Cum to me, WolfThe pussies (meant lovingly) (ehh) who run CNN have suspended a member of the network’s “Best Political Team on Television,” Roland Martin, the jovial ascot-wearing fellow who appears on television to play with David Gergen and Ari Fleischer on election nights. Did he kidnap Wolf Blitzer’s wife or something? No, we’ve all done that. He did, however, make Twitter jokes about a soccer player’s underpants during the Super Bowl. The gays are furious. He will now do penance and reform himself, in the hopes of returning to television as a classy figure like Erick Erickson.

Here are Martin’s inexcusable tweets about underpants, which gay-people group GLAAD believes “advocated for anti-gay violence.”

Your Wonkette certainly beat the crap out of its gay male cat after reading these tweets. But was he joking? He was probably joking about beating up people who enjoy David Beckham’s underpants, during the Super Bowl.

Let’s just call CNN racist and end this post. CNN is racist.


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  • nounverb911

    I thought only Anderson Cooper was allowed to tweet about Beckham's underoos.

  • You'd think he'd realized the joke wasn't funny after the first time he tweeted it. I do wish it would've been Wolf Blitzer who said it, thought…

    • chicken_thief

      Wolf's tweets are probably as boring as he is.

  • ghblowhard

    Animal abuse! Shame on you Wonkette. Your penance: send me DB's underwear. Thanks. What? A nun can look can't she.

    • Sister Caligula looks on in awe.

    • Guppy

      No sperm are harmed by female masturbation.

    • Sister Gilda-Marie Luftwaffe, is that you?

  • littlebigdaddy

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much, if you know what I mean.

    • If he really wanted to be controversial, he could have called football "Rugby for Girl Scouts".

  • Baconzgood

    I'd fuck the shit out of Beckham’s wife, Tight Ass Spice or what ever the crap her name is #intendedtobeaFACTUALstatment.

    • PlanetWingNut

      you take Victoria ill take her husband….its called swinging.

    • ttommyunger

      And we all know how fucking selective you are, Bacon…

    • You like 'em skeletal, I guess.

    • Sounds more like a FUCKTUAL statement to me.

    • Negropolis


      I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at "Tight Ass Spice", but the heart loves what it loves, as they say.

  • FakaktaSouth

    If a man in an ascot is making fun of your clothes, you should probably feel pretty good about yourself.

    • Baconzgood


    • When does Thurston Howell the Black get his FOX contract?

    • LabRodent

      There's this law in the hood that states "any brother wearing and/or purchasing an ascot shall be beaten by said brother who witnessed the transgression." (look it up its true)

      • I hope it is soon enacted in my neighbourhood so that I have the right to, and the unmitigated pleasure of, seizing said neck ornamentation and fluffing yon fellow's fat and jowly face with it till I'm satisfied. Anybody who wears that shit got no business criticizing anybody else's get-up.

  • MrFizzy

    At least we haven't been treated to photos of Roland in his underpants. Now that would be horrifying.

  • If he would've just threatened to shoot a census worker in the face, he might have received his own show.

    • GOPCrusher

      As long as it didn't involve sperm.

  • In related news, Anderson Copper just switched from Calvin Klein to H&M…

    • He switched teams? Again?

    • Negropolis

      Switched? But, it's not a choice, Chillwillard! You can't just switch, damnit!

  • chascates

    Isn't this the guy that writes all the editorials about values and such? Makes perfect sense then.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Tiny-dicked, ascot-wearing, on-the-DL motherfucker is tiny-dicked.

  • LabRodent

    The Gays do realize that he's on their Team.

  • BornInATrailer

    Wait. So you're telling me that tubby ascot-wearing bitch is, in fact, straight?

  • nounverb911

    Ex-Congresscritter Weiner's weiner is jealous.

  • Underwear are people too, my friend!

    • LabRodent

      and Magical too!

  • Baconzgood

    So much tighty whitey hate in the world. Can't we all just get along?

  • Yes, David Beckham, who crawls into bed and porks one of the hottest women on the planet each and every night despite all the temptations that Hollywood offers, is definitely, without a doubt, gay for doing so and wearing underwear.

  • His worst crime was being unfunny.

    Oh, SHIT.

