Member Of CNN’s ‘Best Political Team On Television’ Suspended For Tweeting About David Beckham’s Underpants

by Jim Newell

Cum to me, WolfThe pussies (meant lovingly) (ehh) who run CNN have suspended a member of the network’s “Best Political Team on Television,” Roland Martin, the jovial ascot-wearing fellow who appears on television to play with David Gergen and Ari Fleischer on election nights. Did he kidnap Wolf Blitzer’s wife or something? No, we’ve all done that. He did, however, make Twitter jokes about a soccer player’s underpants during the Super Bowl. The gays are furious. He will now do penance and reform himself, in the hopes of returning to television as a classy figure like Erick Erickson.

Here are Martin’s inexcusable tweets about underpants, which gay-people group GLAAD believes “advocated for anti-gay violence.”

Your Wonkette certainly beat the crap out of its gay male cat after reading these tweets. But was he joking? He was probably joking about beating up people who enjoy David Beckham’s underpants, during the Super Bowl.

Let’s just call CNN racist and end this post. CNN is racist.

[Mediaite]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 154 comments }

nounverb911 February 8, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I thought only Anderson Cooper was allowed to tweet about Beckham's underoos.

Numbat_Dundee February 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I'm confused. In Australia an "underoo" is a subordinate marsupial. What possible reason would Beckham have to possess such a thing?

jus_wonderin February 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Semi-related: Here in the states "bum" is something one does when they are out of smokes.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:47 pm

As long as they're not, you know, bumming a fag.

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:03 am

What about rogering a fanny?

Chillwillard February 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm

You'd think he'd realized the joke wasn't funny after the first time he tweeted it. I do wish it would've been Wolf Blitzer who said it, thought…

chicken_thief February 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Wolf's tweets are probably as boring as he is.

ghblowhard February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Animal abuse! Shame on you Wonkette. Your penance: send me DB's underwear. Thanks. What? A nun can look can't she.

weej_bain February 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Sister Caligula looks on in awe.

Guppy February 8, 2012 at 4:06 pm

No sperm are harmed by female masturbation.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Sister Gilda-Marie Luftwaffe, is that you?

littlebigdaddy February 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Methinks the lady doth protest too much, if you know what I mean.

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

If he really wanted to be controversial, he could have called football "Rugby for Girl Scouts".

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'd fuck the shit out of Beckham’s wife, Tight Ass Spice or what ever the crap her name is #intendedtobeaFACTUALstatment.

PlanetWingNut February 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

you take Victoria ill take her husband….its called swinging.

ttommyunger February 8, 2012 at 7:25 pm

And we all know how fucking selective you are, Bacon…

Chet Kincaid February 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm

You like 'em skeletal, I guess.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Sounds more like a FUCKTUAL statement to me.

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:10 am

ROTFLMAO!

I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at "Tight Ass Spice", but the heart loves what it loves, as they say.

FakaktaSouth February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

If a man in an ascot is making fun of your clothes, you should probably feel pretty good about yourself.

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm

FRED JONES LIBEL!!!!

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

When does Thurston Howell the Black get his FOX contract?

LabRodent February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

There's this law in the hood that states "any brother wearing and/or purchasing an ascot shall be beaten by said brother who witnessed the transgression." (look it up its true)

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I hope it is soon enacted in my neighbourhood so that I have the right to, and the unmitigated pleasure of, seizing said neck ornamentation and fluffing yon fellow's fat and jowly face with it till I'm satisfied. Anybody who wears that shit got no business criticizing anybody else's get-up.

MrFizzy February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

At least we haven't been treated to photos of Roland in his underpants. Now that would be horrifying.

Gratuitous World February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

If he would've just threatened to shoot a census worker in the face, he might have received his own show.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

As long as it didn't involve sperm.

Chillwillard February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

In related news, Anderson Copper just switched from Calvin Klein to H&M…

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He switched teams? Again?

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:11 am

Switched? But, it's not a choice, Chillwillard! You can't just switch, damnit!

chascates February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Isn't this the guy that writes all the editorials about values and such? Makes perfect sense then.

elviouslyqueer February 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Tiny-dicked, ascot-wearing, on-the-DL motherfucker is tiny-dicked.

LabRodent February 8, 2012 at 3:45 pm

The Gays do realize that he's on their Team.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Oh, helltotheyeah.

BornInATrailer February 8, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Wait. So you're telling me that tubby ascot-wearing bitch is, in fact, straight?

nounverb911 February 8, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Ex-Congresscritter Weiner's weiner is jealous.

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Underwear are people too, my friend!

LabRodent February 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

and Magical too!

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 3:47 pm

So much tighty whitey hate in the world. Can't we all just get along?

