MORMON PORN  3:33 pm February 10, 2012

Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money

by Wonkette Jr.

Don't worry, he is only thinking of a Vanilla Steamer.Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has ever loved, in fact. This is why he will take piles of dirty porn money from the publisher of sexy 1970s magazine Penthouse. Which still exists?

Yes, it apparently exists … as part of the “Adult Friendfinder” business, which includes “Penthouse, AdultFriendFinder.com, Likemygayphoto.com [and] Bondage.com.” But don’t worry, the holding company is a “venture capital firm,” and that’s how you spell America, with the letters in “venture capital firm.” The Daily Beast posted this thing:

So far Mitt Romney has run a careful, disciplined campaign that has avoided the slightest whiff of impropriety. So why has the former Mormon bishop taken the maximum possible primary donation ($2,500) from Daniel Staton, the chairman of the board of the company that owns Penthouse? This raises embarrassing questions for the GOP frontrunner, who is already facing scrutiny from social conservatives for a number of reasons, not the least of which is his attenuated connection to the pornography industry through his tenure on the board of directors at Marriott, which has been the subject of scrutiny for making adult movies available on pay per view for hotel guests.

Now we will go look for Mitt’s profile on Adult Friendfinder, the end. [Daily Beast]

 
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{ 82 comments }

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Bow-chicka-wow– whut?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Not so much the chicka?

HarryButtle February 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

First response and you knock it out of the park. Hardly seems fair…

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Pornographers are people too, my friend!

superdave February 11, 2012 at 10:35 am

Outstanding!

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 8:33 am

Well how else do you make 'em?

nounverb911 February 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

So Rmoney only has sex to conceive? Did he compare notes with Santorum?

Guppy February 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Depends: did Romney get the missus knocked up in spite of warning about a future high-risk pregnancy?

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 9:26 pm

How anyone could have sex with either one of them is beyond me.

bureaucrap February 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

In-kind donations also gratefully accepted (particularly by the younger Romney sons).

nounverb911 February 10, 2012 at 3:40 pm

The "Birds and the Bees" conversations with Mitt's 47 kids must have been hilarious.

edgydrifter February 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Mitt is very serious about flogging the bishop.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I thought he *bashed* the bishop.

Perhaps Biff "Choking the Chicken" can tell us.

Lucidamente1 February 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Magic underwear, indeed.

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Likemygayphoto.com

Um, what?

BloviateMe February 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Mittens: the Bob Sagett of porn. I'm not certain what that means, but I'm standing behind the observation, just feels true.

BaldarTFlagass February 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

You know, I've never noticed it before, but there's a striking resemblance there to Hugh Hefner.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

!!!!!!!!

ManchuCandidate February 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I always thought Hugh was the Mitt Romney of pornographers.

Guppy February 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Bland and robotic?

horsedreamer_1 February 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Once a WASP…

Jukesgrrl February 11, 2012 at 4:07 am

Letterman suggested that the photo of Mitt doing laundry was him removing the cognac stains from his smoking jacket. But we KNOW Rmoney doesn't drink OR smoke, so it was just a Mormony joke.

ManchuCandidate February 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Who do you think writes the Letters To Penthouse?

And he kept telling us he was unemployed.

BloviateMe February 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It bears repeating…a blow job IS technically a job.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I doubt Willard "Mittens" has EVAH unbuttoned his Garmies long enough to have one.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 10, 2012 at 3:48 pm

This clip probably gets Mittens all hawt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sor9GzivGbk

BlueStateLibel February 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Now seriously libruls, have you ever seen a Repub practice anything but "Do as I say, not as I do"? In fact, whenever they say, don't do ___, ____, ___, it's immoral, against God, etc. you can rest assured that they're doing it themselves or taking money from those who profit from it. Oh, and they all have a price, and it's usually laughingly low.

Local_Mojo February 10, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"I'm from Adult Friendfinder and I'm here to help."

HistoriCat February 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

*zip*
♫♪ bom chika wow woowwwww ♫♪

Jukesgrrl February 11, 2012 at 4:08 am

Did he tour France with that line?

SayItWithWookies February 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Well, I'm glad someone's looking far enough beyond Mittens' execrable stances on birth control, gay marriage, Iran, taxing the rich, the housing crisis, joblessness, corporate bailouts, and our crumbling infrastructure to be upset that he's taking money from people who promote prurient interests. Returning that money ought to set him right with about four or five people.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:09 pm

This is Amurka, dood/ine. Nobody gives a shit that he's been swindling the taxpayer blind and fucking the worker over. But SEX SCANDAL? OOOH, WEE!

chicken_thief February 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

It's been a long time since I've even bothered to look at Penthouse, but it is porn?! Gimme a fucking break. "Women and their Dogs – Something Different" is porn. Penthouse as I remember it just had those shot-through-a-film-of-Vaseline nakey pics.

Edit: Oh, yes! And those "I never thought this would happen to me…" stories. Literary classics!

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You think Newt and Sir Frothalot will use this to spectacular effect?

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Submissives are people too, my friend.

Guppy February 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

No they're not, that's the whole point!

Guh, can't this guy get anything right?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Not according to the doms. Come to think of it, not according to the subs either.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Bearded clams are people too my friend.

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 8:38 am

Ah, a professional.

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Maybe Mitt will get a job at AdultPresidentFinder.com when this is all over.

johnnyzhivago February 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Sex is for those filthy Europeans – not for upstanding Americans!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

*Especially* not upstanding Americans — that could lead to dancing!

ChernobylSoup February 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Sure, you can spell America with "venture capital firm," but science tells us you can also spell "A Creative Mit Rump."

johnnyzhivago February 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Mitt would take money from moon Nazis if they offered it to him.

ChernobylSoup February 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Moon Nazis are the worst.

FlownOver February 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I, for one, (you know the rest, doncha?)

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

… care less for them?

Jukesgrrl February 11, 2012 at 4:11 am

Not going there — I can't bring myself to use the words welcome and Nazi in the same sentence.

Dashboard Buddha February 11, 2012 at 9:24 am

Hey, say what you like about the tenets of Lunar Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 8:40 am

True. A nihilist would have missed.

Chichikovovich February 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm

They still publish Penthouse? I thought it had gone the way of True Detective and Army Laffs.

MiniMencken February 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I bet Mittens would make his Penthouse Pet ride on top of the car.

horsedreamer_1 February 10, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I'll have you know they like it on top.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I believe it is the custom among his people to always make the *oldest* wife ride on top. Of the car, that is.

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Romney is not the only candidate with unsavory ties though. Michael Irvin, the NFL Hall of Famer whose scandalous background includes allegations of drug possession, stabbing a teammate, and patronizing prostitutes, apparently was recruited to encourage a South Carolina congressman to endorse Rick Santorum.

Because motherfucking family values, motherfucker.

chicken_thief February 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Simmer down, folks. It's not like Mr Staton is going to buy a lot of influence for $2500. Mitt loses 4 times that on stupid bets with the geyh Governor of Tex-ass.

MissTaken February 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So Penthouse gave to Romney. Yet another reason why I prefer Larry Flynt.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 5:47 pm

So, you like your porn dirty, but not "dirty."

Callyson February 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

“I like being able to fuck, er, make that fire people.”

pinkocommi February 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

First they came for the gays wanting to get married, but I am not gay.

Then they came for the contraceptives, but I don't use contraceptives.

Then they came for adult movies available on pay per view in the privacy of my room at Marriott, and I'm like – what the fuck? Don't you have anything else in your life to worry about? Maybe you should be having MORE sex so that you have less time to spend worrying about what other people do.

Losers.

KeepFnThatChicken February 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

This is good news for Rick Santorum! I think.

UnionAgitator February 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The Dail Beast sez:

" it doesn’t hurt for a company that produces movies about “bisexual female fuck-buddies” to be bipartisan. "

I didn't know NEWSWEEK was so potty-mouthed.

Learning is an exciting adventure.

sezme February 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money
/fixed

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Compared to Bain Capital, Penthouse isn't that indecent.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Compared to Bain Capital, garter snake fuck balls ain't that indecent.

MinAgain February 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Why not? The modern Republican Party is an obscenity, by any definition.

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

We certainly know it when we see it.

ETA: That the Republican party falls under the definition of obscene, that is…

lochnessmonster February 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Giants corps holding hands….Er let's hope that is all they are holding…

Radiotherapy February 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm

A Million Mormon Milfs = Profit.

weej_bain February 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Penthouse is sponsoring the Million Mormon MILF March? Will they be wearing Victoria's Secret magic bloomers?

HarryButtle February 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

A million Mormon MILFs? Are they all married to the same guy?

bagofmice February 13, 2012 at 8:45 am

My gods. The tension they would have built up could power California for weeks.

iburl February 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Mint Rmoney thought Penthouse magazine was about top-floor apartments for lower-middle class billionaires.

ttommyunger February 11, 2012 at 7:17 am

"I'll bet you $10,000 I can flip you and dick you before you can throw me and blow me!" And remember, Pilgrims: prostitution is illegal in most jurisdictions, but porn is OK, so when you hire a hooker, be sure to set up a camera…Fixed!

Dashboard Buddha February 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

Dear Mitt Romney,

I never thought I'd find myself writing to a politician, but the most incredible thing happened…

slowhansolo February 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

This is no problem. Politicians frequently take money and phone calls from interests they do not personally support, care about or associate with, like pornographers and poor people.

Flitzy February 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

It makes sense considering Mitt Romney is about as real as Penthouse Forum letters.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

In Marriott's defense, people only watch the PPV Pron for five minutes.

Beowoof February 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Once again Mitt is relying on his Utah base, as Utah is the largest consumer of porn in the US. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705288350/Utah

Loaded_Pants February 11, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Brigham Young approves.

gizdal February 13, 2012 at 5:09 am

everybody loves money, so what is the big deal? it's the one thing all religious groups have in common- they all worship the same god: MAMMON.
think Marx- Die Welt ist Gelt!

get with it mortals, we all love loads of cash….

Wilcoxyz February 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I heard he strapped a Penthouse pet to the top of his station wagon and drove her to Canada. Where birth control is still legal.

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