flotus files

Michelle Obama Celebrates Fitness Campaign Success With ‘Obesity Tour’

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Were you aware that we, as a nation, are currently celebrating the second anniversary of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign? Probably not, because McDonald’s did not advertise this on its napkins. Our FLOTUS, the arms and inspiration behind the campaign, knew it was time to celebrate, however, and so she embarked upon a cross-country birthday tour, hitting some of America’s most well-known and cherished obesity strongholds. Apparently this is also why she challenged Ellen DeGeneres to a push-up contest last week on teevee, although we thought it was just to stir up trouble, for fun. This past weekend, Michelle bravely took her health crusade to Texas and Disney World, because she just loves a challenge.

On Friday, our FLOTUS judged a cooking competition to prove that new school lunch standards are the greatest, especially for all those schools that can afford to serve whole wheat turkey tacos, pureed melon juice, pork chops and sweet potatoes. After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared a three-way tie – boring! What is the point of a contest without tears and crushed self-esteem?

And on Saturday, Michelle Obama went to Disney World, where the Rascal scooters are specifically built to accommodate those giant turkey legs. And now here is your video of Michelle Obama doing the “Platypus Walk,” a new dance craze that is sweeping Orlando.

[Let’s Move]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    A cooking competition with school lunch food? It's the tots that count.

    • nounverb911

      How did the deep-fried Twinkies do?

      • Barb

        Fuck, I didn't get to fix my typo before you replied.
        "it's the tot that counts" Yeah, I'm wasted and it is funny in my head.

        • Indiepalin

          It's the thought that counts

          • Barb

            Yes, thank you for explaining my pun.

        • DaRooster

          BTW Barb, that little script on the good script that reads "WARNING-Alcohol may intensify effect" has never felt like a warning to me… more like good advice.

          Hope you a feel weller.

          • jus_wonderin

            I agree about the warning. And, I always crave operating heavy machinery. Go figure.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Yeah, I always thought that was like some kind of a challenge or something.

        • GOPCrusher

          Actually, it's much better with the tot in it. Don't change a thing.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg
    • orygoon

      We missed you so much, Barb.

    • proudgrampa

      I LOVE Tater Tots!

  • YouBetcha

    Suck it, Laura Bush! This is how it's done.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Wasn't Lady Bird Johnson's thing to have people pick up trash along the highwys?

      We've come a long way, Baby!

  • MinAgain

    Michelle is the coolest First Lady ever. And I am unaminous in this.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I think Abigail Adams was kinda cool.

      And who could forget Dolly Madison? When she wasn't busy baking those godawful snack cakes, of course…

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Dolley Madison

        This coming Monday — "PRESIDENT's Day" — is a school & state workers' holiday in VA; we'll be taking my niece & nephew to tour Montpelier, the James Madison estate near the Shenandoah valley, so they (and myself, hell) can learn more about him AND his hostess-w/-the-mostest First Lady.

        Their mother and I grew up eating Dolley's namesake snack cakes. We somehow managed to eat them regularly, watch tons of tv and still not get fat back then. I think it's because we had equal amounts of time outdoors — handed down as a mandate, not a request — to run skip & jump off all that sugar intake.

        • Tundra Grifter

          MBTP:

          Thank you for the correction! No "e" is the baker; with an "e" is the former First Lady.

        • BerkeleyBear

          If grace under fire is the measure of a person, Dolley Madison is at the top of the list (and her husband was a ninny).

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Goddamn, the FLOTUS makes even the platypus dance look sexah.

    Best first lady evar.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    It's easy enough to have a school lunch cooking competition. It's the tasting and judging that are dicey.

    Next on "Chopped": Your mystery basket contains: fish sticks, sloppy joe on a bun, creamed corn, Jello.

    All three were winners! Just like the Repubican primaries. (Except there are four. And, let's say they're "participants" rather than actual "winners".)

    • Baconzgood

      School food is as appetizing as that shit that they make on Iron Chef.

      • ThundercatHo

        What, you didn't like the raw chicken ice cream?

    • freakishlywrong

      They actually had 3 lunch ladies competing. It was fantastic, they loved their kids and even had clips of them packing weekend meals for their kids they know don't eat on the weekend. I wanted ALL of them to win, and sobbed when the one that did, brought her students and and they were all crying. It was life-affirming.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared all that stuff 'tasted like ass' and went and got a burger."

  • ttommyunger

    Fap, fap, fap!

    • RedneckMuslin

      PlatyPUS?

  • Baconzgood

    That's a pretty weird Tom Wait's song.

  • RedneckMuslin

    I love her more now than ever!

    She's a cooler First Babe than that library lady.

  • memzilla

    Mrs. Obama could solve the nation's obesity problem in about ten seconds with one sentence: "Everything you find delicious — Doritos, burgers, fried chicken, pizza… everything — is from secret recipes in the Anarchist Socialist Cookbook by Barack Obama and Saul Alinsky."

  • SexySmurf

    After tasting all the lunches, Michelle decided she could not pick a winner and declared a three-way tie

    This proves Michelle is morally weak.

    • jus_wonderin

      But, but, she said three-way.

    • RedneckMuslin

      They all won so that proves she's a socialist.

  • SolitaireRose

    Let's keep up the idea that being healthy and living to be in your 40s is a socialist plot. That way I can make it into my 50's and no longer have to put up with my tubby teatard contemporaries yelling at me from their scooters about how liberals are Nazis.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    When she gets around the country, she gets a round!

  • MozakiBlocks

    Michelle should challenge Ann Romney to a dance-off just for giggles.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      A pants-off dance-off!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Recommendation: Wear black in honor of the two-years', for slimming-effect & disguise how little we've shed in actual flab over that timespan of being admonished by our FLOTUS for health's sake.
    Adding for spite, because she earned it: since the first article I ever read about then-Governor LouSarah was a WSJ piece showcasing her fitness obsession (running regularly each week etc.), I'm entertaining the image of a pouty Palin whose earliest attempted impression, that of a self-infatuated mavericky powerwalking mama-grizzly, got pwned in message and deed by a selfless, thoroughly professional enthusiast whose caring for kids' well-being nationwide is only surpassed by the clear caring she shows for her own.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Platypi also have poison spurs on their back feet. It's comletely un-American to name an exercise dance after a shifty southern hemisphere monotreme!

    • BerkeleyBear

      But the Platypus in question is a Disney property, so no spurs allowed. He's as all American as corn syrup and tax shelters.

  • HarryButtle

    Obama/Perry (the platypus, not the douchebag Texan) 2012!

  • freakishlywrong

    History's Greatest Monster. (I mean the platypus).

  • barto

    Damn I was hoping that the new craze would be Rick Scott doing the Perp Walk!

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    That was no platypus. That was Perry the Platypus.

  • Tundra Grifter

    When I read our First Lady was going on an 'Obesity Tour" I figured she was just going over to Ole Newt's campaign HQ.

  • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

    Many Republicans think the Let's Move! campaign is over. This is because they believe the First Lady died Saturday night after taking Xanax and alcohol together and accidentally drowning in a bathtub at the Beverly Hills hotel.

  • fuflans

    god it would just suck being first lady.

  • Nostrildamus

    FLOTUS rocks the Ornithorhynchus!

  • reginagreene

    So this has made me wonder if Michele Obama has ever really been in a fight and how would she do??? Its easy to seem tuff if you only have to fight kids who are fat and have your guards there to back you. I think this "sttreet thing of hers is just an act.