single vote. Or upset the gas and oil industry.

Andrew Drinker February 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Give us a 70-seat supermajority in the Senate and our Democrats will still cave. "Oh, sure, we can institute a rule that says no bill shall pass without all 30 Republicans voting Yes. Why not? It's only fair!"

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

OK, forget I said anything! I expect the pre-defeated to organize the condom and pill airlifts from Canada, also.

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I just don't think that it is all that fun for them.

smokefilledroommate February 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

The fact that the White House thinks this is about contraception is the whole problem. This is about freedom of religion

…to curtail women's reproductive freedom.

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

OT, I am so embarrassed , Jim Newell "visited" me and I wasn't dressed.

Fare la Volpe February 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Oh my.

I hope you were willing and able to accommodate his intrusion.

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

He's a ginger, I always have had a soft spot for them.

sunmusing February 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Are there photos?

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

It's okay, Liz. Neither was he.

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Awesome, MrLimeyLizzie is a ginger , well before he went white, so I am used to the ginger pubes.

HistoriCat February 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Not even a Nazi uniform? For shame.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

You've also got a posse of wingtards parked at your profile, LIzzie. The least Newell could do was shoo them away.

Limeylizzie February 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I noticed that, wtf, I wasn't even on the Wonkette this weekend.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I've got em' as well. Like lice. On pubes.

NYNYNYjr February 19, 2012 at 8:16 pm

It's was him! Goody Newell, he visited me in the night and sat on my chest, so I could hardly breathe!

Limeylizzie February 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Excellent!

SheriffRoscoe February 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Next up, closing every business in America on the Sabbath because it says to do so explicitly in the Bible, in accordance with the Catholic bishops standing on their principles.

HAHAHAHAHA. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, BITCHES.

Fare la Volpe February 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Welcome to the South.

An_Outhouse February 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Which Sabbath?

ALL OF THEM KATIE!! THREE DAY WEEKENDS FROM NOW ON.

SayItWithWookies February 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

And that lending money at interest stuff is soooooo over.

Allmighty_Manos February 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I'm surprised the religious right hasn't decided that employer-based health coverage for women is in itself a sign of moral decline, as it only acts to encourage women to join the workforce and leave their kids in daycare, thereby breaking up the family. And how many more marriages would stay together if wives knew the only way they were going to have their medical bills paid is if they stuck it out with their husband.

qwerty42 February 13, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Isn't contraception the big issue of … uh … the 70's? Good times, good times.

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"On May 9, 1960, the FDA announced it would approve Enovid 10 mg for contraceptive use, which it did on June 23, 1960, by which time Enovid 10 mg had been in general use for three years during which time, by conservative estimate, at least half a million women had used it."

qwerty42 February 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

So it was a big issue of the 60's. Cripes, are the themes of the election of 2012 going to be "Acid, Amnesty, Abortion" and will Vietnam play a role? Even David Frum had questions about this:
From the last part of his article:

The idea is that they are not against contraception. They are only against requiring any employer or plan to provide contraception if that employer or plan conscientiously objects to contraception.

So they say, so they may sincerely believe.

But politics is not only about what you say. It is also about what your intended audience will hear.

…Which means it will be very hard if not impossible to persuade the target audience that this debate is not in fact about contraception. Everybody quite sure that's a wise debate to have?

spinozasgod February 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

OFF TOPIC:
Dear Wonkette community. I am in a sad situation and need some help/advice. I was laid-off in December. I live in WI(which is bad enough these days), but it looks as if I will be getting a job offer in Pensecola FL, which is even more insane than WI. Is anyone out there in Wonkette land living in Pensacola? Where do I move, what organizations do I join, which shrink do I go to in order to learn how to survive living in the deep south? HELP!!!!!!!!

ChernobylSoup February 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I hope you get the job offer.

spinozasgod February 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Thanks, I need to work. Although being a liberal I guess I am supposed to be lazy and live off the big fat unemployment checks I get and smoke "the weed". In reality the unemployment barely covers the COBRA costs, and I have never even tried weed.

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

My condolences on both WI and FL. And non-congratulations on job offer, as I don't want to jinx it until it is in your hot little hand.

prommie February 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Its time to start drinking heavily.

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I'm not in Pensacola, but if I tell you the weather, and those beaches will help, I'd not be lying. Looooooooong walks on those beaches will help a lot. I speak from experience. C'mon down!

ShaveTheWhales February 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I believe SpurningBeer is in the neighborhood. You might want to ask him.

HuddledMass February 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I know Pensacola is a hotbed of tardness, but the Fla panhandle beaches are fantastically, white-sugar-sand, out-of-this-world lovely and peaceful.
Caveat: I haven't been there since the Macondo oil rig blowout…

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 3:09 pm

So much for Scott Walker and his "Wisconsin Is Open For Business.", eh?

horsedreamer_1 February 13, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Wisconsin is open for cronyism.

NYNYNYjr February 19, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Could have been worse, I mean, Florida isn't really the Deep South, in my opinion. It's almost like a freakish little California. I feel like that's the better part of the state too. It's been a while since I've been there, but I remember the beach and the weather were great.

