Steve Holland, Democratic Representative of Mississippi, has embraced the latest trend of taunting the powers that be with a bill proposing renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America! H.B. 150 was introduced to Mississippi’s Marine Resources Committee this week, and it contains real words about why this is potentially actually happening (knowing Mississippi, which is a beacon of change). Fittingly, Holland doesn’t even mention the Gulf of Mexico BY NAME in ANY part of this bill, which is a mere 12 lines long. He, turning his head away in feigned disgust as he typed the words, trying hard to hold back his lunch, calls it “the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties.”
The bill amounts to:
For all official purposes within the State of Mississippi, the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties shall be known as the “Gulf of America.”
Now, Stephen Colbert proposed after the BP oil spill that no one would want the gulf anymore and we should at least rename it; “We break it, we buy it.” But the fear, loathing, bigotry, racism, isolationism, imperialism and OILism that this bill invokes might, frighteningly, sound like a GOOD IDEA to a hefty swath of America, just like Rick Santorum and his wackadoodle followers probably did not get and LOVED Senator Constance Johnson’s whole “sacred sperm” thing from a mere two days ago!
The bill proposes that the new name, which sadly would only be official in this one state (but there’s hope that Holland’s pioneering message will spread across the nation), will come into effect on July 1, 2012, i.e. right before Independence Day. Which is of course a celebration of being set free to do unto others as our dead and former king did unto us!
Update! Steve Holland is thrilled that his story has spread so far and wide, but also hopes that everyone gets that it’s a joke. Initially, hardly anyone in the media did, including us, because we are all apparently deep, deep cynics. [Best of New Orleans/ThinkProgress]
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Just rename it after Holland: The Gulf of Stupidity.
But unlike the real Gulf, Holland's Gulf of Stupidity seems to have no bottom.
Other proposed name changes: Natchez, Mississippi to Snotchos, Mississippi
I think "Gulf of Christ" is still available.
Nah, there's no gulf of stupidity in Mississippi. Stupidity is their main product.
It is only appropriate to rename the bill's sponsor Representative America.
Holland is an un-American canal-hell full of wooden-shod tulip-huggers.
Since "Loozyanna" and "Misss'ipuh" form "The Taint of America", maybe the body of water located beneath it should be called The Toilet Bowl (BP and Halliburton have been doing their best to crap in it also, too)
Look out, Hudson's Bay! You're next! And really…"Pacific" Ocean? Gimme a break.
Hey, it's like Stephen Colbert said LAST YEAR on his show, "We broke it, we bought it." Doofus prolly stole the idea from the Colbert report and is now trying to pass it off as his own.
Wayddaminnit, this guy's name is Steve Holland?
YURRUPEEN SOCIALIZM ALERT!
A pot-smoking, hooker-patronizing, monument to Jews and gays-having Yurropeen no less!
Yea! Where's that Amend-A-Bill legislator chick? She could offer an amendment changing his name to something more American like "Bag-o-dicks"…
Actually, I hear he already changed his name….. from the less snappy Steve The Netherlands.
Your move, Bay of Pigs.
Hey… Bay Of Americans
Six of one,…
Bay of Republican Presidential Candidates.
Bay of American Folly.
Bay of Gingrich
That's wherever Newt goes swimming, right?
Gulf of AMERICUH FUCK YEAAH!
No way! It should be renamed the Gulf of Reagan.*
(*Pursuant to the Everything New and Everything Re-Named Gets Named after Reagan Act.)
Because it's so shallow?
You would think so, but it's actually because the Gulf illegally sold arms to Iran.
I propose we rename taking a shit to "Reaganing".
Or:
"Excuse me, but I have to go take a Reagan."
Because the top is black and greasy?
Grecian Libel!
Holland does realize that America is named after an Italian.
Probably not.
"God Bless Vespucciland!"
Not only that: it is also a FEMINIZED version of Amerigo Vespucci's first name. Faggots.
so that's why the statue of liberty has an adam's apple
Ann Coulter is French??