  • LabRodent

    As a Black man I've learned that any of my friends who talk badly about gays are in fact gay and are trying to hide it from us. Never works we all know (Im looking at you Carl)

  • JackDempsey1

    Properly folded, an ascot can be worn as pair of underwear. It takes an advanced understanding of origami and monumental self-esteem.
    Mind where you place that clasp.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wasn't there a movie? I think it was called Bend Over Like Beckham? Didn't see it, myself.

    • Extemporanus

      Suspend it Like Beckham?

    • No, it was "Bended Like Beckham". He used to pump it into his goal with a wicked curve.

      • Negropolis

        LOL! That's what she said.

    • doloras

      No, that movie's about lesbians not gay men.

  • Joshua Norton

    Of course Roland missed the entire point and ended up laughing about the whole episode through bad teeth like the dog that he is…

    What? It's a joke.


  • I like to think that sign behind him reads, "Chillin', Yo!" even though I know it doesn't.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Bruhs"??? I thought is was "Bros". Or "Blahs"?

    • Brahs. Yeah, not 'bruhs'. He wears an ascot, so what do you want?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I thought "Brahs" was how the Mexican gangbangers spelled/pronounced it. I am so fucking confused.

        • And I thought it was a Hawaiian thing…
          (Oh, maybe that's Brudder.)

          Well, anyway, HE WEARS AN ASCOT, people!!

        • Hmm– apparently it's Hawaiian Pidgin? You learn something new everyday, even from urban dictionary.

    • Biff

      My Royal Hawaiian friends called me "Blahlah" back in the 70's, which is supposedly Pidgin for "Brother". They could've been jiving me too, though.

      • I wouldn't trust those bastards. Everybody knows them browns have a wicked fondness for jivin' y'all white folks.

        • Biff

          Yeah, I'm pretty sure they were ripping on me. I expect much the same treatment this weekend, when my construction crew shows up to build my new storage structures. I understand just enough Messican to know when they're fucking with me.

          • Especially them island-dwelling browns. They are the worst.

            Didja hear the (apocryphal, I'm sure) story about the Navajo sheepherder and the NASA crew?

          • Biff

            Sheep lie!

          • I'm not even gonna ask how you might know this.

  • Rollie's not switchin' from S&M to H&M? Not surprising then that the CNN whip is coming down.

  • SorosBot

    "Smack the ish out of him?" Um, what's an "ish"?

    • MissTaken

      It's homophobese for shit.

      • SorosBot

        Considering the ascot, I think it might be overcompensating-closetese.

      • Wouldn't that be "smack the swish" out of him?

    • BlackRhino

      He probably meant ash, it’s something blah people develop due to hard water or too many abortions.

      • Put on some lotion, bruh!

        • BlackRhino

          or sneak the wife’s coco butta

          • Negropolis

            I don't sneak nuh'in'. Cocoa butter is the ish, man.

      • Negropolis


    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's one of the ingredients of torumsan.

    • Baconzgood

      Well, I could be wrong, but I believe ish is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

    • I thought it was an overly-used suffix.

    • BarryOPotter

      Maybe he was humming Eric B and Rakim while thinking about gettin' Paid in Full:

      ♫Me and Eric B and a nice big plate of fish
      My favorite dish
      But without no money, it's just a ish(?)♫

    • GOPCrusher

      Ish is shit for lazy fuckers that can't type 4 letters.

    • Negropolis

      "Ish" is "shit" for the refined and discerning, gentleman homophobe. You wouldn't want to be vulgar while being (insert ist/ic). That would just be gauche.

    • Shellwith2Ls

      Ish is the blah people euphamism for shit.

  • Lucidamente1

    I see a new talk show, starring Rick Sanchez and Roland Martin, a rainbow coalition of Latin anti-Semitism and African American homophobia. With guest host, Pat Buchanan.

  • Limeylizzie

    Mrs. Victoria Beckham is hot? Jesus Christ , I find her so repulsive.

    • ph7

      Hot and repulsive are not mutually exclusive.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Ahhh…you've met my ex-wife?

      • Limeylizzie

        I don't think she is attractive in the slightest though.

        • Agreed. I do not wish to roger a bundle of sticks.

          • Limeylizzie

            No, but romping in a hayloft among some sticks would be excellent, non?

      • Negropolis

        Hence the term "hot mess."

