Mississippi Legislator Proposes Gulf of Mexico Be Renamed Gulf of America

where eagles soar...before inhaling noxious fumes and falling dead into an oily water-ish liquid

Steve Holland, Democratic Representative of Mississippi, has embraced the latest trend of taunting the powers that be with a bill proposing renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America! H.B. 150 was introduced to Mississippi’s Marine Resources Committee this week, and it contains real words about why this is potentially actually happening (knowing Mississippi, which is a beacon of change). Fittingly, Holland doesn’t even mention the Gulf of Mexico BY NAME in ANY part of this bill, which is a mere 12 lines long. He, turning his head away in feigned disgust as he typed the words, trying hard to hold back his lunch, calls it “the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties.”

The bill amounts to:

For all official purposes within the State of Mississippi, the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties shall be known as the “Gulf of America.”

Now, Stephen Colbert proposed after the BP oil spill that no one would want the gulf anymore and we should at least rename it; “We break it, we buy it.” But the fear, loathing, bigotry, racism, isolationism, imperialism and OILism that this bill invokes might, frighteningly, sound like a GOOD IDEA to a hefty swath of America, just like Rick Santorum and his wackadoodle followers probably did not get and LOVED Senator Constance Johnson’s whole “sacred sperm” thing from a mere two days ago!

The bill proposes that the new name, which sadly would only be official in this one state (but there’s hope that Holland’s pioneering message will spread across the nation), will come into effect on July 1, 2012, i.e. right before Independence Day. Which is of course a celebration of being set free to do unto others as our dead and former king did unto us!

Update! Steve Holland is thrilled that his story has spread so far and wide, but also hopes that everyone gets that it’s a joke. Initially, hardly anyone in the media did, including us, because we are all apparently deep, deep cynics. [Best of New Orleans/ThinkProgress]

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    1. YasserArraFeck

      Since "Loozyanna" and "Misss'ipuh" form "The Taint of America", maybe the body of water located beneath it should be called The Toilet Bowl (BP and Halliburton have been doing their best to crap in it also, too)

    1. mrpuma2u

      Hey, it's like Stephen Colbert said LAST YEAR on his show, "We broke it, we bought it." Doofus prolly stole the idea from the Colbert report and is now trying to pass it off as his own.

    1. actor212

      Yea! Where's that Amend-A-Bill legislator chick? She could offer an amendment changing his name to something more American like "Bag-o-dicks"…

  1. Harry_S_Truman

    No way! It should be renamed the Gulf of Reagan.*

    (*Pursuant to the Everything New and Everything Re-Named Gets Named after Reagan Act.)

        1. arihaya

          actually not that far fetched you see

          King Charles I -> Carolinas
          King George -> Georgia
          Queen Mary -> Maryland

    1. snoopyfan2010

      That doesn't matter because they also descended from the Caucus mountains. It is only those of dark hues that may not have land named after them.

          1. Biff

            Not me, not now, anyway. I moved to Nevada when I wasn't able to convince enough other Californios to vote against the Darrell Issa-bankrolled recall of Governor Davis. I know, I know, out of the frying pan into the fire, but at least I'm poised on the border to move back when it becomes politically or financially advantageous for me to do so. And it's looking better all the time!

    1. memzilla

      Charging corporate behemoths a metric s**tload of annual fees, to rename geographic features in their name? Hmmm… tell me more…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Gulf-related but a little further west, if they had to give the world an enema, they would stick the tube right in the Port Arthur-Beaumont-Houston triangle.

      1. Negropolis

        They better drive that tube all the way to Shreveport than Biloxi. Good gawd does that state have some lousy-ass cities save one.

  2. SorosBot

    Clearly a single US state should have the power to rename an international body of water on its own; clearly.

  3. Veritas78

    They really don't have anything to do, do they? I guess life must be pretty good all around if this is the most pressing need.

    1. JustPixelz

      Next up: "Be it enacted that Eddie Stanwood shall be officially known as Mississippi Employee of the Month for his outstanding work in greeting legislators at the reception desk each morning."

    2. GOPCrusher

      Well, they don't have issues with education, dentistry, or family planning that they have to worry about.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    How about the Gulf of Common Sense, since that's what shit like this constantly reminds me of.

  5. Ruhe

    "… this body of water which shall not be named …"

    So let's call it the Gulf of Queers. That might help with tourism…no?

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      As long as they do their free-handed proctology exams in their taxed hotel rooms, and not on the beach, I'm sure Holland doesn't care.

  6. Preferred Customer

    Mister Dipshit realizes that "America" is not the actual name of the country in which he resides, right? No, he probably doesn't.

    We could rename it "Gulf of the United States," which would work fine as long as no one remembers that the actual name of the country of Mexico also contains the words "United States."

    1. snoopyfan2010

      Preferred, thanks for getting your geek out for everyone to see. That is the most common mistake made by Los Americanos.

  7. BigDumbRedDog

    Atlantic ocean = East American Ocean
    Pacific ocean = West American Ocean
    Indian ocean = Native American Ocean
    Also, I reside in Amerington State, not to be confused with Amerington D.C.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Greetings from the great state of Americado (two states east of Americada and just north of New America). I was born in the costal state of Guacamole but resettled to Americado in the 70s.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    Wait till this guy finds out that "America" is named after a pasta-swilling wop guido.

    ETA: Amazing how many posts can be posted twixt the crouch and the leap.

  9. paris biltong

    Mississippi should change it's own name to Missus Wee-wee, which is what it means in Native Murkin.

  10. Mumbletypeg

    Someone on the bottom of the stack here, you or maybe you — please let out a big chipotle-flavored/ refried-bean-gargled *BUUUURGP!* to send this Yertle-monster's oversized ego hurtling from its too-high perch of preciousness atop us lesser (saner) turtles.

    1. Respitetini

      Just because they're wearing a "D" on their uniform doesn't mean they're the good guy. And in this case, it doesn't even mean the "slightly less repugnant guy".

  11. proudgrampa

    It is telling that, with everything else wrong in the world today, he picks this one. Wonder what he sees as the next biggest issue?

  12. James Michael Curley

    “the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties.”
    He wants us to clean up after our dog?

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    If he really wanted to get the tourists flocking, he should propose that they rename it the Gulf of Biloxi Casinos.

  14. Goonemeritus

    When I lived in Canada I asked what Canadians called American cheese, I was informed it was called crap cheese. Similarly I doubt any new national branding will work here retaliation will inevitably arise when all Mexican maps relabel the USA as North Mexico.

      1. SorosBot

        Facepalm. That's an even worse idea than changing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to just the Rays. Religious nuts are stupid.

      2. Biff

        Oh for fuck's sake. Although Clayton and certain neighborhoods of Concord are definitely reaganite strongholds…

        1. MissTaken

          I'm very glad it failed because spending my mornings waiting for BART looking at Ronald Reagan's tip would be all kinds of wrong.

    1. justincasetoo

      Not to mention the fact that Missipians can't be messing around with Chevrolets any more (very French) or even Chevron (French again). And they'd have to find a different word for Alkali (very, very Islamist), not to mention pajamas, bazaar, and so on……until they finally come to the question of whether can use numerals at all (damn Islamists again)!

  15. flamingpdog

    After this bill passes, he's going to introduce a bill to build the Holland Tunnel between Mississippi and Americuba.

  16. UnholyMoses

    Dear Mr. Holland

    You apparently didn't get the message that the racist Dixiecrats became Republicans after the Civil Rights Act.

    We request that you please change your party affiliation accordingly.


    Actual liberals

    P.S. After you're done with that, please eat a bag of salted rat dicks.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Catchy, yes. But it really should renamed "Sphincter," if nothing else but for newscaster lulz. To wit: "Today's massive oil spill threatened to release millions of gallons of crude into the Sphincter." "We're tracking a massive category 5 hurricane moving northward through the Sphincter before making landfall in Gulfport."

  17. prommie

    They're only going to have to change it again, to "The Gulf of Reagania", if Mitt gets elected. Of course, if Santorum gets elected, it will be "The Gulf of Jesusland and Fetuses."

  18. bureaucrap

    And the state of "New Mexico" would be "New America"?

    In the immortal words of Homer Simpson's writers: "You mean there's a NEW Mexico?"

    1. not that Dewey

      I'm down. It's better than either "Little West Texas" or "the place where the weatherman's ass is"

  19. old_phineas

    Why do they do this crap??? Are freedom fries going to be the official seafood of the Gulf of America? If this passes, can we force Mississippi to secede again, maybe taking Alabama and South Carolina with them?

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    That's some weird scale on that map. There's no way that I-10 from Houston to San Antonio is that bendy. And Florida hasn't been that skinny in years. Gerardus Mercator is spinning in his grave.

  21. Rosie_Scenario

    Like Homer Simpson, we should refer to Canada as "America, Junior." Perhaps under a Gingrich Administration that will come to pass. The question is: First or second term?

  22. MosesInvests

    OK, OK, let's calm down here. According to one of his constituents, Mr. Holland's Opus is most likely snark. Sorta like Constance Johnson's anti-money-shot amendment.

    1. old_phineas

      That would be awesome if it's true. A Mississippi legislator who actively seeds Wonkette articles.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    For truth in advertising, take a walk on any Gulf beach; they should rename it "Gulf of Tampon Applicators, Six-Pack Rings, Tarballs, and Portuguese Man-o'-War."

    1. old_phineas

      Portuguese Man-o'-War should be renamed "American awfully painful Jellyfish".

      That'd show those Brazilians AND their stupid wax!

  24. Mumbletypeg

    Has anyone alerted Billy O' Reilly of this fanatical-fallacy yet? In case he's still feeling like holding things up to the harsh light of scrutiny, for logic-holes and self-absolving exceptionalisms. I'm no different than Bill when it comes to cleaning house — or perhaps just my tote bag. Easy enough to ignore the baggage as it mingles with garbage, wrappers, orange peels, old receipts — which get confused w/ things that are actually worthwhile to have handy. Then after so long willfully overlooking the dreck comes the day you stick in your thumb and pull out a plumb-dumb stray-something that doesn't belong — and suddenly Bill wants to upturn the whole bag and shake its contents and go, "See? "See!"
    Yeah, this misbalanced, misbegotten effort of Holland's is one of those times but O'Reilly probably has tired of remaking his image for one day & is back to lighting his farts on fire, etc.

  25. easytheresport

    Uh, ok. We'll call the Gulf of Mexico "Gulf of America", and you call civil unions "marriages". Deal?

  26. Guppy

    "will come into effect on July 1, 2012"

    a/k/a Canada Day

    In other news, the Persian Gulf will now be referred to as "Freedom Gulf."

  27. WhatTheHeck

    goddamn it. Lets take the French out of Grand Tetons and rename those mountains “America’s Big Tits.”

  28. hagajim

    Whaaaaat? The Mexicans have illegally immigrated a body of water to 'Merika! The nerve of those bastards! I think we ought to rename it the Gulf of Tonkin, that was about as big a fail as this dipshits bill.

  29. Dashboard Buddha

    I have the Gulf of Maine right down the street from me. Suck it Canadian Maritimes, Masschusettes, and New Hampshire.

  30. Biff

    I always think of this whenever Mississippi is mentioned, though she was never on duty when I've crossed into that backwards, backwoods state.
    NSFW, duh.

  31. sewollef

    I'm assuming here that Mr Holland and the Mississippi legislature has absolutely NOTHING else on its plate right now. No other pressing matters of just the slightest import?

    So what the hey….! Why not. Me thinks this smacks of money well spent!

    One question though. What if New Mexico wants to change its name to something more Merikan?

    1. ProgBelle

      Oh, they have plenty to do…right now they're trying to pass that Personhood stuff that we said NO to in November.

      I debate with myself daily whether to stick it out in my homestate and change things, or if I should give up and move.

  32. unclejeems

    For an encore, Holland will want to change the name Jackson, MS to New Amsterdam, dig canals and make everybody ride bicycles.

  33. YasserArraFeck

    There's already a Gulf of America – it's the yawning gap between the 1% and the rest of us.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      "Holland, D-Plantersville, says the measure aims to mock anti-immigrant legislation that he finds mean-spirited and insignificant."

      Poe's Law, indeed. It appears that teh Wonkettz haz bit on this one.

      1. Negropolis

        Forgive us. We are talking about Mississippi, after all. I'd have been surprised to learn that this hadn't already been proposed.

  34. elburritodeluxe

    If he was a REAL patriot, this Islamo-Fascist, Ultra-Leftist, gay America-hater would have changed his name to Steve U.S. America

  35. hey

    My Wonkette, Holland is making fun of the idiots he serves with. Not aping them, mocking them.
    Holland for Prez.

  36. EarthboneRebel

    Is Mississippi a french word ?We will need to change it to Boondock.Wait thats filipino.Oh my,he's gonna be up late working on this one.

  37. DocChaos

    Wonkette and most of it's commentariat succumb to Poe's Law. Mr. Holland is apparently too subtle in his snark for even this crowd.

Comments are closed.