Here, via Operative/”Wonkette Guy” Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. “TICKETS, TICKETS” he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt, get your clothes back on! “FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, FEED MY SKULL FISH HEADS,” he then went on, before his handlers tackled him and dragged him back to the Lab for a fundraiser with other Ticket Robots.

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  • Barb

    The Mitt-Wit 2016 model.

  • CapnFatback

    Each ticket good for one ride atop the Romney family sedan in your very own dog crate.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Shoulda bought that insurance from Sam Waterston.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    He somehow seems more human.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I refuse to believe that this is the Mitt-bot, as this robot appears to have a personality.

  • chascates

    Wow, even the robots at CPAC look hokey. These people stopped thinking during the early 1960s.

    • chicken_thief

      Updated with the latest in Fortran programming!

    • flamingpdog

      It wipes its ass with punch cards.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, a case where someone should have sprung for the extended warranty.

  • nounverb911

    BTW, Mittens used a TELEPROMPTER at his speech.


    • BarackMyWorld

      He'll probably claim he'll never use them when he's president.

      And since he'll never be president, that promise will work out pretty well.

      • I though presidential teleprompters had been defunded. Because no one ever used one before Obama, you know.

  • littlebigdaddy

    But where do you stick your dick in it?

    • chicken_thief

      It's conservative, so in the ass, of course.

  • edgydrifter

    This is not the pleasure droid I've been looking for.

  • Wait! Isn't that the cage the dog was riding in????

  • Clearly, he's just looking for a yiff pile.

  • elburritodeluxe


    • IceCreamEmpress

      That conservabot's got a bit of a wide stance , y/y?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Oh so high-tech, like something the Japanese envisioned in 1952!

  • "TICKET MONSTER?" Mitt is the "Vote Monster," programmed to say/do anything to get votes.

  • mrpuma2u


  • elburritodeluxe

    If Obama is re-elected this will be your health care provider. Think about it, America!

    • flamingpdog

      I first read that as "the mental ones". But that would be the case if the Republicans get the Presidency.

  • MosesInvests


  • BlueStateLibel

    He's got all the dreamy good looks of a 1989 fax machine married with a 1993 word processor – swoooon.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Take me to your Palin".

  • orygoon

    It's 2012 and we have 1) fights over contraception and 2) a robot that's a "ticket monster".

    This is not the future I dreamed about when I was a ute.

    • Chichikovovich

      They said very clearly that we could expect flying cars. I feel cheated.

    • HistoriCat

      "when I was a ute"

      I knew Barb was going to try taking her uterus home. I never thought she would give it its own Intense Debate account!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Where's ED-209 when you need him?

    • It was a "glitch."

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Unfortunately it was programmed with a special fourth directive to keep it from harming anyone who is a member of Bain Capital.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Did he strip down like a tennis star because he won something? That as a trend in this primary is truly horrifying.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Its that four-armed, Hindu, goddess, Mitt – the slum-dog millionaire.

  • Radiotherapy

    Wonkbot-TSA 1138 would kick he/she/its ass.

  • Domo-arigato Mr Rom-boto

  • MissTaken

    I knew I feared Daleks for good reason.

    • savethispatient


    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Daleks have a murderous hatred of all other forms of life.

      Mitt-bot just has a murderous hatred of the poor and middle class.

    • fuflans

      i'm pretty sure republicans scare me more than villains who strongly resemble the trash cans at LAX.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Tell Mitt 9000 to open the pod bay doors. NO WAIT, DON'T OPEN THEM … MY GOD…IT"S FULL OF STARS..I mean shit…it's full of shit. Star shit. Whatever.

  • sezme

    Some would say that disrobing in public is impolite. However, in MItt's defence, magic underwear gets hella itchy.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Geeze — it's like Diebold isn't even pretending to count the actual votes anymore.

    • Rotundo_

      I think they're going by a new name now in the electronic voting division: Something like Electoral Solutions Inc. or something similar. I'm sure they have the same bag o' tricks and shennanigans available for the *right* candidate.

      • Ohio, I think you'll be most interested in our "ChadMangler3000."

  • BornInATrailer

    I don't understand.

    • Does not compute.

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys


      • Daisy, Daisy give me your answer, do.

  • MinAgain

    Danger, American citizenry! Danger!

  • JackObin

    I'll bet that robot enjoys a belt now and again, a big improvement over that mormon ding-a-ling.

  • C_R_Eature

    It was spinning around the lobby saying "Plook me now, You savage rascal! Your place or mine? Your place or mine? Your place or mine?"

  • flamingpdog

    Kind of appropriate you get your tickets from a Bender, given how much bending over is going on at CPAC this weekend.

  • MissTaken

    Not sure which is making me more nauseous: the ticket monster MittBot or the carpet.

  • Ohforcripessake

    Hey! I think Rick just came up with a way to end war. Whenever the men-folk start fighting just drop a bunch of womens on 'em and they'll get all tender and forget about the mission!!1!

    • Rotundo_

      And thus was the "hooker bomb conceived…

    • Or if our troops are anything like the attendees at CPAC, they might melt down faster over some studly man-flesh.

  • Listen, it's saying –

    "Let me be your leader.""

  • littlebigdaddy

    I knew Bender. Bender was a friend of mine. And you, Ticket Monster, are no Bender.

  • That's not really Mittens.

    It's just another cover over his Space Lizard People suit.


  • Does 'Tickets' = 'Cock' ?

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Darth Cheney's undisclosed location has now been disclosed.

    • Nah, that's just one of Darth Cheney's incompetent droids. I believe its name is "George".

  • Callyson

    This is not my beautiful wife!

  • GOPCrusher


  • Nostrildamus

    Bristol's new gig is a step up.

  • pinkocommi

    The difference between that robot and Mittens is that the robot is likeable.

    • BearNoLike

      Yeah any Zippo has more personality than Mittens. If he was a food, it would be paper-flavored Necco wafer.

      Ticket Monster, though, looks like s/he could party.

  • 40 or 50 % McShineys

    It's like Superman's "disguise" — just glasses. How did no one see through it?

    Stiff square robot / stiff square mormon. Same idea.

    • And the color of U.S. dollars. At least one Mormon's favorite.

  • "Fish, and plankton, and sea greens, and protein from the sea."

  • fuflans

    ok this is like the fourth time we've seen that carpet. vile.

    vile i tell you.

    who is in charge of these things in DC and why has barack obama let us down AGAIN???

  • BZ1

    Funnier than their comedian…

  • schvitzatura

    It was just some overheated college kid in that Ticket Monster/Ticketmaster costume, protecting you your right to scalp your highly-coveted CPAC event tickets.

    Think Mike Damone for losers.

  • schvitzatura

    Plex just faceplanted.

  • schvitzatura

    Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Any old iron? Expel your mecha. Purge yourselves of artificiality.

  • schvitzatura


  • ttommyunger

    Old fart in background overheard saying: "I can't help it, the thought of all those black asses sitting on the White House Porcelain is just driving me fucking nuts!"

  • elburritodeluxe

    Is this thing a protest? About Ticket Master or something? Don't they know that CPAC is only about protesting Islam, blacks and gays?

  • YouAre____

    There are three lights on in Mitt's robot skyscraper façade. Three is a magic number. Mormons are magic.

    Mitt is a sorcerer.

  • All in all, I prefer the models that look like Pris and Zhora, but I understand this is CPAC we're talking about.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hold onto your exploding heads, because this bit of absurdist theatre is put together by libertarians … who are upset at free-market ticket prices.
    You can't make this stuff up

  • elburritodeluxe

    I wouldn't fuck Ann Coulter with Ticket Monster's cock!

  • elburritodeluxe


  • musicmoney21

    Chris Holly plays Bob Marley for Mitt Romney–oh my

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