the hard sell

Romney Actually Concerned About The Very Poor, Namely Drug Testing Them

What's it going to take to get you into Mitt Romney today?As the undisputed loser of three crucial Republican head-on collisions this week, Mitt Romney can’t be blamed for turning his campaign into something of a fire sale. This is America, kiddos. ABC, Always Be CLOSING. Mitt is a businessman, allegedly, so he knows that if no one (literally!) is buying what you’re selling, well, it’s time to give any loony offer that comes your way a serious hearing. In practice, this means Mitt will pretend to listen to what you’re saying and — before your voice can even start lilting upward to form the question — he will already be vomiting forth his grinning assent. Anything, ANYTHING, to move the still-smoldering inventory of his presidential aspirations. Drug testing welfare recipi– “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YES WHEN DO I START!!!!”

A reporter at Atlanta NBC affiliate 11 Alive braved the onslaught of Mitt’s in-your-face agreeability:

Hullinger: “How about a quick question [on] the state legislature. It’s been bantered about-that welfare recipients should be drug tested. What do you think?”

Romney: “states will deal with drug testing with welfare recipients, but my own view it’s a great idea. People who are receiving welfare benefits, government benefits, we should make sure they are not using the money for drugs. I think it’s an excellent idea.”


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  1. Steverino247

    Mr. President, to what do you attribute the idea that the 20% of Republicans polls show are likely to vote for you are really Democrats who are being paid by George Soros, and that white guilt is motivating one fifth of Republicans to possibly support you?

    They've lost their medical coverage and are no longer able to afford their psychotropic medications.

  2. CapnFatback

    "Drug test welfare recipients? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Most CEOs that I know are jacked up on shit you can only get if you know a guy in South America directly, so- Oh . . . oh, THAT kind of welfare. Well, shit, yeah, test those fuckers."

    1. mrpuma2u

      Reminds me of the Mojo Nixon classic lyrics from "just say no"
      "I ain't gonna pee in no cup 'till Nancy Reagan gonna drink it up"

      Yes test all the corporate welfare recipients too, let's see how many come up with Oxycontin and viagra hits that they don't have scrips for.

  3. Dashboard Buddha

    Government benefits. Hmmmm…military contractors get government benefits. Aren't veterans benefits government benefits? Federal pensions? Wait…Social security?

  4. Steverino247

    You would think that the guy who won the Florida primary would know Florida proved this was a bad idea.

    1. anonymousryan

      Sure, the drug testing has cost more than was saved by cutting off benefits to those few that failed the test, but we made life harder for someone who likes to smoke pot every now and then. It's one of them there moral victories.

  5. SorosBot

    Yes, a great idea, people who need welfare in the United States just aren't humiliated enough for it.

    1. James Michael Curley

      If you're a veteran and decide, end up, capitulate, or whatever to having the Veterans Administration your primary care provider, when they request periodic blood and urine tests "for your health screening" ask them for the lab tests. You will find the results include bunches of tests for marijuana, cocaine, prescription drugs and such.

      A national data base of over 32 million who have been 'drug tested' and HIPPA does not apply to the federal government.

      Where's my tea?

      1. ph7

        Some folks are born
        silver spoon in hand,
        Lord don't they help themselves.
        But when the pee test man comes to the door,
        Lord, their urinal looks like a rummage sale.

    1. BarryOPotter

      One has a certain likability, if not an ineffable charm, about them, the other offers a frothy mix of bathos-smeared "pandermonium" (thanks for the new word , Schmannityy!) in exchange for a vote.

  6. OC_Surf_Serf

    Smaller Government™

    Focus on the 'small' folks with small worlds doing small things getting small handouts pissing into a small cup.

  7. Indiepalin

    Test all of these presidential candidates for drug use and anyone testing negative should be sent to work on the Kill Floor at Iowa Beef Products.

  8. Goonemeritus

    I also think we need to test Social Security recipients I’m sick of tripping over seniors booting up in my hallways and those damn drug fueled senior raves.

    1. widestanceshakedown

      But, at least their raves over by 3:30pm, followed by Ben Gay come down time, and then on to Country Buffet for dinner.

