ROBOT CPACALYPSE  4:24 pm February 10, 2012

Look, It’s Mitt Romney In His True Robot Form

by Jim Newell

Here, via Operative/”Wonkette Guy” Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. “TICKETS, TICKETS” he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt, get your clothes back on! “FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, FEED MY SKULL FISH HEADS,” he then went on, before his handlers tackled him and dragged him back to the Lab for a fundraiser with other Ticket Robots.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 118 comments }

Barb February 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

The Mitt-Wit 2016 model.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Barb!

Barb February 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Lionel!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 5:53 pm

What do you say to a beer, Barb?

SudsMcKenzie February 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Barb!

Barb February 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Suds!

orygoon February 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

HI! HI YOU!

Barb February 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Ory, great to see you.

MosesInvests February 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Barb!

Barb February 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Moses! Let my panties go! Wait, let my people go!

Radiotherapy February 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Barb, free free at last of those fireballs.

orygoon February 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

You be good now and don't chew your stitches out, like that golden retriever puppy I had did.

Barb February 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I'll try not to chew them out, Lovie.

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Let me do it instead!

Radiotherapy February 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

When is the fibroid b-b-q? I've got some fetus in the freezer waiting for just such an occasion.

Barb February 10, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I hear that the biggest fibroid was the size of a grapefruit and was twisted. We are going to eat like Kings at our fibroid BBQ.

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Oh, okay… *tap, tap* "Is this thing on?"

BARB!!

Barb February 10, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I love you guys so much. I was so scared and I wanted to skip the surgery. I'm glad that it's over with.

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

You did exactly the right thing, we're all glad you're recuperating safely and we are all here for you.

Also, FIBROID-A QUE!! Steve Rachlin would be awestruck.

Welcome back.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 9:08 pm

We're just glad you're ok.

fuflans February 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm

i'm totally imaging you convalescing to wonkette and wishing all the best in speedy recoveries.

ThundercatHo February 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

So glad that you are back and feel well enough to type but please don't overdo. Take your pain meds and a laxative/stool softener if you need it, drink lots of fluids and rest, rest, rest.

Barb February 11, 2012 at 7:09 am

ThundercatHo! Thanks for the great advice. I made it up the stairs and I am going to stay up here for a while.

AlterNewt February 10, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Glad you are okay. Would you like a Little Debbie?

Barb February 11, 2012 at 7:10 am

Alter! You know Little Debbies are my weakness. That and the brown liquors.

AlterNewt February 11, 2012 at 8:56 am

No dunking though, okay?

BearNoLike February 11, 2012 at 12:16 am

HAHA YOU BACK YAY

Barb February 11, 2012 at 7:11 am

Yep, my family started migrating toward Albuquerque, to try to get my stuff after I died. Wow, they are gonna be disappointed.

BearNoLike February 11, 2012 at 10:34 am

Disappoint them for as long as possible, that's my plan. Glad you're ok.

CapnFatback February 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Each ticket good for one ride atop the Romney family sedan in your very own dog crate.

ChernobylSoup February 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Shoulda bought that insurance from Sam Waterston.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-liv

(I delete my comment and bow to you)

SudsMcKenzie February 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

He somehow seems more human.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I refuse to believe that this is the Mitt-bot, as this robot appears to have a personality.

chascates February 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Wow, even the robots at CPAC look hokey. These people stopped thinking during the early 1960s.

chicken_thief February 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Updated with the latest in Fortran programming!

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

It wipes its ass with punch cards.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Finally, a case where someone should have sprung for the extended warranty.

nounverb911 February 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

BTW, Mittens used a TELEPROMPTER at his speech.

Hypocrite!

BarackMyWorld February 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

He'll probably claim he'll never use them when he's president.

And since he'll never be president, that promise will work out pretty well.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I though presidential teleprompters had been defunded. Because no one ever used one before Obama, you know.

littlebigdaddy February 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

But where do you stick your dick in it?

chicken_thief February 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It's conservative, so in the ass, of course.

edgydrifter February 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

This is not the pleasure droid I've been looking for.

