CPACALYPSE  1:15 pm February 9, 2012

No One Told Us All These Conservatives Would Be At CPAC

by Jim Newell

Good news: They let us in! Bad News: They let us in. The Marriott Wardman Hotel & Conference Centre is much like a mall where you can’t find anything except the big anchor store, which is Mitch McConnell. But alas, after stepping over a few mass graves, we checked into CPAC for Wonkete.com. Jesus, even Cindy McCain knows there are two T’s.

Now we are going to cover conservatives or maybe get drunk alone at the bar, STAY TUNED.

Oh, here’s the red carpet to the Conservative Dating thingie. The hallway reeks of no-sex.

Now we’re listening to Andrew Breitbart rant about the Ocupados: “I hate these bastards,” he says. “I really hate these bastards.” He has a movie coming out about them! The trailer looked so-so.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 190 comments }

SheriffRoscoe February 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Yay, Wonkeet!

Harry_S_Truman February 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

That's Wankete, Sherf.

johnnymeatworth February 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I had a pet Wonkeet when I was a kid. That thing just bitched and bitched 24 hours a goddamn day.

BelleSC February 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

*SNORT*

glasspusher February 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Is that like "effete"?

bumfug February 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

It's the Reet Petite!

Texan_Bulldog February 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Jim, you left Gawker for this??? That Adrian Chen is probably laughing his ass off at you right now.

SheriffRoscoe February 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

They named a boy Adrian?

Texan_Bulldog February 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Yeah, I checked his profile.

MosesInvests February 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It's the English version of Hadrianus (Hadrian), the famously ghey Roman emperor.

deelzebub February 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Hadrian of Hadrian's Wall fame. He was wise enough to know that when dealing with the Scottish, it's best to just build a barricade and let those crazy bastards go about their business. You deal with way fewer headbutt-induced migraines that way.

Crank_Tango February 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

today, we are all…

BlueStateLibel February 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Conventioneers with mis-spelt name tags!

widestanceshakedown February 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Sexless losers smelling each other's farts and tweeting about it.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

appalled.

smokefilledroommate February 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

missing a 't'.

Devilette February 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

T. Ask Sarah to return it.

Nostrildamus February 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm

… thanking the Lord Almighty we are not Jim Newell.

PlanetWingNut February 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

discrete straight acting bi-curious men looking for m4m hookups at cpac?
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4m/284293

SorosBot February 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Maybe some of the gay Occupy DCers can take one for the team, sleep with some of the attendees and take pictures for the outing.

AddHomonym February 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

If he remains discrete, there will be no need to be discreet.

pechorintintin February 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Very discreet, with solid GOP credentials. http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4m/284368

lulzmonger February 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

… hoping Newell remembered to take along his Sweet Relief™ cyanide capsule.

UnholyMoses February 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The clinical crazy?

You're soaking in it!

SorosBot February 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Do be careful there, Jim; we don't you catching the rabies.

Tundra Grifter February 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

When you meet Meghan McCanns, have two for me!

actor212 February 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Yes, raise them high, Jim!

Guppy February 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I think she's a bit too pro-gay for that crowd.

arihaya February 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

are you sure you don't need false mustache and big glasses?

SayItWithWookies February 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I'd go with the pimp costume myself.

GOPCrusher February 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Wouldn't people mistake you for Herb Cain?

Isyaignert February 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Hahaha – Herb Cain – I'd forgotten about that one!

SayItWithWookies February 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

See if you can find the Spencer's Gifts and pick up some clever coffee mugs with naughty parts on them. That Mitch McConnell store is lame, and there's always someone at the door spritzing you with perfume.

GhostBuggy February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

That's what you get when you hire LIndsey Graham to work your cosmetics counter.

MissTaken February 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Do not, I repeat DO NOT go to wonkete.com

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

What? No buttsex?

Guppy February 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

She means this not in a "shock site" sense but in a "Nigerian scammer" sense.

EDIT: took the liberty of reporting them to both Google and Microsoft. Safari and Opera users are on their own.

orygoon February 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

"We still hold these truths" to a T, but only one.

GOPCrusher February 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Maybe Bible Spice can spare a "T"?

johnnyzhivago February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

If they serve shrimp, be sure they're from the Gulf of America.

V572 Flambé February 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

And if there's a mayonnaise-based sauce on them, steer clear entirely.

I'm talking about food poisoning. What'd you think I was talking about?

Sharkey February 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Mayonnaise tastes bad.

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

You should try the BP dipping sauce. Tastes like Detroit!

PsycWench February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Watch out for that guy who felt up Riley last time.

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Remember, Jim, that should you get parched, there are plenty of oases where you can refresh with the blood of fawns.

mrpuma2u February 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Fawns?!?!? Those aren't endangered. Go for the spotted owl buffalo wings, or the chilled desert tortoise eggs. Splurge Jim!!!

DerrickWildcat February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

This is how Hitler started WWII!

Lucidamente1 February 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm

"Wonkete": it's French, bitch.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Yeah, they just left that little accent mark off the e. Wonketè.

glasspusher February 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

That would be a grave mistake.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I see what you did there…

Generation[redacted] February 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Le petit wank

Goonemeritus February 9, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Proof positive that true evil plans are rarely hatched in hollowed out volcanoes. In real life the dominant venue is a Marriot.

ShaveTheWhales February 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Welcome to my subatmospheric Mormon lair.

Clancy_Pants February 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Hope you're vaccinated!

ChernobylSoup February 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

They vaccinate for stupid?

Veritas78 February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Suggestion: leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a fast exit? Or a drizzle of lube.

PsycWench February 9, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Nah, the drizzle of lube would intersect with numerous other such drizzles, and no breadcrumbs would last long after Rush Limbaugh got there. GPS all the way…science works, bitches!

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

The CPAC wizards have put the entire hotel under an anti-science forcefield. The only way he can get out now is to slay the Malkinotaur.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

"Malkinotaur."

Laughing hard now. I need more upfists.

Radiotherapy February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

T

Joshua Norton February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Geez, Newell. Flashing your "Wonket(t)e" bona fides around like that. A bullseye painted on your back would have been less obvious.

DaRooster February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Or look out for the "Kick Me" sign… you know how wonderful those childish pranks are.

ThundercatHo February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'm sure you meant surveyor's mark.

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

maybe get drunk alone at the bar

You may get drunk, but you definitely won't be alone. The bar is the hunting ground of the Great White Neckbeard.

Texan_Bulldog February 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Watch out for Callista, Jim. Newt's boyish charm (aka being naked) is long gone & even all of those Tiffany baubles cannot assuage her need for the comfort of a pair of strong arms that don't smell like moth balls and Ben Gay.

Callyson February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

''Wonkete'' is en Amirican onlene magazene of topical satier adn political gosip, edited bi Kenn Laine sicne 2006. Estalbished iin 2004 bi Gawkir Media adn foundeng editor Ena Marie Coks, it details teh goengs-on of teh political establishmennt iin Washengton, DC adn teh U.S. http://www.wikipeetia.org/Wonkete
The grammar here is better than that of some of the trolls who infest HuffyPo…

Neoyorquino February 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

When I read your post, in my mind it came out sounding like Sarah Palin.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The one less "t" is for lower taxes!

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Whatever they may say, whatever you may hear or overhear, know this: It's all a bunch of bullshit.

Chichikovovich February 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Especially if they preface it with "OK, I'm just going to cut through all the bullshit…"

IncenseDebate February 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Hotel and Conference Center nookie is the hottest.

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

So THAT'S why Michele only has one L.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

It can't be any worse than that Amway convention I accidentally stumbled into up in Portland all those years ago. Or maybe it can.

actor212 February 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

The halftime entertainment at CPAC is Nickelback.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Years ago, I used to host a monthly indoor model airplane event. Yes…we were geeks. However, during one session a group of Amway-ers stumbled in during the last hour of our time at the armory…asking us to move since they had to set up for their "convention" the next day. We explained that we had the place 'til 9 and we would leave at that time. Pushy fuckers. We graciously said they they could use the stage as long as they didn't bug us. With a hurrumph, they set about "decorating" the stage with aluminum foil…actual aluminum foil…and it wasn't even Reynolds Wrap either, it was a store brand that was thin enough to be nearly translucent. Things came to a head when one of their people wandered out into the arena proper and tried to swat a model that startled her.

This has nothing to do with the what we're talking about other than I had an Amway story.

I have more.

dumb fuckers.

This is the kind of stuff we would fly;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVdoF4VbCFQ

Nothingisamiss February 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I had a nice time with that little story. Refreshing.

Back to the snark.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

It was fun…but I don't fly anymore because the folks I hung out with all lost their minds when a black man was running for and eventually won the presidency. It's was pretty scary. One minute we were all, "Nice flight, George" and the next it was like that Star Trek episode where all the beautiful women turned out to be hideous salt sucking fiends. "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my friends!?"

Nothingisamiss February 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I remember in astonishment one day saying to my friend, "You think Anita Hill was lying?!"

Where the fuck did this come from?!

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

What? Why? Why aluminum foil? To keep out the mind control rays of those Mary Kay bitches?

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Maybe the Amwayouts thought that Mary Kay wanted to test their products on them?

MissTaken February 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I'm going to the CPA12 conference this year, too! I'm extra giddy about the "Fair Value Measurements Workshop". See you there!

ThundercatHo February 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Is this a bra fitting workshop? Cuz I sure could use some better fitting bras.

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Oh look, they misspelled "worthly Wokette skum"!

Mumbletypeg February 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm

under the 'wonkete':

"We Still Hold These Truths…"

… still holding them hostage, amirite?

Joshua Norton February 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The hallway reeks of no-sex.

Does all this ass fat make my butt look big?

Harry_S_Truman February 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Good thing Jim Newele is there.

larryfinexx February 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

If you run into the Reverend Billy Graham, goose him for a laugh.

SorosBot February 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I believe conservative dating consists of the man giving the woman whore diamonds in exchange for missionary position sex in which only the man gets to orgasm.

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Or as Newt Gingrich spells it, "marriage."

Chichikovovich February 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

That used to be true. Conservative sex lives were revolutionized with the introduction of the first mistress-on-mogul blowjob, given by Marian Davies to William Randolph Hearst, in exchange for the home that is now the Santa Monica Annenberg Community Beach House.

She was a true pathfinder, unjustly neglected by historians. Except one.

Crank_Tango February 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

You say that like there is some other kind of sex…

actor212 February 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Really! I ought to sue CPAC for stalking me on a Friday.

BigDumbRedDog February 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I thought conservative dating consisted of the lady getting left alone at the table while her date gives anonymous blowjobs in the men's room.

SorosBot February 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That's conservative marriage.

elviouslyqueer February 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wait. Where's the Lemon Party booth?

FlownOver February 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

If you find it please do us all a favor and paint it blah.

Barrelhse February 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Where's the John Wilkes booth?

Harry_S_Truman February 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Hey, Jim, while you're there, can you pick me up some cool CPAC swag and a jar of Santorum?

DerrickWildcat February 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

In some of those fancier type Hotels you can get what is called a, "Continental" breakfast. They just give food away for free! The good ones even have waffles and hard boiled eggs! You have to get there really early before all of the other people get there and touch all of the foods.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"The good ones even have waffles and hard boiled eggs!"

Hampton Inn for the win!

ManchuCandidate February 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Jim, I want photos of you hanging out with a red faced bloated drunk Bitpart… basically a stock photo of Bitpart.

ThundercatHo February 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Jim, who's your (left) wing-man?

bureaucrap February 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Jim, they were doing you a favor, so you could hide your liberal bona fides behind the ostensible spelling error. If anyone asks, just say "Won-ke-Tay dot com" (the correct pronunciation) is a Chinese venture capital firm and you are their US representative.

MissTaken February 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Question!

Is the person wearing the acid wash jeans with no ass a man or a woman?

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

That has to be a woman. But either way, I wouldn't mind stapling a few teabags to that caboose if you get mah meaning, if you catch mah drift.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

It's a Thing-Fish.

EatFrankRich February 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

It's a Mammy Nun, with the nakkin on!

widestanceshakedown February 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It depends on how much you want to spend.

Crank_Tango February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Judging from the shoes, a woman. But in my neighborhood, that's not good enough to go by.

Sharkey February 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Some animals cannot be sexed.

CrunchyKnee February 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Answer!

Yes.

GOPCrusher February 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

It's Pat!

MozakiBlocks February 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

How long do we wait before sending in Seal Team Six to rescue you?

MissTaken February 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I'm sure our ginger knows the safe word is always Green Balloons.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"Oh, here’s the red carpet to the Conservative Dating thingie. The hallway reeks of no-sex."

Man, you should totally get one of those conservative chicks drunk and bang her and give her an unwanted child!!! Hahahahahaha!

orygoon February 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Don't forget the Groupon for the Abortionplex!

Crank_Tango February 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Isn't it illegal to abort a fetus for gingerness?

Chichikovovich February 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

[Insert obligatory "Rape is not funny" disclaimer here. And it certainly isn't. But as Cindy McCain observed, everything is funny on Wonkette.]

Conservative women are allowed to have abortions, as long as afterwards they tell Jesus they feel bad about it, and he forgives them. In fact, the course of action Baldar recommends would secure a comfortable wingnut-welfare income, giving 100 speeches a year at $20,000 a pop, describing in extensive detail how crushing it is to know "I have murdered my baby" because of Planned Parenthood and Hollywood.

LesBontemps February 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Yeah but everyone knows teh Wonkete is all about assfucking, so no discount abortion necessary.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Remember, it's not rape if you use wine coolers.

mrpuma2u February 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Yelling "Surprise!" can also create some plausible deniability/air of consensuality.

bureaucrap February 9, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Remember to check craigslist for the hot m4m CPAC hookups.

PlanetWingNut February 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I already did: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4m/284293

someone's gonna get an email from me when i get home from work *bhaahhahahahaha*

bureaucrap February 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Remember to take lots of surreptitious pics for later use here and at TPM.

PlanetWingNut February 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Bureacrap…if i was in dc and had more than a little bit of money i so would set up a hotel hidden camera system in my room.

PlanetWingnut February 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm
PlanetWingNut February 9, 2012 at 5:07 pm
iburl February 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Breitbart is Hate.
Happy Valentine's Day!

YasserArraFeck February 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"Wonkete" – a bit like "Machete", just not as menacing

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Wonketè don't text blog!!

freakishlywrong February 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Benen said there were 5,500 registered..whatever the fuck these people are, and 1,000 press. So that's 1 press person for every 5 assholes. Have fun! (Netroots is covered like this as well).

Crank_Tango February 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

and knowing them, 80% of the press are assholes too. Or more.

Not_So_Much February 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I kind of like the European pronunciation of 'Wonkete'. Makes me feel all fancy and socialist.

revmatty February 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

According to the American Conservative website they'll be participating in several COSPLAY sessions.

Negligently_Joe February 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

CPAC: it's like the San Diego Comic Con of hate.

valthemus February 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Imagining Andrew Breitbart in a Sailor Moon outfit.

As I so often do.

(Heeeeeelp meeeeee.)

Redhead February 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Wait… is that a picture of Cain in the background, in the picture of the red carpet to dating shame?

HistoriCat February 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

He's just there in case any ladies are looking for a job.

Selfish_T February 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

John Bolton is going to pull so much tail in the CPAC Date Zone.

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I take it "tail" is literal here.

Chichikovovich February 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Free mustache rides, ladies!!

4TheTurnstiles February 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Wonkete…

Were they expecting Spaghett?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyh3C1xDT3Y

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Now we’re listening to Andrew Breitbart rant about the Ocupados: “I hate these bastards,” he says. “I really hate these bastards.”

RUN, JIM! DRINKY McNECKBEARD WANTS A HATE FUCK!

GOPCrusher February 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I'm sure if someone was to poll the Occupy protesters, the feeling would be mutual.

MiniMencken February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Carry a copy of the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" with you at all times. If you run into, say, Breitbart, ask him to autograph it. Then sell it on e-Bay. Then sell the story of how you did it to a magazine. You can thank me later, Jim.

iburl February 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Remember Jim, no matter what happens, do not tap your foot in the bathroom stall.

LesBontemps February 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"Wonkete," eh? Apparently the cutbacks have been more significant than we imagined.

barto February 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Oh c'mon, isn't that a condom wrapper peeking out of the planter there? Or is that left over from the Catholic Bishops convention last week…

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

As is bishops would use condoms.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Condom? Not likely. When you spend your time fucking little boys, you really don't need to worry about getting them pregnant. And if you give him a disease, the archbishop will just move you to another diocese.

actor212 February 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Wonkete: It's like concrete only less concretey

KeepFnThatChicken February 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

You really expected conservatives to spell right?

twoeightnine February 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I'd rather work for Wonskeet.com

ttommyunger February 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Better you than me, brave souls. Hope you are earning a shitload of moneez for this duty, no way would I pull it for any amount of cash. BTW, whoopee cushions are in order. What is life without laughter?

Biff February 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Note to Jim Newell: Any surplus Marriott Rewards points can be transferred to my account. Thanks in advance.

Pop_Socket February 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

So CPAC is basically a furry convention but with an American Revolution costume theme? I hope they smell better than actual furries.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

What's up with the font on the sign? Isn't that the same one rappers use for the "Thug4Life" tats on their bellies?

Fare la Volpe February 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

And the New York Times. Thugs love the Life&Style section.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Wait…the Tea Party is using the same font at heathen rappers AND the NYT?

I smell a conspiracy. I bet that display is a false flag tea party setup.

GOPCrusher February 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I've seen Mexicans using that same font for their tats, right above the Mexican flag.

Extemporanus February 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Dude, you are so getting laid this afternoon!

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

From the opening remarks at CPAC this morning (via Think Progress):

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has an interesting new recruiting strategy for conservatives. “Conservatives are simply more fun than liberals, and there is a reason for that,” he told the audience at the Conservative Political Action Conference this morning. “We’re always right.”

This just flat-out fucking beggars belief.

MissTaken February 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Conservative Comedy Gold!

CapnFatback February 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Waitaminute . . . does Mitch McConnell moonlight as conservative comic Brad Stine?

Oblios_Cap February 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

If only Yertyl would publish a collection of these pithy quotes in say, maybe, a little red book. Think of the money he could make at CPAC.

You should suggest it to him, Jim.

SorosBot February 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Yeah, sex-hating god-botherers are so much more fun than us.

Nostrildamus February 9, 2012 at 3:35 pm

“Conservatives are simply more fun than liberals, and there is a reason for that,”

What's not funny about turtles?

Negligently_Joe February 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Hey, Dave Weigel seems to be stealing our shtick, by posting the highlights of the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist, incident to CPAC.

Nothingisamiss February 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Thanks for the heads up.

DahBoner February 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Are you wearing your pipe-scented suspenders and fake Hasidic beard?

mrblifil February 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sweet treats, tweets, and retweets about teats without deletes from Wonkeets beating their meats in their seats who then beat a retreat.

Negligently_Joe February 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Pfffth. I've been calling this site Wonkete for years. Admittedly, though, that's mainly because of the previously-discussed illiteracy.

Tundra Grifter February 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm

To recycle a recent Comment – if Ms. McCanns shows up they'll have two!

Preacher_Griz February 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Hi Head Commentator Jim Newell-

What a coincidence! Or is it the Hand of God guiding you? Whatev.

I am at the Convention too!

Come by my booth: Dominionists for Tancredo…it is the real crowded one down aisle L. People at CPAC do LOVE their Rep Tom and peanut butter filled pretzels!!!

-RPTH
Award Winning Interblogger
Conservative Christian

Nostrildamus February 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I can't believe it's peanut butter.

Dashboard Buddha February 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Nothingisamiss said I should get back to the snark. Who am I to argue?

Found this headline: CPAC conservatives unite in opposition to Obama’s contraceptive rule

Isn't this kinda like when, in a group of babies, one starts crying and the rest join in?

slowhansolo February 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The free market will decide the number of Ts required.

chascates February 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Please wear Riley's top hat to give the impression you are one of the 1 percent!

40 or 50 % McShineys February 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Careful while you're there Mr. Newell.

You should carry an inflatable raft with you, in case a there is a car backfire, or door slam, or someone drops a glass. Because the subsequent pants-wetting will look a lot like that tsunami footage.

elburritodeluxe February 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Wonkete should have sent a girl to this just for the larfs.

lulzmonger February 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's only natural that Breitbart would hate OWS – hell hath no fury like a fat old camwhore upstaged.

otakuboyt February 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

heathenette February 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Let us know when you get home. I will worry about you, till I know you are safe.

BZ1 February 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm

the tea party ate one of the "t"s in wonkette.

mcrummett February 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Wonkete? Think of it as plausible deniability. "No, we're from that snarky, leftist Wonkette.com. We're from the completely unrelated wonkete!"

Sheesko February 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Work it, wonkers! Tip: the bourbon already has branch in it. Order yours straight up for maximum minimalism.

ghblowhard February 9, 2012 at 9:31 pm

It's times like this that makes me glad I'm a nun

fuflans February 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm

those is some large butts.

that is all.

MadBrahms February 10, 2012 at 12:48 am

Attention Tea Party: the New York times called. They want their font back.

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