    2. ChuckieJesus

      My mom's a Real Old now, pulling Social Security and very little else, living the dream in America's Syphilitic Dick (FL). Olds get GREAT fucking drugs, shit that would give Hunter S. Thompson pause. It's just the poor ones like my mom have to choose between feeling the pain of pins in her spine, and oh… eating.

      1. carolinaswamp

        My mom has moved on from really old to really dead, sadly, but while alive her 400 mg. of time-release morphine a day would have cracked the test tubes at the testing facilities.

  9. Steverino247

    Drug tests for welfare applicants in exchange for psychological evaluations of political candidates with the results of both posted online along with the financial disclosures already required. Let's see who's got which personality disorders before we vote. Save billions in veterans benefits!

  10. SorosBot

    Someone should remind the rural Republican base that drug testing would apply to white welfare beneficiaries and the drugs tested for would include meth.

    1. ChuckieJesus

      Slighty OT, but methheads clean up quicker than potheads. If you can stand the itching and the cravings, you'll clean out after a week or so, with tweak, whereas pot will stay in a person's system anywhere between a month and three months, depending on how fat your ass is.

      It's a cryin' shame…

      1. SorosBot

        But pot is so much more dangerous than meth, we can't have welfare recipients using a drug that might give them the munchies, make them dress like idiots or think the Grateful Dead and Phish don't actually suck.

        1. MissTaken

          Have fun with that skank you met on Match, or was it Adult Friend Finder? I forget. Anyways, have fun, whatever.

          **seething with jealousy**

  11. Baconzgood

    “states will deal with drug testing with welfare recipients, but my own view it’s a great idea. People who are receiving welfare benefits, government benefits, we should make sure they are not using the money for drugs. I think it’s an excellent idea. Wait….can we implement this after the election? 'Cause you gotta be whacked outta you'r gord to vote for me.”

    1. hagajim

      I think it's an excellent idea (because it might get me a few more fucking votes)….besides small government forever right? Dick!

  12. freakishlywrong

    I'm going to be scheuding my frauden all over the fucking place, when, after all this shameless teabaggery, Mittens will have to attempt to become a "moderate" again. Bring it, bitch!

  13. OC_Surf_Serf

    The Republicans are so damn afraid of the welfare recipients yet their policies keep creating more of them.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Serious here. Did you know Gary Burghoff could sing? I shouldn't be surprised when I see an actor that can do other things than…act.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      Uh, well, it's concerning that thing you don't want to know anything about, sir. You know, the reason why you're not here today?

      Honestly, this makes as much sense as anything that trickles out of these morons.

  14. JackDempsey1

    I am quite sure that you find my urine chock full of vitamin F for freedom, like all real Americans. Where do I pee?

  15. Baconzgood

    Ahhhhhh Mitt. 60% of welfare recipients are white, live in the south, and do meth.

    Welfar+white+south+meth=YOUR VOTING BASE.

  16. elburritodeluxe

    Why stop there? Drug testing for everyone who receives medicare and medicaid, drug testing in order to get unemployment, drug testing for every member of Congress, drug testing to register your kid in school, drug testing to get a gun license!

  17. mrblifil

    So the guys who think fluorescent light bulbs are a conspiracy against freedumbs want the poor to pee in a cup while some ex-TSA reject sends it off to the lab to see if they are entitled to a "handout." Makes sense to me…

    Does it to you?

  18. Chichikovovich

    Romney continued: "Really, it's a perfect Republican policy. It adds an additional humiliation to already humiliation-filled lives of the poor and desperate. It costs money that can be funneled directly into the pockets of the Republican contributors who sell the drug tests. (Sometimes even the wives of the Republican governors who brought the tests in in the first place – is this a great country or what?) Occasionally we will be able to block people from any public assistance at all for ill-advisedly smoking a joint, which will make no difference at all to government expenditures of course, but will give us all a chance to kick someone when s/he's down, which is what today's Republican is all about. And thinking long-term, we can probably compile lists of people who fail these drug tests, and look for opportunities to convict them of drug felonies that will provide one more inmate to the private prisons owned and run by Republican contributors, plus in many states it will strike them from the voter rolls forever. So in fact, it's time to make it the centerpiece of my campaign. That, plus denying women access to contraception, and securing light-bulb freedom."