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Wait! Isn't that the cage the dog was riding in????

ChurchofRealism February 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Clearly, he's just looking for a yiff pile.

elburritodeluxe February 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

HELLO DID YOU SEE MY AD IN CASUAL ENCOUNTERS

IceCreamEmpress February 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That conservabot's got a bit of a wide stance , y/y?

BlueStateLibel February 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Oh so high-tech, like something the Japanese envisioned in 1952!

Chillwillard February 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"TICKET MONSTER?" Mitt is the "Vote Monster," programmed to say/do anything to get votes.

mrpuma2u February 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

NOW GET ME THOSE SUPER-PAC WIRE TRANSFERS I REQUESTED
-END OF LINE

elburritodeluxe February 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

If Obama is re-elected this will be your health care provider. Think about it, America!

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I first read that as "the mental ones". But that would be the case if the Republicans get the Presidency.

MosesInvests February 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

BlueStateLibel February 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

He's got all the dreamy good looks of a 1989 fax machine married with a 1993 word processor – swoooon.

SudsMcKenzie February 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Take me to your Palin".

orygoon February 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It's 2012 and we have 1) fights over contraception and 2) a robot that's a "ticket monster".

This is not the future I dreamed about when I was a ute.

Chichikovovich February 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

They said very clearly that we could expect flying cars. I feel cheated.

HistoriCat February 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm

"when I was a ute"

I knew Barb was going to try taking her uterus home. I never thought she would give it its own Intense Debate account!

BarackMyWorld February 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Where's ED-209 when you need him?

Designer_Rants February 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

It was a "glitch."

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Unfortunately it was programmed with a special fourth directive to keep it from harming anyone who is a member of Bain Capital.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Did he strip down like a tennis star because he won something? That as a trend in this primary is truly horrifying.

WhatTheHeck February 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Its that four-armed, Hindu, goddess, Mitt – the slum-dog millionaire.

Radiotherapy February 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Wonkbot-TSA 1138 would kick he/she/its ass.

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

LUCAS LIBEL!

ManchuCandidate February 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Domo-arigato Mr Rom-boto

MissTaken February 10, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I knew I feared Daleks for good reason.

savethispatient February 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

EL-EC-TOR-ATE! EL-EC-TOR-ATE! EL-EC-TOR-ATE!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Daleks have a murderous hatred of all other forms of life.

Mitt-bot just has a murderous hatred of the poor and middle class.

fuflans February 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

i'm pretty sure republicans scare me more than villains who strongly resemble the trash cans at LAX.

LiveToServeYa February 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Tell Mitt 9000 to open the pod bay doors. NO WAIT, DON'T OPEN THEM … MY GOD…IT"S FULL OF STARS..I mean shit…it's full of shit. Star shit. Whatever.

sezme February 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Some would say that disrobing in public is impolite. However, in MItt's defence, magic underwear gets hella itchy.

SayItWithWookies February 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Geeze — it's like Diebold isn't even pretending to count the actual votes anymore.

Rotundo_ February 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I think they're going by a new name now in the electronic voting division: Something like Electoral Solutions Inc. or something similar. I'm sure they have the same bag o' tricks and shennanigans available for the *right* candidate.

Designer_Rants February 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Ohio, I think you'll be most interested in our "ChadMangler3000."

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I don't understand.

Designer_Rants February 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Does not compute.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

[ABORT] [RETRY] [CONTINUE]

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Daisy, Daisy give me your answer, do.

MinAgain February 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Danger, American citizenry! Danger!

JackObin February 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I'll bet that robot enjoys a belt now and again, a big improvement over that mormon ding-a-ling.

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

It was spinning around the lobby saying "Plook me now, You savage rascal! Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine?"

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Kind of appropriate you get your tickets from a Bender, given how much bending over is going on at CPAC this weekend.

MissTaken February 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Not sure which is making me more nauseous: the ticket monster MittBot or the carpet.

