mormon porn

Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money

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Don't worry, he is only thinking of a Vanilla Steamer.Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has ever loved, in fact. This is why he will take piles of dirty porn money from the publisher of sexy 1970s magazine Penthouse. Which still exists?

Yes, it apparently exists … as part of the “Adult Friendfinder” business, which includes “Penthouse, AdultFriendFinder.com, Likemygayphoto.com [and] Bondage.com.” But don’t worry, the holding company is a “venture capital firm,” and that’s how you spell America, with the letters in “venture capital firm.” The Daily Beast posted this thing:

So far Mitt Romney has run a careful, disciplined campaign that has avoided the slightest whiff of impropriety. So why has the former Mormon bishop taken the maximum possible primary donation ($2,500) from Daniel Staton, the chairman of the board of the company that owns Penthouse? This raises embarrassing questions for the GOP frontrunner, who is already facing scrutiny from social conservatives for a number of reasons, not the least of which is his attenuated connection to the pornography industry through his tenure on the board of directors at Marriott, which has been the subject of scrutiny for making adult movies available on pay per view for hotel guests.

Now we will go look for Mitt’s profile on Adult Friendfinder, the end. [Daily Beast]

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Comments

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Bow-chicka-wow– whut?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not so much the chicka?

    • HarryButtle

      First response and you knock it out of the park. Hardly seems fair…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Pornographers are people too, my friend!

    • superdave

      Outstanding!

    • bagofmice

      Well how else do you make 'em?

  • nounverb911

    So Rmoney only has sex to conceive? Did he compare notes with Santorum?

    • Guppy

      Depends: did Romney get the missus knocked up in spite of warning about a future high-risk pregnancy?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      How anyone could have sex with either one of them is beyond me.

  • bureaucrap

    In-kind donations also gratefully accepted (particularly by the younger Romney sons).

  • nounverb911

    The "Birds and the Bees" conversations with Mitt's 47 kids must have been hilarious.

  • edgydrifter

    Mitt is very serious about flogging the bishop.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I thought he *bashed* the bishop.

      Perhaps Biff "Choking the Chicken" can tell us.

  • Lucidamente1

    Magic underwear, indeed.

  • emmelemm

    Likemygayphoto.com

    Um, what?

  • BloviateMe

    Mittens: the Bob Sagett of porn. I'm not certain what that means, but I'm standing behind the observation, just feels true.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know, I've never noticed it before, but there's a striking resemblance there to Hugh Hefner.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      !!!!!!!!

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      I always thought Hugh was the Mitt Romney of pornographers.

      • Guppy

        Bland and robotic?

        • horsedreamer_1

          Once a WASP…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Letterman suggested that the photo of Mitt doing laundry was him removing the cognac stains from his smoking jacket. But we KNOW Rmoney doesn't drink OR smoke, so it was just a Mormony joke.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Who do you think writes the Letters To Penthouse?

    And he kept telling us he was unemployed.

    • BloviateMe

      It bears repeating…a blow job IS technically a job.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I doubt Willard "Mittens" has EVAH unbuttoned his Garmies long enough to have one.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This clip probably gets Mittens all hawt
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sor9GzivGbk

  • BlueStateLibel

    Now seriously libruls, have you ever seen a Repub practice anything but "Do as I say, not as I do"? In fact, whenever they say, don't do ___, ____, ___, it's immoral, against God, etc. you can rest assured that they're doing it themselves or taking money from those who profit from it. Oh, and they all have a price, and it's usually laughingly low.

  • Local_Mojo

    "I'm from Adult Friendfinder and I'm here to help."

    • HistoriCat

      *zip*
      ♫♪ bom chika wow woowwwww ♫♪

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Did he tour France with that line?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well, I'm glad someone's looking far enough beyond Mittens' execrable stances on birth control, gay marriage, Iran, taxing the rich, the housing crisis, joblessness, corporate bailouts, and our crumbling infrastructure to be upset that he's taking money from people who promote prurient interests. Returning that money ought to set him right with about four or five people.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      This is Amurka, dood/ine. Nobody gives a shit that he's been swindling the taxpayer blind and fucking the worker over. But SEX SCANDAL? OOOH, WEE!

  • chicken_thief

    It's been a long time since I've even bothered to look at Penthouse, but it is porn?! Gimme a fucking break. "Women and their Dogs – Something Different" is porn. Penthouse as I remember it just had those shot-through-a-film-of-Vaseline nakey pics.

    Edit: Oh, yes! And those "I never thought this would happen to me…" stories. Literary classics!

  • widestanceshakedown

    You think Newt and Sir Frothalot will use this to spectacular effect?

  • BornInATrailer

    Submissives are people too, my friend.

    • Guppy

      No they're not, that's the whole point!

      Guh, can't this guy get anything right?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not according to the doms. Come to think of it, not according to the subs either.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Bearded clams are people too my friend.

    • bagofmice

      Ah, a professional.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Maybe Mitt will get a job at AdultPresidentFinder.com when this is all over.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Sex is for those filthy Europeans – not for upstanding Americans!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      *Especially* not upstanding Americans — that could lead to dancing!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Sure, you can spell America with "venture capital firm," but science tells us you can also spell "A Creative Mit Rump."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Mitt would take money from moon Nazis if they offered it to him.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Moon Nazis are the worst.

      • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        I, for one, (you know the rest, doncha?)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          … care less for them?

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Not going there — I can't bring myself to use the words welcome and Nazi in the same sentence.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Hey, say what you like about the tenets of Lunar Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

      • bagofmice

        True. A nihilist would have missed.

  • Chichikovovich

    They still publish Penthouse? I thought it had gone the way of True Detective and Army Laffs.

  • MiniMencken

    I bet Mittens would make his Penthouse Pet ride on top of the car.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'll have you know they like it on top.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I believe it is the custom among his people to always make the *oldest* wife ride on top. Of the car, that is.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Romney is not the only candidate with unsavory ties though. Michael Irvin, the NFL Hall of Famer whose scandalous background includes allegations of drug possession, stabbing a teammate, and patronizing prostitutes, apparently was recruited to encourage a South Carolina congressman to endorse Rick Santorum.

    Because motherfucking family values, motherfucker.

  • chicken_thief

    Simmer down, folks. It's not like Mr Staton is going to buy a lot of influence for $2500. Mitt loses 4 times that on stupid bets with the geyh Governor of Tex-ass.

  • MissTaken

    So Penthouse gave to Romney. Yet another reason why I prefer Larry Flynt.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      So, you like your porn dirty, but not "dirty."

  • Callyson

    “I like being able to fuck, er, make that fire people.”

  • pinkocommi

    First they came for the gays wanting to get married, but I am not gay.

    Then they came for the contraceptives, but I don't use contraceptives.

    Then they came for adult movies available on pay per view in the privacy of my room at Marriott, and I'm like – what the fuck? Don't you have anything else in your life to worry about? Maybe you should be having MORE sex so that you have less time to spend worrying about what other people do.

    Losers.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    This is good news for Rick Santorum! I think.

  • http://lovematters-manabouttown.blogspot.com/ UnionAgitator

    The Dail Beast sez:

    " it doesn’t hurt for a company that produces movies about “bisexual female fuck-buddies” to be bipartisan. "

    I didn't know NEWSWEEK was so potty-mouthed.

    Learning is an exciting adventure.

  • sezme

    Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money
    /fixed

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Compared to Bain Capital, Penthouse isn't that indecent.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Compared to Bain Capital, garter snake fuck balls ain't that indecent.

  • MinAgain

    Why not? The modern Republican Party is an obscenity, by any definition.

    • emmelemm

      We certainly know it when we see it.

      ETA: That the Republican party falls under the definition of obscene, that is…

  • lochnessmonster

    Giants corps holding hands….Er let's hope that is all they are holding…

  • Radiotherapy

    A Million Mormon Milfs = Profit.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Penthouse is sponsoring the Million Mormon MILF March? Will they be wearing Victoria's Secret magic bloomers?

    • HarryButtle

      A million Mormon MILFs? Are they all married to the same guy?

    • bagofmice

      My gods. The tension they would have built up could power California for weeks.

  • iburl

    Mint Rmoney thought Penthouse magazine was about top-floor apartments for lower-middle class billionaires.

  • ttommyunger

    "I'll bet you $10,000 I can flip you and dick you before you can throw me and blow me!" And remember, Pilgrims: prostitution is illegal in most jurisdictions, but porn is OK, so when you hire a hooker, be sure to set up a camera…Fixed!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Dear Mitt Romney,

    I never thought I'd find myself writing to a politician, but the most incredible thing happened…

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    This is no problem. Politicians frequently take money and phone calls from interests they do not personally support, care about or associate with, like pornographers and poor people.

  • Flitzy

    It makes sense considering Mitt Romney is about as real as Penthouse Forum letters.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    In Marriott's defense, people only watch the PPV Pron for five minutes.

  • Beowoof

    Once again Mitt is relying on his Utah base, as Utah is the largest consumer of porn in the US. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705288350/Utah

    • Loaded_Pants

      Brigham Young approves.

  • gizdal

    everybody loves money, so what is the big deal? it's the one thing all religious groups have in common- they all worship the same god: MAMMON.
    think Marx- Die Welt ist Gelt!

    get with it mortals, we all love loads of cash….

  • Wilcoxyz

    I heard he strapped a Penthouse pet to the top of his station wagon and drove her to Canada. Where birth control is still legal.