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

This is all a distraction from the real issue, which is do women actually have souls and how many of us deserve to be burned at the stake for witchcraft? Stay focused people!

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

We solved that ages ago!

Women float, therefore they are lighter than ducks, therefore they are made of wood and WITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!

MosesInvests February 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

Urban_Achiever February 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Republicans, Listen UP:

Nowhere in the bible does Jesus say, "Use Artificial Contraceptives, especially those provided by your Catholic employer, and Ye shall burn in hell"

He DOES, however, say this "Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me." (Matthew 25:40)

So SUCK ON THAT

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Well, if sucking on a poor brother is sucking Jesus, then let me get my knee pads.

twaingirl February 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You must be reading the Liberal Bible. Reagan Jesus never said that.

DaRooster February 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"Well, you know the President is black so we take a lot of joy from messing with anything he is trying to straighten out."
-(R)

chascates February 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, noted for their stand on priest-child sex abuse, has problems with Obama's 'accommodation':
the administration’s plan still includes a “nationwide mandate of insurance coverage of sterilization and contraception, including some abortifacients.”
All of this is untrue but since we live in America rather than the Vatican trying to please Catholic bishops has even less weight. Has historian Newt Gingrich (and recent papist convert) made any statements on the evils of trying to thwart God's baby making machine?

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want. French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

not that Dewey February 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Jim — I'm not sure Santorum will fall for that Tylenol ruse. If God had wanted us to take Tylenol, he wouldn't have given us headaches! Or something.

JustPixelz February 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I will amend my call for random denial of health insurance* for members of Congress. Members should have contraception, abortion, boner pills, etc coverage included in proportion to the population at large. If, as a body, they want to make birth control optional, some of their members and their families will have to live without it.
________________________________
* By lottery each year members of Congress get their health insurance dropped or reinstated to match the percent of Americans who are covered. Let let them live with the uncertainty from year to year. Let them try to buy coverage on the open market.

Goonemeritus February 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

As a potential Buddhist I find my tax payer dollars going to provide meat in government dining rooms and in MRE’s unacceptable.

proudgrampa February 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

McConnell (R-Douchebag) is the perfect argument for retroactive abortion.

glamourdammerung February 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

That was uncalled for.

Turtles can not get abortions.

An_Outhouse February 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Which religion uses mushrooms and peyote as sacraments? I want to be one of those.
RELIGIOUS LIBERTY!!!!!1!!!!

CivicHoliday February 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

The Duggers approve.

Ducksworthy February 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I believe that Monty Python has released the rights to Every Sperm is Sacred for use in political commercials during the 2012 campaign.

widestanceshakedown February 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

When are the Rs going to get around to the issue of women wearing pants instead of dresses/skirts? This issue is about the very fabric of religious freedom!

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

This won't be the first or last time I declare that I don't understand American Catholics. The Church has made it clear for about 50 years that they are not interested in getting the memo their parishioners have been sending about birth control, abortion and a bunch of other issues. Yet Catholics are ok with going through the motions on particular teachings they don't believe in, because the Church is such a (familiar? comfortable? expected? colorful? what is it?) part of their cultures. Meanwhile, the Church hierarchy parades around trying to intimidate elected officials as if millions of lay Catholics have their backs. It's farcical, and now the Church finally has the political clout among conservatives to enforce its nonsensical ideas in ways that will actually cost Catholics something. So what will they do about it?

Although I despise evangelical fundies from personal experience, at least their pew-stuffers understand you should either believe or get the fuck out.

imissopus February 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Charlie Pierce over at Esquire has been ranting about the president accommodating the bishops when, as you said, the vast majority of Catholics are not with them on this. But as long as these guys are passing themselves off as representing the Catholic Church in America, what's Obama supposed to do? He has to deal with them. These guys aren't going to change their minds because of a lecture from the president, and it's not his job anyway. Reform within the church has to come from within the laity, and from the outside it does not look as if they are even close to getting some more open-minded bishops into power. To say nothing of the dinks in the Vatican.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Well, Catholicism is not a democracy, so how would "reform from the laity" work?

imissopus February 13, 2012 at 3:23 pm

No idea. I don't know if it's possible – the church seems to be too rigid and hierarchic and top-down in its power structure. But Pierce seemed to be worked up because Obama was partially accommodating the bishops instead of somehow dragging them kicking and screaming into the 21st century by keeping the contraception rule untouched. My thinking was, the leaders of the church aren't going to listen to the president and it's not his job to convince them to become more modern in their thinking anyway. So where does the pressure to honestly represent and speak for the laity come from? In an ideal world, it would come from the laity itself. Whether that is possible in the actual world we live in? No clue. I don't know enough about the church's inner workings.

MozakiBlocks February 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Mr. Mozaki Blocks is the only person who is allowed to care about what goes on inside my vagina and uterus. Everyone else can mind their own fucking business and I mean that in more ways than one.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Look at those republicans, blatantly stroking their bishops, right there in public.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Kneel before the Bishopric!!

Ducksworthy February 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

In the 1970's I had the misfortune of encountering the founders of the Right to Life movement (interesting note: daughter of founder went on to work for Rosemary Woods in Nixon's office.)
At that time, pre-Roe v. Wade, their focus was on the evils of contraception. For the per-enlightenment troglodytes who run the Catholic Church, that is still the issue. So, indeed, every sperm is sacred. I hope the Amurikkan Peeble come to understand this fact. Also, please get your penis out of that underage boy and tell me why it is my moral duty to vote for Rick Frothymix.

Blueb4sunrise February 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

A ram and a deer are set to be "married" at a zoo in south-western China on Valentine's Day, state-run media report.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-170093

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

It is a sign of the times that I misread that as "a man and a deer" before I clicked.

imissopus February 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

This is exactly what Santorum has been warning us about.

Beowoof February 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Birth control is not necessary in their closet.

Chet Kincaid February 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Belly laugh

smitallica February 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

So did McConnell basically say that he'd introduce any legislation as long as it contradicts the president, even if it's DOA and a guaranteed political loser?

We already knew that, Yertl.

smitallica February 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You can have my contraception when you pry it from my hot, lissome, 18 year-old girlfriend.

Callyson February 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

And in a related story:
President Obama for the first time has opened a sizable lead over his most likely Republican opponents, thanks to growing support among independent voters, according to a new Pew Research Center poll. http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-poll-s

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Not surprising. I'm waiting for the RNC where they will unveil their new campaign ad, Why You Should Vote For President Obama.

kissawookiee February 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

“ensure that health care stakeholders retain the right to provide, purchase, or enroll in health coverage that is consistent with their religious beliefs and moral convictions”

Since these provisions in Blunt's bill are numbered one and two (with #1 referring to the employer's right to not cover contraception, and #2 referring to the employee's right to not pay into a plan that offers contraception), does the employer have primacy? I mean, birth control coverage is completely consistent with my personal moral convictions, so does my employer still get to deny my right to enroll in such a plan?

I wasn't really expecting logic to be a major player in this argument, but am kinda disappointed that they couldn't even fake their way past the first obvious question (e.g., "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" or "Did you really ask for an open marriage?")..

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Has the catholic church yet officially recognized that human fetuses are not contained fully formed within the male sperm? Because I think this "controversy" might become null and void if a preist somewhere

BigDumbRedDog February 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm

My iphone must be hungry because it ate half my comment. Oh well.

deanbooth February 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"Opt out! Opt out!" she screamed, as her fear of pregnancy almost made her romney.

DarwinianDemon February 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"I didn't vote in 2010 and all I got was this Theocracy"

outragedcitizen February 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

These old white assholes are trying to legislate morality. Just for the record, I am white and 65 and "they" are my generation, (but don't worry we will be gone soon enough). Anyway, "they" want to take the entire country back to the 1950s where among other things, properly married couples got pregnant simply by being married and if they did not want to get pregnant they just didn't. It was magic, no sex involved therefore contraception was not needed.

Of course, some times a woman did get accidentally pregnant. It was totally her fault and well, that was what coat hangers and back alleys were for.

glamourdammerung February 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Why is Joey Ratzinger's SuperPAC/Child rapist advocacy project not getting taxed again?

marinmaven February 13, 2012 at 7:49 pm

If employers believed that "going soft in the man parts" was "God's Will" and as a result they didn't want to cover Viagra, we would be having a different conversation in this country. Just saying.

horsedreamer_1 February 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Funny, the phrasing "nepotism" is a Church coining.

Maybe the Borgia Popes should have used contraception.

elburritodeluxe February 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

OK, Republicans, listen up. It's either lactation chambers and no birth control or birth control and no lactation chambers. Please take your pick.

Abernathy February 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Health coverage that is consistent with my religious beliefs and moral convictions = Single payer. When can I sign up?

ttommyunger February 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Don't ask me how I know, but our Veterans Hospitals provide Viagra AND Cialis just like any other Rx item.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Or maybe an packet or two or "Oriental" flavor. (WTF is Oriental flavor, by the way?)

Geminisunmars February 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Sodium.

MrFizzy February 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Depends on your orientation – maybe there should be an LGBT sauce.

smitallica February 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Cat.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

But wait…that's what beef, shrimp, chicken, and vegetable taste like.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Good lord…what would that taste like? It must taste like…no, I can't. I won't…I can't say it.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Pffft!—

ShaveTheWhales February 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Right. Sodium.

Dashboard Buddha February 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

oh…ok. I see.

Barb February 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Classic! I laughed until I snorted.

Man0nTheStreet February 14, 2012 at 2:38 am

This wouldn't happen to be occurring right after the salmon have returned and spawned themselves to death, is it?

MrFizzy February 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Sweet Jeebus – sorry, I meant flavoring, not sauce. I think it would taste like leather and lavender. Not a bad name for a perfume now that I think about it.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: