Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money

  mormon porn

Don't worry, he is only thinking of a Vanilla Steamer.Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has ever loved, in fact. This is why he will take piles of dirty porn money from the publisher of sexy 1970s magazine Penthouse. Which still exists?

Yes, it apparently exists … as part of the “Adult Friendfinder” business, which includes “Penthouse, AdultFriendFinder.com, Likemygayphoto.com [and] Bondage.com.” But don’t worry, the holding company is a “venture capital firm,” and that’s how you spell America, with the letters in “venture capital firm.” The Daily Beast posted this thing:

So far Mitt Romney has run a careful, disciplined campaign that has avoided the slightest whiff of impropriety. So why has the former Mormon bishop taken the maximum possible primary donation ($2,500) from Daniel Staton, the chairman of the board of the company that owns Penthouse? This raises embarrassing questions for the GOP frontrunner, who is already facing scrutiny from social conservatives for a number of reasons, not the least of which is his attenuated connection to the pornography industry through his tenure on the board of directors at Marriott, which has been the subject of scrutiny for making adult movies available on pay per view for hotel guests.

Now we will go look for Mitt’s profile on Adult Friendfinder, the end. [Daily Beast]

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82 comments

  1. BloviateMe

    Mittens: the Bob Sagett of porn. I'm not certain what that means, but I'm standing behind the observation, just feels true.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    You know, I've never noticed it before, but there's a striking resemblance there to Hugh Hefner.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Letterman suggested that the photo of Mitt doing laundry was him removing the cognac stains from his smoking jacket. But we KNOW Rmoney doesn't drink OR smoke, so it was just a Mormony joke.

  3. BlueStateLibel

    Now seriously libruls, have you ever seen a Repub practice anything but "Do as I say, not as I do"? In fact, whenever they say, don't do ___, ____, ___, it's immoral, against God, etc. you can rest assured that they're doing it themselves or taking money from those who profit from it. Oh, and they all have a price, and it's usually laughingly low.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Well, I'm glad someone's looking far enough beyond Mittens' execrable stances on birth control, gay marriage, Iran, taxing the rich, the housing crisis, joblessness, corporate bailouts, and our crumbling infrastructure to be upset that he's taking money from people who promote prurient interests. Returning that money ought to set him right with about four or five people.

    1. MittBorg

      This is Amurka, dood/ine. Nobody gives a shit that he's been swindling the taxpayer blind and fucking the worker over. But SEX SCANDAL? OOOH, WEE!

  5. chicken_thief

    It's been a long time since I've even bothered to look at Penthouse, but it is porn?! Gimme a fucking break. "Women and their Dogs – Something Different" is porn. Penthouse as I remember it just had those shot-through-a-film-of-Vaseline nakey pics.

    Edit: Oh, yes! And those "I never thought this would happen to me…" stories. Literary classics!

  6. ChernobylSoup

    Sure, you can spell America with "venture capital firm," but science tells us you can also spell "A Creative Mit Rump."

  7. elviouslyqueer

    Romney is not the only candidate with unsavory ties though. Michael Irvin, the NFL Hall of Famer whose scandalous background includes allegations of drug possession, stabbing a teammate, and patronizing prostitutes, apparently was recruited to encourage a South Carolina congressman to endorse Rick Santorum.

    Because motherfucking family values, motherfucker.

  8. chicken_thief

    Simmer down, folks. It's not like Mr Staton is going to buy a lot of influence for $2500. Mitt loses 4 times that on stupid bets with the geyh Governor of Tex-ass.

  9. pinkocommi

    First they came for the gays wanting to get married, but I am not gay.

    Then they came for the contraceptives, but I don't use contraceptives.

    Then they came for adult movies available on pay per view in the privacy of my room at Marriott, and I'm like – what the fuck? Don't you have anything else in your life to worry about? Maybe you should be having MORE sex so that you have less time to spend worrying about what other people do.

    Losers.

  10. UnionAgitator

    The Dail Beast sez:

    " it doesn’t hurt for a company that produces movies about “bisexual female fuck-buddies” to be bipartisan. "

    I didn't know NEWSWEEK was so potty-mouthed.

    Learning is an exciting adventure.

    1. emmelemm

      We certainly know it when we see it.

      ETA: That the Republican party falls under the definition of obscene, that is…

  11. iburl

    Mint Rmoney thought Penthouse magazine was about top-floor apartments for lower-middle class billionaires.

  12. ttommyunger

    "I'll bet you $10,000 I can flip you and dick you before you can throw me and blow me!" And remember, Pilgrims: prostitution is illegal in most jurisdictions, but porn is OK, so when you hire a hooker, be sure to set up a camera…Fixed!

  13. Dashboard Buddha

    Dear Mitt Romney,

    I never thought I'd find myself writing to a politician, but the most incredible thing happened…

  14. slowhansolo

    This is no problem. Politicians frequently take money and phone calls from interests they do not personally support, care about or associate with, like pornographers and poor people.

  15. gizdal

    everybody loves money, so what is the big deal? it's the one thing all religious groups have in common- they all worship the same god: MAMMON.
    think Marx- Die Welt ist Gelt!

    get with it mortals, we all love loads of cash….

  16. Wilcoxyz

    I heard he strapped a Penthouse pet to the top of his station wagon and drove her to Canada. Where birth control is still legal.

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