What if Henry Hudson had been first to park here? United States of Henry anyone?
actually not that far fetched you see
King Charles I -> Carolinas
King George -> Georgia
Queen Mary -> Maryland
King James -> Dumbfuckistan
That doesn't matter because they also descended from the Caucus mountains. It is only those of dark hues that may not have land named after them.
THANK GODDDD Amerigo's last name was not Santorum !!!!
Clearly, this will confuse any Messicans who try to swim over from Cuba.
Did Holland get British Petroleum's permission?
~
We have the Russian River here in California because we're pinko commies.
We knew that.
Not to mention the People's Republic of Berkeley.
We prefer the term Baghdad By The Bay.
PRoB has a better logo, however.
People's Republic of Boulder LIBEL!!1!
People's Republic of Ann Arbor libel!!1!ONE!
Conch Republic Libel, FTW!!!!!
And wackadoodles, don't forget that.
Not to mention the fact that Ashville, NC, sits on the French Broad, who doesn't seem to mind.
I believe whackadoos is the correct term for Californians today.
True fact: It was spelled "Rushin' River" until Reagan changed the name
Then why did you give us Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan?
Because we actually hate America and try to sabotage it at every turn. Bwa ha ha!
You dirty filthy commie, I think you need a spanking!
You're right, I do!
REAGAN WAS NOT A CALIFORNIAN!
Neither was Arnold Schwarzenegger, but now you're stuck with them.
Not me, not now, anyway. I moved to Nevada when I wasn't able to convince enough other Californios to vote against the Darrell Issa-bankrolled recall of Governor Davis. I know, I know, out of the frying pan into the fire, but at least I'm poised on the border to move back when it becomes politically or financially advantageous for me to do so. And it's looking better all the time!
But you have an Amerrrkin River too, you true-blue patriots.
And at least three "Putah Creek"s.
Isn't "California" a Messican name?
Please let Mississippi and Alabama fight over naming rights, with guns.
"America?" Yes it's patriotic but still sounds a little Spanish. I propose "Gulf of NASCAR, brought to you by Chevron." or something to that effect…
Charging corporate behemoths a metric s**tload of annual fees, to rename geographic features in their name? Hmmm… tell me more…
Gulf of American brought to you by Carl's Jr. "Fuck you! I'm eating!"
Vespucciland, Vespucciland, God shed his grace on thee!
Let's just call it the Gulf of Petroleum, for teh truth in advertising-ness.
I propose renaming Mississippi the sweaty armpit of America.
What do we rename Florida?
South Armpit of America.
Dickomerica.
American Limpdickistan.
America's Flaccid Wang, sponsored by Cialis™.
~
Soggydong of Amerrrica.
Gulf-related but a little further west, if they had to give the world an enema, they would stick the tube right in the Port Arthur-Beaumont-Houston triangle.
Janis Joplin would agree.
Janis would probably blow them, whether they were handsome or not.
And keep the limo waiting….
They better drive that tube all the way to Shreveport than Biloxi. Good gawd does that state have some lousy-ass cities save one.
Why not just call all the old Confederate states "Wal-Mart" and be done with it?
We can add in Texas and Arizona. Call 'em New Wal-Mart
Murka's Taint?
The great state of Santorum in convention proudly casts its delegate votes for….
And Canada should be renamed "North America." Wait…
Clearly a single US state should have the power to rename an international body of water on its own; clearly.
Commonwealth Libel!
STATES' RIGHTS!
The Kleagle Sea? A Mississippi tradition.
Are you referring to the Great State of Kluxiana?
Or the vaginal exercises?
Does this mean we have to call all Mexicans "Americans" from now on?
As long as they stay on that side of the line.
So in reality, what he's calling it is the Gulf of Amerigo Vespucci. Look it up, already.
Was he with Jesus when Jesus discovered America for white people?
They really don't have anything to do, do they? I guess life must be pretty good all around if this is the most pressing need.
Next up: "Be it enacted that Eddie Stanwood shall be officially known as Mississippi Employee of the Month for his outstanding work in greeting legislators at the reception desk each morning."
It's a Republican government. So, it does what?
That's right.
Well, they don't have issues with education, dentistry, or family planning that they have to worry about.
How about the Gulf of Common Sense, since that's what shit like this constantly reminds me of.
"… this body of water which shall not be named …"
So let's call it the Gulf of Queers. That might help with tourism…no?
As long as they do their free-handed proctology exams in their taxed hotel rooms, and not on the beach, I'm sure Holland doesn't care.
Mister Dipshit realizes that "America" is not the actual name of the country in which he resides, right? No, he probably doesn't.
We could rename it "Gulf of the United States," which would work fine as long as no one remembers that the actual name of the country of Mexico also contains the words "United States."
Preferred, thanks for getting your geek out for everyone to see. That is the most common mistake made by Los Americanos.
Atlantic ocean = East American Ocean
Pacific ocean = West American Ocean
Indian ocean = Native American Ocean
Also, I reside in Amerington State, not to be confused with Amerington D.C.
Greetings from the great state of Americado (two states east of Americada and just north of New America). I was born in the costal state of Guacamole but resettled to Americado in the 70s.
You forgot the Palin Ocean up north.
Wait till this guy finds out that "America" is named after a pasta-swilling wop guido.
ETA: Amazing how many posts can be posted twixt the crouch and the leap.
Please, we prefer "garlic-loving dago greaseballs."
And what about the Caribbean Sea? Shouldn't that be called the American Bean Sea?
That made me giggle.
Gulf of Texaco, maybe.
Mississippi should change it's own name to Missus Wee-wee, which is what it means in Native Murkin.
Someone on the bottom of the stack here, you or maybe you — please let out a big chipotle-flavored/ refried-bean-gargled *BUUUURGP!* to send this Yertle-monster's oversized ego hurtling from its too-high perch of preciousness atop us lesser (saner) turtles.
He's a DEMOCRAT!!??
(Hangs head in shame.)
They've got a really low bar in Mississippi.
No. Shit.
Is he a real Democrat or is this another example of a Fox News labeling "error"?
Just because they're wearing a "D" on their uniform doesn't mean they're the good guy. And in this case, it doesn't even mean the "slightly less repugnant guy".
He's a SOUTHERN Democrat….a testament to Republican confusion……
Who makes this stuff up?
This is important work. He should be paid more, and face fewer demands on his time.
It is telling that, with everything else wrong in the world today, he picks this one. Wonder what he sees as the next biggest issue?
“the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties.”
He wants us to clean up after our dog?
If he really wanted to get the tourists flocking, he should propose that they rename it the Gulf of Biloxi Casinos.
When I lived in Canada I asked what Canadians called American cheese, I was informed it was called crap cheese. Similarly I doubt any new national branding will work here retaliation will inevitably arise when all Mexican maps relabel the USA as North Mexico.
When I was in Montreal I tried to get some "Canadian Bacon" and I was told to fuck off
Based on the "abundance" of marine life thanks to BP Horizon then I would think if the name wasn't already taken then Billy Jim Bob should have called it the Dead Sea.
He's celebrating White History Month.
More like 'White Trash History Month'.
The Reagan Sea?
A local douchebag tried to rename our Mt. Diablo after Reagan. It failed miserably, just like Reagan.
http://blog.sfgate.com/scavenger/2010/01/28/the-b…
Facepalm. That's an even worse idea than changing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to just the Rays. Religious nuts are stupid.
Oh for fuck's sake. Although Clayton and certain neighborhoods of Concord are definitely reaganite strongholds…
I'm very glad it failed because spending my mornings waiting for BART looking at Ronald Reagan's tip would be all kinds of wrong.
Your move, Susana Martinez.
And french fries should be called American fries. Let's trot that one out a few more times.
But then what do you call American fries?
Hash?
Not to mention the fact that Missipians can't be messing around with Chevrolets any more (very French) or even Chevron (French again). And they'd have to find a different word for Alkali (very, very Islamist), not to mention pajamas, bazaar, and so on……until they finally come to the question of whether can use numerals at all (damn Islamists again)!
After this bill passes, he's going to introduce a bill to build the Holland Tunnel between Mississippi and Americuba.
Dear Mr. Holland
You apparently didn't get the message that the racist Dixiecrats became Republicans after the Civil Rights Act.
We request that you please change your party affiliation accordingly.
Sincerely,
Actual liberals
P.S. After you're done with that, please eat a bag of salted rat dicks.
I believe Mr. Holland is engaging in the literary technique known as satire
Seems complicated. Why don't we just name it 'Steve'?
Good stuff there. Simple…..Gooood!
And rename the Caribbean "Adam"?
Catchy, yes. But it really should renamed "Sphincter," if nothing else but for newscaster lulz. To wit: "Today's massive oil spill threatened to release millions of gallons of crude into the Sphincter." "We're tracking a massive category 5 hurricane moving northward through the Sphincter before making landfall in Gulfport."
They're only going to have to change it again, to "The Gulf of Reagania", if Mitt gets elected. Of course, if Santorum gets elected, it will be "The Gulf of Jesusland and Fetuses."
Sell the naming rights: "Mississippi's Toilet, Brought to you by The American Standard"
And the state of "New Mexico" would be "New America"?
In the immortal words of Homer Simpson's writers: "You mean there's a NEW Mexico?"
Is that anywhere near Old Europe?
I'm down. It's better than either "Little West Texas" or "the place where the weatherman's ass is"
Sea of Cortez BEEEEEATCHES!!!!!!
(Wrong gulf)
also known as
Gulf of California. See that was the relevance.
Why do they do this crap??? Are freedom fries going to be the official seafood of the Gulf of America? If this passes, can we force Mississippi to secede again, maybe taking Alabama and South Carolina with them?
That way we can blame them Mexicans for the oil spill and we will have a clean record in our gulf.
That's some weird scale on that map. There's no way that I-10 from Houston to San Antonio is that bendy. And Florida hasn't been that skinny in years. Gerardus Mercator is spinning in his grave.
Wait until someone tells him there's a new Mexico too.
How about the Gulf of Ignorant, Toofless Pigfuckers?
Like Homer Simpson, we should refer to Canada as "America, Junior." Perhaps under a Gingrich Administration that will come to pass. The question is: First or second term?
No, No, No. Gingrich is going to be Moon President, and rename the Moon, "New Americearth"
OK, OK, let's calm down here. According to one of his constituents, Mr. Holland's Opus is most likely snark. Sorta like Constance Johnson's anti-money-shot amendment.
Unfortunately, Holland seems to have run afoul of Poe's Law.
That would be awesome if it's true. A Mississippi legislator who actively seeds Wonkette articles.
For truth in advertising, take a walk on any Gulf beach; they should rename it "Gulf of Tampon Applicators, Six-Pack Rings, Tarballs, and Portuguese Man-o'-War."
Portuguese Man-o'-War should be renamed "American awfully painful Jellyfish".
That'd show those Brazilians AND their stupid wax!
Mr. Holland's Opus.
Has anyone alerted Billy O' Reilly of this fanatical-fallacy yet? In case he's still feeling like holding things up to the harsh light of scrutiny, for logic-holes and self-absolving exceptionalisms. I'm no different than Bill when it comes to cleaning house — or perhaps just my tote bag. Easy enough to ignore the baggage as it mingles with garbage, wrappers, orange peels, old receipts — which get confused w/ things that are actually worthwhile to have handy. Then after so long willfully overlooking the dreck comes the day you stick in your thumb and pull out a plumb-dumb stray-something that doesn't belong — and suddenly Bill wants to upturn the whole bag and shake its contents and go, "See? "See!"
Yeah, this misbalanced, misbegotten effort of Holland's is one of those times but O'Reilly probably has tired of remaking his image for one day & is back to lighting his farts on fire, etc.
Mr., uh, Holland, is it? Hmmm. Somebody call ICE.
The new textbooks may trip up any college-bound* Mississippi when they take the SATs.
_______________________
* should that occur
Uh, ok. We'll call the Gulf of Mexico "Gulf of America", and you call civil unions "marriages". Deal?
I'm renaming Mississippi "Redneckistan."
Dumbfukistan
I say we keep it close and go with Mississippistan. Either that, or just plain "Taint".
Yes… and let's rename Canada… America's Top Hat while we're at it.
"will come into effect on July 1, 2012"
a/k/a Canada Day
In other news, the Persian Gulf will now be referred to as "Freedom Gulf."
goddamn it. Lets take the French out of Grand Tetons and rename those mountains “America’s Big Tits.”
ameri-ass.
does this mean we get pirates? i would be totally cool with pirates.
Pittsburgh would disagree with you.
Whaaaaat? The Mexicans have illegally immigrated a body of water to 'Merika! The nerve of those bastards! I think we ought to rename it the Gulf of Tonkin, that was about as big a fail as this dipshits bill.
This is all well and good, but how do I get this girlfriend your website is offering me?
He is re-naming it after a Spaniard–must have been bribed with a big bag of gold Amerigos.
I have the Gulf of Maine right down the street from me. Suck it Canadian Maritimes, Masschusettes, and New Hampshire.
I always think of this whenever Mississippi is mentioned, though she was never on duty when I've crossed into that backwards, backwoods state.
NSFW, duh.
This is why the natives didn't want us to stay.
I'm assuming here that Mr Holland and the Mississippi legislature has absolutely NOTHING else on its plate right now. No other pressing matters of just the slightest import?
So what the hey….! Why not. Me thinks this smacks of money well spent!
One question though. What if New Mexico wants to change its name to something more Merikan?
Oh, they have plenty to do…right now they're trying to pass that Personhood stuff that we said NO to in November.
I debate with myself daily whether to stick it out in my homestate and change things, or if I should give up and move.
For an encore, Holland will want to change the name Jackson, MS to New Amsterdam, dig canals and make everybody ride bicycles.
They were with you 'til you brought up the bicycles. That's just too damned socialist.
Well, duh. It's easier than renaming the country 'United States of Gulf'.
Mr. Holland,
Oh, piss
off.
Leave dem swimps alone, boy.
This bill might make sense if it was proposed by Rep. Steve AMERICA (R-Fuck Yeah!).
Rename Misissippi (stupid indians) to Missineducation.
There's already a Gulf of America – it's the yawning gap between the 1% and the rest of us.
…and no more speaking English, it's Amerikan, Goddammitt!
According to the Houston Chronicle's reporting, this is indeed legislative snark:
http://www.chron.com/news/article/Bill-renames-Gu…
"Holland, D-Plantersville, says the measure aims to mock anti-immigrant legislation that he finds mean-spirited and insignificant."
Poe's Law, indeed. It appears that teh Wonkettz haz bit on this one.
Forgive us. We are talking about Mississippi, after all. I'd have been surprised to learn that this hadn't already been proposed.
If he was a REAL patriot, this Islamo-Fascist, Ultra-Leftist, gay America-hater would have changed his name to Steve U.S. America
I had that idea a long time ago. I had ideas a long time ago that Conservative Christian leaders are finally getting. That is the lot of the Prophet, I guess
http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/time-t…
Folks, it's a joke:
http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Gulf-of-America-…
"Holland, D-Plantersville, said the measure aims to mock anti-immigrant legislation that he finds mean-spirited and insignificant."
Too bad it will probably pass anyway.
We should just rename the whole world "America" and then Jesus would reappear.
A monumental, absolutely epic, display of All American stupidity.
Where is the Gulf of America? In education.
My Wonkette, Holland is making fun of the idiots he serves with. Not aping them, mocking them.
Holland for Prez.
And give us back the Gulf of California, Mexico!!!
Now therefore, the Mississippi River shall be known as the River of Idiot Legislators
idiots can be on either side of the aisle…
Mississippi is an Injun word. Change the name to Whitetown.
& bring me their finest women.
Putting too much vinegar on them there Freedom fries.
Is Mississippi a french word ?We will need to change it to Boondock.Wait thats filipino.Oh my,he's gonna be up late working on this one.
Gulf of Buttsecksico!
Wonkette and most of it's commentariat succumb to Poe's Law. Mr. Holland is apparently too subtle in his snark for even this crowd.
Late to the party, but I just want to say that the accompanying graphic is EPIC.
Fool me once, shame on me. Clearly too much of a cynic!
Well then, time to get out the paddle…
Hey. That's not a paddle.
And next, the oral sex
Even Meg Whitman admitted that California is better when Jerry Brown is Gov.
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