robot cpacalypse

Look, It’s Mitt Romney In His True Robot Form

Here, via Operative/”Wonkette Guy” Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. “TICKETS, TICKETS” he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt, get your clothes back on! “FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, FEED MY SKULL FISH HEADS,” he then went on, before his handlers tackled him and dragged him back to the Lab for a fundraiser with other Ticket Robots.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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          1. Barb

            I hear that the biggest fibroid was the size of a grapefruit and was twisted. We are going to eat like Kings at our fibroid BBQ.

          2. flamingpdog

            Sounds like fun, Barb, but about this fibroid thing, I think they prefer to be called Fibrican-Americans these days.

        1. C_R_Eature

          You did exactly the right thing, we're all glad you're recuperating safely and we are all here for you.

          Also, FIBROID-A QUE!! Steve Rachlin would be awestruck.

          Welcome back.

    1. ThundercatHo

      So glad that you are back and feel well enough to type but please don't overdo. Take your pain meds and a laxative/stool softener if you need it, drink lots of fluids and rest, rest, rest.

      1. Barb

        ThundercatHo! Thanks for the great advice. I made it up the stairs and I am going to stay up here for a while.

      1. Barb

        Yep, my family started migrating toward Albuquerque, to try to get my stuff after I died. Wow, they are gonna be disappointed.

  1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I refuse to believe that this is the Mitt-bot, as this robot appears to have a personality.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      He'll probably claim he'll never use them when he's president.

      And since he'll never be president, that promise will work out pretty well.

    1. flamingpdog

      I first read that as "the mental ones". But that would be the case if the Republicans get the Presidency.

  2. BlueStateLibel

    He's got all the dreamy good looks of a 1989 fax machine married with a 1993 word processor – swoooon.

  3. orygoon

    It's 2012 and we have 1) fights over contraception and 2) a robot that's a "ticket monster".

    This is not the future I dreamed about when I was a ute.

    1. HistoriCat

      "when I was a ute"

      I knew Barb was going to try taking her uterus home. I never thought she would give it its own Intense Debate account!

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Unfortunately it was programmed with a special fourth directive to keep it from harming anyone who is a member of Bain Capital.

  4. widestanceshakedown

    Did he strip down like a tennis star because he won something? That as a trend in this primary is truly horrifying.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Daleks have a murderous hatred of all other forms of life.

      Mitt-bot just has a murderous hatred of the poor and middle class.

  5. LiveToServeYa

    Tell Mitt 9000 to open the pod bay doors. NO WAIT, DON'T OPEN THEM … MY GOD…IT"S FULL OF STARS..I mean shit…it's full of shit. Star shit. Whatever.

  6. sezme

    Some would say that disrobing in public is impolite. However, in MItt's defence, magic underwear gets hella itchy.

    1. Rotundo_

      I think they're going by a new name now in the electronic voting division: Something like Electoral Solutions Inc. or something similar. I'm sure they have the same bag o' tricks and shennanigans available for the *right* candidate.

  7. C_R_Eature

    It was spinning around the lobby saying "Plook me now, You savage rascal! Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine?"

  8. flamingpdog

    Kind of appropriate you get your tickets from a Bender, given how much bending over is going on at CPAC this weekend.

  9. Ohforcripessake

    Hey! I think Rick just came up with a way to end war. Whenever the men-folk start fighting just drop a bunch of womens on 'em and they'll get all tender and forget about the mission!!1!

    1. BearNoLike

      Yeah any Zippo has more personality than Mittens. If he was a food, it would be paper-flavored Necco wafer.

      Ticket Monster, though, looks like s/he could party.

  10. 40 or 50 % McShineys

    It's like Superman's "disguise" — just glasses. How did no one see through it?

    Stiff square robot / stiff square mormon. Same idea.

  11. fuflans

    ok this is like the fourth time we've seen that carpet. vile.

    vile i tell you.

    who is in charge of these things in DC and why has barack obama let us down AGAIN???

  12. schvitzatura

    Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Expel your mecha. Purge yourselves of artificiality.

  13. ttommyunger

    Old fart in background overheard saying: "I can't help it, the thought of all those black asses sitting on the White House Porcelain is just driving me fucking nuts!"

  14. elburritodeluxe

    Is this thing a protest? About Ticket Master or something? Don't they know that CPAC is only about protesting Islam, blacks and gays?

  15. YouAre____

    There are three lights on in Mitt's robot skyscraper façade. Three is a magic number. Mormons are magic.

    Mitt is a sorcerer.

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