        She's someone I know I shouldn't like, but I do. Way too skinny and trying way too hard and does the whole annoying Zoolander thing, but I don't think she's conventionally ugly. I think her problem is that she tries to hard. She looks extremely high maintenance, but every interview I've ever seen her in she manages to come across as humble and appreciative of her luck. Meh. I don't know. She leaves me confused.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      What the hell is up with her boobs?!

    • Baconzgood

      I think if she put on about 15 lbs she'd be pure TNT!

    • widestanceshakedown

      The most over-rated, over-exposed, over couple ever to not get over themselves.

      • Well, he's nice-looking, in my book. I mean, I'd do him.

    • Really.
      I've always thought Snotty Spice was too thin, too tan, and with the fakiest fake boobs ever.

      • And so this is repulsive…how, precisely?

    • GOPCrusher

      I was more of a Baby Spice kind of guy.

      • Limeylizzie

        I'm more an Old Spice kind of girl.

    • ttommyunger

      She is NOT a pretty woman. Having said that; I'd fuck her, but then you should see some of the women I've fucked.

    • Rotundo_

      Victoria is like most Lamborghini product: completely outlandish and ridiculous, but damn if it doesn't snap one's head around. The kind of woman you would never in your right mind want to be around for more than a few moments, but definitely the center of attention. She clearly is a product of cosmetic surgery overdose, though at least not on a Michael Jackson level of it.

    • Proving yet again that you are a woman of excellent taste. Mrs. Victoria Beckham reminds me of some sort of spiny lobster. Sharp, pointy, painful, and oh-so-treyf.

  • GregComlish

    In Rolands defense, I actually ran into Piers Morgan at H&M yesterday while he was buying the ish out of Beckham's designer underwear. And then I smacked the ish out of him.

  • chicken_thief

    "The pussies…"

    So we've manned up and abandoned this morning's ultra commie pc "wussy"? Fuckin' aye, my friends. Fuckin' aye!

    • prommie

      It was getting pretty fucking retarded, with all that faggoty "ohh, don't say the bad word, we're scared of the bad words" shit.

  • LabRodent

    Dont know whats worst, talking about the Gays or trying to sound like he's a down ass brother by using the word "bruh"

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      But, homes is wearing an Ascizzle, yo. Word up to your mothers!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Meanwhile, the CNN correspondent chick who said she'd have joined the Marines in pissing on the dead Taliban remains gainfully employed. Dude, you're a chick, you really aren't built for pissing on dead bodies; I've seen chicks try to piss standing up, and you probably would have pissed all over the marines anyway, had you tried.

    • chicken_thief

      But Roland is a blah lib and Dana is white conservative. And she has a vag.

  • Sue4466

    For a homophobe, he's pretty obsessed with a hot guy in his underwear.

    Paging Dr. Freud, line one.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I happened to catch that ad, and all I could think was "Dude has more tats than an NBA forward and a biker combined."

      • Sue4466

        My response was more "wow, look at the hot guy. tattoos? what tattoos?"

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Becks could do a good impersonation of the Illustrated Man if he could get 'em to move.

    • GOPCrusher


  • BarackMyWorld
    • at the end: "…and also the unemployment rate is coming down"
      Hannity: That wouldn't have happened either if Obama had his way, which can also be proven on tapes.

    • YasserArraFeck

      That flabby blowhard sack of shit would be amusing if so many of the potential electorate didn't hang on his words like they were gospel.

    • elviouslyqueer

      God, I want to punch that smarmy pathetic piece of hairpie square in the throat. Preferably with a piece of galvanized pipe.

      • In the nuts, hon. It's where he keeps his brain. Messing up his cumguzzler isn't worth the time.

    • Nostrildamus

      That level of delusion I've seen previously only at Conservapedia.

  • Indiepalin

    If Beckham was a republican, Roland Martin would not have been suspended.

  • meatlofer

    roland…roland ….roland…..shove it up his colon…..RAWHIDE!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Tighty whities are not hot. And my theory is that they did that ad campaign on a bet just to see if they could make those ridiculous things popular with adults. And I have no idea what an ish is.

  • LettucePrey

    Q: Why did David Beckham shave his head?
    A: Because someone told Posh Spice that sex would be better if she shaved her twat.

    Also, an ascot? That's ghey.

  • CapnFatback

    "I totally hope no one shops at H&M for my birthday. I might end up with David Beckham underwear, size XXL, lol. A beige pair and a blue pair would really suck balls." #HintHint

  • prommie

    Neither is that Pippa creature. She does not pass.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Maybe so, but when else can you climax by saying, "Pip, Pip, cheerio"?

    • At least that one has an arse on her. Mrs. Thing Wotsitstoes had tits that looked like knifeblades. Her entire being looks hard and spiky.

  • pinkocommi

    Ain't no Roland Martin going to H&M to buy some damn David Beckham underwear, because they don't come in XXXL. Just saying.

  • Baconzgood

    Roland. Wasn't he the drummer in Big Black?

    • BarryOPotter

      He sure as hell wasn't a ♫Steel Worker♫
      ♫Have you always hunted with your hands?
      If you catch it, can you ish it?♫

      • Baconzgood

        You can be my friend…

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      Songs about Ishing

  • coolhandnuke

    Roland the Headless Beckham Gunner.

    I miss Warren Zevon.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or maybe Roland the Jobless Beckham Gunner?

      Me too.

  • Callyson

    To: CNN Executives
    From: Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter
    Re: Hiring Policies
    Stop hiring idiots and assholes. That is all.

  • dijetlo

    I think the idea was to amusingly question the wisdom of advertising H&M underwear during the Super Bowl using the iconic image of a European Soccer Star by insulting the heterosexual carnality of soccer fans in general and this Piers Morgan human in particular. In hindsight, it was an ill-conceived idea poorly executed and the fact that said soccer star is banging a super model and Rolin Martin is probably banging a soiled sweat sock helps his case not at all.
    Still, if being unfunny was a reason to be banned from CNN, it's programming would consist of retired lingerie models in short skirts and high heels shifting uncomfortably on stools while doing their nails and glancing awkwardly at the camera interspersed with Go-Daddy and Teleflora commercials.
    Which is to say, better.

    • Go-Daddy

      I thought you said being unfunny got you banned from CNN, in this scenario?

  • Radiotherapy

    He should get Ari Fleischer to do damage control.

  • Eve8Apples

    I find ads featuring David Beckham in his undies very easy to masturbate to.

  • ThundercatHo

    Roland Martin, huh, didn't he used to have a comedy/variety show on TV a long time ago? Cuz that show was pretty funny. Sock it to me!

    • jus_wonderin

      You bet your bippie!

  • Extemporanus

    C'mon CNN, don't Martin's many pro-Boitano tweets count for anything?

  • SilverTsunami

    Two thoughts: "In the hopes of returning to television as a classy action figure like Eric Erickson."

    And, "Friends don't let friends tweet drunk."

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When will CNN learn? If you are going to compete with FOX News, you need to make your racist/homophobic/etc remarks explicit and stand by them!

  • bagofmice

    Wait wat wait! What does this mean for the pre-eminent Roland in journalism, a certain mister Hedley.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

  • neiltheblaze

    I disapprove of David Beckham's underpants too, and hereby demand he remove them immediately.

  • ttommyunger

    I googled: "jovial ascot-wearing fellow" and a picture of Liberace popped up.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Is "bruhs" another word for "blah guys"?

  • BZ1

    wait a second, someone is still watching CNN??

  • Negropolis

    This guy has always been an insufferable asshole, and to be quite honest, I rarely liked him anymore than I did Double E. He's so fucking obnoxious, I don't care if he's supposed to be on "our side." CNN has some particularly shitty pundits even as television political pundits go.

    We all know that Roland wants to suck David's dick something terrible and so very badly, right?

    • oiiii1

      haha… Martin upset the pussies at CNN and pussies chez Wonkette.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I did once, and it was a good show, except for the contingent that kept yelling "Do Werewolves!!" I figured that he should just open the show with that tune to keep those idiots quiet.

  • oiiii1

    haha… Martin upset the pussies at CNN and pussies chez Wonkette. Had no idea there are so many pussies around. We're drowning in pussy.

    dudes, don;t be so sensiteeeve. put on the pink pom poms and enjoy yourselves.

  • comrad_darkness

    That was an underwear ad? All I saw were the tattoos.

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