    1. MozakiBlocks

      And what goes on in a woman's uterus? And who wants to marry whom? And who is a spokesperson for a department store?

  19. Texan_Bulldog

    Ha ha…the only thing Mittens hasn't done is offer his wife up for a wet T-shirt contest at Sturgis ala Walnuts. Oh wait, that's in August–Anne better start working out.

  20. Mumbletypeg

    Welfare recipients pissing away their gov't bennies on drugs. Like our elected harlequins pissing away our votes on specious favor-swaps and rides in big corps' pockets, Mitt? For last-ditch sales pitches you're running for President on empty, for Pete's sake.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Apart from the enjoyment of reconstituting the very words of the blow-dried subject of our post, I look forward to taking your advice Freakish — which I recall your dispensing on previous occasions — and yet I'll save my most brutal verbal savagery for those über-menaces who have most egregiously worked to reap my wrath with their extra-pathetic displays of fucknuggetry.

  21. Tundra Grifter

    For a group that whines about Mr. Obama's "class warfare," the right wing nutz seem to have declared a scorched earth policy on lower-income America.

    Which, considering that half the folks in the good old US of A report AGI of less than $35,000 a year – would be most of us.

    These idiots are channeling St. Ronnie of Reagan's "welfare mothers in Cadillacs," crying that poor people don't pay enough in taxes, welfare recipients are all cheats (especially those seniors and little kids that could be out there working), poor people have refrigerators so they aren't really poor, etc., etc.

    Have they no shame?

    1. Chichikovovich

      "Have they no shame?"

      Sure they do. When Romney was governor of Massachusetts the state guaranteed health care coverage to everyone, and he's ashamed of that.

  22. elburritodeluxe

    So Mittens the leftist, statist, America-hating Sharia law liberal would allow states to pay welfare benefits?

    1. UnholyMoses



      I guess they changed their motto to "Be as evil as is profitable."

      Fuckity fuck all to fuck.

  23. CapeClod

    Wait until the zombie apocolypse starts. Think the poors are going to teach you to hunt squirrel after you've humilated them repeately?

      1. sharethegrief

        When Michelle (black woman Democrat) makes suggestions, it's nazism. When the Florida legislator (white woman Republican) proposes a bill, that's just loving your country.

  24. hagajim

    While we're testing welfare recipients lets include everyone who gets a dime of government monies….hell, maybe we all ought to piss in a cup monthly – then dump it on Willard's fat head. Are we gonna test for Santorum as well?

  25. SolitaireRose

    How many of the people who will have to take these piss tests are voting for the bastards making them pee in a cup. Stoopid poors. If they were smart they'd be rich. Herman Cain told me so and he made money out of shitty pizza!

  26. Terry

    Mitt, hon, you need to talk to folks in Florida. Their asshat of a governor did just this. The result? Massive amount of money spent to find out that very, very, very few of the welfare recipients tested positive for drugs. You know what? Most people are just trying to get by and make as nice a life as possible for their kids. People take Welfare because they have to and most don't stay on it long. That fat welfare queen with the five bedroom house that was purchased by the gov't for her? That's a wet dream invented by Reagan to justify being a heartless prick. Sure, of all the welfare recipients in the country, you can find a person who abuses the system. But for each example of abuse, I can show you hundreds if not thousands of people who are simply doing the best they can and need some help through a rough patch.

    1. HistoriCat

      You know, the real money is in healthcare – I wonder how much fraud could happen there. Maybe Rick Scott should launch an investigation into that.

          1. James Michael Curley

            I have to concede that as Republicans have driven more and more previously state run services into the private sector their return on investment has soared. When liberals dispute this I just remind them with two words, “Iraq War”.

  27. starfanglednut

    Protect poor people's zygotes with every draconian law you can dream up, but once they leave the birth canal, it's drug tests and janitorial work for the little fuckers.

  28. actor212

    Anybody who gets government money should be subject to testing commensurate with the amount of money they're pulling down.

    I'm looking at you, Mr Bain Capital Executive….

  29. prommie

    Will they be testing for prozac, lexapro, welbutrin, klonopin, adderal, valium, xanax, oxycontin, demerol, dilaudid, placydil, darvon, etc, etc, etc?

  30. elburritodeluxe

    Speaking of welfare, it's awfully nice of Mittens and his friends to baptise dead Jews as Mormons …

  31. weej_bain

    What about drug testing for the not so poorz? Would you like to know that your heart surgeon or the engineer that signed-off on the bridge you are about to drive over isn't / wasn't coked out of their minds at an inopportune time? A dear friend, now passed, had open heart to repair a congenital heart defect & the operation went way south. 8 months later the #2 chest cutter for his surgery died of a coke overdose. His widow could not bring that up as part of her malpractice suit. Mittens, you are an asshole – round, red, and stained about the edges.

    1. carolinaswamp

      Funny you should mention that. My father, a true South Carolina conservative Republican, designed many of our lovely state's bridges while drinking a quart of bourbon a day. A quart. Fortunately he is now long dead and won't have to face the embarrassment of testing, as if anyone would have had to test to tell what was going on. In any case, bourbon wouldn't be covered since it is a preferred drug at local country clubs.

  32. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mittens should be taking drugs. Some organic hallucinogens like peyote or mushrooms might actually loosen his overly tightened brain.

  33. Pithaughn

    A little enlightenment wonkers. Old white people's SS $ is not a benefit , they earned that the old fashioned way, paying a low FICA and then collecting COLA adjusted payments. SS is out of control, example, is there a single SS beneficiary who does not have at least one color TV?

  34. James Michael Curley

    Famous TV Hucksters:

    Mitt Romney = Crazy Eddie
    Newt Gingrich = Cal Worthington
    Rick Santorum = "Madman" Muntz
    Ron Paul = Ron Paul

  35. Biff

    This is a growth industry for me. I'll piss in your cup for $10. If you want passing results, slightly higher.

  36. C_R_Eature

    Pee test for Poors policy implemented.

    Poors immediately buy up all the asparagus in the grocery stores.

  37. fuflans

    in the war on drugs, drug testing is the out sourced contractors drinking jello shots off each other's asses.

  38. DahBoner

    I stayed up all night studying for my drug test and all I got was some stupid little cup, I think they call that size Pequeno in European…

  39. Tundra Grifter

    The airwaves belong to the public, right? Tv and radio stations obtain licenses to use the bands owned by everyone.

    So – let's drug test every talking head. They use the public airwaves for free, right?

    Let's see the ClusterFox lineup pee into a little cup.

  40. barto

    Hey Mitt! Are you getting a tax deduction for your home loan(s)? Government benny, dude! Get in line for your testys!

  41. ttommyunger

    Let's just hoist a huge bucket under the tip of Florida and have 'Merika take a whiz in it, for fuck's sake, Mittens.

  42. BarryOPotter

    That 15% tax rate on those non-earnings of yours, Mitt? That shit's a gubmint bene:

    "My lord, kindly micturate in this vessel, this cup, and place said cup, or vessel, on yon wall-incorporated stainless steel carousel, ye fookin' welfare queen…"

  43. actor212

    And testing should be in proportion to the amount they took in.

    So a welfare recipient has to pee in a cup.

    A vulture capitalist who pays 15% on carried interest? Staked out for vultures. If the vultures survive, he can get his tax rate. This way we know he's not toxic

  44. JustPixelz

    Just like it says in the Constitution, "Congress shall approve no renumeration against evidence of moral turpitude." I think it says that somewhere. Or maybe I'm high.

  45. Dashboard Buddha

    Yeah…I should have read the existing comments first. But then, when one is a self-centered me-monkey like me, you can you see how I might feel that what I have to say is sooooo important.

  46. Ruhe

    I had that written on a little card sitting next to my computer. I was just waiting and waiting, then, boom, you jump in and take it.

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