Ohforcripessake February 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Hey! I think Rick just came up with a way to end war. Whenever the men-folk start fighting just drop a bunch of womens on 'em and they'll get all tender and forget about the mission!!1!

Rotundo_ February 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

And thus was the "hooker bomb conceived…

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Or if our troops are anything like the attendees at CPAC, they might melt down faster over some studly man-flesh.

cheaphits February 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Listen, it's saying –

"Let me be your leader.""

littlebigdaddy February 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I knew Bender. Bender was a friend of mine. And you, Ticket Monster, are no Bender.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

That's not really Mittens.

It's just another cover over his Space Lizard People suit.

DO NOT BE FOOLED!
~

smokefilledroommate February 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Does 'Tickets' = 'Cock' ?

IceCreamEmpress February 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Darth Cheney's undisclosed location has now been disclosed.

Designer_Rants February 10, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Nah, that's just one of Darth Cheney's incompetent droids. I believe its name is "George".

Callyson February 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

This is not my beautiful wife!

GOPCrusher February 10, 2012 at 5:57 pm

WORST. DALEK. COSTUME. EVAH!

Nostrildamus February 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Bristol's new gig is a step up.

pinkocommi February 10, 2012 at 7:04 pm

The difference between that robot and Mittens is that the robot is likeable.

BearNoLike February 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

Yeah any Zippo has more personality than Mittens. If he was a food, it would be paper-flavored Necco wafer.

Ticket Monster, though, looks like s/he could party.

40 or 50 % McShineys February 10, 2012 at 8:22 pm

It's like Superman's "disguise" — just glasses. How did no one see through it?

Stiff square robot / stiff square mormon. Same idea.

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm

And the color of U.S. dollars. At least one Mormon's favorite.

marinmaven February 10, 2012 at 8:23 pm

"Fish, and plankton, and sea greens, and protein from the sea."

fuflans February 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

ok this is like the fourth time we've seen that carpet. vile.

vile i tell you.

who is in charge of these things in DC and why has barack obama let us down AGAIN???

BZ1 February 11, 2012 at 1:55 am

Funnier than their comedian…

schvitzatura February 11, 2012 at 5:12 am

It was just some overheated college kid in that Ticket Monster/Ticketmaster costume, protecting you your right to scalp your highly-coveted CPAC event tickets.

Think Mike Damone for losers.
http://www.conservativejobs.com/JobSeeker/jobdeta

schvitzatura February 11, 2012 at 5:18 am

Plex just faceplanted.

schvitzatura February 11, 2012 at 5:18 am

Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Expel your mecha. Purge yourselves of artificiality.

schvitzatura February 11, 2012 at 5:20 am

GONK! GONK!

ttommyunger February 11, 2012 at 7:04 am

Old fart in background overheard saying: "I can't help it, the thought of all those black asses sitting on the White House Porcelain is just driving me fucking nuts!"

elburritodeluxe February 11, 2012 at 8:41 am

Is this thing a protest? About Ticket Master or something? Don't they know that CPAC is only about protesting Islam, blacks and gays?

YouAre____ February 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

There are three lights on in Mitt's robot skyscraper façade. Three is a magic number. Mormons are magic.

Mitt is a sorcerer.

slowhansolo February 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

All in all, I prefer the models that look like Pris and Zhora, but I understand this is CPAC we're talking about.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Hold onto your exploding heads, because this bit of absurdist theatre is put together by libertarians … who are upset at free-market ticket prices.
You can't make this stuff up

elburritodeluxe February 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I wouldn't fuck Ann Coulter with Ticket Monster's cock!

elburritodeluxe February 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

MY POLICIES ARE INFORMED BY MY TICKET MONSTER FAITH

musicmoney21 February 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Chris Holly plays Bob Marley for Mitt Romney–oh my http://youtu.be/Tyc_TkprO_M

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Oh and we'll need your old uterus to wave at republicans.

flamingpdog February 11, 2012 at 12:46 am

Sounds like fun, Barb, but about this fibroid thing, I think they prefer to be called Fibrican-Americans these days.

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