M4M  1:23 pm February 10, 2012

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

by Wonkette Jr.

Marco Rubio?Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right guy,” etc. Republican homosexuals are so predictable!

The new twist in the “iPad era” or whatever is that there is now a special app for hunting free and easy GOP sodomy. It is called “Grindr,” because all Internet things must be spelled or at least capitalized in a dumb way, for Technology. And with this amazing social network sexytime GPS magick, you can be enjoying homosexual penetration within minutes of hearing Rick Santorum lisping about his lifelong dedication to thinking about gay men having nasty, dirty, unholy, hot pulsing homosexual intercourse.

Here’s Dan Choi and Dan Savage cruising Grindr for laffs at CPAC:

In the picture at the top of this page, which we just grabbed off Craigslist DC from a long list of M4M CPAC ads, a very fit 26-year-old Latino man would like to have some sexytime with other handsome self-hating Republican gays. Is he with Marco Rubio’s staff, or whatever, ha ha?

This next sexy patriot is a self-described twink who includes a patriotic American flag at the bottom of his post. That’s not what we want to see when we’re clicking M4M ads that have images, come on!

Don't use Our Flag to wipe off the Santorum!
And here’s a collection of 10 craigslist posts from dudez seeking dudez at CPAC. Be discreet! No fatties!

The mere presence of muckraker Dan Savage should be enough to scare the erections away from all these CPAC self-loathing closeted queers, right? Well, not exactly! Remember that eventually being caught and humiliated into accepting your orientation is kind of the normal thing for the Republican homosexual. [HyperVocal]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 277 comments }

nounverb911 February 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I see Lindsey and Marcus made it to CPAC.

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Oh please, Marco Rubio, you aren't fooling anyone by pretending you're 26.

LabRodent February 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Thought he would be alot taller, Marcos post is just false advertisement and he should be ashame.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Great minds think alike! I was just thinkin' to myself, bet whoever answered that ad was SURprised! Looks like Marco's looking for a facial. Sigh.

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

SHRINKAGE LIBEL!

lulzmonger February 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

He can pass for 30 by torchlight.

Ducksworthy February 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The CPACers self loathing is pretty much all encompassing but they clearly are highly aroused by the lisping of the Santorum.

nounverb911 February 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Where's Coulter?

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

It's her day to massage Rush's back with her Adam's apple.

slowhansolo February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Just… ick.

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Hell, I didn't get a chance to talk about her famous Swallowing Maneuver.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

We have a winner.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You … you … (collapses into stuttering, hiccuping pile)

GOPCrusher February 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Ever notice that lunch never tastes as good coming back up as it did going down?

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I live in the same world as Mittens, Newt, Ann, Nancy, etc…etc…etc, motherfucking etc.

This is why I'm considering a liquid diet.

KeepFnThatChicken February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

…thought I saw him over Choi's shoulder on that Grindr page.

Beowoof February 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Did anyone check the tranny ads. Maybe ChickswithDicks.com

ElPinche February 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I imagine Coulter smelling like feet and rancid breath.

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

And desperation.

HalluxValgus February 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

and no contraception necessary! You win, Republican gays!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Now you know why they oppose contraception. NOBODY ever got pregnant from gay sex.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Dan White: "Can two men reproduce?"
Harvey Milk: "No, but God knows we keep trying."

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Practice makes perfect, yaknow! (Dies laughing)

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"I am not out or looking to come out…"

because I'm a greedy republican fuck and look forward to shitting on the gay community for my own personal gain.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Well … yeah.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Honey, speaking as a twink myself, I can guaran-fucking-tee you are not as straight-acting as you think.

ShaveTheWhales February 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

But he is "discrete", which is good, because continuous people can't fit in the elevator.

IceCreamEmpress February 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

That's a violation of the ADA (Amoeba Discretion Act) if they can't.

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I saw what you did there.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Not even if he's asymptotic?

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Hahahaha. All my gay friends think they're pretty butch. Then they shriek like a 14-year-old girl whenever they see something that particularly excites or annoys them. And get all flouncy-bouncy.

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It's sort of an understood rule with us gheyz that publicly butch = privately total bottom.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

"Butch on the streets, bitch in the sheets," and God Almighty do I love 'em for it.

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Well, now. I guess if I ever decide to go ghey, I'll know what to expect from (redacted), (redacted), (redacted), and (redacted).

GOPCrusher February 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Who said that reading Wonkete isn't educational?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

It's the motto of the whole fuckin' tribe.

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

When I think back to my tender years, I always thought I was the butchest thing at the club. I still have pics from that time that show otherwise.

Harry_S_Truman February 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Oh, please let Santorum call this guy. (You just know he wants to.)

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

And after an hour of abasing himself at "this guy" (read: Marco Rubio)'s feet and being trod on by Rubio's size 13 EEEs, Santorum will crawl into church and collapse sobbing at the altar in a pool of flopsweat, snot, and tears. And hypocrisy. LOTS of hypocrisy.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I'm sure Santorum will be involved.

jus_wonderin February 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I am thinking that second ad is bogus. Looking for "frat guy or older daddy". I don't think I have seen a 20 year old that would pick from both categories. I am a real 53 yro daddy? Does "daddy" mean something other than "older"?

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It means you're an older man who looks more masculine, with the implication that you're also more dominant in the sack.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:19 pm

And richer, also too.

ShaveTheWhales February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Possibly $ugar Daddy?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Not so much. The "twink" in question is probably a highly paid Republicorporate whore already, or he wouldn't even be at CPAC. He's looking for a top who is *somewhat* older, probably because he's a teabaggin' bottom. AFAIK, that ad is just BEGGING for me to bring my whips and paddles to this scene.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

To be honest, when I read that ad my bullshit alarms went wild. He states two different ages, and then admits to being tall and muscly but still calls himself a twink. Something tells me our friend here is actually 5'3/350 with a knee injury from his last tour in 'Nam.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I'm SO tempted to answer that ad. Help me, Fare! Help me resist!

Nip clips, whips, velvet leopard-print cuffs, ball gag — STOP ME BEFORE I BEAT HIS ASS!

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Sub-text is everything.

ColonelDoctor February 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Exactly.

Sheesko February 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Think "Sugar Daddy."

freakishlywrong February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Either "older" or "sweater vest".

GOPCrusher February 10, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Jim Tressel?

Negropolis February 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Ewwwww.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

"Top."

PubOption February 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

"You might think that, but I couldn't possibly say."

Lucidamente1 February 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

You'll be seeing a lot of Santorum at this year's CPAC.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

In all fairness, Ricky did say he would get it on the lips of every Young Republican.

NorthStarSpanx February 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

See what the new meaning of Woodley (Park) is too?

bagofmice February 11, 2012 at 6:42 am

Butterstick is the lube?

YasserArraFeck February 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Don't slip in it

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

And stepping in it.

PeaceWithHonor February 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Imagine the market for a Muslim, Latino, top.

Schmannnity February 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Logcabin lovin

LabRodent February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Most republicans like their Gay sex "with strings attached"

snackypants February 10, 2012 at 9:15 pm

They like having sex with string puppets? That's a new kink even by my standards.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Wow, a 26 year old gay Latino at CPAC. So rare. So desirable. You know he will have people lined up outside his hotel room.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

The correct term is "exotic."

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I'm thinking "professional." All you big sweaty older 'daddy' types don't think you're gonna get this for free, do you?

vtxmcrider February 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Think "Chris Christie."

Veritas78 February 10, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Extra baggage charges may apply.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Well, at least this Latino doesn't have a job where he sweats his ass off, squatting all day grabbing cucumbers.

Oh, wait..

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Ha!

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Only if he's a top.

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I know more than one hot young man who would accept service from CPAC all night and as long as no santorum was created, they'd still consider themselves straight.

Like the self-loathing stud who beat my friend to a pulp after he had received his reward for cruising a gay trysting place. When my pal was smart enough to track him down and turn him over to the police, he brought his mama to court to claim he was home with her all night AND his fiancee who swore up and down that he would NEVER have anything to do with those gheyz.

That guy's probably an organizer for Rick Santorum today.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:51 pm

You gotta wonder what those women are doing, yaknow? Don't they get that their son/lover is a homophobic closet case who is eventually going to *kill* someone because he just can't accept himself? Parents of gay kids everywhere have to die inside when they read shit like this. What kind of woman would cover up for a "boyfriend" who would go get his cock sucked and then beat the shit out of the person who sucked it?

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

For most of them it really would be getting a little bit of "strange".

SayItWithWookies February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

No wonder conservatives are so uncompromising when it comes to policy — they compromise their professed morals so often that they just don't have any more of it left in 'em.

ShaveTheWhales February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Yay!! Finally, an ass-fucking post.

UnholyMoses February 10, 2012 at 2:04 pm

It's just like Ye Olden Tymes!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Newel is really back. It is not just a dream.

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Aren't about half of them ass-fucking posts?

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

The men's room toilet stalls must be the most happening place at CPAC.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

They ALL favour a wide stance, hon.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Given their average size, I don't think there is any other way.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Boyfriend up there has a nice trim body.

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Needs more fur. But that's just me.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

First: Never believe a photo offering sex on the internets.

Second: If he actually looks that good, he is charging.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Between the santorum stains and the high-fructose-cornfeds' no doubt Leviathan shits, I don't envy that janitor one bit.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Luckily, the new janitor is only 7 and does not understand fully what he is cleaning up, just that it smells like ewwww.

Dashboard Buddha February 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I hear the muzak there is toe-tapping good.

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

From T-Baggin' to Tea Party…

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Old glory holes abound

GhostBuggy February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Which of those postings do you suppose is one of the Doocy boys?

freakishlywrong February 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Sigh.. All of 'em, Ghost.

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

No wonder Lindsey is behind Romney all the way.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

That boy would look SO good on his knees. Sigh.

vtxmcrider February 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm

He would also look good with his feet firmly planted on the ceiling. And, in case you didn't know, magic underwear protects against Santorum stains. That is the whole point.

freakishlywrong February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

It looks like those conservative dating tips did the trick!

SoBeach February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I'm imagining a whole bunch of women standing around the conservative dating booth, wondering why all the cute, well-dressed guys are off talking to each other instead of them. They must be shy or something.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Later on, the "boys" will propose to one or another of the Female Behemoth crowd, just like Attorney General (prefers to call himself General) Troy King of Alabama. His poor wife was heartbroken to discover him in the marital bed with his "aide." I coulda told her, if she'd listened. Their marriage has "BEARD" written all over it.

UW8316154 February 10, 2012 at 2:50 pm

So much lingo, and I'm not one of the "cool kids", so of course I don't get it. BEARD?

HistoriCat February 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I'm not 100% certain but I think beard is the spouse a gay person marries so that they can say "I'm not gay! I'm happily married!"

vtxmcrider February 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

"The wife is his beard." = "The wife is his disguise."

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Back in the days when being gay was a crime that would result in losing your home, job, family, friends, income, and, pretty much everything, including your freedom, many gay men would marry a wife because, of course, a wife and an apparently heterosexual marriage are "proof" of a sort against rumours of a "deviant" lifestyle. This is still the case in most of Asia and Africa. If a person is discovered by their family to be gay, the "cure" is to get them married. This serves as a cover, or "beard," if you will. A disguise. Julia Child is probably one of the most famous "beards" I can think of. Other than General Troy King's wife, of course.

slowhansolo February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Let the twee market rule!

GhostBuggy February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Or the tween market, for any Catholic CPAC attendees.

Texan_Bulldog February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

That Latino is 5'4" and 130 lbs? All I can say is hope he's on top.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

He's a bottom, honey. A RAVING, PLEADING, CRYING, TEARY little bottom. And that's the way he likes it.

How self-loathing do you have to be to be a gay LATINO, fer chrisake, and a Republican?

ColonelDoctor February 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

No shit.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Perhaps he's a librul who just likes republican cock.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Nah, as someone else pointed out, either he's lying or charging.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I know. What was I thinking?

GregComlish February 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

When Santorum's daughter said lots of her gay friends support her father's candidacy, this is apparently what she meant.

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:21 pm

You mean her one gay friend who happens to be a Latino posting on craigslist for hookups?

MissNancyPriss February 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm

did she really say that?

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I don't believe it either.

GregComlish February 11, 2012 at 9:42 am

'It's a policy thing,' [Elizabeth Santorum] said of gay marriage… Opposed to same-sex marriage herself, Elizabeth said she has gay friends who support her father's candidacy based on his economic and family platforms.

Callyson February 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I know what you did last CPAC conference…

hagajim February 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Creating Santorum within minutes of hearing Santorum…now that is some serious Freedumb!

freakishlywrong February 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I need a shower. Really, CPAC has left me soiled.

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

If you are a Wankerette your stains have been permanent for years.

johnnymeatworth February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

So THAT'S where George Rekers has been….

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I am very discrete, and not out, or looking to come out, very straight acting, and not looking for anything other than a top frat guy or older daddy.

Your move, Eric Cantor.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Savage and Santorum are in the same place at the same time?

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Sounds like the greatest Odd Couple spin-off ever.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I can't stop LOLing.

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Shit, meet fan.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Well, I suppose Savage and lower case santorum have been in the same place before. . .

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Be funny if they met FTF in a hall or something. Savage introduces himself politely and extends a hand; macho Santorum takes a swing at him (and misses), manages to fall down in the process, Savage tries to help him up, Santorum sobbing, "Just go away, go away! Haven't you humiliated me enough?!"

God, I'd pay to watch that.

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'd pay BIG MONEY to see that.

Nothingisamiss February 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Hey! I think we just figured out a way for Newtie to make some money!

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Unfortunately, I don't think Newt would come near enough to Santorum or Dan Savage, or have any influence over either of them, to put this in motion. No Ameros for him!!

Joshua Norton February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

If I was one of those guys, I'd be reeeeally nervous dealing with a bunch of fanatical religious time-bombs full of jizz.

You could put an eye out.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

In all my years of enjoying bukkake porn, I never heard of anyone losing an eye that way.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I went deaf for a week after it got in my ears, but it was worth it.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Sex-related injuries (especially if the sex was REALLY good) are the *only* injuries I've never heard anyone complain about.

Chillwillard February 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Lindsey is not falling for that one again…

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

A 5'4" 130 lb latino? I'm amazed he hasn't been gangbanged in Limbaugh's limo by now.

Chillwillard February 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Now wonder why he wanted to move to Costa Rica.

Baconzgood February 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

NEEDZ MOAR COCK SHOTS!!!!

Nopantsmcgee February 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Conservative guys are pretty good lays. But, you usually have to keep the lights off .

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Alec Mapa had a great bit about dating a closeted gay:

"He'd kneel, he'd pray, and then he'd kneel again."

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Only if they're bottoming.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Z, you are distressingly knowledgable about this. Come on, I'll fix you up with a nice elitist liberal boy.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Oh, hon, that would be wonderful, except my dance card is already way full! TWO partners is plenty, I don't think I can even afford a one-night stand at this point.

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Yea all those beautiful Demofarts like Bawny Fwank, Barabara Mikulski, Debbie Washrag Schultz, Waxman, Schumer, Weiner etc make Palin, Thune, Flake, Rand Paul, Romney etc look so ugly.

Won't Obamacare pay for you cataract surgery yet you poor bitch?

Nopantsmcgee February 13, 2012 at 11:13 am

What the hell is Bruce trying to communicate?

Anyone know?

SoBeach February 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Gaydar? There's an app for that…

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

The CPAC GayDar exploded.

prommie February 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

A "top frat guy?" Does that mean LNS?

fitley February 10, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Just substitute gay for frat. If they say "Hi five me bro" that means fisting.
Also "Push Poll" might not mean what you think it means.

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Harvard or maybe Yale…

Toomush_Infer February 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

CPAC – Cunts Play Acting for Congress

hagajim February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Someone check the bathroom for wide-stance Larry…he might just be waiting for a young clean "discreet" stud….tap, tap, tap….

EatsBabyDingos February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"Not looking for anything other than a top frat guy," said the guy who wanted to be the frat guy on the bottom, Rick Perry, from Tappa Luba Schmear.

Chillwillard February 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Doesn't CPAC stand for "Conservatives Pursuing Another Cock"?

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"Please post the subject in the email as the winner of last years straw poll."

"Straw poll?" Is that what the youngs are calling a dick size contest?

UW8316154 February 10, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Yeah, what is THAT requirement all about? Some sort of code?

HistoriCat February 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I was guessing it was a way of showing your bona fides. Guess they've never heard of Google.

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

The coded subject line may be required because they're using their work emails. All the CraigsList postings seem to ask for it.

Maybe they are afraid somebody half in the bag (looking like Andrew BiteBart or Off-the-Mark Levin on the cover of his new book) is going to use "Suck my gay dick."

Baconzgood February 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

You know…I suspect that the cpac people are hypocrites.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

NO! Ya think?

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Nah….

littlebigdaddy February 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I thought those ads always had your dick size and cut/uncut status.

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

A conservative has to be able to see his penis before he can say what it looks like.

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:31 pm

He never looks at. It's the tool of the devil.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That was back in the old days … before the ubiquitous InterNetz totally KILLED your down-low fucking around activity. These days, bragging about that shit gets pictures of your dick posted on Grindr tout-suite.

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

From CraigsList:

"Getting a group of discreet guys together from CPAC for a group thing in the hotel room. Send stats and a body pic, and let's do this.

"Put the name of the closing speaker in the subject line, so I know you're real."

Do "group" and "discreet" really go together?

Chichikovovich February 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

When everyone in the group has as much to lose as everyone else in the group if news of the meaty beaty big and bouncy becomes public, I'm thinking "discretion guaranteed".

Or perhaps the tiny risk of exposure adds to the thrill and good Republican cloth shame.

emmelemm February 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"meaty beaty"

I love it!

Chichikovovich February 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Well, credit really goes to the Who. But thanks – I pride myself on nicking only quality stuff.

HistoriCat February 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm

A good choice:
Side 1
3. "Happy Jack"
7. "The Seeker"

Side 2
7. "I'm a Boy"

and those are just the obvious titles …

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Upfisty for 'nicking.'

The abbot declared that, when nobody twigged it
Some rascal or other had popped in and prigged it

ShaveTheWhales February 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Three c-packers may keep a secret, if two of them are ball-gagged.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Ask the people in the next room about that.

Tundra Grifter February 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

And on the floor below.

KeepFnThatChicken February 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Today, we are all closeted conservative bottoms.

MissTaken February 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I guess CPAC is overflowing with Santorum today.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Today, tomorrow, and for all time.

weej_bain February 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

CPAC math:

buttsechs ≠ contraception

GregComlish February 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I'd suggest that CPAC needs to start a vigilante brigade to ferret out the homosexual activity that is sullying the name of this fine congress, but they probably already have. C-packers are probably getting dragged in S&M gear before the grand tribunal and cockslapped for their deviant ways.

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Maybe they know a smidge of Russian history and are smart enough not to do that so they can keep up their member(ahem)ship numbers. Who would be left at CPAC if they eliminated the closet cases? KLo, the blonde FOXes, Mr. Dugger (who doesn't have time for gay sex) and Rep. Joe Walsh?

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Geez I bet the tiny handful of actual straight dudes clean house at CPAC. Like shooting repressed right wing crazy ladies in a barrel.

Chichikovovich February 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

As much as we old-timers try to warn them, it seems that every young man has to learn the cold, hard truth of "Don't fuck crazy" the hard way.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Ah, yeah, that works until you get a look at the RW Crazy Laydees. There's a reason why so many conservative men get a boner for Bachmann, and that reason is, most conservative women are three times her size and uglier than sin.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Yeah, good point. Once you remove the population that looks Edie McClurg (sorry Edie) and/or have Mann Coulter penises, the prospects are probably a wee bit dicier.

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

*Switches on TV coverage of CPAC*

GAYDAR emits horrible wavering feedback shriek, explodes in smoke & flames. Shrapnel everywhere.

Sensitivity rheostat set too high, again.

smokefilledroommate February 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

any guys at cpac wanting to hang out? 26yr old latino Popeye. Conservative spinach.

smitallica February 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Why is everyone saying that Santorum is gay? I mean, it's perfectly common for straight, non-closeted, non-self-loathing men to obsess about gay sex and mention it every single time they speak on any topic, anywhere.

Joshua Norton February 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Izzat you, Marcus?

rickmaci February 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Mann Coulter must be really busy this weekend!!

comrad_darkness February 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Self-hating is apparently not optional for republicans.

Limeylizzie February 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Barb is in the house!

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 2:08 pm

BARB!! Update us!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

WHERE???

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

WOOHOO BARB!!

Mojopo February 10, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Where!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I looked all over for her. Where the fuck is my Barb, goddammit, I need my daily dose, I'm jonesing.

Limeylizzie February 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Just a quick post she is heavily medicated!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Sigh. Will keep looking. Poor lady.

Tanks for the update!

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:34 pm

HI BARB!!!

Limeylizzie February 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Too high to respond, but she's here.

CapnFatback February 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

This next sexy patriot is a self-described twink who includes a patriotic American flag at the bottom of his post.

Betcha he goes by the name Ol' Glory Hole. Bethca betcha.

Golfing_OJ February 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

"Your credit card will be discreetly charged as 'Seminar: The Fruits of Bible Study!'"

HelmutNewton February 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

The men's room at CPAC must be overflowing with all the "wide stance-ing" going on.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Every person that walks in initially thinks it must be really clean because it smells so bleach-y.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Yeah, it ain't wide-stancing that's overflowing that room, hon. Try Santorum.

widestanceshakedown February 10, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I am not affiliated with CPAC, if that's what you're getting at!

littlebigdaddy February 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I hope some enterprising soul brought a drill and cut out some glory holes in the dividers they use in the display area. And brought a stool for Marcus.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Marcus is all about bringing his own stool.

freakishlywrong February 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

CPAC'er to Marcus; "May I push in your stool"?

actor212 February 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Woodley has nice tits for a girl

thefrontpage February 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

CPAC 2012 CONFERENCE 2012
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE
COMMUNITY RELATIONS OFFICE
CPAC URGES EVERYONE HAVING RELATIONS TO REMAIN DISCREET
FOR IMMEDIATE 'RELEASE'

Feb. 10, 2012, Washington, D.C.—CPAC Community Relations Director Kurt Camerison today issued a statement urging all CPAC attendees who are engaging in their own form of community relations with residents of Washington, D.C., to please keep things "discreet" so the organization can adequately maintain its sense of hypocrisy and double standards.

"Like, last night, when everyone from CPAC took shuttle vans to the Crew Club and ended up singing Liza, Madonna and Elton songs until 4 a.m., well, that's just not cool!" Camerison said. "A better choice would be do everything in-house at the Wardman Park, which does have an indoor spa and bathhouse."

# # #

elburritodeluxe February 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

They seem fine with themselves, it's gay people they can't stand.

Wonderthing February 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I guess nailing your foot to the floor and dancing in a circle until you slowly bleed to death has become an old fuddy duddy's thing, eh? Darn.

gullywompr February 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I can see some CPACer getting caught with his hand in the (ahem) cookie jar, and attempting to use the Admiral Akbar' defense.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

And this defense would be?

You know, in the interest of research and all.

gullywompr February 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm
MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Oh, duh. An old nerd like me, too.

It's a weekend of watching LOTR and ST as punishment. Heh heh heh.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 3:12 pm

It's the CLAP!

seppdecker February 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I wish they'd just clear the floor, have a big, gay orgy, and get it out of their system. Maybe then we could get around to unfucking our country.

southernbeale February 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm

What's a twink? Clearly I haven't been spending enough time on the internet.

DrunkIrishman February 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Didn't they file for bankruptcy?

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm

An adult Twinkie™?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:29 pm

HAHAHAHA! Jezus, pdog, you're awful, you know that, right?

UW8316154 February 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

All the cool kids are talking in some special code and I have no idea what they are saying. Typical.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:31 pm

You, my dear, need to make the acquaintance of the Urban Dictionary. An acquaintance that you, like the rest of us, will soon come to regret, even as you paw its virtual pages for yet another nugget of information that will, eh, stain your nightmares forever.

ColonelDoctor February 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Young, slender, invariably white dude.

elburritodeluxe February 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Not for nothing, but MAN it would be awesome if heterosexual hook-ups were that easy…

MosesInvests February 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Ain't that the truth….

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Heterosexual hookups involve ONE thing gay hookups never will — the chance of producing yet another human life. Under those circs, sex is NOT recreational, but always fraught with the possibility of procreation and the creation of a lifelong responsibility. Because nobody who doesn't absolutely desire and long for a child should have one.

Of course, not a single religion that opposes abortion has yet admitted that gay sex is the only guarantee of no abortions ever again.

Nopantsmcgee February 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I'm hosting a 'CPAP" convention. Bring your own machine, and we'll connect them all to my hooka and try not to fall asleep. Now that's a convention.

owhatever February 10, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hey, Twink, I want to drill your butt until your eyes cross and you crawl across the floor crying for your mama. Send your picture, bitch. @elrushbo

flamingpdog February 10, 2012 at 2:42 pm

CPAC: We've changed our name to FudgePAC.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Obvious, yet hilarious.

C_R_Eature February 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

The Weekend's brand new CPAC Theme Song.

Lynne February 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

That's pretty funny. I'd like to see a few of them outed this week.

PlanetWingNut February 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I EMAILED some of these suckers last nite..paticularily the flag guy anyone want to see email posts or is that against terms of service? oh yeah and i got them to send me pics too…dumb fucks.

fitley February 10, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Larry Craig is signing penises and handing out breath mints in the lobby men's room.
David Vitter is handing out Hostess Ho-Hos to the ladies from a large diaper. How cute.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Shame they picked the wrong Washington for CPAC, if it was here in the Evergreen State, they could look for a long term commitment with family values instead of a meaningless fling in a Men's Room stall.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm

You know, Lionel, it suddenly occurs to me why these motherfuckers hate gay folks so much. Their idea of being gay is limited to being on the down-low, acting straight, hating themselves, and being bukkake'd or pissed on by strangers in some dump. They have no idea that a person can come out of the closet and find a partner and true love and build a home and family with them. I have so many friends who have been together for longer than these little shits have been alive.

They're fucking projecting. They're a bunch of closet queens and they're projecting harder than some young-dumb-and-fulla-cum pornstar wannabe queen.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Truer words have seldom been spoken, Study after study has shown that if you know an openly gay person, or at least occasionally have interactions with them, your acceptance of teh Ghayez goes way up. It is so hard to make a logical argument against gay marriage or anything if you see that, hey, they are just like me. If you get a chance, look at some of the debate in the Washington Legislature over gay marriage the last few weeks. Amazingly, both parties did themselves proud, and some of the best speeches came from Republicans who supported the bill.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Interesting. Thanks, will do.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub February 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

i'm a Confurvative looking for a cute bald eagle to yiff ;3

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yes, as a liberal I want to reach out to all constituencies, per Howard Dean's 50-states-and-all-proclivities strategy. And how can I if I don't know there are furries who do it in the doghouse with 12-year-old boys by night and manage state legislators' offices by day? Thanks for the info, Wonket.

bagofmice February 11, 2012 at 6:31 am

I do have furry gay boys who are into suspension that could help with this question.

PlanetWingNut February 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

by the way the Group thing isn't at the hotel its off somewhere in arlington.

Jukesgrrl February 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

So KLo won't find them?

vtxmcrider February 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

A few days ago, when all the media were saying that Santorum was beginning to surge, they were referring to the upcoming CPAC.

Man0nTheStreet February 10, 2012 at 10:43 pm

29yo WM, blond/blue, ht/wt proportionate, discrete, versatile, work out regular, Conservative, Christian seeks same or younger to explore mutual interest in Santorum. No Newts, Lindseys, Boehners please.

Negropolis February 10, 2012 at 11:53 pm

5'4" and 130lbs?

Dude, this is not the conference you want to be selling booty at. These are closet cases with self-control and anger issues who've strangled and stuffed in suit cases female hookers far larger than yourself.

BZ1 February 11, 2012 at 1:47 am

Repub Twinks? that's a gruesome thought…

ttommyunger February 11, 2012 at 7:31 am

" No fatties!" If he added "No dummies" it would be a clean sweep.

YouAre____ February 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

175lbs is too heavy for a twink. Lose weight, fatty. I don't care if it's muscle.

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

You poor sad little bitches. CPAC this year was 50% under 25, and 44% students. It's always been the case that the youngsters there are more libertarian than conservative, even when Ron Paul doesn't show up. Among the interesting stories you leftovers missed is that there were some libertarians who were both at CPAC AND at the Occupy march protesting CPAC, including the accountant who does Occupy's books.

It's in your tiny unimaginative minds that the young CPACers are closeted, anti gay, or not sex positive.

I think poor Dan Savage, shoring it up at White House dinners with his shitty waffling president, is trying to bet some relevance. After all his lifework is for naught. We just had a week of mainstream media using the phrase Santorum surge with no shred of irony.

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm

How would any conservative know what irony is?

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

It's funny to see Wankerettes who shill for peeps like Anthony Weiner, Georgie Stephanapolous, Donna Brazille, Barbara Mikulski etc etc try to talk about closet cases.

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm

By the way little Obama whore bitches, one of your heroes, David Brock, the creator of Media Matters for America, has an ad up over at chemistry.com since his boyfriend dumped him. He only wants white men though according to his ad. Like MSNBC he's a leftover, but he still knows blacks have their place.

Soros does give him millions though, and he lives in a mansion in lily white Kalorama where the non whites are either the help or diplomats. Maybe one of you losers can drill him and get a nice Soros funded house boy position.

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 7:30 pm

"Soros does give him millions though"

How do YOU know that?

Admit it, you heard some idiot say this…

BruceMajor February 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Such obvious sexism among you Wankerettes. You didn't think to look in the women for women section of craigslist for lesbians at CPAC. You just assume their dukes are all closeted like Barbara Mikulski and Donna Brazile and all your big Democratic girls.

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Nowhere in the Bible does it say anything bad about lesbians.

It's called DON"T CARE BEAR…

WiscDad February 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

LOL…the next in line to be the outed-airportbathroom-cock sucking-senator from <name your state>

DahBoner February 16, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Any guys at CPAC want to hang out? Experienced noose-maker has an opening for neck sizes up to 24 inches…

elviouslyqueer February 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Fare and I live to serve.

Oh, wait…

Fare la Volpe February 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Come on back, Papa Bear. Your dream piggy lurks somewhere much classier than CPAC. Somewhere like Fet Life.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Pics or GTFO.

Loaded_Pants February 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

That headline was not an accident.

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Fare, darling, you really know how to, ahem, touch me. WOOO!

doloras February 10, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Sub-text? That ad is pure dom-text.

doloras February 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Also called a "beard" because it makes you look more masculine. I wonder what the equivalent (show-husband for closeted dykes) would be? A miniskirt?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:21 pm

All the dykes I know call 'em beards too. "Skirt" sounds good, though, don't it?

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 8:32 pm

"Slip Kid"?

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:41 pm

True! How many "6'2 175 8" uncut br/bl" ads have turned out to be "Well, that was me 12 years ago and age makes your dick shrink"!

MittBorg February 10, 2012 at 8:58 pm

(perks up) I don't know. What were you thinking?

starfanglednut February 10, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I forget. Where were we?

bagofmice February 11, 2012 at 6:36 am

You're the tops! Don't stop bringing it!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: