FLOTUS FILES  12:04 pm February 13, 2012

Michelle Obama Celebrates Fitness Campaign Success With ‘Obesity Tour’

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Were you aware that we, as a nation, are currently celebrating the second anniversary of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign? Probably not, because McDonald’s did not advertise this on its napkins. Our FLOTUS, the arms and inspiration behind the campaign, knew it was time to celebrate, however, and so she embarked upon a cross-country birthday tour, hitting some of America’s most well-known and cherished obesity strongholds. Apparently this is also why she challenged Ellen DeGeneres to a push-up contest last week on teevee, although we thought it was just to stir up trouble, for fun. This past weekend, Michelle bravely took her health crusade to Texas and Disney World, because she just loves a challenge.

On Friday, our FLOTUS judged a cooking competition to prove that new school lunch standards are the greatest, especially for all those schools that can afford to serve whole wheat turkey tacos, pureed melon juice, pork chops and sweet potatoes. After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared a three-way tie – boring! What is the point of a contest without tears and crushed self-esteem?

And on Saturday, Michelle Obama went to Disney World, where the Rascal scooters are specifically built to accommodate those giant turkey legs. And now here is your video of Michelle Obama doing the “Platypus Walk,” a new dance craze that is sweeping Orlando.

[Let's Move]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 49 comments }

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

A cooking competition with school lunch food? It's the tots that count.

nounverb911 February 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

How did the deep-fried Twinkies do?

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Fuck, I didn't get to fix my typo before you replied.
"it's the tot that counts" Yeah, I'm wasted and it is funny in my head.

Indiepalin February 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It's the thought that counts

Barb February 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Yes, thank you for explaining my pun.

DaRooster February 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

BTW Barb, that little script on the good script that reads "WARNING-Alcohol may intensify effect" has never felt like a warning to me… more like good advice.

Hope you a feel weller.

jus_wonderin February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I agree about the warning. And, I always crave operating heavy machinery. Go figure.

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Yeah, I always thought that was like some kind of a challenge or something.

GOPCrusher February 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Actually, it's much better with the tot in it. Don't change a thing.

Mumbletypeg February 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm
orygoon February 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

We missed you so much, Barb.

proudgrampa February 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I LOVE Tater Tots!

YouBetcha February 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Suck it, Laura Bush! This is how it's done.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Wasn't Lady Bird Johnson's thing to have people pick up trash along the highwys?

We've come a long way, Baby!

MinAgain February 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Michelle is the coolest First Lady ever. And I am unaminous in this.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I think Abigail Adams was kinda cool.

And who could forget Dolly Madison? When she wasn't busy baking those godawful snack cakes, of course…

Mumbletypeg February 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Dolley Madison

This coming Monday — "PRESIDENT's Day" — is a school & state workers' holiday in VA; we'll be taking my niece & nephew to tour Montpelier, the James Madison estate near the Shenandoah valley, so they (and myself, hell) can learn more about him AND his hostess-w/-the-mostest First Lady.

Their mother and I grew up eating Dolley's namesake snack cakes. We somehow managed to eat them regularly, watch tons of tv and still not get fat back then. I think it's because we had equal amounts of time outdoors — handed down as a mandate, not a request — to run skip & jump off all that sugar intake.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

MBTP:

Thank you for the correction! No "e" is the baker; with an "e" is the former First Lady.

BerkeleyBear February 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

If grace under fire is the measure of a person, Dolley Madison is at the top of the list (and her husband was a ninny).

Fukui_sanYesOta February 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Goddamn, the FLOTUS makes even the platypus dance look sexah.

Best first lady evar.

JustPixelz February 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It's easy enough to have a school lunch cooking competition. It's the tasting and judging that are dicey.

Next on "Chopped": Your mystery basket contains: fish sticks, sloppy joe on a bun, creamed corn, Jello.

All three were winners! Just like the Repubican primaries. (Except there are four. And, let's say they're "participants" rather than actual "winners".)

Baconzgood February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

School food is as appetizing as that shit that they make on Iron Chef.

ThundercatHo February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

What, you didn't like the raw chicken ice cream?

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm

They actually had 3 lunch ladies competing. It was fantastic, they loved their kids and even had clips of them packing weekend meals for their kids they know don't eat on the weekend. I wanted ALL of them to win, and sobbed when the one that did, brought her students and and they were all crying. It was life-affirming.

BaldarTFlagass February 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared all that stuff 'tasted like ass' and went and got a burger."

ttommyunger February 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Fap, fap, fap!

RedneckMuslin February 13, 2012 at 12:20 pm

PlatyPUS?

Baconzgood February 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

That's a pretty weird Tom Wait's song.

RedneckMuslin February 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I love her more now than ever!

She's a cooler First Babe than that library lady.

memzilla February 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Mrs. Obama could solve the nation's obesity problem in about ten seconds with one sentence: "Everything you find delicious — Doritos, burgers, fried chicken, pizza… everything — is from secret recipes in the Anarchist Socialist Cookbook by Barack Obama and Saul Alinsky."

SexySmurf February 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared a three-way tie

This proves Michelle is morally weak.

jus_wonderin February 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

But, but, she said three-way.

RedneckMuslin February 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

They all won so that proves she's a socialist.

SolitaireRose February 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Let's keep up the idea that being healthy and living to be in your 40s is a socialist plot. That way I can make it into my 50's and no longer have to put up with my tubby teatard contemporaries yelling at me from their scooters about how liberals are Nazis.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:23 pm

When she gets around the country, she gets a round!

MozakiBlocks February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Michelle should challenge Ann Romney to a dance-off just for giggles.

actor212 February 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

A pants-off dance-off!

Mumbletypeg February 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Recommendation: Wear black in honor of the two-years', for slimming-effect & disguise how little we've shed in actual flab over that timespan of being admonished by our FLOTUS for health's sake.
Adding for spite, because she earned it: since the first article I ever read about then-Governor LouSarah was a WSJ piece showcasing her fitness obsession (running regularly each week etc.), I'm entertaining the image of a pouty Palin whose earliest attempted impression, that of a self-infatuated mavericky powerwalking mama-grizzly, got pwned in message and deed by a selfless, thoroughly professional enthusiast whose caring for kids' well-being nationwide is only surpassed by the clear caring she shows for her own.

SayItWithWookies February 13, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Platypi also have poison spurs on their back feet. It's comletely un-American to name an exercise dance after a shifty southern hemisphere monotreme!

BerkeleyBear February 13, 2012 at 2:54 pm

But the Platypus in question is a Disney property, so no spurs allowed. He's as all American as corn syrup and tax shelters.

HarryButtle February 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Obama/Perry (the platypus, not the douchebag Texan) 2012!

freakishlywrong February 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

History's Greatest Monster. (I mean the platypus).

barto February 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Damn I was hoping that the new craze would be Rick Scott doing the Perp Walk!

gurukalehuru February 13, 2012 at 1:12 pm

That was no platypus. That was Perry the Platypus.

Tundra Grifter February 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

When I read our First Lady was going on an 'Obesity Tour" I figured she was just going over to Ole Newt's campaign HQ.

Andrew Drinker February 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Many Republicans think the Let's Move! campaign is over. This is because they believe the First Lady died Saturday night after taking Xanax and alcohol together and accidentally drowning in a bathtub at the Beverly Hills hotel.

fuflans February 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

god it would just suck being first lady.

Nostrildamus February 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

FLOTUS rocks the Ornithorhynchus!

reginagreene February 14, 2012 at 6:05 am

So this has made me wonder if Michele Obama has ever really been in a fight and how would she do??? Its easy to seem tuff if you only have to fight kids who are fat and have your guards there to back you. I think this "sttreet thing of hers is just an act.

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