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Member Of CNN’s ‘Best Political Team On Television’ Suspended For Tweeting About David Beckham’s Underpants

Cum to me, WolfThe pussies (meant lovingly) (ehh) who run CNN have suspended a member of the network’s “Best Political Team on Television,” Roland Martin, the jovial ascot-wearing fellow who appears on television to play with David Gergen and Ari Fleischer on election nights. Did he kidnap Wolf Blitzer’s wife or something? No, we’ve all done that. He did, however, make Twitter jokes about a soccer player’s underpants during the Super Bowl. The gays are furious. He will now do penance and reform himself, in the hopes of returning to television as a classy figure like Erick Erickson.

Here are Martin’s inexcusable tweets about underpants, which gay-people group GLAAD believes “advocated for anti-gay violence.”

Your Wonkette certainly beat the crap out of its gay male cat after reading these tweets. But was he joking? He was probably joking about beating up people who enjoy David Beckham’s underpants, during the Super Bowl.

Let’s just call CNN racist and end this post. CNN is racist.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Numbat_Dundee

      I'm confused. In Australia an "underoo" is a subordinate marsupial. What possible reason would Beckham have to possess such a thing?

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            Well, except in Britain, "fanny" refers to the lady's nether bits, so that would be straight, and we're talking Anderson Cooper here.

  1. ghblowhard

    Animal abuse! Shame on you Wonkette. Your penance: send me DB's underwear. Thanks. What? A nun can look can't she.

  2. Baconzgood

    I'd fuck the shit out of Beckham’s wife, Tight Ass Spice or what ever the crap her name is #intendedtobeaFACTUALstatment.

    1. Negropolis


      I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at "Tight Ass Spice", but the heart loves what it loves, as they say.

  3. FakaktaSouth

    If a man in an ascot is making fun of your clothes, you should probably feel pretty good about yourself.

    1. LabRodent

      There's this law in the hood that states "any brother wearing and/or purchasing an ascot shall be beaten by said brother who witnessed the transgression." (look it up its true)

      1. MittBorg

        I hope it is soon enacted in my neighbourhood so that I have the right to, and the unmitigated pleasure of, seizing said neck ornamentation and fluffing yon fellow's fat and jowly face with it till I'm satisfied. Anybody who wears that shit got no business criticizing anybody else's get-up.

  4. MrFizzy

    At least we haven't been treated to photos of Roland in his underpants. Now that would be horrifying.

  5. chascates

    Isn't this the guy that writes all the editorials about values and such? Makes perfect sense then.

  6. actor212

    Yes, David Beckham, who crawls into bed and porks one of the hottest women on the planet each and every night despite all the temptations that Hollywood offers, is definitely, without a doubt, gay for doing so and wearing underwear.

  7. LabRodent

    As a Black man I've learned that any of my friends who talk badly about gays are in fact gay and are trying to hide it from us. Never works we all know (Im looking at you Carl)

  8. JackDempsey1

    Properly folded, an ascot can be worn as pair of underwear. It takes an advanced understanding of origami and monumental self-esteem.
    Mind where you place that clasp.

  9. Joshua Norton

    Of course Roland missed the entire point and ended up laughing about the whole episode through bad teeth like the dog that he is…

    What? It's a joke.


      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I thought "Brahs" was how the Mexican gangbangers spelled/pronounced it. I am so fucking confused.

    1. Biff

      My Royal Hawaiian friends called me "Blahlah" back in the 70's, which is supposedly Pidgin for "Brother". They could've been jiving me too, though.

        1. Biff

          Yeah, I'm pretty sure they were ripping on me. I expect much the same treatment this weekend, when my construction crew shows up to build my new storage structures. I understand just enough Messican to know when they're fucking with me.

          1. MittBorg

            Especially them island-dwelling browns. They are the worst.

            Didja hear the (apocryphal, I'm sure) story about the Navajo sheepherder and the NASA crew?

    1. BlackRhino

      He probably meant ash, it’s something blah people develop due to hard water or too many abortions.

    2. Baconzgood

      Well, I could be wrong, but I believe ish is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

    3. BarryOPotter

      Maybe he was humming Eric B and Rakim while thinking about gettin' Paid in Full:

      ♫Me and Eric B and a nice big plate of fish
      My favorite dish
      But without no money, it's just a ish(?)♫

    4. Negropolis

      "Ish" is "shit" for the refined and discerning, gentleman homophobe. You wouldn't want to be vulgar while being (insert ist/ic). That would just be gauche.

  10. Lucidamente1

    I see a new talk show, starring Rick Sanchez and Roland Martin, a rainbow coalition of Latin anti-Semitism and African American homophobia. With guest host, Pat Buchanan.

      1. Negropolis

        Hence the term "hot mess."

        She's someone I know I shouldn't like, but I do. Way too skinny and trying way too hard and does the whole annoying Zoolander thing, but I don't think she's conventionally ugly. I think her problem is that she tries to hard. She looks extremely high maintenance, but every interview I've ever seen her in she manages to come across as humble and appreciative of her luck. Meh. I don't know. She leaves me confused.

    1. ttommyunger

      She is NOT a pretty woman. Having said that; I'd fuck her, but then you should see some of the women I've fucked.

    2. Rotundo_

      Victoria is like most Lamborghini product: completely outlandish and ridiculous, but damn if it doesn't snap one's head around. The kind of woman you would never in your right mind want to be around for more than a few moments, but definitely the center of attention. She clearly is a product of cosmetic surgery overdose, though at least not on a Michael Jackson level of it.

    3. MittBorg

      Proving yet again that you are a woman of excellent taste. Mrs. Victoria Beckham reminds me of some sort of spiny lobster. Sharp, pointy, painful, and oh-so-treyf.

  11. GregComlish

    In Rolands defense, I actually ran into Piers Morgan at H&M yesterday while he was buying the ish out of Beckham's designer underwear. And then I smacked the ish out of him.

  12. chicken_thief

    "The pussies…"

    So we've manned up and abandoned this morning's ultra commie pc "wussy"? Fuckin' aye, my friends. Fuckin' aye!

    1. prommie

      It was getting pretty fucking retarded, with all that faggoty "ohh, don't say the bad word, we're scared of the bad words" shit.

  13. LabRodent

    Dont know whats worst, talking about the Gays or trying to sound like he's a down ass brother by using the word "bruh"

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Meanwhile, the CNN correspondent chick who said she'd have joined the Marines in pissing on the dead Taliban remains gainfully employed. Dude, you're a chick, you really aren't built for pissing on dead bodies; I've seen chicks try to piss standing up, and you probably would have pissed all over the marines anyway, had you tried.

  15. Sue4466

    For a homophobe, he's pretty obsessed with a hot guy in his underwear.

    Paging Dr. Freud, line one.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I happened to catch that ad, and all I could think was "Dude has more tats than an NBA forward and a biker combined."

    1. YasserArraFeck

      That flabby blowhard sack of shit would be amusing if so many of the potential electorate didn't hang on his words like they were gospel.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      God, I want to punch that smarmy pathetic piece of hairpie square in the throat. Preferably with a piece of galvanized pipe.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    Tighty whities are not hot. And my theory is that they did that ad campaign on a bet just to see if they could make those ridiculous things popular with adults. And I have no idea what an ish is.

  17. LettucePrey

    Q: Why did David Beckham shave his head?
    A: Because someone told Posh Spice that sex would be better if she shaved her twat.

    Also, an ascot? That's ghey.

  18. CapnFatback

    "I totally hope no one shops at H&M for my birthday. I might end up with David Beckham underwear, size XXL, lol. A beige pair and a blue pair would really suck balls." #HintHint

  19. pinkocommi

    Ain't no Roland Martin going to H&M to buy some damn David Beckham underwear, because they don't come in XXXL. Just saying.

    1. BarryOPotter

      He sure as hell wasn't a ♫Steel Worker♫
      ♫Have you always hunted with your hands?
      If you catch it, can you ish it?♫

  20. Callyson

    To: CNN Executives
    From: Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter
    Re: Hiring Policies
    Stop hiring idiots and assholes. That is all.

  21. dijetlo

    I think the idea was to amusingly question the wisdom of advertising H&M underwear during the Super Bowl using the iconic image of a European Soccer Star by insulting the heterosexual carnality of soccer fans in general and this Piers Morgan human in particular. In hindsight, it was an ill-conceived idea poorly executed and the fact that said soccer star is banging a super model and Rolin Martin is probably banging a soiled sweat sock helps his case not at all.
    Still, if being unfunny was a reason to be banned from CNN, it's programming would consist of retired lingerie models in short skirts and high heels shifting uncomfortably on stools while doing their nails and glancing awkwardly at the camera interspersed with Go-Daddy and Teleflora commercials.
    Which is to say, better.

  22. ThundercatHo

    Roland Martin, huh, didn't he used to have a comedy/variety show on TV a long time ago? Cuz that show was pretty funny. Sock it to me!

  23. SilverTsunami

    Two thoughts: "In the hopes of returning to television as a classy action figure like Eric Erickson."

    And, "Friends don't let friends tweet drunk."

  24. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When will CNN learn? If you are going to compete with FOX News, you need to make your racist/homophobic/etc remarks explicit and stand by them!

  25. bagofmice

    Wait wat wait! What does this mean for the pre-eminent Roland in journalism, a certain mister Hedley.

  26. neiltheblaze

    I disapprove of David Beckham's underpants too, and hereby demand he remove them immediately.

  27. Negropolis

    This guy has always been an insufferable asshole, and to be quite honest, I rarely liked him anymore than I did Double E. He's so fucking obnoxious, I don't care if he's supposed to be on "our side." CNN has some particularly shitty pundits even as television political pundits go.

    We all know that Roland wants to suck David's dick something terrible and so very badly, right?

  28. BaldarTFlagass

    I did once, and it was a good show, except for the contingent that kept yelling "Do Werewolves!!" I figured that he should just open the show with that tune to keep those idiots quiet.

  29. oiiii1

    haha… Martin upset the pussies at CNN and pussies chez Wonkette. Had no idea there are so many pussies around. We're drowning in pussy.

    dudes, don;t be so sensiteeeve. put on the pink pom poms and enjoy yourselves.

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