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Yes, David Beckham, who crawls into bed and porks one of the hottest women on the planet each and every night despite all the temptations that Hollywood offers, is definitely, without a doubt, gay for doing so and wearing underwear.

slowhansolo February 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm

His worst crime was being unfunny.

Oh, SHIT.

LabRodent February 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm

As a Black man I've learned that any of my friends who talk badly about gays are in fact gay and are trying to hide it from us. Never works we all know (Im looking at you Carl)

JackDempsey1 February 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Properly folded, an ascot can be worn as pair of underwear. It takes an advanced understanding of origami and monumental self-esteem.
Mind where you place that clasp.

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Wasn't there a movie? I think it was called Bend Over Like Beckham? Didn't see it, myself.

Extemporanus February 8, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Suspend it Like Beckham?

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 4:16 pm

No, it was "Bended Like Beckham". He used to pump it into his goal with a wicked curve.

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:16 am

LOL! That's what she said.

doloras February 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm

No, that movie's about lesbians not gay men.

Joshua Norton February 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Of course Roland missed the entire point and ended up laughing about the whole episode through bad teeth like the dog that he is…

What? It's a joke.

.

smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I like to think that sign behind him reads, "Chillin', Yo!" even though I know it doesn't.

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"Bruhs"??? I thought is was "Bros". Or "Blahs"?

smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Brahs. Yeah, not 'bruhs'. He wears an ascot, so what do you want?

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I thought "Brahs" was how the Mexican gangbangers spelled/pronounced it. I am so fucking confused.

DemmeFatale February 8, 2012 at 4:09 pm

And I thought it was a Hawaiian thing…
(Oh, maybe that's Brudder.)

Well, anyway, HE WEARS AN ASCOT, people!!

smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Hmm– apparently it's Hawaiian Pidgin? You learn something new everyday, even from urban dictionary.

Biff February 8, 2012 at 9:22 pm

My Royal Hawaiian friends called me "Blahlah" back in the 70's, which is supposedly Pidgin for "Brother". They could've been jiving me too, though.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I wouldn't trust those bastards. Everybody knows them browns have a wicked fondness for jivin' y'all white folks.

Biff February 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they were ripping on me. I expect much the same treatment this weekend, when my construction crew shows up to build my new storage structures. I understand just enough Messican to know when they're fucking with me.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Especially them island-dwelling browns. They are the worst.

Didja hear the (apocryphal, I'm sure) story about the Navajo sheepherder and the NASA crew?

weej_bain February 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Rollie's not switchin' from S&M to H&M? Not surprising then that the CNN whip is coming down.

SorosBot February 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"Smack the ish out of him?" Um, what's an "ish"?

MissTaken February 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

It's homophobese for shit.

SorosBot February 8, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Considering the ascot, I think it might be overcompensating-closetese.

smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Wouldn't that be "smack the swish" out of him?

BlackRhino February 8, 2012 at 3:59 pm

He probably meant ash, it’s something blah people develop due to hard water or too many abortions.

Chet Kincaid February 8, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Put on some lotion, bruh!

BlackRhino February 8, 2012 at 10:55 pm

or sneak the wife’s coco butta

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:19 am

I don't sneak nuh'in'. Cocoa butter is the ish, man.

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:18 am

LOL!

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 4:00 pm

It's one of the ingredients of torumsan.

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe ish is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I thought it was an overly-used suffix.

BarryOPotter February 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Maybe he was humming Eric B and Rakim while thinking about gettin' Paid in Full:

♫Me and Eric B and a nice big plate of fish
My favorite dish
But without no money, it's just a ish(?)♫

GOPCrusher February 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Ish is shit for lazy fuckers that can't type 4 letters.

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:20 am

"Ish" is "shit" for the refined and discerning, gentleman homophobe. You wouldn't want to be vulgar while being (insert ist/ic). That would just be gauche.

Shellwith2Ls February 9, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Ish is the blah people euphamism for shit.

Lucidamente1 February 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I see a new talk show, starring Rick Sanchez and Roland Martin, a rainbow coalition of Latin anti-Semitism and African American homophobia. With guest host, Pat Buchanan.

Limeylizzie February 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Mrs. Victoria Beckham is hot? Jesus Christ , I find her so repulsive.

ph7 February 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Hot and repulsive are not mutually exclusive.

Dashboard Buddha February 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Ahhh…you've met my ex-wife?

Limeylizzie February 8, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I don't think she is attractive in the slightest though.

Chet Kincaid February 8, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Agreed. I do not wish to roger a bundle of sticks.

Limeylizzie February 8, 2012 at 9:42 pm

No, but romping in a hayloft among some sticks would be excellent, non?

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 1:26 am

Hence the term "hot mess."

She's someone I know I shouldn't like, but I do. Way too skinny and trying way too hard and does the whole annoying Zoolander thing, but I don't think she's conventionally ugly. I think her problem is that she tries to hard. She looks extremely high maintenance, but every interview I've ever seen her in she manages to come across as humble and appreciative of her luck. Meh. I don't know. She leaves me confused.

Dashboard Buddha February 8, 2012 at 4:03 pm

What the hell is up with her boobs?!

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I think if she put on about 15 lbs she'd be pure TNT!

widestanceshakedown February 8, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The most over-rated, over-exposed, over couple ever to not get over themselves.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Well, he's nice-looking, in my book. I mean, I'd do him.

DemmeFatale February 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Really.
I've always thought Snotty Spice was too thin, too tan, and with the fakiest fake boobs ever.

actor212 February 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

And so this is repulsive…how, precisely?

GOPCrusher February 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I was more of a Baby Spice kind of guy.

Limeylizzie February 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I'm more an Old Spice kind of girl.

ttommyunger February 8, 2012 at 7:28 pm

She is NOT a pretty woman. Having said that; I'd fuck her, but then you should see some of the women I've fucked.

Rotundo_ February 8, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Victoria is like most Lamborghini product: completely outlandish and ridiculous, but damn if it doesn't snap one's head around. The kind of woman you would never in your right mind want to be around for more than a few moments, but definitely the center of attention. She clearly is a product of cosmetic surgery overdose, though at least not on a Michael Jackson level of it.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Proving yet again that you are a woman of excellent taste. Mrs. Victoria Beckham reminds me of some sort of spiny lobster. Sharp, pointy, painful, and oh-so-treyf.

GregComlish February 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

In Rolands defense, I actually ran into Piers Morgan at H&M yesterday while he was buying the ish out of Beckham's designer underwear. And then I smacked the ish out of him.

chicken_thief February 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

"The pussies…"

So we've manned up and abandoned this morning's ultra commie pc "wussy"? Fuckin' aye, my friends. Fuckin' aye!

prommie February 8, 2012 at 4:07 pm

It was getting pretty fucking retarded, with all that faggoty "ohh, don't say the bad word, we're scared of the bad words" shit.

LabRodent February 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Dont know whats worst, talking about the Gays or trying to sound like he's a down ass brother by using the word "bruh"

40 or 50 % McShineys February 8, 2012 at 7:17 pm

But, homes is wearing an Ascizzle, yo. Word up to your mothers!

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Meanwhile, the CNN correspondent chick who said she'd have joined the Marines in pissing on the dead Taliban remains gainfully employed. Dude, you're a chick, you really aren't built for pissing on dead bodies; I've seen chicks try to piss standing up, and you probably would have pissed all over the marines anyway, had you tried.

http://thinkprogress.org/alyssa/2012/02/08/421509

chicken_thief February 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

But Roland is a blah lib and Dana is white conservative. And she has a vag.

Sue4466 February 8, 2012 at 3:57 pm

For a homophobe, he's pretty obsessed with a hot guy in his underwear.

Paging Dr. Freud, line one.

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I happened to catch that ad, and all I could think was "Dude has more tats than an NBA forward and a biker combined."

Sue4466 February 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

My response was more "wow, look at the hot guy. tattoos? what tattoos?"

ShaveTheWhales February 8, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Becks could do a good impersonation of the Illustrated Man if he could get 'em to move.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

And HE'S WEARING AN ASCOT!

BarackMyWorld February 8, 2012 at 3:57 pm
smokefilledroommate February 8, 2012 at 4:06 pm

at the end: "…and also the unemployment rate is coming down"
Hannity: That wouldn't have happened either if Obama had his way, which can also be proven on tapes.

YasserArraFeck February 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

That flabby blowhard sack of shit would be amusing if so many of the potential electorate didn't hang on his words like they were gospel.

elviouslyqueer February 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

God, I want to punch that smarmy pathetic piece of hairpie square in the throat. Preferably with a piece of galvanized pipe.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:04 pm

In the nuts, hon. It's where he keeps his brain. Messing up his cumguzzler isn't worth the time.

Nostrildamus February 8, 2012 at 7:05 pm

That level of delusion I've seen previously only at Conservapedia.

Indiepalin February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

If Beckham was a republican, Roland Martin would not have been suspended.

meatlofer February 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

roland…roland ….roland…..shove it up his colon…..RAWHIDE!

SayItWithWookies February 8, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Tighty whities are not hot. And my theory is that they did that ad campaign on a bet just to see if they could make those ridiculous things popular with adults. And I have no idea what an ish is.

LettucePrey February 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Q: Why did David Beckham shave his head?
A: Because someone told Posh Spice that sex would be better if she shaved her twat.

Also, an ascot? That's ghey.

