What the hell was Steve King’s speech to CPAC about? All we got from this video and transcript snippet was something about “janitors which were nancy Stasi troops” sneaking around his office at night stealing his “black market light bulbs,” so he sent his interns on a rescue mission to get new ones that the gay Nazis were not allowed to molest. So what did you do with the light bulbs then, Steve?
You go right ahead and share, Steve King, you’re among friends:
So I got this green bag right here. And I filled it up with the black market light bulbs. And I brought them back to my office here in the Capitol. Whenever I need to put a bulb in the lamp, I reach in this green bag and I screw it in there and smile. A little bit of my liberty back.
Shudder. [TalkingPointsMemo]
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I am not normally one to pray for disasters particularly one so close to where I live but these morons are working on my last nerve.
The survivors may not be the lucky ones.
We must repeal the Obama fascist socialist Nazi Shariah law that calls for Catholics to abort their fetus lightbulbs, for freedom for job creators.
[Did I miss any Rehtuglican talking points?]
Tax cuts!
DAMN! You're right! Stupid liberal keyboard.
Gay tax cuts!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, buddy. Do you hear yourself? We're conservatives; why not add a "gay tax" just to be petty and discriminatory? Sure, it goes against our religious observance of tax cutting, but, come on, it's the gays, and cognitive dissonance is our thing. It's our brand.
Climate change is a hoax because Al Gore is fat?
And it snowed!
And he lives in a big house!
Reagan Jesus Jefferson. Profoundly and fundamentally.
Which ACORN Muslims are forcing down our throats with their Chicago union thug Alinsky tactics!
When he screws it in, he's the only one smiling.
That is how he describes his sex life too.
SHEEP LIBEL.
Here's to hoping Steve King gets (more) confused, and makes love to a sexed up lightbulb socket.
Steve King knows the laws are only for the little people.
Though I am shocked that he would go to a black (!) market. Why, there might be Negroes there.
…is it just me or did it just get dark in here?
Very, very urban.
Hey, I've some the best deals that the blah market.
In short, he wants to be allowed to say "n****r"
And he needs to eat more fibre. Or less; I forget how it goes. Either way; if you think single-flush toilets are one of the biggest dangers threatening America you should see at least one doctor, probably more.
Dim bulbs, all around!
. . . I reach in this green bag and I screw it in there and smile.
I get so damn hot when Republicans dog-whistle about fucking.
My patience has all dribbled out.
Fuck the oldey-timey incandescent bulbs. Want to impress me, Steve King? Switch to leaded gas.
And even better, he could get some of that leaded paint. Sure it can cause poisoning and mental handicaps but it doesn't peel off readily like that liberal non-toxic paint.
Something tells me Steve's got leaded paint covered.
Does he still smoke and use cream in his coffee, too? If so, we might not have this hilarious comedy around much longer.
I have a friend who worked in an emergency room and apparently light bulb removal was something he did from time to time. Still, surprised King would admit to it.
DAMN YOU!
After accidentally tweeting his x-ray, he was left with little choice.
The Rectum is sort of like a socket….
… which leads to the intestines, a series of tubez.
The rectum is a socket, essentially.
/fixed
How many self important Desert Eagle Raccoon Shooters from Iowa does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He just stands there with an upraised arm and waits for the universe to revolve around him.
I've heard that one before, but it was about Harvard trained doctors.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None.
ManchuCandidate screwed it up already.
Goddammit(see below). Are we running out of snark or what?
There's plenty of snark. We just can't get at it because of burdensome regulations.
Free the Snark Sands!!!!!!!
all of them Kat… Extempo.
Hitler?
None, they are humorless sociopaths.
I think I'm going with "None" as well, but because those little school kids gotta earn their way somehow?
None. They would rather sit with no light and make speeches blaming President Obama for the "darkness".
Republicans don't screw in lightbulbs-they screw in airport men's rooms.
None. In the free market, the light bulb screws itself in, or it doesn't eat. Lazy, fuckin' Lightbulbed-Americans.
Why didn't he just whip out his Desert Eagle and teach those curly cue bulbs a fucking lesson?
Desert Eagle 6
Goddamn Liberal Fucking Lightbulbs 0
Cuz his Desert Eagle is moar like a Storm Lake Sparrow.
7.5 seconds in to reach Godwin's law. 3.5 if you start from audio. That's a new record.
But since those Nazi janitors were ghey nancy boyz does it make it okay?
I thought The Stand was a shitty book.
M-O-O-N spells black-market buttplugs!
Great. Just when we got the first clown car powered up and shoved out of the garage, a second clown car pulls up driven by Bozo himself.
I Screw It in There and Smile
Funny. According to the other "Steve" King, IT screws you in there and smiles.
I thought they all just floated.
A little bit of my liberty back.
Maybe you should focus on getting a little bit of your sanity back, Steve.
Watt the fuck?!
Voltsamatter wichoo?
Just shocking but King's an ohmnivore who's got the I² nailed.
Watt, watt, in the butt…
Wattchu talking 'bout, Willis?
He's not gay, he's AC/DC.
More illuminated individuals refer to him as a "switch hitter".
Somehow I doubt anyone ever shook him all night long.
OHM-IGOD!
So you've joined the resistance?
Steve King should be MOSFETed since he so loves the back gate.
He seems more bipolar to me.
Well, that certainly got me amped up.
Keep tungsten-punching that spark box, EQ!
I hope King doesn't have any other joules of wisdom for us.
If he does, we'll just keep plugging away.
Dyne-o-mite.
This comment thread is amped up on shocking electrical puns.
Too amped up. It really Hertz.
It's an incandescent beauty.
As an eletrical engineer I approve of these horrible puns.
Do you like King's coulomb-over?
They do display a spark of creativity.
I just don't have the capacitor to put up with this shit!
Some of us are just wired differently.
In farad dime, in farad dollar.
Man, you fuckers are on fire today. Like, high voltage!!!
DON'T TASE ME, BRO!
DANGER! DANGER!
Is this now a closed circuit, or can I join in the pun?
How can you resistance?
Who am I to re-fuse?
Jim Newell is reading this now and thinking "Damn, Ken was right — the job did get easier!"
Republicans: The Party of Infinite Impedance.
Folks should wind this up. A surge of puns creates the potential for battery.
Jefferson! Madison! Franklin! King?
That last of these screws in a fucking light bulb, and he thinks he's striking a blow for freedom from the tyranny of the Crown.
What have we come to as a nation?
"We pledge our liveƒ, our fortuneƒ, our ƒacred honor, and our incandeƒents"
The tree of light bulb liberty must be refreshed with molecules of mercury from CFBs from time to time.
And he's prolly lying about doing that. Yep, I'm calling "bullshit" on him.
The Republican battle cry " I SCREW IT IN THERE AND SMILE"
Hey Kirsten, a word of warning: watch out for the infamous CPAC reacharound. Ask Riley.
He might hate welfare, but he loves that sweet, sweet subsidy money that the large farming concerns in his state receive. But don't call it corporate welfare – it's a reward for creating all them non-union jerbs.
… jerbs that his pal Grandpa Cornpants wants to turn over to child-interns.
Man, I guess the Home Depot by my house needs a visit from the Light Bulb Police. They have shelves and shelves of incandescent light bulbs available, 40W, 60W, 75W, 100W, even the super-dangerous multi-watt 3-ways. You can just fucking buy them, with your credit card or debit card or cash. It's incredible— Bulverde, Texas is the Amsterdam of light bulbs, I guess.
Jules: Incandescence is legal there right?
Vincent: Yeah, it's legal, but it ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean, you can't walk into a restaurant, screw in a bulb and start smilin' away. You're only supposed to bask in your home or certain designated places.
Jules: And those are radiance bars?
Vincent: It breaks down like this: it's legal to buy it, it's legal to own it, and, if you're the proprietor of a radiance bar, it's legal to sell it. It's legal to carry it, but that doesn't really matter 'cause – get a load of this – if you get stopped by the cops in Bulverde Texas, and you're white, it's illegal for them to search you. I mean, that's a right the cops in Bulverde, Texas don't have.
Jules: [Laughing] I'm going, that's all there is too it, I'm fucking going
Vincent: Yeah baby, you'd dig it the most.
"Bulb Fiction" is definitely a modern American classic.
Bulverde, TX? I spent some time at Smithson Valley Middle School. Corporal punishment still in effect there?
Also, we had one black kid in the school, and this was in 1990.
I'm not sure. But the black kid, he's still there.
I like the prominent "Pay your fines here" link on the city home page.
And that city limits map – I thought Houston's city limits were funky but damn!
Yeah, they left out all the streets that had mobile homes on them and incorporated all the highways people like to speed on and the homes with tax value over 200K. It was a blocking move to prevent eventual incorporation into the ever-expanding city of San Antonio.
I hope the fuck doesn't wear one of them liberal Alinsky-type seat belts either and runs into an Hummer.
Too bad the gummint-mandated air bag would save his worthless ass.
By the way, there's a comment of note about those "good Edison light bulbs". My wife bought some GE incandescents recently, and I had to replace a dead bulb. I've always looked at the ends. Habit. They've ALWAYS said "Made in the USA." Not any more. "MEXICO".
"Good old Edison light bulbs." Fuck you, Peter.
Mexico…ain't that by the Gulf of America?
Yeah, but they're going to rename Mexico as "America", which will fix that problem right there.
NAFTA. If you want to pay more for your light bulbs, go ahead and pay more and buy slightly more expensive ones made in America. No one's stopping you.
It couldn't have been more apt for that asshole to say "Edison light bulb," because I was buying GE bulbs.
AND AT THE SAME TIME, ironically, GE now has its new feel-good campaign about American jobs in America. Saw that shit on MSNBC last night.
They may both go to hell.
Liberty? BTW, asshole, it GWB that passed that tyrannical lightbulb shit, and GE is not amused at you fucknuts rolling it back. Just saying. This crap is going to go on ALL FUCKING WEEKEND?
OK. Seriously. What the fuck is it about Republicans and tungsten? I don't get it.
Dude. "Tongue". Really?
Wait. Who's tonguing Steny Hoyer?
Watt's his name.
I don't know!
But who's on first?
Of the wingnut obsessions, the light-bulb one is one of the weirdest. And there is absolutely no reason to prefer incandescent light to fluorescent, except just because they think it pisses off liberals. No, all you're doing is making your electric bills higher.
Disposal of the new, Made with Mercury, bulbs is a pain in the ass, and the bulbs cost a lot more each. I'm not so sure the reduction of utility bills thing is cost effective from my end yet. From a larger point of view, reduction of the need to generate electricity for the grid is good, but I'm not saving squat, personally. However, I'm not going to go this insane over it. I'm taking a 'wait and see' attitude about it until I've got a year or two of utility bills to compare.
My best guess as to why these guys are going insane over it is the increased cost per bulb resentment coupled with Government telling them to do something.
Three years ago I moved into an apartment that had compact bulbs installed in every room. Haven't had to change a bulb yet. No idea what impact it has on my utility bills, but not having to change light bulbs on 14-foot ceilings is kind of a huge plus.
I changed over all my bulbs five years ago, haven't had one burn out yet.
Not sure about that cost argument either. I bought two last weekend, and they were $1.79 a piece. Haven't done the ROI assessment yet, but I'm pretty sure that I've probably recouped the price differential already this week.
I basically converted 100% to CFLs about five years ago. In five years, I've had to replace one bulb (an early-model magnetic ballast), so the disposal issue (drop it off at Home Depot) hasn't been all that big of a deal. BTW, at least a few years ago, there were occasional subsidized sales — I got a good many CFLs for less than a buck a piece.
My highest-tier electricity rate is well over $0.10 per kWh. Suppose I have a single 100W incandescent that is on 3 1/3 hours per day. That's 10 kWh, or a dollar, every month. The 23W CFL lumen equivalent costs $0.23 a month. In a year, the savings for that bulb are $9.24.
Steve, they're way less expensive, both when you consider how much longer they last than an incandescent, and how much less juice they pull. I've been using them for almost 5 years, I only have had to replace 1 of them (out of over 20 in my house) and even if they last only 5x longer than regular bulbs, they're not 5x more expensive.
If it pisses off liberals, it's worth sacrificing your children, your principles and your sanity for.
Not to mention the environment and the respect of other countries.
Actually, he's just wasting government funds that could go to further tax breaks for rich people.
too right – so odd odd odd. AND passed under / signed by bush.
my problem is several of my fixtures are quite old (my house is 1903-ish and one fixture is original. several others are from various decades over the past 100 years).
it's tricky finding bulbs that fit – though i imagine the free market will take care of that in short order.
How many Republicans does it take to 'screw out' a light bulb?
From folk lore, I thought removal had to be done in the ER.
Apparently the dipshit can't install a low flow shower nozzle either. Hell, mine works great and I got a $25 rebate from my water utility for that and some low flow toilets. Stick that your in an 110V/60Hz/20A AC circuit Mr. King and tell me how ventricular fibrillation feels.
I hope the Wonkette staff get hazardous duty pay for having to deal with CPAC along with the screech of Joan of Wasilla when she opens her fucking piehole this weekend.
A little bit of my liberty back.
Isn't it just something that the Republicans use lightbulbs as a rallying cry for liberty when people are dying for real in Syria for it? Doesn't that fill you with pure disgust? I heard this underground Syrian reporter on NPR talking about how he may just go home and announce himself publicly because "There should be no shame for liberty."
Except at CPAC.
And don't I need to get drinking very soon?
"The Liberals," of course, is the name King gave his junk.
After which he needs to take another three-minute shower.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
"Lather. Rinse. Repeat. "
That's what the rentboys are for.
If you want, representative King, you can go UNscrew the valve caps on your vehicle's tires a bit, give'em a good kick while you're at it, because teh darkie occupying th'Oval Office told us keeping our tires inflated was a Good idea! Trust me, do it — relieve them of some air, that'll show him; you'll feel better doing it and a little later down the road I'll probably start feeling better too.
That guy should go back to writing horror novels. Although I think black market light bulbs and secret nazis sneaking around at night was pretty close to the plot of one of Steven King's books.
Energy Quiz
Which is a way to make America more energy independent?
(A) Keep inefficient, power-wasting light bulbs available to the public.
(B) Oppose higher fuel standards for cars.
(C) Open up more land for oil drilling, but make no guideline that it can only be sold domestically.
(D) None of the above.
I am 100% Steve King and the rest of the Republican Conference would pick the wrong answer.
Watt an asshole!
Dude's like totally a rebel. Like a wealthy White Male Rosa Parks or something.
Hey Steve thanks for wasting energy and keeping the cost of government up, douche bag.
Wasn't this fucking light bulb thing signed by GEORGE W. FUCKIN' BUSH? Liberty my ass!!!
That's right. That's right – blame EVERYTHING on Bush!!! (Throw a few "libtard" and "sheeple" in there. Also. Too.)
I know, I am ranting but…I was thinking about this last night.
I understand the concept of "willing suspension of disbelief" and I have recognized that everything awful that happened before Sept 2008 (and "the Great Recession) can be blamed on a Democratic Congress. Everything that happened after November 2008 is directly attributable to the black man governing from the Whitehouse. Aw hell, many of the things that happened before 2008 are Obama’s fault as well.
Now, what I don't get…is the vast quantum contortion of cognitive denial that literally requires Albert Einstein to rise from the dead, with gun in hand, travel back in time to force his own grandfather to suck himself in an attempt to get Republicans to understand they haven't all of a sudden “lost their America”.
They have just lost their fuckin’ minds.
Edit: that didn't make sense but then, does it have to…in our current state of discourse?
It may not have made sense but it was a thing of beauty.
I'm sure the nurse in the Capitol has an entire collection of light bulbs extracted from King's "fixture" in her office
His preference, I'm told, is 4' fluorescent tubes.
Now if we would just go back to using Kerosene lamps, we would keep the Fire Dept busy, thus creating more jobs screwing their charred remains into body-bags.
Dear Rep. King:
Ur doing it rong.
XOXOXOXO
I'm gonna just go ahead and nominate this guy for "Upper Class Twit of the Year." Should be a hell of a competition though with the likes of Gomert and the other King and all the rest in the field… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqObJtGrKaA
How many Republican congressmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one but boy, howdy, does it ever put a smile on their face.
You know who else screwed in a light bulb?
Uncle Fester?
An undetermined number of your favorite minority?
Andy Warhol?
Edison?
If you are referring to the Polack, my understanding is that he is still putting his strategy together.
Male pigs have a corkscrew-shaped penis. There are lots of pigs in Iowa. Steve King is from Iowa. Steve King says "I screw it in there and smile." Steve King is a pig.
You should join the debates!
I didn't watch that stupid vid but if he used his sexytime voice while talking like that I bet half that closeted queen crowd blew a load in their new H&M's.
Even as the women blew lunch into their handbags.
A three minute shower? Probably as much time as it takes him to get off watching gay pron.
Yo Steve, why don't you shove a fluorescent tube up there and see if you're still smiling?
Jackass.
Steve King is lighting up huge parts of America — just like Mrs. O'Leary's cow.
Look Steve, if you really want to be true to the spirit of the Founding Fathers, hold the bulb with one hand and fly a kite in a lightning storm with the other.
I think he meant "libido", not "liberty".
Last one out, turn off the assholes…
I love my incandescent lightbulbs. I like the way they break if you so much as fart on them.
Sioux City has electricity? Wow ! Who knew!
REA.
Oh. I assumed he was talking about his hand-cannon and his sphincter?
TMI with the double-flushing, Steve!
Steve really needs to turn up his dimmer switch.
Did he just admit to breaking the law by shopping at the black market? Where's pepper-spray cop when you need him?
The 50's were the best days of Steve's life and he's not leaving.
Has he figured out how the little light in his refrigerator comes on yet?
He just leaves the fridge door open and laughs…
True Story:
When I moved into my house twenty years ago I became so frustrated with changing light bulbs of a century old design that I started putting the used ones in boxes up in the attic. I probably have a thousand of them up there. My plan was to send them all back to GE and say "these fuckers don't work. I want my money back." Or Plan B: make some kind of artwork of them. Like most things, i got bored with my dead bulb project and forgot about them for awhile. Just recently my friend, Joe the Electrician, is doing some work up in the attic and laughing his ass off. Oh yeah, those…..
I saw an article on line that showed how to make a vaporizer from a light bulb. It's possible there might be other uses, too, but, other than breaking them up and feeding the shards to the Palins, I can't think of one.
Glass shards and fetus brains — another great recipe from Cooking Light magazine.
Efficiency is for losers right Mr. King?
Steve's still pissed he can't get whale oil for his Argand lamps.
All he has to do is render Governor Christie…
Who's paying the electric bill in your Capitol office, Steve?
"Fiscal conservatism" indeed.
Thankfully he apparently sits around all day waiting for a bulb to fritz, so, you know, at least he's no longer on the House floor trying to legislate the loosely-capped, shaken jar of hornets that is his mind.
Wasting energy is a conservative value.
Drill, baby, drill.
If I want to waste taxpayer money by childishly refusing to use energy-efficient lightbulbs, that makes me more of an American, because if there's anything Americans define themselves by, it's being childish and wasteful.
His next campaign slogan: Steve King's no dim bulb!
"The rules — authorized under a 2007 energy law signed by President George W. Bush — call for incandescent light bulbs to be 30 percent more energy efficient. They’re still slated to take effect Jan. 1, but the rider blocks funding for the Energy Department to enforce the rules through Sept. 30." I just bet he voted for that law too.
Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/70621.h...
Yeah Steve. You're pretty fucking safe in San Francisco. Unless you meant safe from being taken out by leather bears and beaten with bicycle chains. In which case, maybe not so safe. What with all the "nancys" who live there and all…
"Black market lightbulbs"???
I hate it when I have to drive all the way down to the ghetto, just to get a lightbulb…
Yeah, it's all smiles until he gets to the emergency room to get the damn thing removed.
Can't a man enjoy his damned hobby?!
http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/unclefester….
CPAC Byline
We Still Hold These
TruthsLightbulbs (gently between our buttcheeks)Steve- come back and talk "liberty" after you've fought and died for us. I'm looking forward to it!
Light bulbs. They're such a turn on.
get off my lawn, you stassis
ol' Steve is too smart for those Nazee bastids, he always has a spare bulb handy.
http://top10king.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/l...
Steve King: when ordinary crazy just isn't enough.
"I Screw It in There and Smile "
That's what his wife says about the strap on.
I live in this asshole's district. He used to be Other Iowans' problem. Now since the stupid 2010 Census, he'll be running for reelection in my remapped district. I've asked Christie Vilsack's campaign for a sign to stick in my yard, but maybe they think only insane moonbat wingnuts stick campaign signs in their lawn a year before the election? I'M VOTING FOR YOU ANYWAY, CHRISTIE!!!!
Give me lightbulb, or give me death.
I don't think I'll ever get over just how bitter, petty, hateful, vindictive and negative that thing is that the Republicans call a "party." Just about every stance they take is in some kind of petty opposition to something helpful, good, or innocuous at its very worst. You have to be awfully miserable, self-hating and misanthropic to willfully choose to indentify with that hate-group they call a party.
I can't really snark much on this. When you start getting pissy over fucking lightbulbs, you've already lost. They truly do hate civilization; they truly hate America, because America is country, and a country is what you get when a group of people decides to publically go in on cooperation.
They pushed the crazy so far that a rational discussion is impossible. Newt, Mitts, Frothy, King, and then they have to outdo each other. The only common thread, of course, is their hate of the blah guy and making sure that no one touches tax rates on the rich.
Scum like Phil Gramm, or Cheney, or any of a number of them make me physically sick. And when one recurs like Newt, peddling the same idiocy, it really is like pancreatic cancer coming back. And they never admit they are wrong, or worse yet, that progressive thought — from the Constitution to the EPA — is correct.
But, it is so good to see the book, Winner-Take-All Politics is in the ads here. As you may well know, I have been pushing this incredible work since I read it last month. We are not alone.
Free Tee Shirt Idea. Image: one incandescent bulb. Text: "Out Of My Cold, Dead Lamps!"
Still, Samwell could use more High Energy.
I'll Grant you that.
That's quite a serious charge.
But, I thought we were for domestic snark, and foreign, socialist Canadian snark is foreign and socialist.
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