CapnFatback February 8, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"I totally hope no one shops at H&M for my birthday. I might end up with David Beckham underwear, size XXL, lol. A beige pair and a blue pair would really suck balls." #HintHint

prommie February 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Neither is that Pippa creature. She does not pass.

horsedreamer_1 February 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Maybe so, but when else can you climax by saying, "Pip, Pip, cheerio"?

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:00 pm

At least that one has an arse on her. Mrs. Thing Wotsitstoes had tits that looked like knifeblades. Her entire being looks hard and spiky.

pinkocommi February 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Ain't no Roland Martin going to H&M to buy some damn David Beckham underwear, because they don't come in XXXL. Just saying.

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Roland. Wasn't he the drummer in Big Black?

BarryOPotter February 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

He sure as hell wasn't a ♫Steel Worker♫
♫Have you always hunted with your hands?
If you catch it, can you ish it?♫

Baconzgood February 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm

You can be my friend…

40 or 50 % McShineys February 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Songs about Ishing

coolhandnuke February 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Roland the Headless Beckham Gunner.

I miss Warren Zevon.

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Or maybe Roland the Jobless Beckham Gunner?

Me too.

Callyson February 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm

To: CNN Executives
From: Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter
Re: Hiring Policies
Stop hiring idiots and assholes. That is all.

dijetlo February 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I think the idea was to amusingly question the wisdom of advertising H&M underwear during the Super Bowl using the iconic image of a European Soccer Star by insulting the heterosexual carnality of soccer fans in general and this Piers Morgan human in particular. In hindsight, it was an ill-conceived idea poorly executed and the fact that said soccer star is banging a super model and Rolin Martin is probably banging a soiled sweat sock helps his case not at all.
Still, if being unfunny was a reason to be banned from CNN, it's programming would consist of retired lingerie models in short skirts and high heels shifting uncomfortably on stools while doing their nails and glancing awkwardly at the camera interspersed with Go-Daddy and Teleflora commercials.
Which is to say, better.

Negligently_Joe February 8, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Go-Daddy

I thought you said being unfunny got you banned from CNN, in this scenario?

Radiotherapy February 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

He should get Ari Fleischer to do damage control.

Eve8Apples February 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I find ads featuring David Beckham in his undies very easy to masturbate to.

ThundercatHo February 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Roland Martin, huh, didn't he used to have a comedy/variety show on TV a long time ago? Cuz that show was pretty funny. Sock it to me!

jus_wonderin February 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You bet your bippie!

Extemporanus February 8, 2012 at 4:31 pm

C'mon CNN, don't Martin's many pro-Boitano tweets count for anything?

SilverTsunami February 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Two thoughts: "In the hopes of returning to television as a classy action figure like Eric Erickson."

And, "Friends don't let friends tweet drunk."

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm

When will CNN learn? If you are going to compete with FOX News, you need to make your racist/homophobic/etc remarks explicit and stand by them!

bagofmice February 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Wait wat wait! What does this mean for the pre-eminent Roland in journalism, a certain mister Hedley.

proudgrampa February 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake.

neiltheblaze February 8, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I disapprove of David Beckham's underpants too, and hereby demand he remove them immediately.

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Ahahaha. Yes.

ttommyunger February 8, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I googled: "jovial ascot-wearing fellow" and a picture of Liberace popped up.

elfgoldsackring February 8, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Is "bruhs" another word for "blah guys"?

BZ1 February 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

wait a second, someone is still watching CNN??

Negropolis February 9, 2012 at 12:57 am

This guy has always been an insufferable asshole, and to be quite honest, I rarely liked him anymore than I did Double E. He's so fucking obnoxious, I don't care if he's supposed to be on "our side." CNN has some particularly shitty pundits even as television political pundits go.

We all know that Roland wants to suck David's dick something terrible and so very badly, right?

oiiii1 February 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

haha… Martin upset the pussies at CNN and pussies chez Wonkette.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 8:49 am

I did once, and it was a good show, except for the contingent that kept yelling "Do Werewolves!!" I figured that he should just open the show with that tune to keep those idiots quiet.

oiiii1 February 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

haha… Martin upset the pussies at CNN and pussies chez Wonkette. Had no idea there are so many pussies around. We're drowning in pussy.

dudes, don;t be so sensiteeeve. put on the pink pom poms and enjoy yourselves.

comrad_darkness February 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

That was an underwear ad? All I saw were the tattoos.

Biff February 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Sheep lie!

MittBorg February 8, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I'm not even gonna ask how you might know this.

MittBorg February 9, 2012 at 1:09 am

*That's* an entirely different kettle of fish, young man!

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2012 at 8:45 am

Well, except in Britain, "fanny" refers to the lady's nether bits, so that would be straight, and we're talking Anderson Cooper here.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: